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Lena and Nadia, are talking over the back fence. Lena, say's "I finally got my husband Oley to quit biting his nails". Nadia, asks "how did you do that". Lena - "ohh it was easy, I hid his false teeth".
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vodka ? plz i ll have a splash of grapefruit with it . throw in some cherries in it too .

got me a bike last night , thought sure i can go anywhere i wanna . phhhht went down the road and my thigh started tighten up , ow ow so i turn around and went back home . going up hill and im tryin so hard to get home . oh gawd im so outta shape . guess i shall keep trying and then i could go extra miles with it .
told louie i ll go to town on my bike and get u a can of tuna cuz i forgot to get em lastnight while getting a bike . crap ! i aint riding in town till my legs becomes tougher , lol .. so louie goes off pouting , poor guy ...

jen - get a fake snake or a big ugly wolf spider a fake one , throw it around and see who jumps . then u ll have a whole house to urself ...

ok i better get off here and go walk my dogs , they were so upset when they saw me riding my bike . poor babies was afraid i chose bike over dogs , nanana ....

meanwhile - thinkin of your horsey ...
xoxoxo
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Bobbie, If my Dad asks me to look at it I'm getting my Husband! That is funny about your Mom. The stuff they put us through, LOL

Now where's that flyswatter...
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Hey there Crew!

omg Cricket with the sex sex of the demented.

ok... pretty sure I told this story awhile back but here it is again:

One day I go into mom's room and she tells me that she doesn't feel right 'down there'. So the first thing I say is: do you want to go to the doctor? No, she doesn't. ok then what's wrong?
I think something is wrong with it.
Like what?
I don't know. (And here's the killer): Would you have a look at it?
OK, gang you all know the caregiver's dilemma. If I take her to the doctor there goes an entire day what with the prep and transport and would have to wait for an appointment to boot... so not wanting this to be a topic of conversation for a week while waiting for a doctor's appointment I, um, had a look at it.

Mom behaved like a teenage girl and had the VJJ to match. That thing looked like it had never been used and was fresh out of the box.
Mine looks like 8 miles of bad road.

I made sure to wear my serious face whilst having 'a look at it' and pronounced it perfect without any problems and that was the end of it. She never went down that path again thank God and in retrospect I understand now that it was demented behavior and ya, they will want to talk about their peckers/VJJ's and want to show you, etc etc.

There's no set answer except maybe arming yourself with a flyswatter and a quart of vodka.

lovbob
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A Moment For You

You're ready to live your dreams
You've got premium fuel in yor tank (hope !)
and an internal GPS set for success.
All you need now is some possitive
thinking to start your engine.
So what are you waiting for?
The time to plan is done.
The time to head off toward
your happy future has come.
WW
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Homeowner vs Bear

... A man in rural Wisconsin wakes up one morning to find a bear on his
roof. So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for
"Up North Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover
says, He'll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a
baseball bat, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean old pit bulldog
.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go
up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the
bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and
not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in
the cage in the back of the van. He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" he asks.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
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Too funny, Cricket. Thanks for the belly laughs.
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Cuz, I loved that story!! xoxo! Prophet, your story was priceless!

Dear Jen, aside from your growing a dick and telling fartpants to bend over and be your bitch I don't think anything you do will scare him, unfortunately! LOL Hang on Girl!!

Well I took Dad to see the Doctor today because he told me he was having weird tingling all over his head for about a week (then he tells me) and considering he has had disc replacement surgery in his cervical spine I figured we should go in just in case it could be additional surgical thing needed.. After we get there and discuss everything with his doctor (female doc) and she steps out he gets all pissy at me because she left and he said he wanted me to go out of the room so he could talk to her about something..I asked him about what? And he says sex.. OMG I am thinking and I told him you did that the last time we were here and she told you not to worry about it unless you get into a relationship.. then I asked him has anything changed? He says no then gets even more pissed at me. I felt like saying should I leave the room so you can show the doc your penis? Which is exactly what has happened with any female doc he's had.. WTF is wrong with the man.. I am thinking maybe I should make an appointment with a sex therapist for him and tell him it is a female doc and then take him and he will be seeing a male doc, hahaha I'd like to see the look on his face when he realizes he has to talk to the male doctor about sex or whatever..priceless.

Okay Evil Cricket had to be let out for a few there. I sure feel better.
Love you all and hope your well and at peace tonight.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
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It is good she is at least using the computer maybe you could ask her if she wants to learn how to maybe email or something my husband would not even try the computer-it would have enriched his life so much to use it that is why we got one in the first place-now I enjoy it so much.
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Computers. The age we are in they do some much. My Mom used computers for years while working for the state government.

Thought I would get her one and get her using the internet,email, etc.

Thankfully, I bought a used one at a good price. Mom uses it a lot....but just for two things.

1) Playing solitare.
2) Check obituaries.

Thats it. I have tried to introduce to her other things but those two functions are all she uses. Still for the amount she does use the device, I don't care if it is a computer or a $250.00 Solitare-obituary checking machine.


Word on my coworker who was injured on Monday. Surgery to stop bleeding in the head and remove bone fragments off of brain tissue was successful. He is in an induced coma for now. The outlook is way better today than it was Monday. Keep the prayers coming.

Igore
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Hey Jen: Maybe you are using the wrong tactics. Continue to walk quietly, but once you have managed to sneak up behind him, do something to scare the living crap out of him. Maybe the wolf head would help. Think about it, you could make him a nervous wreck. How's his heart? After a few good scares, he might not be thinking so much of leering. Pahahahahaha!!!!!

Prophet, that's a funny story; 90 year old must have picked up dog DNA. Oh well, at least she wasn't running on all fours, you would have never caught up to her.

Some of these old, mean, dementia folks can do the most amazing things. I can't recall the post exactly, but some one was talking about getting their ass kicked by an 83 year old. It's hard not get a mental picture of this that makes you laugh. Pahahahahah.

Ok, back to the real world. Love, Cattails.
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Thank you for making me laugh, yes its gross. I remember years ago watching an elder with Alzeimers. We were in the kitchen and i was fixing her lunch while I thought (lol) she was sitting at the table waiting patiently. Only when I turned to put the plate on the table she was on the floor drinking out of the dogs bowls of food and water. OMG!!! I didn't know what to do so when I called her name, she must have known she had done something wrong - I don't know - but then she took off running out the door. I had no experience with the disease - I took off running too after this 90 year old woman who when I reached her was ready to go and I could hardly breathe. OMG!!
Try to laugh and laugh some more - a toothbrush to comb her hair !!!!!
Its not funny but the things Alzeimers and dementia patients are capable of is truly amazing to me.
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oh dear jsomebody ... wrap ur blanket over u and wear ur scariest wolf mask on and maybe he ll freakout . hope u do have halloween mask , i have a wolf and witch . wanna borrow it ?
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Here I made a funny on another post: In the gauging of terrible circumstances in life: "You will know how terrible they are by/in direct correlation to how much distance the rest of your family puts between you and the reality of your life...

pahahahaha

she is asking is it wrong to wish someone would just die...I just hauled my moms clothes upstairs and fed my dog avoiding fart pants at all angles sure not to bend over in front of him or show my chest, so I layer and or throw on an apron. I move quietly and hope to GOD he doesn't' insist on trying his sicko.
"Good Mornin' Jenny!" leer leer
No, by my standards it is A O.K. to wish someone would drop dead. Just as long as you don't help them along...
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Thanks cuz, for sending the uplifting post. made me feel better.
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oh cuzz thank you for sendin this , aww i had no idea ! i love don knotts !!
yep he sure made me laugh , in fact dad loved him , everybody love that guy , shame on his father .
aww thanks cuz :-)
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Sorry no jokes tonight but thought ya might enjoy this one.
luvCuz

A Dreamer and A Chicken Plucker

Let me tell you, Jesse hated this job. And you would too, I imagine, if you had to do it.
Jesse was a Chicken Plucker. That's right. A Chicken Plucker! He stood on a line in a chicken factory and spent his days pulling the feathers off dead chickens so the rest of us wouldn't have to. It wasn't much of a job. But at the time, Jesse didn't think he was much of a person.

His father was a brute of a man. His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill and treated Jesse rough all of his life. Jesse's older brother wasn't much better. He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up. Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in West Virginia .

Life was anything but easy. And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him.
That's why he was standing in this chicken line, doing a job that darn few people wanted.
In addition to all the rough treatment at home, it seems that Jesse was always sick.
Sometimes it was real physical illness, but way too often it was all in his head.
He was a small child, skinny and meek. That sure didn't help the situation any.
When he started to school, he was the object of every bully on the playground.
He was a hypochondriac of the first order.

For Jesse, tomorrow was not always something to be looked forward to. But, he had dreams. He wanted to be a ventriloquist. He found books on ventriloquism. He practiced with sock puppets and saved his hard earned dollars until he could get a real ventriloquist dummy.

When he got old enough, he joined the U.S. Army. And even though many of his hypochondriac symptoms persisted, the Army did recognize his talents and put him in the Entertainment Corp.

He served from 1943 to 1946. During the enlistment, his world changed. He gained confidence. He found that he had a talent for making people laugh, and laugh so hard they often had tears in their eyes. Yes, little Jesse had found himself.

You know, folks, the history books are full of people who overcame a handicap to go on and make a success of themselves, but Jesse is one of the few I know of who didn't overcome it. Instead he used his paranoia to make a million dollars, and become one of the best-loved characters of all time in doing it!

Yes, that little paranoid hypochondriac, who transferred his nervousness into a successful career, still holds the record for the most Emmies given in a single category.

This wonderful, gifted, talented, and nervous comedian brought us Barney Fife.

He was:
Jesse Donald "Don" Knotts
July 21, 1924 - Feb. 23, 2006
NOW YOU KNOW, "THE REST OF THE STORY"
See, not all e-mails are junk!
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I found that most helpful changing just one thing for my good was the most helpful and made me feel much stronger just avoiding his calls from rehab gave my spirit a good boost and made me in charge of one small thing helped so much.
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Shelia, thanks for sharing the story it was awesome and educational. You are soooooooo right about creating positive fun experience for both the person with AZ and the caretaker.
Today, the mnl water the flower pots where I had showed her where 'we' planted seeds together and now they are coming up. Now, we will have to just wait and see what kind of flowers 'we' had planted, ; )

I am really into this book called, "The 36 Hour Day," and it has no pictures. One of the parts in the book mention that, "If you are at the end of your rope, single out one thing that you can change to make life easier, and work on that. Sometimes changing small things make a big difference." I have notice this part to help ease the tension for 'both' of us in 'our' house.
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elnmrp ~ Re: correcting unacceptable behavior; learned I'm spinning my wheels; acceptance. One of our caregiver buddies said our loved ones get into a groove of running the hamster wheel with their repetitive behaviors. We do too. I remember spinning my wheels trying to bring my husband back to the real world. It took a while to realize that that world no longer exists for him; therefore it doesn't exist for me relative to him. Acceptance. Why is it so hard? Why is it so painful? Why?
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So, who doesn't get it? WhooHoo! Nice to see the old girls, and new posters, welcome.
Hey, what ever happened to those t-shirts? OBMAJ, with the lips and fangs showing, glow in the dark artwork? That would have been a nice thing to wear when getting up with elders at 1 in the morning--and at 3, 4:30, 5, and then we're up for the live-long fricking day. I remember those days, and I don't miss them one bit. Decisions to place are made by one's own volition, and some have more guilt to deal with, less money, a stronger heart or stomach, whatever. It seems to be one of those lessons for our age group that determines the last third of our lives. I never thought that caring for an elder parent would be more consuming than other life challenges. Once you have been a caregiver, you can do anything and not be afraid. It's good experience if you don't let it kill you, right, Bobbie? Kind of like Russian Roulette. Just one more trip to the bathroom, then we're done.
Good luck, Selfish Siblings, in straightening out your situation. To resume a normal life is like a vacation. Caregiving for self-centered people really makes one appreciate the loving, thoughtful people in life. Look forward to enjoying your life again, dear girl.
Hope you newbies in the trenches learn from these situations. Take care of yourselves.
Hugs, Christina xo
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OK, I wrote a longer post with yet another answer and argument for placement but decided to pull it at the last minute.

SS, drop her off at your brother's. Doesn't matter she doesn't want to go. Whether you live or die is not up to your mom. It is NOT OK for the demented and elderly to hurt our health and kill us.

ok, there's the synopsis...

love you guys way more than you'll ever know. Even the ones who don't get it yet.

lovbob
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Good Morning, SS You sound like you are wavering in your decision not to resign that lease. Please hold firm to your decision, you deserve to look out for yourself. No one else in your family is thinking of your well being so you must hold your ground and be firm in your resolve to change your life for the better. You know nothing will change if it is left up to others, be strong! Get your life back. Make your decision and follow it through. Get your focus on YOU and all the rest will play out. I am here to support you.

Linda... here's an idea.. why not write up a one page newsletter in honor of your Pa with pictures of him and in it put a thank you to everyone who sent flowers? If you like the idea and need help putting it together I will help you.

Well I thought OBMAJ meant "oh bite my ass Jeez" LOL

Cricketღ
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ok i lied too .... i never did go in pa s room . :-( kuli maybe flex is right we shall go on the boat . bobbie will feed us enuff coffee and then we be ready to clean out pa s room ? ya think ??
i ended up doing laundry and puttin away laundry then went outside and sat . what the hell !
deefer !! sorry ur mom has grew enuff arms to be grabbing things more and more . geeze , pretty soon she ll arm wrestle you ! guess her arm is stronger than ever . tell her to becareful it ll break again !
today looks gloomy out , i dont know if its suppose to rain or what ? haventrealy sat down to watch the news , when it comes on i dont know where my eyes went .
i need to send off thankyou card , for the flowers etc . havent done that yet either , my sis in law said she never sent hers out when her brother passed away . mmm my mom would come down and scold me if i didnt cuz it is a thing to do . respect back and thank you for the flowers even tho i dont know where it went .
familes i havent seen f orever were grabing what flowers they wanted . didnt get the card out of the flowers so i dont know what to do . guess they wont get any card lol .
gas has gone up to 4.15 here lastnight ., damn i need a bike to peddle around and ride myself to small store to get ciggy , i dont have a bike ! waaaaaaaaa . my kids has bikes here when they were little . to small for me . lol , see me ride it to town , bet i be the laughin stock there . prob end up havin a flat tire cuz the tires are old and rotten . oh hell with it ! ill just walk !!!

cattail- u have a good time with ur baby girl . i wishing u a wonderful time . i love havin happiness around me . enjoy the trip dear . xoxo

you all have a happy weds ,,,, xoxo
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SS you have to do what is needed for you to do as your heart tells you -you plan to get her a companion might be the best for now and try -no DO detach yourself from her for most of the time let the other members of the family get off the pot and help.
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I am so sorry with all your problems-I had a husband with memtal illness and also fx. my spine and finally had the cement put in which was a mistake it would have been better to let it heal by itself. Please come back here as often as you need to-we get it.
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heidi hope ur spine heals up soon and get back of swingin of things .
what you did is what i would have done . takin care of 2 in laws oh my gosh !
u said ur hubby is driving you nuts ? maybe u shall run away and be gone all day . maybe hubby will realize that he cant live with out you .
it ll get better sooner as time heals . well i hope .
in my case it seems like it never got better .

ingore - u had me crackin up a big smile ! it is what it is woo hoo .

rip !! lalala u forgot to say yep obmaj ! heehee

oh gosh made coffee and havent had a ciggy ! i best go get one in me .
love you all . meanwhile - hug ur horsey for me . xoxoxo
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Hi everyone, meeting with the lawyer went fine yesterday. Still more papers to find and copy. But I'm almost done with the Medicaid filing so that's good. Haven't signed the lease yet. Told my mother she needed to get the other two sibs on board or I'm not signing it. But I probably will anyway. And I think Cattails is exactly right. Even if my Mom did go stay with my brother for a month or two, I'm still carrying all the weight. Plus, on top of it, she comes right out and says "I don't want to go there! Why do I have to go there?" And I tell her because she is killing me and ruining my life. And she doesn't get it. She only thinks of herself. Everything you've all said is true. I just don't seem to affect the change. I've stayed away from my narcissistic, dysfunctional sister for the last few years and now I think I need to stay away from Mom, until she is sick enough and then put her in a home. The only thing I can think of is to hire a companion, someone to drive her around and visit with her. I'll still help her manage the bills (Dad used to but now he's in a NH), and take her to church on Sunday but that's it. What do you guys think of that? Please chirp in!!

Luv the OBMAJ story!!!! Thanks for the laugh!
luv to all. - SS
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I tried to take care of both of my inlaws. their daughter ran and moved away to GA. Their son, my husband had a nervous breakdown adding to the mix and then I fell and fractured my spine. I was pretty much forced to put them in two different care facilities. my mother in law hates me, my father in law has never been happier.
I simply cannot care for them recovering froma spinal fracture myself. My husband takes up ALL of my time with his nervous breakdown. We are slowly losing all our money because of this hideous situation. I am so nervous myself he is driving me nuts.
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Hi Diane: Thanks for the explanation. I can only imagine the reaction of the :Oh bite me Amber Jane" and I am seriously sorry I wasn't around when it was said. You guys are the bomb.

Being on this thread has been the best and the past few days have been very healthy for me. I so appreciate the honesty that has been shared here, you know, "Tell it like it truly is." Glad to know that I can be myself and embrace my lack of enthusiasm for this ongoing job. I do what I must do and I do it well, but I don't like being a prisoner to it. Something has to shift. I want my life back.
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