Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Hi everyone: Spent most of the day with my dad. He was given morphine last night for the first time due to agitation. We had a nice time together. He ate no breakfast but had some lunch with me. We went into the family room and I closed the door so it was peaceful. We turned on a cooking show and laughed about fish tacos. I love them, but once when my parents were both living next door they watched for food channel and the topic was fish tacos. They just though that was disgusting. Not two minutes later, I came in their front door and announced we were having fish tacos for dinner. They just cracked up. I shared that with my dad and he just laughed.

I told my dad today that he was getting really skinny. I asked him if he was looking forward to being with my mom and he said, "yes". I asked him if he was looking forward to seeing Houchy, his dog and he smiled. I asked him if he was afraid, and he broke out in a big smile and said NO.

We had a nice time together. I hug him and tell him that I love him. We hold hands and he holds my hand really tight. I rub his neck and he drifts off to sleep. In the family room, I recline his wheelchair and put a big chair cushion under his feet so he can stretch his legs out. I get a blanket from his room and cover him up. He's so calm and happy during our time together. I'm so grateful that my presence brings him comfort. I hate leaving him.

Sending you all the best for each day ahead. Love, Cat

rlamborn: Your response seems reasonable to me. Hope you are ok. Cat

I can relate to being grossed out and now freaked out today. My car would not start this morning. My mother has an SUV that never really leaves the driveway. I asked to use her car, got on I-95 heading to work, and a huge flipping spider crawled out of the dashboard and bit my leg. I almost wrecked. I was swatting in a panic, hoping that I killed it or at least scared it away.....and that's when I took a nice long look around me. The entire inside of the vehicle had webs. I am terrified of spiders. I immediately pulled off the interstate and did the "WTF is on me" dance. I had to get to work. I begged my maintenance director to have someone inspect the car when I got to work. I headed to the director of nursing and spent several hours getting treated for a nasty spider bite and allergic reactions. Maintenance cleaned my car out (God bless them) and as I gathered strength and courage to get back in that car and return home, my mother with wine in her hand, proceeded to yell at me for making her car smell funny. I couldn't help it. I flipped her off and went inside the house.

Austen I is here everynight reading all the posts. I don't reply to most of the posts cause I'm not a caregiver and really don't know what advice to give out so I just try to lighten up a dark day by posting some jokes if I get any that night. Sometimes I get stuff that I wouldn't post on here so I kind of filter out the bad stuff. I have posted a couple that upset a few people so now I really watch what I send out cause you guys are a great group of people that have been there and done it in the caregiving realm. If it were'nt for you caregivers a lot of moms and dads would be placed in nursing homes and forgot about. We built some additions to nursing homes years ago and I could not believe how some of the people were treated etc from what I could see through windows as I climbed up to the roof etc. You gals are amazing for what you do even though it hurts both phiscally and mentaly ( I went braindead on those last to words) Thanx for all the work you gals do and you will be rewarded when the time comes. Lov ya all and thanx for letting me be a part of this thread. luvCuz

Thanks Meanwhile! the steroids have kicked in and I'm eating everything in sight. The neck is loosening up a bit and my head doesn't hurt so badly, but boy am I a bitch on wheels now! Those pills have some kick to them!!! Time to check on Mom and get my sorry a$$ to bed. BIL coming to Mom's with his 95 year old mom for lunch. He's getting us all fish and chips dinners. I just have to supply the drinks and dessert. Night everyone!

Before your too Damned Old

Here's a little poem for you.

Another year has passed
and we're all a little older.

Last summer felt hotter

and winter seems much colder.

There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about 'Living in the Past'

We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.

Now we suffer body aches

and while the night away.

We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
from riding in the car.

We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
and watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
before you're too damned old!

Bobbie, hope you are feeling better too. Everyone try and have a good weekend.

Deef, sure hope the medications help. Jen hope you are recovering from your ordeal. Some Dr's are such idiots, I wonder how they got through Med school. Cat, hang in there. I know it is hard watching your Dad decline, unfortunately it is part of life.
I don't know if it is the same type of centipede. But, the ones we have around here leave welts on your skin from just walking across you. My boss got bit by one, while he was sitting on his couch at home. It crawled up his pants leg ugggh. Not knowing what was crawling up inside his pants, he grabbed it through his jeans. It was 8 inches long, and it got hold of his leg with its front pinchers. He was home alone, and had to get his pants off, and not let go of the centipede. The bite made a hole in his leg . That leg swelled up huge. He had quite a time getting over it.

Jen I am so sorry you had to go through that horror-good for you complaining I would even go I step father and write to your Department of Health or Board of Health that was uncalled for to be treated that way by a physcian.

Gah! were they poisonous centipedes? Can't imagine only seen lil black ones here. but poisonous stuff can't be in the house period they know they rule...

That appointment bookworm got it right i think it was a trigger and as an icest survivor I really should , well maybe I did know but I have had maybe five paps my whole life and never anything like that. the one guy I saw was apologetic the whole time one woman was a hard handed terror but this dr about killed me. she talked to me like i was a dog..Have you had babies. she asked at one point and it literally ya could have substituted Puppies and it wouldn't have sounded different "No" She really needs to get the cadaver skin out from under her fingernails, if she is gonna work with the living learn some bedside manor. she nearly lacerated my clitoris trying to SHOVE that damn speculum in through a part the WASN'T AN IN!!!! becasue I am fat I got the full on "why don't you pay us to cut you open and rearrange your guts so you'll stop being fat" all the while I am sitting there naked about to be violated by plastic...I literally felt like I was raped. (almost, will not make light of rape) just sit there and put up with it try and tell her Lower...God lady, learn how to do this on someone less sensitive! I mean really. I was in physical pain for a day and think a week needs to go by to get over the emotional side effects. I literally became suicidal over this. maybe that should tell me either I am not all the way healed or this is just part of me forever. All I could think is. I NEVER want anyone to touch me ever....no, not even Derek Jeter... It is still upsetting to think about it. So i am mailing my letter to the head of residency today. It isn't raging just this was a really bad appointment and as this is a teaching hospital they need the feedback..So here it is. Learn!

And they just keep getting younger, some day, I am gonna have a fourth grader asking me about my cycle I can see it...

God I wish I could get drunk...

Thank you everyone for your concern and listening to me grouse and sharing your horror stories glad to know it isn't just me..Thank you lie and bobbie and Kathy and Judy and cat and cricket and bookworm cuz mame and austin and rip off site...Friday and he is gone till 3...any small blessing is good...any

have as sane a weekend as you can everyone...love Jen

Have started the course of steroids and hoping for the pain to lessen over the weekend. Woke up with stiff neck, migraine like headache and feeling like I got a 2x4 across the back of my head! But I still got Mom up, washed, dressed and fed and off to daycare. Promised myself I would catch up on the thread when I got home and so I did.
What can I say? been at this for 4 1/2 years now and have seen and heard it all. The grossness, the lack of sibling help, ( I have 6 sibs) and the well meaning comments from all the a$$holes out there that have no clue!!!
Diane, your idea about a retirement community for former caregivers is fabulous! We all know that when our time as caregivers is over, we'll still be in the thick of it dealing with the emotional, physical, financial, and family shit that goes on forever. There is no end until we make peace with all that we go through and that takes time.
Tbailey, You are doing the right thing for you and your daughter. Your husband is a fool for putting you through caring for his mom. You were strong enough to leave and that strength will get you through this hard time.
Meanwhile, sorry your mom can still manipulate you. My mom is pretty much beyond that, although occasionally I still feel like she is yanking my chain. She may have lost her mind completely, but not her stubbornness! Must be where I got the "balls" from to hang in there so long!
Cat, sorry you are having such a hard time with your dad. I know when Mom was in the nh for a month, she went downhill very fast. Just sad and confused. When I got her back home, I thought she was near the end, but as soon as she realized where she was, she bounced back to herself. That was 3 years ago! She is slowing down more now and is actually napping in the afternoon a few days a week, but still goes to daycare from 9 to 3 on 3 days and enjoys the "girls" there. She doesn't always remember them or where she is, but the interaction is good for her. Sometimes I wonder if I would still be in this rut if I had left her there back then. Choices we make are something we have to live with and forgive ourselves for. There is no right or wrong, just what is best for us.
Mame, get your mom to daycare even if she gets wet! I have to get Mom and her wheelchair out the back porch and down 2 steps and then roll her 50 feet to the car. Sometimes we get wet, but she still goes. You need the break and she needs to see new faces.
Meanwhile, Sure hope your mom doesn't get another UTI!! My mom is like a crazy woman on crack when she gets one!!!
For all you ladies out there with Gerd, I've had it my whole life and finally got meds for it when I was in my early 40"s Could not get through the day without my reflux meds! One cup of coffee or food without it and my stomach spasms for hours. And yes, stress does make it much worse.
As for having to go through a parents belongings when they are gone, I will be lucky. We never had any $$ when growing up and lived with the first six kids in a 5 room apartment. When my youngest brother was on the way, my parents took over 2 both apartments on their side of this house and Us older kids who were in high school, had our bedrooms in the upstairs apartment. Mom was not one for collecting or having lots o clothes or possessions, so there isn't a lot to go
through. I on the other hand, feel sorry for my daughter if I go before I can sort through and clean out all of my "stuff". been a crafter all my life, and I like clothes due to the fact I grew up in hand-me-downs. We had very few possessions when growing up, unless we bought them ourselves, so when I got a job, I started collecting. I have also lived in thid house for 59 of my 61 years, so I have "stuff".
As for centipedes Judy, we have dirt floors in most of the cellar and the house was built in 1883, so we occasionally see them running across our floors. Funny thing is they usually show up in the bathroom while I'm sitting on the toilet!!! Never fails!!! And Bobbie is right, flip flops are the best!!!
Jen, I have spent my whole life at gynecologists! So much so, that when I finally got a PCP in my mid 30's, his first question to me was, "Guess you go to the gyno a lot! Next time you have an appointment with me, you can put the johnny on with the ties in the back!" We had a good laugh over that! Not sure what you went through, but I've had many biopsies in the office. Some tolerable and others downright painful. Hope you are feeling better now.
Onlyme, Sscape, lildeb and all of you that I didn't mention, I think of all of you and what you go through every day. This is the best place for venting, advice, and plain old encouragement. Lurking is good, but venting is better!
Time to get in bed for a while and rest my throbbing head. hope everyone has a peaceful day! Deef

bruises all across my chest. It was sooo painful! I wrote a letter etc... Never have had that happen since and hope never again!
Sorry, I hit the submit button by accident.
Mom went to Day Care yesterday! I got a bunch done and was exhausted! She wanted to watch the end of a movie last night and I turnd the TV off and said, sorry ma, I am putting you to bed. It will be on again. She asks "Why" I said cause I am tired and not getting back up in an hour to put you to bed! She went reluctantly. It was good to have a few hours to myself.
Happy Friday all! Gotta run! Mame

I have been with the same gyno now for 21 years! Don't know what I will do when he retires. He is very careful and kind and has never hurt me. His wife also works in his office and one time she saw me instead of him-it was terrible! She was gruff and impatient and forceful. I always request him when I make my appt now! I have always hated mammograms but this one time it was a new technician. Well, I am assuming she was new! It was awful! She kept having to redo it and I had b

Judy, aren’t those centipede just so scary looking! At least you had the nerve to kill one. I acted like a silly girl with my incident. I was driving to work, and saw something moving on my lap. I look down and this bright yellow/orange centipede was crawling up my lap and heading towards my stomach. I started whimpering and trying to find a safe place to pull over (2-lane with no shoulders). I finally found a small shoulder, pulled to it, quickly looked behind me for cars, and leaped out of the car and started hopping up and down, whimpering the whole time. Until it finally fell off. That was just soooo gross! I can’t stand worms. I even consider caterpillars worms. If they look like a worm, and crawl like a worm – then it’s a worm in my book! Eeew…

Lildeb, ever since I had that female doctor, I knew that it didn't have to be painful. So, I told my 2 nieces my experiences and said that paps doesn't have to hurt. If you go to an experienced/caring doc, it not and NO BLOOD. Unfortunately, my sis, their mother, experienced several painful ones and maybe have done about 5 paps in her whole life - and she's age 44! Her daughters grew up hearing her aversion of it so.....they too aren't very pro-active with their annuals.

Cuz, that was funny. I choked in the middle of my laughter. I wasn't expecting that last line!

Cuz where have you been -hope us KAW did not scare you away-wait you are Bobbie's cousin so you do not scar easily-don't stay away so long next time.

asked if I could borrow a newspaper

I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here,
you can use my iPad.'

I can tell you this, that damn fly never knew what hit it.

Cat, It sound like your dad may have been feeling a little down today but at least he did try the cheesecake n he enjoyed your company n that is what counts. Tell your dad I said, "Happy 90th Birthday."

Meanwhile, 30yrs is long for a horse for we had one that was 32 before she finally passed. Glad u have found something that works for your horse. Their is a webpage I go to called, Thoroughbred times n it has an area for health for horses. However, I go their to check on the races for I just can't take the horse racing out of my system n I don't bid just like to check on the Sires n such.

Bookworm, I would had been crying with you too for that is some crap to have to go through being so young. What a jerky ass physician! I agree with Cricket to lets go borrow that 2x4 from Cat n make a visit to that physician. I may be only about 4'7" n 3/4 but I bet I could whack him right where it counts! I am Glad that you told the nurse about not having a breast exam for it is your body n your right. Get it done when u feel comfortable just don't wait too long like years....
Cricket, you keep on chirping... ; )
Judym, You out their flip-flopping to death the giant desert centipede n Jam fly swatting to death the super fly from other side of the window, you two r a mess. lol. I needed that little chuckle n thanks for sharing. Getting late already n need get ready for bed. Hope everyone has a good night sleep.

Bobbie!!!!! Boat time!!!!!!!
Sitting here waiting for a call from my daughter who is on a trip to San Antonio.
Woke up with a stiff neck yesterday and knew by the afternoon that I had a severe case of occipital neuralgia again. Had it about 20 years ago and suffered from major pain for about 2 months. Just got me some steroids from the doctor and hoping they will knock back the swelling that is putting pressure on a nerve up the back of my head. Nasty business!

Judy!!
You committed Insecticide! Good for you. Bug strolled into the wrong house and that's the way it goes. Flip flops are the best and the weapon of choice here on the boat.
Ya, sometimes it takes awhile for the funny to show up. What you are doing is so hard and feeling victimized is part of it. If murdering creepy bugs takes the edge off, well then....

Cat! You are a wonderful daughter and I know how hard this is. It's like being in the ocean and all you can do is ride the swells up and down. Sometimes the ocean is made up of our tears.
Everybody has offered such sweet and considerate thoughts.

Jen! wtf? They all get a nice matched set of barnacle boils in their private areas for upsetting you. #@!!*%$&!

Cricket! love how you do the shoutouts to everyone. Thank you for being here and thanks to all you have mentioned and more for being so supportive of everyone.

I am finally off the antibiotics but still feel sick but so what. Just is what it is.

Love all you guys and I just don't have the soup to write more. I love how you all write to each other and lift each other up.

Hope you all know that I love you all more than you all will ever know.

lovbob

Okay, this is the grossed out thread and I'm grossed out, wigged out, freaked out. I just killed a "giant desert centipede" in my hallway. Jet black, with a red head and yellow legs. About 4 inches long - must be a baby - I just read that they can get up to 8 inches long. Now that I've smashed him, I feel kind of badly like maybe I should've gotten him in a jar and set him free in the wash. Or in that nasty neighbor's yard. I shouldn't have had a nutty on him with a flip flop. Having a rough day. I guess the centipede was on the receiving end of my mood. Mom is being so presumptuous. I'd like to run far away. I'm feeling victimized and pissed off. I'll get over it. Called my bro just to hear his voice. He's right - it could be worse, and it'll be funny in a few years. But, right now, I'm NOT laughing.

Good Morning Crew,

Jen it sounds like you need to borrow Cattails 2x4 and go visit that Doctor. Sheesh!!
Cat, I'm so sorry to hear about your Fathers decline. You expressed your experience and feelings so beautifully. I'm glad you had time alone after last visiting him. It's that alone time that we make for ourselves that keeps us out of the black hole. We all need time to think and feel what is going on, accept, and then we can find some inner peace.
Lildeb, Mame, Bookworm, Austin, meanwhile2, Cat, Diane, Jen, tbailey, Linda, Becncall and Bobbie thank you all for being here.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

Jen, I'm not sure what kind of dr appointment you had, but know that we do care about you.

Not that this have anything to do with you, Jen..... But your post reminded me of something about MY at-the-moment-down-the-dark-tunnel moment. I've had male gynecologists for years. They always were so rough - they hurt me and when I wiped down there, I had a bloody tissue. I thought this was normal because from the time I was a teen, it was always male doctors, it always hurt and always bloody tissues. Then, I finally got a female doctor (NOT gyne or OB - worst mistake ever but That is another story) who was gentle and no bloody tissue. Due to a major misdiagnosis from female general practitioner, I went to one of the top 2 gynes/ob to do a last minute major stomach operation. Anyway, since I liked this male gyne, I decided to do my yearly pap with him. On my 1st year of regular pap, he did the breast exam, also. I didn't think anything of it because he IS a doctor. Well, I go home. That night, I started crying a lot. I just cried and cried. I had so much sadness, it was awful. I had cried for several days. It was one of the worst depressions I ever had. I finally figured out what happened. He had triggered something that my subconscious mind refused to release whatever childhood memory it's hiding. I never did recall any new bad childhood memory. But, the next year of the pap, I told the nurse straight out: No breast exam. He came in and was quite understanding. He didn't put me in the spot or tried to persuade me to agree. Very nice doctor. But I will always remember that...

Meanwhile: There really isn't too much to say, but I appreciate that you hear me, that's probably what means the most to me. Thanks for keep us in your prayers. Couldn't ask for more than that. Hugs, Cat. And much love to Omaha.

Lildeb, Thanks for the advice. I did research the mushroom matrix, and it doesn't seem to have a high cure rate. One of my 30 year old horses, had sarcoid tumors when he was a colt. It took 3 years, and several attempts to get rid of them. He had 6 tumors before we finally found something to kill them. But, he has been fine ever since. That is the only good thing about these tumors, they grow so slow, it gives you years to find the fix. Just can't ignore it.
Jen I'm so sorry, Hope you are feeling better.
Cat, don't know what to say. Your in my prayers.

Lildeb: I always love your kind and heart felt posts. You send so much love to everyone.

Mame: Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate them and love you very much.

Jen: It's just us girls here. If and when you feel up to it, tell us what happened. We don't want to pry, but we care and what to understand what you experienced.

Today was my dad's 90th birthday. Took cheesecake to him for desert. He only had a bite, but he was glad to have me by his side. For some time now he has been refusing all medications.

Carpet cleaners come tomorrow am and we will then move on to getting our MBR reclaimed.

I am sending each and everyone of you all my best wishes. Tbailey, I hope you are ok and know that we all love and support you.

Love, Cat

Meanwhile, have you ever tried, Mushroom Matrix ECP for immune support? I heard from others on a site that if you don't get it all off by laser that, it can grow even bigger n spread. Someone had use this Mushroom Matrix EC:P n supposely the mushrooms have anti-angiogenisis compounds which had cut off the blood supply to tumors. She mention that the sarcoid tumors died and then fell off. here is webpage if you like to check it out for your horsey. I think one mention you can get it at "farmvet." Good luck.

Cat, sorry to hear that your dad has lost some more weight but like you even mention, You a child of God n You are doing the best You can." Just being their with him gives him a peace of mind as you let him know that you love him as he gets closer to the higher power above all of us. I am glad you took some time to yourself to let go of some of your feelings for you needed to do that so it's not all bottle up inside you. Just remember that we r all here for you as much as possible n that you n your dad is in my prayers.

Mame, take that jump and leap as high as you can while mom is willing to go twice a wk to daycare n goodluck with that one for I hope it works out.
I'm good to get one day a wk for the mnl to go n those 4 hrs sure go very fast yet, I am grateful that for it's better than no hrs. I am not ready for winter myself. the mnl is already wearing sweat-pants so I had to pull out some of the thicker pants as we r starting to have cooler weather in AM. We even got two days of rain. As for my kidney check, for some reason n hopefully it's because I haven't been drinking enough water throughout the day for my creatine bump up to a 1.4 n that is a little high for me. So, I will get more lab in 6wks n drink more water. Hopefully it will go back down to 1.1 level n all it was alittle dehydration. anyway, got take mnl at 4pm tomorrow to get her rear-end checked n hopefully it is nothing serious.
I hope everyone is able to get a restful night sleep tonight. ; )

Jen, I hope you get to feeling a bit better n will be able to let us know what has upset you about your dr visit. Are you in pain? Can you at least contact one of the girls here that has known you longer so you may feel more comfortable talking to one of them? We may not be able to fix the situation but we r all here to help support you n ride the tough time with you by your side.

beh....just and more, fart pants slipped in the bathroom no he is not dead....just one more thing, lift assist from the fire men and he is on about his weight fine lose some weight less of you is an improvement me I am going for you cremated at 9 pounds even but what ever...

oh God in there he is crabbin at mom and right back to stupid. why can't he fall on his damn head...

the dr app from Hell will involved a letter to the head of the clinic I am literally still to razzled to formulate it in my head and THAT tells you!

Thank you for all the kinds words and prayers...

Jen: I hope you are feeling better today. So sorry your appt. was such a nightmare and I'm praying it's all behind you now. Love, Cat

Jeez Jen-soooo sorry!