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As I reread my above post I have to say that I do have longer and longer periods of sanity but just know that I made a huge error in cutting and running. The whole caregiving and demented mom situation made me so insane that I started making those plans when mom was still alive and the only way I could figure to deal with it all was to run away from everything. You can see the whole thought process near the beginning of the thread. I was nuts. Oops. Now you guys have a shot of not ever feeling like this. lovbob
Bobbie, thanks for sharing that part of your experience. Even in my own past experience I learned how the phase after our loved one is gone is extremely difficult. Cat and Victoria, I find your words to Tim are very comforting to me as well.
I just returned home after having my labs done. Next week I will be talking to my Doctor again and she said I might be ready to take off of the meds for diabetes, or at least lower the doses considerable, Yay! happy dance!! I've been working for the last two years really hard to reverse my diabetes and it's finally starting to pay off. When at the lab I noticed I was talking the technician's ears off, lol It's time for me to get a couple of hours out of the house and mingle with people. Love you all. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Tim, I sold everything and ran after my mom died and regret it terribly. Decisions during duress are squirrely at best. In retrospect I would have been better off staying in the house with the what seemed like painful memories but just needed time for me to heal properly and settle into my 'new normal'. My present 'new normal' is way more upsetting and painful than if I had just closed the house and taken the time I needed somewhere and then come back. I only realized it all after it was way too late and the house was gone and all of my family memories were gone too. It was the hardest thing I ever did and it is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life second only to doing the 24/7/365 caregiving to my mom, whom I loved very much, but shouldn't have ruined my health and future for. Not an hour goes by where I don't regret it and now what I have created is just another thing to grieve. Love ya Tim and don't know you but have an appreciation for the intense pain that you are in.
lildeb, yeah..did I forget to mention that the dishes that i didn't wash the night before (cuz I was soooo exhausted that I'm weaving on my feet and blurry eyes)..I try to wash as much as I can while waiting for the waffles to pop up, and trash taken care of. Still muttering in my head that sis could help a bit more..she no longer empties the left over food in the sink drain. She used to do that too. So, now when I come home and fix dinner for dad & I, I have to unclog the drain because it's so full of food - it's packed down tight.
I don't know why she's slacking off. I mean, the more money I pay, the slacker she becomes. I've been brainstorming about this for a few days now. Sis was like this the last time she moved in. It got so bad, she was absolutely no help at all and became just an extra mouth to feed. Finally, my dad called her daughter and said to come and get your mom. Dad and I have no room for slackers or hanger ons here. Caregiving is very exhausting, and every help counts and expenses are high. We can't afford nor need slackers.
Sigh...oldest sis will be moving in permanently in December. Her daughter is planning to marry and "she needs to have her own life" and they only have enough room in her fiance's house for his parents. No room for her mom - my oldest sis. Therefore, sis will be moving here. Whoopee!! (NOT!!!)
I just read Timsherwood's post again. It's been a half processed thought of mine since the first time I read the post and there have been other posts that I've read indicating that the caregiver isn't related to the person they are caring for. I know from a familial standpoint that caring for someone is HARD. Caring for someone who isn't related to you and developing feelings for them over the time you're taking care of them only to be told you're "no longer needed"....in my mind it almoost seems harder. You feel like family to that person you've been caring for but you don't have the same rights as the family. In some cases you've been doing more for that person that their own family has, but that family gets to come in and just toss you out. Somehow, that just seems so much harder than me just caring for my mom. hugs, kisses and all that. For anyone that has the heart and gonads to take on such a self-sacrificing position in life, you have my heartfelt thanks that people like you exist.
Tim: I have been thinking about your post for a while now. First of all, you are in pain and unfortunately, there will be more to come. My heart goes out to you on so many levels. This will sound weird, but it has meaning to me. Sometimes I think of people in pain the way I think of an animal who has been shot or injured. They are in shock and pain and they just run. They don't know where they are going, they just want to get away from the pain. I love animals so to see them hurt or running scared just breaks my heart. So for me, that analogy touches me deeply.
I don't know how long you have been with Laura or if both of her children are also yours. From what you have shared, I think you have coped with her illness and all the ups and downs by being in charge of her care. She has been your focus and you have been involved with every aspect of her illness, the decisions made, the hopes and the daily care she has received. So you have been very busy.
There is nothing more for you to do for Laura, but be by her side, hold her hand and let her know you love her. This is a meaningful role, but it is so passive compared to what you have been doing for so long. You can not distract yourself with all the many things you did for her before because that job is now done.
It can be amazingly difficult to find so much time on your hands and to be taken from a roll that you dedicated yourself to. I am just wondering if your rush to sell your belongings and move out of your home is more about a need to be busy. Your empty home, which is un-peopled right now, is a place to focus your pain. I'm wondering if, in time, it might also be a comforting place with some good memories. Even if it isn't, to leave it behind so abruptly might increase your feelings of loss. Sometimes it's better to just stay quiet and give yourself some time before making big changes. If the children will be living with you, they may need some time to process all that has taken place and familiar surroundings are grounding in the face of loss and part of the healing process.
None of this may apply to you and I was unsure that it was appropriate to post this message to you because I don't know you personally and because you are in such a fragile state right now. Please forgive me if I sound like I'm lecturing. That's not my intention.
I worked with many families that went through the horror of seeing their child stricken with cancer and eventually losing the battle to that terrible disease. My heart would just break for them. Often, they had spent several years or more completely absorbed in the day in, day out, care of their child. Who wouldn't be totally focused on their child's care and all the hospitalizations. The hospital social workers, doctors, nurses and staff became a second family to them. The other kids in the family suffered from the fact that their parent's attention was so focused on the child who was sick. It just can't be helped and the parents suffered too knowing that their other children needed them.
I know of many parents, especially moms, who when their child passed away were at a total loss about what they should do when they got up in the morning. Many wanted to go back to the hospital. It had been their life for so long and they knew other families there. They had become bonded to so many in that setting, like many of us here on AC are, but much more so.
Even though their other children were still waiting to be seen, the focus was still on the lost child. It takes time to over come loss. It takes time. Laura's children are victims here too. Again, I don't know if you are their biological dad, but either way, you have to be a huge part of their lives. They will benefit from you being with them and present to hear their voices and see their faces. They need some time too.
Again, I apologize if I have overstepped my place here. I want to be supportive because I care about you. If anything in this post is helpful, then I'm glad I posted. If not, just kick it to the curb and know that I meant well.
Hi everybody, I am hoping everyone survived the day, I am less stressed out today, but all the kookiness continues. After rereading my last couple of posts, I notice that my thoughts were all over the place. Sorry. It was a rough few days, I am learning to not let her hurt my feelings. I found a dance/exercise class for her and she starts tomorrow morning. I am so happy and she will love it too. She could conceivably go as often as three times a week. Yes! It will do us both wonders for her to have someone else to yak at. Just having her out and away safely for a bit will give me a tiny bit of solitude and peace. Thank you to all of you caregivers who are going through very similar circumstances, for listening and understanding. Onlyme
Cuz, u crack me up, the 'real boobs n lets not forget the men grabbing their crotch all the time." what is up with that? Do they think it just may fall off somewhere n they have to double check for reassurance?
Onlyme, I just read your post and you have giving all you can give n some and you r NOT the bad guy however, they do know how to act right around certain people. Like Austin mention, try contacting a social service and see what they can do to try help.
Judym, You r way better person than I could be for someone making that sound n even thought of pretended much less spitting a loogie, ah!!!! I guess he may have been one of the boys that love to spit loogies on little girls when he was little? Kids-gotta love them, parents-gottal love them. Hope you r enjoying your time with your daughter. ; ) Cattail, you doing okay? Bookworm, or should I say, "Ms. Speedy Octomom." What a freaking morning you have and every single freaking day? OMG!!! I think I would had to been stingy about the pay for sis n just paid the 80bucks. She only get more $$$ if she completed your list that u in order to give you a small break when u got back home from work. Ex: washing a load n fold clothes, dishes, vaccuming, etc. Something simple but is time consuming n that would help you get a small fraction of a break. I am with Cricket, tell your sis that the money is an incentive to do extra! Ms. Octomom, you r woman n some!!! I hope you have a nice day. ; )
Hi crew, I took Dad to the Doc today and had to take him off some meds he wasn't responding to very well. Then while at the Doc I had to listen to him talk about the last time he had sex and the details of his orgasm, OH JOY. Need I say more? Just glad it's over and I realize what an emotional adjustment I need to make in my attitude when that happens or I won't last the duration. sighs. lildeb, hopefully the mil's bladder infection gets taken care of. Good luck getting her to drink water. You can add a little lime to her water, it's not acidic like lemon. Just an idea. Jen, how are you healing up and walking now? Diane, Have you been getting some sleep? How are you holding up under the stress? Judy, I truly believe you are an empath. Don't know if anyone has ever told you this but an empath is a person with the ability to feel others pain. It's a gift. Tim, I'm thinking of you and here to listen. Hang in there. Austin, what a horrible ordeal you went through with your husband shutting you out to punish you. I hope you have been able to work through that pain. Love you all, *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I think the mnl might have another bladder infection? I went in the same stall bathroom for their was only one at this place n boy did her pee stanked. I told her she need to drink more water n she said, my pee don't stink. Something is wrong with your sniffer for that was aweful. It looked a bit cloudy too n I remember from last year that nasty smell n she had a bladder infection. I knew she had an appt to get lab n pee n a cup n x-ray to double check if that spot is still their in chest. Hopefully not. When she pee in the cup n of course she got it everywhere in bathroom n it smell just bad! Again, she said it didn't so I put the cup up close to her nose n said, take a sniff. Of couse she said maybe thats because it early in morning. No mam, more water. I told the lab lady too about the smell in the urine. Making mnl drink more water. We have a jug that filters the water n it pretty good. For me, I like just plain water. Hubby is the one that like to add stuff to his water. I only drink one soda a day n one cup of HOT coffee. Don't see how some of y'all can drink cold ice coffee, yuckie-poo! i keep my coffee hot n creamy... yummy....; ) I hope everyone has a great day as much as possible.
Wow, Tim. My heart just aches for you, and I'm at a loss for words. I've never experienced the pain you're experiencing and it makes my chest hurt to think about what you must be going through, so I can't even imagine how you feel. I wish I could reach out and hold your hand. The one thing that struck me as a parent though, is how you're going to liquidate quickly... is this the right time for that, or do you have a choice? The kids lose their mother (don't you have 2 kids?) - and then lose everything familiar to them... is the timing for liquidating now? Or maybe it the best timing?
Bayou-I sure hope the family is not trying to keep you away from Laura-I have a friend that had a gf and took her to treatments and was there for her and at the end her family came in and forced him away-she needs you there more than ever-I hopethat God gives you an extra measure of strength during this time-with me it was my husband who pushed me away during his last days-he would respond to everyone else but me-but I stuc around anyway-but it still hurts-but I have accepted that he wanted to punish me.
Ya know the f d part is that i have had to watch her this whole process and its like you go through this and you fight just as hard as your SO and in the end the.family moves in and wants full control but I have.been in this care mode it actually took the hospice ppl to tell me role and its bf first where I have been caregivers first but to be honest I have no idea what the help I'm doing my brain is fried so I went home to regroup I found a person that's gonna buy our stuff so I can liquidate quick and start over so that was nice but it sucks to look around in my ppl less house and know that things are gonna change and I'm having to restart finances are shot luckly her family is well off so that helps but i don't know I'm kinda direction lost I'm just typing away going through my thoughts so if this makes no sense im sorry just venting love you guys and Ty for all your hugs and support good luck and god bless
A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were: The short story had to contain the following three things: Religion Sexuality Mystery
Tim YOU and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.... Linda I hope you start feeling better soon too. Welcome bayobaby Yea sounds like if she gets you there she just might hold you hostage...lol Im like cricket I don't know your mother but, stick around YOU will get all the advice you need here alot of good people...Some people have alot of siblings but feel like only child because They are only child taking care of parent...
Maybe when you go home you can arrange for a couple of the sisters to visit with your mom and you at your mom's house. Just tell them what the backstory is and that she wanted to be with them at one point and now is fighting it, etc etc and they can 'drop in' and if she acts out they won't freak.
Sorry that she gave you a dose of the bitters. It's the disease. Your mom is probably showing sign of Dementia and if you read back a few pages here there is some information concerning the understanding that things are no longer the way they were and that intervention is on the near horizon.
Keep coming back and we welcome you! Vent and Live!
Bayoubaby, What about assisted living? or a reverse mortgage to pay for live in care? Our parents have to take responsibility for their care as well. If they have the means then even though it's really hard to face the decisions have to be made. That is if they are capable of making them. If they aren't then we have to. That's a whole other topic for discussion.
Thanks Cricket! My mother lives next door to the house her father built and raised her siblings in. Her friends have been her friends since birth but that means that all of her local support system is 82! She has ALWAYS said that she NEVER wanted to leave town and wanted to go to a nursing home nearby but now she acts like she never used those words before. She even asked me if she could move in with us and I reminded her that she always said she never wanted to leave her friends and she agreed that it was best that way. She is so lucky and has been a good friend to others and she has many, many good friends so she really is better off where she is. She has been on a physical upswing for the past month but is starting downhill slowly again with very bad arthritis pain. I know that we will have to have the "nursing home" talk again soon. There is a beautiful one in town run by nuns that she has visited a friend at and said she loved but that was a couple of years ago and of course she has changed her tune now that she might have to go there. I appreciate all your support and I am happy to know that I am not alone in all of this!
Welcome to the thread Bayoubaby. It sounds like your Mothers plan might be to have you take over her full time care, but then I don't know her so I can't really say for sure. Whatever you do just know that you have friends here and we will listen and give you support. xoxo
Hello All, I am definitely new to this whole "taking care of mother" thing. Mama has definitely been high maintenance all my life (from an emptional perspective). I am an only child and adopted so I am all alone in this. My Mama is holding me hostage at the moment because she constantly makes me feel like I am being a bad daughter if I do not do exactly what she wants when she wants it. She had a bad bout at Christmas and then struggled for a couple of months and then in the hospital again. I had been telling her that with all the arthritis pain she had been in she needed to go to the hospital and get some relief from the pain which she finally had no choice but to do. They moved her to a rehabilitation facility which she said she hated and she was not sure why she was there! I live 800 miles from her and had to leave my job to go down and see about her. I told her that if they let her out of the rehab, she would have to move into a nursing home because she could not care for herself anymore. She said some of the worse things to me of her whole life and has been so mean to me that it has been hard to want to help her. She was able to go back to her home but with round the clock care that she could not afford. Gratefully she is feeling much better and does not have to have the care anymore but now she is running out of money for the future. Everytime I try to talk to her about the money she tells me that she "is not going to live much longer" as though the day she runs out of money she will drop dead! Now she is clammoring again for me to come and visit but made it a point to tell me that I could not "visit my friends the whole time" because she wanted me all to herself! Instead of taking that as a compliment, I am actually a little afraid. Not sure why I wrote all of this but it has made me feel a bit better having done it. I will keep reading your comments as I could certainly use some support.
Tim, you are a good pers.on. It is so hard to watch and you can't stop it from happening. I was with my dad when he passed, I'll always be glad for that. Sent him off with stories of fishing on his boat like we used to do, knee on the drivers seat, wind in his hair, dolphins jumping at our bow. I think it helped..Thanks to all of you on this site, I am so glad I found you. I will take the advise and check into social services, maybe they have something to offer. I've nearly spent my savings these last two years, and at my age I have no idea why any one would hire me if I could even hold a part time job. We'll see
Tim, I'm here for you too. Linda I really miss you girl! I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time grieving the loss of your Dad :(.. Keep in mind that you are probably also dealing with the fallout from long time Caregiving as well so be kind and nurturing to yourself. xoxo Cuz, thank you for the jokes!!
Here's my thoughts about feelings of resentment and anger towards siblings. Are they horrible, selfish, and sometimes down right evil? Of course they are. Can we change the fact that they are who they are? Of course not. Do we somehow make it right when we hold so much anger and contempt of them? No. Because it doesn't do anything to them. All these emotions are kept bottled up inside of us brewing and stewing and mostly having the affect of additional pain and misery that takes it's toll on our energy levels. Holding on to all that pain is like putting a weight around our necks.
The bottom line is very clear.. We are caring for our loved ones not because we are better in some way but simply because we CARE. If the sibs truly cared they would be the ones doing the job. The reasons a person cares has nothing to do with how much money they have, their education or their job or living situation. Just because someone who has very little gives up what others consider "nothing" doesn't make them moochers. It actually reminds me of the story of the widow giving her last two coins to help others. The teacher said.."she gave more than all the rest (those who gave a lot of money because they were wealthy) because she gave out of her need" So for those who gave up what little they had to come to the call to help another is giving up far more than those selfish sibs can even comprehend.
We do ourselves a great justice when we can let it go, forget about what others fail to do and just acknowledge to ourselves that they DON'T really care and we can't change them or how they feel. When we do this we stop having expectations of them and therefore we are no longer disappointed, hurt and angry. We separate ourselves from any dependency on these selfish people and the pain goes away.
The Sibs are full of criticism and judgement so lets not buy in to it and think that their is something wrong with us because we aren't perfect in their eyes. Lets not give a rats ass what they think. That's my two cents worth of thoughts on Sibs. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
tim - i am so sorry for ur loss . big hugs to u and i dont even know who u are . i left when u came aboard . i lost my dad march 2nd , im all mess up , i can only imagin what ure going thru and i hope ure stronger than i am . god bless you tim . xoxo
Good Morning !!! CUZ needed that and wow true about cali lol Diane you sound better GLad to here Read Bobbies post about dementia Diane its hard on us newbies These ladys that have done gone through it is such a wake up call there advice is.. I feel for you my MIL had nothing My husband & I bought her home (which we sold later) when she had back surgery & wanted to get apartment so now she lives in my home. Like Only me and so many more when a parent gets sick You have to do what you have to do move into there house.. Then siblings think you chose this for your own good ....OH I cant stand half your siblings.lol keep coming back onlyme......
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Oops.
Now you guys have a shot of not ever feeling like this.
lovbob
Bobbie, thanks for sharing that part of your experience. Even in my own past experience I learned how the phase after our loved one is gone is extremely difficult.
Cat and Victoria, I find your words to Tim are very comforting to me as well.
I just returned home after having my labs done. Next week I will be talking to my Doctor again and she said I might be ready to take off of the meds for diabetes, or at least lower the doses considerable, Yay! happy dance!! I've been working for the last two years really hard to reverse my diabetes and it's finally starting to pay off. When at the lab I noticed I was talking the technician's ears off, lol It's time for me to get a couple of hours out of the house and mingle with people. Love you all.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Tim,
I sold everything and ran after my mom died and regret it terribly. Decisions during duress are squirrely at best. In retrospect I would have been better off staying in the house with the what seemed like painful memories but just needed time for me to heal properly and settle into my 'new normal'.
My present 'new normal' is way more upsetting and painful than if I had just closed the house and taken the time I needed somewhere and then come back. I only realized it all after it was way too late and the house was gone and all of my family memories were gone too. It was the hardest thing I ever did and it is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life second only to doing the 24/7/365 caregiving to my mom, whom I loved very much, but shouldn't have ruined my health and future for. Not an hour goes by where I don't regret it and now what I have created is just another thing to grieve.
Love ya Tim and don't know you but have an appreciation for the intense pain that you are in.
lovbob
I don't know why she's slacking off. I mean, the more money I pay, the slacker she becomes. I've been brainstorming about this for a few days now. Sis was like this the last time she moved in. It got so bad, she was absolutely no help at all and became just an extra mouth to feed. Finally, my dad called her daughter and said to come and get your mom. Dad and I have no room for slackers or hanger ons here. Caregiving is very exhausting, and every help counts and expenses are high. We can't afford nor need slackers.
Sigh...oldest sis will be moving in permanently in December. Her daughter is planning to marry and "she needs to have her own life" and they only have enough room in her fiance's house for his parents. No room for her mom - my oldest sis. Therefore, sis will be moving here. Whoopee!! (NOT!!!)
I don't know how long you have been with Laura or if both of her children are also yours. From what you have shared, I think you have coped with her illness and all the ups and downs by being in charge of her care. She has been your focus and you have been involved with every aspect of her illness, the decisions made, the hopes and the daily care she has received. So you have been very busy.
There is nothing more for you to do for Laura, but be by her side, hold her hand and let her know you love her. This is a meaningful role, but it is so passive compared to what you have been doing for so long. You can not distract yourself with all the many things you did for her before because that job is now done.
It can be amazingly difficult to find so much time on your hands and to be taken from a roll that you dedicated yourself to. I am just wondering if your rush to sell your belongings and move out of your home is more about a need to be busy. Your empty home, which is un-peopled right now, is a place to focus your pain. I'm wondering if, in time, it might also be a comforting place with some good memories. Even if it isn't, to leave it behind so abruptly might increase your feelings of loss. Sometimes it's better to just stay quiet and give yourself some time before making big changes. If the children will be living with you, they may need some time to process all that has taken place and familiar surroundings are grounding in the face of loss and part of the healing process.
None of this may apply to you and I was unsure that it was appropriate to post this message to you because I don't know you personally and because you are in such a fragile state right now. Please forgive me if I sound like I'm lecturing. That's not my intention.
I worked with many families that went through the horror of seeing their child stricken with cancer and eventually losing the battle to that terrible disease. My heart would just break for them. Often, they had spent several years or more completely absorbed in the day in, day out, care of their child. Who wouldn't be totally focused on their child's care and all the hospitalizations. The hospital social workers, doctors, nurses and staff became a second family to them. The other kids in the family suffered from the fact that their parent's attention was so focused on the child who was sick. It just can't be helped and the parents suffered too knowing that their other children needed them.
I know of many parents, especially moms, who when their child passed away were at a total loss about what they should do when they got up in the morning. Many wanted to go back to the hospital. It had been their life for so long and they knew other families there. They had become bonded to so many in that setting, like many of us here on AC are, but much more so.
Even though their other children were still waiting to be seen, the focus was still on the lost child. It takes time to over come loss. It takes time. Laura's children are victims here too. Again, I don't know if you are their biological dad, but either way, you have to be a huge part of their lives. They will benefit from you being with them and present to hear their voices and see their faces. They need some time too.
Again, I apologize if I have overstepped my place here. I want to be supportive because I care about you. If anything in this post is helpful, then I'm glad I posted. If not, just kick it to the curb and know that I meant well.
Love and peace to you, Cattails
Onlyme, I just read your post and you have giving all you can give n some and you r NOT the bad guy however, they do know how to act right around certain people. Like Austin mention, try contacting a social service and see what they can do to try help.
Timbersherwood , you are in my prayers.
Cattail, you doing okay?
Bookworm, or should I say, "Ms. Speedy Octomom." What a freaking morning you have and every single freaking day? OMG!!! I think I would had to been stingy about the pay for sis n just paid the 80bucks. She only get more $$$ if she completed your list that u in order to give you a small break when u got back home from work. Ex: washing a load n fold clothes, dishes, vaccuming, etc. Something simple but is time consuming n that would help you get a small fraction of a break.
I am with Cricket, tell your sis that the money is an incentive to do extra!
Ms. Octomom, you r woman n some!!! I hope you have a nice day. ; )
lildeb, hopefully the mil's bladder infection gets taken care of. Good luck getting her to drink water. You can add a little lime to her water, it's not acidic like lemon. Just an idea.
Jen, how are you healing up and walking now?
Diane, Have you been getting some sleep? How are you holding up under the stress?
Judy, I truly believe you are an empath. Don't know if anyone has ever told you this but an empath is a person with the ability to feel others pain. It's a gift.
Tim, I'm thinking of you and here to listen. Hang in there.
Austin, what a horrible ordeal you went through with your husband shutting you out to punish you. I hope you have been able to work through that pain.
Love you all,
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Agree with bobbie she laid it out clear....
Welcome newbies. vent away, these connections save lives literally!!!
Bayoubaby: Welcome aboard and come back to chat more. You will get lots of support here.
Cuz: Thanks for the jokes.
Cattails
A college class was told they had to write a short story
in as few words as possible. The instructions were:
The short story had to contain the following three things:
Religion
Sexuality
Mystery
Below is the A+ short story in the entire class.
" Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."
Linda I hope you start feeling better soon too. Welcome bayobaby Yea sounds like if she gets you there she just might hold you hostage...lol Im like cricket I don't know your mother but, stick around YOU will get all the advice you need here alot of good people...Some people have alot of siblings but feel like only child because They are only child taking care of parent...
Maybe when you go home you can arrange for a couple of the sisters to visit with your mom and you at your mom's house. Just tell them what the backstory is and that she wanted to be with them at one point and now is fighting it, etc etc and they can 'drop in' and if she acts out they won't freak.
Sorry that she gave you a dose of the bitters. It's the disease. Your mom is probably showing sign of Dementia and if you read back a few pages here there is some information concerning the understanding that things are no longer the way they were and that intervention is on the near horizon.
Keep coming back and we welcome you! Vent and Live!
lovbob
I am definitely new to this whole "taking care of mother" thing. Mama has definitely been high maintenance all my life (from an emptional perspective). I am an only child and adopted so I am all alone in this. My Mama is holding me hostage at the moment because she constantly makes me feel like I am being a bad daughter if I do not do exactly what she wants when she wants it. She had a bad bout at Christmas and then struggled for a couple of months and then in the hospital again. I had been telling her that with all the arthritis pain she had been in she needed to go to the hospital and get some relief from the pain which she finally had no choice but to do. They moved her to a rehabilitation facility which she said she hated and she was not sure why she was there! I live 800 miles from her and had to leave my job to go down and see about her. I told her that if they let her out of the rehab, she would have to move into a nursing home because she could not care for herself anymore. She said some of the worse things to me of her whole life and has been so mean to me that it has been hard to want to help her. She was able to go back to her home but with round the clock care that she could not afford. Gratefully she is feeling much better and does not have to have the care anymore but now she is running out of money for the future. Everytime I try to talk to her about the money she tells me that she "is not going to live much longer" as though the day she runs out of money she will drop dead! Now she is clammoring again for me to come and visit but made it a point to tell me that I could not "visit my friends the whole time" because she wanted me all to herself! Instead of taking that as a compliment, I am actually a little afraid. Not sure why I wrote all of this but it has made me feel a bit better having done it. I will keep reading your comments as I could certainly use some support.
Angels to you and Laura and all of your family there.
lovbob
Here's my thoughts about feelings of resentment and anger towards siblings. Are they horrible, selfish, and sometimes down right evil? Of course they are. Can we change the fact that they are who they are? Of course not. Do we somehow make it right when we hold so much anger and contempt of them? No. Because it doesn't do anything to them. All these emotions are kept bottled up inside of us brewing and stewing and mostly having the affect of additional pain and misery that takes it's toll on our energy levels. Holding on to all that pain is like putting a weight around our necks.
The bottom line is very clear.. We are caring for our loved ones not because we are better in some way but simply because we CARE. If the sibs truly cared they would be the ones doing the job. The reasons a person cares has nothing to do with how much money they have, their education or their job or living situation. Just because someone who has very little gives up what others consider "nothing" doesn't make them moochers. It actually reminds me of the story of the widow giving her last two coins to help others. The teacher said.."she gave more than all the rest (those who gave a lot of money because they were wealthy) because she gave out of her need" So for those who gave up what little they had to come to the call to help another is giving up far more than those selfish sibs can even comprehend.
We do ourselves a great justice when we can let it go, forget about what others fail to do and just acknowledge to ourselves that they DON'T really care and we can't change them or how they feel. When we do this we stop having expectations of them and therefore we are no longer disappointed, hurt and angry. We separate ourselves from any dependency on these selfish people and the pain goes away.
The Sibs are full of criticism and judgement so lets not buy in to it and think that their is something wrong with us because we aren't perfect in their eyes. Lets not give a rats ass what they think. That's my two cents worth of thoughts on Sibs.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
CUZ needed that and wow true about cali lol
Diane you sound better GLad to here Read Bobbies post about dementia Diane its hard on us newbies These ladys that have done gone through it is such a wake up call there advice is.. I feel for you my MIL had nothing My husband & I bought her home (which we sold later) when she had back surgery & wanted to get apartment so now she lives in my home. Like Only me and so many more when a parent gets sick You have to do what you have to do move into there house.. Then siblings think you chose this for your own good ....OH I cant stand half your siblings.lol
keep coming back onlyme......