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Thanks for the encouragement. Dad behaved overnight so I'm back to my usual self - tired. I'm not sure why I have such a major reaction over poop Mess. I seem to over-react to it. And it triggers my depression. Most likely it's something in my childhood trauma that I have also completely blocked from memory along with other stuff. I think the way I react to it is Not Normal. Sigh...Another PRO for therapy.
Meanwhile2: I would use duct tape but he would make a hole on the backside of the pamper and dig in. He's done that before. I'd rather he did not make a hole on the pamper because it would really add more mess on the bed.
Others, on other threads, suggested that I seal his pants so that he cannot dig inside. So, just as I told them, I will also tell you this. I will Not do anything to make my dad very angry. I have to change his pampers. In order to change his pampers, I will have to be up close to him. If I make him very angry (and he will have all night to simmer in anger), he Will hit me. And if I bend over to pull his pants down, he can kick me on my exposed throat (he already said that he can kill me just by kicking me there.) I appreciate the advice but I will not do anything that will anger him to hit me - since I will have to change his pampers.
Stressed247, welcome to AC! My dad skipped that stage. I don't even think mom ever went through that. But I have read from others that their parent also did what your mom is doing - trying to show that they poop! Weird, how the minds of several people from different locations share the same actions....
Bookworm: Good for you telling your Bro like it is. It is only the truth, plain and simple. It makes me angry to think that he will move into your home when one of your parents die and expect you to accept that. I hope you will leave and I hope you are saving some money for that day. You deserve so much more in life..
Meanwhile2: When you give us a positive update on Omaha, it's like the skys clear and a big ray of sunshine flows through. Good news and thanks for sharing it.
Cricket: Sounds like the hurricane may pass you by and head for New Orleans. Wishing all in it's path a safe encounter.
Agree stay safe in the Issac zone, and the rest of us wading through shit literally not metaphorically. Good week all, what ever that can be for you....
I am glad Omaha is doing good -when my granddaughter was small we gave her horseback riding lessons and our grandson for a while then it got too expensive but she got great training which she can always go back to later on in her life.
Book, vent all you want. How about putting your Dad's pampers on with duct tape? And, good for you, telling your brother off. Just a little up date on Omaha, the rescue horse. Sis rode him for half an hour today, just walked around the paddock, practicing turns and stops. He looks great. Hope everyone is safe and sound.
I got cut off that is $4000.-- a month -our Mom can not pay that money she does not have -she gets her aparment very cheaply and all her needs are met by my sister her family and other tenents in the building. I am not sure he believed me or not but Mom did look into AL and a good friend of mine just moved into an AL it is real nice but for $4000.00 a month it better be nice.
The last time my brother and I went to see our eldery aunt -we were talking about our Mom and he said she probably needs assisted living-he has no idea how much that will cost with upfrount money and about $4000.00
Book I am so sorry for you I am glad you stuck to your guns-what does he expect you to do cut yourself in half to get everything-don't suggest it to him he probably will say yes-if they move in you move out even going to a shelter would be better for you while you regrouped-have a dish of ice cream for me.
Thanks, Diane, Cat. I really do appreciate it. I teared up reading it. I only cry when I'm depress. I get depress when I hit the poopy stage.
I was a bit down today. Fave sis and the kids and grandkids came. Usually I play with the grands. Today, I just wasn't in the mood. I carried them and then quickly gave them back. Usually sis and I will talk but I was a bit quiet so they left early. I wanted to wash all the dirty laundry that's pooh-free first before I do the gross one. As I was hanging the clothes, bro from next door came.
Bro came over because he's concerned that I hired a paid stranger caregiver for the parents when I'm at work on Saturday. He's worried that she might go through the bedrooms or get dad to sign things. I said in frustration (remember, he's the oldest boy with 3 grown children living with him next door), "What do you want me to do?! None of the family wants to help! If you find someone who's willing, fine. I'll pay them. But nobody wants to do it. So, I have to hire a stranger. And yes, I'm aware that outsider caregivers can get the aged person to sign papers. I don't care! This house and land is not going to me. So, it doesn't matter to me if dad signs papers. Plus she cleans! She cleaned our restroom, the kitchen, the porch and just yesterday, she washed the curtains."
I know my family. When dad dies, bro of next door will move in with the "intention to help me care for mom." When he moves in, the whole family will move in. Then he will rent out his place. Even with everyone here, they will all do their disappearing act and I will be left caring for mom and any little ones. They move in, I will move out - without mom. Then my 2 brothers in the states will just have to come back home and wrestle this house/land from oldest bro. Oldest bro will win. I want nothing of this family drama when dad dies.
So, now bro is worried about dad giving away the house/land. Maybe now, he will push for one of his kids to move in and help. When bro mentioned this last year, I had looked at my nephew and told him straight out, that when they move in, they will help with the grandparents and the bills. If they want air con in their bedroom, they will have to buy it and help pay the power bill. I guess that's why nephew never moved in. I'm not his father. I don't expect slackers here. You move in - you help. No job? then go and get one. I don't care if it's at MacD. I will not put up with his B.S. like his parents. He's over 20 years old, has a girlfriend and a child - and both of them have no interest in getting jobs.
Sorry, I'm going on and on. It's because I'm now feeling guilty for hiring a stranger. Oldest bro is very good at that. But, I'm tired.. Tired of everything. They won't help but they bring "concern" that dad will sign something. Then do something! Help me! ...
I'm tired. I'm signing off. Time to change their pampers, etc....When done, I will reward myself with ice cream and lots of chocolate sundae on top. Eat it slowly to enjoy the flavor and make it last. I'm venting...I hope I feel better tomorrow. I will if dad does Not Touch his pampers tonight. I sure hope he doesn't!!!
Bookworm: I don't know what religion you are and I don't care. Let me guarantee you, there is a place in heaven with your name on the door. Good God, you have so much shit (no pun intended) on you plate. I am so thankful that you are here with us and posting and helping so many. You are an amazing person. Hang in there and cry any time you feel the need. We are always here for you and we all love you very much.
Diane: Everytime I see your picture it still makes me laugh my ass off. It is absolute perfection. You are solid gold and I love you to bits.
Cricket: I don't know what we would do with out you.
Linda: Good to hear your voice, even if the words are short and it took a hurricane to bring you to the surface. Hope you are ok.
Bookworm, I can imagine how you feel because I remember how distraught I felt dealing with mom when she had the stomach virus. She and everything in her bed was covered in poop. At least that was a brief episode and not everyday like you are facing. Sending love and support across the miles.
Let's hope that the storm is a "banana" storm (winds strong enough to only knock down bananas trees and nothing else.) However, like all storms, it will bring the rain and hence the flooding...Hope you all have your emergency supplies just in case the power goes out...
I really thought I'm beginning to get the hang of dealing with dad's poop mess. I didn't freak out this morning. His clothes and laundry are still outside the porch waiting for me to splash off the excess poop before going in the washer...I really thought I handled it well...Except as I was posting here, I started crying...I guess I'm NOT handling it well. ....I just really, really, really hate dealing with pampers and pooh that is NOT in the pampers where it belongs. Can you believe, even when I showed it to my dad that he touched his poop and left it on the bedsheet (and pants, and shirt and bedpad), he Still insists it's not poop....Sorry, I just needed to vent because sooner or later I'm going to Have to deal with those yucky clothes outside. Ugh!!!
Hey my Husband will use the hall bathroom and he rarely shuts the damn door! The other day one of the dogs pushed the door all the way open and he says to the dog..hey, can't I get some privacy here. I walked by and said "if you want privacy shut the door" Doh!!! No he doesn't have any excuse like AD. I think he is secretly an exhibitionist. My stepson grew out of it ...TG! Anyway, welcome to the thread "stressed247" and hold on to your seat because you're in for a wild ride, lol Linda my "shitzofrantic" friend we are going to be fine with the storm. We've been through much worse. Thanks for thinking about me, love you. xoxo Tim, come post in here at night... don't be lonely. I'm usually checking in here once a day. xoxo Well I'm off to go move everything off the patio and around the pool so it doesn't all get blown into the pool, lol I'll keep everyone posted as to the storm. Love you all. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
My parents still live next door (Thank God), but when they come to visit, they both refuse to shut the bathroom door when they are in there. What is the problem??
Stressed247. Welcome n join the crowd. Vent all u must n vent some more. Hey, be thankful at least she don't grab it out of the toilet bowl like my mil does sometimes just to prove she is not constipated as she squashes it between her fingers. Yuck!!!!. Maybe your mom only understood part of the sentence n that may be, leave it open? I am sorry that your mom has cancer. This site is pretty good for emotional support. Hang in there.
i have to say I giggled when reading the post from the beginning. I just got my mother, who is already driving me crazy! I asked her to leave the bathroom door open when she finished using the restroom (because the toilet runs constantly and I need to manually stop it). I walk down the hall and see her sitting on the toilet, popping, with the door wide open! Not only am I grossed out because she insists on me looking at her stool, but she is in plain sight of my husband!!! Luckily he didn't see her! OMFG! I don't know how much I can take of her leaving pooppy diapers, wipes and dirty tissues all over the house! WTF?!
Tim, do take care of yourself. Staying busy is not a bad thing. Stuff can sort of creep up on you and make you feel like your drowning sometimes, and it is just easier to keep moving. I know I worried people around me after my husband died. I couldn't stop moving, couldn't sleep, It is still hard, but time makes it a little easier to deal with.
Tim take care of yourself-I did not realize you were in the health care field-you must be an RN-I worked with a nurse who became Chris Reeves - Superman's- main nurse who was in charge his aids and nurses and his travel schedule.
Hey, I'm busier than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.... But, I miss you guys. Reading along but never have much time to comment and say hi. xx
Kathy I am so sorry for all you are going through-we will keep you out the that darn black hole-you must be exhausted with all the canning-think how good those things will be this winter. Tim -glad youstoped in and I hope you are not working too hard-good to hear from you.
Ty so much guys and gals ..ya its tough but I'm still breathing I guess that's the key ..I guess I would be in trouble if I stopped :) well things are ok I don't remember if I told.ya guys but I went back to work AND My newi w client keeps me very busy which is nice he's 30 so very active but the night's are hard so now Igot a new one for stories ... So he's a parapeligic and he has two wheel chair vans well one was in the.shop getting the controls removed to turn it into a caregiver driven van the other as they were on vacation the slider door fell off...still trying to figure that one out but he deffinetly keeps me on my get ...well I truely appreciate you all and Ty once again
Hi everyone, Cat I loved hearing all the details about your family and the critters! Both my husband and father feed the dogs from the table.. I feel the same way as you about it but I tolerate it because they are hopeless. Diane, social workers and the system...the whole thing just really sucks. Cat is right you have to just keep pressing forward.. About the webinar.. last I spoke with Bobbie she was working on the possibility of changing the format around to internet radio and that we most likely wouldn't have a webinar this week for venting. I will be doing the webinar tonight for our weight loss support group and am looking forward to that. I hope you can come too. Deef! I am so glad to see you back. I missed you but hey girlfriend we all need to press the pause button now and then and sometimes we (as in many of us) have to find it first!! I am so happy for you and your Mom that at least you have your sister Eileen to show up and actually help sometimes. I'm glad you're here but don't pressure yourself about being here all the time when you can't. We all have to give and take what we can when we can. Hey Cuz, that story was great. xo *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
Kathy: It's good to hear from you. I think about you often and confess to some worry when you don't check in. What a stressful time you've had. Both you and Diane have sure been through the mill. Sending you prayers and best wishes, Cat.
GOD HAS SUCH A SENSE OF HUMOUR A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do. She called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse.
She said: "You mightfind a coat hanger and use that to open the door." The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had beenleft on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had lockedtheir keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said: "I don't know how to use this. "She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.The woman thought: "This is what you sent to help me?"However, she was desperate.The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.She said: "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"He said: "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.She hugged the man and through her tears she said: "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."The man replied: "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft." The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears criedout loud: "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!!" Is GOD good or what!!??
Hi Kathy, Good to see you online again! I understand about feeling overwhelmed and stretched too thin. I've been fretting about what we are going to eat after Saturday and the pastor showed up today with a giftcard for the grocery! Thank you Lord!! Between mom being in the donut hole and the sibs no longer contributing financially, it has been a tough few months. I'm not sure what your prescription drugs are like, but my boyfriend has found some great coupons through goodrxdotcom. We just picked up his plavix from Walmart with the coupon for $17 instead of $81. Maybe that can help you out some too. I may have to come visit next summer to learn how to can. I only had a small raised garden and I've had plenty of tomatoes, green beans, green peppers, eggplant and cucumbers. If I had a large garden I would have been in trouble. I'm glad your sister was able to visit you and your mom. I know it must have been wonderful to have the company.
I hope everyone else is hanging in there and staying out of the black hole. I found out from the social worker at the doctor's office that I still dont have the right medicaid application for for mom. It just amazes me the bureaucratic bs that you must go through to try and get help. Bobbie, when are you going to be on spreecast again?
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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Meanwhile2: I would use duct tape but he would make a hole on the backside of the pamper and dig in. He's done that before. I'd rather he did not make a hole on the pamper because it would really add more mess on the bed.
Others, on other threads, suggested that I seal his pants so that he cannot dig inside. So, just as I told them, I will also tell you this. I will Not do anything to make my dad very angry. I have to change his pampers. In order to change his pampers, I will have to be up close to him. If I make him very angry (and he will have all night to simmer in anger), he Will hit me. And if I bend over to pull his pants down, he can kick me on my exposed throat (he already said that he can kill me just by kicking me there.) I appreciate the advice but I will not do anything that will anger him to hit me - since I will have to change his pampers.
Stressed247, welcome to AC! My dad skipped that stage. I don't even think mom ever went through that. But I have read from others that their parent also did what your mom is doing - trying to show that they poop! Weird, how the minds of several people from different locations share the same actions....
Meanwhile2: When you give us a positive update on Omaha, it's like the skys clear and a big ray of sunshine flows through. Good news and thanks for sharing it.
Cricket: Sounds like the hurricane may pass you by and head for New Orleans. Wishing all in it's path a safe encounter.
Hugs Cat
Just a little up date on Omaha, the rescue horse. Sis rode him for half an hour today, just walked around the paddock, practicing turns and stops. He looks great.
Hope everyone is safe and sound.
I was a bit down today. Fave sis and the kids and grandkids came. Usually I play with the grands. Today, I just wasn't in the mood. I carried them and then quickly gave them back. Usually sis and I will talk but I was a bit quiet so they left early. I wanted to wash all the dirty laundry that's pooh-free first before I do the gross one. As I was hanging the clothes, bro from next door came.
Bro came over because he's concerned that I hired a paid stranger caregiver for the parents when I'm at work on Saturday. He's worried that she might go through the bedrooms or get dad to sign things. I said in frustration (remember, he's the oldest boy with 3 grown children living with him next door), "What do you want me to do?! None of the family wants to help! If you find someone who's willing, fine. I'll pay them. But nobody wants to do it. So, I have to hire a stranger. And yes, I'm aware that outsider caregivers can get the aged person to sign papers. I don't care! This house and land is not going to me. So, it doesn't matter to me if dad signs papers. Plus she cleans! She cleaned our restroom, the kitchen, the porch and just yesterday, she washed the curtains."
I know my family. When dad dies, bro of next door will move in with the "intention to help me care for mom." When he moves in, the whole family will move in. Then he will rent out his place. Even with everyone here, they will all do their disappearing act and I will be left caring for mom and any little ones. They move in, I will move out - without mom. Then my 2 brothers in the states will just have to come back home and wrestle this house/land from oldest bro. Oldest bro will win. I want nothing of this family drama when dad dies.
So, now bro is worried about dad giving away the house/land. Maybe now, he will push for one of his kids to move in and help. When bro mentioned this last year, I had looked at my nephew and told him straight out, that when they move in, they will help with the grandparents and the bills. If they want air con in their bedroom, they will have to buy it and help pay the power bill. I guess that's why nephew never moved in. I'm not his father. I don't expect slackers here. You move in - you help. No job? then go and get one. I don't care if it's at MacD. I will not put up with his B.S. like his parents. He's over 20 years old, has a girlfriend and a child - and both of them have no interest in getting jobs.
Sorry, I'm going on and on. It's because I'm now feeling guilty for hiring a stranger. Oldest bro is very good at that. But, I'm tired.. Tired of everything. They won't help but they bring "concern" that dad will sign something. Then do something! Help me! ...
I'm tired. I'm signing off. Time to change their pampers, etc....When done, I will reward myself with ice cream and lots of chocolate sundae on top. Eat it slowly to enjoy the flavor and make it last. I'm venting...I hope I feel better tomorrow. I will if dad does Not Touch his pampers tonight. I sure hope he doesn't!!!
Diane: Everytime I see your picture it still makes me laugh my ass off. It is absolute perfection. You are solid gold and I love you to bits.
Cricket: I don't know what we would do with out you.
Linda: Good to hear your voice, even if the words are short and it took a hurricane to bring you to the surface. Hope you are ok.
Love to all, ,Cattails
I really thought I'm beginning to get the hang of dealing with dad's poop mess. I didn't freak out this morning. His clothes and laundry are still outside the porch waiting for me to splash off the excess poop before going in the washer...I really thought I handled it well...Except as I was posting here, I started crying...I guess I'm NOT handling it well. ....I just really, really, really hate dealing with pampers and pooh that is NOT in the pampers where it belongs. Can you believe, even when I showed it to my dad that he touched his poop and left it on the bedsheet (and pants, and shirt and bedpad), he Still insists it's not poop....Sorry, I just needed to vent because sooner or later I'm going to Have to deal with those yucky clothes outside. Ugh!!!
Anyway, welcome to the thread "stressed247" and hold on to your seat because you're in for a wild ride, lol
Linda my "shitzofrantic" friend we are going to be fine with the storm. We've been through much worse. Thanks for thinking about me, love you. xoxo
Tim, come post in here at night... don't be lonely. I'm usually checking in here once a day. xoxo
Well I'm off to go move everything off the patio and around the pool so it doesn't all get blown into the pool, lol I'll keep everyone posted as to the storm. Love you all.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Diane, social workers and the system...the whole thing just really sucks. Cat is right you have to just keep pressing forward.. About the webinar.. last I spoke with Bobbie she was working on the possibility of changing the format around to internet radio and that we most likely wouldn't have a webinar this week for venting. I will be doing the webinar tonight for our weight loss support group and am looking forward to that. I hope you can come too.
Deef! I am so glad to see you back. I missed you but hey girlfriend we all need to press the pause button now and then and sometimes we (as in many of us) have to find it first!! I am so happy for you and your Mom that at least you have your sister Eileen to show up and actually help sometimes. I'm glad you're here but don't pressure yourself about being here all the time when you can't. We all have to give and take what we can when we can.
Hey Cuz, that story was great. xo
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
Cat
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do.
She called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse.
She said: "You mightfind a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had beenleft on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had lockedtheir keys in their car.
She looked at the hanger and said: "I don't know how to use this.
"She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up.
A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.The woman thought: "This is what you sent to help me?"However, she was desperate.The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.She said: "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"He said: "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.She hugged the man and through her tears she said: "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."The man replied: "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears criedout loud: "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!!"
Is GOD good or what!!??
I hope everyone else is hanging in there and staying out of the black hole. I found out from the social worker at the doctor's office that I still dont have the right medicaid application for for mom. It just amazes me the bureaucratic bs that you must go through to try and get help. Bobbie, when are you going to be on spreecast again?
Have a good night all!
Love ya,
Diane