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DFlex - Hercules!! Hahahah....! You kill me! Bobbie - thanks for checking in! Rossella, hope you're thawing out! Christina - read your post about your narcissistic sister. I have one of those, too. But mine doesn't even TRY to visit my parents. And because she has a kid with emotional issues, my mom continues to make excuses for her. It's really not that; it's that neither of my siblings reach out to ME to ask ME how I AM. And it hurts.....but whatever. I'm not going there today because I am in a good mood. I have to get mom ready for surgery tomorrow and even though neither sibling gives a shit, I've been asked to call/write them when the surgery is done. Puts a little puke in my mouth.....So I've decided to award them both, (drum roll please.........), "The President's Day Boil" on their ass. You can nominate someone, too! Try it! It feels great.... Have a good day everyone! - SS
Bobbie you said to Jan was verygood-you can put it into words better then for sure. You have a tender heart that is why people in need find you -the boat angel is very lucky to have you in his life at this point at least he is able to talk to you-I am not sure Winnie even knows I am there when I sit and hold her hand -I wish I could bring my cat in -he would snuggle up to her. The rehab my aunt was in in CT had a resident cat and in a county near us they have a cat that senses when someone is leaving this world and will stay next to them-I think the cat knows when I am sick my cat does not leave my side. As always it is good to hear from you.
Cricket! I used the exact wordage with no spaces and .net. what you gave me was: cricket in the frying pan. is it in THE frying pan or in A frying pan...? thanks kiddo. lovbob
Jen, please don't give up hope. I sent you a hug and I love you as well as everyone here who thinks that you are the STUFF.
I actually think that when we have heart issues (I have had mine) we are literally suffering from a broken heart. I don't know if I can recover from this time so I know how you feel Jen. Please don't give up hope and I will try not to give up hope too. I am so sad I don't even know how to handle it and have no idea how I got trapped into this. Again.
As always, I try to find the funny.
Flex, I mean Hercules, you be some hilarious woman there. In the beginning of caregiving my mom, once in a blue moon I would try and soak in the tub. Without fail she would come in and drop a toxic deuce and I would be stuck in the tub. I gave up and haven't soaked in a tub since. I swear my mom could knock the flowers off the wallpaper. jeeze.
Here on the boat, the heads vent to the starboard side where the boat angel's cabin is. I have to make sure that his porthole is closed so when I flush my head he doesn't get stunk out. this went on for weeks before he finally said: When you flush I get KILLED in here. Of course I had no idea that I was doing that and was quite embarrassed. He just wrote it all off with the all encompassing statement: It's a boat.
Cuz, that video made me laugh, thank you so much. Hope you are feeling better in the back department.
It's a beautiful day here on the river and I wish that the boat angel was well and we were on our way somewhere instead of tied up and stuck.
I talked to my ex husband last night and he said that he has never heard me sound so sad and he has known me since the mid 70's through all of my ups and downs.
The boat angel doesn't want to tell his kids he is sick and of course that is not right but it is his decision. What he has absolutely no idea of is that I will need his kids' help in order to do this. Just like Dementia patients, the sick and dying are the centers of their own little worlds and we as caregivers are just there to be used in whatever way they choose. We have no feelings and we are sources of unlimited energy for them to consume. I am so tired.
love you guys way more than you'll ever know. lovbob
D i think it is a timing stimulation thing and is a set pattern, maybe try faking her out sit her at the table with a plate say it is coming and see if she goes...? Having a stress test Tuesday to see how my heart is, by all the listed symptoms for women and heart attacks I have probably had one...I hardly care anymore...It isn't like there is much I can do,maybe this was all my life was gonna be. So I am never rich, the play was a pipe dream and I die at 40. It doesn't really matter. Life goes on. No more worries about money and stress and fear, and my mom doesn't have to support a adult child AND an elderly parent anymore...It is what it is, or it was what it was...
D gave new meaning to shit on a shingle I think there...
Good week all, too bad 'three day weekend' has no meaning in this "profession".....
Yup, mom inevitably needs to crap in the middle of my meal or immediately after. I'm lucky when she makes it to the toilet before she actually goes. I get it breakfast and dinner. If crap can make you stronger, I'm f'ing Hercules!
Oh flex, I saw that and lost my mind. We are laughing our butts off here between Cuz and the 46' POS that doesn't have an electric motor for bass fishing and Flex with the side o' sludge...
Christina! wonderful posts! Love you and ya, you painted a picture there with your mom. Hope your sister gets a clue but of course we're not going to hold our breath.....!
Cricket! another great post! Good to see Maxine! love you gurl, and meanwhile: i am so impressed by the horse info. amazing.
SelfishSibs! Everybody! love you guys and thanks for your support as always. Linda! whassup! love to Pa and Deb.
lovbob
OK, I am in caregiver mode here with trips to the hosp today and then again on Tues for more treatments so at least they haven't given up on him and he is banged up and tired but hopeful. Cuz, he really liked it when you called the boat a piece of junk. Boat Angel says a Regal is worse than a SeaRay. And the correct way to pronounce SeaRay is: SeaTurd.
Hey Hey, Crickety-Poo! I'll go have a glass of wine with you! When you come out to the left coast, we'll party till the cows come home! I agree with you on psychological description of these poor souls:( Fear, loss of control and autonomy, realization of mortality; it causes outward displays of all kinds of crazy routines, simply for something to hang onto. And the old saying, "you always hurt the one you love", which is also a song! That's why faith, and a reminder of ones faith to the demented, is helpful. There is something better and greater to look forward to. However, when a caregiver is stressed, sometimes you just simply cannot take anymore and reaction occurs. I recommend constant communication --often falling on deaf ears or those not ready or willing to hear-- and you get a REP for being a BITCH--like moi in my family ( ooh, maybe HERE, too?!) but it is survival mode. Whatever works, yet you cannot get blood out of a turnip, or a collapsed vein. But, you can say Lalalalalalala!! I am fixing baked chicken breasts today with whole Lemons--juice, zest, and more whole ones quartered, with garlic and evoo. OMG. It is the most LEMONY recipe in the entire world, and eating the roasted lemons with rice is like being in Morocco, but I use a fork. heehee. Happy Sunday dear Friends, ALL! Love you! Christina xo
Angelhair, keep standing up for yourself. you are setting boundaries with her and obviously you need to. While you're at it have your Husband give you a back rub to.
Sherri, You MIL is suffering from extreme low self esteem as a result of having to depend on others for so much. I know AD has a lot to do with her behavior but the fact that she has singled you out specifically tells me that the cause of her treating you that was is the feeling of not having any control over her life anymore, and because you are her primary caregiver you have become her target. Basically what is happening is this... because she has no control over her life she panics inside and the next best way to make her feel like she has any control at all is for her to try to manipulate someone else to act or react. It's really an issue she is having with accepting her situation in life and not you personally. You just happen to be the person available to her.
In my opinion your husband is probably embarrassed by his Mother's behavior and tries to play it down. It would probably help you to feel better if you just talk to him (not fight) and tell him that you have your limits and set a new rule for yourself, one that will give you a break and some time for yourself. I would tell my husband that on his day off it is his turn to take care of her and you take the whole day and evening for yourself. He owes this to you for all that you do the rest of the days. Also, keep in mind that it is your Husbands responsibility to care for his parents, not yours. You are making great sacrifices for him and this is by choice not requirement. Maybe a reminder of this would be in order. Never forget you do have the choice, it is your life, and if it is to much for you then you owe it to your MIL, Husband and yourself to stand up for yourself and say NO.
We all have to recognize that we ALWAYS have a choice. If we have let caregiving take over to the point that we have no sense of self anymore then we have crossed a dangerous line. Even in the trenches toward the end of life stages we still need to get help and go take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine, just any kind of little breather. I think it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the demands that we lose sight of ourselves and our own self care. With this in mind we just need to stay focused, stay conscious of the big picture. It's common sense really.... if we are constantly pouring out and not drinking in energy we are left with nothing. Okay that's my sermon for the day now I'm off to go make my green juice...I need energy for the rest of the day.
Christina, I loved how you took that snapshot of your Mother and sent it to your Brother! Hah! You go girl~~your Mother is so lucky to have you, we all are! *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Spent the afternoon with my Mom yesterday. Gave her a haircut as she sat slumped over to one side. I kept repositioning her in the wheelchair, propping her with pillows, readjusting my perspective so the cut was symmetrical; asymmetrical cuts are too too for a 94 year old. Then removed her nail polish. She has developed a fungus under one nail, a black spot. I left the polish off and soaked her nails in cider vinegar--just happened to keep some at the care home because I used to wipe her feet and between her toes with it, daily. Gee, guess they don't do that for her. No matter what I say or ask the caregivers, they simply look at me as if I am an alien speaking a strange language. I am so used to it, but it just builds deep within me and I shall take it with me when I go someday. In between removing polish and clipping nails we called my brother, who was, yet again, "taking a break" from his unjob, sitting around the trailer with his new neighbor, for whom he does little odd jobs to supplement his monthly SDI check. After prompting both he and Mother's phone dialogue--just imagine I tell him what to ask then I tell her what he said then I tell her what to say then I tell him WHAT she said, as I wipe the drool off my arm; I am holding my iPhone in my left hand while I hold her upper body up with my right arm do she does not fall out of the wheelchair--yes, I have belted her in-- and luckily I have put the polish remover down. Finally, he asks, 'so, is Mom still getting around like she was when I was down there"? In July. When I asked him to watch her for 10 minutes and he let her wander and trip over the step into the entry and fall for the first time she was in my care for 2 years. Uh, no, she isn't. When I said, say goodbye everyone, we'll call you again ( asshole) let me know if anything changes with your situation and you are able to come for a visit. "uh, uh, uh, oh yea." I immediately took her picture with my iPhone, wrote an updated description and sent it to him. Screw him if he can't handle it. Three times last week sister gave caregivers message that she was coming to visit and did not show up or change her message. Is'nt that sort of passive aggressive? Oh yea, she knows ( but will not say) because her life is more important than mine and so what? I have gone to see Mother on the same day as sister and one visit a day is enough for her. I decided to break my code of no contact and send her an email to please, for the 5th time, notify me of day she is visiting. She does not work or have projects, just figuring out what to wear that day and social things, entertaining--but isn't visiting Mother a social thing? Believe me, she thinks she is a society maven, and she's not. It is the behavior of the Golden Child who has become Queen Narcissist. She replied, " we have out of town guests for 4 days. The weather has been bad, and Drs appts". BTW: went to my doctor last week and my blood pressure is high for the first time in my life. My husband has to have surgery for 2 hernias, but is waiting until he turns 65 in a few months and has Medicare coverage. He needs to have cataracts removed as ' things are blurry' and I fear for him driving anytime. Still, he is starting a huge multi-state construction project and has immense pressure on him as he is a trouble shooter for his partner who lost all equity since 08, which is needed for multi $million bonds to insure payment. All this stress on him, I will take on the job of account coordination for new business, stay in school, care for Mother. What will my siblings do? Brother will collect SDI, sit around smoking drinking with others, sister on other extreme will entertain, travel, see mother if it is not windy and nothing else to do. But you know what? I am SO GLAD to be me and have my life. I put up with nasty behavior from my Mother sister and Gma as a child--like some of you do now. It damages a child to be neglected and raised in a N environment. I developed a sharp tongue and a quick wit and finally realized how smart I am. I reach out to people and I am a good friend, wife and Mother. The more people try to do negative things to me, the better I become. Maddening, isn't it? Haha! I win. Love.
I agree I wish I had taked a stand more instead of letting my late husband make the decisions-thatis why I am so firm now about the person the elder being in charge when their ideas are not right just because their families so not want to get them upset.
Sherri, hope u have a better day today. I take care of both my parents (Dad now in a NH but very much aware, so I'm still very involved in his to day, lundry etc..). Anyway....Dad has mild Dementia and would yell at me AND my Mom, then my Mom would yell at him, then she would yell at ME because her nerves were shot. Well, guess what everyone?! So were mine! In cases like ours, I feel like it is such mental abuse, yet there is nothing we can do about it. I agree with meanwhile; your husband needs to stand up for you. If he doesn't, walk out the GD door one day and stay gone for a day, don't answer your cell phone and see how they like it. I'm serious. I did that several times and it works. I hope today is a better day for you!!
Hey bobbie I went to the boat show the other night and found my new boat but I will have to put the wife out on the street corner to make enough to pay for it. It is a 46' crap I forgot the name of it but anyway the price tag was only $532,495 and the payments were only $3950.00 a month. The other thing that made me mad was that I couldn't pull it with my pickup. Regal was the name. What do they have for a job to afford something like that unless they have a great looking wife. Well there goes my idea. I think I will just keep what I have ( the old lady I mean) that boat didn't have an electric motor on it for bass fishing. What a piece of junk. Hugs to you and the boat angel. Things will work out ok? Linda hugs to you and pa also. If nobody has said it yet your a great daughter to be with. Back is doing better but I've lived with it for over 40 years so I new therepy wasn't going to work but I did learn some new tricks so that was a good thing. well happy thoughts to the rest of the bunch. I got to go pick some boogars for breakfast in the morning cause I like them crunchy. Lov Cuz
Sherri, for some reason the caregiver is the one the person with dementia really lets have it with all the nasty behavior. I've come to realize my mother likes to bitch at me when she is frustrated with her inabilities. It would be nice to have your husband "take-over" when she acts up, but men (most anyway) just say whatever will quiet them down even if it means not supporting you. I would love to be able to say just ignore her, but after altercations like that, I feel like a wreck. I'm shaking, crying and ready for a xannie as Linda calls them. All of us here know what it's like to face those scenes. Keep venting here and let it go the best you can. Get some rest or maybe go for a walk and shed that BS off your shoulders.
Sherri, you are a saint to put up with MIL. Your husband is a wuss. If he appreciates all you do to take care of his mother, he should show it, and tell his mother to treat his wife with respect. Hope Diane, and Hannalee, are having a nice vacation. LInda, sorry your Dad is doing worse. I know how hard it is to watch. Hope the hotdogs and margarita's helped. Sounds great to me. Diane, to answer your question, it is a bit complicated. The 12 year old, is a Peruvian Paso. So he had to have a registered name in Spanish. Which is Canto del Corazon (or Song from the heart). His mothers name is Seranada. But we just call him Cory for short. His mother belonged to a neighbor, and when she went into labor, Cory's feet were tangled up. It was going to take too long for the Vet to get here, and raising goats, I've pulled a lot of goat kids. The owner, held the mares head, and I reached in, untangled the feet, and pulled Cory out into my lap. I couldn't afford to pay what he is worth, but the owner sold him to me for practically nothing when he was 5 months old.
My sister and I also have 2 really old horses, they are both 30 years old, and living out a well deserved retirement. Mine, I've had since he was 4 months old. His registered name is Hanta Yo, which means clear the way in Souix. He is still a spoiled brat, and quite the character. My sisters old guy, she bought from a horse trader when he was 7 years old, She paid 47 cents per pound for him. Tells you where he was headed. He had lost an eye in an accident, now he is loosing the vision in his remaining eye. But you wouldn't know it. He gets around the pasture, you can still saddle the old guy up and take him out for a ride. It is going to be a sad time around here when we loose the 2 old guys.
Sherri, you just keep on venting and you will feel better. Tell your husband to tell your mil to knock it off and ya, it's mostly Dementia but not ALL of it is Dementia. If he stands up to her on your behalf (he doesn't have to be mean or nasty) you will feel better and you deserve that.
The line to use is: It's not OK for you to talk to Sherri like that! Now take your feet off and sit down and eat this ice cream.
Alright the last part is a haha but I guess you take the point.......
of course she only does it to you because deep in her Reptilian Brain she knows that she's safe doing it because no one hasn't stopped her. This can be moderated so don't lose heart! show your husband this post!
Oh, and my mom had Dementia and could be so mean it was unbelievable. I used the above line a few times and it worked. Hopefully it will work for you.
Need to vent!!!! I sure do. My MIL saw a grocery list on the table today,so she figured I must be going to the store. My husband (her son) was here with her so I told him I was going to buy some pop. I got back and she started SCREAMING at me, where was I. She said she was waiting for me with her feet on, (shoes on) and I left without her. For one thing I never said that I was shopping today, and I didn't know she had her "feet" on. I told her I was only gone for 10 minutes and never said I was going shopping today. She kept yelling so I spoke up to her. She said don't raise your voice to me and I replied , then don't raise you voice to me. She knew I was mad because I normally don't speak up..My husband was outside and didn't hear her, or MAYBE he would have said something. Sometimes, actually most of the time, he tells me to RELAX, she can't help it. I know this but alot of times she is very aware of how she's treating me and he ALWAYS blames her dementia. I take care of her 24 hours a day and it really hurts my feeling when he acts like every nasty thing she says is due to her illness. IT IS NOT!!! I am around her enough to know when she really doesn't mean what she is saying. I can't deal with it today and have been crying because I do the best I can and I also have feelings. He feels we may as well not say anything to her because ,she doesn't know any better. I say BULL..... HE tells me all the time that he really appriciates all that I do for her, but why does he expect me to overlook EVERYTHING she says or does? I know she is his Mom, but after all I am his wife.Most of the time I can blow this stuff off, but not today. I'm very sad. I feel like going to my bedroom and just crying. Maybe I'll fall asleep and wake up tommorow. He can sit with her. The SAD part is that she only does this to me!!!!!! and I don't understand why. Thanks for listening to me whine................Sherri
Hi Y'all, Nothing new here but wanted to stop in and say hello and give a big hug to everyone. Miz has been posting on FB so she is alive and kicking. Linda I've been thinking of you and Pa everyday. Bobbie, you too and the Boat Angel. I hope he will consider alternative medicine. Rossella, I see you are thawing out finally. Jen, I so wish you had won the Jamaica trip. A chance to get away from FP and your stressed out mom would do you a world of good. My brother has been very helpful lately. His job is about over and he has stayed with mom 4 afternoons this past week. This allowed me to work a few more hours each day. He is at least trying. My sister has been pretty quiet, but the relationship remains strained. My friends that I've known since I was 10years old send me some money to try get away from home and mom for a day or two. I plan to head to Myrtle Beach on Friday and stay until Sunday. It's off season so the rooms are cheap. If nothing else I can walk on the beach and just listen to the waves. Hanalee I hope you are one the road. Drive safely. Meanwhile, that was good news about your neighbor. You are going to be busy nursing Omaha and keeping your old horse happy! What's your old horse's name? I admire the beauty of horses, but don't know much about them. I pass a pasture every morning that has 5 beautiful horses grazing and 3 more across the street. I swear one day I will have an animal friendly farm. I'll keep dreaming and buying lotto tickets..lol
Wow Anglehair I am tired from just reading all what you have been doing good for you laying down the law that is plain rude. Winnie is still hanging in there I go in every day and sit with her some days she hardly is breathing and the next day she is eating but the pain is very bad when she is moved to change positions even though she is getting a lot of pain meds. Today her daughter was there and another daughter also so I only stayed a few min.-It just started snowing but is warm out so that is ok.
I am doing o.k. I've had a cold for the last week and now i've lost my voice. On top of that I have been going solo with my father in law because my mother in law went to Montana to a funeral, which it's really not too bad, but I had to watch him last Monday on my day off because she didn't tell me about a staff meeting she had, and then on Wednesday because she failed to mention that she had a meeting with her life insurance agent,(I told her the next time she doesn't tell me before-hand that she made appointments on my day off and didn't find someone else to watch him she would take him with her. I hate to be rude, but it is not fair to me or my children when she does that. I haven't spent the day with my kids for a month other than to do homework because she scheduled things without telling me four times in the last month alone. Well, no more. I have to say she wasn't very happy, but she apologized and promised to make sure to tell me if she had an important meeting. I can understand her not wanting to take him with her; I mean he's always trying to walk off or mess with things he ought not to, but come on, he has six kids from his previous marriages and she refuses to ask them to help out. What is up with that anyway?) Anyway, I'm rambling and getting off the subject. This is my long week where I have him Mon-Sun from 5am-9pm, except that because of the funeral I have him overnight as well so I didn't get any sleep last night because he gets up all night wanting to go to the bathroom wether he has to or not or just to rifle through things that he's not suppose to. So I kept getting up and checking on him all night. On the good note he slept the whole night through, which is rare, but I didn't get any sleep at all. Anyway, I haven't been sleeping well anyway because of this cold and now I've lost my voice. And my husband hasn't been able to help at all because he's moved to the night shift and still hasn't adjusted, but on top of that he worked until 1am last night and had to leave to open at 8am this morning. They asked him if he would and he agreed to. He said if he knew that I was going to be sick he would never have scheduled such a tight schedule this weekend, of course we didn't know about the funeral then either. He works so hard. I'll have to see if I can't work in a back rub for him tonight before bed, hopefully mother in law gets home at a good time tonight so I can. Anyway, other than all the crap that is just draining me right now everything is great. I hope you are all well; and I hope that none of you get a nasty cold like I have. Anyway, Love you all.
bobby it's all one word like try again but don't add the spaces between any of the characters. oh and make sure at the end you use net, that's a common mistake many people use com out of habit.
well whatya know bobbie ! u got boat time lol . u beat me ! u deserve it girl . woo hoo , cheers !! . bottle wine we ll hit it on the boat . wait a min we ll hit the bad brad boat woof woof lalala . xoxoxo
good morning you all , pa s ok . getting weaker and not eating hardly anything . but still drinks as much as he can . was up till 2 am whiney and coughin and gagging , gave him a zannie so he could sleep and not be in pain , he stayed awake almost all day yesterday . went to pamapered him while ago . bless his heart , its killing me ! to see him suffering . i just wish he could give me a hard time and hollaring crying wolf and sneakoff to run away tooutside and givin me hard time about going bye bye and so forth . i sure wish i could have all that back . i miss my daddy when he was well and walking . oh lord .... shampooed the rug out here well made it worst , smells like a poopy dumpy area here , told hubby im throwing it away ! he said hell no its a high dolars rugs i said oh well got em atthe yard sales many years ago , ill find more somewhere . lol . gosh what a wayto walk out here and smell that barf !!!!
purtty day out here , a friend of mine is comin out today and we shall have hotdogs in the open fire :-) . gonna go get us some maragrita too , yumie ...
hannalee - ENJOY !!!!
love you all folks and you guys have a good weekend . cricket - bless ur heart for wanting to help bobbie out . who will watch ur dad if u do go visit bobbie lou ? i hope it all works out well and for u both to contact eachother some how . bobbie - big hugs to u and ur sweet angel . christina - berry berry big bear hugs to you . xoxo wheres austin ?? hope youre ok and how is winnie ? xoxo
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Bobbie - thanks for checking in!
Rossella, hope you're thawing out!
Christina - read your post about your narcissistic sister. I have one of those, too. But mine doesn't even TRY to visit my parents. And because she has a kid with emotional issues, my mom continues to make excuses for her. It's really not that; it's that neither of my siblings reach out to ME to ask ME how I AM. And it hurts.....but whatever. I'm not going there today because I am in a good mood. I have to get mom ready for surgery tomorrow and even though neither sibling gives a shit, I've been asked to call/write them when the surgery is done. Puts a little puke in my mouth.....So I've decided to award them both, (drum roll please.........), "The President's Day Boil" on their ass. You can nominate someone, too! Try it! It feels great....
Have a good day everyone! - SS
what you gave me was:
cricket in the frying pan. is it in THE frying pan or in A frying pan...?
thanks kiddo.
lovbob
I actually think that when we have heart issues (I have had mine) we are literally suffering from a broken heart. I don't know if I can recover from this time so I know how you feel Jen. Please don't give up hope and I will try not to give up hope too. I am so sad I don't even know how to handle it and have no idea how I got trapped into this. Again.
As always, I try to find the funny.
Flex, I mean Hercules, you be some hilarious woman there. In the beginning of caregiving my mom, once in a blue moon I would try and soak in the tub. Without fail she would come in and drop a toxic deuce and I would be stuck in the tub. I gave up and haven't soaked in a tub since. I swear my mom could knock the flowers off the wallpaper. jeeze.
Here on the boat, the heads vent to the starboard side where the boat angel's cabin is. I have to make sure that his porthole is closed so when I flush my head he doesn't get stunk out.
this went on for weeks before he finally said: When you flush I get KILLED in here. Of course I had no idea that I was doing that and was quite embarrassed. He just wrote it all off with the all encompassing statement: It's a boat.
Cuz, that video made me laugh, thank you so much. Hope you are feeling better in the back department.
It's a beautiful day here on the river and I wish that the boat angel was well and we were on our way somewhere instead of tied up and stuck.
I talked to my ex husband last night and he said that he has never heard me sound so sad and he has known me since the mid 70's through all of my ups and downs.
The boat angel doesn't want to tell his kids he is sick and of course that is not right but it is his decision. What he has absolutely no idea of is that I will need his kids' help in order to do this. Just like Dementia patients, the sick and dying are the centers of their own little worlds and we as caregivers are just there to be used in whatever way they choose. We have no feelings and we are sources of unlimited energy for them to consume. I am so tired.
love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
Having a stress test Tuesday to see how my heart is, by all the listed symptoms for women and heart attacks I have probably had one...I hardly care anymore...It isn't like there is much I can do,maybe this was all my life was gonna be. So I am never rich, the play was a pipe dream and I die at 40. It doesn't really matter. Life goes on. No more worries about money and stress and fear, and my mom doesn't have to support a adult child AND an elderly parent anymore...It is what it is, or it was what it was...
D gave new meaning to shit on a shingle I think there...
Good week all, too bad 'three day weekend' has no meaning in this "profession".....
Christina! wonderful posts! Love you and ya, you painted a picture there with your mom. Hope your sister gets a clue but of course we're not going to hold our breath.....!
Cricket! another great post! Good to see Maxine! love you gurl, and meanwhile: i am so impressed by the horse info. amazing.
SelfishSibs! Everybody!
love you guys and thanks for your support as always.
Linda! whassup! love to Pa and Deb.
lovbob
OK, I am in caregiver mode here with trips to the hosp today and then again on Tues for more treatments so at least they haven't given up on him and he is banged up and tired but hopeful. Cuz, he really liked it when you called the boat a piece of junk. Boat Angel says a Regal is worse than a SeaRay. And the correct way to pronounce SeaRay is: SeaTurd.
enough said!
I agree with you on psychological description of these poor souls:( Fear, loss of control and autonomy, realization of mortality; it causes outward displays of all kinds of crazy routines, simply for something to hang onto. And the old saying, "you always hurt the one you love", which is also a song! That's why faith, and a reminder of ones faith to the demented, is helpful. There is something better and greater to look forward to. However, when a caregiver is stressed, sometimes you just simply cannot take anymore and reaction occurs. I recommend constant communication --often falling on deaf ears or those not ready or willing to hear-- and you get a REP for being a BITCH--like moi in my family ( ooh, maybe HERE, too?!) but it is survival mode. Whatever works, yet you cannot get blood out of a turnip, or a collapsed vein. But, you can say Lalalalalalala!!
I am fixing baked chicken breasts today with whole Lemons--juice, zest, and more whole ones quartered, with garlic and evoo. OMG. It is the most LEMONY recipe in the entire world, and eating the roasted lemons with rice is like being in Morocco, but I use a fork. heehee. Happy Sunday dear Friends, ALL! Love you! Christina xo
Angelhair, keep standing up for yourself. you are setting boundaries with her and obviously you need to. While you're at it have your Husband give you a back rub to.
Sherri, You MIL is suffering from extreme low self esteem as a result of having to depend on others for so much. I know AD has a lot to do with her behavior but the fact that she has singled you out specifically tells me that the cause of her treating you that was is the feeling of not having any control over her life anymore, and because you are her primary caregiver you have become her target. Basically what is happening is this... because she has no control over her life she panics inside and the next best way to make her feel like she has any control at all is for her to try to manipulate someone else to act or react. It's really an issue she is having with accepting her situation in life and not you personally. You just happen to be the person available to her.
In my opinion your husband is probably embarrassed by his Mother's behavior and tries to play it down. It would probably help you to feel better if you just talk to him (not fight) and tell him that you have your limits and set a new rule for yourself, one that will give you a break and some time for yourself. I would tell my husband that on his day off it is his turn to take care of her and you take the whole day and evening for yourself. He owes this to you for all that you do the rest of the days. Also, keep in mind that it is your Husbands responsibility to care for his parents, not yours. You are making great sacrifices for him and this is by choice not requirement. Maybe a reminder of this would be in order. Never forget you do have the choice, it is your life, and if it is to much for you then you owe it to your MIL, Husband and yourself to stand up for yourself and say NO.
We all have to recognize that we ALWAYS have a choice. If we have let caregiving take over to the point that we have no sense of self anymore then we have crossed a dangerous line. Even in the trenches toward the end of life stages we still need to get help and go take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine, just any kind of little breather. I think it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the demands that we lose sight of ourselves and our own self care. With this in mind we just need to stay focused, stay conscious of the big picture. It's common sense really.... if we are constantly pouring out and not drinking in energy we are left with nothing. Okay that's my sermon for the day now I'm off to go make my green juice...I need energy for the rest of the day.
Christina, I loved how you took that snapshot of your Mother and sent it to your Brother! Hah! You go girl~~your Mother is so lucky to have you, we all are!
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
In between removing polish and clipping nails we called my brother, who was, yet again, "taking a break" from his unjob, sitting around the trailer with his new neighbor, for whom he does little odd jobs to supplement his monthly SDI check.
After prompting both he and Mother's phone dialogue--just imagine I tell him what to ask then I tell her what he said then I tell her what to say then I tell him WHAT she said, as I wipe the drool off my arm; I am holding my iPhone in my left hand while I hold her upper body up with my right arm do she does not fall out of the wheelchair--yes, I have belted her in-- and luckily I have put the polish remover down. Finally, he asks, 'so, is Mom still getting around like she was when I was down there"? In July. When I asked him to watch her for 10 minutes and he let her wander and trip over the step into the entry and fall for the first time she was in my care for 2 years. Uh, no, she isn't. When I said, say goodbye everyone, we'll call you again ( asshole) let me know if anything changes with your situation and you are able to come for a visit. "uh, uh, uh, oh yea." I immediately took her picture with my iPhone, wrote an updated description and sent it to him. Screw him if he can't handle it.
Three times last week sister gave caregivers message that she was coming to visit and did not show up or change her message. Is'nt that sort of passive aggressive? Oh yea, she knows ( but will not say) because her life is more important than mine and so what? I have gone to see Mother on the same day as sister and one visit a day is enough for her. I decided to break my code of no contact and send her an email to please, for the 5th time, notify me of day she is visiting. She does not work or have projects, just figuring out what to wear that day and social things, entertaining--but isn't visiting Mother a social thing? Believe me, she thinks she is a society maven, and she's not. It is the behavior of the Golden Child who has become Queen Narcissist. She replied, " we have out of town guests for 4 days. The weather has been bad, and Drs appts".
BTW: went to my doctor last week and my blood pressure is high for the first time in my life. My husband has to have surgery for 2 hernias, but is waiting until he turns 65 in a few months and has Medicare coverage. He needs to have cataracts removed as ' things are blurry' and I fear for him driving anytime. Still, he is starting a huge multi-state construction project and has immense pressure on him as he is a trouble shooter for his partner who lost all equity since 08, which is needed for multi $million bonds to insure payment. All this stress on him, I will take on the job of account coordination for new business, stay in school, care for Mother. What will my siblings do? Brother will collect SDI, sit around smoking drinking with others, sister on other extreme will entertain, travel, see mother if it is not windy and nothing else to do.
But you know what? I am SO GLAD to be me and have my life. I put up with nasty behavior from my Mother sister and Gma as a child--like some of you do now. It damages a child to be neglected and raised in a N environment. I developed a sharp tongue and a quick wit and finally realized how smart I am. I reach out to people and I am a good friend, wife and Mother. The more people try to do negative things to me, the better I become. Maddening, isn't it? Haha! I win. Love.
xo
- Selfish Sibs
Hugs to you and the boat angel. Things will work out ok?
Linda hugs to you and pa also. If nobody has said it yet your a great daughter to be with. Back is doing better but I've lived with it for over 40 years so I new therepy wasn't going to work but I did learn some new tricks so that was a good thing.
well happy thoughts to the rest of the bunch. I got to go pick some boogars for breakfast in the morning cause I like them crunchy.
Lov Cuz
Love ya,
Diane
Hope Diane, and Hannalee, are having a nice vacation.
LInda, sorry your Dad is doing worse. I know how hard it is to watch. Hope the hotdogs and margarita's helped. Sounds great to me.
Diane, to answer your question, it is a bit complicated. The 12 year old, is a Peruvian Paso. So he had to have a registered name in Spanish. Which is Canto del Corazon (or Song from the heart). His mothers name is Seranada. But we just call him Cory for short. His mother belonged to a neighbor, and when she went into labor, Cory's feet were tangled up. It was going to take too long for the Vet to get here, and raising goats, I've pulled a lot of goat kids. The owner, held the mares head, and I reached in, untangled the feet, and pulled Cory out into my lap. I couldn't afford to pay what he is worth, but the owner sold him to me for practically nothing when he was 5 months old.
My sister and I also have 2 really old horses, they are both 30 years old, and living out a well deserved retirement. Mine, I've had since he was 4 months old. His registered name is Hanta Yo, which means clear the way in Souix. He is still a spoiled brat, and quite the character. My sisters old guy, she bought from a horse trader when he was 7 years old, She paid 47 cents per pound for him. Tells you where he was headed. He had lost an eye in an accident, now he is loosing the vision in his remaining eye. But you wouldn't know it. He gets around the pasture, you can still saddle the old guy up and take him out for a ride. It is going to be a sad time around here when we loose the 2 old guys.
Take care everyone.
you just keep on venting and you will feel better. Tell your husband to tell your mil to knock it off and ya, it's mostly Dementia but not ALL of it is Dementia. If he stands up to her on your behalf (he doesn't have to be mean or nasty) you will feel better and you deserve that.
The line to use is: It's not OK for you to talk to Sherri like that! Now take your feet off and sit down and eat this ice cream.
Alright the last part is a haha but I guess you take the point.......
of course she only does it to you because deep in her Reptilian Brain she knows that she's safe doing it because no one hasn't stopped her. This can be moderated so don't lose heart! show your husband this post!
Oh, and my mom had Dementia and could be so mean it was unbelievable. I used the above line a few times and it worked. Hopefully it will work for you.
lovbob
Nothing new here but wanted to stop in and say hello and give a big hug to everyone. Miz has been posting on FB so she is alive and kicking. Linda I've been thinking of you and Pa everyday. Bobbie, you too and the Boat Angel. I hope he will consider alternative medicine. Rossella, I see you are thawing out finally. Jen, I so wish you had won the Jamaica trip. A chance to get away from FP and your stressed out mom would do you a world of good. My brother has been very helpful lately. His job is about over and he has stayed with mom 4 afternoons this past week. This allowed me to work a few more hours each day. He is at least trying. My sister has been pretty quiet, but the relationship remains strained. My friends that I've known since I was 10years old send me some money to try get away from home and mom for a day or two. I plan to head to Myrtle Beach on Friday and stay until Sunday. It's off season so the rooms are cheap. If nothing else I can walk on the beach and just listen to the waves. Hanalee I hope you are one the road. Drive safely. Meanwhile, that was good news about your neighbor. You are going to be busy nursing Omaha and keeping your old horse happy! What's your old horse's name? I admire the beauty of horses, but don't know much about them. I pass a pasture every morning that has 5 beautiful horses grazing and 3 more across the street. I swear one day I will have an animal friendly farm. I'll keep dreaming and buying lotto tickets..lol
Oops...mom has to go to the bathroom, Gotta run.
Love ya,
Diane
pa s ok . getting weaker and not eating hardly anything . but still drinks as much as he can . was up till 2 am whiney and coughin and gagging , gave him a zannie so he could sleep and not be in pain , he stayed awake almost all day yesterday .
went to pamapered him while ago . bless his heart , its killing me ! to see him suffering . i just wish he could give me a hard time and hollaring crying wolf and sneakoff to run away tooutside and givin me hard time about going bye bye and so forth . i sure wish i could have all that back . i miss my daddy when he was well and walking . oh lord ....
shampooed the rug out here well made it worst , smells like a poopy dumpy area here , told hubby im throwing it away ! he said hell no its a high dolars rugs i said oh well got em atthe yard sales many years ago , ill find more somewhere . lol . gosh what a wayto walk out here and smell that barf !!!!
purtty day out here , a friend of mine is comin out today and we shall have hotdogs in the open fire :-) . gonna go get us some maragrita too , yumie ...
hannalee - ENJOY !!!!
love you all folks and you guys have a good weekend .
cricket - bless ur heart for wanting to help bobbie out . who will watch ur dad if u do go visit bobbie lou ? i hope it all works out well and for u both to contact eachother some how .
bobbie - big hugs to u and ur sweet angel .
christina - berry berry big bear hugs to you . xoxo
wheres austin ?? hope youre ok and how is winnie ? xoxo
Groundhog Day here.
Cricket! thanks for your info but when I tried to send it got returned.
love you guys,
lovbob