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Tbailey: Good Lord. I don't know what you can do. If it's a nervous habit maybe try some Vick''s on her fingers. Maybe that would remind her of where her fingers are. Not being funny here, just wondering if that would help.
Brookemb: Are you sure it was your children leading the charge. Maybe mom was plotting a joy ride. Haha. Linda09: How are you doing? Thinking about you and hoping you are ok.
Crickett: No chirps have been heard in a while now.
Bobbie: Waiting for a boat story.
Speaking of a boat story, my dad has really been listing to the right lately. Getting him up in the morning took two of us this am. Maybe a TIA, but usually he will get a droopy eye lid and there is none of that. He ate all his breakfast and is snoozing now.
Hugs to everyone and wishes for a good day. Cattails
My MIL has a gross habit ... SHE Picks her nose till it bleeds When she first moved in we had to take her to ER to get them to stop it & the er dr. said she dont even have like any cartlidge left in nose & she needs to quit she has dementia and every time I walk in she has that finger up her nose & when I make her bed I ussually have to clean sheets & blankets because of blood & clots My husband & kids tell her out loud I know she is embarresed I think its a nervous habit anyone ever here or have to deal with this?
I was talking to Medicare yesterday and realized I hadn't seen Mom or the kids for awhile. Found my two year old in the driveway, my mom in our van (in her pj's) and my 5-year-old behind the steering wheel. They don't know how to unlock our doors, but got my mom to do it for them!
An lady I know was caring for her mother and the neighbors reported her to APS because her confused Mom was putting a ladder up against the house-she later asked the neighbors where they were when she could have used help with her mother-they can get into trouble so fast -my mother hurt herself getting into my sister's van the first day of our vaction -she did not wait for us to help her into the van and was badly hurt on her leg-she knew better she is too alert if anything. You can not be with them 24/7.
Why is Dad aloud to venture anywhere by himself???? Crazy situation I am sure....very scared he will kill all of you trying to fix something!! Suggest more help!!
Oh Meanwhile, that is so poignant about your husband. Isn't it something, what pushes us over the edge! For my dad it was my mother's moustache. Unbelievable what else he could take, but that was the last straw for him.
Jen: Some folks just have more money to spend and have more options as a result. They have never taken care of anyone and don't realize that their complaints are other peoples dreams.
Bless your heart BettyB. Vent all you want. I ended up with this group looking for something to do about my husbands breath, the last couple of weeks he was alive. I could deal with the adult diapers, the sponge baths, but nothing helped his breath. Someone on the group suggested scented candles. Which did as much as anything. I know that seems petty, but his breath was making me green around the gills. It was the one thing I had the most problem with. Crazy Jenny what is a dangerous American Cat? Glad to hear school is back on track, Angel. I used to work in the hospital blood bank. Plasma is used for lots of things. If someone looses too much blood, they usually end up getting plasma and blood transfused. It counteracts shock. Donating should be very safe. Needles are all disposables anymore. Nothing gets reused. I wish I could steal Step Dad's keys. He has several sets, and 2 vehicles, and could still fix almost anything under the hood. He used to rebuild engines. He already hit a guard rail, but just did some damage to the car's fender. The police didn't even give him a ticket. I have to say, since he hit the guard rail he checks his blood sugar before getting behind the wheel. And, then there is my Mother who drives like the little old lady from Pasadena. Fortunately, she doesn't like to drive much anymore.
Just want to say how grateful I am to have found this thread, where you kindly allowed me to vent about the comparatively trivial issue of my FIL's Disgusting Denture Tricks. I promise not to dwell on that, since I understand how very minor it is compared to what others here are going through. I can relate, having cared for my mom, who died last year. I'm sure that part of my issue with FIL is a level of resentment that he showed up here with all his needs and expectations only four months after she died, well before I'd even had time to begin recuperating from that long caregiving experience. Thanks, and good thoughts to you all.
Anglehair: Congrats on getting your student loan. I am so happy and relieved for you. Ah, so FIL does understand blackmail. Play the boob card for all it it worth.
Oh, the school is accredited and according to the BBB and the accredidation place they seem to be one of the top schools in it's field. They have a 95% employment rate after graduation. Which is amazing for Massage Therapy. Anyway, it looks like I'm going to be able to do it so I'm excited and thrilled. Also I found that if I donate plasma I can bring in about $200 per month extra. My MIL was totally against it, saying I need that plasma, and I could get some disease, but I have donated before and the facilities now are so sterile and the precautions they take are incredible. My first time back was no big deal, but that first appointment was 3 and a half hours long because of all of the screening and physicals, and they test your blood to make sure you have no diseases or blood problems. I was surprised that she had a problem with it being that she's a nurse. There are so many medicines that can't be produced without plasma. I didn't say it, but I kept thinking "you'd be very grateful to plasma donation if you needed it." I mean, one of the major things plasma is used for is burn victims. If I was ever in a fire and was severely burned, how could I use this medicine in good conscience if I had a problem with how it was made? Am I willing to take it given from someone else when I myself am not willing to give of myself?. Besides, your body reproduces that plasma in no time if you eat right and drink plenty of fluids. Anyway, I guess she doesn't work with any of those medications so she probably wouldn't understand the need. I met a girl once who had severe three degree burns all over her body from a house fire. She had scars all over her body and was still in the process of skin grafting and such. How can we not be willing to help? There are lot's of other uses for plasma, but I only think about the burn victims because that's the only one I've been up close and personal to. Anyway, the first time I donated was about 8 years ago, and at that time I donated to get over my fear of needles. I was desparately afraid of needles and I donated for a whole year. I still don't like needles, but I don't freeze up in fear anymore like I used to. Although, I still can't look at the needle until after it is all said and done. lol This time, though the money is nice, I keep thinking of that little girl and how maybe my donation will help someone like her.
Anyway, I've gotta go. Everyone have a great day today.
I do have a Pug and regular dangerous type American cat. so I am all petted up here...Another day another lotto ticket shopping for groceries an obtuse cousin talking how annoying an up coming tip to the California coat is gonna be, shopping at outlet malls and laying on the beach....what is the matter with these people?...
I'm feeling much better today. I was very worried because we applied for assistance and I was told that even though I work 60 hours per week taking care of GGIL and FIL I wasn't getting paid. So I wasn't eligible for the assistance because I wasn't working while I was attending school. I was very frustrated. I was very upset and I have to say that I wasn't very nice. I told the eligibility person, "o.k., let me see if I understand this correctly; I'm trying to go to school so we can bring more money into the household so we don't have to go be on foodstamps and medicaid and whatever else there is, while I work my butte off caring for two individuals who can't afford to pay me, whom, if I wasn't here would be applying for medicaid so they could be sent to a nursing home because they cannot be left alone for even two minutes without endangering themselves and medicaid would be paying well over $8,000 per month. and I'm going to be penalized because I don't get paid for it?" The girl says "Well your case worker hasn't finished going through all of your information so we really can't say what is going to happen." I said "Well, what is this paper then that I got saying I wasn't eligible?" "Oh, that was sent automatically by the computer because of the information already scanned in, but there is one more document to be gone over." So I hung up worried and frustrated and in need of a hug. This morning, however, I looked online and found that I was approved for the assistance anyway so I was worrying for no reason. So I am a little more relieved. It will still be tight for a while, but it is only until March. We can eak by for that long.
O.k. this morning I was giving FIL his pills, which he was refusing to take, and he reaches out and pokes me in the breast! I said "Don't touch those! Those are mine!" He looks at me with this innocent look that says "They are?" and says "Oh?" questioningly like I don't know who my own body belongs to. Anyway, he still wouldn't take his pills so I said "You take your pills or I'm going to tell my husband and your wife that you touched my boob." His eyes went wide and he took his pills with no problem at all. Of course I told his wife and my husband anyway; we had a good giggle about the whole thing, but at the time I was screaming in my head "AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! he touched my boob! My MIL said you just kind of get used to it, she used to work in a geriatrics ward in a nursing home about 14 years ago. I don't think I could ever get used to perverted old men no matter how far into dementia they are. Anyway, Having a much better day and a much better outlook on the future. Love you all and thanks for listening, Angela
Meanwhile2, if you can get your stepdad's car key, file it down so it no longer works in the ignition. And if you can get under the hood, remove the distributor cap. One or both of those measures ought to keep him off the roads. Also, do you live in a state where he can be anonymously referred for a road test by the Department of Motor Vehicles?
Meanwhile2 - your mother sounds like mine! I was going to say this in my last comment (rant). My mother would have done exactly what yours did at the plant sale.... sit and suck up all the attention that she could attract. The only reason that my dad isn't driving, is because he totaled the car a year ago and we won't help him buy another. He's taking it pretty hard and he won't let the idea go, and even gets ugly when I need to drive him somewhere. I don't know how you get the keys from your step dad. We were lucky enough to have Dad smash the car in an accident where no one was hurt.
Judy, your parents sound like mine. My step dad is 79, but has COPD, diabetes, can barely see. He was on the roof last week hooking up their evaporative cooler. He still insists on driving, which is really scary.
There needs to be a pissed off discussion. I'm not necessarily grossed out. Just irritated. Maybe disgusted. My 86 year old dad (balance off, almost completely deaf, dementia - some days nuttier than a fruitcake) decided to climb a ladder up about 10 feet, like a senile Tarzan with a saw, to trim a branch off a tree (because my mother wouldn't SHUT UP about the dang branch - even deaf Dad had heard enough to make him loonier). I thought he was a goner, but he made it down in one piece and even got that pesky branch. He's always doing stuff like that. About 6 months ago, he got on the roof to fix the evaporative cooler (I've seen him fall off a chair in slow motion, sideways and he's on the roof?). Of course, he can't remember what the hell he's doing once he's up there, so he got a good view of the neighborhood and didn't fix anything. Last summer, he had a tool plugged into an outlet on the other side of the pool, draping the extension cord OVER the water so that he could mangle..er...fix...something there. A few weeks ago, attempting to put chemicals in the pool, he mixed pool acid with chlorine, making a gas in the shed that had him coughing and puking in the grass. Holy crap. Never a dull moment. Its like a 3 ring circus, but no one is buying me popcorn and I'm definitely not having fun. I just don't know how long they can live in their own house, and I don't want them. I just never know what I'm going to find when I get there.
Took Mom to a plant sale last weekend. It was at a plant research center, neat place. They have native plants, wildflowers and trees, lots of cacti. Mom was there all of 2 minutes, and did her "I'm so frail, have to sit down, act". There were lots of nice people there to fawn over her. So Sis and I just ignored her. I'm such a terrible daughter. Took, the young dog with us. She is a 70 pound boxer, German shepherd mix. She has the short nose like a boxer, and an extra long tongue. Anyway, the pup, managed to slurp anybody that got close to her, at least 30 unsuspecting strangers. I'm sure she would be happy to lick anybodies dentures for them. We had a nice, time, collected Mom when we were ready to go home. Mother enjoyed all the sympathy and attention she got. Jen, would a pet of some sort help keep you company? I know not everyone is an animal person, but I mine sure help cheer me up. I shouldn't complain about my Mom, she still takes care of herself (most of the time). It is scary though. If she gets the least little cold, or flu, I can't get her to change her clothes or take a shower. Shades of what is to come. Angel, I sure hope you can go to school. You were so excited about it, hang in there. Cattails, and everyone else, here's hoping you get lots of naps.
Took advantage of a 60 degree day and mom napping and took a walk in the woods with the dog... All the way back the song "Take the long way home" was going through my head!!! lol
Angelhair: I'm sorry you are having a down day. Can you get some help with costs via a grant or student loan? Don't give up. Do you have a job outside of the house right now? If not, then it must be the cost of class that is holding you back? Are you sure that the school you are applying to is accredited and has a first rate certificate program to offer? If so, there should be student loans available.
Take time with your hubby to review everything and weigh the pros and cons. It never gets less expensive to go to school. How long do you have to go to be licensed?
Thinking of you and hoping for your present and future plans. Love, Cattails.
I am feeling tired and low and just down today. I'm hoping everything with school works out. It seems like with one thing or another school is looking like less and less of a good idea. I want to go to school so bad. I have the opportunity to go. I've got everything in order to go; the school schedule will even work with my schedule of watching FIL. We just need to be able to afford to live while I'm going to school. I don't know what I can do. I'm feeling negative and down and watch out because I'm also on the RAG big time. I need to find some way to bring in extra funds. Well, MIL is on about something again; and I'm in the mood for a good fight, so I've gotta go. Don't worry, I'll try not to make her cry.
i'm so glad to hear it's not just me..My mothers eating, and not washing her face without me telling her to..Sometimes I fell so bad for getting after but she is so slow about doing everything..
Pahahha mom told him it is an air purifier.."Mr. Drinks only Purified water" will love that..Yes, Leave it on! Beh, they are out, he has a foot appointment...I am so tired and upset I wish I could cry. gonna lay down and read. yeah mom handles everything it is her responsibility I am just side weight I guess... I clean up incidentals and messes and try to keep her from having to do everything like I did, only with out a car for three years...I don't know...just muddling through here....I grouse therefore I am....
Thanks to everyone! You have no idea how good it feels to vent. I talked to her husband this morning (who finally got back to me one week after her diagnosis) He told her it would be a long time before they would see each other and then got on the phone with me, letting me know I was to keep her until she was better. My personal goal, from the beginning, is to keep her here until she can get an official diagnosis. We are getting a second opinion from a neurologist on Monday, will follow-up with the doctor that week as well. Then, I can take her official diagnosis, contact the agencies, and find out what is covered.
Jen: He needs to go. What is your mom's position in all of this? How old is your mom? Is his income important to your families support? Don't mean to pry. Where's the black mold when you need it.?
Hi Bobbie: How wonderful to hear from you. Can't wait for the boat stories. I think about you often and hope the best.
Brooke: You got snookered!!! Left holding the bag, so to speak. Your mom's mental decline is far more than you anticipated so now you are seeing it for what it is.
Here's what you can do to help your mom. Make sure you mom gets proper medical attention from a doc who specializes in Alz. There are drugs that can be prescribed that, hopefully, will help with her symptoms. If you can determine if she has been exposed to black mold, as Bobbie suggested, that would be helpful info for docs.
While you are doing this, check out care facilities where your mom can live. Call your local area on aging, department of social services, etc. and see what guidance they can give you for placement and financial advise.
If you do these things and place your mom, you will have done far more than anyone else has done on her behalf. Be the clean up crew, not the live-in caretaker. The goal is to get her good medical care and a safe place to live. She doesn't have to be in your home to be safe, in fact, she may be safer in a facility that has a memory unit.
The sad truth is that you can't be a mother to your children, a wife to your husband, sane, and a full time care giver to your mom. Something has to go, so pick one.
I'm truly sorry for your circumstances. Please stay in touch and let us know what's happening. We will do our best to help you each step of the way.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Brookemb: Are you sure it was your children leading the charge. Maybe mom was plotting a joy ride. Haha.
Linda09: How are you doing? Thinking about you and hoping you are ok.
Crickett: No chirps have been heard in a while now.
Bobbie: Waiting for a boat story.
Speaking of a boat story, my dad has really been listing to the right lately. Getting him up in the morning took two of us this am. Maybe a TIA, but usually he will get a droopy eye lid and there is none of that. He ate all his breakfast and is snoozing now.
Hugs to everyone and wishes for a good day. Cattails
Jenny what is a dangerous American Cat?
Glad to hear school is back on track, Angel. I used to work in the hospital blood bank. Plasma is used for lots of things. If someone looses too much blood, they usually end up getting plasma and blood transfused. It counteracts shock. Donating should be very safe. Needles are all disposables anymore. Nothing gets reused.
I wish I could steal Step Dad's keys. He has several sets, and 2 vehicles, and could still fix almost anything under the hood. He used to rebuild engines. He already hit a guard rail, but just did some damage to the car's fender. The police didn't even give him a ticket. I have to say, since he hit the guard rail he checks his blood sugar before getting behind the wheel. And, then there is my Mother who drives like the little old lady from Pasadena. Fortunately, she doesn't like to drive much anymore.
Everyone have a good day, Cattails.
Anyway, it looks like I'm going to be able to do it so I'm excited and thrilled. Also I found that if I donate plasma I can bring in about $200 per month extra. My MIL was totally against it, saying I need that plasma, and I could get some disease, but I have donated before and the facilities now are so sterile and the precautions they take are incredible. My first time back was no big deal, but that first appointment was 3 and a half hours long because of all of the screening and physicals, and they test your blood to make sure you have no diseases or blood problems. I was surprised that she had a problem with it being that she's a nurse. There are so many medicines that can't be produced without plasma. I didn't say it, but I kept thinking "you'd be very grateful to plasma donation if you needed it." I mean, one of the major things plasma is used for is burn victims. If I was ever in a fire and was severely burned, how could I use this medicine in good conscience if I had a problem with how it was made? Am I willing to take it given from someone else when I myself am not willing to give of myself?. Besides, your body reproduces that plasma in no time if you eat right and drink plenty of fluids. Anyway, I guess she doesn't work with any of those medications so she probably wouldn't understand the need. I met a girl once who had severe three degree burns all over her body from a house fire. She had scars all over her body and was still in the process of skin grafting and such. How can we not be willing to help? There are lot's of other uses for plasma, but I only think about the burn victims because that's the only one I've been up close and personal to. Anyway, the first time I donated was about 8 years ago, and at that time I donated to get over my fear of needles. I was desparately afraid of needles and I donated for a whole year. I still don't like needles, but I don't freeze up in fear anymore like I used to. Although, I still can't look at the needle until after it is all said and done. lol This time, though the money is nice, I keep thinking of that little girl and how maybe my donation will help someone like her.
Anyway, I've gotta go.
Everyone have a great day today.
O.k. this morning I was giving FIL his pills, which he was refusing to take, and he reaches out and pokes me in the breast!
I said "Don't touch those! Those are mine!"
He looks at me with this innocent look that says "They are?" and says "Oh?" questioningly like I don't know who my own body belongs to.
Anyway, he still wouldn't take his pills so I said "You take your pills or I'm going to tell my husband and your wife that you touched my boob." His eyes went wide and he took his pills with no problem at all. Of course I told his wife and my husband anyway; we had a good giggle about the whole thing, but at the time I was screaming in my head "AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! he touched my boob! My MIL said you just kind of get used to it, she used to work in a geriatrics ward in a nursing home about 14 years ago. I don't think I could ever get used to perverted old men no matter how far into dementia they are.
Anyway, Having a much better day and a much better outlook on the future. Love you all and thanks for listening,
Angela
Jen, would a pet of some sort help keep you company? I know not everyone is an animal person, but I mine sure help cheer me up.
I shouldn't complain about my Mom, she still takes care of herself (most of the time). It is scary though. If she gets the least little cold, or flu, I can't get her to change her clothes or take a shower. Shades of what is to come.
Angel, I sure hope you can go to school. You were so excited about it, hang in there.
Cattails, and everyone else, here's hoping you get lots of naps.
Take time with your hubby to review everything and weigh the pros and cons. It never gets less expensive to go to school. How long do you have to go to be licensed?
Thinking of you and hoping for your present and future plans. Love, Cattails.
Don't worry, I'll try not to make her cry.
Jen: Grouse all you want.
Hugs, Cattails.
yeah mom handles everything it is her responsibility I am just side weight I guess... I clean up incidentals and messes and try to keep her from having to do everything like I did, only with out a car for three years...I don't know...just muddling through here....I grouse therefore I am....
My personal goal, from the beginning, is to keep her here until she can get an official diagnosis. We are getting a second opinion from a neurologist on Monday, will follow-up with the doctor that week as well. Then, I can take her official diagnosis, contact the agencies, and find out what is covered.
Brooke: You got snookered!!! Left holding the bag, so to speak. Your mom's mental decline is far more than you anticipated so now you are seeing it for what it is.
Here's what you can do to help your mom. Make sure you mom gets proper medical attention from a doc who specializes in Alz. There are drugs that can be prescribed that, hopefully, will help with her symptoms. If you can determine if she has been exposed to black mold, as Bobbie suggested, that would be helpful info for docs.
While you are doing this, check out care facilities where your mom can live. Call your local area on aging, department of social services, etc. and see what guidance they can give you for placement and financial advise.
If you do these things and place your mom, you will have done far more than anyone else has done on her behalf. Be the clean up crew, not the live-in caretaker. The goal is to get her good medical care and a safe place to live.
She doesn't have to be in your home to be safe, in fact, she may be safer in a facility that has a memory unit.
The sad truth is that you can't be a mother to your children, a wife to your husband, sane, and a full time care giver to your mom. Something has to go, so pick one.
I'm truly sorry for your circumstances. Please stay in touch and let us know what's happening. We will do our best to help you each step of the way.
Hugs, Cattails.