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Totally Judy...from an venting cousin to fart pants playing the HAWAIIAN RECORD AGAIN to my brothers ancient seamen stains on the ceiling, showing through the PAINT after thirty years!!!! Yes, I now sleep in the spot he molested me decades ago...I now understand why people want NEW houses to move into...I just broke my last pair of flip flops, I admit they lasted a whole year, the matching pair lasted three....But today really was a suck burger deluxe for me....Hoping something better next week. or well at least it won't be THIS week again right?...or is it now that I think of it? These weeks just spin buy, nothing ever changes but it feels more onerous it weighs down on you more... Yes, I feel so ashamed of my self..NOT!
Cat, I've been trying to remember to call the geriatric psychiatrist each day to ask about the Paxil since you mentioned it. I had researched online about anxiety and dementia and it too recommended Paxil. It's reassuring to know Deef's mom had better results with it too.
Nolansk, you are overwhelmed dear! I know everyone says that it's the dementia making our parents like they are, but it sure feels like they are yanking our chains most of the time. If there is any way you can get a break, try take it. Do something nice for yourself where mom can't suck the joy out.
I'm cheating tonight and ordering dinner. Let me go pick it up and get all of us fed.
Ya, I know, Jen... I shouldn't have let her bother me either, but man, I was so irritated. I'm having one of those generally pissed off and depressed days today and that "shame on you" crap just put me over the edge. UGH!!! Loved Bobbie's comment about sawing and getting reaped. Holy crap. Too funny.
Ya know, It doesn't even get me any more...It just doesn't...
And I understand why she says it...
But how does she KNOW what any of our parents (grandparent) went through with us, or did for us or to us or didn't. It is a knee jerk reaction, she sees herself there, having her butt wiped and feels it would somehow be worse if the person doing it,wasn't enjoying themselves.
For those happy to repay a loving "debt" to a loving parent, peace. For those just slogging through it to do it, the same peace....There is a lot in life we have to do or choose to do that isn't necessarily what we want to do....What the hell does it matter. You have to make your choices and try to live with them.
Me, I hate my perverted grandfather, and yes he was sicko before, he isn't "out of it" but I do what I have to in my situation. if I am ashamed of anything, I am ashamed I am not strong enough to tell him he is a fucking pervert and to leave me alone. And my mother, would blame me, too much back story here but thank you for the anger support, it means a lot to me...
Mame, that must had been awesome to see him live performing. 72 degree, I am so jealouse, sitting here n already 95! Hot, hot, hot.
Jsomebody, I actually use the water hose n just soaked the crap out of my hair n head for it was soooooooooo freaking hot. Sorry your r having such a hard time n try to remember grandfather is not in his right mind or maybe he is just a old farty pant perv. On the otherhand, I bet the water felt great in the sprinkler. I hope it made you feel like a little kid at least for just for a while or at least a mind break for you. Breathe n smell the fresh air outside. ; ) Cattail, all I can say is, "u little devil you." I hope everyone tries to stay as cool as possible during this hot weather n it is not even August.
Well, speaking of my Dad doing nice things - They were out someplace while I was typing my last post and they came home just as I posted my comment. My Dad walked back to my room and gave me a brand new ice tea maker, and a little sign with a decorative shovel, the sign said Flowers are like chips - you can't have just one. That is just so nice. Then he told me that he was the one that threw out the flowers. So now I feel like a total idiot, because I bitched about it. He said he'd buy me some more.
THEN My Mom started up. Yesterday she had a fit because she could not find her hair brush (she's been using the same brush for as long as I can remember, seriously, it's from Fuller Brush) anyway, I went into the BR, cleaned off the sink and then turned around opened the closet door, and on the top shelf was her brush. Today, it's gone again, and she is accusing me of taking it as usual.I ignored her. I'm not going to get upset about things like this, it is part of her disease process. It will turn up again someplace.
Anyway, I feel a little better now, and now I'm going to re-pot some orchids.
Well, Sue, I just looked at a map. I'll be in Glen Mills next week. Thought if you were close, we could meet up and I could give you a giant hug, but it looks like we'll have about 150 miles between us and a cup of coffee and a hug! UGH! I feel for you. Can't imagine losing my husband and my house and then dealing with a negative mother in the same house. Must hurt to have your son keep his distance - a hug from him would be nice. I don't have any advice. I wish I did. Your dad sounds like a sweetheart. I just wanted you to know that your comment touched me.
It's been a couple of days since I dropped by, but today I'm totally upset and sitting here in tears. It seems like such a little thing, and i know things are only going to get worse. But this morning my mom took a dozen fresh carnations that my Dad brought home and ask me to arrange a couple of days ago and pitched them. They hadn't even started to fade. I guess this is just what put me over the top.
Anything she can do to upset me, she will do. Her favorite thing is to throw things into my room. I know my room is a wreck, I haven't done my own laundry for 2 months. I cook and clean and try to make sure the rest of the house is in good shape and by the time I get all that done I'm too tired to do my own stuff. My only outlet right now are my flower beds, but as usual, she tries to ruin that as well. Planting gourds, squash and eggplant right over my bedding plants (I got all but 3 of them pulled before she noticed that they had come up). I'm just upset that she took a beautiful arrangement and pitched it for no reason.
I went to the Doctor on my own last week and spoke to him about my mom and he prescribed Resperida, 1 MG per dayl. I'm not seeing any difference in her behavior. She is already taking Aricept 5 MG once per day and Buspar 15 MG per day. The family Doc is the one who is treating her, he is a geriatric Dr. I can deal with things that she cannot help, and health problems that I know will not go away, but this is just something to hurt me because my Dad brought them to me and asked me to arrange them. (I took horticulture in high school) so I'm a trained florist and landscaper. I plant really pretty gardens, some for outside show, and others with cutting flowers for arrangements inside.
I understand all this mental stuff, I just hate being abused and poked at (mentally) with the person knowing that they are doing it. I guess I'm having a delicate day. I know my story is long, but I need to get it out someplace. See, I had an abusive husband. Not physically for the most part. When he got physical I put him in jail. We were married for 33 yrs before he died in 2005, and I have three beautiful children. So now, since my home burned in 2003, I've got nothing, and moved back in with my parents to help them and me too. But now it has become a matter of necessity that I stay here because of my Mother's condition, and concern for my Dad because I'm starting to see a decline in him as well. Mom is 82 and Dad is 80.
Anyway, I'm really sensitive to mental abuse anymore because I lived with it for so many years. Sometimes I think I married my husband to get away from my Mother. Now I'm back with my Mother and Father. My Mother was always abusive toward me when I was young, but was not abusive to my siblings, 3 of them. Don't get me wrong here. I love my mom very much, and yes, I get upset, sometimes overly so,but I get over it and move on. I have no friends, no place to vent my feelings but here. I'm just so tired. I do what I'm asked and more. My son lives with us, and he does the heavy work that none of the rest of us can do. My Mom angered him enough that even if he gets off work in time to eat dinner with us, he will not come home. I just feel like everything is so jumbled, and that I'm just a target for my mom to take aim and fire at. I'll get over it today sometime, I'm just hurting inside so bad right now. I miss my husband so badly, even though he could be really mean I loved him very much. Today is the 39th Anniv. of our meeting, so today is particularly sensitive. My Dad is always so nice and does nice stuff to try to help me. He put this computer on his credit because I needed a new one (I pay him back monthly). He does little things to try to help me feel better. Just writing this is helping some. I wish a live body would give me a hug. I don't get those at all. I miss physical contact so much it is very painful. I know I'm wanted and appreciated, but just a hug would do so much to show it. Like I said, it is just a sensitive day. I'm saying Hi to everybody, and hope all of you out there are having a good day. Be well All - Sue
Obviously, Caring4Life, you don't do one iota of the "caring" that most caregivers do here. Do you wipe butts? Change diapers? Wipe poo off kitchen counters? Wake up 1000 times a night with a 90 year old infant? Maybe this is the 5th or 10th or 15th year of wiping a butt and waking up 1000 times a night? Don't compare our brief infancies with a decade of old age. You piss me off. Practice what you preach - COMPASSION, not judgement. And, I think you mean "what you SOW, you shall also reap". Most of these caregivers are truly saints on earth. Everyone can have bad days and justified resentment. Sheesh. Read the whole thread before you post such a useless comment.
I would never talk about anyone of my parents like that. I know that caregivers must vent, but give me a break. Your moms and dads for most of you took care of you...washed and cleaned your butt and only God knows what else. If it had not been for our parents, who defiantly don't want to be in the situation that has gotten them to this point would probably be ashamed of how you talk about them in a time such as this. There are so many people that wish they could wipe their moms or dads face after eating. Laugh with a joyful laugh, because their mom or dad did something that made them laugh, but you caught it and explained to your mom or dad that's not your brush. But here is your brush, now let me help you. You know what, “You all gross me out”! Grow up and stop being so selfish! You are blessed to still have your parent or parents around. Now, it’s your turn to help them out. By the way, you plan on getting older don’t you? What you saw, you shall also reap. I love my parents and I thank God they are still around. I am a caregiver with passion for elderly people. No matter who the elderly person is. Have Some Compassion for the life of others. Life is a blessing and everyone deserves to live life.
It's been a couple of days since I dropped by, but today I'm totally upset and sitting here in tears. It seems like such a little thing, and i know things are only going to get worse. But this morning my mom took a dozen fresh carnations that my Dad brought home and ask me to arrange a couple of days ago and pitched them. They hadn't even started to fade. I guess this is just what put me over the top.
Anything she can do to upset me, she will do. Her favorite thing is to throw things into my room. I know my room is a wreck, I haven't done my own laundry for 2 months. I cook and clean and try to make sure the rest of the house is in good shape and by the time I get all that done I'm too tired to do my own stuff. My only outlet right now are my flower beds, but
Hospice is going to drop me in two weeks, social worker to come by today to see about going from medicare to medicaid. A frail elder program? I can always try another hospice in a few weeks, there are others around here. Deef glad you have the pool going, hot again this weekend. I called my brother to see if he could help, he said he doesn't have time, deal with it myself. Those of you with good sibling relationships are lucky! It would make the whole think so much more pleasant. I also worry about being able to live here after mom passes, or if I had to put her in a NH. I'm glad to hear that caregivers cannot be put out of the house they have been doing years of caregiving in. If she had to go to a nH, I could live here , work, and try to carry on for a while. The weather is too nice to be in this "black hole", dammit! I'll catch up on posts and see what you all have been up to lately. Have a good one, ssk
Mame4Mon where do you live I went to school in Morrisville and trained in Cortland and worked in Syracuse and traveled around to visit classmates families like Green and Tully and Henreattia and other places -loved it upstate.
Diane: I feel very validated right now. Deef just said drop the ativan and put your mom on paxil. I said that a few posts ago. Gee, I feel good. Diane, if you are going to keep your mom home, really consider this suggestion. Paxil, morning and night. It will help her sleep and relieve her anxiety and it is an antidepressant. Please give it a try. Hugs, Cattails
I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.
Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER!
DO NOT cheat and scroll down to the movies. Do YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom
You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is
1. Pick a number from 1-9.
2. Multiply that number by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again.
5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:
Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind 2. E.T. 3. Blazing Saddles 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders of the Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubtfire
Okay, all caught up on posts. Had modem problems here for the past week, but everything seems to be okay now. Been busy with Mom and getting the pool opened and trying to figure out how to get enough $$ to pay bills!!! My RLS has been plaguing me more than usual, probably due to the extra stress of my husband's unemployment benefits coming to an end in 2 weeks! He is all set for SS and will get his first check on the 4th Wednesday of every month. Unfortunately, he thinks and acts like he is retired and he is not!!! He was laid off in Feb. of 2011 and has been collecting since. He seems to think we will be fine with the SS checks coming. He doesn't get the fact that one of us will need to get a part time job to pay for health insurance. COBRA reimbursement will carry us through September, then we need to get something else. In Mass., if you go even one month without health insurance, you get fined by the state at income tax time. That's something like $1000 for the 2 of us!!! He will not be 65 until Oct. of 2013 and I am turning 61 in August. For once I wish I was a year older, then I would be collecting SS too! My POA sister dragged her feet on getting $$ from mom's IRA, so we are scrambling for enough cash just to pay the basics. My husband, lazy man that he is, never gets involved with $ issues or bill paying. It has always fallen to me. The good thing is he never questions or argues over $$, but he also doesn't have to worry about it either. Just one more thing to turn the rest of my hair white!!! Had some really bad heat here last week, and as usual, I felt lousy with poop soup on those days. My body has never done well in really hot weather, so I was pretty tired and worn out for many days. Last few days have been showery and cool. That I love!!! Garden is doing well and the pool is great! Mame, sorry to hear about your cousin. Meanwhile and Jen, I'm with you on wildflowers! Cattails, my favorite birds here are cardinals. I have a nest in my lilac bush this year. they serenade me from morning until dark. Beautiful red birds! Judy, Hope you are feeling better! Sorry it's so hot there. I've been wishing we could get away to Rockport for a day. That's pretty close to your old stomping grounds. I have never been to Plymouth Plantation, but did I tell you that I used to work at Old Sturbridge Village? Having grown up in Mass., I'm sure you must have taken a school trip there as a kid! Angel, so proud of you and your test scores! Even better that you love what you are doing. Tbailey, It's a wild ride isn't it! Susan, Make up some new symptom for mom and get them to reevaluate her for services. Know what you mean about floating! I have a very comfy foam raft that I take short naps on while floating in the pool. The pool is only a 15' round and it's pretty old, but it still standing and the b est place to be for therapy. Linda!!!!! Bobbie!!!!! Boat time sounds so good right now. Someday!!! Diane, Don't let your brother get to you! The house cannot be taken from you as the lawyer said. We have the same law in this state and caregivers cannot be put out of the home they did years of care giving in. Have Mom sign the papers while she still can. tell her it will keep her from going into a NH. Her LTC will last longer if you keep her at home also. As for her meds, ativan put Mom over the top in the hospital. Took rehab a week to get her down off of the affects of it. She also took lexapro for a couple years and it never helped. She has been on Paxil for 2 years now and it really helped her depression right away. She also takes 2 zanax 3 times a day. I believe your mom has PD, right? That will only intensify her anxiety and the hallucinations just make things worse. If she is on PD meds, they can cause more issues too. I just had the neurologist take some of Mom's sinamet away. She is doing better and having less spells of gyrations, but she is also more allert and grew 5 more pairs of hands to get into trouble with!!! Call the lawyer and make sure things get taken care of by your mom before anyone else can influence her. I'm sure if she knows giving you the house will keep her at home, she will gladly oblige! I gave Mom a haircut last week and my husband one on the weekend. now I need to call my niece to buzz me! Used my sil's electric clippers on Mom and did the back and sides short. Now I just have to curl the top before daycare. as for mine, it gets clipped to about a half inch on the sides and back and maybe an inch on top. I no longer have the time to fuss with my hair and like it as simple as I cab get it. Cricket, sorry you were all sick! I have no tolerance for puking!!! Hey lildeb!
Okay, it's late and I'm in need of a good night's sleep, so I hope you are all well!
JEN: I"M RIGHT HEAR. I am hearing you and feeling all you are going through. Has it ever occurred to you to tell old FART PANTS what you think of him. You could do it when your mom wasn't around. Just harass the living hell out of him. Tell him what a sick pervert he is and how you detest him. Tell him how the world detests his pathetic need to survive and all the vile things he has done in his life. Tell him that he will burn in hell and that he deserves too. Tell him that he's not fooling anyone. People only want his money. Tell him with out his money he would be rotting in a facility. Tell him to be weary at night because you may just come into his room and put a f***ing plastic bag over his perverted head and then go happily back to bed after he dies. Do it when it's just him and you. No witnesses. Tell him to stop looking at you with his sick eyes or this with be the end of his pathetic life.
Read this fast because it's bound to be deleted. Love you, Cattails
Diane: It could be that your brother does not want to be filling in for the next 90 days while the Medicaid application goes forward. Tough shit for him. Call the attorney and ask for a clarification between what your brother heard and you heard. You hand in there and don't be bullied. You've got more at stake than anyone, your mom too. Just make sure that your understanding is correct.
Do not laugh at me! Or I kil you...pahahahaaaaa You hear the Jingle Bombs...wet myself over that one...
Pumpkins Ok late but plenty of sun and water PLENTY!
Glad the boat just got a bath Bobbie but not a flooding! we watched it on weather channel send that to Colorado!
Was feeling I was being judgemental over reacting then yes ...ponce again my skin is crawling and I want to die...Mom took him to go get replacement wheel chair arm rests...I AIR THE HOUSE. You know doors wide open any day light robbers really need to pick another house I have a baseball bat and am not afraid to use it! Hell I'll throw my cat on you! Anyhow they get back and I am playing in sprinkler and I don't care who knows it....she rolls him around to ramp and he stares at me, I am just standing there ringing out my hair and he is STARING AT ME ! I feel so sick I could barf. I am wearing a skirt as a dress a shapeless layered moo moo type dress Not hugging my un lovely body and he just keeps LOOKING AT ME I just pray for him to die and wait for them to go in and I go in dry off and go back to bed!
God when does this end?...I mean WHEN. Number two reason why elder care is NOT to be mistaken for child care...THERE IS NOT GUARANTEE OF AN EXPIRATION DATE.! Your kid has phases of growth and developmental stages well mapped out, your perverted elderly grandfather could reach a stage of devolution and stay in it FOR DECADES.!!!!!!
Number one being that the background is that a parent used to be your superior and have control and they never forget that...
Gah. I hope everyone is doing Ok where they are...
Deef, cattails, Christina?, DFlex, bobbie, Mame, lil, T B nice to hear from you.
As happy as I was yesterday I am dazed and confused today. My brother, my mother and I were at the attorney's office together. Even so my brother has understood something completely different than what was said. I just sent an email to him and my sister recapping the meeting. All I know at this moment is that I have POA for my mom unless they plan to take me to court. It is evident this split between my brother and his wife is taking its toll on him and he isn't functioning 100%. Lord, when will this freaking soap opera end!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello TO ALL Ive been feeling like I deserted you all I sign on and read some when Ive had time... Schools out & seems like my time just left..I Also was cleaning & painting My oldest daughter moved out & her room was just becoming a junk room so I fixed it up as a get away room for anyone... MY mil still driving me nuts lol her dementia is worsening the dr. upped her depression meds and alzheimers meds.. She hasnt changed my husband has been getting her up in wheelchair & taking her to shop with him and I go too... Glad to hear from you cattails!!!!!LOve u alll.... glad to get to check on diane to....
Diane: I am so very happy for you. You have accomplished so much in the past couple of months. It's been overwhelming for you, but one step at a time and now look where you are. You are a STAR!!
I have to ask, was your brother and his wife with you, listening to the attorney. I thought they were going too. Good for them to hear it from the horses mouth.
I hope your mom will sign the house over to you now. Maybe she will be more inclined to do so if she knows she that your efforts to get extra help for her allows her to stay home. Does that mean you don't have to buy it? I hope so. You've put so many years into taking care of mom and the home.
Bobbie: Glad you are ok. Loved the birthday water celebration. Good suggestions from you and Mame. Diane, don't get confused and burn the wrong thing.
Here's a thought: Take a piece of clothing that you have had for a long time. Maybe something you've saved for years that doesn't fit anymore, but you kept a hold of in the hope that it would fit again someday. Hand wash it is scented water and hang it in the sunshine to dry. Iron it perfectly and fold it gently. Put it in a plastic box with a bouquet of fresh herbs, Rosemary, Lavender, Mint, etc. and seal the lid. It's a blessing to you and your past with the fresh herbs being a sign of a new beginning.
Good morning all! What a difference a day makes. Tuesday morning, I had to wake mom up-unlike the day before when she was up at 6:15 ready to get going to the funeral that wasn't till Tues. She didn't want to get up. Didn't know who's funeral we were going to. Didn't know who Jane was. WOW! Was I surprised. Like you said Diane-no rhyme or reason this dementia! Even as we were leaving the house she was still asking where we were going. At the Church there were enough people there to talk to her and were happy she came that it really didn't matter if she knew why we were there! We were invited to the luncheon after and I really didn't think she would want to go-but she said, "I want to be where the kids are". So, we went. We had a good time. She was happy. She took a huge nap when we got home-so I did too! Now it all seems forgotten. But, she went, and it was all good and I have a nice memory even if it was a sad occasion. It was fun while it lasted and it will be interesting to see if it ever comes out in mom again! Thanks Cattails and Diane! Diane, I am so glad about your news with the Elder Law meeting! Sounds like things are moving along now! I love your idea about the Birthday ritual-and Bobbie-you are too funny! Birthday sex! We always celebrate Birthweek here so noone feels bad if they couldn't get to you or forgot to call or something. It does make it kinda nice. I love the water/rebirth idea. My idea is to burn something and maybe send it out into the water-saying goodbye to something from your past-especially good if it is a negative thing that you want to get rid of-a feeling or habit-or memory-and send it off into water and watch it drift away...You have had a hell of a year-so maybe there is something you are happy to get rid of! I guess you can do this anytime and isn't necessarily a birthday thing-but it was just a thought. Lildeb and Diane-I LOVE Jeff Dunham! Peanut is my favorite! My hubby found him years ago and has even seen him on stage Live! We will have to watch again-it has been a while! Happy all is well for you Bobbie! My bro flew down to the Panhandle yesterday after the funeral for a vacation. Hope it has all pushed through for you Floridians and vacationers!! Looked like the whole state was getting rained on! Hope it doesn't re-form out in the Atlantic and come up the east coast! I haven't watched any news today... Beautiful here in Central NY!!! 72 and sunny! My sister spent a lot of time with our cousin Jane. She was really sad yesterday. She looked at me and said, "Last night, I was thinking-what am I going to do now?" And then she said she was "like-DUH! Mom and Mame need me!" I told her I was so happy to hear that! She and one brother are very helpful...but it will be nice to have more of her!!! Hope you can all go smell fresh air or a flower for a moment today! Positive thoughts to you all! Mame
Debbie is gone from this area and the boat is wet but safe. We took about 15 inches of rain but not bad as far as wind is concerned. The water flooded the fixed docks last high tide overnight and is still right under them and low tide is in a couple hours. Since the main concern was flooding and not wind it worked out that I'm on a boat.
Congratulations Diane! Now that's tremendous news and I know everyone is going to be so relieved for you. I am proud of you because you have travelled a long, hard journey to get to this point and I understand why you want to do something unique for your 50th birthday.
How about extending it to a birthday week? That takes the pressure off for the 'day' to be perfect so if something unforeseen pops up there is no disappointment. That being said, the first thing that came to my mind was getting laid and if you want water involved how about a nice poke in the shower? You could always have a nice poke at the beach in water up to your neck as long as you don't get sand in your schlitz.
OK, so maybe I need to get laid and am trying to live vicariously through you haha. Whatever you choose, and I know that everyone here will have better suggestions than me, congratulations again and I hope you can relax into this new sense of security.
Love all you guys and am consistently impressed by how amazing you all are. lovbob
Yes, it looks like Debby is really reeking havoc in Florida. I hope Bobbie is safe on the Barbara B. I've been thinking of lots of friends and family in Florida and I hope all are safe.
I came home from the attorney and my b/f had cooked dinner! He is so sweet. So I fed mom and ate in between her bites. Then I took two tylenol and I'm feeling much better. We even have leftovers for tomorrow! Yay, no cooking when I get in from work.
The good news from the attorney is that mom does qualify for Medicaide in SC!!! We can either do a program where I get help for 40 hours a week or the NH route. The only thing with the NH route is that the one we like has a very long Medicaid waitlist. So if mom's LTC insurance will pay for 42 hours a week and Medicaid will pay for 40 hours a week for help, this may be doable. I would have 14 hours a day coverage Monday through Friday and still 6 hours on Saturday & Sunday. I would still be on my own through the night, but this would be a vast improvement to what I have now.
The other bit of good news is that mom can transfer the house into my name without a penalty from Medcaid because I have lived in the home caring for her more than 2 years. I've asked mom to think about transfering the house to me since I don't trust my brother and sister to start crap after mom passes. I'll let her think about this for a few days.
It will take about 90 days to get everything approved through Medicaid, but I finally feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!!!!!! The attorney also agrees that I do not need to resign as moms POA unless Mom wishes to make a change.
All I can say is the good Lord must have heard all those prayers you have said for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support.
Since y'all are such creative ladies (and gents), I need some suggestions about a "ritual" to do for my 50th birthday. The ritual is to represent acknowledgment of my regrets about not accomplishing some of the things I wanted at this point in life, but to celebrate where I am now and to look to the future with hope. I was thinking of something with water since I always view that as "rebirth" and also washing clean. Any ideas?
God, I feel so relieved from the news today I wish I could go out dancing and have a big old margarita!!!!!
Well, just found out by my sister n law that at one of the barns they rent stalls to keep their thoroughbreds has a huge ass sink hole. The good part is that no horses were turned out into the field. The bad part is it right by the exercise track n its going to take about 6 dump trucks n some to fill it up. At least everyone is okay. However, hurricane Debby is still going in Fl. Everyone say a prayer n help those neighbors who may be next to you that need help.
Hi Crew, It was a good appointment with the elder care attorney today. I've got a splitting headache so I will fill you in a little later tonight. Thanks again for the prayers and encouragement.
Diane, You make a good point since hubby is home, I can sneak out the backyard n water n give my four-o-clocks some tlc. However, when he is a work I cannot be no-more than 10mint n she is asking,'Debbie where u at?" Not wanting anything she just wanting to know 'where I'm at.' It drives me crazy when I am trying to use the bathroom. She gets around pretty good for herself except for cooking, cleaning, washing, making sure she don't put on the same dirty clothes after her once a wk bath. Can your boyfriend keep an eye on her while you tend to your yard or maybe all three of yall can go out there? I do get the mnl to help chuck pears from the backyard where the squirrels take a bite n it drops. We even try to smash them by throwing at the huge oak tree. That way the birds can have some too. I guess we won't be getting any.
Cattail, their is nothing better than fresh veggies. yum. yum. What r we having for supper?
Austin, I think a lot of us on the weather had just skip over spring n jump right into summer too. It's been so hot that it seems like August weather with all that hurrican Debby in Florida. I have family living in Ocala-Marion county n Williston. so far okay with them. All we can do is say a prayer for those in the other counties. Hot n windy here but at least we cab be thankful for no tornados.
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Yes, I feel so ashamed of my self..NOT!
Cat, I've been trying to remember to call the geriatric psychiatrist each day to ask about the Paxil since you mentioned it. I had researched online about anxiety and dementia and it too recommended Paxil. It's reassuring to know Deef's mom had better results with it too.
Nolansk, you are overwhelmed dear! I know everyone says that it's the dementia making our parents like they are, but it sure feels like they are yanking our chains most of the time. If there is any way you can get a break, try take it. Do something nice for yourself where mom can't suck the joy out.
I'm cheating tonight and ordering dinner. Let me go pick it up and get all of us fed.
Have a good night dear friends!
Ya know, It doesn't even get me any more...It just doesn't...
And I understand why she says it...
But how does she KNOW what any of our parents (grandparent) went through with us, or did for us or to us or didn't. It is a knee jerk reaction, she sees herself there, having her butt wiped and feels it would somehow be worse if the person doing it,wasn't enjoying themselves.
For those happy to repay a loving "debt" to a loving parent, peace. For those just slogging through it to do it, the same peace....There is a lot in life we have to do or choose to do that isn't necessarily what we want to do....What the hell does it matter. You have to make your choices and try to live with them.
Me, I hate my perverted grandfather, and yes he was sicko before, he isn't "out of it" but I do what I have to in my situation. if I am ashamed of anything, I am ashamed I am not strong enough to tell him he is a fucking pervert and to leave me alone. And my mother, would blame me, too much back story here but thank you for the anger support, it means a lot to me...
Shame on me? oh puhlease lady, LIVE THIS!
Mame, that must had been awesome to see him live performing. 72 degree, I am so jealouse, sitting here n already 95! Hot, hot, hot.
Jsomebody, I actually use the water hose n just soaked the crap out of my hair n head for it was soooooooooo freaking hot. Sorry your r having such a hard time n try to remember grandfather is not in his right mind or maybe he is just a old farty pant perv. On the otherhand, I bet the water felt great in the sprinkler. I hope it made you feel like a little kid at least for just for a while or at least a mind break for you. Breathe n smell the fresh air outside. ; )
Cattail, all I can say is, "u little devil you."
I hope everyone tries to stay as cool as possible during this hot weather n it is not even August.
I guess it was the way I was bending over while sawing.
Love you Sue, stay as strong as you can. I don't know how you do it with both parents. We are here. Vent and Live!
Caring4... Don't be a Hater. You're clueless.
lovbob
THEN My Mom started up. Yesterday she had a fit because she could not find her hair brush (she's been using the same brush for as long as I can remember, seriously, it's from Fuller Brush) anyway, I went into the BR, cleaned off the sink and then turned around opened the closet door, and on the top shelf was her brush. Today, it's gone again, and she is accusing me of taking it as usual.I ignored her. I'm not going to get upset about things like this, it is part of her disease process. It will turn up again someplace.
Anyway, I feel a little better now, and now I'm going to re-pot some orchids.
Be Well All - Sue
Anything she can do to upset me, she will do. Her favorite thing is to throw things into my room. I know my room is a wreck, I haven't done my own laundry for 2 months. I cook and clean and try to make sure the rest of the house is in good shape and by the time I get all that done I'm too tired to do my own stuff. My only outlet right now are my flower beds, but as usual, she tries to ruin that as well. Planting gourds, squash and eggplant right over my bedding plants (I got all but 3 of them pulled before she noticed that they had come up). I'm just upset that she took a beautiful arrangement and pitched it for no reason.
I went to the Doctor on my own last week and spoke to him about my mom and he prescribed Resperida, 1 MG per dayl. I'm not seeing any difference in her behavior. She is already taking Aricept 5 MG once per day and Buspar 15 MG per day. The family Doc is the one who is treating her, he is a geriatric Dr. I can deal with things that she cannot help, and health problems that I know will not go away, but this is just something to hurt me because my Dad brought them to me and asked me to arrange them. (I took horticulture in high school) so I'm a trained florist and landscaper. I plant really pretty gardens, some for outside show, and others with cutting flowers for arrangements inside.
I understand all this mental stuff, I just hate being abused and poked at (mentally) with the person knowing that they are doing it. I guess I'm having a delicate day. I know my story is long, but I need to get it out someplace. See, I had an abusive husband. Not physically for the most part. When he got physical I put him in jail. We were married for 33 yrs before he died in 2005, and I have three beautiful children. So now, since my home burned in 2003, I've got nothing, and moved back in with my parents to help them and me too. But now it has become a matter of necessity that I stay here because of my Mother's condition, and concern for my Dad because I'm starting to see a decline in him as well. Mom is 82 and Dad is 80.
Anyway, I'm really sensitive to mental abuse anymore because I lived with it for so many years. Sometimes I think I married my husband to get away from my Mother. Now I'm back with my Mother and Father. My Mother was always abusive toward me when I was young, but was not abusive to my siblings, 3 of them. Don't get me wrong here. I love my mom very much, and yes, I get upset, sometimes overly so,but I get over it and move on. I have no friends, no place to vent my feelings but here. I'm just so tired. I do what I'm asked and more. My son lives with us, and he does the heavy work that none of the rest of us can do. My Mom angered him enough that even if he gets off work in time to eat dinner with us, he will not come home. I just feel like everything is so jumbled, and that I'm just a target for my mom to take aim and fire at. I'll get over it today sometime, I'm just hurting inside so bad right now. I miss my husband so badly, even though he could be really mean I loved him very much. Today is the 39th Anniv. of our meeting, so today is particularly sensitive. My Dad is always so nice and does nice stuff to try to help me. He put this computer on his credit because I needed a new one (I pay him back monthly). He does little things to try to help me feel better. Just writing this is helping some. I wish a live body would give me a hug. I don't get those at all. I miss physical contact so much it is very painful. I know I'm wanted and appreciated, but just a hug would do so much to show it. Like I said, it is just a sensitive day. I'm saying Hi to everybody, and hope all of you out there are having a good day. Be well All - Sue
Anything she can do to upset me, she will do. Her favorite thing is to throw things into my room. I know my room is a wreck, I haven't done my own laundry for 2 months. I cook and clean and try to make sure the rest of the house is in good shape and by the time I get all that done I'm too tired to do my own stuff. My only outlet right now are my flower beds, but
Deef glad you have the pool going, hot again this weekend. I called my brother to see if he could help, he said he doesn't have time, deal with it myself. Those of you with good sibling relationships are lucky! It would make the whole think so much more pleasant.
I also worry about being able to live here after mom passes, or if I had to put her in a NH. I'm glad to hear that caregivers cannot be put out of the house they have been doing years of caregiving in. If she had to go to a nH, I could live here , work, and try to carry on for a while. The weather is too nice to be in this "black hole", dammit! I'll catch up on posts and see what you all have been up to lately.
Have a good one, ssk
I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally
on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.
Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite
movie EVER!
DO NOT cheat and scroll down to the movies. Do YOUR math, THEN
compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom
You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is
1. Pick a number from 1-9.
2. Multiply that number by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again.
5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits
together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:
Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
Now, isn't that something?
YOU NUMBER WAS NINE
Had modem problems here for the past week, but everything seems to be okay now.
Been busy with Mom and getting the pool opened and trying to figure out how to get enough $$ to pay bills!!!
My RLS has been plaguing me more than usual, probably due to the extra stress of my husband's unemployment benefits coming to an end in 2 weeks! He is all set for SS and will get his first check on the 4th Wednesday of every month. Unfortunately, he thinks and acts like he is retired and he is not!!! He was laid off in Feb. of 2011 and has been collecting since. He seems to think we will be fine with the SS checks coming. He doesn't get the fact that one of us will need to get a part time job to pay for health insurance. COBRA reimbursement will carry us through September, then we need to get something else. In Mass., if you go even one month without health insurance, you get fined by the state at income tax time. That's something like $1000 for the 2 of us!!! He will not be 65 until Oct. of 2013 and I am turning 61 in August. For once I wish I was a year older, then I would be collecting SS too!
My POA sister dragged her feet on getting $$ from mom's IRA, so we are scrambling for enough cash just to pay the basics. My husband, lazy man that he is, never gets involved with $ issues or bill paying. It has always fallen to me. The good thing is he never questions or argues over $$, but he also doesn't have to worry about it either. Just one more thing to turn the rest of my hair white!!!
Had some really bad heat here last week, and as usual, I felt lousy with poop soup on those days. My body has never done well in really hot weather, so I was pretty tired and worn out for many days. Last few days have been showery and cool. That I love!!! Garden is doing well and the pool is great!
Mame, sorry to hear about your cousin.
Meanwhile and Jen, I'm with you on wildflowers!
Cattails, my favorite birds here are cardinals. I have a nest in my lilac bush this year. they serenade me from morning until dark. Beautiful red birds!
Judy, Hope you are feeling better! Sorry it's so hot there. I've been wishing we could get away to Rockport for a day. That's pretty close to your old stomping grounds. I have never been to Plymouth Plantation, but did I tell you that I used to work at Old Sturbridge Village? Having grown up in Mass., I'm sure you must have taken a school trip there as a kid!
Angel, so proud of you and your test scores! Even better that you love what you are doing.
Tbailey, It's a wild ride isn't it!
Susan, Make up some new symptom for mom and get them to reevaluate her for services. Know what you mean about floating! I have a very comfy foam raft that I take short naps on while floating in the pool. The pool is only a 15' round and it's pretty old, but it still standing and the b est place to be for therapy.
Linda!!!!! Bobbie!!!!! Boat time sounds so good right now. Someday!!!
Diane, Don't let your brother get to you! The house cannot be taken from you as the lawyer said. We have the same law in this state and caregivers cannot be put out of the home they did years of care giving in. Have Mom sign the papers while she still can. tell her it will keep her from going into a NH. Her LTC will last longer if you keep her at home also. As for her meds, ativan put Mom over the top in the hospital. Took rehab a week to get her down off of the affects of it. She also took lexapro for a couple years and it never helped. She has been on Paxil for 2 years now and it really helped her depression right away. She also takes 2 zanax 3 times a day. I believe your mom has PD, right? That will only intensify her anxiety and the hallucinations just make things worse. If she is on PD meds, they can cause more issues too. I just had the neurologist take some of Mom's sinamet away. She is doing better and having less spells of gyrations, but she is also more allert and grew 5 more pairs of hands to get into trouble with!!! Call the lawyer and make sure things get taken care of by your mom before anyone else can influence her. I'm sure if she knows giving you the house will keep her at home, she will gladly oblige!
I gave Mom a haircut last week and my husband one on the weekend. now I need to call my niece to buzz me! Used my sil's electric clippers on Mom and did the back and sides short. Now I just have to curl the top before daycare. as for mine, it gets clipped to about a half inch on the sides and back and maybe an inch on top. I no longer have the time to fuss with my hair and like it as simple as I cab get it.
Cricket, sorry you were all sick! I have no tolerance for puking!!!
Hey lildeb!
Okay, it's late and I'm in need of a good night's sleep, so I hope you are all well!
Read this fast because it's bound to be deleted. Love you, Cattails
Sending you love and love and love, Cattails
Do not laugh at me! Or I kil you...pahahahaaaaa You hear the Jingle Bombs...wet myself over that one...
Pumpkins Ok late but plenty of sun and water PLENTY!
Glad the boat just got a bath Bobbie but not a flooding! we watched it on weather channel send that to Colorado!
Was feeling I was being judgemental over reacting then yes ...ponce again my skin is crawling and I want to die...Mom took him to go get replacement wheel chair arm rests...I AIR THE HOUSE. You know doors wide open any day light robbers really need to pick another house I have a baseball bat and am not afraid to use it! Hell I'll throw my cat on you! Anyhow they get back and I am playing in sprinkler and I don't care who knows it....she rolls him around to ramp and he stares at me, I am just standing there ringing out my hair and he is STARING AT ME ! I feel so sick I could barf. I am wearing a skirt as a dress a shapeless layered moo moo type dress Not hugging my un lovely body and he just keeps LOOKING AT ME I just pray for him to die and wait for them to go in and I go in dry off and go back to bed!
God when does this end?...I mean WHEN. Number two reason why elder care is NOT to be mistaken for child care...THERE IS NOT GUARANTEE OF AN EXPIRATION DATE.! Your kid has phases of growth and developmental stages well mapped out, your perverted elderly grandfather could reach a stage of devolution and stay in it FOR DECADES.!!!!!!
Number one being that the background is that a parent used to be your superior and have control and they never forget that...
Gah. I hope everyone is doing Ok where they are...
Deef, cattails, Christina?, DFlex, bobbie, Mame, lil, T B nice to hear from you.
Better rest of week all....
As happy as I was yesterday I am dazed and confused today. My brother, my mother and I were at the attorney's office together. Even so my brother has understood something completely different than what was said. I just sent an email to him and my sister recapping the meeting. All I know at this moment is that I have POA for my mom unless they plan to take me to court. It is evident this split between my brother and his wife is taking its toll on him and he isn't functioning 100%. Lord, when will this freaking soap opera end!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to ask, was your brother and his wife with you, listening to the attorney. I thought they were going too. Good for them to hear it from the horses mouth.
I hope your mom will sign the house over to you now. Maybe she will be more inclined to do so if she knows she that your efforts to get extra help for her allows her to stay home. Does that mean you don't have to buy it? I hope so. You've put so many years into taking care of mom and the home.
Bobbie: Glad you are ok. Loved the birthday water celebration. Good suggestions from you and Mame. Diane, don't get confused and burn the wrong thing.
Here's a thought: Take a piece of clothing that you have had for a long time. Maybe something you've saved for years that doesn't fit anymore, but you kept a hold of in the hope that it would fit again someday. Hand wash it is scented water and hang it in the sunshine to dry. Iron it perfectly and fold it gently. Put it in a plastic box with a bouquet of fresh herbs, Rosemary, Lavender, Mint, etc. and seal the lid. It's a blessing to you and your past with the fresh herbs being a sign of a new beginning.
Love to all, Cattails
What a difference a day makes. Tuesday morning, I had to wake mom up-unlike the day before when she was up at 6:15 ready to get going to the funeral that wasn't till Tues. She didn't want to get up. Didn't know who's funeral we were going to. Didn't know who Jane was. WOW! Was I surprised. Like you said Diane-no rhyme or reason this dementia! Even as we were leaving the house she was still asking where we were going. At the Church there were enough people there to talk to her and were happy she came that it really didn't matter if she knew why we were there! We were invited to the luncheon after and I really didn't think she would want to go-but she said, "I want to be where the kids are". So, we went. We had a good time. She was happy. She took a huge nap when we got home-so I did too! Now it all seems forgotten. But, she went, and it was all good and I have a nice memory even if it was a sad occasion. It was fun while it lasted and it will be interesting to see if it ever comes out in mom again! Thanks Cattails and Diane!
Diane, I am so glad about your news with the Elder Law meeting! Sounds like things are moving along now! I love your idea about the Birthday ritual-and Bobbie-you are too funny! Birthday sex! We always celebrate Birthweek here so noone feels bad if they couldn't get to you or forgot to call or something. It does make it kinda nice. I love the water/rebirth idea. My idea is to burn something and maybe send it out into the water-saying goodbye to something from your past-especially good if it is a negative thing that you want to get rid of-a feeling or habit-or memory-and send it off into water and watch it drift away...You have had a hell of a year-so maybe there is something you are happy to get rid of! I guess you can do this anytime and isn't necessarily a birthday thing-but it was just a thought.
Lildeb and Diane-I LOVE Jeff Dunham! Peanut is my favorite! My hubby found him years ago and has even seen him on stage Live! We will have to watch again-it has been a while!
Happy all is well for you Bobbie! My bro flew down to the Panhandle yesterday after the funeral for a vacation. Hope it has all pushed through for you Floridians and vacationers!! Looked like the whole state was getting rained on! Hope it doesn't re-form out in the Atlantic and come up the east coast! I haven't watched any news today... Beautiful here in Central NY!!! 72 and sunny!
My sister spent a lot of time with our cousin Jane. She was really sad yesterday. She looked at me and said, "Last night, I was thinking-what am I going to do now?" And then she said she was "like-DUH! Mom and Mame need me!" I told her I was so happy to hear that! She and one brother are very helpful...but it will be nice to have more of her!!!
Hope you can all go smell fresh air or a flower for a moment today! Positive thoughts to you all! Mame
Debbie is gone from this area and the boat is wet but safe. We took about 15 inches of rain but not bad as far as wind is concerned. The water flooded the fixed docks last high tide overnight and is still right under them and low tide is in a couple hours.
Since the main concern was flooding and not wind it worked out that I'm on a boat.
Congratulations Diane! Now that's tremendous news and I know everyone is going to be so relieved for you. I am proud of you because you have travelled a long, hard journey to get to this point and I understand why you want to do something unique for your 50th birthday.
How about extending it to a birthday week? That takes the pressure off for the 'day' to be perfect so if something unforeseen pops up there is no disappointment.
That being said, the first thing that came to my mind was getting laid and if you want water involved how about a nice poke in the shower?
You could always have a nice poke at the beach in water up to your neck as long as you don't get sand in your schlitz.
OK, so maybe I need to get laid and am trying to live vicariously through you haha.
Whatever you choose, and I know that everyone here will have better suggestions than me, congratulations again and I hope you can relax into this new sense of security.
Love all you guys and am consistently impressed by how amazing you all are.
lovbob
Yes, it looks like Debby is really reeking havoc in Florida. I hope Bobbie is safe on the Barbara B. I've been thinking of lots of friends and family in Florida and I hope all are safe.
I came home from the attorney and my b/f had cooked dinner! He is so sweet. So I fed mom and ate in between her bites. Then I took two tylenol and I'm feeling much better. We even have leftovers for tomorrow! Yay, no cooking when I get in from work.
The good news from the attorney is that mom does qualify for Medicaide in SC!!! We can either do a program where I get help for 40 hours a week or the NH route. The only thing with the NH route is that the one we like has a very long Medicaid waitlist. So if mom's LTC insurance will pay for 42 hours a week and Medicaid will pay for 40 hours a week for help, this may be doable. I would have 14 hours a day coverage Monday through Friday and still 6 hours on Saturday & Sunday. I would still be on my own through the night, but this would be a vast improvement to what I have now.
The other bit of good news is that mom can transfer the house into my name without a penalty from Medcaid because I have lived in the home caring for her more than 2 years. I've asked mom to think about transfering the house to me since I don't trust my brother and sister to start crap after mom passes. I'll let her think about this for a few days.
It will take about 90 days to get everything approved through Medicaid, but I finally feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!!!!!! The attorney also agrees that I do not need to resign as moms POA unless Mom wishes to make a change.
All I can say is the good Lord must have heard all those prayers you have said for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support.
Since y'all are such creative ladies (and gents), I need some suggestions about a "ritual" to do for my 50th birthday. The ritual is to represent acknowledgment of my regrets about not accomplishing some of the things I wanted at this point in life, but to celebrate where I am now and to look to the future with hope. I was thinking of something with water since I always view that as "rebirth" and also washing clean. Any ideas?
God, I feel so relieved from the news today I wish I could go out dancing and have a big old margarita!!!!!
I hope you can have a peaceful night!
Love ya,
Diane
It was a good appointment with the elder care attorney today. I've got a splitting headache so I will fill you in a little later tonight. Thanks again for the prayers and encouragement.
Later,
Diane
Cattail, their is nothing better than fresh veggies. yum. yum. What r we having for supper?
Austin, I think a lot of us on the weather had just skip over spring n jump right into summer too.
It's been so hot that it seems like August weather with all that hurrican Debby in Florida. I have family living in Ocala-Marion county n Williston. so far okay with them. All we can do is say a prayer for those in the other counties.
Hot n windy here but at least we cab be thankful for no tornados.