Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

CAT so glad to hear your day was good with your dad... He sounds like a sweet man, explains where you got your sweetness from.. I've worked in different NH & was a cna for years then got my QMA which allowed me to pass meds and work a hall with supervised nurse so I got to see both sides and thats all its about is having good people working there. There are some people I met that wouldnt of went home if there kids begged them.... Im glad you have people there to keep eye on him:) I bet your grandaughter is getting ready will be here before you know it. My son & his girl friend have went to alot of weddings this summer I asked them if it put the wedding bug on them.....
HOPE EVERYBODY HAS A GREAT DAY!!!!!! I better get off here I have my lil girl I babysit after school today and my 3 neices one nephew & MIL that probaly will act worse than all 6 of them put together or at least need more attention. there all ages 6 to 12 so not bad kids that helps...

Cattails-beautiful story about lunch with Dad! Brought a tear to my eyes! Sounds like he did understand and that had to bring peace to your soul! Hugs!
25 Elks at your back door-sounds scary to me!!!!!
Jen, I am with you about the heat. Why does it have to be so extreme? Can't we just have a warm day with low humidity???? My hubby calls me his sweatty sweety! Gross.
Tbailey-hope you dtr has fun with her cousins! I dream crazy sometimes-my hubby says I should write a book! Where these things come from is a mystery to me! Always in full color! I can fly and breathe under water! Meanwhile-WW is (to me) better than just counting calories or "points" cause they stress good foods or power foods that keep you going and full. If you just like to eat (which I do) you can eat all the veggies and fruit you want! So I can "snack" whenever I want on those things! They are zero "points" on WW. So, I don't feel like I am depriving myself which makes me happy. With all the fresh fruit during summer-I think I picked a good time to start WW! This week I am trying harder to make sure I "track" all that I eat and get a little more exercise. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
My cousin and I were talking about caregiving. She cared for her mom for 10 years. She mentioned how much the world values "progress"and it got me thinking. When it comes to caregiving for the sick and elderly-(positive)progress is not always attainable. Progress for us is making it through the day-or the hour! Sometimes the only "progress" our loved one is making is they are getting one more day closer to the end of life. Somehow we need to help people understand that what we do has value-keeping out charges safe, fed, cared for-and that altho it is hard to measure the progress-what we do is still valuable! It is such a difficult job-we just want our job to be recognized for doing what is so valuable for these people who cannot do for themselves.. though no progress may be seen or measured. So pats on the back to all of you reading! You are all doing a great job!!!! Love, Mame

BTW: The elk picture was taken by our garage. Just one of the bulls who travel lthrough. Usually in groups of 12, but sometimes 25 or more. Cat

I took my dad a double cheeseburger from McDonald's today. Called ahead and the staff set up a private table for us in a private family room so we could have lunch together. They were just so helpful and happy to do this.
He loved his burger (ate all of it), had a couple of glasses of thickened orange juice with it and munched some fries too. He didn't really respond to me much while we were eating. So I started to explain that Warren was having some health problems and that seem to really get his attention and concern. I explained the details and also that my BP was getting high and that I really need to get out of the house more to exercise and take care of myself.
He was real concerned and I told him that because of these things we needed him to live at this facility so we could deal with the health issues we are facing. He seemed to understand that and wanted me to tell him how old Warren was so I reminded him my hubby was 64 and I was 63. He thought about that for a moment. I asked him if he was unhappy there. He said, "Oh sometimes." I asked him if he was upset with me. He seemed surprised at that question and said 'No".
I told him I was sorry I couldn't take care of him at home, but reminded him that Nick (my son) was there to look out for him and that Karen, Christy and Julie (nurses) all loved him and wanted to make him happy. Anyway, told him how much I loved him and he said, "I love to you, sweetheart."
After our conversation and lunch was over, I took him back to the nurses station and he wanted to sit there for a while. On the way back, Christie was walking by us and I told her what my dad had eaten (she needs to chart it) and she was so happy he loved his burger. He was just all smiles and she gave him a big hug. He looked like he was happier and grateful for the conversation we had.
I promised my dad that I'd be in all the time to see him and would bring him special lunches, etc. I reminded him that my Granddaughter, Amanda, was getting married in August and we would be going to the wedding. He just beamed, smiled at me and asked how old she was now.
So that was my day with dad. He was good about everything and I do believe concerned about us. I think he just needed me to be truthful with him. That's my take on it.
For me this is a big hump to get over. I may have to restate it again, but at least it's out there now and for this day he understands.

I do love my dad and I so wish he could be will and independent again, but that"s not an option. So I will just pray that he can be happy and safe and well cared for.

Love Ya, Cattails

usuall7y say people in dreams are parts of ourselves? No idea maybe you are afraid of doing something and are pushing yourself? I have no idea...

Off crutches but brace stays for the duration....

Wish the heat would stoppppp.

Meanwhile: Do you think your dreams could have anything to do with your feelings for Indio? What are you feeling when you have this dream. When he jumps out from hiding, do you realize he has passed away. Do you want to run to him. Are you glad to see him. Could you write him a letter and tell him how much you miss him and always loved your life with him. Maybe talk about you know he wants you to be happy and you are grateful to have Indio in your life because he fills the emptiness? Just some thoughts. Love, Cattails

I dream my husband is hiding, and jumps out to scare me, then he laughs and laughs. It doesn't scare me, but is puzzling. Mame, your going to do great with the Weight Watchers. I should find a group. Been trying to get more exercise, and eat less, but I don't do very well at it. Especially the eating less part. The dogs are enjoying the walks though. Hope everyone has sweet dreams tonight.

Hello Everyone !!!! Today is busy day .. Been reading trying to keep up with all.
Mame I believe my cousins are my true best friends what would we do without them. Glad to here you had such great time...My 10 year old is having her cousin here last 2 days and thats my sisters girl then tommrow i'm letting my BIL bring his 3 kids over. I hate it but with MIL here living & doing her crazy stuff kinda nice she has her cousins....
I always think about things and try to dream about them but dont I can dream crazy....

Hi All! Been a while since I have written, but I have been reading!

My cousin that came for the funeral of our cousin Jane stayed with different relatives for about 5 weeks and she stayed here with me last week. It was really nice bonding time and I don't think my kitchen has ever stayed clean all day! She just kept it up for me! And she stayed with mom while I went to an appt one day so I didn't have to shell out the big bucks! Said it was the least she could do! Mom has decided she has 3 daughters now-not just 2 and told our cousin she wishes she could stay forever. But, back to Arizona she went... Fun while it lasted-broke up the monotony!

Mom is loving Day Care her one day a week and seems to be keeping it in her head that she goes every Tuesday. We are supposed to hit 100 degrees today tho-so I didn't take her out. She was happy to stay home. Had to get someone in here to sit with her while I went to Weight Watchers. WW is going well I guess. I am having trouble "tracking" all that I eat but I am becoming much more aware of all I put in my mouth!!!! So, I haven't lost much yet but can see where this can work. Now that my cousin is gone, I feel I can get my arse moving and not feel like I am being watched or monitored! One day, I was eating 2 cookies and she says to me-"why not just have one?" And I answered, "Cause I really want 4!" Anyway...Cricket-I am going to get ahold of the book you mentioned-seems right up my alley! I will get in touch with you and feel free to share with Cattails! I know it is going to take work-but the last two weeks were learning the ropes-now it is time to get down to business!
Jen-so sorry about your ankle!!!! Cat-hope dad is doing well and you are getting some much needed time for yourself! Meanwhile-my dad visits me from time to time in dreams-but never speaks...One night I dreampt I picked up the phone and he was on the other end (I heard him talking) and I said "sorry dad, didn't know you were using the phone" and hung up! When I awoke I was so mad at myself for not talking to him!!!! Let's hope they call again! Hi Bobbie how is the the Boat Angel doing? Hi-tbailey, lildeb, Tim, Judy, Diane, Cuz Linda, Austin....I know I am missing someone-so "HI" to the crew! Keep cool everyone! Mame

So good to hear from you Linda. In a way your Pa will always be around, looking after you.
Cat, I love the elk picture, did you take that picture? We have a few elk here in SW Texas, but not many. They are sure impressive.
Judy, good luck on the singing to your Mom. Sounds fun. I should try it. Of course I can't carry a tune in a bucket. Might push my Mother over the edge. She used to have a lovely singing voice, but haven't heard her sing in years.
Jen, so glad to hear you are on the mend. Take it easy, and let your ankle heal up before you do to much.
Hope that AC is still working Bobbi. Can't imagine Florida heat without it.
I had such a nice day. Indio brought steaks out to cook on the grill, I made peach pie. I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty. But, I know that my husband would want me to be happy.
Hope everyone has a good week.

doing Ok here getting around the house been a week know it is healing!

Good week all Thank you for the support and hugs and comments...cuz and Linda bobbie lied, judy, cat, rip,meanwhile...

hi austin :-) . im doing ok , just havent had any enegry in a while . dont know which way to go or where to start anymore .
just want my pa back here , that wont work ugh .
dreamed about him on his birthday , he called and i answered the phone , he said linda this is ur daddy , just want you to know that i miss you very much . i said oh dad i miss you so much too , click , ph went dead and i woke up . oh lords letting him call home for his birthday . :-) , great to hear his voice !
makes me miss him even more . maybe he ll call again ya think ?
xoxox

Linda no fair you can not just drive by we need your voice .

vroom zoom . im driving by . lalala
xoxo

Thanks, Cat! I don't mean to be funny, I think its just the boneheads that I'm related to that make life so interesting sometimes. But, they're loveable boneheads :)....well, except for my mother when she's doing her complaining thing. I know the exact kind of headache that Meanwhile got while canning with her mom. The complaining goes on and on and your neck begins to stiffen, as much as you think you can ignore the complaints, they still break through. Then, when your neck and shoulders have become so stiff that they hurt, the headache kicks in. Its wicked. When my oldest was little, he had some real tantrums where he'd whack his head on the floor intentionally, the little nutcase. He's the most mellow guy now, btw. Anyway, the pediatrician told me to either hug him until he stopped wigging out, or to start singing to distract him. Both worked. I'm trying them out on Mom later. She loves to sing. This ought to be a hoot. Her mother used to sing WWI songs while she scrubbed clothes on a washboard. I think I'll start with "Won't You Come Home Bill Bailey". I'm either going to come home ready to gouge my own eyeballs out again, or it'll be a good afternoon. I'll let ya know!

Meanwhile: You have a great day tomorrow goofing around. Sorry your mom is so negative. Judy posted somewhere that her mom is really negative too and they just ignore her. When her mom gets irritated that no one responds to her comments, she repeats them and Judy just says, "yeah mom, we heard you the first time" and then everyone moves on. That just cracked me up and I wanted to share it with you. Judy is so funny. You have fun with Indio. How is our Omaha? Just love that horse and hoping the best for him. I think he does have the best, being with you.

Tim: I'm no expert on stem cell transplant, but I did spend 23 years working with kids with high risk and terminal illnesses. Most of them were cancer patients and there were countless bone marrow transplants....stem cell transplants. I've been retired now for 8 years and things have progressed medically. Plus adults and children differ in treatment. Still I am an open ear if you want one. Everyone here is so please stick with us. We care about you and your girlfriend. Sending you love and support always.

Love you guys, Cattails

Tim, I will hope and pray for a good outcome, it sounds very serious. Vent all you want.
Deb, I hope you get to feeling better. I know this sounds crazy, but I go get an acupuncture treatment if I feel like I'm coming down with something, and it helps. Haven't been sick for couple of years now. I used to get the flu 2 or 3 times every year.
Cat, so glad to hear your Dad has settled in. It can be hard to move an Alzheimer or Senile patient. The change in surroundings can really throw them. I'm sure some days will be harder than others, but you did the right thing. You need to take care of yourself too.
Jen, hope your ankle is getting better.
Austin, and everyone, thanks for the encouragement. Living next door to my mother, who is the most negative person you could ever meet, is hard. She came over to help with the canning today, and gave me such a headache with her constant complaining. After 53 years of listening to her, I just ignore her most of the time. Everyone does, which makes her mad. Oh well, Indio is coming over tomorrow, and we are going to cook some stuff on the grill, play with the horses, maybe shoot some targets with the pellet gun. In other words goof off and have a good time. Hope everyone else can take at least a few minutes to do something fun.

No, there is no counting hands down Alzheimer and Dementia are just IT!

Thank you so much for my immune system has to stay somewhat low so it don't reject the kidney but I think its allergies n a little stress as well. sneezing, itchy ears, scrachy throat n drippy nose in AM. PM I am stuff up from taking something for the AM crap. Going try use some saline nose spray n go gargle with warm salted water. I woudl do anything for a frozen popcicle. mmm ; 0

Timsherwood, what about a slide lock at bottom of the door to keep her from getting outside so early beings she is having a little memory problems? Please feel free to vent all u need for it does help to release some stress.

Have you ever learned about something and it just simmers inside until you're ready to blow? Well today my brother came to visit my mom and they were talking. It seems my sister-in-law has finally moved back home with my brother. My mother asked if his dog Napoleon was back home too. He said yes and that Napoleon had recovered from his surgery. It came out that Napoleon's surgery cost over $3,000. Before I blow my stack, let me say this. I will do just about anything for my pets. The "but" in this statement is don't tell me you can't give your mother $300 a month because you paid over $3000 for your dog to have surgery. Am I just being too sensative?

Thanks for letting me vent

Hi Y'all,

Tracy talk with the doctor about an antidepressant that treats OCD well. Also, try a saline nasal spray. Maybe the membrane in her nose is dry and causing it to itch. They can also get a fungus in the sinuses too.

Tim, if you are getting to the point of a stem cell transplant my two gut reactions are either you have run out of options or this is a ray of hope. I'm going with the later. I don't think the doctors would do a stem cell transplant if they did not feel she had a chance. We may seem like imaginary friends sometimes, but this thread is my strongest and most reliable support.

Lildeb, take care of yourself!!!! No time for sore throats. My mom used to brew some very strong tea and put a teaspoon of baking soda in it. When it cooled she would gargle with it. Supposedly the baking soda helps clean the junk off the throat. Luckily I don't get sore throats very often.

I am going to have to start taking notes! I start to address a few people and then I forget what all I wanted to post. I'm telling you, I know I burned some of my brain cells with that OD.

I'm back on duty as the caregiver is walking out the door. Let the fun begin!!!!

Have as good a day possible!

Love ya,
Diane

It's Sunday afternoon here and I just caught up reading everyone's posts. It's like watching an ongoing picture movie with all that is going on with everyone. Everyone here, new and old ones posting. With everyone sharing what is going on in their lives and everyone commenting and encouraging one another I find it such a loving environment that I am so happy to be a part of it today. I love reading the long newsy posts as well as the short ones. Bobby, Diane, Lildeb, Meanwhile, Cuz, Tbailey, Jen, JudynW, Austin, Cattails thanks for sharing your stories, all of them good, sad, angry, funny, they are all good to me.

Tim Sherwood, it's good to see your posts. I'm sorry I don't have any knowledge about the stem cell treatments but it does sound like you are pretty knowledgeable on it so you are way ahead of most. I hope all turns out well for your gf client and the memory problems disappear under the correct care.
Meanwhile, I say go for it as long as it's not your inner voice telling you not to do it. You deserve as many slices of happiness as anyone else in this world.
Jen, Sorry about the additional slice of shit pie that was served up to you via the broken ankle.. even though it is more work for your Mother and I'm sure she is going to be difficult to listen to at least you will get a little break. Yay! Write write write like everyone says, you are really good at it!
Cattails, I'm so happy that everything is turning out so well for your Father and you are getting the help and support that really makes a difference for all of you.
JudynW, you should write also, I love your sense of humor and reading your posts!
Diane, just accept anything that comes from the sibs as a gift from above and enjoy. About the bf and no card, etc... everyone has a bad day and forgets or just thinks they can let something slide "this time" he is under a lot of stress too and you know it's not the norm for him so it's okay, this time. lol The important thing is that he is there for you and he loves you. Perhaps next year things will be less stressful for both of you and he will be more thoughtful. You are doing so much better the last couple of months which tells me that through it all you are on the right path.. keep it going!
Bobbie, TG and the boat angel you got the air back on! You already sound better for it. Thank you for all your posts. You have such great insight and understanding of what it's like to be a caregiver but most importantly a human being!
Austin, Putting up a note at the senior citizen center is a great idea. When my fil passed away we put an add in the freebie section of the local newspaper and found someone with the need for his hospital bed who didn't have the money to buy so it worked out great. Getting things moving is sometimes hard to do because it feels like letting go. Just keep in mind that anything we have can be of great use to another in their time of need.
Lildeb, sorry to hear about the sore throats and I hope it doesn't spread to the elders. As far as the bladder infection... is she running to the bathroom more than usual? When I was younger and had one I remember it felt like I had to pee really bad and I would barely get a trickle and it was frequently. Hope this helps.
Tbailey, I hate this illness too! I think Bobbie shared the best advice for you about the nose picking mania. Just do what you can and let the rest go. Easier said than done I know but do the best you can and know that we are all here for you, vent and live.

I've been a little down this past week about my little old dog Blackie, it might be getting to be that time to make a decision to have him put down.. I did some reading on it this past week and just reading about it made me break down.. but it's something I have to consider now because he might be in pain.. I am still trying to determine if that's the case. Everyone tells me based on his age and activities that it is time but I have to take my own advice and listen to what my inner voice tells me. Dad is doing okay atm no major issues, just the same craziness with his Dementia and it's like dealing with a teenager at this phase.. Nothing to vent about.

Sorry I wrote a book! hah
Love you all,
Cricket

tbailey: I have no idea how you stop her from this constant behavior. I have read about others who have had a parent doing the very same thing, but I don't recall any solution. Can you talk to her doctor. I don't know if your MIL is on an antidepressant, but PAXIL is a good antidepressant that also helps anxiety.

I think Bobbie is right in saying this is a kind of OCD behavior related to the disease. Talk to her doc.

Good luck and let us know what happens. Sending you hugs and hoping you get some relief. Cattails

Hey tbailey,
Yup it's Dementia all right and imho she has progressed past the 'middle stages'.
You can't tell them anything because they can't help it. You will have to move any clean laundry out of her reach because she's not going to stop. This is her little OCD so to speak.
She's not going to do hand exercises. Dementia is progressive so even if she's done them before and she's done them recently she's not going to do them for long.

At the Alzheimer's Store online there are things like an activity pad that has different goofy things sewn on it and gives them something to do with their hands but that's only under supervision because they generally don't reach for that and it doesn't solve the getting up in the middle of the night activities.

Wish I had something better to offer but it's the Dementia itself that causes these bizarre behaviors and all you can do is try to create an environment that reduces the opportunities. This is very hard and you are in the trenches with it. My heart goes out to you.

lovbob

Hello All I need you all I just can't figure this one out I think I might have vented before But my MIL that lives here with me has alzheimers not real bad not real good she stuck in middle stages but has picked her nose for like 2 years & gets it bleeding then starts blowing I was already doing enough laundry. I woke up to a mess yesterday she had got up in middle of night on bedside commode and at end of her bed I have a shelf with baskets of socks and gowns yes she dis blow and wipe her nose all over clean laundry.... My husband and me think its a nervous thing so we were like granny quit picking do hand exersises NO she just waits till you are out of site and you hear her blow it had to take kleenex she used whole box but now uaing clean clothes... I have no clue my husband said we put socks on her hands like you do new borns so they dont scratch face yeah right she would have them off in no time ..... I HATE THIS illness...

Cattails ty for your thoughts I / we really appreciate it. I will keep you all posted cause im gonna need to vent so i appologize ahead of time ;) But this should be intresting i bet im gonna have some gross stories since her short term is affected... well till nextime

so has anyone gone through this process (stem cell ) or have knowledge of it im pretty smart about it all but i would like to have a goto person hahaha ... just looking for friends and support i guess dont have much of either here makes it just that much harder i guess well getting late look forward to telling more later gn

Tim: Thinking of you and client. Please keep us posted. My heart goes out to both of you and I am praying for a good outcome. So glad to hear from you. Love to your both, Cattails.

Lildeb: I think you can get sick just from the stress. It wears down your immune system and leaves you unprotected. It's your bodies way of saying you need a break. You have so much on your plate. Your dad, your step-mom and mil. Good grief, girl, it's all so hard to see and feel. Clearly, your mil missed you and feels more safe where you are there. I think you are a special saint. Truly, lildeb, you are so kind and caring. I know you remind us that you are not perfect, but you get a pass for that. Still, you are better than many and I hope you get a chance go get over you bug. You are a very good person. Love, Cattails

Well greetings all just thought i would drop by for an update sounds like everyone is having a great time broken bones and all ;) So my gf and or client depending on the day haha went for a walk at 3 this am i woke up at 7 not to find her anywhere in the houxse so i called her cel luckily she had it but when she answered she was confused no idea how why and especially where (dang chemo) so i had her give me land marks and luckiy she was down the street but ....i should back up a bit for 8 onths now she has been going throug chemo and surgeries for lymphoma which have taken its toll on here memory but never anything like this so needless to say i was scared on the inside but being a guy and 'dense' i pursued the situation relentlessly and found her .so as of right now she is going through a stem cell transplant so part of that is we have a brand new team (which is awesome) but this incident concerned them and wham we are back in the hosp. for more test joy joy but it is all part of the game i guess we were not planning on moving to this area for a couple weeks (when required) but now we are here. luckily she was fine just overly tired (sleep walking ) the chemo has pretty much attacked her cognitive and short term memory which is an awesome conversation al 15 times i had it today with her trying to explain it to her ;) but in the end she is still here no matter what has to be done its all worth it ... well i dont comment much i do read a lot of post and i want to thank you all for your stories and strength you show each other. well im done venting now sorry if my post means no sense half asleep but momma always told me dont want it in your head write it down and what better place then a forum with people who understand ....
oh btw point of the story never sleep or make plans in this process sometimes min by min gn and good luck all ...