Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Mame can't you son do the paperwork for college or is it something that has to be done by the parents-when my kids were going-they are now in their 40's-they did all the paperwork we just told them our financial stuff-you already have too much to do for everyone.
Bobbie, 2 things-that woman may be able to "communicate" with animals and the dead but she sure doesn't have empathy to communicate with a living feeling human being! And, no wonder she is looking for another job....
I am miserable today. I should be happy-I had a great weekend, mom is doing great from her tooth extraction and it is not as hot today...but I am not happy! I have college crap to fill out for second son, first son has car repairs needed of $500 and really can't afford it so needs our help, my sister emailed me to let me know that her hubby's family has something going on out of state the same weekend my hubby and I are supposed to get away to a nieces wedding...she is the only one who has ever stayed overnight...so now, we may have to go and come back when we were really hoping for a night away... She will probably not go to her hubby's thing cause she feels really bad for me-and I appreciate that-but I am just so mad it has to be this way! Now, my best family helper is missing out on things she wants to do too! Here I go again, hitting my head against the wall wishing things were different! When will I be able to roll with the punches and not get so upset about these "possible" setbacks etc? I guess I just want freedom... It is scary to think what I will do after mom is gone... Maybe I should be careful what I wish for...I think that is what I want. But it is so useless to think about what isn't. One day at a time right? My counselor keeps trying to have me see the positive or enjoy the good moments...and I do when they are there...but I am so bored and just want to be free to do what I want-when I want! Yet, I won't put her in a home. I hate the caregivers that come and don't trust them as some of you were just writing about. I recently told the service that the deaf lady coming here to be a companion for mom wasn't working out...so they brought another lady-she does not want to wipe arses! Well, hmmmm...that won't work-you should have seen the look she gave me! I cannot guarantee that if I go out she won't take a dump or have diahrea! What are you going to do call me as I am getting my hair cut and tell me to come home??? Also, getting her to and from daycare is exhausting and almost not worth it! Oh God...I am just miserable. AND I am procrastinating cause I do not want to do the college paperwork...but if I don't it will make me anxious...so I REALLY need to do it! UGH!!! Vent and Live right? Good God,I am sorry to go on and on. I am going to try and get some of this paperwork done and maybe I will feel better. I will check in later. Thanks for being here. Love to all. Mame
You guys are making me scream. Just scared the cat.
Ya, Cricket that's a good way to see it and I was just feeling low this morning. Pity party is over for now. Thanks you guys.
Judy! Well, I see that you'd be a handy crew member on a boat... Big fish are about 30 miles out.
That lady who was on the boat was actually a very nice person and is now travelling everywhere. She's smart and was fun to be around until... Anyway, good speed to her and good health, but Judy! the chum idea was hilarious.
Cricket I have also believed in the veil being lifted as well so everything you said made sense to me. Feels very familiar.
Jen you are so right about funny!
Has anyone heard from Tim?
Going over to read that My Narcissistic mother was killed thread....
We're so different. Cricket, you see things in such a positive light - I need some of that peace - got to hang around you more. Me, well, all I could think of was that Bobbie should've pushed her ass off the boat, dragged her out to sea and used her to chum for some really big fish with some really big teeth. Maybe I shouldn't have this 3rd cup of coffee. I think it makes me a bit....prickly. Ha!
Good morning all, I just finished reading everyone's comments and I want to say something to all of you but if I did that my post would go on and on like many of them already do, lol. There is one comment that I am really compelled to answer and that is about Bobbies post..
Bobbie, I was shocked at what you experienced with that "psychic", honestly psychic code or just a plain ol' bitch it doesn't really matter. No excuse for that kind of behavior and words.
I however can see something positive in that horrible experience and want to share it with you here. Keep in mind I am only expressing my view. I find that in all situations there is "a take away" to be had. In what you experienced I would say the take away was not consciously given by her but it was there nonetheless. It was the idea that "when their is much emotion your parents are right there with you"... Okay later she went on to basically say that wasn't true in your case, WRONG! Something deep inside me tells me that once we leave our physical realm, pass through death, that our eyes are opened, the veil is lifted. The people and things we couldn't understand in life become understandable. This belief I have comes from within myself (not religious). It therefore only seems logical to me that ones parents would be close to them because they would then see clearly their child's pain and want to comfort them. They would for the first time clearly see all the sacrifices that were made for them. How could they not see. I only ask of you to consider this possibility. Things that truly come from beyond our physical realm, from the spiritual one that are good can only be enlightening, liberating, and bring real peace and comfort. Logic says that if the good doesn't come forth from the "so called" spiritual person like that woman, or the situation then it makes me wonder about what she is really channeling and why. Sounds to me like she was channeling for self and was looking for what she could get out of the situation while being totally out of tune with the real meaning of spirit or she would have seen your need. I say push her out of the way and let the "take away" fill your need for understanding, love and acceptance that is coming through from your parents in the spiritual realm and embrace the peace that comes from that.
Love you Bobbie and Crew, *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I know about "not so respite" too. Some were good, very organized and friendly, some I wondered, Good God why DID you get into this career?....
Gonna be sick hot today...and he gets all day in the air conditioned center, fed and med him and he is now in the hall grumbling mom is in the shower...OLD man THIS is her house, she has made more than enough ROOM for you, changed her whole life to look after your needs and wants for four years now, for no pay and a lot of grief, you really can just go shit in your pants...literally, like on the bed, on the wall ( no idea how he does that ) on the floor on the furniture. It seems only a whim that you USE the bathroom at all, so go away!!!!
Jen!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA The Demented and firearms, cars, omg you name it. Glad you are getting a few more hours a week break from FP and I hope you frisbee the Hawaiian music too.
Victoria! You vent and vent and the great thing about this site is that you can post almost anywhere and someone will pop up and say, ya, I know how you feel just like onlyme did on your last post. I also have a huge issue with professionals and the demented. Love how someone is demented until the 'pro' needs something signed, etc. Liars, cheats and scammers that a caregiver has to negotiate as well as all of the emotional and physical abuse. Terriffic.
So many 'outside' caregivers are folks that are unemployable anywhere else and so they do this job and it's scary to think of who they are and what they aren't capable of. A good outside caregiver wouldn't have their feelings hurt by that statement because they are well aware how truly rare they are and that the families they work for are so grateful for them.
LINDA!!!! It was so good to see your posts and I think of you more than once a day! So there! haha. I'm sorry that you are feeling punk but you know that I know what it all feels like as well. Day by day. Maybe there's some online stuff you can do for work...? Hey, I dunno... I want to work as well but only know how to do a few things that are very specific. ehhh. Hope you have a great time at King's Island. (did I get the name right?)
Don't remember if I told this story to you guys...... Speaking of dreaming about lost parents. A few months ago I hosted a lady here on the boat that I met through a website for sailors trying to hook up to crew boats. (this is a big boat: needs crew) OK, so we chat online for a few weeks and she sounds pleasant enough and funny so I think, hey why not? She arrives and we have a glass of wine and she begins to tell me her story and that she is an 'animal communicator' as well as a 'psychic' in the fact that she could see dead relatives, etc. I'm thinking hey, to each his own but maybe.... Now keep in mind that I didn't tell her MY story as far as recently lost my mom, heartbreaking circumstances, my dad gone so many years, all the insanity of being told not to come home back in the day and them never calling me (I did all the calling) and saying all the mean stuff etc etc. She keeps telling me different psychic stories and how she was able to bring some peace to those left behind and other nice things like that. We go out to the Mexican restaurant that's close by and she starts talking about being a psychic again and how she was able to talk to someone's mom, blah blah and I start to cry. Right there in the booth I am crying. She says: what's the matter? and I tell her that mom died and I miss her and that this transition has been so hard, etc. She says, well don't worry, when there is this much emotion your parents are very near to you. So I stop crying and think ooohh, that is so sweet maybe now they want to be near me and I found that comforting. This lady stayed for 3 days and right before she left we were sitting here on the boat and I asked her if she had seen my parents (since she told me she was capable of that) and she said, 'No. They haven't been anywhere near you. I thought that was strange but I haven't felt anything from them.' I was stunned. She made her goodbyes and slipped off the boat. Linda, you and Helen showed up not long after I do believe and if you wonder why I was so sad then, that was a big reason why. After Daddy died in '93, mom would tell me how he would show up and tell her that all was going to be ok and when I went back in '04 to intervene and start the caregiving process for my mom, her friends told me how my dad came back to see them and all this time I never got to see him. I dreamed of him once where I got to hear his voice but I didn't remember in that dream that he spoke to me. I have never dreamed of my mom or my dad again. I've had nightmares about the house over and over but nothing anywhere near 'comforting'. That whole situation with that lady made me so sad that it was hard for me to live my daily life. I know that I shouldln't have given credence to her tales of being a psychic but after 3 days of stories about this and that I summoned the courage to ask her about my parents. As I look back on it, it would have taken no effort to just tell me yes, that they were near and loved me very much but I guess that was outside the 'psychic code'. After she said that they were not around I just said, ya, they are together and happy again and since I screwed everything up they are just done with me and she said ya, I guess you're right.
All we can do is make it day by day.
Day by day, Linda and onlyme and bookworm and cricket and cattails and austin and victoria and lildeb an JEN! and judy and meanwhile and Flex! where are you? and DEEF!! and Rip and Tim!! tell us when you can what's going on with you? Check in if you get a minute and Cuz and selfish siblings and all of the crew that I didn't call out to: All we can do is go Day by Day.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know. lovbob
Victoria, I know how you feel. When I was caring for my dad before he passed away, these nurses and physical therapists and all kind of folks were sent here and some were great but others, not really. We definitely caught the oxygen supply delivery guy padding his bill, my dad would sign anything, and by the time I would check the invoice against what was actually delivered, the driver was gone and we'd be short a few bottles and canulas. Also, I would get tired of people suggesting obvious things. Like no throw rugs on hard floor etc. Jeez, ya think? Or, be sure hes getting plenty of water. Oh now thats helpful, I never would have thought to keep water near him at all times. Oh I would get so mad, these people had no idea what we had already been thru, when they show up. Anyway, try to let it go, and just try to take advantage of the time you get to yourself, and vent away with the rest of us here. I owe any remaining sanity to these,kind folks right here on this forum. Hugs from onlyme
There may be hurt feelings when I say this, but I am so tired of outside caregivers coming in 1 or 2 days a week and acting like they care when the only thing they truly care about is the paycheck. Respite today, the new caregiver checked off on her timecard sheet that she showered my mother, shaved my mother and a lot of other things, some of which I don't yet do for my mother. They keep sending this woman to me. This woman that scammed me out of an hour of respite one week several months ago. She "had to leave early for personal reasons". However, she made sure my mom signed her timecard before I got home and was paid for an hours worth of work that she wasn't even here to perform. She rearranged the "diaper station" and then stuck trash in it instead of using the can that was next to it. This is only the short of it all. I'm about ready to say I don't need respite. I don't need to relax. OMFG!
Judy, Cricket is right on about that Ipod n how they give up on complaints. I use my headphones when the mil gets in one of those non-stopping whispering out loud complaing. Now, I just 'pump up the volumn,' dance, dance,dance. Okay maybe not the dance at once but I am tapping on my let to the beat. ; )
I also crank up the volume in my car when I get to sneaked off to one of my dr's visit or grocery store when hubby decided to keep his mom. I will be beating n can't sing worth a sh-T but I am singing! Oh, it's bad as you get closer to the house u start to drive slow, slower, ..... Linda, I hear ya girl. Sometimes, I will go another block just to have a few more minuets alone just to breathe n listen to the end of a song. Tbailey, glad u got to see Abbi n the smell of Youth. I love the smell of a young baby. I even buy baby lotion for it reminds me of a baby. Now, who had the licky, licky dog bath? lol.
I had my heart dr appt n have to get an echo n if I pass this test then I won't have to see him for 2 more yrs as long as I keep taking the low dose heart med. That appt is in 3 months. I also bumped up mil appt because of the foul smell in her urine n by golly got her ass up their n her pee hardly smell at all, WTF? I have been pushing her to drink more water n swear today she may have dranked a whole gallon before her appt for she got one of her pills stuck in her throat again. I mention that to him n of course she denied it n has no problem taking pill n bla, bla. But! this time I dragged hubby with us to back me up. yes! So, dr said if she continues to have the throat problem to let him know for as they get older their throat thorax may need to be stretch, Ouchie. Well, we will definantly make sure to wait on that if it is every now n then. We also talked to him about using Hospice Care in case we had an ER with one of us so we have somewhere to place mil at that time. He pretty much said that Josie-mil would have to be diagnosed to have 6months or less to live for Hospice Care. We were not told that by Hospice nor Alzheimer's Assoication in Ga. We were told that we could use the Hospice for an ER situation n that we could use it as a 5 day break if we needed it too. That they would have a CNA come once a wk to make sure mil is okay n that they could to the urine test at r house so she didn't have to go to the dr as long as the dr said they could do an evaluation. Something about 'failure to thrive,' where her body mass is not up to her ideal weight. Anyway, so i guess that idea won't work n the dr mention tha a lot of times places like that even though nonprofit r trying to make money n he was not going to say it okay for josie has more than 6months. So, we asked him what do we do in case of ER situation n he mention that he had to pay someone for his mom n it won't be cheap like 15.00 hr. Who the, WTF, can afford that? So, we told him about another place yet it will cost about 185.00 per night n they can't promise they will have a bed when or IF an ER situation happen to us. We r just trying to have a plan ahead in case. Hopefully, their will be no ER. She passed the pee test but he going to do a cultural to make sure its okay for she does have 1.1 creatine ckd but he said that is normal as they get older. 1.1 is great for me at my kidney dr. I was a bit confused on that part. They did see a spot on her lower lung area from this past x-ray so, we will get mil another x-ray in about 2 months. She did use to smoke for years but I'm hoping its just a lint ball. We get to speak with an elder law attorney tomorrow morning to get some advice n make sure we r doing the right things financially. Well enough of my babbling on n on. I hope everyon is able to get a good night rest n a better smoother day tomorrow. : )
Emjo is Joan, Cricket! At least I hope that's her name because we've been chatting and that's what I've been calling her! Wouldn't that be embarrassing? And funny. Story of my life. (I actually just went to her profile to double check other comments. Yup. I was right. Whew!)
hehe Jen... that was funny.. I'm so glad our riffles are locked up in safes. But then again...lalala
Hi Shitzofrantic (Linda), it's so good to see you posting again. love you.
Judy, who is Joan? I'm glad she helped you realize some things. I wish you were out with me too! I find that caregiving is so demanding that I rarely get to get out and actually talk with other people unless it's at the pharmacy, doctors, or grocery store and most people in those places want to get in and get out.
TG for AC and you guys. We all need to learn how to teleport... beam me up scotty! Capt'n are you there? LOL *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I've got such a headache... Took Mom out today. Missed my own doctor appointment - had to reschedule. Almost missed taking my kid to football practice too and had to send him with a helmet that doesn't fit. Have to buy one tomorrow - no time today. Cat, I wish I could give some of this bullsh*t driving and slave service to someone else. I haven't even called any local agencies to see if I can get help with my parents. Why bother - Mom wouldn't accept it. Maybe if I wasn't living close, she'd have to accept it, but not while I'm around - she'll always choose me and make a ruckus about it with hurt feelings, drama, etc. if she didn't manipulate me into doing for her. Lucky me. Sounds like a reason to move, to me. I think, especially after talking to Joan, I just really need to put my foot down and choose what I do for my parents, not have my mother give me my schedule. Oh, my gosh, Jen, I laughed out loud when I read your post about a houseful of guns and dementia being its own solution. What a hoot. Glad you've got some time with FP out of the house. Throw that hawaiian music out the window while he's gone. Linda - I don't know what King's Island is, but I hope its fun! Glad you act like a teenager too with the blasting music. I mortify my kids when I turn onto the street and they can hear my radio. And, tbailey - those little babies with the fuzzy heads that smell so good - I agree, there's nothing like it. Cricket! I wish I could've gone shopping and salad eating with you! I'm probably missing people. I don't think I've ever written one of these posts where I feel comfortable enough to address several people at once. Nice! Taking some ibuprofen and becoming one with my couch till football practice ends. I'm not even going to think about answering the phone. It can all wait.
Grandma used to say she wanted to go live on a mountain top and be alone..I note alone she didn't say and bring my husband with me.....
"Jenny I got your number, I need to make you mine, Jenny don't change your number 8 6 7 5 3 0 9"
Barfy yuck too warm all week...
Here's one........!! Mom has called and set up fart pants to go into ADH on Thursdays as well and Tuesdays and Fridays...Hmmn she didn't discuss it, or mention it. I think this is as close to respite care as she is capable of?.... I had him 24/7 for two and a half years on my own here, she had had enough by the third month after she quit her job to look after him. A good thing, but would like a heads up, not like this doesn't concern me any how...what ever, 6 more hours of peace a week nothing to be sneezed at...or coughed at in this case....
I'd agree don't misserate-ify yourself with worry. Some things you can't control well most things, and it may be just as well you stay in the moment, Anything could happen. If you feel the need to look into it, go ahead and do it from a positive angle, what are my options. But don't terrify yourself with Oh my God no what's...And I know how hard this can be, I am 41, indigent and here...and when he is dead if he's eaten up all his money and ours with his care needs then what?... Somehow, something can be done. You will have more of an idea what if and when the dreaded "IT" happens.
Linda Hope You enjoy them grandbabies at Kings Island.... I'm Glad you got to go.. Judy speaking of blarring the music I took a lil advice from my girls here about running to answer MIL every need.. I turned her music on yesterday and cranked mine & told her after I knew she was fine that I would be in kitchen cleaning I kept eye on her but got whole kitchen really cleaned & organized & back porch. Then my neice called & was in town & brought the new baby Abbi to see me Oh she sooo precious she is 1 month old black hair & adorable big ole eyes...OH How lovely a baby smells.. Cattails Oh that is so great you get to spend time with your BIL & SIL.... I hear you about the doggys. My Bella the puppy soon to be 1 is driving me nuts I try to walk every night she is so full of energy Ive been taking her on a bike ride My hubby says she just pulls me down the road dont look like I have control he is right when we start but once we get going she loves it and wears her out... And Bobbie sorry to hear what all boat angel is going thru but, at least he has you... LOVE TO ALL!!!!
hi . judy u sound like me , i love thumpin down the road , music blastin out loud so i can not think about any dramas or any bullshits . i cry when i get too close to home and i often just want to keep drivin and not look back , thats when i take a road trip but i always have to look back , damn it ! :-) cattails , yes i have to find a way to make a income . im at the point where i dont give a shit anymore . i worried for 33 yrs how my bills are begin paid , while hubby doesnt have to worry , i took care of everything and he thinks its all good . well now its all turned around and i dont care and hubby s eyes are getting bigger everyday and he didnt realized what i had to go thru for years of struggling and makin sure bills are paid blah blah blah ... well honey i told u what goes around comes back around so ure gonna take care of the bills for the next 33 yrs cuz i dont give a shit anymore . i have always told the man upstairs plz lord no money worries , pls lord ,, no monie worries ... well guess what he made me open my eyes and realized that i dont give a shit anymore .... llala .
guess im going to king island tmr , my son got free tickets from his work , theyre wantin me to go . thank you lord for the free tickets ! my grandkids are so exciting that im going . i shall go and smile all day long ...
tbailey: Amanda's wedding is August 18th. I still need to get some shoes to go with what I am going to wear. We have made arrangements with the doggie pet resort to board our 2 four legged babies. Went to visit the place yesterday. It's great and so highly rated. I know this sounds nuts, but boarding the dogs is almost as stressful and putting my dad in respite care.
We are looking forward to the wedding. My bil and sil will be there too and it will be so awesome to see them. We just love them. They're like our second skin but we haven't seen them in 3 years. Couldn't leave here and they couldn't visit because my sil had a bout with colon cancer. Good prognosis, but difficult procedure and complications.
Thanks for asking and remembering. Love you, Cattails
Bobbie: Glad the boat angel is with you. I'm sure you planted a lot of seeds. How about step-dad gets placed, the home is sold and mom moves to assisted living, makes new friends and is treated kindly? It had to be on your list. I know you wouldn't leave anything out. I'm really happy the boat angel is looking better and you know we all hope that continues. When are you moving the boat? It's so good to hear more from you. Love Ya.
Judy: So sorry Fang is making you nuts. Hate to do caregiver 101 on you, but would your parents qualify for assistance? Could someone else take your mom shopping or run errands for them? You might get some information from your local Area on Aging. My guess is you've already done this, but maybe not. I'm glad you have your amazing brother to talk things over with. He is a very special person and so are you.
Cricket: Yeah for a good 4 hours well spent and ingested into your spirit. You are such a positive role model. I'm trying to picture your dad mauling you when you returned home. Also, I LMAO hearing your comment about him talking about his last orgasm. You are truly up for saint hood. Can't get my wedding ring cleaned as it's to hard to get it off my fat finger.
Linda: I hear you about not really wanting to get a job. If you don't have to get one, then don't worry about it. On the other hand, even if you got one and just worked a few months, it might help you break out of your funk. I don't really know if you are in a funk. You have such a good heart and I wonder if you could volunteer somewhere. Maybe the Cancer Society in your area could use some help with driving people to their appointments. Two days a week you venture out and reconnect with the world. It is still turning and there are so many people who would appreciate the person you are and the love what you have to offer. Just a thought and please know I would understand if it is not something you want to pursue. What was your life like before your dad was ill? Love you tons.
Tbailey: You are such a sweetheart. You hang in there and know that I am always thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
LOL Judy! I remmy that song...867530999e99999999! do what I do and get an ipod shuffle and turn up the volume... you'd be surprised how after awhile they give up all the useless complaints if they know you can't hear them. lalala :)
I'm in a good mood! Hubby watched Dad for me and I got out of the house for 4 hours! I went to the mall and just looked around, then got my wedding ring cleaned for free at the Jewelers, left there and went to home goods and bought a couple of those really cheap boxes covered with pretty paper, then after that I hit the grocery store. I feel like a new woman! "I am woman hear me roar" remember that one? When I got home of course I got mauled by Dad and the dogs but that's okay now. :) OH I forgot to mention I took myself to lunch also and ate a salad. It's been a good day! Now if only I had some of that very low sugar organic dark chocolate...I'm out of chocolate.
Thanks, Linda. I could use a few, nice strong drinks. Feeling overwhelmed and used. Emjo had a great way of looking at her life in a post on another thread. She said something like she had to take control of her life instead of letting other people manage it. That's what I'm feeling today. Manipulated and managed. And pissed off, so I need to take control this week. Told my brother about it last night. He listens, he laughs, he has good advice, such a sweetheart. Felt good driving home from his house, singing to the radio up really loudly - my whole car was thumping like I was 16 yrs old (8675309 - remember that one?). Then, today...Mom again. OMG. I go from blasting my radio, singing like an idiot dancing in my seat last night, to the angry resentful Judy today who'd like to be one of those people who leave to go get a gallon of milk at the store and disappear, only for someone to find them happy as clams, living in a different state with a different name 20 yrs later. We seem to be low on milk today...
im doing ok , just still in a pooy mood , i miss my dad yes , i know he is better place than any of us so im not complain . he is one lucky guy ,
still havent looked for a job yet . i dont think i care to do it . i rather just stay home . its one crazy world out there and i just dont want to face it .
you all have a happy sunday . im gonna go take a nap . maybe i ll deam about pa . love ou all and hey full moon is going away so bless your parents to mellow out ... bobbie - big hugs to you , i think of u daily . xoxo
Hmm.... Bobbie... a place where we can all go and drool all over the place and have someone love us... sounds like a few bars I've been to in my former life. I'm ready! Actually, I'm grumpier than sh*t today and could use a few hours in a bar. My mother is driving me nuts.
Hi Crew, Thanks tbailey and I'm glad that you are doing better with the situation. The situation is not going to change so we have to change.
The Boat Angel is on the boat for a little bit and he is looking way better than he was. That's the good news. The bad news is that he came face to face with his stepfather, who has moderate Dementia, yesterday and it didn't go well. His mom is early stage, his stepfather (whom he can't stand) is in the moderate stage according to what I am hearing and the Boat Angel is an only child just weeks into a tenuous remission from a killer cancer and cannot be a caregiver to his family. And don't look at me.....
So now you have two old people, half out of their skulls, living in the woods in a nice house full of guns. He called me all upset and I drove out and got him. Dementia, the gift that keeps on giving.
Today I tried to talk to him about it all and he is just shot out so we have been watching Rescue Me on Netflix and laughing.
I can't even imagine what he can do except maybe call the stepdad's kids and tell them but they don't go around much anymore either because the stepdad is one of those 'nasty' old people who (because of the disease that no one understands) has alieniated just about everybody in his life. The boat angel is upset because he sees his mom get treated badly and of course, being new to the demented game, doesn't understand, or at this point care, that his stepdad is sick. I made all the suggestions and he can think them over but the take away on this one is: You can't save the world. You can't save all old people from themselves. I told him that he has to keep himself number one in the care department because of his health and the fact that he has two kids and that he would like to be able to hold a grandchild one day.
Life can really suck and I think we need to plant the seeds of support now to reap those crops later. So, bookworm, I guess that's a little bit of an answer. Maybe the caregivers of today can start co-ops or something to have support in the bank for later. I know that there's long term care insurance but that involves a corporation who doesn't have our best interests at heart and would screw us all over at the drop of a hat. Maybe some kind of caregiver co-op where those of us when and if we present symptoms of dementia can go and drool all over the place and still have someone love us.....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am miserable today. I should be happy-I had a great weekend, mom is doing great from her tooth extraction and it is not as hot today...but I am not happy!
I have college crap to fill out for second son, first son has car repairs needed of $500 and really can't afford it so needs our help, my sister emailed me to let me know that her hubby's family has something going on out of state the same weekend my hubby and I are supposed to get away to a nieces wedding...she is the only one who has ever stayed overnight...so now, we may have to go and come back when we were really hoping for a night away... She will probably not go to her hubby's thing cause she feels really bad for me-and I appreciate that-but I am just so mad it has to be this way! Now, my best family helper is missing out on things she wants to do too! Here I go again, hitting my head against the wall wishing things were different! When will I be able to roll with the punches and not get so upset about these "possible" setbacks etc? I guess I just want freedom... It is scary to think what I will do after mom is gone... Maybe I should be careful what I wish for...I think that is what I want. But it is so useless to think about what isn't. One day at a time right? My counselor keeps trying to have me see the positive or enjoy the good moments...and I do when they are there...but I am so bored and just want to be free to do what I want-when I want! Yet, I won't put her in a home. I hate the caregivers that come and don't trust them as some of you were just writing about. I recently told the service that the deaf lady coming here to be a companion for mom wasn't working out...so they brought another lady-she does not want to wipe arses! Well, hmmmm...that won't work-you should have seen the look she gave me! I cannot guarantee that if I go out she won't take a dump or have diahrea! What are you going to do call me as I am getting my hair cut and tell me to come home??? Also, getting her to and from daycare is exhausting and almost not worth it! Oh God...I am just miserable. AND I am procrastinating cause I do not want to do the college paperwork...but if I don't it will make me anxious...so I REALLY need to do it! UGH!!!
Vent and Live right? Good God,I am sorry to go on and on. I am going to try and get some of this paperwork done and maybe I will feel better. I will check in later. Thanks for being here. Love to all. Mame
Ya, Cricket that's a good way to see it and I was just feeling low this morning. Pity party is over for now. Thanks you guys.
Judy! Well, I see that you'd be a handy crew member on a boat...
Big fish are about 30 miles out.
That lady who was on the boat was actually a very nice person and is now travelling everywhere. She's smart and was fun to be around until...
Anyway, good speed to her and good health, but Judy! the chum idea was hilarious.
Cricket I have also believed in the veil being lifted as well so everything you said made sense to me. Feels very familiar.
Jen you are so right about funny!
Has anyone heard from Tim?
Going over to read that My Narcissistic mother was killed thread....
Thanks again you guys,
lovbob
Bobbie, I was shocked at what you experienced with that "psychic", honestly psychic code or just a plain ol' bitch it doesn't really matter. No excuse for that kind of behavior and words.
I however can see something positive in that horrible experience and want to share it with you here. Keep in mind I am only expressing my view. I find that in all situations there is "a take away" to be had. In what you experienced I would say the take away was not consciously given by her but it was there nonetheless. It was the idea that "when their is much emotion your parents are right there with you"... Okay later she went on to basically say that wasn't true in your case, WRONG! Something deep inside me tells me that once we leave our physical realm, pass through death, that our eyes are opened, the veil is lifted. The people and things we couldn't understand in life become understandable. This belief I have comes from within myself (not religious). It therefore only seems logical to me that ones parents would be close to them because they would then see clearly their child's pain and want to comfort them. They would for the first time clearly see all the sacrifices that were made for them. How could they not see. I only ask of you to consider this possibility. Things that truly come from beyond our physical realm, from the spiritual one that are good can only be enlightening, liberating, and bring real peace and comfort. Logic says that if the good doesn't come forth from the "so called" spiritual person like that woman, or the situation then it makes me wonder about what she is really channeling and why. Sounds to me like she was channeling for self and was looking for what she could get out of the situation while being totally out of tune with the real meaning of spirit or she would have seen your need. I say push her out of the way and let the "take away" fill your need for understanding, love and acceptance that is coming through from your parents in the spiritual realm and embrace the peace that comes from that.
Love you Bobbie and Crew,
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I know about "not so respite" too. Some were good, very organized and friendly, some I wondered, Good God why DID you get into this career?....
Gonna be sick hot today...and he gets all day in the air conditioned center, fed and med him and he is now in the hall grumbling mom is in the shower...OLD man THIS is her house, she has made more than enough ROOM for you, changed her whole life to look after your needs and wants for four years now, for no pay and a lot of grief, you really can just go shit in your pants...literally, like on the bed, on the wall ( no idea how he does that ) on the floor on the furniture. It seems only a whim that you USE the bathroom at all, so go away!!!!
Ah Happy Tuesday all....;)
Jen!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA The Demented and firearms, cars, omg you name it.
Glad you are getting a few more hours a week break from FP and I hope you frisbee the Hawaiian music too.
Victoria! You vent and vent and the great thing about this site is that you can post almost anywhere and someone will pop up and say, ya, I know how you feel just like onlyme did on your last post.
I also have a huge issue with professionals and the demented. Love how someone is demented until the 'pro' needs something signed, etc. Liars, cheats and scammers that a caregiver has to negotiate as well as all of the emotional and physical abuse. Terriffic.
So many 'outside' caregivers are folks that are unemployable anywhere else and so they do this job and it's scary to think of who they are and what they aren't capable of.
A good outside caregiver wouldn't have their feelings hurt by that statement because they are well aware how truly rare they are and that the families they work for are so grateful for them.
LINDA!!!! It was so good to see your posts and I think of you more than once a day! So there! haha. I'm sorry that you are feeling punk but you know that I know what it all feels like as well. Day by day.
Maybe there's some online stuff you can do for work...? Hey, I dunno... I want to work as well but only know how to do a few things that are very specific. ehhh.
Hope you have a great time at King's Island. (did I get the name right?)
Don't remember if I told this story to you guys......
Speaking of dreaming about lost parents. A few months ago I hosted a lady here on the boat that I met through a website for sailors trying to hook up to crew boats. (this is a big boat: needs crew)
OK, so we chat online for a few weeks and she sounds pleasant enough and funny so I think, hey why not?
She arrives and we have a glass of wine and she begins to tell me her story and that she is an 'animal communicator' as well as a 'psychic' in the fact that she could see dead relatives, etc. I'm thinking hey, to each his own but maybe....
Now keep in mind that I didn't tell her MY story as far as recently lost my mom, heartbreaking circumstances, my dad gone so many years, all the insanity of being told not to come home back in the day and them never calling me (I did all the calling) and saying all the mean stuff etc etc. She keeps telling me different psychic stories and how she was able to bring some peace to those left behind and other nice things like that.
We go out to the Mexican restaurant that's close by and she starts talking about being a psychic again and how she was able to talk to someone's mom, blah blah and I start to cry. Right there in the booth I am crying. She says: what's the matter? and I tell her that mom died and I miss her and that this transition has been so hard, etc. She says, well don't worry, when there is this much emotion your parents are very near to you. So I stop crying and think ooohh, that is so sweet maybe now they want to be near me and I found that comforting.
This lady stayed for 3 days and right before she left we were sitting here on the boat and I asked her if she had seen my parents (since she told me she was capable of that) and she said, 'No. They haven't been anywhere near you. I thought that was strange but I haven't felt anything from them.'
I was stunned. She made her goodbyes and slipped off the boat.
Linda, you and Helen showed up not long after I do believe and if you wonder why I was so sad then, that was a big reason why.
After Daddy died in '93, mom would tell me how he would show up and tell her that all was going to be ok and when I went back in '04 to intervene and start the caregiving process for my mom, her friends told me how my dad came back to see them and all this time I never got to see him. I dreamed of him once where I got to hear his voice but I didn't remember in that dream that he spoke to me. I have never dreamed of my mom or my dad again. I've had nightmares about the house over and over but nothing anywhere near 'comforting'.
That whole situation with that lady made me so sad that it was hard for me to live my daily life. I know that I shouldln't have given credence to her tales of being a psychic but after 3 days of stories about this and that I summoned the courage to ask her about my parents. As I look back on it, it would have taken no effort to just tell me yes, that they were near and loved me very much but I guess that was outside the 'psychic code'.
After she said that they were not around I just said, ya, they are together and happy again and since I screwed everything up they are just done with me and she said ya, I guess you're right.
All we can do is make it day by day.
Day by day, Linda and onlyme and bookworm and cricket and cattails and austin and victoria and lildeb an JEN! and judy and meanwhile and Flex! where are you? and DEEF!! and Rip and Tim!! tell us when you can what's going on with you? Check in if you get a minute and Cuz and selfish siblings and all of the crew that I didn't call out to: All we can do is go Day by Day.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
I also crank up the volume in my car when I get to sneaked off to one of my dr's visit or grocery store when hubby decided to keep his mom. I will be beating n can't sing worth a sh-T but I am singing!
Oh, it's bad as you get closer to the house u start to drive slow, slower, ..... Linda, I hear ya girl. Sometimes, I will go another block just to have a few more minuets alone just to breathe n listen to the end of a song.
Tbailey, glad u got to see Abbi n the smell of Youth. I love the smell of a young baby. I even buy baby lotion for it reminds me of a baby.
Now, who had the licky, licky dog bath? lol.
I had my heart dr appt n have to get an echo n if I pass this test then I won't have to see him for 2 more yrs as long as I keep taking the low dose heart med. That appt is in 3 months. I also bumped up mil appt because of the foul smell in her urine n by golly got her ass up their n her pee hardly smell at all, WTF? I have been pushing her to drink more water n swear today she may have dranked a whole gallon before her appt for she got one of her pills stuck in her throat again. I mention that to him n of course she denied it n has no problem taking pill n bla, bla. But! this time I dragged hubby with us to back me up. yes! So, dr said if she continues to have the throat problem to let him know for as they get older their throat thorax may need to be stretch, Ouchie. Well, we will definantly make sure to wait on that if it is every now n then.
We also talked to him about using Hospice Care in case we had an ER with one of us so we have somewhere to place mil at that time. He pretty much said that Josie-mil would have to be diagnosed to have 6months or less to live for Hospice Care. We were not told that by Hospice nor Alzheimer's Assoication in Ga. We were told that we could use the Hospice for an ER situation n that we could use it as a 5 day break if we needed it too. That they would have a CNA come once a wk to make sure mil is okay n that they could to the urine test at r house so she didn't have to go to the dr as long as the dr said they could do an evaluation. Something about 'failure to thrive,' where her body mass is not up to her ideal weight. Anyway, so i guess that idea won't work n the dr mention tha a lot of times places like that even though nonprofit r trying to make money n he was not going to say it okay for josie has more than 6months. So, we asked him what do we do in case of ER situation n he mention that he had to pay someone for his mom n it won't be cheap like 15.00 hr. Who the, WTF, can afford that? So, we told him about another place yet it will cost about 185.00 per night n they can't promise they will have a bed when or IF an ER situation happen to us. We r just trying to have a plan ahead in case. Hopefully, their will be no ER. She passed the pee test but he going to do a cultural to make sure its okay for she does have 1.1 creatine ckd but he said that is normal as they get older. 1.1 is great for me at my kidney dr. I was a bit confused on that part. They did see a spot on her lower lung area from this past x-ray so, we will get mil another x-ray in about 2 months. She did use to smoke for years but I'm hoping its just a lint ball. We get to speak with an elder law attorney tomorrow morning to get some advice n make sure we r doing the right things financially.
Well enough of my babbling on n on. I hope everyon is able to get a good night rest n a better smoother day tomorrow. : )
Hi Shitzofrantic (Linda), it's so good to see you posting again. love you.
Judy, who is Joan? I'm glad she helped you realize some things. I wish you were out with me too! I find that caregiving is so demanding that I rarely get to get out and actually talk with other people unless it's at the pharmacy, doctors, or grocery store and most people in those places want to get in and get out.
TG for AC and you guys. We all need to learn how to teleport... beam me up scotty! Capt'n are you there? LOL
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Cat, I wish I could give some of this bullsh*t driving and slave service to someone else. I haven't even called any local agencies to see if I can get help with my parents. Why bother - Mom wouldn't accept it. Maybe if I wasn't living close, she'd have to accept it, but not while I'm around - she'll always choose me and make a ruckus about it with hurt feelings, drama, etc. if she didn't manipulate me into doing for her. Lucky me. Sounds like a reason to move, to me. I think, especially after talking to Joan, I just really need to put my foot down and choose what I do for my parents, not have my mother give me my schedule.
Oh, my gosh, Jen, I laughed out loud when I read your post about a houseful of guns and dementia being its own solution. What a hoot. Glad you've got some time with FP out of the house. Throw that hawaiian music out the window while he's gone.
Linda - I don't know what King's Island is, but I hope its fun! Glad you act like a teenager too with the blasting music. I mortify my kids when I turn onto the street and they can hear my radio.
And, tbailey - those little babies with the fuzzy heads that smell so good - I agree, there's nothing like it.
Cricket! I wish I could've gone shopping and salad eating with you!
I'm probably missing people. I don't think I've ever written one of these posts where I feel comfortable enough to address several people at once. Nice!
Taking some ibuprofen and becoming one with my couch till football practice ends. I'm not even going to think about answering the phone. It can all wait.
"Jenny I got your number, I need to make you mine, Jenny don't change your number 8 6 7 5 3 0 9"
Barfy yuck too warm all week...
Here's one........!! Mom has called and set up fart pants to go into ADH on Thursdays as well and Tuesdays and Fridays...Hmmn she didn't discuss it, or mention it. I think this is as close to respite care as she is capable of?....
I had him 24/7 for two and a half years on my own here, she had had enough by the third month after she quit her job to look after him.
A good thing, but would like a heads up, not like this doesn't concern me any how...what ever, 6 more hours of peace a week nothing to be sneezed at...or coughed at in this case....
I'd agree don't misserate-ify yourself with worry. Some things you can't control well most things, and it may be just as well you stay in the moment, Anything could happen. If you feel the need to look into it, go ahead and do it from a positive angle, what are my options. But don't terrify yourself with Oh my God no what's...And I know how hard this can be, I am 41, indigent and here...and when he is dead if he's eaten up all his money and ours with his care needs then what?... Somehow, something can be done. You will have more of an idea what if and when the dreaded "IT" happens.
Have a good week all...
Judy speaking of blarring the music I took a lil advice from my girls here about running to answer MIL every need.. I turned her music on yesterday and cranked mine & told her after I knew she was fine that I would be in kitchen cleaning I kept eye on her but got whole kitchen really cleaned & organized & back porch. Then my neice called & was in town & brought the new baby Abbi to see me Oh she sooo precious she is 1 month old black hair & adorable big ole eyes...OH How lovely a baby smells..
Cattails Oh that is so great you get to spend time with your BIL & SIL.... I hear you about the doggys. My Bella the puppy soon to be 1 is driving me nuts I try to walk every night she is so full of energy Ive been taking her on a bike ride My hubby says she just pulls me down the road dont look like I have control he is right when we start but once we get going she loves it and wears her out...
And Bobbie sorry to hear what all boat angel is going thru but, at least he has you...
LOVE TO ALL!!!!
Hugs, Cat
cattails , yes i have to find a way to make a income . im at the point where i dont give a shit anymore . i worried for 33 yrs how my bills are begin paid , while hubby doesnt have to worry , i took care of everything and he thinks its all good . well now its all turned around and i dont care and hubby s eyes are getting bigger everyday and he didnt realized what i had to go thru for years of struggling and makin sure bills are paid blah blah blah ... well honey i told u what goes around comes back around so ure gonna take care of the bills for the next 33 yrs cuz i dont give a shit anymore . i have always told the man upstairs plz lord no money worries , pls lord ,, no monie worries ... well guess what he made me open my eyes and realized that i dont give a shit anymore .... llala .
guess im going to king island tmr , my son got free tickets from his work , theyre wantin me to go . thank you lord for the free tickets ! my grandkids are so exciting that im going . i shall go and smile all day long ...
judy - hollar when its bar time ok ... xoxoxo
We are looking forward to the wedding. My bil and sil will be there too and it will be so awesome to see them. We just love them. They're like our second skin but we haven't seen them in 3 years. Couldn't leave here and they couldn't visit because my sil had a bout with colon cancer. Good prognosis, but difficult procedure and complications.
Thanks for asking and remembering. Love you, Cattails
Bobbie: Glad the boat angel is with you. I'm sure you planted a lot of seeds. How about step-dad gets placed, the home is sold and mom moves to assisted living, makes new friends and is treated kindly? It had to be on your list. I know you wouldn't leave anything out. I'm really happy the boat angel is looking better and you know we all hope that continues. When are you moving the boat? It's so good to hear more from you. Love Ya.
Judy: So sorry Fang is making you nuts. Hate to do caregiver 101 on you, but would your parents qualify for assistance? Could someone else take your mom shopping or run errands for them? You might get some information from your local Area on Aging. My guess is you've already done this, but maybe not. I'm glad you have your amazing brother to talk things over with. He is a very special person and so are you.
Cricket: Yeah for a good 4 hours well spent and ingested into your spirit. You are such a positive role model. I'm trying to picture your dad mauling you when you returned home. Also, I LMAO hearing your comment about him talking about his last orgasm. You are truly up for saint hood. Can't get my wedding ring cleaned as it's to hard to get it off my fat finger.
Linda: I hear you about not really wanting to get a job. If you don't have to get one, then don't worry about it. On the other hand, even if you got one and just worked a few months, it might help you break out of your funk. I don't really know if you are in a funk. You have such a good heart and I wonder if you could volunteer somewhere. Maybe the Cancer Society in your area could use some help with driving people to their appointments. Two days a week you venture out and reconnect with the world. It is still turning and there are so many people who would appreciate the person you are and the love what you have to offer. Just a thought and please know I would understand if it is not something you want to pursue. What was your life like before your dad was ill? Love you tons.
Tbailey: You are such a sweetheart. You hang in there and know that I am always thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
Hugs to all, Cattails
I'm in a good mood! Hubby watched Dad for me and I got out of the house for 4 hours! I went to the mall and just looked around, then got my wedding ring cleaned for free at the Jewelers, left there and went to home goods and bought a couple of those really cheap boxes covered with pretty paper, then after that I hit the grocery store. I feel like a new woman! "I am woman hear me roar" remember that one? When I got home of course I got mauled by Dad and the dogs but that's okay now. :) OH I forgot to mention I took myself to lunch also and ate a salad. It's been a good day! Now if only I had some of that very low sugar organic dark chocolate...I'm out of chocolate.
im doing ok , just still in a pooy mood , i miss my dad yes , i know he is better place than any of us so im not complain . he is one lucky guy ,
still havent looked for a job yet . i dont think i care to do it . i rather just stay home . its one crazy world out there and i just dont want to face it .
you all have a happy sunday . im gonna go take a nap . maybe i ll deam about pa .
love ou all and hey full moon is going away so bless your parents to mellow out ...
bobbie - big hugs to you , i think of u daily . xoxo
Thanks tbailey and I'm glad that you are doing better with the situation.
The situation is not going to change so we have to change.
The Boat Angel is on the boat for a little bit and he is looking way better than he was. That's the good news. The bad news is that he came face to face with his stepfather, who has moderate Dementia, yesterday and it didn't go well.
His mom is early stage, his stepfather (whom he can't stand) is in the moderate stage according to what I am hearing and the Boat Angel is an only child just weeks into a tenuous remission from a killer cancer and cannot be a caregiver to his family.
And don't look at me.....
So now you have two old people, half out of their skulls, living in the woods in a nice house full of guns. He called me all upset and I drove out and got him.
Dementia, the gift that keeps on giving.
Today I tried to talk to him about it all and he is just shot out so we have been watching Rescue Me on Netflix and laughing.
I can't even imagine what he can do except maybe call the stepdad's kids and tell them but they don't go around much anymore either because the stepdad is one of those 'nasty' old people who (because of the disease that no one understands) has alieniated just about everybody in his life.
The boat angel is upset because he sees his mom get treated badly and of course, being new to the demented game, doesn't understand, or at this point care, that his stepdad is sick.
I made all the suggestions and he can think them over but the take away on this one is: You can't save the world. You can't save all old people from themselves.
I told him that he has to keep himself number one in the care department because of his health and the fact that he has two kids and that he would like to be able to hold a grandchild one day.
Life can really suck and I think we need to plant the seeds of support now to reap those crops later.
So, bookworm, I guess that's a little bit of an answer. Maybe the caregivers of today can start co-ops or something to have support in the bank for later.
I know that there's long term care insurance but that involves a corporation who doesn't have our best interests at heart and would screw us all over at the drop of a hat.
Maybe some kind of caregiver co-op where those of us when and if we present symptoms of dementia can go and drool all over the place and still have someone love us.....
ehhh, what do I know?
lovbob