Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Basically, just despairing and feeling sorry for my self. But I won’t say I don’t have good reason. I have had a really rotten life and I am up to my neck in misery here. From anyone who knows the story here perverted grandfather, feces, pee, weird looks, irritation stress worry he is gonna kill me mom it was just compounded by close proximity today. The errand I hadn’t planned to be part of I was expected at the last minute mom asks... “Are you going?” Oh like I had a choice Ma! Puhlease…So two miserable hours in the car with him pointing out insipid things, look at that plane, move so slow ya wonder why they don’t fall out of the sky…reading off signs, 10 Am to 5 PM daily haheheheh…Why is THAT funny! Heres one, we get to cemetery and put roses on Grandmas grave and he sees piles of grass and dirt a ways off…“Look at that big sink hole, wonder what them piles of sod er for…..?” Old Man are you THAT stupid?! Asked and Answered….God I miss grandma. An older lady was sitting outside the foot doctors waiting for the paratransit bus…I know that dance...She zipped up her coat, pulled up her collar, looked at her watch, tapped her feet and hunkered over, a cool breezy day here in Spokane. I am a shy person and debated the possibility of a negative response versus my gut and got out of the car and took a blanket over and wrapped it around her legs and ar,ms and we talked for about 15 minutes while she waited for her bus and I waited for the pervert to get done with his foot check. We talked about the weather and she talked about health as most older people do. Family. Was nice. I felt better I riskled the chance of being told to get away, don’t bother me…Ya just never know OMG!!!!!!Snap CRACK BOOM!!! A huge limb just fell off of our tree next to the garage and fell on the neighbors shed 1:00 PM gotta go deal now!!!!!
Boy the "F" s are flying here today! I am loving it! It has given me a good laugh cause you know we all want to say it! If you really want a laugh-go to you tube and see the video "Uses and History of the Word F***" but spell it out. Watch the one that says it is Monty Python that is really sound only...too funny. If the F word really offends you, you may not want to hear this vid. I hope I don't get banned for telling you about it! Mame
Update - got a one line text from the absentee brother who wanted to come his parents after two years. It read, "Please disregard." My response, "I didn't think you'd come anyway. I mean, how can you have time between all those Caribbean vacations?"
Hi Crew, I was outta here for a couple of days but I'm back. I'm glad to see everyone posting and venting.. sometimes when there is no other way to see things other than the way they are you gotta say "just fuck it" it's all part of survival.
A really good book that will leave you feeling good about yourself is "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. Or if you're not a reader there are video clips on youtube to watch and get a quick pick me up. Her books and clips have been a godsend to me many times.
Bobbie, you know I'll show up if you have a webcast to hangout. Send me an email if you decide to do it. Just an idea.. but wouldn't it be fun to have a Pajama Party online through a webcast for those of us who are so tied down at home all the time it could be fun. Just thought I would toss the idea out here. Anyway it's time for the dogs to all get their baths (oh joy). *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Cat - wow, loved your last post!! From the heart girlfriend. I hope you feel better after writing that. I feel better just reading it!!! So thanks!
Wrote this on another thread but wanted to share here. I was good for a while, but now having a hard time again. I just don't want to do it anymore. I really don't give a shit if they (Mom and dad) live or die. I know that sounds horrible but I really don't give a shit. I'm exhausted from the mental pressure of doing everything and making all the decisions and listening to all the complaining and babbling and having them defend my useless siblings...I've gained wait, lost all my friends, I hate my work (it's my own company so I can't even quit!!). It all just sucks.
Anyway, someone else on the site was complaining (and right fully so), about taking care of their MIL and it seems the husband just expects that's the way it is so she has excepted it to, as miserable as she is. This was my response. it relates back to what is happening with your sister, Cat.
I have no sibling support in caring for both my Mom and Dad, no support physical or mentally in any way. Never a phone call or an email asking me how I am doing or how things are going. In fact, the last sibling visit was almost criminal. My sibling stole my mother's checkbook!! We got it back but what an ordeal! Pa-lease!! The other sibling hasn't been here in over two years and sent me a text on Friday saying "Impromptu trip - can I stay at your place?" Can u imagine that? Hasn't called or asked me how I am doing or anything in two years and now we are suppose to lay down the red carpet?? Give me a fucking break!
When Dad fell for the fifth time last December, (can't even remember how many trips to the hospital and missed work opportunities for me), he went into rehab but never recovered enough to go home. I chose to have him stay in the NH because I couldn't take it anymore and they have no money for home health care. That's right, I decided that because no one was going to help me and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown several times. It was the right decision. It would be extremely unsafe for him (and my mother), back at their apartment and I'd be on the hospital roller coaster all over again within days. Sure, you have days of guilt but it comes to this: do you want to save yourself or save them? I chose to save us both by placing him in the home, where he is fed, bathed and cared for. It's a very hard decision, but I have no regrets.
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Well Cattails, I must say that yours was an excellent post. You don't have to work on anything because you just expressed exactly how you feel and that is all that a good writer need do. Besides, the Prime Objective of this thread is: Vent and Live!
Your sister and maybe many other sibs that act this way are probably emotionally constipated and if they didn't make you so mad you might feel sorry for the half a human being that they are. I was lucky in that sense because I had no siblings and after reading stories here, like with Diane and Selfish Sibs to name just two, I realized that I lucked out by not having anyone to disappoint, anger and upset me and my mom. Cattails, you are fighting that good fight and telling someone to F*** Off is a healthy way to go, in my humble opinion. If it causes too much trouble to say it out loud then thinking it is fair enough. One way or the other, you know that you have our support!
Diane has the good advice: block her out. Associate her noise with that of a fly that you would swat away and not think of again. Ya, not easy but maybe with practice?
Things are coming along here with the boat and the boat angel. It seems that he is still getting better but he will have to get a blood test in the next few weeks to make sure that he is still in remission.
Please say prayers for Ted. He buried his Cat, Idabelle, 2 days ago and he is bereft. He still is dealing with his idiot siblings and the fact that they have taken his inheritance and left him high and dry after all those years of him being the only one who cared for their mom. Criminal. People are sick.
My eye has healed and I am halfway through the course of antibiotics that are clearing up my inner ear infection. What a hot mess I have been.
DEEF! I dunno, just like hollering DEEF! Rip, sweet! glad you said hi! Austin and Meanwhile and Judy and CUZ! always funny! please give love to your sister and to your mom and brother and to my bio mom, LINDA!! love you, KULI!! I know that you are suffering with all of the loss that you have experienced.
I will tell you guys that it has been over 2 years since my mom died and it is now a year since I left here to go back and settle and sell everything and maybe, just maybe I am starting to see what is my new normal and be ok with it. It takes so much time and everyone's time is their own. It will take as much or as little time as each needs but it will get better. All I can say and all I kept repeating to myself is that it will get better.
Cricket, thanks for the shoutout and I love you, stuff! I had a good time playing webcast with you and Diane and maybe we should plan one for tomorrow night? Even if it's just to do something goofy. I have the new camera and if I mess around with it enough maybe I can figure out how to do a boat tour live. "ok, here's the pointy end...."
If anyone is interested in hanging out online tomorrow night for a little bit let me know. Don't want to do it if I am the only one sitting there counting my toes...
Love all you guys and Ya, I know about lurking as well. We have plenty of readers and we have plenty of posters. You guys know what makes us a successful support group? We all don't go crazy at the same time!
Love all you guys way more than you'll ever know and please everyone check in with a crew call. Doesn't matter if you are so miserable that you can't write.... just click on and holler at us!
Good morning all. Sorry about my last depressing post! I am a bit better now. I think I have trouble with transitions...hubby was on vacationa and had gone back to work, my sister who works in the schools went back...my son has been gone for a while...the weather is changing...I just was/am in a funk. No energy to write...But, I am trying to pull myself out. I think I am winning. :) I actually had a panic attack about all that winter will bring. Reading the Purpose Driven Life again-trying to believe that my purpose is to care for my mom-for whatever reason God may have that she continue to live...who am I to say SHE has no purpose left, right? I don't know...but that is how I am choosing to deal with the monotony and accept this choice I have made... I bought a crossword puzzle book to keep my mind active...I am so sick of all the politics in the news right now...not knowing if anyone is really telling the truth! Just need some meaningless entertainment! Ladies (and gents)-this is a tough job! God bless us everyone! HaHa... Hanging in here-please do the same! Cat-I am so sorry about your sister. What a coward. So NOT understandable for people like us giving our whole lives and they can't give just a little time...UGH. These choices she is making-may be demons in her future-but you tried to get her here-this is all her choice...you have done what you can to get her here... Hopefully your dad is ok with her not coming or not aware. She has a choice but he doesn't and it would be sad if he is hurt by it. (I recently mentioned to mom the siblings who are not helping out-and she says, "Oh those little snips!" Then she made up a rhyming prayer to try and get them here! It was adorable. The next weekend, one of those brothers came by for a quick visit...his wife cares for her father who is still in his home. Mom told my bro that his wife was going to heaven-but she wasn't so sure where my bro would end up!!!! I thought I would die laughing!!!!) Anyway... you are wonderful Cat and I wish you good things. It has been quiet on here...guess we were all trying to get in a little summer before it was over. Hope to hear from everyone soon! Hope all are well... Mame
Cat, man do I feel your pain. I totally understand!!!! Get back to the important stuff, you and dad. How is dad doing? As best you can, just block out your sister. I know this is easier said than done. When she calls, don't answer. She doesn't deserve an explanation about anything! Don't torture yourself because of her emotional retardation. Maybe now is the time I should give you my sister's address so you can take your 2 x 4 and let your frustrations out on her...lol
I have to get ready for work but wanted to say hello to everyone. Have a great Monday!
Well, I guess the rest of you lurkers don't have anything to talk about, so let me fill in the freaking gap. I'm having a very hard time. Over the last week my two brothers have been to visit my dad. Of course, my sister is no where to be found. She will not be coming. This had brought up a lot of bad memories from when my mom died in 2008 and my sis didn't come then either.
Yes, we told her it was important and we offered to pay her way, etc. etc. She didn't come then and she's not coming now. She called this evening and I could not answer the phone. Here was her perky, dead brain voice on the recorder, "Hey guys, just calling to check in and see how you and dad are doing." Well, fuck you, you stupid bitch. If you want to know how things are going, get your stupid ass up here and see for yourself. Don't leave the burden on me and then have me repeat my life and dad's for you. It's too sad and I won't relive it just so you can feel you did your part by listening to me. So you can kiss my rosy red ass. Or as Judy would say, "I'm wearing a red thong, bent over, and have a sign on my ass that says "Kiss This."
Not very spiritual and I know I have to work on that, but right now I just want to say, Fuck You.
I'm guilty of lurking as well. But, Mom is doing better. For the time being she is trying to drink more water, and antibiotics are working. She is getting back to her cranky old self. Poor Step Dad, came over today, begging for some job he could do. He isn't up to much, but just needs to get out of the house, and away from Mom. Got to ride the horses, went up a steep rocky hill, until we had to get off and lead the horses. Then had to tie the horses to a tree and climb the last bit. All to get to the edge of a cliff, that over looked a Mexican Eagle nest. The eagles were circling overhead. The nest was mostly a bunch of bird poop, but it was great fun.
Where is everyone? This thread has been downright lonely all weekend. ------------------------------ As Uncle Herman was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, You know you aren't supposed to drive! I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful and come right home!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
hello to all I hear ya Diane So I thought I would post instead of just reading Been Busy But, stressed so Ive been by just not posting ...LOve You All Happy Sunday.
We must all be "lurking" instead of posting. Nothing new here, just the everyday caregiver stuff. Trying to live in the present instead of mourning the loss of the past or fearing the furture. Now that the sitter is hear I'm debating whether to go back to sleep or go to church. I know which one is easier, but is it better? Thinking of you all everyday. Keep up the good fight. Love ya, Diane
One lesson I am painfully learning is.. don't save things thinking you might use it some day, or someone else might want it. It's all still sitting here for me to get rid of. We're getting a dumpster tomorrow. And I don't even know where I'll be moving to next!
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister who, after all, is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
& surprise ... Still fight this stupid keyboard .... isolated Care Givers who have no outlet other than the internet! Saved us many times, huh Miz? Hope everyone is OK ... yeah, right ... scooping poop isn't just dog sh*t ... Love your parents the best you can. & like Bobbie says remember to do what's right for you too! Caregiving usually has an end - you shouldn't. It can be a really tough road back out of the 'experience'.
Holy Crap! What has happened to the old tried & loved thread? Despite losing my lovable father I still check in from time to time. Weekend evenings used to be our caregiving playground of venting, caring & laughing! I suspect there are still thousands of isolated
Seems like it's been a rough week for everyone. Meanwhile, you are way more patient than I am. But the important thing is you got her to drink! Oh Lord what an ordeal. xo Mame, you sound really tired and down. I hope you can get some rest and that good cry.. it's rough when you know you need a good cry and don't even have the time to have one. I would just go to the bathroom and cry even if it's only for 3 mins. xo Diane, I have done that with the guys too! Seems like just when I get all the clothes washed they toss in something they need now. ugh! I'm also very glad you found a support group for caregiving! And the 98 and 99 year olds...omg..I think I would react very much the same way as you. xo Kuli, Deef, Meanwhile,Lildeb, Judy, Linda, bookworm (prayers for you), Jen, Captain Bobbie, you all have my love. It's after 1 AM so off to bed for me. Night all.
"Don't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hi Crew, Mame, I know how you feel. WTF is the purpose of this struggle! I remind myself the Lord has a plan yet to unfold to me. I went to the caregiver support group this evening and it turned out pretty good. It's a small group of about 8 people that sometimes swells to about 15. Most of the caregivers are finally at the stage their loved one is in assisted living or a nursing home. One man takes care of his wife at home still. another lady is a caregiver for her 58 year old sister who is in last stage alzheimers. Two of the ladies have mothers age 98 & 99! I'm not sure if that inspires me or defeats me to realize mom could live that long. As hard as it is to be a caregiver, I'm not ready to let her go. Deef I will have to check with the state to see if they have any type of state insurance. I doubt it since all Nikki Haley (gov) can do is cut subsidies to everything in sight, except her pockets. I'm watching the DNC. I have to honestly admit, this is the most interested I've been in politics in my entire life. I know we all have different views, but Obama has my vote! Here is a real life joke for you. My boyfriend said to me get naked. No it wasn't for romance, he wanted to put the clothes I was wearing in the washer. Talk about the honeymoon is over! I hope that gave y'all a good laugh. Have as good a night as possible!
Haven't written in a while but have been reading. Completely depressed. Everyone is back to school and work...alone again. Mom won't go to day care and it is too stressful to "make" her. Good lord-it is only one day a week! Had an extreme anxiety attack Tuesday...can't get my BP to come back down. Saw Dr today-left mom alone for an hour...came back to diahrea all over. Figures. That's what I get I guess. Keep thinking God must have a plan...That His timing is perfect as some say... What does she have to finish? Is she really happy? Her quality of life sucks and so does mine! I am being selfish... Just venting...wish I could have a good cleansing cry but I cannot. Sigh. Sorry for all you guys are going through! I know we are all in the same boat. Have a decent night all! Mame
Meawhile, What a fine mess you had with her at the doctors. 3 freaking times just to get her to drink something like water. At least the dr was able to find out that she had UTI. I hope you are able to get her to drink more fluids.
Cattail, I am glad that your brother came down n that your other one is on his way. To me that show respect for his parent. Try to spend what litttle time you have with your bro's while they are with you. I am truly sorry that once the other bro goes back home that it is all back on you to deal with this heartache time. I know this is a hard time for you n I will say a prayer to give you strength as well as BookWorm. Cattail & Linda, Try to remember that he will be going to a higher place. Linda, sorry for your loss but you know he is at a better higher place. Kuli, that is so sweet of you to let us caregivers know that not everyone is cut out to be one. It takes a caregiver to know a caregiver for he or she has walked in our shoes n some. I hope the therapy helps for it seems like it has already n you are here helping others. My son has PTSD from being overseas 4 times in war for over a yr per tour. My personal feelings on that is they send the same ones out too many times n don't get enough break in between. It takes a huge toll on them n their life. I was fortuate that my son was able to make it back safe. Austin, glad to see you on here as well. Anyone I forgot I did not do it on intention. I hope everyone has a nice day as much as possible.
Bookworm, I hope you are okay. We all know how caregiving can be overwhelming n especially when relatives don't even try to help out. You are in my prayers. Diane, sorry u had to go part-time for employment. As for your mom wanting you to hold her for 20 minutes, good grief! That would break any person's back. I think if she wants to try n stand-up then I swing her one of those walkers. Let us know how the caregiver support group works out.
ure right cattails . my bro and sis was here when pa was on his way out . bro wanted to leave and i told him i d feelbetter if he stayed so he did and then pa passed . it hurts so much to watch him delcine so fast . you ll know whenhe s passing when he is not poopin or peeing , pa was dry allnight long and the next day i change him its still dry . that is when he was leaving us to a better place . did hospice say when he will be gone ? mine said it s just matter of hours . his oxgyen kept droppin down lower and lower . waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i know how ure feeling dear . sending my angels at your way . xoxo
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
xo
-SS
A really good book that will leave you feeling good about yourself is "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. Or if you're not a reader there are video clips on youtube to watch and get a quick pick me up. Her books and clips have been a godsend to me many times.
Bobbie, you know I'll show up if you have a webcast to hangout. Send me an email if you decide to do it. Just an idea.. but wouldn't it be fun to have a Pajama Party online through a webcast for those of us who are so tied down at home all the time it could be fun. Just thought I would toss the idea out here. Anyway it's time for the dogs to all get their baths (oh joy).
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Cat - wow, loved your last post!! From the heart girlfriend. I hope you feel better after writing that. I feel better just reading it!!! So thanks!
Wrote this on another thread but wanted to share here. I was good for a while, but now having a hard time again. I just don't want to do it anymore. I really don't give a shit if they (Mom and dad) live or die. I know that sounds horrible but I really don't give a shit. I'm exhausted from the mental pressure of doing everything and making all the decisions and listening to all the complaining and babbling and having them defend my useless siblings...I've gained wait, lost all my friends, I hate my work (it's my own company so I can't even quit!!). It all just sucks.
Anyway, someone else on the site was complaining (and right fully so), about taking care of their MIL and it seems the husband just expects that's the way it is so she has excepted it to, as miserable as she is. This was my response. it relates back to what is happening with your sister, Cat.
I have no sibling support in caring for both my Mom and Dad, no support physical or mentally in any way. Never a phone call or an email asking me how I am doing or how things are going. In fact, the last sibling visit was almost criminal. My sibling stole my mother's checkbook!! We got it back but what an ordeal! Pa-lease!! The other sibling hasn't been here in over two years and sent me a text on Friday saying "Impromptu trip - can I stay at your place?" Can u imagine that? Hasn't called or asked me how I am doing or anything in two years and now we are suppose to lay down the red carpet?? Give me a fucking break!
When Dad fell for the fifth time last December, (can't even remember how many trips to the hospital and missed work opportunities for me), he went into rehab but never recovered enough to go home. I chose to have him stay in the NH because I couldn't take it anymore and they have no money for home health care. That's right, I decided that because no one was going to help me and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown several times. It was the right decision. It would be extremely unsafe for him (and my mother), back at their apartment and I'd be on the hospital roller coaster all over again within days. Sure, you have days of guilt but it comes to this: do you want to save yourself or save them? I chose to save us both by placing him in the home, where he is fed, bathed and cared for. It's a very hard decision, but I have no regrets.
hahahaha
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
lovbob
no need to apologize for depressing post! You keep venting and letting it out!
OK, will work on mindless entertainment. Be right back.
lovbob
Well Cattails, I must say that yours was an excellent post. You don't have to work on anything because you just expressed exactly how you feel and that is all that a good writer need do. Besides, the Prime Objective of this thread is: Vent and Live!
Your sister and maybe many other sibs that act this way are probably emotionally constipated and if they didn't make you so mad you might feel sorry for the half a human being that they are.
I was lucky in that sense because I had no siblings and after reading stories here, like with Diane and Selfish Sibs to name just two, I realized that I lucked out by not having anyone to disappoint, anger and upset me and my mom.
Cattails, you are fighting that good fight and telling someone to F*** Off is a healthy way to go, in my humble opinion. If it causes too much trouble to say it out loud then thinking it is fair enough. One way or the other, you know that you have our support!
Diane has the good advice: block her out. Associate her noise with that of a fly that you would swat away and not think of again. Ya, not easy but maybe with practice?
Things are coming along here with the boat and the boat angel. It seems that he is still getting better but he will have to get a blood test in the next few weeks to make sure that he is still in remission.
Please say prayers for Ted. He buried his Cat, Idabelle, 2 days ago and he is bereft. He still is dealing with his idiot siblings and the fact that they have taken his inheritance and left him high and dry after all those years of him being the only one who cared for their mom. Criminal. People are sick.
My eye has healed and I am halfway through the course of antibiotics that are clearing up my inner ear infection. What a hot mess I have been.
DEEF! I dunno, just like hollering DEEF! Rip, sweet! glad you said hi! Austin and Meanwhile and Judy and CUZ! always funny! please give love to your sister and to your mom and brother and to my bio mom, LINDA!! love you, KULI!! I know that you are suffering with all of the loss that you have experienced.
I will tell you guys that it has been over 2 years since my mom died and it is now a year since I left here to go back and settle and sell everything and maybe, just maybe I am starting to see what is my new normal and be ok with it. It takes so much time and everyone's time is their own. It will take as much or as little time as each needs but it will get better. All I can say and all I kept repeating to myself is that it will get better.
Cricket, thanks for the shoutout and I love you, stuff! I had a good time playing webcast with you and Diane and maybe we should plan one for tomorrow night? Even if it's just to do something goofy. I have the new camera and if I mess around with it enough maybe I can figure out how to do a boat tour live.
"ok, here's the pointy end...."
If anyone is interested in hanging out online tomorrow night for a little bit let me know. Don't want to do it if I am the only one sitting there counting my toes...
Love all you guys and Ya, I know about lurking as well. We have plenty of readers and we have plenty of posters.
You guys know what makes us a successful support group?
We all don't go crazy at the same time!
Love all you guys way more than you'll ever know and please everyone check in with a crew call. Doesn't matter if you are so miserable that you can't write.... just click on and holler at us!
lovbob
Cat-I am so sorry about your sister. What a coward. So NOT understandable for people like us giving our whole lives and they can't give just a little time...UGH. These choices she is making-may be demons in her future-but you tried to get her here-this is all her choice...you have done what you can to get her here... Hopefully your dad is ok with her not coming or not aware. She has a choice but he doesn't and it would be sad if he is hurt by it. (I recently mentioned to mom the siblings who are not helping out-and she says, "Oh those little snips!" Then she made up a rhyming prayer to try and get them here! It was adorable. The next weekend, one of those brothers came by for a quick visit...his wife cares for her father who is still in his home. Mom told my bro that his wife was going to heaven-but she wasn't so sure where my bro would end up!!!! I thought I would die laughing!!!!) Anyway... you are wonderful Cat and I wish you good things.
It has been quiet on here...guess we were all trying to get in a little summer before it was over. Hope to hear from everyone soon! Hope all are well... Mame
I have to get ready for work but wanted to say hello to everyone. Have a great Monday!
Love ya,
Diane
Yes, we told her it was important and we offered to pay her way, etc. etc. She didn't come then and she's not coming now. She called this evening and I could not answer the phone. Here was her perky, dead brain voice on the recorder, "Hey guys, just calling to check in and see how you and dad are doing." Well, fuck you, you stupid bitch. If you want to know how things are going, get your stupid ass up here and see for yourself. Don't leave the burden on me and then have me repeat my life and dad's for you. It's too sad and I won't relive it just so you can feel you did your part by listening to me. So you can kiss my rosy red ass. Or as Judy would say, "I'm wearing a red thong, bent over, and have a sign on my ass that says "Kiss This."
Not very spiritual and I know I have to work on that, but right now I just want to say, Fuck You.
Well, I feel better. Hope you do too.
Cat
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied, "Yes father, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Got to ride the horses, went up a steep rocky hill, until we had to get off and lead the horses. Then had to tie the horses to a tree and climb the last bit. All to get to the edge of a cliff, that over looked a Mexican Eagle nest. The eagles were circling overhead. The nest was mostly a bunch of bird poop, but it was great fun.
------------------------------
As Uncle Herman was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, You know you aren't supposed to drive! I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful and come right home!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Thinking of you all everyday. Keep up the good fight.
Love ya,
Diane
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"
So he goes to a minister who, after all, is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks,
"My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
isolated Care Givers who have no outlet other than the internet! Saved us many times, huh Miz?
Hope everyone is OK ... yeah, right ... scooping poop isn't just dog sh*t ...
Love your parents the best you can.
& like Bobbie says remember to do what's right for you too!
Caregiving usually has an end - you shouldn't.
It can be a really tough road back out of the 'experience'.
What has happened to the old tried & loved thread? Despite losing my lovable father I still check in from time to time.
Weekend evenings used to be our caregiving playground of venting, caring & laughing!
I suspect there are still thousands of isolated
Meanwhile, you are way more patient than I am. But the important thing is you got her to drink! Oh Lord what an ordeal. xo
Mame, you sound really tired and down. I hope you can get some rest and that good cry.. it's rough when you know you need a good cry and don't even have the time to have one. I would just go to the bathroom and cry even if it's only for 3 mins. xo
Diane, I have done that with the guys too! Seems like just when I get all the clothes washed they toss in something they need now. ugh! I'm also very glad you found a support group for caregiving! And the 98 and 99 year olds...omg..I think I would react very much the same way as you. xo
Kuli, Deef, Meanwhile,Lildeb, Judy, Linda, bookworm (prayers for you), Jen, Captain Bobbie, you all have my love. It's after 1 AM so off to bed for me. Night all.
"Don't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend
yourself on the work before you, well assured
that the right performance of this hour's
duties will be the best preparation for the
hours or ages that follow it."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Mame, I know how you feel. WTF is the purpose of this struggle! I remind myself the Lord has a plan yet to unfold to me. I went to the caregiver support group this evening and it turned out pretty good. It's a small group of about 8 people that sometimes swells to about 15. Most of the caregivers are finally at the stage their loved one is in assisted living or a nursing home. One man takes care of his wife at home still. another lady is a caregiver for her 58 year old sister who is in last stage alzheimers. Two of the ladies have mothers age 98 & 99! I'm not sure if that inspires me or defeats me to realize mom could live that long. As hard as it is to be a caregiver, I'm not ready to let her go.
Deef I will have to check with the state to see if they have any type of state insurance. I doubt it since all Nikki Haley (gov) can do is cut subsidies to everything in sight, except her pockets.
I'm watching the DNC. I have to honestly admit, this is the most interested I've been in politics in my entire life. I know we all have different views, but Obama has my vote!
Here is a real life joke for you. My boyfriend said to me get naked. No it wasn't for romance, he wanted to put the clothes I was wearing in the washer. Talk about the honeymoon is over!
I hope that gave y'all a good laugh. Have as good a night as possible!
Love ya,
Diane
Cattail, I am glad that your brother came down n that your other one is on his way. To me that show respect for his parent. Try to spend what litttle time you have with your bro's while they are with you. I am truly sorry that once the other bro goes back home that it is all back on you to deal with this heartache time. I know this is a hard time for you n I will say a prayer to give you strength as well as BookWorm.
Cattail & Linda, Try to remember that he will be going to a higher place.
Linda, sorry for your loss but you know he is at a better higher place.
Kuli, that is so sweet of you to let us caregivers know that not everyone is cut out to be one. It takes a caregiver to know a caregiver for he or she has walked in our shoes n some. I hope the therapy helps for it seems like it has already n you are here helping others. My son has PTSD from being overseas 4 times in war for over a yr per tour. My personal feelings on that is they send the same ones out too many times n don't get enough break in between. It takes a huge toll on them n their life. I was fortuate that my son was able to make it back safe.
Austin, glad to see you on here as well.
Anyone I forgot I did not do it on intention. I hope everyone has a nice day as much as possible.
Diane, sorry u had to go part-time for employment. As for your mom wanting you to hold her for 20 minutes, good grief! That would break any person's back. I think if she wants to try n stand-up then I swing her one of those walkers. Let us know how the caregiver support group works out.
you ll know whenhe s passing when he is not poopin or peeing , pa was dry allnight long and the next day i change him its still dry . that is when he was leaving us to a better place .
did hospice say when he will be gone ? mine said it s just matter of hours . his oxgyen kept droppin down lower and lower . waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i know how ure feeling dear . sending my angels at your way . xoxo