Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Hi Crew, I wonder when the boat leaves? I am ready, just give me a margarita or two tonight and let me imagine throwing Dad overboard...so long sucker! haha just kidding of course. When my Dad really needs help and many time even though he doesn't and I feel like doing something for him because I'm not busy I do things for him.. Dad does have Dementia but his Aristocratic manner with me is the way he's treated me my entire life so YES I have to defend myself or he will really take advantage. My FIL Charlie was so much easier to take care of, he never asked for anything unless he really couldn't do it himself.. I loved fussing over him because he really appreciated it and never used my kindness as an excuse to take advantage. The only thing Charlie ever did that got on my nerves was when he would say twenty times a day..."I think I'm dying" I would do pretty good until about the 15th time it would start wearing on me. I'm on my 3rd parent and I can't even imagine what it would be like caring for all of them at once...egads. It would be like having GP Joe, GM Josephine, GP George and GM Georgina from Charlies family in Willy Wonka. Lildeb, you've got another show stopper there! LOL

I like it when people plainly state their opinions even if they aren't the same as mine. I like to know who each person is and how they think. I always remind myself that we never know from where a person has come from and why they believe as they do. Okay I'm blabbering now so I will just say goodnight everyone.
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☆Make a wish on a falling star! Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.. sweet dreams.

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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the suggestions. MIL isn't very open to the idea of more help. We just started on respite care. She wasn't very open to that idea, but we convinced her. FIL has only gone once, but it turned out very well. He had a hard time remembering her when she went to pick him up, but he can't remember her most days anymore so she wasn't too upset by it. It's only once a month, but it is for five days; and it is always on my days off which are the days she has off so hopefully that helps with her mood swings. Anyway, I've gotta go. Everyone have sweet dreams tonight.

Diane, I ditch that damn bell! My dear mnl had a huge one she had brought over and was ringing it and I ask what in world does she plan on using that thing for? Her reply, "in case I get sick you can hear me." Yes! that is what came out of her mouth. So one day when she was eating I politely look for that huge sucker and hid the freaking thing. I don't think so! I have a small one if and when that time comes.

Cricket, love the cute little dino. ; ) Glad you and your husband got to have a nice dinner and that you try to let your dad know that you are not his servant. of course, AD is hard on them to understand and I think it harder on us to understand what goes through their mind sometimes. Good Luck.

Shelia, you deserve a gold medal you poor poor thing. I have to go ahead and tell you this about my mnl. I was checking on her in the bathroom for she was in their awhile and I tapped on the door and their she was standing and sqaunting with her ass in the air while she is trying to dig out her poop! with a sheet a toliet paper! I was so afraid she was going to fall n break her neck. She said she always does that when she gets constipate. I told her let me know for we have a prescription for her so she don't get that way. Oh, here is a better one. After I mention the med that will help prevent that she turns around the toliet and picks it up and squishes it between her fingers and of course it is in her finger nail for she has to show me is Not constipated that bad. OMG!!!! Gross!!!!

And let just say I am so glad that Monday is only once a wk!!!!!!! Hoping for a whole new bright and peaceful day tomorrow.

Shell? Reminds me of all the snails I captured this morning after the rain. They didn't have a chance. I keep forgetting to buy snail bait. Heehee.
Hugs to all you beautiful Care Givers. Thinking of each one... xo

Sorry Christina. Just can't seem to crawl out of my shell. HeHe Love you.

cattails: when are you going to start speaking what's on your mind? haha
You absolutely CRACK ME UP!!! Love you! Christina xo

Hey guys, back from my Sunday afternoon continuation of the "retreat". I enjoyed it. As I think I said, I met some nice people, in various stages of their spiritual journey. Now this might be offensive to some, but I do want to share it. This is a Lutheran Church, but it is very liberal. I need that, because I really don't want to make judgments about other good people who don't conform to the conservative view of Christianity. The way I look at it is that's why God gets the big bucks. He can take on the burden of judgement. I don't want that job. Shit, I'd have to slit my own throat and mix it with goat blood.

Even though I run my mouth sometimes, I really do like most people and I'm deeply touched by their circumstances. I know I need forgiveness in my life and I am always grateful when it is extended.

So today a really nice lady who was a nun talked about her spiritual journey. She's been with her lesbian partner for 21 years. She's a member of this church and I just thought, "Wow, this is an interesting church." I appreciate that they make room for all God's children.

Cricket, thanks for sharing about your dad. You are so positive and I love that about you, but sometimes it's nice to know you have the same struggles I do. Love your Cricket code.

Gee, this morning in the shower, I found myself praying to my mom to talk to God and please take my dad. "Mom, I'm sorry I pissed you off. I miss you. Do you have any pull up there. Can you visit dad and convince him he needs to leave this earth and be with you. Would you help me with this?" Actually, it felt pretty good to say that prayer.

Love to you all and peace. Cattails.

Cuz and Bobbie, sorry for you loss!

SheilaBlake The story's about your Allen are priceless! My M.D. is doing office visits via the computer and it works out great! I can do a visit for $30 and if for some reason she would want me to come in for her to take a peek at my throat or anything there is no additional charge. She has it set up through "Relay Health" online and I believe you can go there and have them send a request from you to join them to provide their service. My Dad has had a ferocious appetite this pass year also, seems like an neverending stream of dishes to do in my kitchen. One day I decided that I was so sick of dishes and determined to keep the kitchen clean all day.. long story short, it took me staying in the kitchen the entire damn day to do it! I concluded that I refused to stand at the kitchen sink all day to keep my kitchen clean, so I let them pile up and do them twice a day, it sucks but it sure beats scraping poop out from under fingernails! Hah! LOL

I tell you guys what an entertaining group of folks we take care of! Tonight my Husband and I went out to dinner and we brought Dad some food back, so Dad takes the appetizer quickly into his room to eat then hollars out to me to warm up the other food and bring it into him (this is the rediculous way he tries to treat me), so I go into his room and ask "Dad are you sick?" He says no, So then I ask him "so why did you ask me to warm up your food and bring it to you?" He says because I....I.... then I jump in and say "because you're being lazy?' then I just said...see how you treat me Dad, it's just not right. I could tell by the look on his face he wasn't happy to see this about himself but he still didn't apologize and I just shook my head and left the room. In his mind he thinks I am his servant to be at his beck and call and In my mind..I am his daughter who loves her father and is happy to help him when he really needs it but refuses to be anyone's servant much less my fathers. Hah, okay that's my rant for the night! But it's still not as bad as what many of you have to rant about!!

Angelhair, I am so glad you vented and it helped. I think the suggestion to hire someone to come in one day a week for both you and mil would be great. It would be nice for both of you to both have the day off at the same time. It does sound like both of your are just exhausted and her temperment is nowhere near as tolerable as yours. What an incredible situation you have going on in your house. Just keep in mind that like all of us, you always have other options and there is no shame is deciding to use them. Bless your heart.

Diane, I'm so glad you and James got to have some alone time! Your gardening sounds heavenly. You poor thing having had the bell rung 8 times last night! Omg! No wonder you feel the black hole creeping up.. I pray you get some sleep tonight.
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,,,,, _,—-,_/,,/ , RAWR Means .
,,,,/,,,,,,,,,,,,,,/ , I Love You .
_/…(…|.(…|) , In Dinosaur .
/__.-|_|–|_| Cricketღ

Alan has started cramming as much food as possible into his mouth at one time. Today he licked his plate. But that's much better tolerated than when he digs in his poopie diapers. I don't know which is worse. Cleaning his fingernails with moist poop or dried, caked-on poop. I surely never envisioned this day when I said "I do."

I'm with you guys when it comes to being grossed out. My MIL's new thing is she has this rash on her shoulder & won't quit picking it. She gets blood on her fingers & don't wash it off unless I tell her. We are all grossed out incase she puts those disgusting fingers in the cookie jar or something we might be eating. Thank God she doesn't do any of the cooking!!! I put cookies in a spot that she doesn't know about & told my son's &husband to not eat the cookie jar ones. She can have them all!!! I put some potato chips in a container for her too & hid the rest. I have to watch now while she has this rash of anything else she might go for that we want to be sure we are not eating after her. I'm putting bandages on her rash but she won't leave them on. I keep putting Neosporin on it hoping to heal it REALLY QUICK before I have to start hiding everything. I'm trying to think of anything like these foods that she might be touching .Gag me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Judy..we feel see and hear and smell your pain here. care is care and then there is Oh God not again....Please make it stop...

I am sorry to hear of your loss Cuz hope you and bobbie doing Ok.

Hi Diane: Hope you got some sleep last night. Take care of your back.
Welcome Judy: This is the place to vent. OMG on the eating issues. I feel bad, but my husband and I can't eat meals with my dad. I'll sit and chat with him after he's done and having a cup of coffee, but not during a meal. The noise and the visuals are too much for me and the big sneeze....raschoooooo..covers the table with food. Not nice. Oh well, that's the way it is and it won't change.

Hope everyone is having some good times this weekend.

Angelhair, you are truly superwoman and a saint. Cattails, some very good suggestions and Judy, I hate to tell you, but it's going to get worse. Keep venting! I'm nursing a bad back today. I guess I lifted mom one too many times.

Try have a good day all!

Love ya,
Diane

This is the Grossed out Discussion, so I'm going to let it all out. Sorry! My dad thoroughly grosses me out (aside from not bathing and wearing the same smelly clothes). He picks his ears, digs them with a toothpick, and then makes a pile of whatever he gets out of them, on the leg of his jeans. After he inspects it, HE BRUSHES IT OFF HIS LEG ONTO THE COUCH AND FLOOR! Makes me want to puke. No lie. I refuse to sit in my parents' family room. We've asked him to stop and he does, but then he starts up again. He has the memory of a gnat anymore. Forgets things from one minute to the next, so who knows if he even remembers that we've asked him to stop. I wonder if he even understands how unacceptable his digging is for that matter. And, my mother.... its her breath. I can't take it. When I offer her a mint, she doesn't want it and then I get stuck with oldladyzilla breath in the car and I have to aim my air vent right at my face to avoid it. And, she talks with food in her mouth. She tucks it into her cheek like a chipmunk and talks, but little bits of it still fly out. What the heck? She taught us better than that. And, her latest, is coughing without covering her mouth, like turning her head to the side is okay. Its not. Especially when she's digging into a barrel of the self serve stuff in the bulk section. OMG. I'm trying to be patient but I know my lip curls up, and when I try to gently remind her of her manners, she gets indignant. UGH! Okay. Done venting.

Angelhair: You are a saint. Can I just suggest that you and your husband set some firm boundaries with MIL about your days off. She is not to wake up your husband at 7am and order you both to get on the garden when he has gotten home from work at 1am and it is supposed to be your day off.

If she wants additional help on the day you have off with your children, then she should hire it. Your time with your children and your husband is just that. You have a family too.

I'm sure her life is difficult, but my guess is she probably finds work less stressful that being home with her mom and husband. She needs a day off too. See if it is possible to hire someone for a day a week to give you both a day off.

Love and best wishes, Cattails.

Thanks for being there. I feel much better after my speel. Anyway, everything is now calm. The kids are watching a movie and the old folk are in bed. MIL has also calmed down and is sitting with the kids. I am still very tired, but glad my husband was at work when the whole tirade after swimming went down. He has no patience for temper tantrums and I don't think he would have been very nice since he was already upset with her. Anyway, Love you all and I hope everyone has a great week. Remember to always forgive and forget (even when it is extremely difficult) for tomorrow is another day and you never know; it just might be glorious!

Hello all, I apologize if I seem like an over-complainer (if that's even a word), but I have had it with MIL for the day. We woke up and my husband had a migraine. So I go downstairs just in time to hear her say "I send her to the store and she brings back crappy bread." Well, I did get cheep bread, but when she sent me to get bread for french toast the next morning she wanted two gallons of milk also; and she only sent me with ten dollars. I walked in the room and said "Maybe you should have gone to get it yourself if you don't like it." I told MIL that her son had a bad migraine and I went back up to our room. Then she came upstairs crying and apologizing about what she had said and woke him up. Since he was up she insisted that he get dressed so we could get going on the garden. Well, I understand that we need to get the garden going, but we aren't even planting until Tuesday because we are so busy; and it could have waited. He was miserable. So because he was miserable he was short with the kids, which in turn made them grouchy and upset and downright disobdient. Well, my husband had to leave for work before the garden was finished; he still had a bad migraine; and MIL was grouchy because he made her feel extremely guilty all day for not letting him sleep. Which that is also understandable because he got home from work at 1am and ended up getting up at 7am because she insisted on doing the garden early in the morning. However when we got downstairs we found that we had to run buy the seeds because she didn't get them picked up last week when she said she would, and then since we were out could we please pay her car payment for her and mail out some important documents. By the time we got home again we had two hours to do the garden, then my husband left for work. The rest of us finally finished the garden at 6pm. The kids all worked really hard to help; and their Dad had promised them that they could go swimming after we were all done; so I took them swimming. MIL said she would start supper while we were gone; and I told her we would probably be late so not to wait for us. We got home shortly after 7pm and she was in a mood. FIL and GGIL were barely eating, he hadn't had his meds so he was in a difficult mood. Oh my Gosh! I walk into the house to her screaming at my kids, saying do this and do that and She doesn't need this aggravation when she already has to deal with her husband and mother. Apparently one of the kids turned their nose up at what she made for dinner. I understand her insult, but come on they're kids. It's no reason to fly off the handle. I could tell she was angry because we missed supper. And I wasn't there to help with the elderly folk, but it was just the three of them; and it was my day off. Seriously! What does she think I do all day while she's gone? I take care of her husband with alzheimers, and her mother who is 97 years old and sometimes a handful, and my 4 kids, and my husband, and I still manage to clean what needs to be cleaned in the house, help the kids with their homework, get supper on the table by 5:30-6:00pm, get FIL to bed by 7:30pm and help GGIL get ready for bed by 8pm and not lose my temper. How is it that she's home for one day responsible for just the three of them and is already screaming at everyone. I know it's hard to watch her husband deteriorate day after day; and I know it's exhausting to her to go to work and be a nurse just to come home and do it all over again until her next shift. And I know it's frustrating and difficult for her to send him away for several days for respite. Especially when he can't remember her more and more. I fed my kids their supper and sent them upstairs. I told her if she couldn't be civil to my kids, even when she was full of turmoil, then I didn't know how this was going to work. My children do not need to be yelled at by their grandmother. That is my job; and not one of them did a thing to deserve it. She started bawling and saying how sorry she was and that she really does appreciate all that we do. I don't know if it was right, but I suggested that she apologize to her grand kids. and she did. Anyway, she is a very emotional creature and I am just... ...tired.
After taking care of FIL and GGIL for two very long days I did not have a very good day off.
In case anyone was wondering:
MIL = mother-in-law
FIL = father-in-law
GGIL = great-grandmother-in-law

Hi Crew,
I don't have a lot to say. Just struggling with the day to day challenges of caregiving. It has been very busy at work and mom has been extra challenging, so the last week has been very stressful. If I can make it through this next week, the worst will be behind me at work.

Bobbie & Cu, sorry about the loss of your uncle. I haven't had a chance to check in with Bobbie this weekend. My b/f and I checked out a plant sale at the farmers market today. Amazingly my brother took my mom out to the sale and took her to lunch. At least this gave me and James some time to ourselves. I've been running on low today since mum ran her bell 8 times last night. I hope to make some nice container gardens with the plants I bought today. I also found some portulacas that can handle the intense SC heat.

Maybe it's just the tiredness and stress, but I'm feeling the black hole creeping up on me. I hope mom will let me sleep tonight so I can work 1/2 day tomorrow. I manage to get a lot done on the weekend when I am at work by myself. I have 6 tours leaving this week.

I hope you all can get a peaceful night's rest and I'll check in soon again. Oh, Lildeb, the prices you were quoted for help is about the same here in SC. I pay $16-$17 per hour for "companion care". Skilled nursing starts at $32 per hour.

Good night everyone. Sweet dreams.

Love Ya,
Diane

Lildeb ~ The rates you quoted are actually low compared to the Chicagoland area, which is $20-25. However the social worker Alan had when he was discharged from NH rehab said that I can expect that they do light housework while they're here. It somehow gripes my ass to have to pay for someone to sit with Alan when I'm gone, but I can get behind paying for "maid service", because I hate housework. So, put together a list of chores you hate to do and smile when you return to a clean house.

After Alan's first stroke, I felt totally imprisoned. I couldn't even run out for milk. But I've found I can now take him with to the grocery store, and he's content to sit in the car and wait... Except for the one time when he wasn't in the car when I was finished. I knew he couldn't have gone far, because he can't walk any kind of distance. I found him inside with a cup of Starbucks in his hand, graciously supplied free by the lady at the counter, helping himself to cookies in the bakery display, happier than a pig in s**t. There was another problematic time when he wouldn't get out of the car when we got home, because "this isn't my house." Took me six hours to get him into the house.

Deefer ~ I know that the diaper tabs are supposed to be repositionable, but they stick so well that, when I undo them, they destroy the diaper because of ripping the plastic. I've found that I can sometimes get the diaper up and down to toilet by verrrrrrrrry gently easing them. It would just be far easier if they would make a large-capacity pullup.

I know what you guys mean about going to the doctor unnecessarily. My allergist is very understanding. She knows I have to drag Alan with me, and she's in Northwestern, which is much more difficult to navigate than a local doctor. I also understand that they make their money by billing office visits. I've been thinking of asking my doctors if we can have "phone" visits that they can bill for in instances in which having a living body isn't necessary. That way, I'm happy, because I haven't had to spend my whole day going in for a 15-minute visit, and they're happy, because they have their pocket full of money.

Cuz ~ Luved your joke. And sorry about your loss.

Cricket ~ I keep forgetting to tell you how much I enjoy your signature cricket hops.

Lildeb: Take care of yourself. I hope you get some help with the care giver issue. You are an angel.

Scape2: Hope the cipro helps.

Cuz: Sorry you and Bobbie lost your uncle.

I had a good day today at my retreat. Just so nice to be with people and hear their stories. God is truly in each of us.

Blessings everyone.

I got a call yesterday from the Area Anging Agency and she is sending me an assesment form to fill out and she is going to look for other resources for me that may be a bit cheaper. I also found out that I can get some training for CPR that way if the mnl ever chokes or something, I will be prepared. We went out to eat in the Super Walmart and spent almost 3 hours trying to shop for grocery and etc. I actually bought two slide door locks to prevent the mnl getting into a closet and etc. Of course while shopping I feel my blood sugar dropping so here I am popping glucose tablets and trying get grocery. She kept asking the same question over -n- over and I'm like bla. Please glucose pills kick in! I did not think I had burned that much energy just shopping. However, we made it through the grocery shopping and we actually got everything on the list and some. I also bought a rotissure chicken so all I had to do is put in some mini frozen biscuits into the oven for supper and we used paper plates. yes! A break from cooking n washing dishes. : )
I hope everyone is able to find a few moments of stress free today.

Cuz, sorry for your two losses but like you mention he is not in pain. Glad to hear that your mil is okay from her fall. I cannot believe that you ma at her age is able to live by herself. That is fantastic.

Was reading about the UTI issues. My Mom has been getting one every 6 weeks or so, We might put her on a low dose of cipro.

Was reading about the UTI issues. My Mom has been getting one every 6 weeks or so, We might put her on a low dose of cipro.

Sorry to hear about your uncle. You will be in my prayers. Take care of yourself. Love to you &your family.

That was just my our uncle that passed
Cuz

Hey thought I would pass along some sad news. Our captain bobbie and my uncle passed away after a long illness. It was a blessing in disquise cause no more pain and suffering.
My MIL will be 94 and is doing great. She is back in assisted living from a fall.
My ma is 87 and starting to slow down but still lives by herself.
LovCuz

LEXIPHILES . . .

To write with a broken pencil is . . . Pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . Take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . Got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, . . . U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . Was on
shaky ground.

The batteries were given out . . . Free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.
where there is a will is a . . . Dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist . . . You can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . And a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you . . .
A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if . . . You can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: . . . The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is . . . Hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center . . . You've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .
Resisting a rest.

The fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . .
He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . . Jog your
memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . It is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's
your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry . . .. It goes back four seconds

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . Was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory . . . Which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . Exposed in the
end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . She thought she'd
dye.