Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

One word, STEROIDS!!! Helped my back out pronto. Hip still abit sore, but able to haul Mom around like usual.
Tbailey, post any way you want. sometimes we skim what is written and miss half the story. I don't think your lack of punctuation is a problem. It's our older attention span! Keep on venting it really does help!
I have help with my mom 4 days a week. She took out LTC insurance 10 years ago and this is now paying for the help for the last 3 years. She is totally dependent on us for doing everything,including feeding. She still makes a huge mess at every meal. She will not, or cannot understand the command to open her mouth so we can put the food in. there are many, many times she closes her mouth before the food is halfway in, and then it goes everywhere. Sometimes it's funny, but after going through this 5 or 6 times a day, it gets old. It's almost impossible to get her meds into her mouth without a monumental effort.
Not sure how much longer we can keep her at home. This week is the start of my 5th year caring for her, and I'm getting pretty worn out. It is what it is and I'll stick with it until I no longer can.
Cold and rainy here for the next couple of days, but we really need it.

All of this reminds me of babies. They can be gross or cute! It is just unbearable with our elders because they are old! Their "stuff" they do can really surprise you. It is also the looks you get from others around you. But, bless their hearts, they (our loved ones) don't realize this. We do! Laughter is the best medicine we can give ourselves. So, laugh. There's plenty of time for other bad emotions.

Tbaily-so you are raising a family-helping your husband in his job and caring for your MIL -this is not fair use her money to have someone come in to care for her everyday-she probably does not even appreciate what you do for her anyway or treat you with respect-you do not deserve to be treated this way-if for some reason this is not acceptable to your husband -then she needs to go to a nursing home-give them all a choice hired help for her or the nursing home.

YEA!!!!! I'm serious I was so happy to see your reply. Yes, I agree thats my problem. I'm always trying to go to fast. With everything I do. Thanks for the advice. I have to say I agreeded to let MIL come live here.And, for the past couple years since she has gotten worse when her roomate left she came here. She would only stay with us out of all 4 kids. I have always heard her say I'm just like one of her own. I just heard my husband & his sister saying how we are going to get mother better we this we that well lately its has been me me me.so after your advice I'm changing things I have to my daughter is not going to suffer. Thanks again for making me feel loved. I'm 40 and yes I know thats young but a old sole. Hugs, Tracy & yes I even need to be reminded to breath. My fed ex lady that picks up says that to me alot.

tbailey: We all love you. You just have to slow down and write in complete sentences. I think most on this site do write in complete sentences and we are older than you. Just breath and think about what you want us to understand.

It sounds like you got roped into bring the MIL home from the nursing home. She can go back and you need to remind your husband of that. If your husband has been one of those busy guys that doesn't take time to go to his kids games, then he's probably not going to want to be disrupted by having to check on his mom. Just another thing he doesn't feel like he has time to do. So that's a question of his priorities.

You have priorities too. You are a mom first and your children will only be this age now. If MIL's presence creates a situation where you children are left out, then set some ground rules. You are going to the games. Tell you hubby no text will be accepted. You guys sit down and figure out how to get in home care that frees you up to be with your kids. If not, MIL goes back to the nursing home. You don't have to be left holding the 24/7 bag and neither do your kids.

Hugs, Cattails.......Don't forget. Breath and use complete sentences.

Thanks Cattails for advice no wonder when I post on here no one ever writes me back they don't know what I'm saying. HA I thought no one liked me this whole time. Not my son my daughter but, the same thing. Thanks for advice I think I will start asking around if anyone knows of anybody. She is great when its not family. My neice on my side of family which my MIL has known since she was little came over and sat one night with her & my daughter she was delightful I was told as soon as I walked in My daughter being 10 years old said MOMMY she was being sooo fake. I'm sure others can relate but I am going to tell the kids if they can't help me on couple nights a week when my daughter has games then I'm hiring somebody. My husband Is her son and I have seen on here where alot of you have the disfunction where boys are put on pedestal thats my MIL. I always thought she favored my husband and his brother. I know my husband is busy but I don't think it's right for him not to go to game or let me go & she can be left after 5:30 is earliest any of her games are because she has done ate all meds given to her. I don't mean left I meen he is in our shop in back yard he can do his job & check on her. I don't want me or my daughter to be resentful. I always went to my other 2 kids school fuctions and killing me to let my daughter down.

I agree with cattails, don't be afraid to find some help. If it is all on your shoulders you might end up resentful and feeling unnapreciated; and that can put a lot of stress on the whole situation not to mention your relationship with you husband and son.

Hi tbailey: Would you do me a favor and use punctuation. I'm too old to re-read posts to make out what's being said. No offense, so please don't take any. I'd just like to be sure I know what you are asking.

By all means, hire help from your mil's funds so both you and your husband can enjoy your son's baseball games. You are so right, your son didn't choose this and you and hubby will be much happier if you can spend time with you son.

Hugs, Cattails

You are all great and keep me going I have to read your advice dailey I give a little bit but wow 8 YEARS yea I bet there are alot of things we will do just to keep laughing... I NEED to vent though Have had my MIL in our home since dec. she didnt want to stay in nursing home and My husband & his sister were all for me taking care of her which I do daily got some help from them when I ask even one brother has steped up and came over and sits with her when I need him to the other sister hates us all but MY 10 year old starts baseball last night first game my neice & dad pick her up to get her there early my 20 year old daughter takes me we are there for 45 min my husband starts txting when will you b home? I think Im ready to speak up I need help & if them 2 dont want to Im going to use MIL money to help pay for some outside help. My husband works and started his own business which I help him with pretty much every day.I just need some advice my 10 year old didnt choose this we did.

Cricket, that is plain evil! A gay bar? I love it!!!!

Cuz, thanks for making me laugh!! We get so caught up on all the seriousness of care taking and it's refreshing to still have a sense of humor. Now I can go to sleep with a smile on my face...... Good Nite!!!!

Oh Cuz, I'm still laughing, can hardly type.

What's Tony's number? I'm starting to nod off in front of Antiques Roadshow (as if the time I spent with antiques today wasn't enough). Tony sounds like much more fun.

Why Ethel changed Hotels

Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.
"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you? . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I' m ready!! Now how does that sound?"
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

My mom is not a gross eater. She just tends to drop stuff a lot. Sometimes I think she is just giving the dog a treat! He knows where to sit under the table-where the pickins are good! She wears her food well-and is funny about certain bibs...One day she likes this one and the next day she hates it! Give it away she says! And the next day she is fine with it again. When she does get food on her chest-she tells me it is on her "shelf"! Haha After dinner, she folds her bib-just so-like 50 times.... a little OCD or something.... We just laugh to ourselves-OH! And when we start clearing the table-she pushes EVERYTHING to the side to "help"...sometimes I am not clearing-I just go to replenish something and I come back and where I was sitting/eating is filled with everything from the table! My husband and kids "let' her OR "help" her to do it cause they think it is hysterical! I guess we just see humor in everything-after 8 years-what is left????

Tbailey, Talk to your Mom's doctor about her eating habits..it could just be part of her dementia but it could also be her way of coping with the pain or she could be low on nutrients.. which will make her crave foods. Whatever it is, if she has a good doctor they should be able to help you with it. It may be nothing to be concerned about also but it's better to find out for both of your sakes. I have done a lot of research on Nutrition and when someone is eating to much food it could be one or several reasons. One reason is because they are using food for a coping mechanism much like people use alcohol or drugs. They are low in nutrients, or even bored like you said and when a person has dementia all kinds of weird and unusual behaviors can occur. Good luck.

Never watch my MIL eat.lol guess im not alone but MIL sounds like bobbie mom Mine I quit giving her too much because I think at this age they were raised that you had to eat it all. My MIL lays in bed though too much we have therapy coming in to try to break her from this she had surgery and has dementia and complains of pain 24/7. BUT EATS all day if anyone has food she is like oh what did you bring me Im just afraid she doing it out of boredness and going to add like 50 pounds.

Deef, I hope your back is getting betterღ Linda, I hope you're getting out of the black holeღ Diane, I hope you're getting out of the black hole alsoღ

Good morning, A couple weeks back Ted either posted or emailed a link to a volunteer study being done for caregivers, if offered to pay $75 to fill out a survey so I did it and was accepted into the program. I don't know about the money yet, but I've discovered that they have an excellent program for caregivers and it's free. I wanted to share this inf. with everyone here because it's an excellent tool to help with depression and mood control with practical short lessons and explanations that really work. It might have been posted here from aging care but I think I heard about it from Ted.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

PS I'm slowly getting over the prostitute episode..thanks for all your comments and mame...I wish I could have laughed about it then but I'm getting there.ღ

Meanwhile2, the baked potato story is priceless!!

Linda I on my way with my shovel to get you out of the darn black hole. I bet the husband is talking you Pa's ear off-after he died I talked to God and apoligized for having to put up with him.

Couldn't stand up straight all of yesterday and half of today. remembered I had some steroid pills from the last time this happened. It wasn't as bad, so I didn't take them. This time was awful!!! remembered the steroids at 6 AM and was able to stand upright for a while this afternoon. Have had sciatic problems for almost 40 years. this was the worst so far and I would have headed to the ER today if I had not thought of the steroids. it's the only thing that helps with a bad bought. Good thing, I will have to deal with mom all by myself the next 3 days while Merry takes a few days off. Mom was very out of it tonight and we both almost fell trying to get her into bed. She is really starting to deteriorate in the past month.
Got to get the trash out in the morning, then her up and dressed and off to daycare. Then I plan on resting as much as I can until I bring her home at 3. Just getting her up, washed, dressed, fed and her hair done does me in for the day!

Linda, sorry you are having such a hard time. Wish you could get back to the boat.
Diane, hope you are doing better today.
Cattails, I park Mom outside in her wheelchair after daycare on warm days. Sometimes it does her good and others, not so good, but it gets me out.
All you horse lovers, one of my younger sisters has a huge house and a brand new barn for her 2 horses. I hear she just got some chickens again. She has a live-in boyfriend that helps her with all the work on the property. her full time job has her on cal 24/7, but she still manages to get out on her Harley and ride the horses and keep up all that land.
Sat on the front porch earlier to knit and watch the sunset. it was beautiful!Hope you all had a good weekend and are ready for another week of fun!!!

Cricket: I don't know if your dad can afford AL, but if you told him there were some easy chicks there he might give it a try. Loved the Gay Bar idea. Hee Hee. You know there are cross dressers too. That would get his motor running right up to the time all was reviled. Woo Baby, I be using my walker and going really fast.

Meanwhile: A baked potato..............pahahahahaha. Hope she let it cool off first.

Cricket: I'd love to park Poodini in the sunshine, but summer is a little slow getting to the great Pacific NW and my dad gets cold easy, even with a jacket and blankets. It's the breeze more than anything. We have a deck off the living room, but it's north facing and he doesn't like to go out there because it's too cool....as least right now. I can get him to the front of the house, it's east facing, but I have to go down a couple of stairs and if he pulls one of his shit magician tricks, I'm screwed. It would be nice if he could give me more that 30 seconds warning, but no such luck. When he's in the kitchen at the breakfast table, I know he has to go when his slippers start moving on the floor. The sound of the scuffling is my alert that I have to get him up, on the walker, and beat feet to the bathroom. I have such an aversion to the chocolate balls, so I try to avoid them at all costs.

Still, you're right. It would be heaven to have him outside and be able to work in the yard. Hopefully things will warm up and I'll just have to take my chances.

Meanwhile: Hubby is happy to trade off and let me mow. We have so much outside to take care of that it would be nice if we could both do it at the same time and move on to something else that needs doing. I miss being a couple instead of a tag team.

Deef: I hope your back is feeling better.

Mame: Glad you got to the zoo on such a beautiful day with your hubby. Awesome.

Linda: Stay in touch. No swimming in the black hole. Tell us what's going on. We all think about you and miss you. I know you miss your dad and Ted's loss brings it back to you, but I'd like to believe that people who are released from suffering go into the light and become reunited with the energy of their youth and the spirits of those they love. That's some good energy. You did so much to make your father's life happy in this world. That's all you could do and I'm sure he is blessing you everyday and watching over you. He wouldn't want to think his leaving left you alone and in a dark place. He'd want you to be free too, and happy. What's going on the the bil. Are you going to be a care giver again? Love to you Linda.

eskape: We all give a shit and I can send you some if you want proof. I hope you stay in touch.

Jen: How are you doing?

I know I've left some folks out, but I dare not go back and check cause I'll lose this post.

By the way, I'm not getting any email alerts regard AC posts, etc. I have to go the the newsthread to see who has posted. Have any of you experienced this and, if so, what should I do?

I'm leaving this Friday to visit my Granddaughter in North Dakota. Fortunately, there is room for dad in respite while I'm gone, so hubby will have a nice break too. Respite is so expensive, but we must do what we must do.

Love to all, Cattails.

OMG Crickett! I would have burst out laughing!!! When we were building the rooms for my mom-we put in pocket doors to save room and at one point she says, "Well, I am glad to have doors for when I have men come to visit." I almost died!!!! My mom has always been so prim and proper-I couldn't believe she said that!!!
I am happy to say, my brother came from out of town and my hubby and I went to the Zoo! I haven't been there since my kids were little! We had such a nice time and it was a gorgeous day weather wise!
Hugs to all! Hope you have a good week! Mame

Linda, your Pa, and Ted's Mom are in the same place now. And, so is my Sam. It is supposed to be a better place. When I get to missing Sam, I tell myself how selfish I'm being, and I thank the Lord for the time we had. It doesn't always work, but sometimes. Your Dad raised a wonderful, kind, loving, daughter.

Cricket your Dad is 90 going on 13. It isn't just your Dad either. I've heard stories of nurses fending off advances from nursing home patients. When I worked in the hospital, I had an old guy, who couldn't walk at all, ask me if I liked older men?. The old farts wife had just left. When I pointed that out, he said, she can't take care of me like a young women could. And, he wasn't talking about cooking and cleaning. The old guy had been married to the same women for 50+ years, and I don't believe he was ever unfaithful. He was just senile, and horny. It isn't just men, The nursing home brought a female patient in one day, with a raging vaginal infection. The doctors found a very rotten, baked potato up there. When asked how that happened, the old lady, said, she missed that full feeling, ever since her husband passed away. Maybe they need to sell some of those sex toys at the nursing home. Cricket, you could always go buy your Dad a Playboy magazine, and then let him lock himself in the bathroom.with it.. Or evil Cricket can buy him the Play Girl magazine. That might kill those urges.
We have this sweet old German lady that comes to the dentist office. We have landscape pictures on the ceiling, over the dentist chair. And, the sweet old German lady, suggested we put pictures of Chippendale's up there. She called them Beefcakes. Anyway, at Christmas time one year the feed store was giving away calenders with pictures of shirtless, well muscled, cowboys. So, I got one, and mailed it to her. I think she really enjoyed it.
Love to everyone. Meanwhile

Prayers to you Linda xoxo, I hate the thought of anyone being in the black hole cause it's an awful place to be :( Try to get on here more often if you can and talk about how you feel, it might help and at least you know we all understand. Love you!

Sskape, I give a shit, sorry I didn't say it before now but this is the first I've been back on since you posted. Just come hang out with us here when you can and Vent, we care.

Cattails..sounds like you had a Poogasim ..lol If it's at all possible get FIL in a wheelchair and take him outside for some fresh air and have him where you can keep an eye on him or maybe even feed the ducks for him to watch (if that's possible). BTW, thanks for the update on Igore :)

Diane, hang in there. Forget about your sister like someone said "she is toxic to you" Distance yourself to protect yourself. You have my prayers also..xoxo

Angelhair, You were so loving to your FIL and understanding. I really admire you along with many others here.

Well here's the latest from my house.. Yesterday Dad asks me if I would ask one of the girls that comes to help me with the cleaning if she knew of a woman who would come and take care of him sexually. As if I would have anyone coming into my home who would even know a hooker, much less allow one in my house to "service him" as he further clarified... I have to tell you that I didn't lose my temper, but I sure wanted to. I told him that under no circumstance would he ever be bringing a prostitute into my house! Then I told him if he wanted that then he could figure out a way to leave the house and go get it on his own! Then he gives me a look that said..you are a bitch. Lalala...he's lucky that's all I said to him. . l am so disgusted. I wanted to box his ears!! I told my husband we should drive him up to a night club to pick up women and he could wheel himself in with his walker, but then instead of it being a nightclub with women it would be a gay bar! Whahahahaha! I would get a home movie of him coming out of there. I tell you Bad Cricket keeps me sain, lol

Love and Hugs all around,
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

ted ..... i am so very sorry for ur loss . big hugs to you ted ```` i hope ure be ok . everything was a fog when i went thru the sad moments . im with you in spirit ... love you ted ...
borrowed sis s puter , letting you all know that i am ok , i tried to read what i missed till i saw ted s mom passed i couldnt read anymore .
im in the black hole swimmin ....
prayers all around , xoxo

Angel, if you lived nearby, you could borrow one of my horses. They could always use more exercise. My cousins daughter, is crazy about horses, but owning one was not in the budget. She found a stable to hang out at, her Mom got her riding lessons when she could afford them. Then one of the ladies at the stable had to have knee surgery, and my cousin worked out a deal for her daughter to share this ladies horse. She got to take him to horse shows, and ride almost whenever she wanted. Hopefully, the situation will open up for you again.
The situation with your FIL is tough. Don't hurt yourself trying to wrestle him around. I know that is easier said then done.
Cattails, I don't know how you manage to keep such a good attitude. Would your husband watch your Dad, and give you a turn on the mower? I know when my husband was sick, I looked forward to going to my job. Indio, (his Marine Corp buddy), would come stay with Sam, while I went to work, just half days.
Omaha keeps getting a little bit better. My sister got on line last night, and ordered a halter with a padded nose band. He is so gentle, I have been leading him around some with his fly mask, and it is just held on with velcro.
Well, I had better get busy. Need to clean house, and work in the garden today. Make up for goofing off all day yesterday. Indio is bringing steaks over to grill for lunch. Yum. I need to fix a salad and maybe a sugar free dessert to go with. Indio has Diabetes, and he is so appreciative if I make him a dessert he can have. . .

Angelhair. You have my sympathy and understanding. You think they are not there and it helps you feel ok that they should just pass on, but then they say something that lets you see they are still there. It affects us. Oh, they're still there. What should I do to make that more real and then the next day they seem to be away again. And you are just back to maintaining the walking dead so to speak. In the meantime, you years just keep ticking away. Cattails.

Meanwhile, how is Omaha doing? I'm glad you had a good day and the old horses got to share it with you.

Angelhair: Think 4 years from now, maybe sooner. You'll have finished school, have a following in your profession. Your husband will hopefully be making more money. Maybe some of those in your care will have gone to their final reward.

You don't have to own a horse to ride. Find some stables that need help exercising horses. I think you should treasure your passions and find a way to fill a couple hours with something that makes your heart sing. Keep it on the front burner and talk to those who know horses, vets and stables. You'll meet those of like minds.

Cuz: Thanks for the joke. I've missed them and tried to fill in a little with my blond joke. Hope you and Bobbie are doing well.

I'm bummed out today. I have all this lovely environment to enjoy, but only get to do it from my kitchen window. I have a caregiver, MWF for 3 hours, but today the sun was shining and I so wanted to get on the riding mower. It's about 5 hours of mowing here and right now it's needs doing twice a week. My husband had to do the mowing. I could have helped because we have two mowers, but I had to stay inside to watch Dad. Hubby took a break so I went out to pick up dog poop in our fenced in yard (close to an acre) so he could mow when I was done picking up poop. Believe me, I'm not complaining. It was so beautiful out and we had about 16 geese on the pond and our two families with babies that I could watch close up and personal. Who would have thought that picking up dog poop could be so relaxing.

I would so love to have my life back and just be free to take care of the necessities. No pity party here, but sometimes I just feel sad.

Hope everyone enjoys the super moon and has a good Sunday. Cattails.