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Deef: Thanks for the info. Yes, he has a wheelchair that we use when he goes outside. He uses his walker in the house, but only with assistance. He's not stable enough on his own and he can't seem to find his way without guidance. I hope you get better soon and your sis can take your mom to the ER. Get some rest.
It's a beautiful day here. Hoping to get outside and work on the greenhouse.
Mom still has her cold and now I have it!!! Sick as a dog and trying to care for her too. I have to be careful because I have asthma and it could get bad at any time. Merry will be here soon, so I will get back in bed for a while. Mom is still battling lots of phlegm. I hate that word, especially now that I have the same problem. Getting her ready for daycare yesterday was pretty hilarious. Every time she coughed up a mouth full or blew chunks out of her nose, I gagged and choked! I can do the poopy stuff all day long, but nose and mouth discharge kills me!!! To top it all off, I think she has another UTI. We were attributing the craziness and agitation to her cold, but her diaper was pretty stinky and dark last night. Of course it's a long weekend, so we may have to take her to the ER for treatment. Not going to be fun with the way I feel! Maybe I will ruin my sister's weekend and tell her to come and take Mom to the ER because I'm too sick. Christina, You did the best you could with your mom. The chemical restraints are the main reason I won't place Mom. And I'm still worried that we could lose our home. Being in a NH doesn't make it any easier as we still feel the need to visit and monitor their care. the 2 times Mom was in rehab after falls, were more stressful for me because I drove there every day to feed her dinner and get her ready for bed. She is very OCD and can't sit for more than a few seconds without trying to get up to do God only knows what! Cattails, Do you have a wheelchair for your dad? We have 2 here. A regular and a transport. Mom was falling all the time and we had to do something to keep her safe. the alarm pads didn't work for us. By the time they went off, she was already on the floor! The wheelchairs allow her to be mobile and us breathing room. Now she has progressed with the PD to the point that she can only walk a short distance with someone holding on to her. At night we put pillows under her mattress pad on both sides of her. Sort of like a "scoop" mattress that they use in NH. She has become accustomed to all of this and has not tried to get out of bed on her own for the past year. I still have to get up and turn her to her side in the early morning hours, but I no longer find her sleeping in weird places! She also takes seroquel at bedtime. This calms her down and helps her sleep through the entire night. Definitely look into getting him a wheelchair and ask hid doctor about a sleep aid. Both of these will make your life much easier and his much safer. I also sit mom in her wheelchair when I'm outside working in the yard. She loves to be out in the air too! When I do sit her in the recliner for a rest, I us a gait belt around her waist and recline the chair back so that she can't escape on her own. Some people make think that securing them to a chair is terrible, I think it's good common sense and a way to keep them safe and us sane. One thing I found over time with Mom is that she becomes conditioned to our safety measures. Cricket, I would love to join your game, but I don't watch too many movies. My RLS prevents me from sitting in one place for to long. As for the whole NH issue, we all have our reasons for what we do and no one has a right to criticize anyone elses decision. we all have enough guilt to live with! On to the subject of plants!!!! We put our garden in last weekend because rain was predicted for most of the week. Well, despite much cloudiness and sprinkles, the ground is still dry!!! We are watering every day to get things going. If it stays dry like this, I'm sure the bugs will start eating everything in sight! Good news is my calla lilies are pushing through the soil!!!! Can't wait for them to bloom!!! Okay, haven't coughed in 15 minutes. That's a good sign. Need to get the big air conditioner into the dining room today. I'm glad I got Mom's and our bedroom ones in during the week. This humidity and heat make my asthma act up worse. I know I didn't address everyone, but my head is pretty fuzzy. Hope you all have an easy day!
Ok, I've got it. Probably to easy, but from one of my most favorite movies. Ready, here it is....................."and you're right about me. I am fascinating."
tbailey: Yeah, I remember telling you about the alarm pads and how happy you were to learn about them. I don't remember right now, but how old is your mother-in-law? It is strange how they can change from one mind set to another. Maybe the confusion lessens your mil's caution, so she take more risks and moves around more quickly on her walker. Has your mil ever had a brain scan to see what damage has taken place? Maybe others can jump in here and use the right words, but a geriatric neurologist (I believe) might be a good doc to get her too. Hopefully, her physician could make a referral.
Often it depends on what part of the brain is being damaged by ALZ, although there seems to be a common pattern, and having a scan and talking to experts can give you a better idea what is going on and what is in store for you. Also, there may be some medications that could help her.
I think you need to realize and accept that your SIL will not be there to help, so you need to let go of that. For whatever reason, she just can't do it and it's not about her schedule, it's about her limitations. You can spend months and years being angry with her, but your energy would be better used hiring some help to give you a break from MIL.
tbailey: You are in charge here, like it or not. You are the one who needs to figure this out and get the ball rolling on additional help. Don't look to relatives. It's not going to happen. Don't waste your emotions on being angry with them. You decide what you need and then get the help and let your mil's funds pay for that help.
You took on your mil's care with an understanding that you would get more help from her daughter. So now you know that isn't going to happen. Accept it. But here's the thing; if you don't want to take care of her now, understanding that it's all up to you, then you have a right to change your mind. At the end of the day, you are the one doing all the work, so you get to decide and don't let anyone give you any shit over it. Not even your husband. It's his mom and if he wants her in his home then he better get on board and come up with a solution that helps his wife.
My dad has vascular dementia, due to stroke. It's still dementia, but not as progressive as ALZ. I feel so sorry for him and, truthfully, I just wish so much he would pass away. Two years ago, he would have been so opposed to living the way he is now. However, since he has come home, he doesn't seem to grasp the lack of quality of life he endures. I don't think he has a clue what I go through to take care of him. It just doesn't register. Maybe it's better that way. It would make his life worse to fully comprehend the situation that he is in or the hardship he is creating for us. I don't want him to feel any of that.
Tbailey: You are a very good person, a good wife, a good mom to young children and a gracious heart to take your mil out of a nursing home and bring her into your home. You are in charge so make the necessary decisions to help you cope. Don't waste your time or emotions on sil. Slap your hubby up side the head and do what is best for you and your children. Whatever you decide, I have the utmost confidence in you.
Wow, my dad went from having his mojo working last night and getting out of bed on his own power to being out of it today. The caregiver was here and he would not wake up for a shower or lunch. Same thing last Wednesday. Today he started to get up with the caregiver and then sat down and said no. Unfortunately, he was at the edge of his recliner and laying back at an awkward angle. I finally convinced his to stand up so I could scoot him bottom back in his chair. It was not easy at all. He kept saying, "Go away." Got him up for dinner tonight and he eat a good meal. Nothing left, but he is just not himself. Back into the deep sleep.
wow I get it now how fast AD progresess and changes My MIL has been acting alot different Im not sure why she is just getting worse What gets me she cant walk very good till she is confused & then she can get that walker and pretty much walk all around the house last night I was already laying down & my daughter & her friend was too she came to my room I jumped up to help her she wanted to know where my husband was and to tell him to get his A$$ in bed it was to late for him not to be in bed. Now today she is confused...I just wish she would call her daughters and cuss them.... Cattails I hate to hear about your dad. I rembember When I first got on here you really helped me with the alarms & helping give me ideas . Hope he gets to feeling better... Hello 195Austin hope you are having a good day!!! dtflex I hope you enjoy your mini vacation...You deserve it!!!!! Suzmarie try not to be so hard on yourself Sometimes it just dont work out but we have to take care of ourselves. Easy for me to say I need to listen.... Hope to have time to get on later... Hope you all have a great memorial weekend Im hoping to get MIL out to go to my mothers grave & grandparents are at same place. then Im the only one that ever puts anything on husbands dads grave which he is burried at va cemetary so Id like to go there to The In laws have always said well we are glad you go it just is to hard on us........UGH...Probaly wont get to though suppose to be like 90's this weekend...
mame4mom, I just read your post about Citronella plant that ward off bugs. I got to see if we have them here for I have these ugly black n yellowish looking grasshoppers that are eating away my Gladiolus before they even have a chance to bloom!
Christina, I hope you don't mind but I am going to try out that website as well. I just got rid of the rolly-polly putting out Seven Dust 5% so that it don't hurt the animals outside n birds... Now, I am dealing with the ugle crickets and ants!
Cricket, I enjoy planting real flowers too but, I also put a few Dollar Store flowers out their for it gets very hot n dry here. I also love digging in the dirt, I think I got that from my Grandma from my dad's side of the family. ; )
Cattail, I am sorry that your dad is having trouble being able to walk on his own. I can see why you will not get a nap n site. I be scared to death if that happen to mnl all the time and I'm not sure if I could handle that after i have tried to prevent that from happen. You can only do so much and you are the only one that will know when it is more than you can handle when it comes to that time to make that decision about the NH.
Dtflex, I hope you two have a wonderful mini vacation in Charleston and just breathe, relax n enjoy y'all self.
Suzmarie, You are only human just like everyone else here and everyone is different and that is what makes us so unique. With that said, you are the only one that knows how much could n could not handle. Try not to feel any of those regrets for it was affecting your health as well. Go live your life..... ; )
Anyone else that I may have not mention, I hope y'all have a blessed day. I am going to try n get out of the house for a few hrs and take care some stuff while hopefully the mnl don't start talking crap that she don't feel like going with the Neice out to eat at her favorite place. She has become my shadow.... Everyone cross their finger n wish me luck. I need a breather.!
Good Morning everyone, I think it's time for some fun in here so I think I will start a game and if anyone wants to join, just jump right in. The game is Movie one liner quotes and naming the movie. I will start with one.
"I done had my bath in May" haha I love this one. Can anyone guess what Movie it was from?
Cat I know how hard it was to decide to put you Dad in a NH but there comes a time when that is the best decision and you will still be very involved with him and really a caregiver when he is placed and you will still be his advocate-you have to take care of yourself-if you have him in a NH as medicade pending the social worker will be able to do the application easier and faster because they will want to get their money and they know the easist way to get information.
Suzmarie: It sounds like you did exactly what you should have done. How could you have taken care of your mom and worked too? If you had lost your job and had your mom to care for, it would not have been easy either, even if Medical paid you to care for her. You need to get back on your feet and let go of the regrets. I'm sorry for your pain.
Christina: Thanks for your honest comments. That's how I feel too, that my dad would get better care here and that's what makes things more difficult. Still, I am hopeful that I can find a really good facility for him. I've missed hearing your voice.
We do what we have to do, and it varys from person to person. I wanted to keep my mom home with me but we ran out of money and could no longer pay for caregivers let alone respite for me. I was working full time so I couldn't take care of her. At the time I didn't want t quit my job, although it added so much stress to an already stressful life, but I am self supporting and needed an income and dental insurance! Had I had time, and had I known that medi cal would have paid me to be her caregiver i might have considered it. Again, I was so scared of not having a satisfactory income and dental coverage. Sadly, my mom is in a NH. I got laid off but i still have cobra/dental insurance. Moms needs are greater now. Harder to get her into and out of bed; onto a toilet, getting her dressed etc. I could have continued caring for her back then, but I don't know physically how long I could care for her now. Dang. If only I knew then what I know now...my heart aches. Money can make me happy. If I had millions there is so much more I could have done and could do now. So many regrets. There was so much stress back then that I was on meds with the daily manic multi tasking at work and at home and on week ends. My mom was easy to care for because her AD wasn't advanced but she wanted to be entertained...maybe it was more me than her. I felt I should get her out. Enough already. I am where I am and I will try to make the best of a difficult situation. I just hope I can forgive myself for all of the things I should have done
Hey Cricket, it's nice of you to say that, but I never admitted that my Mother would get better care in a NH. She actually got better care with me in our home, but I did not have a life. I thought I deserved to preserve my health and live longer than I felt like I was going to if I continued in the guilt ridden, crazy making martyrdom of full time care giving. Of course, I had a choice, but I also MADE a choice after extensive deliberation. I see how it has effected some people and I care about my husband and kids too much to sacrifice my hopes, ambition, and enjoyment of life any further. I think I have said this before, so I really don't want to rehash it. Going over the same miserable crap and justifications gets old and boring. I think most things in life are worth experiencing and I am really glad I was able to take care of my Mother even though-- yada yada yada. I don't care what any one thinks about what I do, if it's good or bad-- who is anyone to judge another's life decisions? I am doing everything I need to do for my Mother, I have selfish siblings, too, but I am moving forward with my own life and am fulfilled. I have balance, enjoyment, school and my creative work. I wish the same for all of you. And it's not " the easy way out". Haha. That's a good one. Watch out for those chemical restraints, too. Some elders need it to manage erratic brain behavior, otherwise, the caregiver has to take the chemicals to get through the daily, manic multi tasking. I rest my case and my index finger. It's been real. Good night. xo
OMG!!!!! I confess I did laugh when I read your post. B/C I, too, am a primary caregiver to my 77 year old dad. I didn't laugh at you, I was sympathizing with your plight! that is so gross and repugnant! Hang in there. take care.
Well, my dad took a fall tonight. SHIT!!! Took another 10 years off my life. Over time, he's come to the point where he can't get out of bed on his own; at least not all the way. So things have calmed down at night, except we have to check on him every 2 -3 hours because he'll pull the covers back and get his legs out the side of the bed and then just lay there. So we have to worry about him getting cold . Evidently, he has devised a new way to get up. He got out of bed and made it part way to the bathroom, took a wrong turn into the walk-in closet and then fell. Thank God he didn't hit his head on the drawers and thank God he didn't get into the bathroom and fall on the tile floor. All I can picture is him bashing his head in and bleeding to death due to blood thinners; or breaking a bone, or his neck or something. My heart is still pounding.
I envy people who say they can take a nap while their parent is sleeping. I can never take my eyes off him because you never know when he's going to wake up and try to get out of his recliner during the day.
He went to bed earlier than usual tonight; around 7pm. I was so tired, I went to bed around 7:30pm. Bless my husband, he was checking on dad about every 45 minutes. Figured he'd want to get up to use the bathroom a couple of times this evening since he went to bed so early.
Hubby got him sitting up against the wall and then came and got me to help get dad off the floor, to the bathroom and back to bed. Anyway, he doesn't seem any worse for the ware, but I can't get the what if's out of my head.
And today, another pretty day, with lots needing done outside; I was stuck in the house on sentry duty. I told myself, "Well, he's been here just short of 8 months now and he hasn't had a fall." Kind of giving myself a pat on the back.
We had his bed set up with a pressure alarm, but it started to malfunction about a month ago and since he was no longer able to get out of bed on his own, I didn't replace it. I'll be ordering a new one first thing in the morning. For now, we've got the pressure alarm from his recliner on the bed.
Cricket: I appreciated what you said to Christina about her putting her mom in a nursing home. I hope that goes for me too. No one here has directly commented to me about my post regarding our decision to go forward with a Medicaid app. to have my dad placed. I was hoping you all weren't thinking I was a bad person taking the easy way out.
I'm sure it will be some months to get anything accomplished with Medicaid, but it's not an easy decision and you can't help but have some guilt and heart ache. I know I won't have any real peace in my life until he is with God.
Well, wide awake now. Hope tomorrow is a really good day for everyone.
Christina...you were at the Stepford Bank! Weeeeeeeee! I love Plumbago's also. I think that what you are going through over seeing your Mom like that is really tough. I really admire you for having the courage to admit that a NH would would be better for her care than what you were able to do, that takes real humility and love.
I think and have already informed my children that if I ever get to the point where I need help caring for me that they are to put me in a NH where they can come visit me. I would rather die that put this kind of obligation on my children. I'd rather have them visit me to show their love and let the professionals do the job part of caregiving. As long as they put me in a place with handsome orderly's I'm good, lol Only thing is the older I get the more Evil Cricket comes to life and I somehow don't ever see her in a NH but more like super gluing a thumb tack to the end of her cane and going around poking people in their butts saying "Out of my way you whipper snapper!" Oh the fun to be had under the crown of grey hair!
Lildeb, thanks for the idea but I really love caring for my plants, it's therapy for me. I just don't like using pesticides and herbicides even though I still use the granule type in my potted plants. Here in Florida it's like living in a jungle as far as bugs go, citronella never worked here except for a foot around the plant. I keep my plants inside a screened patio and still it's bad. That's why I only grow flowers.
Deef, Evil Cricket say's to tell the hubby that since he's not working or hasn't had a job in awhile that he can take over the Caregiving while you get a job, lol. I bet he will find work asap!
Well that's all from the Jungle tonight, *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I took mom to another nh today. She actually seemed to like this one. Its a little further away than some of the others, but this is the most responsive I've seen her to any of the places. Now I just need to qualify to buy mom's house to pay for her care. One step at a time.
My best friend's dad is having surgery tomorrow for an intestinal blockage. He is 84 so I hope everything goes well.
I'm glad this week is almost over. It has been good and bad. I'm just tired again between trying to catch-up at work, taking care of mom and looking at NH's and financing the care. I still have a lot of anger pent up inside me towards my sibs. Kathy, I certainly understand your feelings towards your sister. They have no idea how demeaning it is when they grill you over money like you're some sort of criminal. Is it stupid for me to feel like my sibs should take some responsibility for my attempted suicide? They are so f'ing stupid that they don't see it was their cruelty that drove me over the edge. I know I am the only one that can take responsibility for my actions, but shouldn't they be responsible for their bad behavior?
I'm looking forward to my day in Charleston on Monday. It will be nice for my b/f and I to have some fun time. All we ever seem to do together is yard work, cooking or running errands. No carefree time to relax
I'm watching Duets while mom is dozing in her recliner. I'm trying to keep her upright at least until 10 since she didn't finish dinner until about 8:45pm. We had a late dinner since we went to look at the NH. She is complaining she isn't feeling well now, so let me get going.
Hi Mame- there is a website that talks about plant combining to repel pests. It's toadstoolpond.wordpress.com then type repel bugs, or whatever your concern is, like "why to plant marigolds." I hate the smell of them, so maybe the little pests hate it, too:) Planting garlic gives the same effect, which I recently planted between my roses. Cricket, you planted one of my favorite shrubs! Plumbago reminds me of a blue pelargonium, same kind of flowers. There seems to be a giant gray haze over the planet. The energy was pretty weird out there today. I got off the freeway and there were 15 police cars pulling over 1 pick up truck with 2 guys in it. The bank manager trainee pounced on me as I entered the bank, asking lyrically: "What brings you into the bank today"? Well, let's see: probably not closing my account of millions cause I'm flying to the Caymans. Pomp. When someone does that to me, my ears go back and my eyes squint like a cat. I hate phony hype and I just want to make a deposit. He went on and on. I was the only customer in the bank and at least 20 not busy bank employees. What's with customer service? They either ignore you or act phony. I told the teller, who was obviously uncomfortable in her own animation, "really, it's not necessary or appreciated to be treated like that. Tell your manager. Just be real." She looked at me with big vacant eyes and asked me if I would like my balance on the receipt. Ok. What the f--- ever. I'm safe at home now. Hope all of you are and all your elder charges are safe, too. I'm taking marigolds with me to the bank next time. Love, Christina xo
Re:Gardening and bugs-I have heard that Merigolds keep bugs away and that there is a Citronella plant! I am going to put both around my deck this year and see if it helps keep the bugs at bay!
Cricket, have you tried dried flowers from the Dollar Store. They work great outside for awhile. You don't have to water them n bugs cannot eat them. Well, at least not yet. ; ) I have some real plants and some fake ones and you cannot tell far away.
Austin, Plumbago is a plant that has pretty light blue flowers and it grows like a weed so it can be used for shrubs or grown into a really tall shrub if allowed. Good luck with your vegetable garden. I wish I could grow one here but there are just to many bugs and I don't like using pesticides so I just go buy then at the health food store. Thanks Christina for the update on AnnT's Mom. I will send her an email.
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Deef: Thanks for the info. Yes, he has a wheelchair that we use when he goes outside. He uses his walker in the house, but only with assistance. He's not stable enough on his own and he can't seem to find his way without guidance. I hope you get better soon and your sis can take your mom to the ER. Get some rest.
It's a beautiful day here. Hoping to get outside and work on the greenhouse.
Cattails
Deef, I hope you call your Sister and take care of yourself. I hate being sick too.
It's beautiful outside here this morning so I'm going to go outside and breathe it all in. BBL
Cricketღ
Christina, You did the best you could with your mom. The chemical restraints are the main reason I won't place Mom. And I'm still worried that we could lose our home. Being in a NH doesn't make it any easier as we still feel the need to visit and monitor their care. the 2 times Mom was in rehab after falls, were more stressful for me because I drove there every day to feed her dinner and get her ready for bed. She is very OCD and can't sit for more than a few seconds without trying to get up to do God only knows what!
Cattails, Do you have a wheelchair for your dad? We have 2 here. A regular and a transport. Mom was falling all the time and we had to do something to keep her safe. the alarm pads didn't work for us. By the time they went off, she was already on the floor! The wheelchairs allow her to be mobile and us breathing room. Now she has progressed with the PD to the point that she can only walk a short distance with someone holding on to her. At night we put pillows under her mattress pad on both sides of her. Sort of like a "scoop" mattress that they use in NH. She has become accustomed to all of this and has not tried to get out of bed on her own for the past year. I still have to get up and turn her to her side in the early morning hours, but I no longer find her sleeping in weird places! She also takes seroquel at bedtime. This calms her down and helps her sleep through the entire night. Definitely look into getting him a wheelchair and ask hid doctor about a sleep aid. Both of these will make your life much easier and his much safer. I also sit mom in her wheelchair when I'm outside working in the yard. She loves to be out in the air too! When I do sit her in the recliner for a rest, I us a gait belt around her waist and recline the chair back so that she can't escape on her own. Some people make think that securing them to a chair is terrible, I think it's good common sense and a way to keep them safe and us sane. One thing I found over time with Mom is that she becomes conditioned to our safety measures.
Cricket, I would love to join your game, but I don't watch too many movies. My RLS prevents me from sitting in one place for to long.
As for the whole NH issue, we all have our reasons for what we do and no one has a right to criticize anyone elses decision. we all have enough guilt to live with!
On to the subject of plants!!!! We put our garden in last weekend because rain was predicted for most of the week. Well, despite much cloudiness and sprinkles, the ground is still dry!!! We are watering every day to get things going. If it stays dry like this, I'm sure the bugs will start eating everything in sight! Good news is my calla lilies are pushing through the soil!!!! Can't wait for them to bloom!!!
Okay, haven't coughed in 15 minutes. That's a good sign. Need to get the big air conditioner into the dining room today. I'm glad I got Mom's and our bedroom ones in during the week. This humidity and heat make my asthma act up worse.
I know I didn't address everyone, but my head is pretty fuzzy. Hope you all have an easy day!
Cattails/
Often it depends on what part of the brain is being damaged by ALZ, although there seems to be a common pattern, and having a scan and talking to experts can give you a better idea what is going on and what is in store for you. Also, there may be some medications that could help her.
I think you need to realize and accept that your SIL will not be there to help, so you need to let go of that. For whatever reason, she just can't do it and it's not about her schedule, it's about her limitations. You can spend months and years being angry with her, but your energy would be better used hiring some help to give you a break from MIL.
tbailey: You are in charge here, like it or not. You are the one who needs to figure this out and get the ball rolling on additional help. Don't look to relatives. It's not going to happen. Don't waste your emotions on being angry with them. You decide what you need and then get the help and let your mil's funds pay for that help.
You took on your mil's care with an understanding that you would get more help from her daughter. So now you know that isn't going to happen. Accept it. But here's the thing; if you don't want to take care of her now, understanding that it's all up to you, then you have a right to change your mind. At the end of the day, you are the one doing all the work, so you get to decide and don't let anyone give you any shit over it. Not even your husband. It's his mom and if he wants her in his home then he better get on board and come up with a solution that helps his wife.
My dad has vascular dementia, due to stroke. It's still dementia, but not as progressive as ALZ. I feel so sorry for him and, truthfully, I just wish so much he would pass away. Two years ago, he would have been so opposed to living the way he is now. However, since he has come home, he doesn't seem to grasp the lack of quality of life he endures. I don't think he has a clue what I go through to take care of him. It just doesn't register. Maybe it's better that way. It would make his life worse to fully comprehend the situation that he is in or the hardship he is creating for us. I don't want him to feel any of that.
Tbailey: You are a very good person, a good wife, a good mom to young children and a gracious heart to take your mil out of a nursing home and bring her into your home. You are in charge so make the necessary decisions to help you cope. Don't waste your time or emotions on sil. Slap your hubby up side the head and do what is best for you and your children. Whatever you decide, I have the utmost confidence in you.
Love, Cattails.
Cattails.
Cattails I hate to hear about your dad. I rembember When I first got on here you really helped me with the alarms & helping give me ideas . Hope he gets to feeling better...
Hello 195Austin hope you are having a good day!!!
dtflex I hope you enjoy your mini vacation...You deserve it!!!!!
Suzmarie try not to be so hard on yourself Sometimes it just dont work out but we have to take care of ourselves. Easy for me to say I need to listen....
Hope to have time to get on later...
Hope you all have a great memorial weekend Im hoping to get MIL out to go to my mothers grave & grandparents are at same place. then Im the only one that ever puts anything on husbands dads grave which he is burried at va cemetary so Id like to go there to The In laws have always said well we are glad you go it just is to hard on us........UGH...Probaly wont get to though suppose to be like 90's this weekend...
Christina, I hope you don't mind but I am going to try out that website as well. I just got rid of the rolly-polly putting out Seven Dust 5% so that it don't hurt the animals outside n birds... Now, I am dealing with the ugle crickets and ants!
Cricket, I enjoy planting real flowers too but, I also put a few Dollar Store flowers out their for it gets very hot n dry here. I also love digging in the dirt, I think I got that from my Grandma from my dad's side of the family. ; )
Cattail, I am sorry that your dad is having trouble being able to walk on his own. I can see why you will not get a nap n site. I be scared to death if that happen to mnl all the time and I'm not sure if I could handle that after i have tried to prevent that from happen. You can only do so much and you are the only one that will know when it is more than you can handle when it comes to that time to make that decision about the NH.
Dtflex, I hope you two have a wonderful mini vacation in Charleston and just breathe, relax n enjoy y'all self.
Suzmarie, You are only human just like everyone else here and everyone is different and that is what makes us so unique. With that said, you are the only one that knows how much could n could not handle. Try not to feel any of those regrets for it was affecting your health as well. Go live your life..... ; )
Anyone else that I may have not mention, I hope y'all have a blessed day. I am going to try n get out of the house for a few hrs and take care some stuff while hopefully the mnl don't start talking crap that she don't feel like going with the Neice out to eat at her favorite place. She has become my shadow.... Everyone cross their finger n wish me luck. I need a breather.!
"I done had my bath in May" haha I love this one. Can anyone guess what Movie it was from?
Chirp chirp! Cricketღ
Christina: Thanks for your honest comments. That's how I feel too, that my dad would get better care here and that's what makes things more difficult. Still, I am hopeful that I can find a really good facility for him. I've missed hearing your voice.
Cattails.
I think I have said this before, so I really don't want to rehash it. Going over the same miserable crap and justifications gets old and boring. I think most things in life are worth experiencing and I am really glad I was able to take care of my Mother even though-- yada yada yada.
I don't care what any one thinks about what I do, if it's good or bad-- who is anyone to judge another's life decisions? I am doing everything I need to do for my Mother, I have selfish siblings, too, but I am moving forward with my own life and am fulfilled. I have balance, enjoyment, school and my creative work. I wish the same for all of you. And it's not " the easy way out". Haha. That's a good one. Watch out for those chemical restraints, too. Some elders need it to manage erratic brain behavior, otherwise, the caregiver has to take the chemicals to get through the daily, manic multi tasking.
I rest my case and my index finger. It's been real. Good night. xo
Well, my dad took a fall tonight. SHIT!!! Took another 10 years off my life. Over time, he's come to the point where he can't get out of bed on his own; at least not all the way. So things have calmed down at night, except we have to check on him every 2 -3 hours because he'll pull the covers back and get his legs out the side of the bed and then just lay there. So we have to worry about him getting cold .
Evidently, he has devised a new way to get up. He got out of bed and made it part way to the bathroom, took a wrong turn into the walk-in closet and then fell. Thank God he didn't hit his head on the drawers and thank God he didn't get into the bathroom and fall on the tile floor. All I can picture is him bashing his head in and bleeding to death due to blood thinners; or breaking a bone, or his neck or something. My heart is still pounding.
I envy people who say they can take a nap while their parent is sleeping. I can never take my eyes off him because you never know when he's going to wake up and try to get out of his recliner during the day.
He went to bed earlier than usual tonight; around 7pm. I was so tired, I went to bed around 7:30pm. Bless my husband, he was checking on dad about every 45 minutes. Figured he'd want to get up to use the bathroom a couple of times this evening since he went to bed so early.
Hubby got him sitting up against the wall and then came and got me to help get dad off the floor, to the bathroom and back to bed. Anyway, he doesn't seem any worse for the ware, but I can't get the what if's out of my head.
And today, another pretty day, with lots needing done outside; I was stuck in the house on sentry duty. I told myself, "Well, he's been here just short of 8 months now and he hasn't had a fall." Kind of giving myself a pat on the back.
We had his bed set up with a pressure alarm, but it started to malfunction about a month ago and since he was no longer able to get out of bed on his own, I didn't replace it. I'll be ordering a new one first thing in the morning. For now, we've got the pressure alarm from his recliner on the bed.
Cricket: I appreciated what you said to Christina about her putting her mom in a nursing home. I hope that goes for me too. No one here has directly commented to me about my post regarding our decision to go forward with a Medicaid app. to have my dad placed. I was hoping you all weren't thinking I was a bad person taking the easy way out.
I'm sure it will be some months to get anything accomplished with Medicaid, but it's not an easy decision and you can't help but have some guilt and heart ache. I know I won't have any real peace in my life until he is with God.
Well, wide awake now. Hope tomorrow is a really good day for everyone.
Cattails.
I think and have already informed my children that if I ever get to the point where I need help caring for me that they are to put me in a NH where they can come visit me. I would rather die that put this kind of obligation on my children. I'd rather have them visit me to show their love and let the professionals do the job part of caregiving. As long as they put me in a place with handsome orderly's I'm good, lol Only thing is the older I get the more Evil Cricket comes to life and I somehow don't ever see her in a NH but more like super gluing a thumb tack to the end of her cane and going around poking people in their butts saying "Out of my way you whipper snapper!" Oh the fun to be had under the crown of grey hair!
Lildeb, thanks for the idea but I really love caring for my plants, it's therapy for me. I just don't like using pesticides and herbicides even though I still use the granule type in my potted plants. Here in Florida it's like living in a jungle as far as bugs go, citronella never worked here except for a foot around the plant. I keep my plants inside a screened patio and still it's bad. That's why I only grow flowers.
Deef, Evil Cricket say's to tell the hubby that since he's not working or hasn't had a job in awhile that he can take over the Caregiving while you get a job, lol. I bet he will find work asap!
Well that's all from the Jungle tonight,
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I took mom to another nh today. She actually seemed to like this one. Its a little further away than some of the others, but this is the most responsive I've seen her to any of the places. Now I just need to qualify to buy mom's house to pay for her care. One step at a time.
My best friend's dad is having surgery tomorrow for an intestinal blockage. He is 84 so I hope everything goes well.
I'm glad this week is almost over. It has been good and bad. I'm just tired again between trying to catch-up at work, taking care of mom and looking at NH's and financing the care. I still have a lot of anger pent up inside me towards my sibs. Kathy, I certainly understand your feelings towards your sister. They have no idea how demeaning it is when they grill you over money like you're some sort of criminal. Is it stupid for me to feel like my sibs should take some responsibility for my attempted suicide? They are so f'ing stupid that they don't see it was their cruelty that drove me over the edge. I know I am the only one that can take responsibility for my actions, but shouldn't they be responsible for their bad behavior?
I'm looking forward to my day in Charleston on Monday. It will be nice for my b/f and I to have some fun time. All we ever seem to do together is yard work, cooking or running errands. No carefree time to relax
I'm watching Duets while mom is dozing in her recliner. I'm trying to keep her upright at least until 10 since she didn't finish dinner until about 8:45pm. We had a late dinner since we went to look at the NH. She is complaining she isn't feeling well now, so let me get going.
I hope you all have as good a night possible.
Love ya,
Diane
Cricket, you planted one of my favorite shrubs! Plumbago reminds me of a blue pelargonium, same kind of flowers.
There seems to be a giant gray haze over the planet. The energy was pretty weird out there today. I got off the freeway and there were 15 police cars pulling over 1 pick up truck with 2 guys in it. The bank manager trainee pounced on me as I entered the bank, asking lyrically: "What brings you into the bank today"? Well, let's see: probably not closing my account of millions cause I'm flying to the Caymans. Pomp. When someone does that to me, my ears go back and my eyes squint like a cat. I hate phony hype and I just want to make a deposit. He went on and on. I was the only customer in the bank and at least 20 not busy bank employees. What's with customer service? They either ignore you or act phony. I told the teller, who was obviously uncomfortable in her own animation, "really, it's not necessary or appreciated to be treated like that. Tell your manager. Just be real." She looked at me with big vacant eyes and asked me if I would like my balance on the receipt. Ok. What the f--- ever.
I'm safe at home now. Hope all of you are and all your elder charges are safe, too. I'm taking marigolds with me to the bank next time. Love, Christina xo
Thanks Christina for the update on AnnT's Mom. I will send her an email.
Have a good day everyone.
Love Cricketღ