Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Hi all,
Yesterday, at the NH went much better than I expected. Dad, while still very irritable, was told he would be there for "the foreseeable future." They told him, I did not. He asked a lot of questions etc...then I left the room and started to ball. But I'm ok and I know he is going to be ok too because he is in a safe place (it's actually really nice). I talked to my brother last night, one of the selfish siblings that bolted and that was actually good too. So that's all good and today is another day.
I wish all of you a peaceful day.
xo
-SS

Angel-I am glad your husband spoke up to her. If she works 14 hr. days she must be off for a lot of day-nurses who work 12 hr. days work 3 days a week and 4 one day a month so she should not be all stressed when she is off-she needs to shut up and appreciate what other do for her.

Jen, go and check yourself at the doctor. Yes take a bus. The stress of being with FP would be worse than the disease.
Cricket you made me laugh. Thanks. Today Daniela, my help, arrived here by car because she is not as afraid of ice as I am, and we managed to take the garbage away, so I polluted the whole village but I am not polluting my house anymore. Tomorrow I should be able to take the car myself and I will walk the dogs and do some shopping and see some human faces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because the day after tomorrow it seems there will be another snowstorm.
Yes Kim, hope you are not specializing in toilet-throwing!
SS, I am very sorry for what your family is going through. I don't know what is the place in your picture.It could be Rome or somewhere else in Center Italy.
Angelhair you are a hero! There are many mothers who complain because they have just 2 children and they are very busy and tired. I don't know how you do it.
'night everyone.

only half of that moon showed up, oh well.. nighty night all.

Hi Angelhair, I loved the Adam and Eve story. I'm also glad your Husband stood up for you to your MIL, you really do have your hands full. Maybe it would help your FIL if he were on some meds to calm him down? In any case hang in there.

Jen...Pleurisy! oh no that's awful. I hope you get better soon!

Well I just stopped by to say goodnight..

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. ^. "-. Nighty Night .
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Gah Rossella I hear you, Europe is in a ice age at the moment. I hope Spring domes soon for you all there! That is insane but it is interesting the camaraderie that comes of being together in unusual circumstances...Very Human...
No rolling on the floor today, chest pains had me saying go to Er, she said call dr, so instead I am gonna take the bus to the dr, she keeps saying take a cab. no she doesn't want to drive me and Ii just assume NOT spend an hour in the van with fart pants...That would give me a heart attack. It is probably the plueresy back...Just make a morning of it, go to dr get prescription enjoy getting out..no snow on ground most places so should be OK.
Hi to all and good rest of the week....

Good Morning!

Lists! I have lists everywhere, it's called putting your brain on paper and then losing it!! Rossella you need a trash compactor...ewww smashed poo! scratch that thought! Hmm, what about paying that guy to dig a big hole out back and call it the shit hole? LOL Oh I better hush up before I think up something really shitzofrantic! Hah! Omg, I'm killin' myself this morning.. speaking of Shitzofrantic.. HI LINDA :)

CUZ, sorry you have those lazy muscles, I think they went on strike awhile back and just got stuck in the mud. It might help if you find a good massage therapist, someone who specializes in deep tissue massage that will work in the specific area. It's worth a try because many people exhaust all their money and time going the usual medical route only to find that they have the same problem and then go to a massage therapist as a last resort then....walla! they get help :)
BTW Cuz, loved the erictorial dysfunction!!! so true so true! Take a break and get better my friend. {{{{{CUZ}}}}} oh ps. on the massage therapist, many insurances will pay for it nowadays and their all therapists who will bill them for you. Good luck with getting better.

Meanwhile2, you're right Omaha is a much better name but I liked Omar too. I think he is lifting his hoof for you to say thank you for saving me, thank you. :)
Kimboooooooooooooooooooooo? omg, you must be having a tough time or we would have heard something by now. Just don't go grab the old toilet and break it over your Dads head. If you are at the point of all tears you need to vent, or go get a big bottle of B-Complex to build your adrenalin back up! Love you Kimbo!

Christina I know you're really cramming for your classes so I'm not emailing as much as usual hehe only once or twice a day, lol I wuv you my sisterheart, you inspire me so much! You are a Warrior!

Jen if I were in a room with you and Linda for 5 minutes I'm sure I would be on the floor doubled over with laughter! Everyone think about it ...Linda and Jen talking for 5 minutes, am I not right?
Bee, Lilli, Miz, Hannalee, Sandfox, Diane, AnnT, Captain Bobbie, SS, SSK, and anyone I might have missed... Hang in there! ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶
*´¨)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.

How Adam Got Eve.....Priceless


Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
And that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,
And when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
'An arm and a leg.'
Then Adam asked, ''what can I get for a rib?'
Of course the rest is history.........!!!!

So does this mean when you hear a man complaining about a woman you can tell him it's his own fault because he's cheap?

One constant with Dad-in-law is that as soon as I get him dressed and leave his room to go fix breakfast in the mornings, he gets undressed again and tries to dress himself in the same clothes that he just had on. It wouldn't bother me except that he takes off his brief and puts his shirt on the bottom half and tries to put his pants on the top half. It takes ten minutes just to get his shirt off and another twenty to convince him to let me dress him again. I have never met a more stubborn individual. A lot of the problem is that he can't seem to understand anything I tell him anymore. Even something as basic as "Put on you shirt." I have to grab his arms and do it for him. Also, when he talks it's all nonsensical gibberish. Spouting off anything. The other night he was so upset with me because I couldn't understand, but he was just spouting out random numbers. I kept telling him that I couldn't understand; he'd say why, and I'd tell him he wasn't speaking properly, but of course he doesn't understand and just gets more upset. It is extremely frustrating, but what can you do except deal with it and move on.
Ann, you don't have to apologize for being negative. Everyone is once in a while. You should have heard me yesterday. My mother-in-law works as a neural rehab nurse. She works fourteen hour days and then comes home. Yesterday I went with my husband to do a bunch of stuff and she was upset because she said she was so tired and she needed a break. Well, that's understandable, I mean she goes to work and is a nurse and then she comes home just to be a nurse. Blame on that time of the month or whatever, but I couldn't help but be a little put off. All I could think was what about my break? I have my four kids to take care of and your husband and your mother and when it's supposed to be my day off I have to call every three hours and remind you to give Lynn his pill because you always forget. I can't get a break. Even when I do get a break I come home and hear about how bad he was and how you are so burned out. I mean what do you think I do all day when you're not here? Anyway, my thoughts weren't very nice as you can tell. I was feeling very unappreciated. I was proud of myself though. I knew that I was "ragging" and not in a very good frame of mind. I was able to keep my mouth shut. My husband did say some not nice things about it to her about what she thinks I do all day when she's here or not, but I was all good.
So now today I am in better spirits and I can think more clearly with better perspective.
Well, I've gotta go. Everyone have a very good day.

Rossella - look at my icon, where is it?

-SS

Hi All,
Geez Rossella -- you got a lot of snow. I miss Italy.....even in the snow. When i was there, it was 90 degrees. Sandfox, welcome.

Today, I meet with the staff of the NH and my Dad to tell him he can't come home. I don't think I'll be able to hold it together when I see his reaction. I guess if you don't like your parent (and let's face it, some people don't), it wouldn't be so hard. But I love my dad, even though he was an aggressive SOB somethings, I still luv him. He's my Dad. Wish me luck.

Hannah, I don't have a big bin.... I should go and buy it! I hope tomorrow I can convince the man who drives me around to carry the stinkiest garbage with us and throw it away. As a owner of 4 dogs and several cats I know what you mean. When I go shopping, 3 bags and a half are for the pets, and half bag is for human food. I like very much the idea of going on the road with my dogs. They would like it so much.
Cuz I am sorry for your back. Take care.
Meanwhile!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you keep the new horse. He seems sweet. I am always happy when they are saved from a bad destiny. I am worried for my friends donkeys whom I meet and pet when I walk my dogs. I hope their owner has put them in a stable. The lady donkey is pregnant, too!
Diane hi. I have seen your posts on Facebook and I know what is going on.

Sandfox, I don't care whether it's in the caregiving manual or not, or any other repercussions, if getting the red wine out works, I go for it. Thank you, Rossella, for your well wishes. I leave in 10.7 days and my trunk is already packed. It's tough to fit 140 pounds of lab, their food, my luggage, gear, and bedding into a Kia Rio. But I'm going to do it. Sounds like a real interesting routine you have over there. How about putting the garbarge outside in a bin where it can at least freeze (without any dogs getting into it)?

Hi crew I have been reading the posts as I can because I can't sit to long. Am going to therepy because my back is so sore. Found out that the muscles in my lower back on the right side by hip aren't working so everything else got strained. I will try to get you some jokes but not tonight OK? Hugs to everyone.
luvCuz

A new word is born

I knew someone would find a name for our election process for this year.

Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the candidates for election.

Thanks Diane, and everyone. This week has been hard. New horse is sweet though. He already nickers at me as soon as I step outside. Gave him wormer today, and dusted his butt with fungicide. We don't have the SPCA here, just a small local animal shelter. They don't have a big budget. Already changed his name again. Omar, just didn't fit. So now he is Omaha. He don't care, not as long as I bring him more oats and hay. He even let me pick up his feet this morning. Very trusting. By the time I got to the 3rd foot he picked it up and handed it to me. Maybe someone worked with him before.
Cricket, I figured you would be taking computer graphics, your so talented. American History sounds hard. You go girl. You too Christina. Take the teacher some of those cupcakes, that will get you an A+.
Linda, your so lucky to have such a good relationship with your Dad. So many never get to be close to their parents.
Rosella, hope it is warming up there.
Diane, you are doing such an awesome job, dealing with your Mom's night terrors. working and taking care of everything. Don't let anyone tell you different.
Wish I had some sage advice for people. I read everyone's posts. Don't know what to say most of the time. It is good to hear from new people. I have to get ready for work tomorrow, but Indio says he is fixing lunch. Bless his heart, he tries to take care of everyone. If his elderly neighbor needs to see the specialist 150 miles away, Indio will drive him. Another friend of his is having problems, so Indio checks on him, and tries to help. I think my husband asked him to look after me. Anyway, Indio has adopted me. Take care everyone.

Shut in a prison of snow while my mother from 3.00 p.m. to 8.00 p.m. calls me every 30 seconds! "Rossella Rossella Rossella! When are we going to leave" My automatic answer "We can't leave, look at the snow and the ice!" At 8.00 I fall asleep on the couch, I wake up around 1 a.m., I put my mother in bed and I start to work. My dogs enjoy walking in the snow - we can't take the car so we walk along the streets nearby, taking advantage of the fact that there are very few cars these days. The snow was starting to melt and I was hoping in a few days we could go back to normal, but! Another snowstorm is foreseen on Friday so we'll have to stay like this for another week at least. If I don't kill my mother or myself, we should make it one more time. There is a gentleman here who helps me and drives me to buy food and pellets (of course I have to pay him) but this way I am not forced to take my car, I am afraid to drive on ice. And we are not so bad after all; there are villages on Italy mountains which have no electricity, water, food. (I mean they don't have hot water; of course) It must be a nightmare! We are not really prepared for this kind of weather.
Last Friday I had to go to Rome to pick up a job. I choose exactly the day of the first snowstorm. I took a train and it took me 3 hours to arrive in Rome (it normally takes 50 minutes!) The train stopped every 10 minutes and the heating and the lights went off! When I finally got to Rome I couldn't believe my eyes - snow everywhere, swerving cars, the undergrounds and the buses didn't work, so I had to call the lady and ask her to bring me the DVD for the translation to the station. Her husband arrived after 1/2 hour and I was already freezing! I came back inside of the station to realize that the mess was so big that we didn't have any new about the trains. The staff of the station told us to go directly to the track and wait for the train there! So I joined a herd of people, everyone on the track, waiting for the train! And I made friendship with people. We offered each other the food we had! Potato chips, almonds... water.. Whatever! It was 5 in the afternoon and we were freezing on that track! But we were laughing! The train finally arrived and we jumped on it, 1000 people one on the foot of another. It took 3 more hours to get home! So i can be called la Regina della Neve. I messed up with fire, water, snow, what else is expecting me? I can't drink booze because I have to work. I smoke, though.
Hannah I am happy you are making that wonderful trip with your dogs. I would like to do the same! Yes answer the phone if it is really necessary.
Ann I am happy to hear about you. I hope you don't strain your back too much to help your mother.
Bobbie I hope you are alright and in a decent mood.
Christina, are you getting ready for your daughter's marriage?
Cricket, it seems to me you are in a good mood. Well!
Austin I don't look for men anymore. I am too tired.
Linda ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Kim how are you going on?
Jen, red hair! I like it!
Sandfox welcome. My contribution to the gross syndrome: My mother has chosen these days to have the runs. And we can't throw the garbage away. Tomorrow I shall definely move the garbage somewhere else. It can't stay in this house anymore. It can't stay in the garden because the neighbours dogs would open it. I have to figure it out.
Sorry if I forgot someone. I hope you all survive somehow!

everytime i make a list i lose it . where is that list i made ?? i clip coupons tryin to save money , oh crap left it at home . never fails .
paper and i dont get along too well . lol oh that explains why i dislike school . heee hawwwwwwww

Isn't that just like a man!

Regimented and disease vectors our new words to add to the Caregiving Dictionary! Seriously!
Yeah, my mom keeps track of grandpas pills and money and pads and appt to the milligram, cent, pad and second...what does he do, make messes, complain, feel cheated, refuse to wash his hands after trying to wipe his feces into the toilet and generally being a pain in the ass...

I just would like to know, are you guys like me getting extremely regimented and anal about everything you do? I have lists: pill lists, checkoff lists, routine lists, lists, lists, lists, though I don't make all the targets. I turn this on and lay out these towels and make the bed, etc., all in the same order all the time. What's happening to me?!!!!

Hi everyone, welcome sandfox!

AnnT keep venting, we love you.

Christina, love you! Enjoy your walk. Ribs...Yummy!

Linda, you sound like you're back to your Shitsofrantic self, I'm glad Pa ate a good breakfast, did you? love you nut! Good luck at the Doc's.

I read everyone's comments and appreciate them very much. Today is a busy one for me. I have to take Dad to get a routine back X-ray, to do some banking stuff, post office, and maybe a haircut if he can last that long...time to go, love you all!*´¨)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

sandfox - glad u came aboard here ! i hear ya about the kitchen wise , oh my goodness it is scary , my mil would take off her socks and wipe the kitchen table with it . ahhhh , she used to be a cook at the school for years and retired there too , she belongs in the kitchen , i cry everytime she comes over and wants to help . i have her peel taters cuz she peels em fast ! i let her dry the dishes and catch her wipe her nose on dish towel ahhhh ! she doesnt live here she lives with her son ather home . poor guy i dont know how he does it but he does it . says i have to do it !!! nobody wants to put her in NH . she doesnt even know her home or where shes at halftime . mind has gotten worst , poor lady .
you have came in the right place girl ! smart about the tooth brush hee hee heee , hide em ! i forgot all about it when my mil came and so often i stare at my toothbrush and wonder if she has done something to it . i was it in hot water and some good handsoap and clean em well before i burush my teeth . gaggi too while im thinkin what she has done to it ? holy crap ....
annt- big hugs to u dear , damn back just sucks doesnt it . i wonder if we could draw ss checks for begin in pain so much uh ? hell ya can be a drunk and still draw ss for begin drunk ! oh wait a min im a shitofranic ! think i can draw ss for that lalalala . they ll prob say no . i ll come in drunk and apply and act stupid then maybe i ll be approved ? anyways big hugs to u annt .

selfish- just tell ur dad he gonna stay there for a lit while cuz mommy has to have an operation and nobody be home to care for him . then maybe by that time he ll like the NH and dont wanna leave ugh ? dad hated it after begin in there for 3 mos he just hated it causes his BP climbs higher , screamin yellin for me . man !
you just have to be the boss lady and tell him nobodys at home to look after him and mommys sick . dementia makes him very stubborn . my dad has dementia but damn he aint no dummy either . he still has his mind , i have to make a point there and here , he knows im right so he says im the boss lady . whew thank u jesus . try not go visit him everyday cuz he ll just bug u about goinghome and u leave that place heart breakin feelin guilty , sad , swimmin in the black hole . try to visit him every other day then cut back to 2 times week then once a week . then everyday again . do what ur heart tells u . big hugs to u selfish , love u tons .. xoxo

kimmy - do u like ur new apt ? bet ure hiding in there , heeheee ,

dad s ok . he ate well for bfast and now is back to sleep , i love my daddy , givin him a hug and kisses toomuch . i even slept next to him in his recliner . he likes that , seems to sleep good while im next to him . nurse came yesterday and said he s good ! :-) ... he s a hellva fighter i tell ya .

sandbox - margarritta !! gator tails too . im not a wine person , maybe boonefarm i can tollerate it but much rather and bud ice or maragritta . yum yum .

going to see my dr tmr at 130 . wish me luck , maybe she ll give me something stronger ya think ? gonna ask for mri or xray , old injury is flarring up and its not healing , just getting worst ,. mobic is not doing its job . damn it !

christina - dont get wet today ! saw on the news cailf is getting the rain . think we gonna get a bit of snow . not enuff to make snowman , ah well . whats for lunch ? heheee , gator tails uh ??

ok love you all bunches and smile as much as you all can . oh yes format , dislike ..... xoxoxo

Talking about poo in the face. Been there done that. Also had a lady, when I worked in a NH, pee in my shoe as I was trying to put her on the john. Slogged around in that shoe all day.

quote: "the liquor always taste the best at that time!"
Hey, guys/gals, I'm glad to know that this is a "standard" caregiver unwinding tool. I was beginning to wonder about myself. when I really, really, get wired and can't get out to burn off the crap with exercise, I bring out the red wine.

I am so amazed at how hygiene becomes a major issue with seniors. Remember, this senior (Mom) is the same person who (hopefully) taught you hygiene when you were a brat. Now, they just kind of have forgotten or have just dispensed with it as being too much trouble. I'm not sure of the cause. But, the health consequences to those around them? Wow. They become disease vectors.
Hopefully, I won't be faced with the NH option any time soon, unless mom gets carried awayand falls someplace, breaking something. As stubborn and independent as she is, that's a real possibility. Two days ago, as she was going out to get the newspaper (a 20 foot walk), she tipped-over her walker and couldn't pick it back up. If I hadn't been (unknowingly) behind her, I think she would have fallen trying. Constant vigilance.

christina28 and all of you. Thanks!!!!! Believe me, I was very glad to find this place yesterday. I knew other caretakers had lots to put up with, but to have it specified in detail seems to make a difference. --Thanks for giving me a place to vent too. Geez, I need that.
I have just gone through a period where I had to put my mother in the hospital for out of control blood pressure. There were going to keep her for a day that turned into a week. I stayed with her for most of that time, giving her support, even on the days when she didn't know what the heck was going on. I was concerned that it was dimentia rearing its ugly head. More stress. What more will I have to handle? Turns out it was caused by a bladder infection that causes some people to sort of lose their mind. Then, after that, it was a whirlwind month of multiple therapists coming to the house. That should have been a period of relief for me, but no, I had to be there for all the sessions! So, now, I REALLY need time to destress and care for myself. I do have a double disability of my own (on VA pension), so I'm not 100% workable stuff. I have limitations that I can't overstep without serious consequences to myself. Then, I won't be taking care of anyone.
I handed the physical exercise sheet to my mother this morning and told her that getting these done every day was now her responsibility, not mine. She's capable, but just doesn't want to exercise even though it means she will deteriorate just like anyone else will who neglects themselves. Mentally, she's all together, so she can accept this responsibility. What she does with it is no longer my problem. So, I don't want anyone showing up accusing me of neglect or senior abuse. If there's any abuse going on, it's abuse to myself! Can you tell I need a break? :)

Christina, please tell what the new format is....I don't notice anything. I guess I've been gone too long.

Good morning all.
Sandfox, it took me about a month to train my mom to wash her hands before she left the bathroom, but she finally got it. She would even wash them if she didn't touch anything. Of course that was when she could go to the bathroom herself. That's no longer an option. Her broken hip has changed everything. PT says she will never walk again without assistance. My bathroom door will not accomodate a wheelchair or walker so she has to use the bedside potty.

Yesterday was a particularly bad day. I think I've told most of you about how my mom had been living with my brother and sil in my mom's home and they were abusing her physically and abusing her credit cards to the tune of $40,000 (which is now $55,000 with interest and late fees) that's when I stopped working and brought her home with me. Well now the piper wants to be paid. I got a calendar call to show up at court about one of the debtors who are suing her. And I received a 1099 for another creditor who charged off the debt so she may now have to pay taxes on it. I'm having to try to get all that straightened out so not to throw anyone under the bus. Like my brother and sil. I was on the phone half the day yesterday.
Also while I was on the phone mom decided to get up from her nap by herself. She figured out how to realease the restraint I had on her and of course she fell. I had to call 911 to pick her up cause I just can't do it anymore with my back problems. Thankfully nothing else was broken. Our hospice nurse says it's not dementia it stubborness. And yes I have a bell for her to call me and she knows how to use it, she just won't sometimes.

I'm so frustrated.

SS, I agree with Austin about letting the staff tell him in your presence. That takes the blame off you..because what can you do? They are saying he can't go home and you have to do what's best for him. I will probably be going thru that soon. I told my mom that if she breaks one more bone she goes to a home. This year she has broken her shoulder and her hip and that's enough for me. Sometimes you just have to save yourself and your caregiving parent.. You'll do the right thing. Don't give it too much power over you life. Easier said than done. I'm not practicing what I'm preaching myself.

Sorry to be so negative this morning, guys. Just gotta vent.

Have a great day today if you can.

Ann

I think you'll be o.k. with the other professionals there to help guide you. You can express your love to him, and how being kind about it will benefit your Mothers upcoming surgery . Explain to him, what you have shared with us and hopefully he''ll see this is best and there are no other choices. GOOD LUCK!!!! Let us know how it goes.