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Hey Linda, so good to see you posting. I think of you often. Cricket and Cattails, I'm accepting that I cannot continue caring for mom unsupported. So to make sure mom gets the best care possible and gets the best me possible I am at least looking at the NH options. I want mom to be an active participant in this selection. Mom's LTC insurance is good for another 2 years which will help substantially with the NH costs. The reason my sibs want to sell the house is because they don't want to put any more funds into mom's care, so it must come from her only asset, her home. I have spoken to my mom's accountant about trying to purchase this house so that would give mom the fund's needed for her care and me the home I love. I have found out I am eligible for a program through the USDA that has special loan options and 100% loan programs. They are mailing the application to me today. Being pissed off only gets me so far, I need to take constructive action to try find a solution.
Oops, time is running away from me. I have an appointment with a counselor at 3pm and I have to get there early for the reams of paperwork. Have a good day and I'll keep you posted.
angelhair- im with u spiritly , watchin dad fadin away just so hurt so much , he wasnt in pain at all which is a good thing . i still miss my dad so much . i have his picture on my phone as a background . i hug and kiss my phone so much . gawd i miss my daddy . have not looked for a job yet , just dont want to . i dont know if im comin or going . damn it all . jen- im glad u told ur aunt how it was at your place . i know i hated it when someone tells me theyre havin a blast and im stuck at home , im not stuck at home anymore and i still feel like im stuck at home .... flex- hope things gets brighter at your way real soon . cricket- u always make me smile . love you girl ! rest of you all and newbies . big hugs to you and hug ur parents for me . i miss huggin and kissin pa every day . i sure miss takin care of him . i miss his smiles and i miss his fussy wussy pooie . :) .. austin- huggies at your way .... love u all and have a happy day ... xoxo
Diane: Would you tell us more about what is going on with your situation right now. It sounds like your brother is taking over the finances for your mom and with the appointments that you are scheduling for NH visits, it sounds like that is becoming more of a consideration. Maybe this is due to your mom's LTC policy coming to an end this year.
Diane, I know it's difficult, but try to take one day at a time. Take deep breaths and keep telling yourself that things will work themselves out. I know it sounds trite, but put your faith in God and believe that whatever happens, you will get through it. I'm glad you are making the appointment with your counselor.
Keep posting and let us help where we can. We all love you Diane. You are a loving, worthwhile person. Love and Hugs, Cattails
Cattails, you're right I was up late last night, and the night before..however it was by choice. I am a night owl and always have been by nature. I force myself most of the time to get to bed earlier and up earlier for better health but now and then I just go with the flow. Thank you for your loving comments. I'm really glad you had the chance to get away and go see family! We all need that so much. I really miss my children and grandchildren in California but hopefully I will get to make the trip out there in the fall. I see you are staying busy responding to many questions here on AC! Good for you!! I need to get busy now and get to doing my chores. Have a great day! Cricketღ
Safety glasses? hehe what a glamorous life we live! Good Morning,
Diane,
Dad is doing much better than expected. His Dementia progression is the most notable affect from his stroke. Thankfully he didn't suffer any paralysis or speech impediment. We will be seeing his primary doctor next week for follow up.
It's rainy and gloomy here also and it has a negative affect on me as well. A few months back I purchased one of those sun type lamps that I keep on whenever I'm sitting at my computer and it helps. The reason I got it was to help my body with Vitamin D to counteract Depression. Don't give up and feel defeated....just acknowledge your feelings and continue to let them flow, chose to think that "everything will work out". Going to a counselor is good, I pray you find the perfect one for you. I am thinking that finding a "life coach" would be something very positive and help you to see more options you might have with all the details and decisions? Their are many around and easy to find. If you're not familiar with Life Coaching it is a person who is a professional at looking at your personal traits, your personality type and your strengths. Then they can help you see what decisions and choices would be best for you to make your life better. A Life Coach is someone that helps you to improve any area of your life, like with Career, Family, Friends, Emotions and Health, they are helpful but not judgmental. I think its an even more hands on way of counseling. You can even get hooked up with a coach online.
What about your Mom just signing over the house deed to you? You could put the house in your Name and just take over the payment and ownership. I wonder if it would be a lot cheaper to hire the extra help to supplement the LTC than going into a NH? Or have you already made that decision? I am thinking that there are always options and if we can help you figure something out it would be great. xoxo Love you! Cricketღ
It's very stormy and gloomy here today. Kind of matches my mood since I'm feeling very sad and angry about the situation mom and I are in. She is scared to death about going to a nursing home and I'm scared to death about losing my home. What a pair we are.
Woke up with a bad headache through the night and was up for quite awhile. I just laid in be listening to the stormy weather. Thankfully mom slept through it.
I'm feeling very defeated today. Not a good way to start the day. I have the name of a counselor to call to set up an appointment and 3 NH to call and set up appointments to visit. I also need to call the accountant that helps me with mom's taxes and find out if I can use my 401K to try make a down payment on a home. I've even been wondering if I could buy this house from my mother.
Angelhair, I'm keeping you in my prayers. Cricket, in all my woes I never asked how dad was doing now that he was home. Any visible effects from his stroke? Has anyone heard from the Captain? I'm getting very worried about her.
every time i eat with my grandma i have to wear safety glasses!! she talks when she has food in her mouth and it usually ends up some where on my face!!!
Jen: I'm sorry your relatives are so clueless. How they can be that way in beyond me. How they can email you about what a great time they are having while you and your mom are stuck in a never ending cycle is just #$%&$* sick.
I'm sorry to hear about your neighbor, but I am also struck by your blunt (although factual) comment. It just seemed so cold to me.
Jen, is there anything you can do for yourself that does not involve your mom or your pervert grandfather. Can you take a walk, just get out of that house? I know you don't drive, but can you take a bus, anything to give you some space from the day in and day out sameness of your unhappiness.
There is a world that exists beyond the one you live in. I wish I could pick you up in my car and just drive forever. Is it possible that you could qualify for some medical assistance and get into therapy? Your life is precious, you are precious. Jen, think about this and find your power. It's there, but you have to claim it.
I'm sending you love and white light and hoping you will take some action. Any action. Love to you my friend, Cattails.
I have a little more time right now so I just wanted to tell you about my visit with Amanda. On Saturday, I got to sit in with her when she had her final fitting for her wedding dress. She looked absolutely beautiful. My grandson-in-law to be is such a wonderful guy. I just love him. I got to meet his family and extended family at a family get together they had Saturday evening. Nice people and very welcoming. On Sunday, I spent the day with Brad and Amanda. It was a special Mother's Day for me. We had a great day. Flew home Monday.
Amanda called today, she finally got all her final grades from the semester that just finished. She took 17 units and most of them were pretty hard classes, but she managed to get all A's and a 4.0 average. She also works 25 to 30 hours a week, so I don't know how she does it. She wants to get her degree in Forensic Accounting and is currently applying for an internship with several accounting firms. She has 3 more years of college to get everything she needs, but she wants to cram it into 2 years, so she wants to take 19 units next year, plus the internship which will be 20 hours a week. Plus, she says she will still have to pull a few shifts at her waitressing job because even though the internship is a paid position, it's not much money. I think she might be pushing herself too hard, but if I told her that she would bite my head off, and that just wounds me to the core, so I keep my mouth shut. (I know that's hard to believe.) She'll figure it out. We help her with her college costs as much as we can, but she still has to take out student loans. I don't know how kids manage these days. College is so expensive and they walk away with so much debt.
Deef: I'm sorry you don't have grandchildren. Your comment really touched my heart. I just have the one. One son and one grandchild. Hey, Deef, I could have sure used your help today. My husband and I are putting up the poly walls on our greenhouse. It's slow going and I guess we will get into the groove, but I just thought to myself, if Deef was here we'd be done by now.
Ok, everyone, that's my blab for tonight. Love you, Cattails.
Angelhair thinking of you & your family I hope you take care of yourself.... deefer I know it just really helps me get on here and not only vent but relate just when I'm just to the point I want to go sit down & get on laptop sign on & VENT I read some of the post & realize my day hasnt been so bad. I have been taking some of my advice gals on here give me to do more for myself & been getting outside walking dog cleaning up yard & my husband has been home so he has been helping he goes back to work & daughter has school just me and the MIL ... My plan to paint a middle room wide hallway. Wish me luck. Took me about 2 months to paint the bathroom 2 colors and I still don't have it decorated. Oh well thanks for letting me blab bless you all...
tee hee...aunt sent me an email saying they were at the beach and went shopping and going LITERALLY to Disneyland....When she asked how things were her I let her know we spent twenty minutes trying to get her father up off the floor mom was too worn out to bathe him etc....whatever. Its all relative. Relatives?
Our neighbor across the street committed suicide yesterday...His struggles are over.
Angelhair: Just wanted to say I am thinking about you and your family. I pray your FIL passes soon and is at peace. I think it is lovely that you are going to sing that special song at his service. Sending you calm and peace and God's blessings. Cattails.
Well, nothing like some good poop stories to get my day off to a good start. Pulling turds out of the toilet is priceless and poor suzmarie, OMG, what a nightmare. Lord have mercy, what we go through.
Diane, I'm happy your bosses are working with you on the situation. I feel relieved that they are insisting that you keep your doctor appointments and get regular counseling. That's huge.
I liked Cricket's comments about dealing with fears. It reminds me of a quote, maybe it was Mark Twain who said, "Some of the worst things in my life never happened."
Worry is not action and sometimes the best thing to help elevate worry is to take a tiny step or action in the direction you want to go. That can be empowering and a positive release. It breaks the cycle of paralysis that fear and worry holds on us.
Well, back to poop, got to get dad to the bathroom.
Thanks Cricket! I choose to be positive most of the time. There is depression and other mental disorders in my family. I did not get those genes, but I did get the autoimmune issues and other health issues that I prefer to the mental side. I get depressed for short periods but always manage to find my way out pretty quickly. I have a lot on my plate as we all do. I was away from the thread for a long time, but have decided to get back to helping where I can. I choose to be positive with everyone here. I don't want to cause anyone to feel less of themselves if I can help it. We are all in this "boat" together and need to be there for each other as much as we can. Lord knows we can't get any notice or help from our government! Diane, I'm so proud of you! Maybe your brother's problems have opened his eyes to what you are going through. Nice of him to spend the night. Just knowing you could go to sleep and not worry about checking on your mom must have been wonderful. Angelhair, thinking of you! Mom was a mess this AM. Couldn't get her to open her mouth for her pills, teeth, or breakfast. My patience is slowly leaving the building!!! We were 20 minutes late to daycare. She finally snapped out of it and let me put her teeth in so she could eat some pancakes. I was exhausted by the time I dropped her off. Now I am doing laundry and trying to contact her insurance company about her IRA. $$ is almost gone and the bills are piling up. LTC will be gone by November, so I have to find some $$ fast. I hate this sh!t! Guess i better just suck it up and move on. Got to go out to the bank and pick up some cat food. Them Mom has to be picked up at 3. Merry is off today so I am on my own. Hope Mom is in a good mood after daycare! Have a good day everyone!
Three days now with FIL in bed. No drink, no food. Just laying there slowly fading away, rarely opening his eyes and only reacting when we change him or reposition him and that is to groan and moan and flinch in pain. He's suffering so much. I wish he would pass on so he can finally be at peace. Anyway, thanks for the hugs and comments, you have no idea how much they mean to me. I've also got to learn a song because MIL wants me to sing at the funeral when he does go. It is the song she sang to him on their wedding. I hope I do it justice.
Diane-I am so happy your brother stayed with you! Whatever the reason-as long as you benefit then that is all that matters! You sound like you are in a good place-keep it up! We are all here for you! Crickett-I completely understand your words to me regarding my suggestion. I should have picked the screen name "Pollyanna" because I always want to find the best in people-give them a chance to see things for what they really are-do the right thing... I know it doesn't work that way a lot of the time! I have found things out about some of my own siblings that I wish I hadn't and can't believe. But, that is life. I definitely would not want to make Diane's situation worse-and from the sounds of the sibs-it could. And Diane said they will never get it-and she would know best! I read the post to my 19 year old about grabbing the poop out of the toilet to show off-just to let him see how good we really have it here! He almost gagged! Too funny. Keep the stories coiming! Have a good day all! Mame
I really appreciate your comments and insights. It is so helpful to all of us when we speak up and share our thoughts and experiences with each other and your words to and about Diane has so much strength and empathy in them, they go a long way.
I too have experienced the feelings of dread that follow the constant fear of something and I know how it can control your every waking moment. The thing that helped me overcome this constant state of dread cause by fear was again, my thinking. I had to change my thoughts to change my feelings and that was really hard because the fear was very real, very legitimate. I know both you, Diane, and many of us are dealing with this type of fear and It can totally take away your energy and cut deep into the soul.
Every time I would catch myself thinking about "my fear thoughts" I would force myself to think about something that made me feel good inside. It took some practice and I still have the fear because the situation is still there but it's no longer so intense that it immobilizes me like before. Now when it comes up I say to myself...all is well right this moment and if it happens I will figure it out. This keeps the fear from being real to me now even though it is something that hasn't happened yet or might not ever happen. Think thoughts that make you feel good right now and let go of the past and the future because they are not our reality now. If we learn to live in the moment of today, and reach for higher thoughts and feelings then more higher thoughts come to us that will create better feelings. By doing this we don't allow fear to dominate us but rather we let love in and it will choke the fear out. It how we show love for ourselves.
Diane, I am so proud of you. You are keeping those emotions flowing instead of getting stuck in them. You've gone from feeling helpless to angry and now to disappointed, it all feels awful I know but moving threw all the emotional stages is how you cope and figure things out. Don't get stuck in the confusion, pray for faith and courage. Ask God (whoever he is to you) to help you find the right solutions. Anything can happen. If we can help you figure out any specifics please let us know, paint the real picture for us and you know we are here for you always willing to help in anyway we can. xoxo
LilDeb and Suzmarie, omg..the poop stories just keep coming! You girls had me in stitches this morning! Thanks for sharing, I think, LOL *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Surprisingly the bro stayed overnight so I could get some more rest. I think he realizes some of the meds I am on right now are kicking my butt. I am supposed to be weaned off the most sickening of the pills this week. Ut was one given as a preventative so I didn't have seizures while my body was prossessing the overdose and then the withdrawl. I don't want to ever do this to myself again. Kathy, you and I must have been posting at the same time. Thank you and everyone else that has offered support and encouragement. I know your mom has LTC insurance too. It is this same life saving insurance that is keeping mom from qualifying for Medicaid. So if mom is put in a NH, she will be charged the full monthly fee. Her LTC insurance will only pay about 50% of that cost, the remainder would have to come from somewhere. Since the sibs aren't willing to invest that much per month, what is their next step,sell mom's only asset her home. When they sell the home, guess who has nowhere to go. It seems silly to most becuz everyone says ok, rent a place. Between working shorter hours and acquiring more debt while trying to care for mom my income doesn't go very far. Plus, I've put 9 years of hard work into making my home and yard comfortable for us and I don't see why I should be the only one making continuous sacrifices for my mom. I would do anything for my mom, but they are being plain unfair about this whole thing. Thanks again for the support and for listening to my complaining. I'm hoping letting it out will be better than poisening myself with the anger and resentment I feel towards my sibs. At least my brother is trying. He is also having some issues himself. I'm not sure what is going on, but I do know his wife is not living at home with him right now. Well my dear friends, I have things I need to get done today like set-up a new bank account so my brother can take over all of mom's accounts. Have as good a day possiblle and I will keep you all in my prayers.
Deefer, I did have a person come out from Area Aging Agency and they are trying to get me some help. I don't need a lot of help just a few hours once a wk to get away to breathe for she only in the moderate AD stages. She does pretty good for herself and I think she just get so dependent on me that now she has become my shadow. I guess in later stages I will become her shadow keeping eye on her. ;]
Diane, at least you have a great excuse if they think you are a pain n the ass. You are the caregiver!!!!! They don't understand for they don't offer any help. Gosh that makes me so angry when family members judge other family members when they don't know the 'whole situation n what all is involved day-t0-day!:!!!!! I am screaming for you Diane. I am glad your brother at least step up to the plate for a few hours but it dosen't help your living situation and their is no way you are disappointing your mom for you can only do so much and you have donethat and some. Never think that for you are a great person to go out of your way to take care of your mom. I do hope someone has some advice for you on the living situation. You are in my prayers.
Cricket, I am jumping up-n-down that you let them know how it is and in a great way. I love the part about, "break the damn record and remake a new one." That was awesome!!! love it, love it, love it.
Diane, I am so happy that your boss is working with you on your hours and to try and keep your job. I was not sure if your sibs were trying to sale the house to help pay for the NH for your mom or just trying to be hurtful. It seems from what I am reading it just plain hatefullness. You are the only one that really knows what you have done for years for your mom and still doing. I agree what Cricket said and eventually your depression will fade away after you quick listen to the toxic family members. Let their butt take on like Cricket mention, Hands on day to day caregiving beings they have all the answer yet not the real insight. You go girl!
Suzmarie, I can see why you might gag about poop everywhere. I have a weak stomach when someone up and before you know it I will be doing the same. I guess, I might have to put some vicks up my nose if my mnl starts doing the poo stuff. Right now she just sticks her hand in toliet and grabs the turd to show me she that she is not constitpated n then she will squish it with her fingers. Of course, its all between her long finger nail. Yuck! I keep telling her no, don't put your hand in the nasty toliet. However, she a pretty quick ole lady for 80.
I would had thought that someone from the dentist office would had tried to understand and help you somewhat. At least they offer some freaking gloves! You do have to admit that they do keep you on your toes sometimes. I hope you have a nice day.
The nh uses big cloth napkins as bibs. might help in keeping clothes less dirty. Since all of you have spoken of gross....i gag and gag when i see poop at the bottom of the toilet. don't know why and i can't seem to get past it. one time however, and i don't know how i did it, mom had a diarrhea accident all over the dentist bathroom floor. then she walked in it and down the hall on their white carpeting. She came into the waiting room where i was waiting for her. she didn't say a word. Then here comes the staff and they pointed to the mess. i got on my hands and knees and was scooping up and tossing what i had in the sink. eventually the staff gave me rubber gloves. didn't gag once. how i did it i will never know.
To keep poo off the walls etc go in the bathroom with your lo and prevent the spread of the poo before it occurs if you can.
Diane, you are amazing, don't think otherwise. You've been working and caring for your Mother. She might not understand now, but she would have been very proud of you. I pray some solution comes up besides selling your home, but if you have to start over, sometimes that's not all bad either. With everything you have been taking care of all this time, you can do anything. Angel, sorry about your FIL. I do know how hard it is to watch someone slowly fade away. Studies have shown, that in the end when people quit eating and drinking, that the body releases endorphins, putting the patient in an almost euphoric state. It is why sometimes terminal patients quit asking for their pain meds. I don't understand why people want to come see your FIL now, he isn't a shadow of himself anymore. I would tell people it is too late, and he isn't up to visitors. You and your MiL, and your husband and children have enough to take care of right now, besides dealing with visitors. You are all in my prayers.
Cricket & Mame, thank you both. My sibs will never understand. I've tried to communicate over and over and all I get is that I'm a pain in the ass that can never be satisfied. Cricket, you made some very valid points about trying to change the recording with positive affirmations. I took mom to the doctor this afternoon and most of the appointment was spent discussing the situation. She was very kind and compassionate, but also to the point. I'm in a bad situation and don't have the funds to independently to provide the care I need for mom. I guess the reality is that my mother gave birth to three of us, but for whatever reason, I will be the one to make the sacrifices to provide for her care. I am really sad my hand is being forced and I will have to sell my house to provide the care my mother needs since I can't do it alone. I know this isn't a rational fear, but I fear ending up homeless and on the street. I feel like I'm losing the security of my home and disappointing my mother.
Well gang, I have to get dinner yet. My brother did stay with mom a few hours so I could get some rest and I passed out. So dinner got a very late start.
Have a good night and prayers and hugs to each of you with your own dilemmas.
Okay, read everyone's comments and would like to weigh in on Diane's dilemma. Diane, I am in the same position as you when it comes to my home. Mom signed the house over to me 2 1/2 years ago. I have lived here for 59 of my 61 years. My daughter and her husband live here. mom lives here. There is a law in this state that protects the family member that lives in the home with the person they are caring for. Still, I worry that if Mom goes to the NH, the house will be taken to pay for her care. I know your fear completely, and I also know that Mom would not do well away from home, even though she has not a clue most of the time. When she was at the NH for rehab, a full month, twice, I was there every day to feed her dinner and get her ready for bed. It was a good place, but like all of them, short staffed. Mom was constantly trying to get up on her own. It was only a matter of time before she fell and got hurt really bad. there were times I was visiting and saw no staff at all for 30 minutes at a time. Mom was too zoned out to feed herself and they had no one to sit and feed her, so we made sure someone was always there for lunch and dinner. Her meds were sometimes 2 hours late. If you know someone with PD, they need their meds on time or they turn to a catatonic mess! It takes hours to get them back. I agree with cricket in the fact that you are ready to fight back. You need your meds and regular counseling so you don't fall into that hole again. I do agree that I will also have to make a decision on Mom some day, but in the meantime I cope as best as I can. The constant fear of losing my home ever hanging over my head. Everyone's advice is as always more helpful than you will ever know and each of us will take what we need from each others words of wisdom. There is no wrong or right for any of us. This is definitely a personal choice we all have to make for ourselves. The experiences of all of us can only help! We are in this together and need to keep showing our support to each other no matter what OUR personal choices are. Angelhair, Sorry to hear your Fil is failing so fast. Dehydration is a huge factor in their surviving. Making him comfortable is all you can do now. Lildeb, keep searching! There are places to get help, it just takes time to hunt them down. Check with your local senior center. There is usually someone on staff that knows all the area elder services. Cattails, Sounds like you had a nice visit! Okay, sink full of dishes!
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Cricket and Cattails, I'm accepting that I cannot continue caring for mom unsupported. So to make sure mom gets the best care possible and gets the best me possible I am at least looking at the NH options. I want mom to be an active participant in this selection. Mom's LTC insurance is good for another 2 years which will help substantially with the NH costs. The reason my sibs want to sell the house is because they don't want to put any more funds into mom's care, so it must come from her only asset, her home. I have spoken to my mom's accountant about trying to purchase this house so that would give mom the fund's needed for her care and me the home I love. I have found out I am eligible for a program through the USDA that has special loan options and 100% loan programs. They are mailing the application to me today. Being pissed off only gets me so far, I need to take constructive action to try find a solution.
Oops, time is running away from me. I have an appointment with a counselor at 3pm and I have to get there early for the reams of paperwork. Have a good day and I'll keep you posted.
Love ya,
Diane
have not looked for a job yet , just dont want to . i dont know if im comin or going . damn it all .
jen- im glad u told ur aunt how it was at your place . i know i hated it when someone tells me theyre havin a blast and im stuck at home , im not stuck at home anymore and i still feel like im stuck at home ....
flex- hope things gets brighter at your way real soon .
cricket- u always make me smile . love you girl !
rest of you all and newbies . big hugs to you and hug ur parents for me . i miss huggin and kissin pa every day . i sure miss takin care of him . i miss his smiles and i miss his fussy wussy pooie . :) ..
austin- huggies at your way .... love u all and have a happy day ... xoxo
Diane, I know it's difficult, but try to take one day at a time. Take deep breaths and keep telling yourself that things will work themselves out. I know it sounds trite, but put your faith in God and believe that whatever happens, you will get through it. I'm glad you are making the appointment with your counselor.
Keep posting and let us help where we can. We all love you Diane. You are a loving, worthwhile person. Love and Hugs, Cattails
Diane,
Dad is doing much better than expected. His Dementia progression is the most notable affect from his stroke. Thankfully he didn't suffer any paralysis or speech impediment. We will be seeing his primary doctor next week for follow up.
It's rainy and gloomy here also and it has a negative affect on me as well. A few months back I purchased one of those sun type lamps that I keep on whenever I'm sitting at my computer and it helps. The reason I got it was to help my body with Vitamin D to counteract Depression. Don't give up and feel defeated....just acknowledge your feelings and continue to let them flow, chose to think that "everything will work out". Going to a counselor is good, I pray you find the perfect one for you. I am thinking that finding a "life coach" would be something very positive and help you to see more options you might have with all the details and decisions? Their are many around and easy to find. If you're not familiar with Life Coaching it is a person who is a professional at looking at your personal traits, your personality type and your strengths. Then they can help you see what decisions and choices would be best for you to make your life better. A Life Coach is someone that helps you to improve any area of your life, like with Career, Family, Friends, Emotions and Health, they are helpful but not judgmental. I think its an even more hands on way of counseling. You can even get hooked up with a coach online.
What about your Mom just signing over the house deed to you? You could put the house in your Name and just take over the payment and ownership. I wonder if it would be a lot cheaper to hire the extra help to supplement the LTC than going into a NH? Or have you already made that decision? I am thinking that there are always options and if we can help you figure something out it would be great. xoxo Love you! Cricketღ
It's very stormy and gloomy here today. Kind of matches my mood since I'm feeling very sad and angry about the situation mom and I are in. She is scared to death about going to a nursing home and I'm scared to death about losing my home. What a pair we are.
Woke up with a bad headache through the night and was up for quite awhile. I just laid in be listening to the stormy weather. Thankfully mom slept through it.
I'm feeling very defeated today. Not a good way to start the day. I have the name of a counselor to call to set up an appointment and 3 NH to call and set up appointments to visit. I also need to call the accountant that helps me with mom's taxes and find out if I can use my 401K to try make a down payment on a home. I've even been wondering if I could buy this house from my mother.
Angelhair, I'm keeping you in my prayers. Cricket, in all my woes I never asked how dad was doing now that he was home. Any visible effects from his stroke? Has anyone heard from the Captain? I'm getting very worried about her.
I have to run. Have as good a day possible.
Love ya,
Diane
I'm sorry to hear about your neighbor, but I am also struck by your blunt (although factual) comment. It just seemed so cold to me.
Jen, is there anything you can do for yourself that does not involve your mom or your pervert grandfather. Can you take a walk, just get out of that house? I know you don't drive, but can you take a bus, anything to give you some space from the day in and day out sameness of your unhappiness.
There is a world that exists beyond the one you live in. I wish I could pick you up in my car and just drive forever. Is it possible that you could qualify for some medical assistance and get into therapy? Your life is precious, you are precious. Jen, think about this and find your power. It's there, but you have to claim it.
I'm sending you love and white light and hoping you will take some action. Any action. Love to you my friend, Cattails.
Amanda called today, she finally got all her final grades from the semester that just finished. She took 17 units and most of them were pretty hard classes, but she managed to get all A's and a 4.0 average. She also works 25 to 30 hours a week, so I don't know how she does it. She wants to get her degree in Forensic Accounting and is currently applying for an internship with several accounting firms. She has 3 more years of college to get everything she needs, but she wants to cram it into 2 years, so she wants to take 19 units next year, plus the internship which will be 20 hours a week. Plus, she says she will still have to pull a few shifts at her waitressing job because even though the internship is a paid position, it's not much money. I think she might be pushing herself too hard, but if I told her that she would bite my head off, and that just wounds me to the core, so I keep my mouth shut. (I know that's hard to believe.) She'll figure it out. We help her with her college costs as much as we can, but she still has to take out student loans. I don't know how kids manage these days. College is so expensive and they walk away with so much debt.
Deef: I'm sorry you don't have grandchildren. Your comment really touched my heart. I just have the one. One son and one grandchild. Hey, Deef, I could have sure used your help today. My husband and I are putting up the poly walls on our greenhouse. It's slow going and I guess we will get into the groove, but I just thought to myself, if Deef was here we'd be done by now.
Ok, everyone, that's my blab for tonight. Love you, Cattails.
deefer I know it just really helps me get on here and not only vent but relate just when I'm just to the point I want to go sit down & get on laptop sign on & VENT I read some of the post & realize my day hasnt been so bad.
I have been taking some of my advice gals on here give me to do more for myself & been getting outside walking dog cleaning up yard & my husband has been home so he has been helping he goes back to work & daughter has school just me and the MIL ... My plan to paint a middle room wide hallway. Wish me luck. Took me about 2 months to paint the bathroom 2 colors and I still don't have it decorated. Oh well thanks for letting me blab bless you all...
Our neighbor across the street committed suicide yesterday...His struggles are over.
Well, nothing like some good poop stories to get my day off to a good start. Pulling turds out of the toilet is priceless and poor suzmarie, OMG, what a nightmare. Lord have mercy, what we go through.
Diane, I'm happy your bosses are working with you on the situation. I feel relieved that they are insisting that you keep your doctor appointments and get regular counseling. That's huge.
I liked Cricket's comments about dealing with fears. It reminds me of a quote, maybe it was Mark Twain who said, "Some of the worst things in my life never happened."
Worry is not action and sometimes the best thing to help elevate worry is to take a tiny step or action in the direction you want to go. That can be empowering and a positive release. It breaks the cycle of paralysis that fear and worry holds on us.
Well, back to poop, got to get dad to the bathroom.
Love and prayers to everyone.
Diane, I'm so proud of you! Maybe your brother's problems have opened his eyes to what you are going through. Nice of him to spend the night. Just knowing you could go to sleep and not worry about checking on your mom must have been wonderful.
Angelhair, thinking of you!
Mom was a mess this AM. Couldn't get her to open her mouth for her pills, teeth, or breakfast. My patience is slowly leaving the building!!! We were 20 minutes late to daycare. She finally snapped out of it and let me put her teeth in so she could eat some pancakes. I was exhausted by the time I dropped her off. Now I am doing laundry and trying to contact her insurance company about her IRA. $$ is almost gone and the bills are piling up. LTC will be gone by November, so I have to find some $$ fast. I hate this sh!t! Guess i better just suck it up and move on. Got to go out to the bank and pick up some cat food. Them Mom has to be picked up at 3. Merry is off today so I am on my own. Hope Mom is in a good mood after daycare!
Have a good day everyone!
Crickett-I completely understand your words to me regarding my suggestion. I should have picked the screen name "Pollyanna" because I always want to find the best in people-give them a chance to see things for what they really are-do the right thing... I know it doesn't work that way a lot of the time! I have found things out about some of my own siblings that I wish I hadn't and can't believe. But, that is life. I definitely would not want to make Diane's situation worse-and from the sounds of the sibs-it could. And Diane said they will never get it-and she would know best!
I read the post to my 19 year old about grabbing the poop out of the toilet to show off-just to let him see how good we really have it here! He almost gagged! Too funny. Keep the stories coiming!
Have a good day all! Mame
I really appreciate your comments and insights. It is so helpful to all of us when we speak up and share our thoughts and experiences with each other and your words to and about Diane has so much strength and empathy in them, they go a long way.
I too have experienced the feelings of dread that follow the constant fear of something and I know how it can control your every waking moment. The thing that helped me overcome this constant state of dread cause by fear was again, my thinking. I had to change my thoughts to change my feelings and that was really hard because the fear was very real, very legitimate. I know both you, Diane, and many of us are dealing with this type of fear and It can totally take away your energy and cut deep into the soul.
Every time I would catch myself thinking about "my fear thoughts" I would force myself to think about something that made me feel good inside. It took some practice and I still have the fear because the situation is still there but it's no longer so intense that it immobilizes me like before. Now when it comes up I say to myself...all is well right this moment and if it happens I will figure it out. This keeps the fear from being real to me now even though it is something that hasn't happened yet or might not ever happen. Think thoughts that make you feel good right now and let go of the past and the future because they are not our reality now. If we learn to live in the moment of today, and reach for higher thoughts and feelings then more higher thoughts come to us that will create better feelings. By doing this we don't allow fear to dominate us but rather we let love in and it will choke the fear out. It how we show love for ourselves.
Cricketღ
LilDeb and Suzmarie, omg..the poop stories just keep coming! You girls had me in stitches this morning! Thanks for sharing, I think, LOL
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Surprisingly the bro stayed overnight so I could get some more rest. I think he realizes some of the meds I am on right now are kicking my butt. I am supposed to be weaned off the most sickening of the pills this week. Ut was one given as a preventative so I didn't have seizures while my body was prossessing the overdose and then the withdrawl. I don't want to ever do this to myself again.
Kathy, you and I must have been posting at the same time. Thank you and everyone else that has offered support and encouragement. I know your mom has LTC insurance too. It is this same life saving insurance that is keeping mom from qualifying for Medicaid. So if mom is put in a NH, she will be charged the full monthly fee. Her LTC insurance will only pay about 50% of that cost, the remainder would have to come from somewhere. Since the sibs aren't willing to invest that much per month, what is their next step,sell mom's only asset her home. When they sell the home, guess who has nowhere to go. It seems silly to most becuz everyone says ok, rent a place. Between working shorter hours and acquiring more debt while trying to care for mom my income doesn't go very far. Plus, I've put 9 years of hard work into making my home and yard comfortable for us and I don't see why I should be the only one making continuous sacrifices for my mom. I would do anything for my mom, but they are being plain unfair about this whole thing.
Thanks again for the support and for listening to my complaining. I'm hoping letting it out will be better than poisening myself with the anger and resentment I feel towards my sibs. At least my brother is trying. He is also having some issues himself. I'm not sure what is going on, but I do know his wife is not living at home with him right now.
Well my dear friends, I have things I need to get done today like set-up a new bank account so my brother can take over all of mom's accounts. Have as good a day possiblle and I will keep you all in my prayers.
Love ya,
Diane
I am glad your brother at least step up to the plate for a few hours but it dosen't help your living situation and their is no way you are disappointing your mom for you can only do so much and you have donethat and some. Never think that for you are a great person to go out of your way to take care of your mom. I do hope someone has some advice for you on the living situation. You are in my prayers.
Diane, I am so happy that your boss is working with you on your hours and to try and keep your job. I was not sure if your sibs were trying to sale the house to help pay for the NH for your mom or just trying to be hurtful. It seems from what I am reading it just plain hatefullness. You are the only one that really knows what you have done for years for your mom and still doing. I agree what Cricket said and eventually your depression will fade away after you quick listen to the toxic family members. Let their butt take on like Cricket mention, Hands on day to day caregiving beings they have all the answer yet not the real insight. You go girl!
I would had thought that someone from the dentist office would had tried to understand and help you somewhat. At least they offer some freaking gloves! You do have to admit that they do keep you on your toes sometimes. I hope you have a nice day.
To keep poo off the walls etc go in the bathroom with your lo and prevent the spread of the poo before it occurs if you can.
so many unwanted surprises.
Angel, sorry about your FIL. I do know how hard it is to watch someone slowly fade away. Studies have shown, that in the end when people quit eating and drinking, that the body releases endorphins, putting the patient in an almost euphoric state. It is why sometimes terminal patients quit asking for their pain meds. I don't understand why people want to come see your FIL now, he isn't a shadow of himself anymore. I would tell people it is too late, and he isn't up to visitors. You and your MiL, and your husband and children have enough to take care of right now, besides dealing with visitors.
You are all in my prayers.
Well gang, I have to get dinner yet. My brother did stay with mom a few hours so I could get some rest and I passed out. So dinner got a very late start.
Have a good night and prayers and hugs to each of you with your own dilemmas.
Love ya,
Diane
I agree with cricket in the fact that you are ready to fight back. You need your meds and regular counseling so you don't fall into that hole again. I do agree that I will also have to make a decision on Mom some day, but in the meantime I cope as best as I can. The constant fear of losing my home ever hanging over my head.
Everyone's advice is as always more helpful than you will ever know and each of us will take what we need from each others words of wisdom. There is no wrong or right for any of us. This is definitely a personal choice we all have to make for ourselves. The experiences of all of us can only help! We are in this together and need to keep showing our support to each other no matter what OUR personal choices are.
Angelhair, Sorry to hear your Fil is failing so fast. Dehydration is a huge factor in their surviving. Making him comfortable is all you can do now.
Lildeb, keep searching! There are places to get help, it just takes time to hunt them down. Check with your local senior center. There is usually someone on staff that knows all the area elder services.
Cattails, Sounds like you had a nice visit!
Okay, sink full of dishes!