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Thanks Cat, Jen, Deef and everyone else that has offered support and encouragement. Right now I am trying to calm down since I'm having pressure on my chest and pain in my shoulder blade. I'll be damned if I'm going to die and give those SOB's the satisfaction. If I don't feel better soon I will get my bf to take me to the ER.
Diane: Just want you to know that I deleted my first responses to your brother. He's just pissed off because his day was inconvenienced with her fall. So you are the POA and your mom is still of sound mind. You didn't put your brother on the POA or your sister? I remember that you were giving them more of a roll in your mom's finances and care, but can't remember about the POA issue.
Has he had any financial costs associated with your mom? It sounds like his wife was pissed off because his mom required too much of his time, money, or thought processes. I think he is just using you as the fall guy for his own failings. I'm sure there was more wrong in their marriage besides any disagreements about you or your mom. It's easier for him to forget the other issues and just blame you for his failings.
Just tell him that his reaction to the day's events are over the top. You are sorry for his unhappiness, but throwing you and your mom to the dogs isn't going to change his life for the better. It just gives him someone to punish for his own disappointments. If you can find it in you to say this, tell him you need his support. Tell him that things will work out, but he needs to understand that the lives of others are important too. I don't know if it will help, but it may stall things. At times it does seem like he cares about you. He has his own problems and that is probably what he reacts to.
Back to the house. How old are the comps. Are things selling in your area. Where I live it is so slow, but houses in the price range you are dealing with do sell. Are your sibs in agreement with the price you are looking at?
Is there anything in your debts that can be consolidated? Refinancing a car payment to include credit card debt which might lower your payments and lower the debt ratio. Same with your BF.
Diane: I have confidence in you. Things are not the same as they were before. You are not the same. I know you have your low times, but you come back up to the surface and that's the good thing. You are in counseling now and have a chance to see the phy for med changes. You are seeing the care of your mom as the true challenge it is and you are getting little glimpses of a life of your own. One you so deserve.
When does your mom's LTC expire? I'm just wondering if there is any way to fashion a second on the house or a private note from your mom. For example, if the house is worth $120,000.00 and your mom's LTC expires two years from the time of the sale. She needs about $95,000.00 to get through 2 years of NH expense. That's if the daily cost doesn't go up. Now she also has some monthly income that can go to the monthly cost and might reduce the overall cost somewhat.
I'm just wondering if she can sell the house to you for $95,000.00 and then take a second on the property after the loan has recorded for the difference in market value and the loan you received. The note could be for no interest and no monthly payments, but would have to be due and payable around the time of her LTC policy ending. That would give you and BF some time to get more hours at work, pay off debt and refinance the second. It's not a sure thing, just a thought. Your mom's lawyer could draw something up that would show that the second or private loan from you amounted to full market value so it shouldn't effect her medicaid in the future. You need more legal input on this to make sure it would work, but it seems like an avenue worth pursuing.
I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you. Don't give up until the fat lady sings. Love ya, Cattails.
Austin, Thanks for the reminder of 911. My mother always wants me to call my brother. I really didn't need him or 911 as long as the sitter and I could get her connected to the lift. Right now he is busy threatening me with each text
Diane, Hold your ground! Give your brother time to cool off. Don't answer the phone or the door and call your lawyer in the morning. Nothing they can do as long as you are POA. Make sure your Psychiatrist knows what's going on too. Maybe your mom needs to talk to the lawyer and set some solid ground rules to protect you both. grab a glass of wine and put your feet up. Better yet, give mom a glass of wine too!
He has had diarrhea five days now, very likely his own fault for rinsing off his dentures with unwashed hands...he is in the crapper now, no wash, big mess and mom gonna cook four feet from the door. Great now we can all get E-coli and die...
Cat, I have priced comparable houses in the neighborhood. The houses of similar square footage at selling at $122-$125k. My asshole brother just sent me a text saying he is putting mom in ahome immediately and placing the house on the market. I'd like to see how he plans to do that when I have POA and the attorney still considers mom of sound mind.
Dflex -can you call 911 when she falls-my mil use to fall a lot because she loved taking my husband away from our home but got her times mixed up so it was me and my son that had to pick her up and when my husband planned his falls I was able to call 911 and if the police were busy a vol. fireman-I would ask for 2 because he was heavy-we pay extra on our phone bill to cover expenses of the call center.
Diane: At $130.00 per day, that's about 47,500.00 for one year, so I can see why you need to cash her out and a loan is needed for that. It would be great if your boyfriend could qualify with you on the loan.
What do you think the house is worth? It might be to your benefit to have it formally appraised. It might appraise for less than your sibs think it worth. How did you determine a price on the loan application?
Boy Diane! Do I know the Mom playing me thing! Mom is way gone now, but still manages to sneak one over on me once in a while. As for your brother blaming everything on you, I think maybe he is just as stressed as you and can't think clearly. That is still no excuse for treating you badly though. Mom's LTC pays up to $125/day and the NH's here start at $300/day. It's so crazy! Her LTC would be used up in no time. Mame, My mom did not like daycare either. I started her at 2 days a week, then went to 3. She asks me where we are going every time and when we get there she asks"what's this place?" The people are very good with her there considering she is full care. Just tell your mom you are dropping her off while you go to the doctor. Then tell her you have a dentist appointment and will be right back. After a while she'll get used to the people and activities and you can leave her without stressing. I have to do everything for mom now, so on daycare days I'm all worn out by the time I drop Mom off! The 6 hours she is there go by very fast. I'm glad you are taking your mom. Do you have elder services that will help pay for her visits? We have an eldercare service here that pays for most of Mom's daycare costs. She has a monthly co-pay of $83 for 3 days a week. Check with your local senior center. There should be someone there that could point you in the right direction. Bilmo, the grossness never goes away!!! Cricket, good posts as always! Cattails, what profession did you retire from? You are very knowledgeable about sop many subjects. Time to get Mom to bed and put the trash out for the morning pick-up!
Hey Cat, I didn't mean for my reply to be so short either. My mom's LTC insurance covers $100 per day. The NH is $230 per day. Right now buying her home is my only option I see available. I'm going to see if my boyfriend and I can qualify together. It doesn't hurt to try.
Diane: I'm sure you do that all suggestions seriously. Sorry I worded that the way I did.
I have a question for you. If your mom goes into a nursing home, how much of the cost will be covered by the LTC policy? Previously, I had thought maybe a lease option might work for you, but if her long term care policy won't cover the whole cost of her monthly fee, then it's going to have to be made up somewhere. Do you know what the LTC will cover? Even if its based in a percentage that will give us an idea of what needs to be made up. Also, when does the LTC policy terminate.
Another afternoon of BS. Mom decided to throw a temper tandrum because I told her to keep moving. She shoved her walker away from her and tried walking on her own abd fell flat on her face. I lost me cool because she deliberately did this to hurt herself. She insisted I call my brother to help get her off the floor. While I was waiting for my brother to show up, the sitter helped me get mom in her recliner using the lift. My brother shows up and has the audacity to say this is all my faut and the reason his wife has left him and wants a divorce is my fault. I am so sick and tired of being the family scapegoat for everything under the sun. It was his stupid ass wife that started stirring up trouble when they moved here a year and a half ago.
Cat, I take everyones advice and suggestions seriously.
I know we each have our own set of troubles so I appreciate the love and support I get from you all.
Wishing you the best day you can have under the circumstances.
Mame, Hang in there. You're doing a good job. We all know what it feels like going through this with a parent, we understand. When your Mom says "you're just trying to get rid of me" why not just say you're right Mom but it's just for a few hours so I can get some other things done... It's kind of what it was like when we took our kids to the babysitter when they were young, they always knew it was because we had to do it for a good reason and even sometimes for some of our own fun without the kids. Then you won't have to feel like you need to justify it to her and have your thoughts being overwhelmed about it.. all that excess worry is what causes stress and sickness. You will learn to change your thoughts to more positive ones like "it's good for her to get out of the house" or "it's good for me to have some me time" and tell yourself that everything is going to be just fine. When you catch yourself feeling stressed recognize what your thoughts have been focused on.. What we think is what we create and what makes us feel the way we do. Something that really helps me when I catch myself doing this is to say to a thought... Cancel cancel and then think of something that makes me feel happy or something that made me laugh (like Bobbie kneeing that guy) and while I'm doing this I take a few slow deep breaths. Breathing deeply is so good for our stress levels not to mention our health. xoxo get some rest and get well. Cricketღ
Hi All! Busy last week here. I actually got mom to the Adult Day care for a visit! I thought I had to stay but after the tour-they were like-"Go to the Mall!" So I did! I bought her new slippers and me new jammies! And had lunch. If I had known, I would have grabbed the pants that need returning but that will have to wait for next time! When I got back they were playing a game and she had her turn. She was really cute. When we left, she was quiet. I was excited and asked her about lunch... "we had macaroni" she says...then a pause..."and cheese" and then she puts her fingers up to show me about an inch and says "and this much milk!" I started laughing...she was clearly disgusted. I asked her if she asked for more milk and she said no. She told me all the people there were old and sickly and she felt like she should take care of them. (She was a nurse in her day!) I think this is a good thing! She also told me that they looked sad. I chatted about why some people need to be there etc and that maybe it makes them sad that they can't care for themselves anymore...and we discussed someone fun like her coming into the group and maybe making it more fun for them. She did remember two men making jokes with her...acted like she didn't like it-but I think she did. I happened to have an appt with my counselor that night. He said that it was good that mom recognized the sadness in the others. He said, people who are sad themselves don't see the sadness in others. That made me feel good! She keeps accusing me of wanting to get rid of her. I told her I hadn't seen my gynocologist in two years-and that I need to get away sometimes and want more for her than sitting in front of a TV every day! And that for now, it is only one half day a week! (The woman I have come in during the week for a few hours is really so I can go grocery shopping etc) Mom tells me that she is just teasing about getting rid of her, but I don't think she is cause she keeps saying it. So, I just assure her that I don't want to get rid of her. I just want her to have some social time and I need to get some time to myself! I am happy about the visit. I knew that day that the whole ordeal was taking a toll on me tho. I get sooo stressed that it catches up with me in physical ways. I hate that! So, today I am sick as a dog. I tried to tell myself that morning, that she would pull her usual-"I have a headach-I can't go" And that we would be late...which we were-but they were ok about that. The oxygen bottle must have been bad cause in the time it took to get her out of the house and get there it was empty! The good Girl Scout that I am-I had brought another! Yea! So this doesn't sound so bad-but here I am-sick from the stress of it all. After we do it a few times, I know it will get better for me and for her. I am going to have to make her go-I am sure. Just like bathing-she never wants to but is always happier after!!! So as you can see, I am already getting stressed about her not wanting to go (she has a history of this) and altho I try to tell myself that I think about all the scenarios she will come up with, so I will be prepared-it makes me crazy and stressed ant then I get sick. I feel like I should be put in a mental institution. I have no control over my mind or body! UGH! Well, as I said, it will get better and easier the more we do this so I will keep taking her-and then we may both be better mentally and physically! After catching up with all your posts-and I don't even know how to begin to speak to each of you individually-I just can't help but think-We all work so hard and are trying so hard to do the right thing-why can't it just be easier? Or more rewarding? Everything is so difficult! I guess I just have to stop fighting this. Just take it as it comes and keep keepin on! Easier said than done tho! She is calling "somebody"! Gotta run! Mame
Cattails, I'm sorry you've had a rough couple of days and hope you be kind to yourself and get some down time to recoup your strengths.
Deef, I really appreciate your good thoughts and encouragements, thank you for spending what precious little time you do have to stay connected with us here. Your input is very valuable for those of us who yet have to face the NH issue one day. I really think that we all have to look at NH's with much considerations because like the laws changing from one State to the next I believe that NH's to are all different and in some cases (like yours) it's best to keep your loved one with you at home but then in other situations it's better for the loved one to be in a NH with close supervision and monitoring. It is such a HUGE decision that each one of us has to make our own decisions and none of us can judge anyone's decision either way. The most important thing we can do here is to give love, understanding and support to each other. Thank God we have this forum for just that because it's rare to find the same kind of understanding and support from our family's and those on the outside.
Okay a hint for the last movie quote is that it's from a very old Jimmy Stuart movie. So come on guys, how about some guesses? :)
Meanwhile2, You have a wonderful party. The food sounds fabulous.
Diane, you made the right decision to get help and get rest for yourself. You are on the right path. Last week was a huge week for you with getting back to work and that took a lot of mental, emotional, and physical energy. You did really good so pat yourself on the back and know that we are proud of you.
Mom is all set! I'm heading out to the yard to get some gardening and lawn mowing done. We are expecting a rainy week, so while it's dry and sunny for now, I need to get the work done. I will check in later today. I would love to be able to sit at my computer all day and reply to everyone's comments, but that is a luxury I can't afford! I used to spend more time on AC when my husband was working, but then I was way behind in my duties here! So I'm off to hopefully get some things done. I hope you all have a peaceful day and find one thing to smile about!!!
Cattails, I'm in central Mass. Mom still has an IRA we need to deal with. The house was signed over to me just over 2 years ago. Diane, you'll figure something out that will work for you and your mom. Definitely talk to your doctor if you feel your meds aren't helping. I have 2 sisters on psych meds and it's trial and error to get the right dosage and combination. One day at a time. That's all we can do! In the meantime, I had an e-mail from Italy last night!!! Rossella is still caring for her mom and still translating movies. As you oldies know, her mom is much like mine and a handful. Money is tight so she has less help and she is into this care giving 3 1/2 years now. She has not been on AC for a while now because all she does is work and care for her mom. It's hard for her to find time to even read posts. It's just another thing to do when she could be getting some rest. She really misses everyone and their support and hopes when work slows down, she can get back into the groove. Okay, Merry on her way. This is Mom's shower day. It's going to take 2 of us to hose her down today!
Diane: I will post about your situation tomorrow. I have a lot of thoughts based on what you have said. I did suggest something earlier. Don't know if you read that, but I'll got over what I think your options are and what the obstacles are to other suggestions. I need to get my shit together to make this response. I've had a tough couple of days so tomorrow will be better for me to have my wits about me. Take time to read what I say cause I am putting some heart into it.
Deef: I am all for you keeping your mom home as long as is possible and that may be to the day she dies. I hope that is the way it ends. My thought was about when your mom's LTC ended and how you would manage without the extra help it provided. Yes, there are penalties if your mom has given gifts over the years, etc. That doesn't mean you have to lose your house. It just means that there is a delay as to when she can receive Medicaid benefits. Medicaid also offers in home help. I believe you are in Washington state as I am. So my understanding is that Medicaid can give you 5 hours a day in home care. I think that is only M thru F, not weekends, but I'm not sure.
Penalties start from the date of application, so when your mom's assets are gone, you can apply for in home care. Not nursing home care. I think the penalty is one day for every $249.00 given away or not spent on her care.
I'm just suggesting that you talk to Social Services and get a better understanding about what the penalties are and what they are willing to do in the area of in home care.
In my recent discussions with Washington Social Services, I found that there has recently been a precedent set on a family that was in the same boat I am in. I'll tell you more about that if you are interested.
I know you love your mom and are doing the best to keep her happy, safe and most of all getting her the best care she can possibly have. I'm not encouraging you to place her, I am just suggesting that you will need more help in time and Medicaid may be your best bet. I also found out a while back that you can apply and then decline if you feel your home is in jeopardy. The thing to remember is the penalty starts when you apply. You may be surprised to realize that the penalty is not as long as you think it would be or as severe, with regard to your home. When the penalty ends, it's over. House is safe. Then you can ask for in home support.
Deef, I can understand your position of wanting to keep your mom at home. I wish I could keep mom at home. The last few weeks mom has become increasingly difficult and I worry what is going to happen when she is put in the NH. Right now we can't even figure out how to afford the NH, so who knows what is happening. Cricket I think it was you that said about mom signing over the house to me. Unfortunately I need to buy the home so mom can get the funds to pay for the NH. Buying just won't be an option unless I can work more and/or get rid of some debt. This turmoil is taking its toll on me and mom both. I was doing so well today. I spent my day in bed while I had someone to take care of mom. I see the psychiatrist on Tuesday, so hopefully he will change me to a more effective medication.
Deef, I just thought the powder would be easier to use. I'll take another Amazon look. Bro hates ensure with a passion. Has no appetite and stomach issues, so a small serving of something packed with calories is great. I really appreciate the heads up on this. Meanwhile.... food sounds awesome...chocolate zucchini cake with cream cheese frosting... omg...
Judy, the point of the benecalorie is that it is a small amount that is easily added to other foods to boost the calorie intake without having to drink a full can of anything like Ensure. Supposedly little or no flavor to change the taste of the food you add ot to. mom had PD, so she sometimes has trouble swallowing. Cattails Mom has not been able to hold a real conversation for a long time. She is most comfortable at home in familiar surroundings. when she has been in a NH for rehab, she has not done well. She needs one on one care and won't get that in a facility. As you may already know, a NH will ask you for the last 5 years of the person's financial records. If you have used any of your dad's $$ to help pay for costs of caring for him in your home, you had best have good documentation, or they can make you pay back the $$ to help pay for the NH costs. Have looked into this already and know they can even take back monetary gifts Mom may have given to family members in the past 5 years. Any NH will ask for all financial records and assets that the client was connected to in any way over at least the last 5 years and maybe longer. Three years ago, the cost per day was $300, so her Ltc would have been gone long before now. When she was in the ER on Monday, both the nurses and the doctor said the best place for her was at home. They don't even like to admit the elderly if at all possible. We have several NH's in our area and when there are health issues, they are brought to our hospital, so these nurses and doctors see NH clients all the time. they checked Mom over really well and were surprised to see she had no bed sores or any other skin problems. Not the case with NH patients. Nh's can be good for people that can still socialize and do for themselves. In the case of dementia and alz., most medical professionals will tell you that home care is preferred as long as there is a good support system. I do have some support, it's just the 5 years of doing this that gets old. But I do know that home is the best place for Mom. It beats being in lock-down and so heavily medicated that she is no better than a zombie. Understand, I have nothing against NH's, I just don't feel it's the place for Mom to get the best care. Meanwhile, Can I come to the party??? My mouth is watering as I speak!!! Jen, I think I would prefer the music to Mom's moaning, but just for a little while! You can keep fartpants though!!!
Just finished scrubbing the kitchen. After cooking most of the day, had every pot and pan dirty. Hopefully, about 50 people coming for Step Dads Birthday tomorrow. Sis, and I made BBQ meatballs, BBQ ribs, deviled eggs, potato salad (10 pounds worth), homemade french bread, apple cobbler, chocolate zucchini cake with cream cheese frosting, sugar free chocolate pie (for Dad, it is his favorite, and he has diabetes). I'm not much of a cook, so nothing fancy.
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Has he had any financial costs associated with your mom? It sounds like his wife was pissed off because his mom required too much of his time, money, or thought processes. I think he is just using you as the fall guy for his own failings. I'm sure there was more wrong in their marriage besides any disagreements about you or your mom. It's easier for him to forget the other issues and just blame you for his failings.
Just tell him that his reaction to the day's events are over the top. You are sorry for his unhappiness, but throwing you and your mom to the dogs isn't going to change his life for the better. It just gives him someone to punish for his own disappointments. If you can find it in you to say this, tell him you need his support. Tell him that things will work out, but he needs to understand that the lives of others are important too. I don't know if it will help, but it may stall things. At times it does seem like he cares about you. He has his own problems and that is probably what he reacts to.
Back to the house. How old are the comps. Are things selling in your area. Where I live it is so slow, but houses in the price range you are dealing with do sell. Are your sibs in agreement with the price you are looking at?
Is there anything in your debts that can be consolidated? Refinancing a car payment to include credit card debt which might lower your payments and lower the debt ratio. Same with your BF.
Diane: I have confidence in you. Things are not the same as they were before. You are not the same. I know you have your low times, but you come back up to the surface and that's the good thing. You are in counseling now and have a chance to see the phy for med changes. You are seeing the care of your mom as the true challenge it is and you are getting little glimpses of a life of your own. One you so deserve.
When does your mom's LTC expire? I'm just wondering if there is any way to fashion a second on the house or a private note from your mom. For example, if the house is worth $120,000.00 and your mom's LTC expires two years from the time of the sale. She needs about $95,000.00 to get through 2 years of NH expense. That's if the daily cost doesn't go up. Now she also has some monthly income that can go to the monthly cost and might reduce the overall cost somewhat.
I'm just wondering if she can sell the house to you for $95,000.00 and then take a second on the property after the loan has recorded for the difference in market value and the loan you received. The note could be for no interest and no monthly payments, but would have to be due and payable around the time of her LTC policy ending. That would give you and BF some time to get more hours at work, pay off debt and refinance the second. It's not a sure thing, just a thought. Your mom's lawyer could draw something up that would show that the second or private loan from you amounted to full market value so it shouldn't effect her medicaid in the future. You need more legal input on this to make sure it would work, but it seems like an avenue worth pursuing.
I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you. Don't give up until the fat lady sings. Love ya, Cattails.
What do you think the house is worth? It might be to your benefit to have it formally appraised. It might appraise for less than your sibs think it worth. How did you determine a price on the loan application?
Cattails
Mame, My mom did not like daycare either. I started her at 2 days a week, then went to 3. She asks me where we are going every time and when we get there she asks"what's this place?" The people are very good with her there considering she is full care. Just tell your mom you are dropping her off while you go to the doctor. Then tell her you have a dentist appointment and will be right back. After a while she'll get used to the people and activities and you can leave her without stressing. I have to do everything for mom now, so on daycare days I'm all worn out by the time I drop Mom off! The 6 hours she is there go by very fast. I'm glad you are taking your mom. Do you have elder services that will help pay for her visits? We have an eldercare service here that pays for most of Mom's daycare costs. She has a monthly co-pay of $83 for 3 days a week. Check with your local senior center. There should be someone there that could point you in the right direction.
Bilmo, the grossness never goes away!!!
Cricket, good posts as always!
Cattails, what profession did you retire from? You are very knowledgeable about sop many subjects.
Time to get Mom to bed and put the trash out for the morning pick-up!
I have a question for you. If your mom goes into a nursing home, how much of the cost will be covered by the LTC policy? Previously, I had thought maybe a lease option might work for you, but if her long term care policy won't cover the whole cost of her monthly fee, then it's going to have to be made up somewhere. Do you know what the LTC will cover? Even if its based in a percentage that will give us an idea of what needs to be made up. Also, when does the LTC policy terminate.
Sorry about your brother and your mom. Hugs.
Another afternoon of BS. Mom decided to throw a temper tandrum because I told her to keep moving. She shoved her walker away from her and tried walking on her own abd fell flat on her face. I lost me cool because she deliberately did this to hurt herself. She insisted I call my brother to help get her off the floor. While I was waiting for my brother to show up, the sitter helped me get mom in her recliner using the lift. My brother shows up and has the audacity to say this is all my faut and the reason his wife has left him and wants a divorce is my fault. I am so sick and tired of being the family scapegoat for everything under the sun. It was his stupid ass wife that started stirring up trouble when they moved here a year and a half ago.
Cat, I take everyones advice and suggestions seriously.
I know we each have our own set of troubles so I appreciate the love and support I get from you all.
Wishing you the best day you can have under the circumstances.
Love ya,
Diane
I am happy about the visit. I knew that day that the whole ordeal was taking a toll on me tho. I get sooo stressed that it catches up with me in physical ways. I hate that! So, today I am sick as a dog. I tried to tell myself that morning, that she would pull her usual-"I have a headach-I can't go" And that we would be late...which we were-but they were ok about that. The oxygen bottle must have been bad cause in the time it took to get her out of the house and get there it was empty! The good Girl Scout that I am-I had brought another! Yea! So this doesn't sound so bad-but here I am-sick from the stress of it all. After we do it a few times, I know it will get better for me and for her. I am going to have to make her go-I am sure. Just like bathing-she never wants to but is always happier after!!! So as you can see, I am already getting stressed about her not wanting to go (she has a history of this) and altho I try to tell myself that I think about all the scenarios she will come up with, so I will be prepared-it makes me crazy and stressed ant then I get sick. I feel like I should be put in a mental institution. I have no control over my mind or body! UGH!
Well, as I said, it will get better and easier the more we do this so I will keep taking her-and then we may both be better mentally and physically!
After catching up with all your posts-and I don't even know how to begin to speak to each of you individually-I just can't help but think-We all work so hard and are trying so hard to do the right thing-why can't it just be easier? Or more rewarding? Everything is so difficult! I guess I just have to stop fighting this. Just take it as it comes and keep keepin on! Easier said than done tho!
She is calling "somebody"! Gotta run! Mame
Cattails, I'm sorry you've had a rough couple of days and hope you be kind to yourself and get some down time to recoup your strengths.
Deef, I really appreciate your good thoughts and encouragements, thank you for spending what precious little time you do have to stay connected with us here. Your input is very valuable for those of us who yet have to face the NH issue one day. I really think that we all have to look at NH's with much considerations because like the laws changing from one State to the next I believe that NH's to are all different and in some cases (like yours) it's best to keep your loved one with you at home but then in other situations it's better for the loved one to be in a NH with close supervision and monitoring. It is such a HUGE decision that each one of us has to make our own decisions and none of us can judge anyone's decision either way. The most important thing we can do here is to give love, understanding and support to each other. Thank God we have this forum for just that because it's rare to find the same kind of understanding and support from our family's and those on the outside.
Okay a hint for the last movie quote is that it's from a very old Jimmy Stuart movie. So come on guys, how about some guesses? :)
Meanwhile2, You have a wonderful party. The food sounds fabulous.
Diane, you made the right decision to get help and get rest for yourself. You are on the right path. Last week was a huge week for you with getting back to work and that took a lot of mental, emotional, and physical energy. You did really good so pat yourself on the back and know that we are proud of you.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Diane, you'll figure something out that will work for you and your mom. Definitely talk to your doctor if you feel your meds aren't helping. I have 2 sisters on psych meds and it's trial and error to get the right dosage and combination. One day at a time. That's all we can do!
In the meantime, I had an e-mail from Italy last night!!! Rossella is still caring for her mom and still translating movies. As you oldies know, her mom is much like mine and a handful. Money is tight so she has less help and she is into this care giving 3 1/2 years now. She has not been on AC for a while now because all she does is work and care for her mom. It's hard for her to find time to even read posts. It's just another thing to do when she could be getting some rest. She really misses everyone and their support and hopes when work slows down, she can get back into the groove.
Okay, Merry on her way. This is Mom's shower day. It's going to take 2 of us to hose her down today!
Penalties start from the date of application, so when your mom's assets are gone, you can apply for in home care. Not nursing home care. I think the penalty is one day for every $249.00 given away or not spent on her care.
I'm just suggesting that you talk to Social Services and get a better understanding about what the penalties are and what they are willing to do in the area of in home care.
In my recent discussions with Washington Social Services, I found that there has recently been a precedent set on a family that was in the same boat I am in. I'll tell you more about that if you are interested.
I know you love your mom and are doing the best to keep her happy, safe and most of all getting her the best care she can possibly have. I'm not encouraging you to place her, I am just suggesting that you will need more help in time and Medicaid may be your best bet. I also found out a while back that you can apply and then decline if you feel your home is in jeopardy. The thing to remember is the penalty starts when you apply. You may be surprised to realize that the penalty is not as long as you think it would be or as severe, with regard to your home. When the penalty ends, it's over. House is safe. Then you can ask for in home support.
Hope this makes sense. Love to you, Cattails.
Have a good night dear ones.
Love ya,
Diane
Cattails Mom has not been able to hold a real conversation for a long time. She is most comfortable at home in familiar surroundings. when she has been in a NH for rehab, she has not done well. She needs one on one care and won't get that in a facility. As you may already know, a NH will ask you for the last 5 years of the person's financial records. If you have used any of your dad's $$ to help pay for costs of caring for him in your home, you had best have good documentation, or they can make you pay back the $$ to help pay for the NH costs. Have looked into this already and know they can even take back monetary gifts Mom may have given to family members in the past 5 years. Any NH will ask for all financial records and assets that the client was connected to in any way over at least the last 5 years and maybe longer.
Three years ago, the cost per day was $300, so her Ltc would have been gone long before now. When she was in the ER on Monday, both the nurses and the doctor said the best place for her was at home. They don't even like to admit the elderly if at all possible. We have several NH's in our area and when there are health issues, they are brought to our hospital, so these nurses and doctors see NH clients all the time. they checked Mom over really well and were surprised to see she had no bed sores or any other skin problems. Not the case with NH patients. Nh's can be good for people that can still socialize and do for themselves. In the case of dementia and alz., most medical professionals will tell you that home care is preferred as long as there is a good support system. I do have some support, it's just the 5 years of doing this that gets old. But I do know that home is the best place for Mom. It beats being in lock-down and so heavily medicated that she is no better than a zombie. Understand, I have nothing against NH's, I just don't feel it's the place for Mom to get the best care.
Meanwhile, Can I come to the party??? My mouth is watering as I speak!!!
Jen, I think I would prefer the music to Mom's moaning, but just for a little while! You can keep fartpants though!!!