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I have been hiding from the world and out of contact with all my
online friends for way too long!!! So sorry for my absence. It has
been a crazy summer here! Way too hot for me to function.

Mom is slowing down more each day. She never used to look tired, but
does by afternoon almost every day now. She still eats well, when we
can get her attention and she'll open her mouth. She walks very little
with assistance. Her knees are always bent and she can't get her feet
to move. I drive my car into the yard now so that the passenger door
is facing the house. I haul her down the 2 stairs off her porch, in
her wheelchair, then park her close to the car so I can lift her off
her chair and into the car. This is sometimes quite the challenge, as
she will not bend at the waist to sit! She is still at daycare 3 days
a week for 6 hours and I have Merry on the other 4 days.

My oldest sister, Eileen, stayed with us for 2 weeks at the end of
July into August. It was great to have her company as always. She
bought all the food and essentials while she was here. Mom's diapers
and pads and body wash and wipes, as well as toilet paper and paper
towels. She gets really upset when she hears how often our other sibs
stop by to visit or check to see if I need help. we all know that
never happens!!! Of course they all showed up a couple times while she
was here because they know she provides food and I do the cooking. It
was Mom's birthday and no one came to see her or even brought her a
gift. Guess they figure she has no clue, so why bother wasting their
money.

I've been able to use the pool more than usual this summer because of
the heat, but still had to schedule my time around Mom. My husband is
still out of work and done with unemployment compensation. He is now
collecting social security and we have an appointment at the local
hospital after Labor Day, to apply for health insurance. We do not
have any for now. The garden was doing well until we got torrential
rains the last 2 weeks. Now my tomatoes are rotting before they ripen.
My solution is to make salsa and can it. So far I have made 2 batches
of salsa and plan on doing more. Found this killer recipe online! I've
also made blueberry, strawberry, peach, and peach melba jam. We just
picked the concord grapes today and will be making grape jam this
weekend. It's exhausting work, but well worth the effort in the end.
Our raspberry plants are yielding a good crop this year, so it
raspberry jam in the near future!

Things were pretty bleak for a while. There was a hold up in Mom's LTC
reimbursement checks for a while and cash was very short. I was really
getting worried about finances and couldn't think beyond that for a
few months. Then summer came with a vengeance and now it's jam and
canning season. And of course there is the never ending husband over
my shoulder!!!! That takes up way too much of my time! Although my
health has been okay physically, the mental side of it has suffered
some lately, but I'm starting to get back to my old self as the cooler
weather revives me. As always, my restless legs are keeping me from
getting enough sleep, maybe a bit more so than usual.

So, I just wanted to apologize to all my good friends and let you know
a bit of what's been going on here with me. I hope all of you are well
and taking care of yourselves as best you can. Know that I do care and
think about all of you often and will try to get my sorry ass to
communicate more from now on!

Love Kathy (Deefer)
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Cat I am so very glad you take the dogs to the NH that is a great gift not only to your father but the other residents -the NH my husband was in most of the time allowed dogs and I would ask their owners to please go into see my husband while they were there and most of the time they would at times they did not want to be bother and my good friend who now is in AL had a visit from a vol. at the NH she was at just before she left and it was so presious I almost cried-good for you girlfriend.
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Hi everyone:

A little more about the wedding. One of the things that really impressed me was how cool and calm Amanda stayed during the week before her wedding. Same is true of Brad, her now husband. There were plenty of friends and family coming into North Dakota for this wedding and they started arriving last Tuesday. Brad and Amanda made arrangements at central locations, like our hotel one evening, so everyone could come there and get together. Her younger brothers could go swimming in the pool (others did also) and we could all hang out together and catch up. When we went to breakfast, she just let everyone know the place and time. People came and went and the kids just stayed and visited with everyone. It actually worked out really well.

After the rehearsal, there was the usual rehearsal dinner, but instead of limiting it to just the bridal party, they included all out of town family and friends. It was at Brad's parents house and was a simple and fun pot luck type event held in the yard. Perfect weather, stayed in the 70's the whole time.

Wedding was at 4PM Saturday. The ceremony was really touching and Amanda looked so beautiful. At the reception, Amanda and Brad had their first dance and on the second song, she danced with her father and grandfather (my hubby). Brad and Amanda spent the evening dancing with friends and family and visiting with everyone in attendance. I was just very impressed with both of them at how gracious and caring they were to all who shared their special event.

We picked up the dogs yesterday and they managed fine in our absence. This boarding facility is excellent. There were 3 other Shelties there, so Kelly (owner) put them together during the day. Shelties are very fond of other Shelties so it was a happy little group that enjoyed being together. Marcus & Mattie also got to nap on a big doggie bed in the office during the day and spend time with Kelly when she was working at the front desk. Note this place is locked at all times. You can't come in the front door of the office unless all dogs are secured behind baby gates. Every inch of the place is on TV monitors at all times. Dogs are not locked in cages. They have a ton of fenced areas to play and be out of doors and are always supervised. At night Marcus and Mattie have their own room to sleep in which include beds and a sofa. Marcus (who is a rescue dog and afraid of men) even warmed up to Kelly's husband and let him pet and fuss on him.

So, everyone did well and we are home and happy. Thanks for caring and missing me.

Diane: I am so sorry about the Medicaid snafu. Take a deep breath and keep going forward. Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to accept that systems take time to navigate and things take longer than they should. It's not ok, but there isn't a darn thing you can do about it but to keep on it. I am praying that you will have a quick turn around on this second attempt. Keep your chin up and know that we are all pulling for you.

Tim: I'm sorry for the loss you feel and about the daughter going to live with her inept dad. I do appreciate Meanwhile's comment that you were there at such a critical time in Laura's life and in the lives of her children. We will be thinking of you and hope you stay in touch.

Cricket: Hope all is well with you and that your dad is behaving.

We had a care meeting at the NH today regarding my dad. He seems to be disconnecting from people and not doing as much for himself as he did at home. Although he can't do much of anything, he did always feed himself and now staff is having to help with that. It depends on how alert he is feeling on any given day and it seems to be more up and down now.

Tomorrow, hubby and going to go see him at lunchtime and bring cheese burgers. We are also taking the dogs with us. One of my dad's favorite things was to feed the dogs at the breakfast table when he was with us. Both of the moochers would be poised on each side of him, just waiting for him to drop something or offer a handout.

My dad has done this all his life with his dogs. Personally, I don't want a drooling dog watching me eat and don't allow it, but when my dad was with us we just let that rule go out the window. So tomorrow it will be lunch for 5. I hope that cheers him up and can be worked into the schedule on a regular basis.

Hugs to everyone, Cat
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Welcome back Cat, it sounds like you had a wonderful time being there for your Granddaughter's Wedding. We are glad to have you back here with us and we missed you too.

Diane, whew! As usual the process is a pain in the butt but yay! for there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I really hope that they get it right this time and you get some help.

Meanwhile2, the wisdom you show as a result of your willingness to accept the changes that life brings is such a good example to us all. I am so glad that you are still here with us.

I hope everyone is well.. love you all.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
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Cat, glad you enjoyed your granddaughters wedding. Good to have you back. Good luck with the medicaid forms Diane. Try not to pull your hair out.
Tim, do keep in touch. I'm sure Laura, and her daughter were better off for having you in their lives, even for a little while. Lean on your friends, and let them know what you want. Love Shirley
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Diane I am so sorry they gave you the wrong form-sometimes I wonder about the people they hire-I know when I had to call with questions I would get different answers on different days-in my job if I did not know the answer I would say that and then find out the right but I notice nw days no one wants to admit they do not know the answer and just make up something-I hope things go more smoothly from here on in this process.
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Cattail, welcome back n we miss you too. Glad your Grandaughter's wedding turn out to be great and it sounded beautiful from what little details you have given us. Of course it's just 2am. ; ) Maybe once you go pick up your children from the vet n they get done hooping n hollering n licking you to death that, you will give us more detail about the wedding. Too bad we cannot view pictures on here, darn! Glad you had a great time n welcome back.
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Hi Crew,
It appears that no matter what I was telling Medicaid I was applying for it seems they had me go through the wrong form & process. I have another 8 page form to complete and submit to an office on the other side of town. Supposedly this part of Medicaid has a different income threshold than the Medicaid I applied for for mom. Here in South Carolina I have to aaply for a Long Term Care Community Waiver. This is to help pay for either a nursing home or in-home care. I am hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel. It just irks the hell out of me that they wasted my time for the other crap.

The good news is that mom is getting back to being more coherent and alert since she has come off of the Namenda and the Lexapro. She has an appointment tomorrow with her new primary care physician, so we will see what her thoughts are on all the meds.

Thank you all for the encouragement and support you have given me. Tim, my heart goes out to you as you try regain your life. Keep in touch with us.

Well I need to get dinner going so I will check-in later.

Love ya,
Diane
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Hi Crew,

Thunderstorms here so I'm going offline... I hope everyone is safe and semi-sane, lol
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
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Good morning all!
Cat-so happy for you and your grandaughter! Wish you could post pictures for us all to see. So glad you had a wonderful time! I bet those babies will be sooo happy to see you today!

Diane-I too hope you had some news yesterday that will put you back on the track of getting this medicaid hurdle accomplished. The hoops we must go throught when we have so little energy left! Sending you positive energy to keep the ball rolling and get this thing done! Hugs to you!

Tim, I am so sorry for your loss. Keep in touch with all here please-we will be here for you!

Thought I had a few more minutes-but mom is calling to get out of bed! Wishing you all a decent day!

Mame
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Hi everyone: I'm back!!!! As some of you know, my Granddaughter, Amanda, got married this past weekend, Sat, Aug 18th. We left last Wednesday to fly to North Dakota for the wedding.

Let me just say that I missed you all. Diane, it's Monday now so I hope you were able to get more info about your mom's Medicaid application. It's doable. Hang in there and if you want to talk about it, I'm here. Been through it.

Back to the wedding, I'm just going to give the summary because it's 2 am here and I'm home and ready for bed, but just needed to check in.

Amanda was so beautiful in her wedding dress. It was a timeless and classic dress and her hair was fixed just perfectly for the occasion. I think she picked the best guy possible for her husband. I just love him to bits.

I could write pages about Amanda. She's an old soul for 22 years old. I can say that I trust her judgement and have faith in her choices. I don't say that lightly, believe me.

I'll tell you more tomorrow. There's so much to tell, I really don't know where to begin. All I can say is I love that child with all of my heart and soul.

Getting the dogs out of hock at 9am from the boarder. Hoping they are not too traumatized, poor babies. Once I have my kids back, I will totally relax. I'm at 90 percent relaxed now, but can't rest until we have the kids.

Glad to be home, but miss my Amanda. I'd do anything for her, but moving to North Dakota is asking soooooooooooooo much.

Love all of you,

Cattails
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Cricket, glad u got some rain in Fl. I have realtives that live their too n they could use some rain big time. The lightening would scare the mess out of me when it goes popping.
Cuz that was funny.
I hope everyone is doing fine, just playing catch up on the reading.
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tbaily if that was me every f-ing swere would have come out of my mouth and probably a few new one-I would have exploded everyone would have been afraid of sticking around-I would ban those people from the house if they can't help stay the f away.
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Diane keep your head up damn you have been put through sooo much someone owes you something like Bobbie said & you will b blesses hopefully soon..
My Good Ole SIL & husband stopped by yesterday on there new harley both looking like they are going through mid life crisis talking about how she flew out to New York to ride back home with her son that has been out there doing a internship & she just went to Florida in March & I take dog for bike ride & as Im getting closer to house see BIL & nephew standing outside & my daughter sAying hurry mom aunt needs you granny had a mess.ugh I knew I should of went farther but I have feeling she would of waited because I come in MIL sitting on bedside commode took her own shitty brief off yes shitty hands and SIL looking 4 wipes has 2 paper towels laying there I just took over of corse she wanting to leave so she is saying you done mom ready 4 bed Im like no she has to sit there 4 minute I knew she was trying to hurry so her son and hubby could come in and say bye then while we are waiting she says oh mom you look like you have lost weight OH HELL NO she didnt I was here or another discussion the other day complaining how all my mil does is eat added to breakfast and she still ask all day or when anyone is eating or she hears anyone in kitchen or while IM cooking . Hubby has been telling me not to feed her or she going to get huge she can hardly fit into her old gowns UGH anyway Im sure SIL took it wrong I was like NO she isnt loosing if anything gaining I know I know she probaly is saying oh she is so rude to say that where mom can here that oh she is so rude... Welll her mom wont remb. 5 min after I said it & Im alot smaller than MIL and she has always had to watch her weight & USE to b very active... Anyway just been dying to vent to you all since yesterday lol thank you feel better now...
Tim that all sucks I hope everything works out for you...Been thinking about you hopefully there is someway you could still see 10 year old . Thats how old my girl is so I know how special they are.. God Bless you in whatever you decide to do.
HOPE all of you have a great MONDAY!!!!
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Tim, you have my condolences. I agree with Austin, continue coming here and talk with us as much as you need to. xoxo Cricket
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Oh I agree this a wonderful resource on my bag of stuff ...I love you guys happy glad sad mad I come here ...sorry there was such a hap between post really busy dealing and such.
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Tim I hope you stay with us here-I think at this time you need friends who understand.
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Ho guys so here's the up date we found out why she was getting confused I took Laura back in to the doc on the.middle of the.transplant process the.did.another scan and it came back the had taken almost half her brain over and was pressing her frontal lobes which is her pain sensories as well as memory and a few other thongs so they stopped the transplant process AMD I brought home I brought in hospice and did the end of life care at our home that was tough she went really fast she passed on th ..now the aftermath I am giving up our homeliving with friends picked up a couple clients to get the bills paid lost her daughter to the inadequate father ...its hard it sucks but its life I just hope god doesn't make mistakes the hardest part is dealing with the loss of her daughter who's 10 but I wanted to thank you all for the love and kindness you've all showed to me and supporting us through this experience
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= Happy Birthdays Deefer & Ladeeda!
Rats ... do I wish you both could have a relaxed, enjoyable day ...
Reality slap!
Maybe someday soon ....


*Do I hear Judy Collins singing?
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Good Sunday everyone. I'm getting ready to saddle up the horses and go for a ride, that is my church.
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Diane I am so sorry for what you are going through with medicaide-did they say why you were not approved-so you know any social workers who would be able to look into this for you-would the legal aid society be able to advise you and as Jsome said they probably turn everyone down the first time-they turned my mil down the first time but she had funds that she was able to use for care she just did not think she should have so they used her money for the nursing home until she reached the level they accepted then she went on medicaide-I do not know if that is the case with your Mom. We have a lawyer who works for free one day a week at our Office of the Aging maybe your Office of the Aging would be able to help you with this.
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Hot in Spokane, He is not dead just update...

Medicaid refuses everyone first go, do not give up D. treat it like a war and go into battle for yourself. You need less hassles not more! Think him not qualifying for any social services are a plus here. like there are any pluses?....
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Something good is going to come Flex. You are doing all the right things and it will come. Love you Diane.
Love all you guys.
lovbob
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Cricket, I'm trying to tell that worried voice to shut up, but it is persistent! I didn't sleep much last night just trying to figure out what to do. I was really counting on mom getting Medicaid and my major worry would be over soon. I hobestly don't have the funds to keep going much more. With mom's med costing over $700 a month and she won't be out the medicare donut hole for another 2 or 3 months. I'm trying to keep paying my bills a little at a time and hope to keep everything going. I had to charge groceries today because I didn't have enough cash. I'm getting more hospital bills as a result of my actions in May. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I had really hoped Medicaid would come through so I could get some stability in my work hours. So that aspect of my life is in jeopardy too. Shit, shit and shit!!! I'm just venting the internal worries hoping to release them. I have groceries for a week and enough money for a tank of gas. I'll just have to stop worrying about the next 7 days. I know I keep saying I need to release this anger towards my sibs, but as I sit here fretting how to keep things going, my dumb ass bro is on a trip and my sis is living in a $400,000 house and pays to care for her dogs but not her mother. I want to scream!!!!!!! I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I've been doing deep breathing exercises to keep them at bay....Here is an anology of how I feel. Have you ever dropped an expensive piece of jewelry like an earring or ring in the sink and you are watching it wash down the drain with dread? I feel like that expensive piece of jewelry is my life....glup..... glup..... glup....
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Afternoon Crew,

Bookworm and Lildeb, I recently read a couple different articles about how eating a small organic apple every evening helps with severe acid reflux. You have to eat the skin on the apple also because that's where the phytonutrients are that help. It has to be organic because the pesticides get into the skins and can't be washed off. It might be worth a try.

I found that Lime Away works great on water spots and rust. I pour it on straight and let is sit for 30 minutes then go scrub, repeat if needed but eventually it gets the stuff off.

Diane, keep telling yourself that come Monday you will get it figured out and everything will be okay. And don't listen to that worried voice that tries to creep into your thoughts..tell it to shut up, lol

Meanwhile, you are working your butt off with that fencing! Good for you!! I need to go do some exercise now myself. Becareful not to over do it... my famous last words, lol.

Love you all...
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
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Austin - thanks for chiming in. I did all of the paperwork myself but the lawyer guided me. It was exhausting and exhaustive, yes! I made checklist after checklist, photocopies, phone calls to every Dick and Harry, insurance company, investment company, my Dad had business dealings with etc.... Yes, I could write a book, too. There seems to be a lot of places one can go for help with the emotional side of care giving (like here), but not ONE central place to guide people on the practical side of things. Like, there has to be somewhere for people to "start" when they need to make decisions, but I see that most people don't know WHERE to start and often, their feet get stuck in the mud and they do nothing until the 11th hour. And by then, they're so burnt out, they can't do it. How can we turn that cycle around? I want to offer people a place to start.

xo

-SS
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SSI hope you are getting help with the medicaide paperwork -I tried to do it on my own and it almost killed me-the social work from when he was in rehab helped some after I started crying because it was too much for me-I paid a large retainer to an Elder Lawyer but thought I would get some money back if I did most of it myself-not too smart-the husband was very ill the last day of our insurance and was trasfered into the hospital and died 3 days later-I still had to pay the NH 750 dollars for the bed hold for 3 days-I could write a book om mistakes I made during caregiving days but after 16 yrs. I was a little numb-but at least can help others now with what they are going through.
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Diane,
I am going through the same process. Dad is still pending since February. Can't BELIEVE how long this takes.As you know the filing process alone for Medicaid in enough to kill anyone, never mind the person ur trying to save. So a couple of things....
Please tell me you have an elder care attorney working on this with you. A good elder care attorney knows the ins and out of any state's system and will help you tremendously and it's worth the money.

Second, like others suggested, when ur heads comes up for air, find out why she was rejected. Where I am, Dad has to have less than $2k in assets, we sold his stock, cashed in his life insurance policies, (you can keep up to certain value -- all states are different), and opened up funeral accts with that money. They don't own a home or a car, but you can keep those too. Any transactions over $1,000 are reviewed in detail so don't give money away to grand kids etc....Like I said, every state is different, but if I can help you, I will.

xo

-SS
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Diane, from what I read on this site, sometimes you just have to keep applying before they finally approve. But, yeah, it would be best to figure out Why you got rejected.

Lildeb, it's slow season now. I have a Very Difficult Time looking like I'm busy at work when I'm not. It has been like this since I first started on this job 19 years ago. When it's busy season, we all work late - sometimes until 7pm (my bosses even until 9pm). But, you see, my boss doesn't believe in giving overtime. So, even when I leave the office late at 7pm, I still time out at 5:30pm. Yes, yes, I know my rights but I don't push it. Because, when mom or dad has an emergency, I can just tell them, and I get immediate approval to go do what I need to do. I can call up their house in the morning and say, "NC, mom has so-and-so problem, I will need to take her to the hospital" He would say, "No problem. Just let us know if you also need to take off tomorrow or the whole week."

And if I don't surf the net when I'm bored, I swear, I will be sleeping! I would go take "bathroom" breaks and walk down to the 1st floor,walk up to the 3rd and still be soooo sleepy. So, I walk and walk and ...well, you all know. When you're exhausted from caregiving, no amount of coffee or walking will make us alert as we should be. And, when I keep fighting the exhaustion, I get this really mean headache!

Don't worry. Both bosses will be going off-island on Wednesday for 2 weeks. I will be all by myself in the office - drowning with all the phone calls, walk-ins, books, etc...Whenever they go off-island, I end up leaving the office at 7pm all the time.

I once tried the V8 fruit drink. I bought one small bottle and it was soooo delicious going down! I only drank halfway cuz I wanted to save some for later. Lil, like you, later like 11:50pm, I had major chest pains. I swear I thought I was having a heartattack! I even went to the clinic the next morning (told the boss I had chest pains). EKG showed normal. Ha! It was major acid reflux. Doc asked me if I drank a whole BIG bottle of it. When I showed her the size of the small bottle, she stared at me. Then said that I must be "supersensitive" to it. So, now, I pass it by the aisle with longing...soooo delicious but soooo not worth the pain!! Yep, we learn from trial and error what we can and cannot eat.

Later!
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Diane, just saw your post n I am truly sorry that your mom was denied for Medicaid. Hopefully u will be able to find out why she was denied next week n maybe it was something they messed up on their calculation part.

I had 3 sugarfree wafers about 2hrs ago n here it is 11:50 n I have heart-burn big time from hell! No sleep pooing here! I cannot take any anti-acid meds because I have to wait 2 hrs after I have taking my anti-rejection meds. I am usually in bed by 10 or at least 11pm crap! I know I was told that my stomach was having some spasm due to acid reflux disease n I cut out my caffeein from my diet cola along with taking meds for acid reflux. I guess I will trash those s/f wafers n they were good too but not worth the burning pain.

Everyone have a good night n I will try to get mine in a couple of hrs.
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