Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

last try..
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This cow plays bagpipes.

Hannalee you have me in stitches! Part of Dementia is they can become delusional. At least she isn't in the basement ejaculating on your panties! We are a crazy bunch aren't we?

Rossella, I adore you too!

I found this cute little cow art online and want to share it with you all, one cow at a time. I copied and will paste it so not sure if it will turn out or not but here goes.
Everyone have a good day and for those of you expecting snow stay in where it is warm and dry. Love you all. Cricketღ


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This cow plays bagpipes.

Wow, Rossella, so beautifully said. I'm getting the most fun and enlightenment out of reading all your posts, all of you guys. It's amazing.

Rossella, sounds so much like my mom. She does have moments when she's so cynical, bitter, looks at me as the final enemy, me, her old best friend. Not to say we didn't sometimes have the classic antagonistic mother/daughter relationship.

She is the queen of rapid cyclers. She's bipolar. On top of that now is layered dementia, which seems to be coming on pretty quick. Or she's been hiding it very well for a while. She can be nasty, nasty, something she never was, bitter, angry if not furious... then a couple of hours later she's all over that. She could be back to sweet. At night she's starting to get hypomanic, starting, just around bedtime, to wake fully up and start talking and laughing her head off. Inconvenient. When she's like that, I feel fear that things could get out of hand. It depresses me. She has been virtually manic at times in her life, and then, at age 80, she had psychotic depression. Luckily I had just moved across country to Flagstaff, only about 500 miles from her (relatively close). She called me extremely bent out of shape one day (she was living alone, driving, everything). I drove over next day. When she saw me, she hustled me inside the house and told me we had to get my sister there, she wanted us both there and wanted to stay in her house and defend ourselves from these outside threats. She believed that the hospital company in town was conspiring to steal all her assets. This was when she still had all her faculties and she was very bright. I knew this couldn't be true, but I listened because I'd never heard anything like that from her before. I was totally shocked, but wondered, could there be anything at all to any of what she was saying? Because we weren't used to Mom being off the wall like that. Never. I went to the hospital on my own and tried to find something out. What a wild goose chase, I don't know what possessed me either. We found out with our research that the conviction of having lost everything is classic with psychotic depression.

The next 2 weeks were just weird. Weird. We took her to a shrink the family therapist suggested, and while we were there in her office (my niece was there, thank God, I'm so glad someone in the family besides me saw this), she started spouting some weird language composed of the funniest batch of profanity mixed with what sounded like her own invented profanity, it was indescribable and nothing like my mom!! That shrink ended up giving her a mild antipsychotic (the mildest one among heavy duty drugs, as they all are). It didn't work, unfortunately. But the shrink took me aside and told me, this is a fragile age. We want to watch everything, keep a close eye on how she reacts to this. If only every shrink we saw after that had as much respect for the possibility of serious damage from these drugs. Another story.

It was when she wouldn't eat any more, started to look strange and either couldn't communicate or said wild things completely off the map. When she wouldn't eat, we took her to the mental hospital. We were very lucky, in a way: we had a geriatric mental hospital. Everyone, if you must have your loved one in a mental hospital, try to find a place like that. They are already so vulnerable. A regular mental hospital would be so much more traumatic.

So I never know with her who's coming and how long they'll stay. When she gets bitter and angry, I just have to go away, I go downstairs and sometimes I take some wine with me. When I come back--no problem! Like it never happened. She is really ALL over the map. And believes literally the most incredible things. She thinks she has it all figured out and she's saying crazy, crazy things. So now I don't know, what's the illness and what's dementia. But I have learned, if you don't like her weather, wait 5 minutes. Ha ha ha.

OXOXOXOX, Hannalee

Hanna, I'm with Linda on the phone, just make sure your sister has what she needs and turn the phone off so she can't call you up and say you have to come home I can't do this, or something like that. If you're phones off then she will have to suck it up. LOL

Bobbie, I believe we are all meant to be caregivers, some of us multiple times while others just once. Either way we find ourselves and no matter how painful it is we embrace it because it is a gift we have that we use to help our loved ones. I know it doesn't seem like a gift most of the time it is pure hell. I look at it as a divine task that helps the ones we care for but if we look into this task deeper we can see that it refines us as human beings. I am on my third parent and this one has been the most difficult but I can honestly say that this experience has taught me the most. The emotional turmoil, anxiety, oh and the demands all of which makes this task so challenging has taught me to learn how to process my feelings, accept them (good or bad) then learn how to make the change within myself. I've also learned how to reset my boundaries and stand up for myself which all have made caregiving so much easier on many levels. I know that many of us step up to the plate of caregiving not because it's what we really want to be doing with our lives, not because "it's living the good life" but because no one else would and we are the ones who have the compassion, empathy and dammit the "Balls" to do what needs to be done. When I get overwhelmed I zoom out and look at the big picture of what I'm doing and then ask myself "what lesson is there in this for me now?" then I pray, sometimes a lot. I know this next statement will probably sound corny but I really believe ...What we do now goes an eternity. Not in the sense that we do it for eternal rewards but more in the sense that it is a work on ourselves at a soul level that shapes and defines who we really are beyond the physical realm. Okay my sermons over hah!

Sending love to everyone here!

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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricketღ

Wow, i should have edited my post. horrible spelling and grammar. sorry everyone! blushing here!

Hiya all. Thanks for encouragement. Mom has more pinched nerves in thoracic (sp?) and lower spine. prolly in cervical spine below her plate. spine curves also. hm... and the radiologist wants a pelvic scan as he say a large mass (prolly only a cyst, but another MRI scheduled for next week). We now need see a neurosurgeon to get his opinion on what to do next. Oh! Neurosurgeon is younger this time and HOT! I hope my mom doesn't do her flirting thing. Last blush moment was her kissing her new pcp on the cheek. I shrunk right down in my seat. just never know what's next! LOL!

Anyway, I've been away for awhile (really depressed there for awhile), but I'm back. Nice to see familiar names here and lots of new ones.

Special thanks to RIP for checking in with me and sending funnies. ;)

I really appreciate all of you.

jsomebody - u can whine all you want . i whine too . remmy we all are shitofranic :-) . am glad to hear that ure getting urself cked out . great , umm poatoe chips is a no no . thats bad for u , very high in salt greasy yucky . eat peel apples . shh dip it n salt , shh , its yummie . peanuts good too , with rasins in it or cranberries that looks like rasins , oh gawd thats my fav .
hannalee- love what u wrote to bobbie . yes u re right she dreamed of havin a boat and she got em ! and some of us has already been to her boat . i love her boat oh gosh its cozy and homey .
man bobbie i wish deb and i can go on a ride with u and angelboat and 2 other guys taggin along wooo hooooooooo . u be safe ok girl ,,,

crap now my mind has gone blank . i hate it when it does that ,
somebody going on a road trip . mm hannalee ? anyways u be safe going out and about and do not answer the phone . shut it down lol !!! fear the sister will say OH MY GOSH SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH MOM !! WAAAAAAAAAAAA i can just see u turn around and rushing back . let shope not . if she does tell her t call 911 cuz u would have done that too if u were at home with mom . and tell her to have the dr to call you . i was scared when i went on a road trip for the weekend that i would have to turn around half way to come back home . i kept in faith and knowin its just a few days oh lord plz just for a few days waaa .
made it and was sad that it went by too quick . i lost a day some where . sat came and poofed away , uhhh where s saturday ? oh that was yesterday . broke my heart .
anyway , pa s good . eatng few bites is all he wants . his bp was way too low yesterday am . took him off linsopril for a day and gave it back to him today cuz his bp was way sky high . sad situations here .

christina - missin u sister . school keeping you busy ? hows ur mom ? are you getting ready for the wedding ?

miz likes root canal too . not me i say pull er out . will just get me a fake teeth some day i guess . cant tollerate root canal . hate anybody stickin thier hands in my mouth and breathing down in my boobies . :-) get that damn tooth and get it out fast ! be done and over with it .
went to red lobster with hubby , daughter came by and hung out with gpa . it was nice to get away .
you all have a good night . xoxo

Hannalee, we are a very close group of people and the sorrow of one is the sorrow of everyone, and the joy of one is the joy of everyone. We are only too happy you are going to make that trip and we are excited! Please tell us how things go and how the dogs behave! I am particularly interested in it, because sooner or later I would like to do the same with mine. Don't worry, your sister will manage taking care of your mother for just 2 weeks! My mother is not grateful for what I do, either. She was complaining tonight because I "mistreat" her. I don't have the physical strength to handle her, so, while I make the effort of lifting her, sometimes I hurt her. She doesn't understand I can't do more than that and she scolds me. Yesterday when I was doing the cooking she was calling me every 2 seconds, so I put her on the wheelchair and I took her with me in the kitchen. She was offended because I had put her in the wheelchair (she doesn't think of herself as impaired) and she pouted all evening. According to her I should spend my days close to her in the living room and do nothing else than carrying her food, drinks and take away the empty glasses. So I understand very well when you say that you gave up your career and she doesn't admit you did it because of her!
Angelhair, good move, to go swimming! I am a fan of water and every time I can go to the sea or the swimming pool I am a happy person.
Cricket, the root canal is better than an extraction! Try to save your teeth! I have had teeth treated with root canal for 20 years! They are still there and they are mine!
Bobbie what a beautiful story the one of the boat angel! I didn't know it. I am very sorry for you because when you are going to lose him it will be another huge sorrow. I like the idea of you going for a long trip with him! It is the best thing you can do for him.
Bpryor I hope your mother's tests give you reassuring answers... Try to keep some time for yourself in all of this!
Diane, it's snowing agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Another week of home prison is awaiting us. More photos tomorrow. My garden is fullllllllllllllllllllll of snow again.

Doing Ok here, saw dr will do stress test and see...nothing so far. Thank you everyone for your concern and comments, just chugging along here...watching wheel of fortune, glad the snow melted, walked to 7 11 got mom a Power Ball ticket with HER money, she is luckier than me so we'll see....
Cricket I can see the garlic thing, I think the body does tell what it needs, I got sick and craved nothing but potato chips and lemonade aid, potassium and lemon as expectorant...
Hello to all been readin' all the posts just not much to say here, just as well whine whine whine...

Angelhair, you are a smart cookie. You know that Michelle Obama has that philosophy, she works out every day. I've got to do that too!! I've got to find a way! Or something will happen to me and my mother will be sunk.

Oh my gosh, I had to tell you all what Step Dad did today! It was hilarious! What do you think would put it in his head to pour a full glass of milk in his house slipper? I know he has alzheimers, but really? I washed it right after, but it's still sitting upside down over the heat vent trying to dry; and he did it this morning at breakfast!
Love you all, goodnight.

I hope you are all well and good. Have a great night tonight everyone.

Ucantcare2much,
Glad to meet you also. I do get me time. I make it a priority because I can't let myself get run down or there would be nothing left for my kids and husband.
Usually I'll take a day and go work out at the clubhouse here. I usually work out for 45 min to an hour and then I go swim laps for thirty min and spend half an hour in the hot tub. It's very relaxing. Actually, I've started taking my oldest daughter with me in the evenings, after putting my younger three kids to bed, and working out together after Nana gets home when I don't have to worry about him anymore. It's been nice. my husband works nights as a kitchen manager and cook for the restaurant where he works so he doesn't get home until midnight some nights. I have enjoyed the company and she seems to enjoy going with me. Not to mention I feel great right now with all of the exercising. I don't know how else to deal with the stress, but it seems to work for me.

Bobby, you have found a wonderful thing in the Boat Angel. I don't know that much about all you've gone through, but it sounds as though you have stripped down a lot. That's amazing if you went from fantasizing about a boat to actually getting one. Apparently that's what happened. It hurts to lose virtually everything but it sounds like you're had a great response. It's a new world for you. That has to be good. It's got to help, because I imagine it takes all of your courage. I hope that this life-changing thing will take you to a better place. I can't help but have images of "sink-or-swim," sort of like Cricket's idea that a book about caregiving on the boat theme could be ahead. Except that most of us do feel like we're drowning. It's not much of an abstraction. Well, you know, a smooth sea never made a skilled mariner, how many times have you heard that one? Lots of people live a long time, but, like they say, they lives of quiet desperation. You could go through a whole life and pretty much keep all the greatest challenges at bay, forget about them maybe to your dying day. The sounds of desperation of a caregiver in charge of someone else's life is deafening--to the caregiver. There is no choice but to look the saddest and most difficult ghosts straight in the face. There's no time to fool around. There's less chance of leaving life without ever directly facing the greatest sadness, as someone else said, it brings the beauty of life that is possible close to you. You lose control, you have to face it, you can't avoid it.

I don't know what you did for a living, but I also feel very sad to have lost my career. I left my job and moved to be closer to my mother, and in some part of her new personality, she thinks I made a tactical error and, essentially, I'm a loser. I want to just get over all that and try to be glad she does not feel guilty for having motivated me to do that. She was always so good to me, she was mother and father to me and my sister. I really don't want her to know what's going on. I'd like her old self to sleep through it.

As far as my talents and my career, I was so lucky to have what I had. This is the mental game I play: of the billion+ people in China, how many of them had pretty good talents equal to mine? A million? Of them, how many had an education, any chance to pursue their talents? Let's say 500,000. A generous estimate. Of those, who completed their dreams? Let's be conservative. Let's say 5000, or 1 percent. The rest of all those people had talents equal to mine, but no money, no education, no luck, perhaps no health, and perhaps they are farming rice in the country. Are they worse off? What are they doing with minds that could have done this other thing? I don't think they are worse off. It's all still in there. Dreams can lead you down blind alleys. Am I making any sense? Am I crazy? I spent a fortune and incurred lots of debt (still have it! Lucky me!) going to grad school. I learned several languages, and my friend told me, You're going to learn four languages. And then you'll die. And I also found out: in spite of what I heard, the knowledge of a language is not necessarily saleable. Well, am I sorry I did it? No. Though I'll pay my student loans to my dying day, I now have some nice furniture in my brain. It was worth it. Though it probably won't earn me a dime. Love,Hannalee.

Bobby, now I know why you call him the Boat Angel. God bless him and you too. Your boat stories are funny. What you are doing, taking on the boat and having to learn everything is a huge task for anyone, male or female. I see a book in the making. One that is about Caregiving and Survival with the boat theme.

Yesterday didn't turn out so well at the Dentist, it turns out they want me to get a root canal now and I'm about to say screw it, pull the damn tooth and put in an implant..I think it would cost less in the long run to. I did however get him to take out the last old metal filling. You want to hear something really gross? I've been eating tons of raw garlic for the last week! Wha?.. yep that's right, I have been craving it like crazy so I went to the deli and bought these tubs with lots of garlic cloves that are marinating in oil with hot peppers. The dentist said my tooth looks like the root is infected slightly, well garlic kills infection so I concluded my body craving the garlic must be it's intuitive wisdom for well being. Never underestimate the power we have to heal!! Hey Kris Carr is giving away her new book with over 50 juice, smoothie, healthy eating guide on Valentines Day at her website crazy sexy life dot com. Whoohoo! She is the Ultimate Wellness Warrior! Don't know if I shared this with you or not but she also wrote a book called Crazy Sexy Cancer. She got a rare form of untreatable Cancer at the age of 24 and was diagnosed with no hope from the doctors. That was years ago and now she is thriving and healthy and has helped tons of people. Okay enough of my blabbing.
Christina I know you're studying like mad, I can feel those brain waves from the left coast! :)
Gotta go, I have so much to do. Love you all, be safe and warm or cool!
Cricket

Oh my gosh! bobbie, thanx for explaining the "Boat Angel"! I finally understand your story. Your Angel sounds a lot like my dear grandfather (God rest his soul)...never could sit still...always had to be working and fixing on something! When I was a kid, I used to follow him around like a puppy dog...watching and learning! It was the best! Enjoy the day!

Christina! where art thou?
thanks for your prayers for the Boat Angel.
lovbob

Good Morning Crew,

What a great group of caregivers here. I love reading all of the posts and am grateful for each and every one of you.

Cricket, the Boat Angel is the man who took over a lof of the engineering on this big boat and provided Air Conditioning by figuring out how/what the old units were and how to fix them. At this latitude, you can't be on this boat during the dog days without AC. He made it all nicey nice and then continued on to do little things to the boat while I was up in NJ dealing with the house and stuff. I was away from the boat for weeks at a time and I never worried about her because he would just walk down and stay here and because he couldn't sit still he would fix stuff. He never told me what he did, he waited for me to discover it and I would compare it to an Easter Egg hunt because I would be going about my day on the boat and then notice this or that had been fixed, upgraded or replaced. He knows that I want to cruise this boat way offshore and he is bound and determined to teach me the boat's systems because if I don't know how to handle the engine room it could sink the boat.

He has been putting off going back into the hospital and I got us Chinese food last night and it all came back up. He sat in the cockpit (back porch) and hurled while I slept. He just didn't want to go while so sick so we go tomorrow for sure and he will get more chemo and radiation.

He has a timeline of 6 to 18 months and so we are planning to go deep into the Caribbean while he still can. Maybe it will work, maybe not. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

He knows more about boats than any individual I have ever met and I think that's where it all started because I knew I could come to him with any question and he wouldn't berate me like most of the other guys do. He would just answer the question no matter how dumb it was. Every once in awhile I get him to really laugh because of the out-of-left-field questions.

He did give me a hard time yesterday when I asked him how much cold water the hull could handle. I see me taking this boat through the Canal and up the West coast possibly into Alaska and just didn't want the hull to crack open like an egg because it was in really cold water. He thought that was hilarious and said that it would give him something to laugh about in the hospital.
Turns out that it isn't an issue. Cool. Literally.

I have done some stupid shit on this boat and every once in awhile he loses his mind and laughs his ass off. I wrote about this before: the time I had to flip the boat around to put the starboard side against the dock and it was really windy and the ballast was out of the bow so the bowthruster wasn't as effective as it could be (this is a single screw.. way harder to drive than a twin) so it took me 4 attempts to come alongside the dock without hitting anything. he paced the dock while his son was on board with me and he told me later that he told his son that he might be out in the river with me for an hour and the kid said why? and Jeff said, you'll see.

I don't care really. I docked the sucker without hitting anything including the boat I was driving and that's always the prime objective. They teased me about that for a week.

It's different now because he has no energy. He can sit on the steps alongside the engine room door and coach me on what is going on and that is actually better than him just handling the work. I have to be able to do it myself, I have to know exactly what is going on so I don't hurt the crew, the boat or myself. I am learning.

This boat was overwhelming at first but I am learning its systems which is the most important thing.

I have been interviewing crew to take with us so it won't be just the two of us. I think that I may take 2 more people on the boat for a total of 4 which the boat can accomodate easily so we will be well prepared and I will have $ help with diesel. Ya baby.

It's day by day of course and it is what it is. I work at not being overcome by grief because of my parents, the house, the loss of my career and the fact that I have found myself in another caregiving situation.

We both feel that a boat trip is the best thing for both of us and only time will tell if I can get through this without breaking my heart totally in two. Those of you who know me for awhile know that my heart is pretty broken as it is..... just like each and every one of you.

Hannalee, glad you are going on a road trip!
bpryor! good to hear from you!
Rossella, one more blizzard and then Spring?
Flex! hope you found those earrings!
Cricket! glad you're getting those fillings handled! I still have some to go...
Linda, yes, that was a beautiful story about Johnny. give Pa a kiss for me.
Cuz! love you and thanks for the funny story.
Jen! how you feeling today?
Rip! hang in there gurl! get out in the world to see other people experience life, love and joy if you can't find your own right this minute.
If I can't find my own I borrow someone else's for a minute until I get situated again. My life has been nothing but losses for a long, long time and I struggle to keep my sense of humor sometimes and you guys know that it took awhile for me to even be able to write again but here I am, doing the best I can.

thanks you guys for being here. It makes all the difference doesn't it?
love you all way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob

Hanna have a good trip and stay safe-I am so glad you are doing this-you are an inspiration to other-caregivers need to get away-I did when my husband could be left alone and our son lived a mile away-if you are near a puter check in with us.

Good morning Y'all,

I am up earlier than usual because I'm searching for a pair of earrings I was going to lend a friend for her wedding. For some reason they are not in either jewelry box and I'm going nuts searching for them. I'm afraid I may have taken them off and carelessly not put them away and mom has put then up "for safe keeping". That means gone for good.

Rossella, I'll be praying for you and being locked up with mom. I know how much my mom whines when it is rainy, let alone snow. I think we are going to get our first real cold weather for the winter this week. Monday we are supposed to go down to 18F.

Bobbie, it's good to hear from you. SS, I'm glad dad took the news well about staying in the NH. I'm sure that is a huge weight off your shoulders. Hanna, enjoy your vacation and be safe on the roads. 900 miles is a lot of driving for the first day. I think 800 is the most I've done in one day and that was about 12 years ago.

Let me go get some coffee and maybe that will help my brain figure out where these earrings are. Have a good day my friends!

Love ya,
Diane

Please forgive me girls (and boys, whoever you might be...) for talking so much about my vacation. I wouldn't do it for any other reason than to try to help you luxuriate in the fantasy as much as I am. You know how the fantasy doesn't always turn out to be the reality... So maybe the fantasy by itself, in a way, is better! But tonight I assembled all the CDs I want to listen to. Get this: first day I'm driving 900+ miles. I Can Do It.

So I told my sister, I won't ask her to do this again, come and be with my mother for two weeks. It's already a stretch. Mom's needs are just increasing. We all know how that is. It's getting to the point where I don't know how to put things, how to prioritize things, from, watch the bathrug, pick it up right away or she'll trip on it, to, I'm not sure she can really be left alone at all. I don't know how to say it. It's terrible, I just don't know. All the pills are boxed, I'm printing several medication lists, one for every drawer and one for my sister's purse, but it's all a stretch. My mom is having these hostile, bitter moods. It could provoke a bad reaction in my sister. They have history. I try to condition everything I say so that my sister will take the most favorable attitude, one that won't penalize my mother for being what she is right now, not too aware, not too loving to say the least (unlike her old self), and helpless. Not to say that I'm perfect or blameless.

I'm sure that this will be my last real vacation indefinitely. I'm so lucky to have it, though. I have that chance and so many don't. I'm trying to gather up my strength, clean out my head, I'll have the chance at last, so that I can be ready for the last part, when there'll be more to do and worry about, and we'll all have to get ready for the fact that an end is coming. I want to straighten all that out in my head. I guess first by trying to forget about it all... That car is packed so tight you couldn't fit a pack of Marlboro's in there. That's what a cop at an all-night diner said to me 25 years ago on a cross-country trip. That's how it's going to be! My fuel on the first marathon day will be peanut butter cookies and coffee, of course. Good night, everyone. OX

How men think

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what Martha?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck....

Jen take care of yourself cause I had that plurecy stuff and was in the hospital for a week. You don't need that. Of course you would be taken care of and would get the much needed rest when they aren't wakeing you up to run more tests.
luvCuz

I know it's not in my control, but I'm full of hope that the spinal MRI's we did today show something (anything) that can help diagnose what's going on with my Mom. It's been a year since she's walked or stood up and she's been in escalating pain (amongst other things). I'm excited to hear the results tomorrow! After all we've been through, we deserve an answer, even if it's just "we've tried everything and there's nothing left to try". Monday is a growth hormone test.

Thanks to all here. I read your stories and realize how blessed my mother is and how I'm not alone in this journey.

Angelhair - amen on that. i chuckle (afterward) when my sib's tell me how exhausted they are. when they visit, they have a seat. it's not really funny, but most of the time, my legs are noodles, but I still end up making dinner and serving them anyway. when they leave with full bellies and feeling good that they've visited mom, I still have to care for her and do dishes.

burned out comes in all flavors it seems, but most of the time I don't have a clue how I make it through the day. somehow I do, prolly because I pray about it so much I know God is sick of hearing me asking for help.

the eldercare thing half works. mom says she's tired and her bp is high most days. the nurse there calls me nearly everyday, whether mom's attended or not. they are terrified she'll die on their watch I guess. so I've been keeping her home if she has high bp, or she says she's tired, or she feels dizzy or even if she just doesn't want to go. i am confused. if i send her, they make me feel like an ogre, if she stays home, i loose my respite break from my 24/7 job of caring for her.

silly. mom tells me stories about the other "students" at daycare and it seems to me that her health sounds downright perfect in comparison to most. RoFL!

What a beautiful story, Linda. Your father is very much loved by everyone... Here and there!
We had a nice sunny day today, I could take the car, walk the dogs (I forgot the camera! What a pity. The hills covered with melting snow were beautiful), while we are waiting for one more huge snowstorm for tomorrow. One more week of prison ahead of us! And then, I hope, the ultimate thaw!!!

Good Morning Ladies :)

Bobbie I love that you are posting, I wish I knew more about your boat angel, like why is he called that? who is he? I must have missed something :( You are an Angel for being his wellness warrior! Sending good thoughts and prayers to both of you.

Shitzofrantic! Linda start giving Pa ice chips to suck on when he is awake to get water into him. The same thing happened to my friend Wilma and when the blood pressure gets really low they try to put them in the hospital on an IV to get the fluids in them. Maybe they won't try to do that with Pa because of the situation but it couldn't hurt to try with the ice chips. The story of Johnny with Pa was so touching!! It really makes one feel the strong presence and love of those who have gone before us. How connected they continue to be to us. When I was 13 my sister died and throughout my life there have been significant times where she has looked in on me and I felt her loving presence. It has to be frightening for you but at the same time comforting to know that Pa is being looked out for on both sides. It's sad that most people never experience the profoundness of how beautiful life is when it is gone. We on the other hand are in situations where we live that profound awareness everyday, it's a beautiful reality. It keeps us in the truth of what life is all about and what really matters...love.

I'm off to the Dentist today to get a broken mercury exposing tooth fixed! Thank God! After this tooth I will only have 1 last little old mercury filling to get removed and an old cap replaced then I will be done with this phase of wellness. Whoohoo! My house is a mess from all the running around I had to do with Dad and the time I've spent studying... but shitzofrantic!! it will eventually get done. hah!

Everyone have a great day, go look in the mirror and give yourself a hug and tell yourself you are doing the best you can!

Love Cricketღ

good morning you all . was on lastnight but didnt post . spank me ! :-) ..
angelhair- i admired what u wrote about pa undressing and puttin clothes back on the wrong ways and u havin to redo it all again . big hugs to u dear , yes it is hard to move his body around . hell i cant even move dad s arm , its like made of steel !
try to roll him over is like trying to move a big old tree . gawd !!! big hugs to u dear youre a good person .

jen- u best bet get urself in the dr s office . bobbie needs that red hair on her boat and u have got to get well real soon . give ur mom the bill and tell her to suck it up and pay it if she needs u around . if not then u shall go to bobbie s boat , she ll fix u right up . bobbie is a sweet angel and has a very big heart . love u bobbie looou . deb and i are still talking about takin road trips again . this time we ll stay on ur boat a bit longer . anyways jen - how are u feeling today ? must be all that smell getting to ya , or menopause makes ur herat aches too . could be many other reasons , stress , old age , menopause , the stinky smell just isnt healthy .
prayers headin at ur way jenny lee .

went to dr yesterday , shes concerned about my lungs , says they sound clear but sending me to sport medical doc who speialist in muscles , going monday at 930 am . prayers plz . i smoke yes but hell plz not my lungs ! the dr im going monday will be takin over my pblms . hope he can fix me right up .

my dead brother johnny has been laying next to dad yesterday . it was a pillow i laid there , dad said hey psst hey come here , i walked to him he smiled and pointed at the pillow i said yep comfty isnt it , he said johnny s here shhh . blew me away , i patted the pillow said i love u johnny , then i decided to sit in recliner and watch dad , im gla di did cuz what he done was heart touchin . dad took his blanket off of him and whipser into the pillow and covered the pillow up , i said whats wrong dad u hot ? he said im sharing myblanket with johnny . :( ..
nuse came early this am , woke pa up and ck his bp , its very very low . i said well cuz he s sleeping , she said but its too low . mmmm he whine and cried and got upset cuz nurse woke him up . after the nurse left i told pa he can go back to sleep cuz i kick that nurses ass out , then he went back to sleep . sleeping peaceful .
suppose to go veiwing tmr , my sis s ex father in law passed away , knew him for many years , i got to thinkin last night uhh i dont wanna go and the more i thought about it the more i got upset , decided not to go , i have enuff of funeral homes and deathness around me . so fk it i aint going .....
kimberly- i know ure hiding in that apt . did that wolf spider greet ya yet ? i see babies wolf spiders , told em they got the wrong house , oh whats ur address i ll tell em to go that way , lol .
cricket, christina , cant wait to have a margaritta with u ladies ! u guys are so full of enegry and makes me wanna dance . :-) .
rossella- my garage used to smell like health hazzard place . i finaly ordered two bin and have the man come get em every tues to haul em away . whew ! open th ebin and toss it in there and hold my breath for a while till the smells finaly gone .
hope this winterstorm isnt a bad one this time around . oh so ure hoggin all that snow ! . we hardly got any this year and its prob why cuz the snow likes italy this year .... enjoy em my dear . springs just right around the corner ,
ok i best bet get my hindend up and do my daily chores ,
austin- love you dear and hope the lord sends u a perfect companiship for u to enjoy begin around with , .
bobbie - hug ur boat angel for me . xoxoxo

Good Morning Crew!
It is peaceful on the boat and the boat angel is below sleeping. He has been delaying going back to the hospital and the doctor said that it wasn't a big deal if he waited a couple more days to get in shape for the next battery of chemo and radiation.
I feel like the prizefighter's manager who gets the fighter all patched up only to have him beat to a pulp again.

Cuz! ow on the back situation. Cricket is right, get a massage therapist! love to everyone in Michigan.

Rossella! wow what a blizzard! you are incredible to be able to cope with all of that, garbage, mother, animals and the TRAIN!! beautiful Rossella!

Maxine! always good to read what you write, whatta sweetheart!

Angelhair! Ucantcare! Sandfox! Hannalee!

Selfish Sibs! congratulations on moving to the next step and getting your dad all fixed up in the nice new place. Ya it's hard and I remember the day with my mom realized that she had to stay for awhile like it was yesterday. So much crying from both of us.

Jen! wish I had a picture of you with that red hair for the boat! hope you feel better soon. Love you Jen.

Meanwhile! sounds like a lovely horse and I like Omaha very much. It has 'ha' in it.

Linda! how are you and how is Pa today? I know that you are hanging in there and I can't wait for you and D to come back to the boat!

Miz! wonder how you are and I wish you would let us know cause we miss you Miz!

Kimbo! wassup? annt! glad to see you writing and I hope you keep venting! it's important!

Rip! c'mon girl I know it's tough!

Christina! thank you so much for keeping the boat angel in your prayers. Love the images of you walking the bridal path and going to school. Of course I see you walking the bridal path TO school with your little bookbag and pencil box but I am crazy romantic.

OK, everybody I forgot post and chew me out! at least I think I am getting a little better and working on settling into my new normal... I think.

love you guys way more than you'll ever know,
lovbob

Wow, angelhair, you sure do have your HANDS FULL! And, you are so young to be having to do so! Do you ever get ANY "ME TIME" at all? My "job" of caring for a MIL, and SD not living with me seems overwhelming until I read stories like yours. Hang in there, and "Nice to meet you!"

SS I am glad it went well-maybe he will get involved in activities. At the NH I am at twice a week to visit Winnie the activities person goes to to where the residents are for some activities. I could live there it is really nice the big problem they had was with the aides-most come from NY City by train and the NH meets the train 3 times a day and the aides were not the nicest but thing are better on Winnie's unit-but they know I will be there a certain time so it keeps them on their toes.