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Tbailey: Thank you for your kind words and support. I'm sorry I didn't notice your post earlier. My mind is scrambled right now. Then there was that idiot Sylvester and Diane's 50th that is such a milestone.
Tracy. you are like the daughter I never had. I don't know why we connected when we did, but it has meant so much to me. I always think of you and hope you are ok. It touches my heart that you think so much of me. Not sure I deserve it, but you can be sure I will always be here for you. Not going anywhere. Love, Cattails
Diane: Happy 50th. But don't think 50, think 51 and 52 and 53. It's going to get better and you have lots of years ahead of you. You are just beginning to come out on the other side. It's closer than you think. You have come miles is the last few months. You are not the same person, you are now a take charge survivor.
Happy Birthday to the new you. I'm sending so much love your way and i hope you can feel that and all the hugs and support I have for you.
Jen: WTF? You broke your ankle? I'm waiting for the details and don't leave anything out. You are a writer after all. Spare no details. Have you thought what a broken ankle, leg, hip could do to FP. Do you buy bananas, wash floors...really wet and left to dry. Bless you Jen. Wish I could pick all of us up and go see Diane and her B/F, Go to a fun dinner and celebrate you cast and her birthday.
Happy Birthday, Diane! I turned 50 last month. It wasn't a fun one. My husband wasn't prepared....no special dinner, no cake. One of my sons put a candle in a ding dong for me before he ran out with a friend. I was hurt. My husband is usually so much better than that. They all are. I love the way Cattails told you that next year you'll be living a different life. How true. Its funny how time changes things, and when we look back, we shake our heads or laugh or just breathe a sigh of relief that whatever bullshit was going on is over. I hope next year, you're laughing.
And, Cattails, its good to be back. I'd been in a funk, just sad and pissed off and generally disgruntled. I'm glad to be back, chatting, purging, laughing with my invisible friends. Its good therapy, and I've really grown fond of the group of people here that I've come to know a bit. Ya'll are alright! I'm sorry you had such a difficult day with your Dad. I can't imagine the vice grip it has on your heart. I hope you sleep tonight.
Taking Fang to the oral surgeon tomorrow. I'm wondering what she can horrify me and the waiting room crowd with. It'll be something inappropriate. I can hardly wait.
Happy Birthday, Diane. To bad we don't all live close enough to go out and celebrate together. My buddy Indio is singing tomorrow at the local bar. He is really quite good. I don't drink (allergic to alcohol), but I go and listen when he is performing. Cat, do stay, and hang out. I'm still here 8 months since my husband passed away. Cuz's your joke reminded me of a story. I swear this is true. A friend of mine's little brother was born at the hospital, and the Doctor that delivered him died of a heart attack a few hours later. So little Tommy went home with out being circumcised. Tommy's mother had to find a new Doctor. The new Doctor was in no hurry to do the circumcision. Told her, lets wait until something else comes up. Well Tommy was a very healthy baby, and nothing came up. Finally, when he was 5 years old, the Dr decided Tommy needed his tonsils and adnoids out. So Mom reminded the Dr that he needed to do the circumcision. All went well, and it was a couple of months later. Tommy was playing in the front yard with the little girl from next door. She said she was going to have to get her tonsils and adnoids out. Tommy looked at her with a long serious look, and said " wait until you find out where your adnoids are".
Diane: God have mercy on you. I am so angry that your brothers lack of help costs you so dearly. Does this mean you can't see your therapist? Can b'f fill in the gap. This is where the rubber meets the road. You only have a couple of more months until your mom gets on Medicaid. (Correct me if I am wrong) Things will get better and you will get more in home care.
I wish I was rich and could just send you a check to get you out of this hole; get your mom in a NH and give you a chance to live your life. Truly, it just breaks my heart. Same for Jen. Just wish I could make everyone's pain go away. I know money does not relieve pain, but just to be able to escape the catch 22 of life and have a chance to live.
Diane: Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. It will get better. A year from now you will be living a different life. It will happen and it will get better. Things will change.
Sending you love and so many hugs. You are an angel and you are also a strong person.
Cat, you gave a very good response to Sylvester. Every single one of us on this sight have a different life experience and a different situation to bear. Yes there are similarities, but each is as unique as the individuals and familys we are part of. No one has the right to sit in judgement of our situtations. This includes my cold hearted nephew and sister. Remember, karma has no expiration date. They will get their dues.
I just put mom to bed and five minutes later she is calling to say she is hearing water running. Lord give me patience!!! It's the water in her oxygen concentrator that she questions every night. She is once again convinced she isn't at home. According to her I have a new friend that has a race track and some swimming place. Wish I knew where that was so I could get out of the heat...lol
Two more hours and I will officially be 50 years old. Im feeling very sad, but I realise it is because no one really cares that this is a significant birthday for me. Just 5 years ago I worked my ass off to give a good friend a 50th birthday party. That friend hasnt spoken to me for a year and a half now. Another judgemental ass. I plan to use the remainder of a restaurant gift card tomorrow and have dinner with my b/f and mom. At least mom had some clarify to day and said she was sorry my sibs were treating me so badly. I'm not sure if she understands how badly they are treating her too.
Since the bro is no longer helping me out by staying with mom in the afternoon I am going to have to cut my work hours to about 25 hours a week. This will make me lose my insurance so I will need to pay for COBRA. The cost per month, $604!!!!!! I am convinced my sibs are f*&^ mad!!!! Yet they say I'm the psycho. I guess they must think the psycho is printing money to live on too. Assholes! Sorry, just feeling very pissed off with them.
Let me get to bed so I can get s few hours rest before mom is up again. The last few days she wakes me up in the middle of the night to ask how I'm doing. Then she starts telling me these wild tales about all she has been doing. I know these things all seem very real for her and I feel sorry for her trying to make sense out of it all.
Cricket, sorry to hear that your computer crash n I hope you had saved any of your stuff on a usb stick or something so you didn't lose everything. I lost a lot of my stuff a couple of yrs ago when lighting with through r cable wires n we had a surge protector too.
Cattail, just read another post of yours n I am glad that the NH is working with you for your dad. Maybe after your dad is able to get in his ole recliner he will feel a little bit at ease.
Ok Crew: Sylvester posted his venom on "Is it wrong to hope someone dies" thread. Since I can't post on his wall, I responded to him on that thread. Check it out if you want. I will write ac about him. Jerk.
I just got back home this afternoon n trying to check in on everyone. Internet service comes n goes in Ocala n especially in Williston Fl. Cattail, so sorry to hear about your dad in the NH n try not to feel selfish for you have n still r doing everything you can for him. You r a very caring n loving person so try to take a breather for u cannot do it all. You n your dad are in my prayers.
Meanwhile, I would have to say Amen to the mom's cooking, sweet potato n porky chops sounds yummy about now. At least she thank you n your sister n is trying to show her thanks to cook once in a blue moon. Be thankful for the little things n she is a clean freak.
Dtflex, sorry to hear that your mom sounds like she in severe dementia stage. I hope you are able to get the medicade as quick as possible.
Cuz, love the joke. lol for we all need a good laugh or two sometimes. Thanks.
Crew: Holy Shit, he gave me the bird too. Just found it. What an ass****. Got your post Judy. We will get him now. By the way, you know that he has his wall set up so you CAN'T post to him. Crafty little bugger. (I bet he is short) Cattails
Judy: Are you serious? I've not received an alert that I have a post from Sylvester 18. I am LMAO right now. LMAO, LMAO, LMAO. Oh, bless you for this diversion. It's been a crappy day.
Took my dad to his doc this morning. Geez, that was not easy and it took Warren and I to get him there. Dad was not happy. I could see he was sad and feeling confused, misplaced and all I could think of was how much better he would feel if I just took him home and got him in his recliner.
The recliner is now at the NH Had to wait today for the doc to get ORDERS that dad could have his high quality mattress, plus the flotation mattress topper. Hospice said I could use it for him at the NH. So now I can finally get it down to him. I was bummed out today for sure. Tomorrow will be better.
Judy, back to you and the freak. I'm on it. I checked the news feed today and Syl 18 was freaking out on somebody else.
Here's what irritates me. When I check my wall, all I see is what I posted to others, I guess I can go to Activity to see who posted on my wall. Mostly, I just get a notification if someone posts on my wall.
I haven't looked closely at my email alerts. I'll check Judy. Don't worry about him hurting me. He is a raving lunatic.
BTW, Judy, I just want to tell you how glad I am to have you back. Your explanation of Fang and your heart being 3 sizes to small made me laugh out loud. You are too funny and I am so glad to have you back.
To everyone on the thread, thank you so much for your kind words. Bobbie, could you really go to Maine for the summers? OMG, that would be so awesome. You need to get out of that heat. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!
I hate the heat and lived in it for 30 plus years. It was only when Fall came that I realized how miserable I had been. I knew I didn't like it, but one foot in front of the other, then Fall would come and I could feel my whole body relax. I felt 10 years younger.
Ok, I'm going on search for that sufferin, succotash cat, Sylvester.
Evening folks, My computer broke down and it looks like I missed a lot going on in here over the last couple of days.
Cat, it sounds like everything went really well with the NH. I'm glad you are feeling a little lighter.. so now it's on to the new phase of Caregiving for you. Take a deep breath and say "all is well". I'm really glad you are sticking around here! Like everyone has said...we need being stuck with you! LOL
To everyone else I think we should all make up a list of names for the little old lady "Cuz" mentioned with all the mean and nasty sibs names on it. j/k but evil Crickets not. lol
Bobbie, I'm with you about working at night... did your ac break down or what? Gawd..... I would die or lay around looking like I was dead without the AC. I am south of you but it's been hotter than hell here too.. we're getting the daily afternoon Thunderstorms that make the humidity go way up. I walk outside and it's like walking into a fully functioning hot steam room...you know the old kind where someone pours water on the hot rocks! When I open the door to go outside the lizards and snakes, yes I said snakes, are trying to run inside to get out of the heat. You need to stay in and stay cool as much as you can, and get that water cold and keep drinking it all day and night. If I wasn't home bound with Dad I would come up and help you, or at least kill over with you from the heat. XOXO!
Love you all, *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Cattails thinking of you thoughts and prayers.... You are such a inspiration to me please dont go anywhere.. You have know clue how helpful you are to many but the day I found this site you were there & you have had to wake me up couple times Take care and you and your hubby take it easy for while keep us updated and help answer our needs here lol
Hey, Cat! I read your update on Lisa's thread. Sounds like the staff at the NH really tried to lessen the gut-wrenching factor for you. Some people are just gifts, aren't they? I hope your heart doesn't ache too much. I know it must, even though you know this was the right thing to do. You're in my thoughts, my friend. I took Mom (aka Fang) to the dentist yesterday. For 4 hours. Long story - won't get into the dental crap. She did manage to talk very loudly in the quiet waiting room about all sorts of embarrassing family stuff again though. I swear, she waits for the quiet places to bring up one of my brother's nasty divorces, or the schizophrenic nephew, or the time my cousin got drunk and his friends shaved his eyebrows off and homeless people stole his clothes and he had to walk home naked, or a horrible bout of gas, or a plane ride where she sat next to the smelly bathroom, or the way my dad digs his ears with a toothpick. JEEZ! And, then I can't shut her up. I'm not kidding. This is the crap she talks about. Even when I pretend to read my book. I tried to feel some compassion yesterday with her whole fang debacle, and even though my heart is 3 sizes too small, I think I managed it. I wish my ass could be 3 sizes smaller, but, eh, it is what it is. Bobbie... Maine sounds awesome... Boothbay Harbor... I'll meetcha!
Cattails, congratulations on making that first step to getting your life under control. I don't really know why placing a parent is a touchy subject because each situation is different and those that oppose need to walk in the other guy's moccasins for a week to put it all into perspective.
You wrote a beautiful piece that describes your dad's first day and all that you are doing to make him comfortable and as healthy as possible in this new phase.
Cattails, you are a wonderful daughter and you have done and are doing a wonderful job. I am also very happy that we are, um , 'stuck with you'!
SelfishSib! You are another one that is doing an incredible job in the face of major adversity. You know your sibs are just worthless and you keep on keeping on.
Placement has a stigma that we should work to overcome. Not addressing the stigma forces caregivers into untenable positions and robs them of their health and sanity. This is not the taking care of grandma of years ago because of the advances in medicine. Now we keep the body going years and years after the poor mind has left and it's the loving child who takes on the caregiving when they have no clue of what's to come and how they are going to cope with it. And no one but another caregiver will tell them. We all have little parts of this process that we champion and I guess fighting for the caregiver to feel good about placement is mine. Doesn't mean it's for everybody but that's not the point. No one has the right to judge when a caregiver says enough but that caregiver.
Have a good day you guys. I am still heat sick. This is not working for me and I already had the boat before the first time I got heatsick so I am thinking about summers in Maine.... haha
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know. lovbob
Cattails, Had the same experience as you and many others when placing a parent or loved one in a NH. You KNOW it's the right thing and at times you feel selfish, but generally you come to realize it absolutely was the right thing to do. Adjustment takes some time and is different for everyone. Sounds like your father is still level headed. That's good. He sounds sweet. My dad has been in for 6 months and not adjusting. He fights with the nurses and the doctors, he's rude, argumentative,and just plain nasty. It is his dementia. Some people go happy crazy and some get mean crazy. I'd say the latter is what we got here. I don't want to continue on because i don't want to discourage you. My experience will not be your experience. Sounds like you have a lot of special equipment in place to make him comfortable as well. That's great and probably makes you feel better too.
Even though Dad's in a NH, I still do all the day to day care, errands, meds, appointments, groceries etc.. for my Mom down the road. And as you all know, it's not just the physical part, it's the mentally responsibility that I think is killing me the most. No sibling support, no phone calls, no offers for help in three years. I asked twice for help when I was breaking down and they both said no. One just lazy, the other wants their money. She actually got a lawyer because she thinks I'm spending my parents money. They have no money. So I had to get a lawyer and hand over all the bank statements, which was fine. I have nothing to hide. She can get 40 lawyers and she'll never find any impropriety. So that of course, made her even more mad!!! LOLOL that's what I say about that!
Cattails, I know I look like shit too. I do exercise but I've been sick so I'm trying to get back at starting today. I wish I could just run away. hang in there honey. it will get easier, I'm sure.
We got dad to settled this morning at the nursing home. We were able to get him on the same floor as Karen, the charge nurse, (our son’s girlfriend) and also Christie, who is another nurse manager on the same floor who I just loved when my dad was in rehab. Christie and Karen had requested him. The room on their floor opened yesterday, and we were able to secure it for dad.
My dad has a bed by the window, looking out onto the courtyard. Christie and Karen gave him a nice welcome; lots of hugs. My dad loves a pretty face for sure. He shares a room, but his room mate is a younger man, probably in his 40’s. They share the same first names. I took some of his clothes and staff is marking his name on everything….at least they said they would. I have more to take and will do so tomorrow. We have a much better mattress, which we purchased for him when he arrived with us, so that will be going down along with the air filled roho cushion, a $400.00 item we bought for his chair because when he came here he had the beginnings of a bed sore on his butt. We will also check into buying the air-filled pressure pad that Hospice let us use. It goes on top of his mattress. You can’t get one in NH unless you have bed sores. Of course, these prevent bed sores by redistributing weight. Prevention is worth a pound of cure, so we will check into buying that for him
Karen and Christie took my dad via wheelchair up to the nurses station. He got lots of hugs from staff that knew him before. They put my dad behind the desk. I told him, "Ok dad, now you are in charge. If anyone comes up, you answer their questions." He just cracked up.
As I left, I could smell lunch and knew he would be eating soon. I was so grateful that someone else was doing lunch for him and dinner and breakfast tomorrow.
I’m taking him to his doc tomorrow for a 9:30am appointment. Going to do blood work and just an over all check up so we can have a base line and see if he needs to address any other concerns to NH. I think my dad will come through the exam fine. His blood pressure today was 118 over 70 and he has regained so strength on the right side.
As I left the nursing home, I met up with Becky. She is the gal at the front desk and if ever there was a kind soul, it is she. She wanted to talk to me for a minute and told me (in the softest voice and the kindest way) that she could see the toll caring for my dad had taken on me. I know I look and feel like shit, but for me it’s a gradual daily change. For Becky, it had been 9 months since she last saw me. She wanted to tell me that I was one of her favorite people, a very loving daughter and that I was doing the right thing for me and Warren. She’s been through this too with her parents and is probably my age. She gave me the name of a place in Cannon Beach, Or., that she loves and said it was a great place to enjoy. She will be leaving the NH effective Aug. 1st and wanted to say good bye. I will sure miss her, but I have her new # at her next job. It’s a management position and a great step for her.
I thought it would take me a few days to do it, but I got the bug to call the company that rented us the bed for dad and also the wheelchair. Boom, they called back around 4:30pm and showed up 10 minutes later to pick the equipment up. In the meantime, Hospice called about paying a visit and so I explained to them that dad was in nursing care. They were very understanding and will call tomorrow to pick up their loaners. I’ll call Soroptomist (sp) and make arrangements to return what we borrowed from them.
I’m doing laundry now, bedding, blankets and clothes from this morning. My poor washer and dryer have been going non-stop for 9 months. We brought them up with us when we moved, so hoping they have a few more years to give us with a lighter work load.
It has been a long road, lots of years. I know it's not over, but at least now I feel like I am walking on pavement and not uphill on a loose gravel slope.
Yesterday was terrible, today was the day I dreaded. This evening feels lighter. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but we will deal with it.
I want to thank all of you for your prayer and kindness. I know placing a parent is a touchy subject, but I have truly felt your prayers and love. I can’t thank you enough
Setting up hubby for a colonoscopy (sp) to be sure nothing serious with the two bouts of diverticulitis that he has experienced in the last 4 months. Time to start focusing on us.
Now, I’m not saying Goodbye, ok. This is just the start of a new chapter. You suckers are stuck with me.
Diane, I have that 2x4, send me your sister’s address in Seattle.
Hopeing all goes smooth with your Dad-it takes awhile for them to settle in-but all I times I was in NH's with the 16 rehab stays I never saw any resident who did not adjust well.
Oh Cattails. I remember that day for me and like I said it was just respite! Oh poor girl.
Welcome home Judy and thanks for the post on my wall. Good luck with your mom's 'fang'. I feel for both of you as well.
Hell I feel for everybody!
I haven't been able to leave the boat but for a few minutes. I have rigged some emergency ac but it is brutal. I don't know how folks live without ac.
I hope you check in when you get home Cattails. I did when I put mom in and everyone was so good to me and it really helped. We'll be here checking so please let us know.
Cuz, when I read that in my email just now I wondered if you were going to post it on the thread. Brilliant. I really appreciate this information because I have no long term care insurance and no kids and basically on my own and will be out of money so this really made my day to know that there just might be a place for me after all. I don't think I can do murder but if I pull some of the same tricks the banks pull on us (stealing money) I am sure I will get locked away forever. Glad to hear that Diane is on the mend. She certainly is a strong person to endure all of that and pick herself up and keep going. Please tell her I always remember her as my adorable little cousin. No kidding crew, she is precious and just as pretty as can be.
It is not yet dawn here on the river and it is beautiful.
Thanks for the nature updates from the Great Pacific Northwest and Florida and Upstate New York and I hope Linda is ok and everyone has survived and is surviving this amazing heat. It about kicked my butt yesterday and I was working in the shade. The yard's electrician came down the dock to work on another boat and took one look at me and told me to get inside and drink water. Bless his heart, he probably saved my bacon.
I think that I am going to rig a light and sleep in the day and work at night. It is stupid hot.
ok, I love you guys. Got to drink some coffee so I know which end is the pointy end. Vent and live! lovbob
This one had a picture of an old lady with a big gun but I couldn't post the picture sorry lov Cuz
You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! And because of your age, you even get different living arrangements than the general population so you'll be safe. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered. As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now. And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home. Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore. Is this a great country or what?
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room--- the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done When I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, They give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
No need for the 2 x 4...lol It's only Tuesday and its already a crazy hectic week! Half our office is at a conference until Friday so the three of us left behind are working like crazy. Makes you truly appreciate your co-workers!
Mom actually did pretty good yesterday and so far today. I think she likes that I am coming home earlier to be with her. Really sucks financially, but she seems a little easier to handle. Maybe I'm the one that's delusional to think this...lol
Mom and I were talking yesterday at dinner and my b/f was so surprised to hear all the tings she used to do even just 6 years ago. He has only known my mom as an old woman that is unable to care for herself. He didn't get to know the dynamic woman she was. My mom used to be my best friend and we talked about everything. She might not have always agreed with everything I did, but she was always there. Mom used to sew, knit, crochet, quilt, garden, paint the house, mow the lawn, cook, clean, etc. She was a real dynamo!
Well the neurologist office called to say they can see mom on July 19th. I'm very happy to get that news since something has changed lately but I can't say what it is other than list her strange behavior. I was reading about stages on Alz.org and moms dementia fits into the severe cognative impairment stage. I took all the paperwork with me to work to copy t and submit to Medicaid but it was so darn busy I never got a chance to copy the stuff.
Well, I am going to try do some work at home while mom is being cooperative to sit in her recliner and relax. Cuz, good to hear your sister is picking up the pieces of her life. Have a good day all!
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Tracy. you are like the daughter I never had. I don't know why we connected when we did, but it has meant so much to me. I always think of you and hope you are ok. It touches my heart that you think so much of me. Not sure I deserve it, but you can be sure I will always be here for you. Not going anywhere. Love, Cattails
Happy Birthday to the new you. I'm sending so much love your way and i hope you can feel that and all the hugs and support I have for you.
Jen: WTF? You broke your ankle? I'm waiting for the details and don't leave anything out. You are a writer after all. Spare no details. Have you thought what a broken ankle, leg, hip could do to FP. Do you buy bananas, wash floors...really wet and left to dry. Bless you Jen. Wish I could pick all of us up and go see Diane and her B/F, Go to a fun dinner and celebrate you cast and her birthday.
Love, Cattails
And, Cattails, its good to be back. I'd been in a funk, just sad and pissed off and generally disgruntled. I'm glad to be back, chatting, purging, laughing with my invisible friends. Its good therapy, and I've really grown fond of the group of people here that I've come to know a bit. Ya'll are alright! I'm sorry you had such a difficult day with your Dad. I can't imagine the vice grip it has on your heart. I hope you sleep tonight.
Taking Fang to the oral surgeon tomorrow. I'm wondering what she can horrify me and the waiting room crowd with. It'll be something inappropriate. I can hardly wait.
Cat, do stay, and hang out. I'm still here 8 months since my husband passed away.
Cuz's your joke reminded me of a story. I swear this is true. A friend of mine's little brother was born at the hospital, and the Doctor that delivered him died of a heart attack a few hours later. So little Tommy went home with out being circumcised. Tommy's mother had to find a new Doctor. The new Doctor was in no hurry to do the circumcision. Told her, lets wait until something else comes up. Well Tommy was a very healthy baby, and nothing came up. Finally, when he was 5 years old, the Dr decided Tommy needed his tonsils and adnoids out. So Mom reminded the Dr that he needed to do the circumcision. All went well, and it was a couple of months later. Tommy was playing in the front yard with the little girl from next door. She said she was going to have to get her tonsils and adnoids out. Tommy looked at her with a long serious look, and said " wait until you find out where your adnoids are".
I wish I was rich and could just send you a check to get you out of this hole; get your mom in a NH and give you a chance to live your life. Truly, it just breaks my heart. Same for Jen. Just wish I could make everyone's pain go away. I know money does not relieve pain, but just to be able to escape the catch 22 of life and have a chance to live.
Diane: Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. It will get better. A year from now you will be living a different life. It will happen and it will get better. Things will change.
Sending you love and so many hugs. You are an angel and you are also a strong person.
Don't forget I have that 2 x 4. Love, Cattails
I just put mom to bed and five minutes later she is calling to say she is hearing water running. Lord give me patience!!! It's the water in her oxygen concentrator that she questions every night. She is once again convinced she isn't at home. According to her I have a new friend that has a race track and some swimming place. Wish I knew where that was so I could get out of the heat...lol
Two more hours and I will officially be 50 years old. Im feeling very sad, but I realise it is because no one really cares that this is a significant birthday for me. Just 5 years ago I worked my ass off to give a good friend a 50th birthday party. That friend hasnt spoken to me for a year and a half now. Another judgemental ass. I plan to use the remainder of a restaurant gift card tomorrow and have dinner with my b/f and mom. At least mom had some clarify to day and said she was sorry my sibs were treating me so badly. I'm not sure if she understands how badly they are treating her too.
Since the bro is no longer helping me out by staying with mom in the afternoon I am going to have to cut my work hours to about 25 hours a week. This will make me lose my insurance so I will need to pay for COBRA. The cost per month, $604!!!!!! I am convinced my sibs are f*&^ mad!!!! Yet they say I'm the psycho. I guess they must think the psycho is printing money to live on too. Assholes! Sorry, just feeling very pissed off with them.
Let me get to bed so I can get s few hours rest before mom is up again. The last few days she wakes me up in the middle of the night to ask how I'm doing. Then she starts telling me these wild tales about all she has been doing. I know these things all seem very real for her and I feel sorry for her trying to make sense out of it all.
Have a good night!
Diane
Cattail, just read another post of yours n I am glad that the NH is working with you for your dad. Maybe after your dad is able to get in his ole recliner he will feel a little bit at ease.
Cattails
Cattail, so sorry to hear about your dad in the NH n try not to feel selfish for you have n still r doing everything you can for him. You r a very caring n loving person so try to take a breather for u cannot do it all. You n your dad are in my prayers.
Meanwhile, I would have to say Amen to the mom's cooking, sweet potato n porky chops sounds yummy about now. At least she thank you n your sister n is trying to show her thanks to cook once in a blue moon. Be thankful for the little things n she is a clean freak.
Dtflex, sorry to hear that your mom sounds like she in severe dementia stage. I hope you are able to get the medicade as quick as possible.
Cuz, love the joke. lol for we all need a good laugh or two sometimes. Thanks.
Took my dad to his doc this morning. Geez, that was not easy and it took Warren and I to get him there. Dad was not happy. I could see he was sad and feeling confused, misplaced and all I could think of was how much better he would feel if I just took him home and got him in his recliner.
The recliner is now at the NH Had to wait today for the doc to get ORDERS that dad could have his high quality mattress, plus the flotation mattress topper. Hospice said I could use it for him at the NH. So now I can finally get it down to him. I was bummed out today for sure. Tomorrow will be better.
Judy, back to you and the freak. I'm on it. I checked the news feed today and Syl 18 was freaking out on somebody else.
Here's what irritates me. When I check my wall, all I see is what I posted to others, I guess I can go to Activity to see who posted on my wall. Mostly, I just get a notification if someone posts on my wall.
I haven't looked closely at my email alerts. I'll check Judy. Don't worry about him hurting me. He is a raving lunatic.
BTW, Judy, I just want to tell you how glad I am to have you back. Your explanation of Fang and your heart being 3 sizes to small made me laugh out loud. You are too funny and I am so glad to have you back.
To everyone on the thread, thank you so much for your kind words. Bobbie, could you really go to Maine for the summers? OMG, that would be so awesome. You need to get out of that heat. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!
I hate the heat and lived in it for 30 plus years. It was only when Fall came that I realized how miserable I had been. I knew I didn't like it, but one foot in front of the other, then Fall would come and I could feel my whole body relax. I felt 10 years younger.
Ok, I'm going on search for that sufferin, succotash cat, Sylvester.
Love, Cattails
Cat, it sounds like everything went really well with the NH. I'm glad you are feeling a little lighter.. so now it's on to the new phase of Caregiving for you. Take a deep breath and say "all is well". I'm really glad you are sticking around here! Like everyone has said...we need being stuck with you! LOL
To everyone else I think we should all make up a list of names for the little old lady "Cuz" mentioned with all the mean and nasty sibs names on it. j/k but evil Crickets not. lol
Bobbie, I'm with you about working at night... did your ac break down or what? Gawd..... I would die or lay around looking like I was dead without the AC. I am south of you but it's been hotter than hell here too.. we're getting the daily afternoon Thunderstorms that make the humidity go way up. I walk outside and it's like walking into a fully functioning hot steam room...you know the old kind where someone pours water on the hot rocks! When I open the door to go outside the lizards and snakes, yes I said snakes, are trying to run inside to get out of the heat. You need to stay in and stay cool as much as you can, and get that water cold and keep drinking it all day and night. If I wasn't home bound with Dad I would come up and help you, or at least kill over with you from the heat. XOXO!
Love you all,
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Cattails, congratulations on making that first step to getting your life under control.
I don't really know why placing a parent is a touchy subject because each situation is different and those that oppose need to walk in the other guy's moccasins for a week to put it all into perspective.
You wrote a beautiful piece that describes your dad's first day and all that you are doing to make him comfortable and as healthy as possible in this new phase.
Cattails, you are a wonderful daughter and you have done and are doing a wonderful job. I am also very happy that we are, um , 'stuck with you'!
SelfishSib! You are another one that is doing an incredible job in the face of major adversity. You know your sibs are just worthless and you keep on keeping on.
Placement has a stigma that we should work to overcome. Not addressing the stigma forces caregivers into untenable positions and robs them of their health and sanity.
This is not the taking care of grandma of years ago because of the advances in medicine. Now we keep the body going years and years after the poor mind has left and it's the loving child who takes on the caregiving when they have no clue of what's to come and how they are going to cope with it. And no one but another caregiver will tell them.
We all have little parts of this process that we champion and I guess fighting for the caregiver to feel good about placement is mine. Doesn't mean it's for everybody but that's not the point. No one has the right to judge when a caregiver says enough but that caregiver.
Have a good day you guys. I am still heat sick. This is not working for me and I already had the boat before the first time I got heatsick so I am thinking about summers in Maine.... haha
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
Had the same experience as you and many others when placing a parent or loved one in a NH. You KNOW it's the right thing and at times you feel selfish, but generally you come to realize it absolutely was the right thing to do. Adjustment takes some time and is different for everyone. Sounds like your father is still level headed. That's good. He sounds sweet. My dad has been in for 6 months and not adjusting. He fights with the nurses and the doctors, he's rude, argumentative,and just plain nasty. It is his dementia. Some people go happy crazy and some get mean crazy. I'd say the latter is what we got here. I don't want to continue on because i don't want to discourage you. My experience will not be your experience. Sounds like you have a lot of special equipment in place to make him comfortable as well. That's great and probably makes you feel better too.
Even though Dad's in a NH, I still do all the day to day care, errands, meds, appointments, groceries etc.. for my Mom down the road. And as you all know, it's not just the physical part, it's the mentally responsibility that I think is killing me the most. No sibling support, no phone calls, no offers for help in three years. I asked twice for help when I was breaking down and they both said no. One just lazy, the other wants their money. She actually got a lawyer because she thinks I'm spending my parents money. They have no money. So I had to get a lawyer and hand over all the bank statements, which was fine. I have nothing to hide. She can get 40 lawyers and she'll never find any impropriety. So that of course, made her even more mad!!! LOLOL that's what I say about that!
Cattails, I know I look like shit too. I do exercise but I've been sick so I'm trying to get back at starting today. I wish I could just run away. hang in there honey. it will get easier, I'm sure.
xo
-SS
We got dad to settled this morning at the nursing home. We were able to get him on the same floor as Karen, the charge nurse, (our son’s girlfriend) and also Christie, who is another nurse manager on the same floor who I just loved when my dad was in rehab. Christie and Karen had requested him. The room on their floor opened yesterday, and we were able to secure it for dad.
My dad has a bed by the window, looking out onto the courtyard. Christie and Karen gave him a nice welcome; lots of hugs. My dad loves a pretty face for sure. He shares a room, but his room mate is a younger man, probably in his 40’s. They share the same first names.
I took some of his clothes and staff is marking his name on everything….at least they said they would. I have more to take and will do so tomorrow. We have a much better mattress, which we purchased for him when he arrived with us, so that will be going down along with the air filled roho cushion, a $400.00 item we bought for his chair because when he came here he had the beginnings of a bed sore on his butt. We will also check into buying the air-filled pressure pad that Hospice let us use. It goes on top of his mattress. You can’t get one in NH unless you have bed sores. Of course, these prevent bed sores by redistributing weight. Prevention is worth a pound of cure, so we will check into buying that for him
Karen and Christie took my dad via wheelchair up to the nurses station. He got lots of hugs from staff that knew him before. They put my dad behind the desk. I told him, "Ok dad, now you are in charge. If anyone comes up, you answer their questions." He just cracked up.
As I left, I could smell lunch and knew he would be eating soon. I was so grateful that someone else was doing lunch for him and dinner and breakfast tomorrow.
I’m taking him to his doc tomorrow for a 9:30am appointment. Going to do blood work and just an over all check up so we can have a base line and see if he needs to address any other concerns to NH. I think my dad will come through the exam fine. His blood pressure today was 118 over 70 and he has regained so strength on the right side.
As I left the nursing home, I met up with Becky. She is the gal at the front desk and if ever there was a kind soul, it is she. She wanted to talk to me for a minute and told me (in the softest voice and the kindest way) that she could see the toll caring for my dad had taken on me. I know I look and feel like shit, but for me it’s a gradual daily change. For Becky, it had been 9 months since she last saw me. She wanted to tell me that I was one of her favorite people, a very loving daughter and that I was doing the right thing for me and Warren. She’s been through this too with her parents and is probably my age. She gave me the name of a place in Cannon Beach, Or., that she loves and said it was a great place to enjoy. She will be leaving the NH effective Aug. 1st and wanted to say good bye. I will sure miss her, but I have her new # at her next job. It’s a management position and a great step for her.
I thought it would take me a few days to do it, but I got the bug to call the company that rented us the bed for dad and also the wheelchair. Boom, they called back around 4:30pm and showed up 10 minutes later to pick the equipment up. In the meantime, Hospice called about paying a visit and so I explained to them that dad was in nursing care. They were very understanding and will call tomorrow to pick up their loaners. I’ll call Soroptomist (sp) and make arrangements to return what we borrowed from them.
I’m doing laundry now, bedding, blankets and clothes from this morning. My poor washer and dryer have been going non-stop for 9 months. We brought them up with us when we moved, so hoping they have a few more years to give us with a lighter work load.
It has been a long road, lots of years. I know it's not over, but at least now I feel like I am walking on pavement and not uphill on a loose gravel slope.
Yesterday was terrible, today was the day I dreaded. This evening feels lighter. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but we will deal with it.
I want to thank all of you for your prayer and kindness. I know placing a parent is a touchy subject, but I have truly felt your prayers and love. I can’t thank you enough
Setting up hubby for a colonoscopy (sp) to be sure nothing serious with the two bouts of diverticulitis that he has experienced in the last 4 months. Time to start focusing on us.
Now, I’m not saying Goodbye, ok. This is just the start of a new chapter. You suckers are stuck with me.
Diane, I have that 2x4, send me your sister’s address in Seattle.
Love to all of you, Cattails
I remember that day for me and like I said it was just respite! Oh poor girl.
Welcome home Judy and thanks for the post on my wall. Good luck with your mom's 'fang'. I feel for both of you as well.
Hell I feel for everybody!
I haven't been able to leave the boat but for a few minutes. I have rigged some emergency ac but it is brutal. I don't know how folks live without ac.
I hope you check in when you get home Cattails. I did when I put mom in and everyone was so good to me and it really helped. We'll be here checking so please let us know.
lovbob
Cuz, when I read that in my email just now I wondered if you were going to post it on the thread. Brilliant. I really appreciate this information because I have no long term care insurance and no kids and basically on my own and will be out of money so this really made my day to know that there just might be a place for me after all.
I don't think I can do murder but if I pull some of the same tricks the banks pull on us (stealing money) I am sure I will get locked away forever.
Glad to hear that Diane is on the mend. She certainly is a strong person to endure all of that and pick herself up and keep going. Please tell her I always remember her as my adorable little cousin. No kidding crew, she is precious and just as pretty as can be.
It is not yet dawn here on the river and it is beautiful.
Thanks for the nature updates from the Great Pacific Northwest and Florida and Upstate New York and I hope Linda is ok and everyone has survived and is surviving this amazing heat. It about kicked my butt yesterday and I was working in the shade.
The yard's electrician came down the dock to work on another boat and took one look at me and told me to get inside and drink water. Bless his heart, he probably saved my bacon.
I think that I am going to rig a light and sleep in the day and work at night. It is stupid hot.
ok, I love you guys. Got to drink some coffee so I know which end is the pointy end.
Vent and live!
lovbob
You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you.
So what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.
Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day,
a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!
And because of your age, you even get different living arrangements
than the general population so you'll be safe.
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great.
Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.
And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that just told you
that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.
Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.
Is this a great country or what?
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other
outside the operating room--- the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little
nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done When
I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, They give you lots
of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I
was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
No need for the 2 x 4...lol It's only Tuesday and its already a crazy hectic week! Half our office is at a conference until Friday so the three of us left behind are working like crazy. Makes you truly appreciate your co-workers!
Mom actually did pretty good yesterday and so far today. I think she likes that I am coming home earlier to be with her. Really sucks financially, but she seems a little easier to handle. Maybe I'm the one that's delusional to think this...lol
Mom and I were talking yesterday at dinner and my b/f was so surprised to hear all the tings she used to do even just 6 years ago. He has only known my mom as an old woman that is unable to care for herself. He didn't get to know the dynamic woman she was. My mom used to be my best friend and we talked about everything. She might not have always agreed with everything I did, but she was always there. Mom used to sew, knit, crochet, quilt, garden, paint the house, mow the lawn, cook, clean, etc. She was a real dynamo!
Well the neurologist office called to say they can see mom on July 19th. I'm very happy to get that news since something has changed lately but I can't say what it is other than list her strange behavior. I was reading about stages on Alz.org and moms dementia fits into the severe cognative impairment stage. I took all the paperwork with me to work to copy t and submit to Medicaid but it was so darn busy I never got a chance to copy the stuff.
Well, I am going to try do some work at home while mom is being cooperative to sit in her recliner and relax. Cuz, good to hear your sister is picking up the pieces of her life. Have a good day all!
Love ya,
Diane