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Morning all, Hi Kiki, welcome. I've enjoyed reading your posts. Jen, I loved your advice about running from the house naked and screaming! I can totally relate to that right now. Cattails, don't be beating yourself up over your decision..stand by yourself and know that even if your dad is in a NH you will be overseeing his care and stepping in when needed. Like Bobbie said..just breathe. Is the left side weakness a norm for your Dad? If you don't do it ask to get his blood pressure checked and make sure there are no new issues going on. Angels to you!
Diane check in with us.. (thinking about you) and you better check in soon or Cat will be coming for you with that 2X4! LOL
I've got lots to do today so I need to go. Everyone have a good day!
Bobbie: Diane had plates and screws put in her left arm and the just taped her pinky to the ring finger same arm. Swelling is way down but she has trouble bending fingers, has to help them bend. Her right hand is about back to normal. She moved back into her own house and has gone back to work. It will be a month the 11th already and she is staying real strong and is moving on already, which is good. Love ya Cuz ps. Ma is doing real good yet but slowing down
Step Dad has been having leg cramps at night, his idiot Dr gave him a shot of Cortisone. Now his diabetes is out of control. Wonder how long it will take to get the cortisone out of his system. It didn't even help the leg cramps. Mom actually cooked Sunday dinner, and it wasn't too bad. Normally, she is a terrible cook, doesn't like to cook, so Sis, and I fix them meals from time to time. She actually. thanked us for that, and said she wanted to cook for us. At least I don't worry about eating at her house, she is still a clean freak. Sometimes she doesn't get stuff cooked all the way, but she did good on Sunday. Pork chops and sweet potatoes.
You are right, it sux no matter what you do. I know I am doing the right thing for us, but I feel so selfish. Nevertheless, there is a voice inside me that says it is time. The feelings vs knowing is just hard to reconcile. Guess we just have to accept that the conflict is unavoidable.
Thanks for the support. Sending you lots of hugs, Cattails
Cat, When I placed my mom in respite I was a wreck and that was only respite! Just remember to breathe. When I would get stressed I would quit breathing, literally. You love your Dad and it is so hard to see him helpless like this. My heart goes out to you because sooner or later here it comes and it's so hard.
I am so sorry that you are sad. And all of the caregivers and charges that are sad. Sux, but it just is. Still Sux.
Bobbie: Judy went to PA for a week. She should be back any day. I'm missing her too. Deef was having some modem problems a while back. Hope that she is ok too.
Meanwhile: Thank you for your kind words. They meant a lot to me.
Diane: I completely understand how you feel and Cricket's answer was exactly what was in my heart.
Jen: Keep writing and pursuing your dream.
Baby Kildees hatched yesterday. Four perfect replicas of mom, fully feathered and all markings identical. Only about an inch high. They are out in the grass now with mom, eating away. The geese took their first short flight this morning around 6:30am. Not so good on the landings, (some here-some there) but parents gathered them all up and all is well.
For the past two days my dad has been experiencing more right side weakness. Yesterday I was wondering if he would even be with us much longer. He is better this morning, but I just have a feeling that something is coming. Of course, something is coming because we are placing him. Maybe the anxiety I feel is about the placement. Feeling very sad.
Very well stated Bookworm. Welcome Kiki. Listen to these caregivers because they know the story and we all have walked the walk. That makes a world of difference when you're sifting through advice.
tbailey! ya, vent and live. You're doing an amazing job! Hope your husband has quit his bs.
Cattails! I cried my eyes out. That was so good.
Cuz! How is D? thanks as always for giving us jokes. You are an angel.
Flex! You have come so far and are doing so well. You know that feeling sad about what our parents have become is a part of the grieving process. We are constantly living in a state of grief. We grieve our lost lives while we grieve our parents and their challenges. We grieve constantly and that is why the depression rate for caregivers is so high.
Flex you are amazing. One foot in front of the other. Repeat.
Jen! Been following with great interest the paths that you are looking into to express yourself. Ya go for it big time. No one can tell you what to write you just do it and the words show up. There will be an audience for you and you will be so fulfilled that you actually may go a few hours without thinking about FP and the insanity in which you live. Have you Frisbeed the Hawaiian records yet? hahahahahaha Love you Jen.
Cricket! you are so sweet and I hope you guys have fun on your info quest. You have all my respect for doing that.
I hope that all are doing well and I am also worried about Deef! DEEF! Check in stuff and let us know...
Linda! love you sis.
JudymW! how's it going?
Was going to write more but they are pulling me out of the wet slip so I have to kill the power to the boat. More later and love you guys more than you know. lovbob
Kiki, I'm the 5th child of 8. I take care of my 2 bedridden parents. My oldest sis comes Mon-Fri to watch the parents while I work - fulltime. On Sats, my 19-yr old niece with her 1 yr old baby boy comes to watch until I come home. I change parents pampers in mornings, evenings from Mon-Fri, and on weekends - I do it 3x. I'm the only one who changes their pampers (not from desire but out of necessity.) My dad, when he was still walking, would forget he's cooking and kept burning the pots. I once came home, and the livingroom was smoky and he wasn't even aware of it! It's a good thing you were able to prevent your mom from cooking . It's kind of scary not knowing if he would accidently burn the house down.
Their illnesses will progressively get worse. You and sis will need to think ahead in the nearby future. I think you have an idea on what's ahead if you have been reading on this site. If your other family is not helping you now, they will definitely not be helping you later -when you will really, really be needing 24-hour care for your parents. Take care!
Igore and D sorry things got so crazy there, we all know what you are going through. Try and stay sane even if it involves running naked out of your house screaming...cops come tell em your a care giver....No charge.... Going to the bank to put more of DDDDaddies money in his account mean while I got a new bra and em ecstatic, wow new clothes smell. amazing... Making a cake for moms b day....God please let the day go OK some how...Idiot actually asked her if she wanted to Go Out for dinner on her birthday?...Yes, and have you choke your guts up, take your teeth out at the table and clean them with your fingers and crab about everything.. that sounds about as birthday fun as stomach flu.
have as good a week as you can everyone same here....
I have 100s of stories were to begin im the 6th child out of seven i get help from one sister thats about it I've herd it to many times everyone is busy moved in with parents 11 yrs ago after a year was moving out and kind of realize there getting old and neither were driving anymore so if i left there would be walking every where store bank doctors i just couldn't do it and sometime i regret it so here i am stuck with them and work all day come home for lunch to make sure stoves not on my boyfriend is on ssi at this time so he keeps a eye on them but boy can they make a mess eat using the rest room my mom spills everything especially in the frig easy ones twice a week dripping milk can fruit tomato sauce and wont say anything about it till i see it we've taken cooking away from here boy that was hard we had to tell every do not eat what she cooks or she wont stop cooking she wants to save it till its all gone even when it's gone bad it feels grate to talk to people who under stand
OMG! my moms 82 and my dad is 86 boy are they a hand full they live with me dad has alzheimers the problem is my mom she so dirty sorry but doesn't believe in bacteria and im tired of cleaning after her and living in these conditions so is my dad and my kids and husband she thinks we have to take care of here i about to quite
Diane, hang in there. It really is rough when the person we once knew is no longer visible. I get the same sad feelings about my father. It doesn't sound terrible, and it's not wrong to express your feelings. Only someone who lacked compassion wouldn't recognize your feelings and know that even though you don't like the person your Mother has become due to her illness, you still love her and it's only natural to mourn over her not still being the way you've always known her.
I know this sounds terrible, but I truly dislike the mean, angry and helpless person my mother has become. There is nothing about this person now that resembles the mother I've known all my life. Feeling sad :(
cuz thank you love your jokes...... DIANE Im so glad you feel better... I read your first post last night and boy good night sleep you needed I got to listen to Joel on tv that will b my church today...But Diane thanks to my girls on here I had soooo much anger that when I brought MIL home they all said they would help now my BIL single dad of 3 busy man is the only one when he can.... I had so much anger but after cattails advice and many others on here trust us look at it like this She is mine god has put me and her here and I will wake up every day to take care of us (YOU TOO) and they all can go too hell.... I have one sil sent a card the other day I LOVE YOU MOTHER PLEASE CALL ME!!!!!! her mother that has alzheimers could of cared less she even tried to give it to me and said it was my bday card from that sister lol but see looks like she going crazy (her girl feels me in) she dont have moms money so there BRoke and she is a mess and being mean to her 2 girls and even took a 9 year old grandaughters bday presents back because litle girl didnt come on july 4th when invited her bday wasnt till 7th anyway see siblings will get there own and gods girl please read also honey have you asked for help maybe if you ask sil's they would but they prob. arent going to volunteer. ok catt you had me crying that was so sweet what you wrote ...... Igore i could use you my husband is starting business and boy I go to help ship and he is so busy its crazy just trying to stay on top.... thank you meanwhile...IM trying to take care all we can do...love u all TRACY
Cuz, I totally agree with Dtflex of your jokes. Because I take things literally, I'm a bit slow when it comes to jokes. Sometimes, okay, a lot of times, the fam have to explain the joke to me ...and I still don't get it. I got the 2nd joke right away and laughed. Thanks. We needed the laughter.
Morning crew, Mom let me have a full nights sleep. The good Lord must have known I was at a breaking point last night. Bookworm and Cat, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Cat, can you use that 2 x 4 on my sister? She lives in Seattle...lol Since my attempted suicide in May there are two emotions I can't seem to release. One is the overall sadness or heavy heart that I feel all the time. I miss my family that used to be. I miss my mom that used to be. I miss my life I used to have. I'm still grieving all these losses. The other emotion is anger. I'm angry for all the losses and the struggles I'm going through. Bookworm, you are right that I need to stop expecting my sibs to help. They talk a lot of bull but never come through. Cat, as for the house it is free and clear and in a revocable trust. Upon my mothers passing the house is mine since the sibs all have their own homes. With the house being in a revocable trust I cannot get any type of loan. If mom would give me the house (which she can do without medicaid or tax penalty) I could apply for a loan. Unfortunately mom sees this as her security blanket and will not sign it over since she no longer trusts any of her children (because of sibs and grands actions). I understand her hesitence to sign over the house. I'm going to go to church this morning and maybe this will calm my tormented spirit and help me find solace.
Godsgirl, I don't think I've seen you post on the GO thread before. Welcome to an amazing group of people! Igore, I'm so happy to have you back. I agree about the electricity. I don't know what I would do about mom if the power went out! Austin, good to have you back. I was worried that your absence was due to the power outages from the storms. Anyone heard from Deefer?
Let me go check on mom and try get myself showered and dressed for church. In the meantime, enjoy my new picture and have a good laugh over the visual of how we feel. I just couldn't resist when I saw it lastnight.
I have three brothers who could care less what it takes to care for our 81year old mom. I'm the only girl so everyone assumes the daughter takes care of their moms. Thing is I also took care of my dad before he passed almost 4 yrs ago. In fact I was the only one who stay with him at the hospitals and handle all financial records, insurance, ssecurity, I took care of making sure he had clean clothes and managed his medication and took him to all his appointments. It was clear my mom didn't have the mental clarity to help & would get jelous for attention. My sweet hubby does more for my mom than any of my worthless brothers. And I also think the daughter-in-laws could step up to the plate and offer assistance and spend time with their husbands mother! But, no they are too too busy
Diane: I can't believe your new picture. It is the bomb. I guess I'm dating myself with that comment, but OMG does that capture the life of a care giver. It's freaking perfect. May not be how we look on the outside, but sure sums us up on the inside.
Now, you can vent all you want, but if you start talking that suicide shit I'm going to have to smack you upside the head with and big fat f***king 2x4. You just stop that shit right now.
Tell us how you came to understand how to get your mom a medicaid bed without a long wait period. Wait, Wait....my brain cells are starting to coagulate. She has to be a paying patient and then can go to Medicaid without the wait list. Your brother won't pay and your sister has not responded.
Diane, how much would is cost monthly and how long does she have to be there to get moved to residential status with Medicaid? I asked you before if you would be able to get the house free and clear. Is there a current mortgage on your moms home? Is it possible that you and your mom could get a loan against the house to cover the cost of putting her in a nursing home for a few months?
As you mentioned before, you are your mom's POA and Medicaid can't take the house from you because of all the years you have cared for your mom while living in the house. I don't know if the house if free and clear, but if it is, could you cover the cost of a small mortgage. Maybe $24,000.00 to cover a few months of nursing home care so she can go quickly to Medicaid? You could start the process the day she moves in.
Does this make any sense to you. I don't know all your financial circumstances, but it would be amazing if it is possible to do what is needed without consulting your idiot siblings.
Diane, I am so sorry that you feel the loss of your siblings (family), but we are your family too and we love you. B/F loves you and as crazy as your mom is these days, she loves you too and if she could tell you, she would say, "Diane, my beautiful and loving daughter, thank you for doing all you could for me. I love you with all my heart and soul. Now you take care of yourself and you make sure you visit me. You have always been there for me and I want to be there for you too, but I can't do it physically and I can't find the words to direct you to your new future. If I could I would say that I want you to carry on and find peace and love in your life. Love is so important and you have given that to me. I am so grateful because I know it hasn't been easy for you. Don't feel badly about your brother and sister. They don't have the empathy that you have and they will never be like you. My greatest sadness is leaving you alone. I know you love your family, but I want you to love yourself more; like you loved me. Now, my precious daughter, you figure out how to do what needs to be done and you take every moment from now on to enjoy the life you have; a life that came from my body and one that I cherish with all my heart and soul. I love you, my darling daughter. Please, for me and my love for you, take care of yourself and live your life to the fullest extent. You are my angel. Love, Mom."
P.S...lately, my dad sees little people. They're stealing his stuff and trying to make him go crazy. He also hears things and asks me what's that noise. I would stop. Listen. Then tell him that I don't hear anything. Then, he says that the Little People are making him go crazy. He figures that the Little People are spirits because he's the only one that can see and hear them.
Hi Dtflex. I was in the middle of eating lunch while reading this. Let me tell you, that Everyone in my family knows that when I'm eating, I Do Not Like to Be Disturbed. Long distance calls, Aunty, etc...are told that I'm busy and will call back. But, I felt compelled to stop my lunch (I can always warm it up in the micro) and write to you.
First of all, I LOVE your new photo. Although you were stressing and venting, I started to laugh. It's so, so...vivid..it reflects how YOU are feeling right now. Actually, how Most of Us feel!!
Second, I think that no matter how close we come to committing suicide, have therapy and medications, deep down, we will always long for it as long as we continue with whatever stress we're handling and we have reached our ultimate limit...or what we Think is the ultimate limit...until Another Worse situation occurs! I have constantly had suicidal thoughts since a child. It's something I'm used to. I only did a thread on this site when I knew that I was no longer thinking of it but actually was planning to do it. I'm back to my normal self, and no longer thinking of Doing It.
Third, I found it Very Helpful to Stop Expecting my siblings to help me with the parents. When I kept asking, begging, threatening to leave or suicide...Nothing Happened. Which then in turn, made me more angry, more bitter, more depress and more suicidal. It was this site where several people mentioned that I need to Accept the siblings Right Not To Help with Parents. By accepting it, I no longer stress as much from expecting and then being disappointed. Now, I concentrate on how to deal with the Now. And there's a lot of smart people on this site who gives Much Much Better Advice than my family ever could! And yes, YOU were one of those! (I have you noted down on my Words of Empowerment.)
4. My siblings said, "Tell us how much it would cost for a caregiver. We will pay our portion." I call around, got rates ($10/hour), calculated the cost and emailed to each siblings who are Not Helping. 3 did not respond. When I decided to withdraw from the fam for my sanity, I also stopped sending email updates. Sorry, action speaks louder than words. When push came to shove, they did not act upon their words. Therefore, I decided that since they really don't care to help, there's no need to update them on parents and my sanity.
You know for those who said that they are struggling financially? It just makes me mad that they're still able to TRAVEL. They try not to tell me this but one sibling would accidentally let the cat out of the bag. Ohh...so sis and hubby went to Las Vegas Again? etc.....So, I know how you feel. Go on vent!
By the way, if Medicaid is the same as here, you will have to do this every year - renewal, or something? I see at clinics the notice that it is the patient's responsibility to renew (??) their medicaid. So, you might as well learn the ropes now because it sounds like a tedious yearly procedure that you may end up having to do! Hugs and more HUGS!!! Love that picture!!! ;)
I have never been so thankful to have electricity. A lot of folks in this region still don't. The heat is unfreaking believable. Today we stay holed up in the house because nothing was worth going out in this heat for. If our electric were off I don't know what I would have done with Mom. I don't think she would be able to take .
Growing up we did not have air conditioning until I was about 11. Mom had won a window unit in a drawing. It was huge as far as window units go. Dad put that sucker in and it cooled our end of the house like a meat locker and but the other end of the house was very comfortable.
Anyways, I digress. Besides the heat, it seems my family is having our bout with health issues. First me bleeding out about three weeks ago (stomach ulcer), then my oldest brother having a heart attack this week, follow by my other brother getting the shingles.
I guess I need to start paying attention to my risk factors. I know things are changing for me. I have to have glasses to read, my endurance is nowhere near what it was awhile back, I don't feel depressed but I don't feel great. Thats good I suppose. Not a lot of mood swings that way.
I started a new job about six weeks ago. I really like it. Basically I have been given a small plant to manage. I am no genuis by any stretch but, the thing is the plant was so badly managed before that anything I do is an improvement.
I am glad that for now there has been peace around the castle. I hope it can last.
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'.. They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I know it is full moon and that is probably why mom is driving me CRAZY!!!!!! She will not go to sleep because she insists there is water running. We go through this every night that it is the water in her oxygen concentrator that is bubbling. Tonight she will not believe me no matter how many times I check the faucet in the bathroom.
I know I am stressed today even without mom pushing all my buttons tonight. I sent an email to my brother and sister explaining how mom would get a Mediciad bed without being on a 2 or 3 year waitlist. So far my stupid sister has not answered me, but my brother has informed me he cannot do anything financially to help mom. Why do they feel they have the option to step back and ignore mom and I'm left to "handle it" all? I'm feeling pissed and trapped. I can see I'm going to get stuck caring for mom with no help from the sibs for another 2 or 3 years. I'm actually pissed off that I didn't succeed in killing myself back in May. What is the purpose of all this shit I'm going through? All I've gotten so far is hate, criticism and abandonment from my family. Where is this freakin "joy of caregiving" the experts keep talking about?
I'm sorry guys but I just had to blow off some steam.
Cat, I know you're going to agonize over putting your Dad in the NH, and it isn't going to do me any good to tell you not to. But, you know you have done the best you could for your Dad. I try to tell myself I did the best I could do, but I still have times when I feel guilty, and think, why didn't I do this, or not do that. It's just human nature. If your Dad doesn't understand, well, he would have when he was in his right mind. Tbailey, glad you're feeling better, take care of yourself. Welcome Pat, take care of yourself too. I guess that goes for all of us.
pat i think depression is contagious in caregiving esp. if were waiting on depressed person 24/7 my mother in law sounds like your mom ive only had her since last year she is to point now though only once in while she paints her face to where she looks like a clown ....she has alzheimers though but use to she wouldnt leave her house unless her hair n makeup was done. If I didnt give her choice she would stay and never leave. Now she dont want to dress just wear gowns I mean . See Im done venting you helpedme by helping you PAT like dflex said these are my people if im having bad day with mil these are my people they care and I hope you stick around cause sounds like you could use some of my wonderful friends advice sounds like you have been through hell honey hope you keep us updated.... oh dont apologize catails heck i could be bipolor I dont know i know im crazy emotional hormonal mess sometimes & you know I had the strongest mother she was wonderful I think i took after my dad sometimes lol .....
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Diane check in with us.. (thinking about you) and you better check in soon or Cat will be coming for you with that 2X4! LOL
I've got lots to do today so I need to go. Everyone have a good day!
Love Cricket
Mom actually cooked Sunday dinner, and it wasn't too bad. Normally, she is a terrible cook, doesn't like to cook, so Sis, and I fix them meals from time to time. She actually. thanked us for that, and said she wanted to cook for us. At least I don't worry about eating at her house, she is still a clean freak. Sometimes she doesn't get stuff cooked all the way, but she did good on Sunday. Pork chops and sweet potatoes.
You are right, it sux no matter what you do. I know I am doing the right thing for us, but I feel so selfish. Nevertheless, there is a voice inside me that says it is time. The feelings vs knowing is just hard to reconcile. Guess we just have to accept that the conflict is unavoidable.
Thanks for the support. Sending you lots of hugs, Cattails
When I placed my mom in respite I was a wreck and that was only respite!
Just remember to breathe. When I would get stressed I would quit breathing, literally.
You love your Dad and it is so hard to see him helpless like this. My heart goes out to you because sooner or later here it comes and it's so hard.
I am so sorry that you are sad. And all of the caregivers and charges that are sad.
Sux, but it just is. Still Sux.
lovbob
Meanwhile: Thank you for your kind words. They meant a lot to me.
Diane: I completely understand how you feel and Cricket's answer was exactly what was in my heart.
Jen: Keep writing and pursuing your dream.
Baby Kildees hatched yesterday. Four perfect replicas of mom, fully feathered and all markings identical. Only about an inch high. They are out in the grass now with mom, eating away. The geese took their first short flight this morning around 6:30am. Not so good on the landings, (some here-some there) but parents gathered them all up and all is well.
For the past two days my dad has been experiencing more right side weakness. Yesterday I was wondering if he would even be with us much longer. He is better this morning, but I just have a feeling that something is coming. Of course, something is coming because we are placing him. Maybe the anxiety I feel is about the placement. Feeling very sad.
Hugs to all, Cattails
Very well stated Bookworm.
Welcome Kiki. Listen to these caregivers because they know the story and we all have walked the walk. That makes a world of difference when you're sifting through advice.
tbailey! ya, vent and live. You're doing an amazing job! Hope your husband has quit his bs.
Cattails! I cried my eyes out. That was so good.
Cuz! How is D? thanks as always for giving us jokes. You are an angel.
Flex! You have come so far and are doing so well. You know that feeling sad about what our parents have become is a part of the grieving process. We are constantly living in a state of grief.
We grieve our lost lives while we grieve our parents and their challenges. We grieve constantly and that is why the depression rate for caregivers is so high.
Flex you are amazing. One foot in front of the other. Repeat.
Jen! Been following with great interest the paths that you are looking into to express yourself. Ya go for it big time. No one can tell you what to write you just do it and the words show up. There will be an audience for you and you will be so fulfilled that you actually may go a few hours without thinking about FP and the insanity in which you live.
Have you Frisbeed the Hawaiian records yet? hahahahahaha
Love you Jen.
Cricket! you are so sweet and I hope you guys have fun on your info quest. You have all my respect for doing that.
I hope that all are doing well and I am also worried about Deef! DEEF!
Check in stuff and let us know...
Linda! love you sis.
JudymW! how's it going?
Was going to write more but they are pulling me out of the wet slip so I have to kill the power to the boat.
More later and love you guys more than you know.
lovbob
Their illnesses will progressively get worse. You and sis will need to think ahead in the nearby future. I think you have an idea on what's ahead if you have been reading on this site. If your other family is not helping you now, they will definitely not be helping you later -when you will really, really be needing 24-hour care for your parents. Take care!
Going to the bank to put more of DDDDaddies money in his account mean while I got a new bra and em ecstatic, wow new clothes smell. amazing...
Making a cake for moms b day....God please let the day go OK some how...Idiot actually asked her if she wanted to Go Out for dinner on her birthday?...Yes, and have you choke your guts up, take your teeth out at the table and clean them with your fingers and crab about everything.. that sounds about as birthday fun as stomach flu.
have as good a week as you can everyone same here....
I was in the Hamlin Pub on Saturday night. Had a few drinks and I noticed two very large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland ?"
One of them turned to me and screamed, "It's WALES, you IDIOT!!"
So, I immediately apologized, and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"
That's all I remember ...
DIANE Im so glad you feel better... I read your first post last night and boy good night sleep you needed I got to listen to Joel on tv that will b my church today...But Diane thanks to my girls on here I had soooo much anger that when I brought MIL home they all said they would help now my BIL single dad of 3 busy man is the only one when he can.... I had so much anger but after cattails advice and many others on here trust us look at it like this She is mine god has put me and her here and I will wake up every day to take care of us (YOU TOO) and they all can go too hell.... I have one sil sent a card the other day I LOVE YOU MOTHER PLEASE CALL ME!!!!!! her mother that has alzheimers could of cared less she even tried to give it to me and said it was my bday card from that sister lol but see looks like she going crazy (her girl feels me in) she dont have moms money so there BRoke and she is a mess and being mean to her 2 girls and even took a 9 year old grandaughters bday presents back because litle girl didnt come on july 4th when invited her bday wasnt till 7th anyway see siblings will get there own and gods girl please read also honey have you asked for help maybe if you ask sil's they would but they prob. arent going to volunteer.
ok catt you had me crying that was so sweet what you wrote ......
Igore i could use you my husband is starting business and boy I go to help ship and he is so busy its crazy just trying to stay on top....
thank you meanwhile...IM trying to take care all we can do...love u all TRACY
Mom let me have a full nights sleep. The good Lord must have known I was at a breaking point last night. Bookworm and Cat, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Cat, can you use that 2 x 4 on my sister? She lives in Seattle...lol
Since my attempted suicide in May there are two emotions I can't seem to release. One is the overall sadness or heavy heart that I feel all the time. I miss my family that used to be. I miss my mom that used to be. I miss my life I used to have. I'm still grieving all these losses. The other emotion is anger. I'm angry for all the losses and the struggles I'm going through.
Bookworm, you are right that I need to stop expecting my sibs to help. They talk a lot of bull but never come through.
Cat, as for the house it is free and clear and in a revocable trust. Upon my mothers passing the house is mine since the sibs all have their own homes. With the house being in a revocable trust I cannot get any type of loan. If mom would give me the house (which she can do without medicaid or tax penalty) I could apply for a loan. Unfortunately mom sees this as her security blanket and will not sign it over since she no longer trusts any of her children (because of sibs and grands actions). I understand her hesitence to sign over the house.
I'm going to go to church this morning and maybe this will calm my tormented spirit and help me find solace.
Godsgirl, I don't think I've seen you post on the GO thread before. Welcome to an amazing group of people! Igore, I'm so happy to have you back. I agree about the electricity. I don't know what I would do about mom if the power went out! Austin, good to have you back. I was worried that your absence was due to the power outages from the storms. Anyone heard from Deefer?
Let me go check on mom and try get myself showered and dressed for church. In the meantime, enjoy my new picture and have a good laugh over the visual of how we feel. I just couldn't resist when I saw it lastnight.
Have a good Sunday all!
Love ya,
Diane
My sweet hubby does more for my mom than any of my worthless brothers. And I also think the daughter-in-laws could step up to the plate and offer assistance and spend time with their husbands mother! But, no they are too too busy
Now, you can vent all you want, but if you start talking that suicide shit I'm going to have to smack you upside the head with and big fat f***king 2x4. You just stop that shit right now.
Tell us how you came to understand how to get your mom a medicaid bed without a long wait period. Wait, Wait....my brain cells are starting to coagulate. She has to be a paying patient and then can go to Medicaid without the wait list. Your brother won't pay and your sister has not responded.
Diane, how much would is cost monthly and how long does she have to be there to get moved to residential status with Medicaid? I asked you before if you would be able to get the house free and clear. Is there a current mortgage on your moms home? Is it possible that you and your mom could get a loan against the house to cover the cost of putting her in a nursing home for a few months?
As you mentioned before, you are your mom's POA and Medicaid can't take the house from you because of all the years you have cared for your mom while living in the house. I don't know if the house if free and clear, but if it is, could you cover the cost of a small mortgage. Maybe $24,000.00 to cover a few months of nursing home care so she can go quickly to Medicaid? You could start the process the day she moves in.
Does this make any sense to you. I don't know all your financial circumstances, but it would be amazing if it is possible to do what is needed without consulting your idiot siblings.
Diane, I am so sorry that you feel the loss of your siblings (family), but we are your family too and we love you. B/F loves you and as crazy as your mom is these days, she loves you too and if she could tell you, she would say, "Diane, my beautiful and loving daughter, thank you for doing all you could for me. I love you with all my heart and soul. Now you take care of yourself and you make sure you visit me. You have always been there for me and I want to be there for you too, but I can't do it physically and I can't find the words to direct you to your new future. If I could I would say that I want you to carry on and find peace and love in your life. Love is so important and you have given that to me. I am so grateful because I know it hasn't been easy for you. Don't feel badly about your brother and sister. They don't have the empathy that you have and they will never be like you. My greatest sadness is leaving you alone. I know you love your family, but I want you to love yourself more; like you loved me. Now, my precious daughter, you figure out how to do what needs to be done and you take every moment from now on to enjoy the life you have; a life that came from my body and one that I cherish with all my heart and soul. I love you, my darling daughter. Please, for me and my love for you, take care of yourself and live your life to the fullest extent. You are my angel. Love, Mom."
Cattails
First of all, I LOVE your new photo. Although you were stressing and venting, I started to laugh. It's so, so...vivid..it reflects how YOU are feeling right now. Actually, how Most of Us feel!!
Second, I think that no matter how close we come to committing suicide, have therapy and medications, deep down, we will always long for it as long as we continue with whatever stress we're handling and we have reached our ultimate limit...or what we Think is the ultimate limit...until Another Worse situation occurs! I have constantly had suicidal thoughts since a child. It's something I'm used to. I only did a thread on this site when I knew that I was no longer thinking of it but actually was planning to do it. I'm back to my normal self, and no longer thinking of Doing It.
Third, I found it Very Helpful to Stop Expecting my siblings to help me with the parents. When I kept asking, begging, threatening to leave or suicide...Nothing Happened. Which then in turn, made me more angry, more bitter, more depress and more suicidal. It was this site where several people mentioned that I need to Accept the siblings Right Not To Help with Parents. By accepting it, I no longer stress as much from expecting and then being disappointed. Now, I concentrate on how to deal with the Now. And there's a lot of smart people on this site who gives Much Much Better Advice than my family ever could! And yes, YOU were one of those! (I have you noted down on my Words of Empowerment.)
4. My siblings said, "Tell us how much it would cost for a caregiver. We will pay our portion." I call around, got rates ($10/hour), calculated the cost and emailed to each siblings who are Not Helping. 3 did not respond. When I decided to withdraw from the fam for my sanity, I also stopped sending email updates. Sorry, action speaks louder than words. When push came to shove, they did not act upon their words. Therefore, I decided that since they really don't care to help, there's no need to update them on parents and my sanity.
You know for those who said that they are struggling financially? It just makes me mad that they're still able to TRAVEL. They try not to tell me this but one sibling would accidentally let the cat out of the bag. Ohh...so sis and hubby went to Las Vegas Again? etc.....So, I know how you feel. Go on vent!
By the way, if Medicaid is the same as here, you will have to do this every year - renewal, or something? I see at clinics the notice that it is the patient's responsibility to renew (??) their medicaid. So, you might as well learn the ropes now because it sounds like a tedious yearly procedure that you may end up having to do! Hugs and more HUGS!!! Love that picture!!! ;)
I have never been so thankful to have electricity. A lot of folks in this region still don't. The heat is unfreaking believable. Today we stay holed up in the house because nothing was worth going out in this heat for. If our electric were off I don't know what I would have done with Mom. I don't think she would be able to take .
Growing up we did not have air conditioning until I was about 11. Mom had won a window unit in a drawing. It was huge as far as window units go. Dad put that sucker in and it cooled our end of the house like a meat locker and but the other end of the house was very comfortable.
Anyways, I digress. Besides the heat, it seems my family is having our bout with health issues. First me bleeding out about three weeks ago (stomach ulcer), then my oldest brother having a heart attack this week, follow by my other brother getting the shingles.
I guess I need to start paying attention to my risk factors. I know things are changing for me. I have to have glasses to read, my endurance is nowhere near what it was awhile back, I don't feel depressed but I don't feel great. Thats good I suppose. Not a lot of mood swings that way.
I started a new job about six weeks ago. I really like it. Basically I have been given a small plant to manage. I am no genuis by any stretch but, the thing is the plant was so badly managed before that anything I do is an improvement.
I am glad that for now there has been peace around the castle. I hope it can last.
Peace to all you folks taking care of business,
~Igore.
When I
was younger I hated going to weddings.
It seemed that all of my aunts and
the grandmotherly types used to come up
to me, poke me in the ribs and
cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'..
They stopped that shit after I
started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:
"Hello!
It has to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital."
I know I am stressed today even without mom pushing all my buttons tonight. I sent an email to my brother and sister explaining how mom would get a Mediciad bed without being on a 2 or 3 year waitlist. So far my stupid sister has not answered me, but my brother has informed me he cannot do anything financially to help mom. Why do they feel they have the option to step back and ignore mom and I'm left to "handle it" all? I'm feeling pissed and trapped. I can see I'm going to get stuck caring for mom with no help from the sibs for another 2 or 3 years. I'm actually pissed off that I didn't succeed in killing myself back in May. What is the purpose of all this shit I'm going through? All I've gotten so far is hate, criticism and abandonment from my family. Where is this freakin "joy of caregiving" the experts keep talking about?
I'm sorry guys but I just had to blow off some steam.
Tbailey, glad you're feeling better, take care of yourself.
Welcome Pat, take care of yourself too.
I guess that goes for all of us.
oh dont apologize catails heck i could be bipolor I dont know i know im crazy emotional hormonal mess sometimes & you know I had the strongest mother she was wonderful I think i took after my dad sometimes lol .....