Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Good evening,
cuz49341, I like the jokes, especially the catholic heart attack.
I have posted some, unloaded some and many of you have been so kind to me. Gotta say I appreciate it.
Christina, you are right about the understanding and encouragement and I will take your word on the "extremely sane" part even if it is a leap of faith. You, as well as Cricket, cattails, and others have been helpful in giving me a woman’s perspective on things. I hang with dudes, I have two sons, and I, like most men are dense when it comes to things feminine.
Angelhair, I commend your husband. I strive to do the same for my wife as well. For me it is a great example. Also, I liked the story about Kevin. We see folks like him as cursed when they really are blessed in ways we can't understand. Intellect is a great asset but not always so when it comes to faith.
Anyways, thanks to all. I hope I can be a help to others here as you have been to me.

Taxi story...loved this one!!

An Arab enters a taxi..........

Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio .......

So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.

The Arab asks him: “Watt are you doing man?”

The cabby answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
So get out and wait for a f-----g camel.”

Hi cindretha,
It sounds like your Mom's version of dementia. Maybe the Doctor can switch her meds? Have you spoken to her doctor?
Welcome to Grossed Out! Where you can vent, moan, cry, and get understanding and encouragement from extremely sane caregivers. Yes, we are:) tell us more!

Hi everyone-I got back last night and now need to rest we did so many things while I was at my sister's including going to the Philly flower show.

We're getting more calls from the assisted living place where mom resides. She's 89 going on 3 these days: refuses to help herself most often, doesn't want to go down to the dining hall for meals, wets herself and refuses to get changed even with help, cries and yells at the aides when they come to help her. This has all been new and thought to be a side effect of a med she'd been on for UTI but she's been off that med for a couple weeks now and it's still going on. Dr prescribed a mild anti-depressant to help with the mood-swings so we're hopeful it helps. But we can't help wondering if there's an underlying medical condition involved, or other issue that's been undetected and untreated. Thoughts? Ideas?

Good Afternoon,
It was nice to see Igore and all newbies! Yay! Where are oldies? Wow. Say hi once in a while. I'm not mentioning any names, but I know who is lurking. Whaaaa.
Angelhair, yes, you have a fantastic man for a husband and neat kids! WhooHoo!
meanwhile2, bless your heart finding that hat. Like LindaHeart with Pa's socks. How many memories and emotions are held in inanimate objects. I hope Omaha will respond better to the anti-biotic. Blessings and Hugs to you.
Jen, hey I like the idea of sending bills to whoever can pay them, right? What's up?How's your hair? What color of red is it now? I tried that once, but after a few washings it was rust colored. Girl had not used gold as a filler. Very important. This past year I am finally going gray, so pretty soon my weaves will be easier and cheaper. Gee, I wonder what made my hair turn gray?...
Kevin is what we are supposed to be if we have pure hearts. Kevins are my favorite kind of people. And Crickets. heehee I was a lot like Kevin in my childhood, and still would be if I did not have to deal with so many rotten people. Human nature is certainly disappointing. We need to keep God under the bed, and in our hearts:) xoxo
Really thinking about our Captain and praying as always for health and Peace. Austin: are you baaaack? Say hi, dearest one:) xo
Rosella must have A LOT of translating to do. Miss you, Regina della Tutto. xo
Hugs to LindaHeart. Hope you are resting and getting over bad cough. xoxoxo
Thinking of all: much Love and Blessings to you, here and there. Christina xo

Hi everyone, Igore thanks for sharing your story with us. I appreciate your honesty and the situations you face daily. Sometimes it's good to just come here and talk to help unload some of the stress. Know that you're not alone when it comes to the Jerry Springer like family members, we all have them. My husband is an electrical engineer contractor also so I know what you mean about finances and family members that always try to rely on you for help. Been there and done that, lots.

Angelhair, You've got a great husband! Your MIL is the kind of person that will always do that to you as long as you don't set firm boundaries with her. It's hard when you are a nice person to do this because you feel like you are being mean or going against your nature but once you stand up for yourself and stand firm she will back down. I've had to deal with family who act the same way. Your kids sound great! I see a future writer/artist in your daughter. I loved the "kevin" story! The story really exposes how much many of us live under clouds of illusions.

Cricketღ

I liked this so much that I just had to pass it on. Too bad more people aren't more like Kevin.

"GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED"
"I envy Kevin. My brother, Kevin, thinks God lives under his bed. At
least that's what I heard him say one night.
He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen,
'Are you there, God?' he said. 'Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the
bed....'
I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin's unique
perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something
else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the
very different world Kevin lives in.
He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of
difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2), there
are few ways in which he is an adult.
He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old,
and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives
under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under
our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because
angels carry them.
I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever
dissatisfied with his monotonous life?
Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled,
home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite
macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed.
The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers
excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn
child.
He does not seem dissatisfied.
He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of
simple work.
He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove
before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty
laundry for his next day's laundry chores.
And Saturdays - oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my Dad
takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes
land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger
inside. 'That one's goin' to Chi-car-go! ' Kevin shouts as he claps his
hands.
His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.
And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.
He doesn't know what it means to be discontent.
His life is simple.
He will never know the entanglements of wealth or power, and he does
not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats.
His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they
may not be.
His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working.
When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is
completely in it.
He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave
a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows
how to relax.
He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is
pure.
He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept,
and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.
Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid
to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent,
always sincere. And he trusts God.
Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he
comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with
Him in a way that is difficult for an 'educated' person to grasp. God
seems like his closest companion.
In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy
the security Kevin has in his simple faith.
It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine
knowledge that rises above my mortal questions.
It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the
handicap. I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances -
they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care.
Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all,
he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after
dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God.
And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all
amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God
heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under
his bed.
Kevin won't be surprised at all ! "

Thanks to all of you. I am feeling much better now. Ready to get on with my day. I thought it was only fair to tell you all that I do have more than one day off a week. Usually I'll end up watching him on those days for a few hours during appointments, but I agree that she was being selfish. She can't expect me to drop everything whenever she wants to go do something. I guess my husband told her that if she needed her nails done so badly then she could just take her husband with her. I'm thinking that's what really upset her. She's really a very nice lady; and I do love her. She can just be very inconsiderate sometimes. I do have to say I laughed my butt off inside when he told me he told her that. It really shouldn't be funny, but we've gotta laugh things off or we'd spend our entire lives crying.
On happier notes, all of my kids got A's and B's on their report cards. I am so proud! My oldest finally got her foods project done. She was supposed to cook 17 items at home and have me sign off on them, but she went one further and made a cookbook out of everything she made, with pictures and all. She's handing it in today a month early. I can't wait to hear what her teacher thinks about that. I'm so proud of her. Now if I can just get her to stop reading and drawing in class when she's supposed to be doing schoolwork. lol Actually, she seems to be doing a lot better with that, but I'll keep a close watch because she had 9 assignments from four classes that she had to make up because of that. Her books and artwork has been banned from all classes at school except for those classes she has to read or draw in. I'm afraid that she's learning the hard way to prioritize her time.
cuz, that was hilarious. I'm going to have to send that one to my husband. He loves funny jokes.

Pahahahahaa yes, send that bill!

Catholic Heart Attack

(You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!)

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse. The paramedics rushed him to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to.

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." "Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she's a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Found this silly stuffed frog, wearing a big red heart, in the closet. Cried for an hour. My husband gave it to me last year for Valentine's day. But, I do remember how I laughed when he gave it to me. It was a kind of a joke we had, that he was my frog prince.
Angel, your husband sounds like a prince. MIL was out of line.
Still doctoring Omaha's poor nose. He had a check-up with the Vet today. Wants to send him to another Vet with a surgery suite to reconstruct his sinus cavity, but have to wait another 2 to 3 weeks so they can tell for sure what bone fragments have died. At least they switched him to antibiotic pills, instead of shots.

Can we give a big crew welcoming to our favorite monster, Igore. He has paid his dues and has a lot to share.

Angelhair, kudos to the hubby for speaking up. Your mil sounds like an inconsiderate boar. I hope you got to enjoy the time you did get to spend with your family. If your mil is an er nurse she probably only works 3 or 4 days a week. You should have more than 1 day a week off. But then again, I know about selfish inconsiderate famliy members.

Have a good night everyone and get some rest.

Love ya,
Diane

It was very inconsiderate of her to make that appointment then. Theres 6 other days in the week. She should have made arrangements for someone else to be with him. You would think she would have even made arrangements for other days so you could do things with your family. I think she should have taken a few days off anyway knowing they were coming. Anymore people just amaze me with things they do!!!What did your family think? Sometimes I wonder what planet people live on!! Don't YOU DARE feel guilty for this. SHE WAS WRONG.. And I too am so glad your husband spoke up.She must of really embarrassed him in front of your family. Boy honey I thought I've heard it all.//// This takes the cake//// Love to ya, Sherri

Angelhair: It was thoughtless and inconsiderate of your mil to expect you to give up time with your parents so she could get her nails done. I'm glad your husband intervened on your behalf.

Feeling a little unappreciated at the moment. My family came to visit. Halelujia! It's been eight months since I've seen my parents. So glad they came for a week. Anyway, to sum up in case anyone doesn't know. I have four children and my husband works hard nights so he's not much help around the house. We live with my mother-in-law who is a full time nueral rehab nurse. And I take care of my husband's grandmother who is 97 in May and his step-father who is 79 and has around stage 6 alzhiemers. Anyway. The whole time my parents are here I have to take care of the old folks, which is fine. That's what I do; but then on Saturday(my day off) we make plans to go out with my parents. They had to leave early Monday morning and it is the only day I had to spend with just us and them. My husband even woke early that morning even though he had to work until 3am that night. Anyway, we went shooting up in the hills and had a lot of fun; and then we wanted to go swimming. While we were getting ready to go swimming my mother in law sends my daughter downstairs to us, my daughter says "Nana wants to know when we will be done swimming because she made a nail appointment at 2:30pm" she would need me to watch her husband while she went to get nails done which usually takes three and a half hours. Well, my husband says "Hell No!" and goes busting up the stairs. He came back down and said not to worry about it and we left to go swimming. I'm not sure exactly what he said, he said that he told her there was no way in hell he was going to let me stay home and watch her husband on my day off when my family who I hadn't seen for almost a year was visiting and she knew that we had made plans.... I'm not sure all that he said, but she sure was pissed off for the rest of the day. I have to say that I was very offended by what she did. Am I wrong to feel that way? I would never do something like that to anyone. It's just a courtesy not to do that, but I keep thinking that maybe I was wrong to feel that way. My daughter just called and said that she threw up at school so I have to get step-dad in the car and go pick her up. I hope he doesn't cause any grief. Gotta go. Hope you all have a great day and wishing everyone well.

I can hear the crowd chanting, "Igore, Igore, Igore!!!! Oh my gosh, it's so good to hear from you!!! So glad to know you don't go around looking like you smelled a really bad fart!! I'm sure you have reason to from time to time. I love that you are talking again. The silence was a loss to me. That took some good sense on the part of your wife to tell daughter and WESIN to find their own abode. You have survived a lot Igore, you and your lovely wife. Welcome home. Love, Cattails.

I survived the weekend. It wasn't too bad. I went to my mom's home 50 miles from where I live and installed a garden hose spigot for the tenant. Mom’s house had been empty since we moved Mom in with us 4 years ago. When mom left it, I had the unpleasant task of cleaning her house and disposing of most of the furniture. I had to get new insurance awhile back because her insurance cancelled. They don't like empty homes.
Anyways I had "rented" it to my stepdaughter for awhile. That term rented is a misnomer. Rent implies that rent is paid and collected which really didn't happen. Daughter moved out (with my 3 grands) and moved back in with ...wait for it......ME! She ended up losing her job and couldn't afford rent and I although I let it ride for a few months it was the utilities that did her in. Funny how the electric company is a tad more brutal than dad and mom when bills go unpaid.
The thing I feared the most came upon me. Daughter was back in our home. After moving in, my daughter started having my wife’s ex son-in-law visit. (I say ‘wife’s ex son-in-law’ because I never actually claimed him. Even when he was married to our daughter.) These two have been together since high school. Our daughter waited until I was gone on reserve duty to inform my wife that she was pregnant. That was probably a wise move on her part. I don’t have the time/energy to spill the whole story. This is abridged for sure. But nine years and three kids later. My daughter and my wife’s ex son-in-law (wesin) have been shacked up, married, divorced and re-shacked up.
After our daughter left my mother’s home and landed in our house it was a tad bit of madness. We had our daughter, her 3 kids, my wife, me and our two boys and Mom living under one roof. Now I am an electrical engineer, the pay ain’t bad but I am not Donald Trump. (Beside the money difference I don’t have that ugly head of hair - I am folically challenged.) Also I don’t think I go round looking like I smelled a really bad fart.
So we had nine humans living in a tri-level home built in the late 60’s. I insulated the garage and was in the process of making in more conducive to living in. But daughter threw a wrench into this situation. She began having WESIN over for visits. He did not stay overnight, but he was over often. WESIN is the father of our grands so I guess I gotta give him points for that. He is a screw up in most ways but I believe he loves the kids so I put up with him in small doses. Anyways one day my wife says to my WESIN and our daughter, "take your friends w/ benefits somewhere else! If you don't respect yourself at least respect your dad and I". I gotta say I was proud of my wife. That was about 7 months ago. Daughter and WESIN deadbeat have their own place now. In the meantime I managed to get Mom’s home rented to a honest to goodness rent paying tenant that keeps the place clean.
I would really rather sell mom’s place but the market sucks and it is paid for. So for now I am landlord as well as Husband, Dad, breadwinner, and impatient son.

I hope my ramblings have not confused anyone. The whole thing confuses me at times. Thanks to some folks wise than me (as if that were a high bar) I am learning priorities. God-marriage-kids -mom. My wife and I have survived living on the set of Springer for several years (not litterally). We have survived bankruptcy, losing an unborn child, caring for her parents, daughters abusing drugs and a set of in-laws that make Springer folks look almost normal. During this time we managed to find the time to procreate and we had two sons that I love more than my life. We are still standing together (in spite of me).

Evening, dear ones. LindaHeart, my sweet friend: as you indulge unexpected naps, your spirit is renewed and recharged. You take care of yourself and be in your dream world, for that is the transitional place for you right now. It is a gift from God. Your faithful and loving vigilance to Pa during his epilogue was the epitome of pure love. Seriously, I cannot find the words to express this adequately. I only know it was viewed from above with approval.
The identity smells, memory smells. Comfort smells: Even now, I open the armoire in my office with my Mother's out of season clothes, and it hits me. Today, she was speaking normally and coherently. It is puzzling and a pleasant surprise. But I don't get my hopes up. It's a different kind of surprise. It is just enough to make me sad, and keep it to myself.
Love you guys. Have a good night. Pleasant Dreams. xo

Evening all, My hubby's back from his fishing trip and he brought home a cooler full of mangrove snappers so I fixed a batch of fish for him and dad and they enjoyed it.
Thanks for your nice words Christina and Linda, I am really glad I have friends like you! Linda don't expect to much of yourself for awhile.. you are going to need some time to recover your health. Just take those naps as much as you need to. I can relate to how you felt when you found Pa's socks in the dryer.. After my fil Charlie died years ago I kept one of his cotton shirts and I would sit and hold it at times while I would remember him. Then once when one of my girls said they really missed him I went and got the t-shirt and gave it to her to keep for awhile, then later she said it helped her but she thought I might want it back, LOL I took it back and still keep it. Charlie was special to me. So when I see you on the boat and you are holding a pair of socks know that I get it. :)

Welcome to all the new ones that have joined us!

Nighty night all,
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

hello my dear crews .
amen to what christina said about cricket ! she brings sunshine when the clouds are dark .
christina - big hugs to you !! cheers``````

i am feeling lost , havent been to pa s room sinch the day he passed . found some of his socks in my dryer . :( i just held on to it and smelled it and hug it . oh dad ... eveytime i look at my phone i see dad s picture , i kiss his forehead every now and then .
felt so werird to go somewhere and not havin anybody here to take care of dad . no tiime limit no nothing . i sleep alot more hours , i took a 4 hrs nap . missed a beautiful day , i dont feel good . coughin still and dr pescribe me stronger ones , 1tsp every 12 hrs . whoa . i take that at night only . lol makes my head swim ,,,
going to be high 70 so i shall kick my ass and start digging in my flower bed .
newcomers ! welcome .. i love this site and am so glad to be part of the boat .,

i best get off here and go do what ? think im just going to lay on the couch and maybe catch some more of the winks zzzzzzz. love you all !! xoxo

Cricket, you are so nice. You take the time to explain everything and are generous in your nurturing. I like that about you;) and you make pretty pictures for us. And you are healthy!! Yay! I'm glad you are my friend:) We are blessed. xo

Good evening all, Diane, I'm sorry you're subjected to that kind of abuse by your Mother...even though you know she is sick it still hurts. It's very important for you to build yourself up and not give in to it. You know you are a good person. Where would your Mother be if not for her having you? It's okay for you to feel angry and hurt by her words.. in fact it would be normal. Start giving a little more of yourself to yourself, and don't give away everything you've got to your Mother because it leaves you with nothing. I am not just talking about the physical things you do for her, but the mental and emotional energies you put into everything you do as well. What I mean is do the best you can for your Mother but not to the point where you have nothing left of yourself... because when we give away all our energies we are left empty and once depleted like this it's so easy to give in and give up. Remember you're needs and see to them, even if it means you have to say NO to all the other demands.. reserve a little of the love you have for yourself. You deserve it.

Just one point I would also like to share about this and that is what your Mother said was wrong and it hurt absolutely but it might have happened in a few sentences for a few minutes or over a few hours. Don't make the mistake of repeating those hurtful words over and over in your head because by doing that you actually carry on the abuse and magnify it in your mind and thus magnify the pain of it only this time it's not coming from her but from yourself. This is a mistake that we all commonly make and I just wanted to remind you so you don't do this to yourself.

Have a good cry and know that we cry with you then pull yourself up and give yourself a hug and tell yourself you deserve better and you are strong because you would not be where you are if you were not.

Hugs,
Cricket

Hmmm...If you are here on the Boat, we don't have to buy anything. It's free. I'll have a margarita with you. You bring the guacamole. Diane will fix the pork roast and Cricket will make a green drink for dessert. How's that sound? I fixed my wall.
Now you may post a private comment for all the world to see. Cheers!

You can buy a lot of love with guacamole and margaritas.

I think I set up the new formst hiding my wall. I will change it. I have trouble with techy stuff. Heehee. But I fix a mean guacamole and deadly margaritas! WhooHoo!! Thank you:)

Christina: I wanted to put a post on your wall, but it seems you don't have one. Am I doing something wrong or what. Explanation please.

Good first day of Daylight Saving Time Morning,
Oh, Diane, I know that one of these days she will not be able to say those hurtful things to you. I think back a year ago and see how quickly my Mother has changed, and even though mine is still negative, now I feel so badly for her.
I used to wonder why she was so mean and anxious, impatient and self-centered since I was a small child. I can see now that she must have had a mental illness from a very young age, caused by her Mother telling her she was "weak and stupid", which I think is worse than physical abuse.
Unfortunately, she tried to do that to me, but even though I am sensitive and did suffer as a child, I did not truly believe that I was what she tried to put on me. I have fought it all my life, because of my personality. WhooHoo! I am glad I did and it brought me VICTORY!
It feels so good to have power over mean people and succeed instead of letting them win with their hateful words. As a child, we are not as able to defend ourselves, but as adults, it is their false power through manipulation against our knowledge of the truth of our own abilities. You can override it with your knowledge of the facts!
I laugh--in my mind-- at my Mother's now feeble attempts to manipulate because even though I am able to see it for what it is worth, I am a kind, loving person, and way stronger than she ever was. Who wants to believe negative shit about oneself? Remember the war cry of King Arthur: "I command you to fight! Never Surrender! Never Surrender!" I love that war cry. YOU CAN DO IT! Love, Chris

My Mom-in -law was put on anti-depressants to combat the hatefulness and for the most part it helps, there are days when she wants her son to do everything for her and that's when she can get nasty. Telling her that is not very lady like does help sometimes. For the most part I walk away and tell myself it's not her it's the dementia. Bless your heart Dtflex! hang in there! I might add she is petrified of Nursing homes that is why she is with us.