Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I had to lift FIL into bed last night which I must say was no simple feat considering he outweighs me by 70 lbs. He was hanging half off the bed when I put him to bed and he just couldn't understand what I was telling him when I said to move over. He would have fallen right onto the floor if I hadn't been holding him there. Finally I braced my legs and heaved him over. Oh my goodness is he heavy. Nothing like GGIL. I can lift her with no problem she's so lite and petite. Anyway, FIL is deteriorating quite rapidly. On a good note he doesn't have as many violent episodes or angry outbursts. However, he has slowed to the point that he is hunched over and shuffles his feet when he walks. He doesn't understand to stand up straight. He doesn't seem to understand much of anything anymore. He used to love to help around the house, but he can't seem to understand enough to do anything. Example, I gave him some soapy water to "wash the counter". I thought he would feel like he was helping and he could make as much of a mess as he wanted and I would clean it up later. He stood there and stared at the water. He got his hands wet, but he just stood there confused and unsure of what I wanted. I took his hand and helped him wipe the counter. When we finished I sat him down and gave him some magazines to finger through. I left to use the bathroom. Heaven forbid I take ten minutes to go to the bathroom. I get back and there he was playing with the knives. Somehow he had gotten them out of the drawer and layed them out on the table, and cut all of the stems and leaves off my Lilies. I put all of the knives away and threw my plant away while chastising him for messing with the knives because they were sharp and he could get cut knowing full well that he didn't understand a word I said. I have hidden the knives in a different place.The whole time I was doing all this I was thinking "How is it that you can't understand how to wash a counter, but you can lay all the knives out straight without cutting yourself and cut my plants to peices in less than 10 minutes?" You should have heard him when I took the knives away from him. "No no no" he says . That seems to be mostly what he can get out anymore that isn't an unintelligible garble. Although, the other day we were having supper and my husband says "Could you please go sit at the other table?" and FIL says "Do I smell that bad?" We were shocked, he hadn't said anything that clear for the longest time. We explained that it was supper time and he said "ok". It's little moments of clarity like that which tell us he is still there, even if just a little. Well, I had better go. Love you all and I hope you all have a great night.
meanwhile2, Oh, I envy you. I think it's probably been about 10 years since I was on the back of a horse. I used to train them for a guy when I was in high school. When I got married and started moving around I just seemed to gradually stop riding. I look at the horses around here with longing, but I don't even own my own saddle anymore; and you know, that's really sad because I always thought that I would keep a saddle around just in case I had the chance to ride again. When my old horse got sick and had to be put down my father also sold the other horse and all of the saddles and gear. Including mine. I didn't care at the time because I hadn't used it in years, but now I really wish I had kept it. I used to live on horseback. I'd ride my horse everywhere. To my friends houses, to the store, to the lake, even to work. I used to spend four hours a day on the back of horses just working them and training them. It seems like another life; and maybe it was. Sometimes I really miss that part of my life. There is just something peaceful about the sway of a horse's step as your moving along the trail; and the wildness of going at a full gallop with the wind in your hair and the sun at your back is unforgettable, or riding bareback and swimming in the lake on a hot day. I don't know, someday maybe. Enjoy your horses and think of me as you ride. Maybe I can live vicariously through you, ha ha. lol
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.' 'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.' 'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?' 'Anything, Father.' 'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.' 'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.' The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. 'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.......she consented and he fondled them for several minutes. 'Father, could I ask something of you?' 'Yes, Sister?' 'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?' 'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe. 'Oh Father, may I touch it?' The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. 'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give Life.' 'Is that true, Father?' 'Yes, it is, Sister.' 'Oh Father, that's wonderful ... Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!
I'm a little late, but I give a crap too. Care giving is a pretty thankless job. Seems like the people your trying to take care of don't want help. And everyone else tries to ignore the situation, and make excuses. I feel for the back spasms too. Stretching helps mine when it acts up. Diane, sorry about your sister, you're right, she's nuts. Fly all the way out, say shes going to help, then change her mind. I feel a little guilty, for having such a nice day. My usual horse was stiff this morning (from an allergic reaction to his vaccines last week). So ended up taking my 30 year old Appaloosa, It was a slow easy ride, My sister is still riding her 30 year old horse, even though he is nearly blind. The 2 old guys are just really tough, Hope everyone has a quiet Sunday.
So much for planting!! Got as far as clearing out weeds and turning the soil over. My back went into spasm and I barely made it to the house! Still can't stand up straight! Sucks to get old!!!!
Sskape, Some of us oldies are back on the thread and know exactly what you are dealing with! The 24/7 the "no sibs" etc. I know we are just a couple hours away and I would truly like to come and visit with you. I get so involved with my own sh!t that I can't seem to arrange time for me to get away either, and I at least have help here. Diane, shame on your sister! Even though I never see mine, 3 of them will come if I ask and they offer $$ to help if I need it. Guilt $$? Probably, but if I need it, I don't feel embarrassed to ask for it anymore. I haven't been able to work for over 4 years, and my husband has been out of work for over a year. Sskape, this is part of my problem with getting away! Back to you Diane, cut yourself off from your sister. Don't communicate unless it is absolutely necessary. She is too toxic for you, so give up trying to include her. you will do better with one less evil in your life. Hopefully your brother will stick to his words. You deserve better than this kind of treatment! Angie!!!!!!!! Glad to hear from you again. I must admit I have been very bad in keeping contact with the oldies from this thread. I was going through a black hole phase here. I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's problem. as if you don't already have your hands full with Mom and sibs! You too are very close in distance. Probably closer to Susan than me. We should all find a meeting point and arrange for an afternoon together soon. SS, glad to see you back too! Betty B, the hardest part of our situation is getting our loved one to see that they are no longer capable of caring for themselves. They don't see what we do and they very good at hiding the symptoms. I find that we are first in denial and don't want to believe that things are that bad, but the sooner we see the dangers involved with alz. and dementia the better. we need to take measures to make sure they and we are safe from poor judgement. What you did with your FIL is a step in the right direction. He may never understand, but it's good that you do. Okay, need to get some plants in the ground and do some housework while Merry sits with Mom. Hope everyone has a good day!
See sskape, all these people crapping, I mean caring for you!! Hee hee!!! hang in there, honey!
Dtflex - so sorry for your family woes. I have almost the EXACT situation. My sister told me she would not help me (and I have it in writing cause she sent it in an email), if she didn't access to my parents financials.She didn't have access because all she wants in their money!! Anyway, she got a lawyer, now she has access to see what they have but can't get AT the money. That would be disastrous. So you think she would help out now? No f'in way. She a selfish SOB. Please don't wait around for people to help you. In most cases, they won't. if they wanted to, they would have done it long ago. Think about it. I hope your brother comes through. Focus on that. Ignore her, that will probably kill her worse than any nasty text. Luv you tons ans tons!!
Di, just know that your sister as well as mine will answer someday! When mom passed, my sister just had to stand in front of everyone and 'tell' all just how much she loved her mother... later, people came up to me and said, "she feels guilty and wants to make herself feel better, you stayed silent and 'showed' your love for your mother!" She is still estranged from my father and me and that's just fine with me. Love ya
sskape, boy can I relate to your situation. I thought my post from earlier had gone through but it didn't until I just opened my laptop again. So yes, I give a crap about you and every other caregiver because we are the only ones that realize just what you have sacrificed to be a caregiver to your parents.
I'm at the end of my rope today. My sister arrived from Seattle Wednesday morning. Yesterday my sister, brother and I met with the social worker to discuss mom's care and to set up a respite schedule for me so I can continue to care for my mom at home as long as possible. Brother and sister smiled and agreed to give me a weekend off a month. They would alternate months that they would pay for someone to stay with mom or in my brothers case, come and stay with mom. I thought to myself, this is going too smoothly. Well before we could finish the meeting my sister made the comment, I hope she (me) knows the commitment I am making since this works out to be $5000 a year. I looked at her and said, "and what about my commitment to mom". She snapped back "you had your chance to get out". Is it just me being hyper sensitive or is she freakin nuts? Does she not realize what a commitment it is to care for some one everyday and try work a job? I tried my best to keep the peace and continued my day with preparing for my mom's party/picnic to celebrate her 85th birthday with family and friends. We had a very nice afternoon at the park and mom enjoyed herself. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in 2 years and it meant so much to see their little girl for the first time. We got back home and I got mom ready for bed. All the while another comment my sister made was eating at me. She said in the meeting all I had to do was ask for help and she would either come and take care of mom or pay for someone to take care of mom so I could get a break. I forwarded one of her nasty text replies to her saying this is why I don't ask for help. Well, she replied and that was the begining of a nasty disagreement and she took back all her promises of paying for respite care. I feel like she thinks she is the puppet master and I'm her puppet to yank the strings anyway she likes. So this is the source of my frustration today. I woke up with a monster headache and I'm trying to push through it so I can run errands while I have a sitter today. Why are families such pains in the butt? I guess if I could answer that I would be a rich woman.
Anyway, that's my grumbling for the morning. I hope you all have a good day, or the best you can
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
sskape: I feel for you. I don't know how long you've been at it, but I hear what you are saying and understand. Put me in the column of those who give a crap. Hugs, Cattails.
sskape... I give a crap too, if that matters. I read your comment and feel for you. Sounds like you've got to figure out a way to get more help if its possible, just to keep your sanity and some semblance of a life. Easy for me to say while I'm sipping my coffee and my parents still live in their own house. Its people like you, who do sooooo much more than me, that make me feel humble and downright silly for complaining about the things I do. I held my coffee cup high for someone yesterday morning and I'm holding it high for you today.
sskape - I give a crap!! Who else here gives a crap? Come on, chime in for sskape! I get myself worked up too some days about how my life and my family have suffering through my decision to care for Mom and Dad. But I'm learning to focus on myself again. If that means Dad isn't visited every other day or Mom doesn't have exactly what she needs, every single f'ing day, or she didn't plan to get a ride somewhere, I'm not going to just drop everything. Let someone else step in. Screw it!!
Cricket, thanks so much for the hug. That was sweet. And, Maxine, thanks, and no problem. You did not upset me. I was only concerned that I might have insulted Cricket. OK. Onward. Feeling very sad for my FIL today. Went with him to his doctor yesterday and basically had to confront him with his lying and/or forgetting about behavior and choices with which he is endangering himself and compromising the quality of his remaining life. I spoke directly to him in the doctor's presence, instead of talking about him in front of the doctor, and was calm and gentle but also very direct. Today he's very angry. Sigh. We will get through this. Have a great maximoon, everyone.
I'm getting myself all worked up about how long I've been taking care of my Mom, and that I rarely do anything for myself. I've sacrificed my entire life and no one gives a crap. I hope I can get through this! I'll take a walk when the cna comes in for 1 hr. whoopie
Hi everyone. Haven't been here is a while although I do read the posts when I can. Reading some of the posts here. Hi Angie, hang in there. I know how you feel with the "why I am not dead yet myself" feeling. I find it's not just the care giving that's exhausting, it's the mental anguish of it all and the constant worrying of what I going to do about this or that and planning and juggling with no help from family etc..... Anyway, sorry you are struggling, dear. Although not my child, I also have to deal with my mother's addition. I had to call all her doctors and forbid them to renew her pain medication. She eats them like candy. Supposed to take them for her hip operation. Well that is long over and healed nicely and she says, "but my toe hurts and my knee hurts and this hurts!" Well, you're 84 Mom, sorry. I'm sure everything will hurt on me too but you can't keep eating pills. She lives on Tylenol PM and still hides her vodka in the bedroom. So sad....but there is only so much I can do. She's fully recovered from her surgeries, Dad in a NH now, (he yells at her when we visit), and this is your hall pass i keep telling her! She's a member of a local senior group that goes to the movies and lunches and helps with groceries etc.... I've given her all the options but it's up to her to do something with the last good years of her life. Blah, blah, blah! Sliblings? No where to be found! Oh, my sister did come visit (hasn't been here in a year), didn't take my mother anywhere, and stole my mother's checkbook!!! Great story,I'll save it for later.
Meanwhile: I just want to say that nothing is perfect. Every place has it's pluses and minuses. If you love the country and having space then that is where you want to live. Same here where we are. Great nature and space, but 2 1/2 hours to Seattle. The key is where you want to LIVE.
Later in life, we may chose a place to live because it is close to medical. It's not so much a choice of where we want to live and what we love, as it is just about close proximity to good medical care. It's a sad trade off.
You have fun tomorrow. Enjoy your horse, the great outdoors, the fresh air and the picnic. I'm pretty sure your husbands spirit will be riding with you and taking it all in. Hope that's not to sentimental. I do believe it's true.
Hey, Cricket: I know what Igore is up to. He has found a great job offer and has taken it. Often when he posts, he's working the night shift and there's not much to do except wait for an emergency. When he's working days, he is really busy with family in the evening.
My little monster buddy emailed me the other evening. I will tell him he is missed and to get his fancy ass back to the GO thread. I miss him too, but glad that he sends me emails once in a while.
Angie2010: I hope you do stay in touch and post your thoughts and feelings. I can so relate to the issues of a child with a drug addiction. We went through that with our son when he was in his 20's. He's 43 now and doing well. Your situation may not be so fortunate, but I just want you to know that I understand the heartache. Even now, after all this time, I still worry about that kid of mine. He's such a good soul, but very different in his approach to life than me. His daughter, Amanda, is so on top of stuff. She handles her money well, works hard, goes to college, etc., etc. My son says that it is clear these abilities skip a generation. Bless his soul.
I don't know you Angie, but I hope I will have the privilege of learning more about you and your struggles. What an amazing care taker you are. I'm sure you are an amazing mom too.
Poodini, the amazing shit magician. That's my new mantra. Got to have something to laugh about.
Love to each and every one of you. Truly, I love you all so much. Cattails.
Meanwhile2, you have fun tomorrow riding and picnicking. That does sound like heaven! Poodini, very funny! Betty, your comment didn't imply anything to me. I just saw it as your opinion, nothing more, nothing less. I could see your point of view. I haven't a clue about the Taxi driver story being true or not, someone posted it at facebook and I reposted it thinking some of you might enjoy it. I haven't seen Igor post at all lately, does anyone know what's going on with him? Igor? where are you buddy? Well I'm off to bed, nighty night all. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Good Evening Everyone, It has been sometime since I have been on here, my dad passed away a year and a half ago with my mom and I beside him... and this time has been rather busy taking care of things. The outpouring of help from family has been just so wonderful(lol lol lol) sarcasm.... Anywho.... felt the need to comeback to my family here.. i have missed everyone and the many smiles. Now I am caring for mom full time ... early stage alz.... i have been at this caregiver job for about hmmmm 4 or 5 yrs.... about 2 of those were full time with mom at home prior i was working full time.. and caregiving as well. my days are interesting ... exhausting at times and sleep is very very little when i do get it. Unfortunately I am also faced with my daughter's drug addiction ( wow said that out loud)... so how i have not gone to looney bin just yet... not sure... but I think the Martini's may help.... (lol) this thread has been in the past a life preserver for me and I am sure I will be here more as well as on FB and my other online support group for parents of drug addicts which has been a good thing. so hello to everyone.... and look forward to chatting with all... :)
Poodini, that is too funny. You have such a good sense of humor Cattails.
I have to admit I had mixed feelings about the taxi story. It was sweet, but obviously fiction. I'm still a little bitter, that the closest hospice center was 3 hours from here. With having to work at a job, I would have just had to leave my husband there. Never mind trying to get him there, he was terribly uncomfortable riding in the car. It would have taken an ambulance. Oh, well, that's what I get for living in the middle of nowhere. I'm going riding on a friends ranch tomorrow. Will probably ride all day, if isn't too hot. Pack lunch, and stop at a spring to eat. Heaven.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'
'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.'
'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'
'Anything, Father.'
'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'
'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.......she consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
'Father, could I ask something of you?'
'Yes, Sister?'
'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'
'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.
'Oh Father, may I touch it?'
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give Life.'
'Is that true, Father?'
'Yes, it is, Sister.'
'Oh Father, that's wonderful ...
Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!
I feel a little guilty, for having such a nice day. My usual horse was stiff this morning (from an allergic reaction to his vaccines last week). So ended up taking my 30 year old Appaloosa, It was a slow easy ride, My sister is still riding her 30 year old horse, even though he is nearly blind. The 2 old guys are just really tough, Hope everyone has a quiet Sunday.
Diane, shame on your sister! Even though I never see mine, 3 of them will come if I ask and they offer $$ to help if I need it. Guilt $$? Probably, but if I need it, I don't feel embarrassed to ask for it anymore. I haven't been able to work for over 4 years, and my husband has been out of work for over a year. Sskape, this is part of my problem with getting away! Back to you Diane, cut yourself off from your sister. Don't communicate unless it is absolutely necessary. She is too toxic for you, so give up trying to include her. you will do better with one less evil in your life. Hopefully your brother will stick to his words. You deserve better than this kind of treatment!
Angie!!!!!!!! Glad to hear from you again. I must admit I have been very bad in keeping contact with the oldies from this thread. I was going through a black hole phase here. I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's problem. as if you don't already have your hands full with Mom and sibs! You too are very close in distance. Probably closer to Susan than me. We should all find a meeting point and arrange for an afternoon together soon.
SS, glad to see you back too!
Betty B, the hardest part of our situation is getting our loved one to see that they are no longer capable of caring for themselves. They don't see what we do and they very good at hiding the symptoms. I find that we are first in denial and don't want to believe that things are that bad, but the sooner we see the dangers involved with alz. and dementia the better. we need to take measures to make sure they and we are safe from poor judgement. What you did with your FIL is a step in the right direction. He may never understand, but it's good that you do.
Okay, need to get some plants in the ground and do some housework while Merry sits with Mom. Hope everyone has a good day!
Dtflex - so sorry for your family woes. I have almost the EXACT situation. My sister told me she would not help me (and I have it in writing cause she sent it in an email), if she didn't access to my parents financials.She didn't have access because all she wants in their money!! Anyway, she got a lawyer, now she has access to see what they have but can't get AT the money. That would be disastrous. So you think she would help out now? No f'in way. She a selfish SOB. Please don't wait around for people to help you. In most cases, they won't. if they wanted to, they would have done it long ago. Think about it. I hope your brother comes through. Focus on that. Ignore her, that will probably kill her worse than any nasty text. Luv you tons ans tons!!
-SS
I'm at the end of my rope today. My sister arrived from Seattle Wednesday morning. Yesterday my sister, brother and I met with the social worker to discuss mom's care and to set up a respite schedule for me so I can continue to care for my mom at home as long as possible. Brother and sister smiled and agreed to give me a weekend off a month. They would alternate months that they would pay for someone to stay with mom or in my brothers case, come and stay with mom. I thought to myself, this is going too smoothly. Well before we could finish the meeting my sister made the comment, I hope she (me) knows the commitment I am making since this works out to be $5000 a year. I looked at her and said, "and what about my commitment to mom". She snapped back "you had your chance to get out". Is it just me being hyper sensitive or is she freakin nuts? Does she not realize what a commitment it is to care for some one everyday and try work a job? I tried my best to keep the peace and continued my day with preparing for my mom's party/picnic to celebrate her 85th birthday with family and friends. We had a very nice afternoon at the park and mom enjoyed herself. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in 2 years and it meant so much to see their little girl for the first time.
We got back home and I got mom ready for bed. All the while another comment my sister made was eating at me. She said in the meeting all I had to do was ask for help and she would either come and take care of mom or pay for someone to take care of mom so I could get a break. I forwarded one of her nasty text replies to her saying this is why I don't ask for help. Well, she replied and that was the begining of a nasty disagreement and she took back all her promises of paying for respite care. I feel like she thinks she is the puppet master and I'm her puppet to yank the strings anyway she likes. So this is the source of my frustration today. I woke up with a monster headache and I'm trying to push through it so I can run errands while I have a sitter today. Why are families such pains in the butt? I guess if I could answer that I would be a rich woman.
Anyway, that's my grumbling for the morning. I hope you all have a good day, or the best you can
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
I get myself worked up too some days about how my life and my family have suffering through my decision to care for Mom and Dad. But I'm learning to focus on myself again. If that means Dad isn't visited every other day or Mom doesn't have exactly what she needs, every single f'ing day, or she didn't plan to get a ride somewhere, I'm not going to just drop everything. Let someone else step in. Screw it!!
xo
-SS
Luv to all!
-SS
Later in life, we may chose a place to live because it is close to medical. It's not so much a choice of where we want to live and what we love, as it is just about close proximity to good medical care. It's a sad trade off.
You have fun tomorrow. Enjoy your horse, the great outdoors, the fresh air and the picnic. I'm pretty sure your husbands spirit will be riding with you and taking it all in. Hope that's not to sentimental. I do believe it's true.
Happy Trails, Cattails.
My little monster buddy emailed me the other evening. I will tell him he is missed and to get his fancy ass back to the GO thread. I miss him too, but glad that he sends me emails once in a while.
Angie2010: I hope you do stay in touch and post your thoughts and feelings. I can so relate to the issues of a child with a drug addiction. We went through that with our son when he was in his 20's. He's 43 now and doing well. Your situation may not be so fortunate, but I just want you to know that I understand the heartache. Even now, after all this time, I still worry about that kid of mine. He's such a good soul, but very different in his approach to life than me. His daughter, Amanda, is so on top of stuff. She handles her money well, works hard, goes to college, etc., etc. My son says that it is clear these abilities skip a generation. Bless his soul.
I don't know you Angie, but I hope I will have the privilege of learning more about you and your struggles. What an amazing care taker you are. I'm sure you are an amazing mom too.
Poodini, the amazing shit magician. That's my new mantra. Got to have something to laugh about.
Love to each and every one of you. Truly, I love you all so much. Cattails.
Poodini, very funny!
Betty, your comment didn't imply anything to me. I just saw it as your opinion, nothing more, nothing less. I could see your point of view. I haven't a clue about the Taxi driver story being true or not, someone posted it at facebook and I reposted it thinking some of you might enjoy it.
I haven't seen Igor post at all lately, does anyone know what's going on with him? Igor? where are you buddy?
Well I'm off to bed, nighty night all.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I have to admit I had mixed feelings about the taxi story. It was sweet, but obviously fiction. I'm still a little bitter, that the closest hospice center was 3 hours from here. With having to work at a job, I would have just had to leave my husband there. Never mind trying to get him there, he was terribly uncomfortable riding in the car. It would have taken an ambulance. Oh, well, that's what I get for living in the middle of nowhere.
I'm going riding on a friends ranch tomorrow. Will probably ride all day, if isn't too hot. Pack lunch, and stop at a spring to eat. Heaven.