Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Linda we all love you and share your sarrow.

i want to thank each one of you my crews , for the hugs , prayers and thinking of me . i appreciated it so much thank you ..
funeral was beautiful , burial was cold and dealing with 50 mph wind . wet dammpy bone chillin and body shakin and teeth a chattering , had a bunch of ballones and we let it all go , beautifull !! all red and white and only one purple cuz it was her fav color , red and white was her college s color ,,,
prayers to her mom and dad and many who she touched thier lives .
now we keep going and ya think the world is suppose to stop but it doesnt ,
goodnight you all . xoxo

It's awful quiet in here lately, not that I haven't contributed to it. Linda I'm glad you're back home! Everyone have a nice night!

Chirpy

hi folks ..
i am back home , time just flew by so fast , a blink of an eye .
yes so so so tragic to lose a young ones . while ure hoping that elders dont have to suffer too much longer , life is just so unfair .
now my bil s life is upside down and he has to take care of alz mom . hubby s seeing it and thinks he needs a break and decide what realy we shall do .

bam, bam, , one thing after another , oh lord i ask him does it ever ends .? i thought hard and hard , nope it doesnt end ,, only time it ends is when ur gone off to a better place ...
sadness just keeps a coming .
well hell where is that brownies at ??? :-) heheee . i love you all !!! .
ill be ok . hubby stayed with him brother and mom . may go get him home in a few days ? told him to call me when he s ready to come home and i ll come n get him ,
many hugs to you all xoxoxo

Sheila that was wonderful. The thing I tell my friends that are now caregivers is do not be vein accept help and if asked think of one something each person who does ask can be asked to do for you it does not mean that you are weak if others help you and their helping you may give them pleasure and make them feel needed-I do not know why I was so stuborn about accepting help when I was a caregiver-but one thing I am glad I did was to go to an activity at our senior center while a caregiver.

Good Midday, Friends,
Bless you all. May you be surrounded with peace and God's Grace as you go about your week. Raining and cold in Southern California, and the natives never learn how to drive in it. Be safe everyone. All you Snowbound Babies, warm hugs and plenty of fuel. Love, Christina xo

Hi Y'all,

Nothing new happening here but wanted to stop in and let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers daily. Dismal looking day in SC with fog, drizzly rain and getting colder.

May angels watch over you as you take one day at a time.

Love ya,
Diane

Good Morning! Everyone have a great day today!!

Good Morning , just checking in before I start on my "to do " list. We had snow here and it really does brighten up the scenery outside. Like many, I'm going thru the "winter blah's" . I read that it's not good to make a major decision when you have the "blah's" and to try to connect with others even if you feel like "crapola", so that's what's going on with me this morning. See ya later. ssk

Sheila~ love it I saw myself in
way too many of those. Especially health.
Because of stress I developed a life threatening condition, and need major surgery which will leave me with a poor quality of life. Mom will have to go to NH as recovery is long and hard. She thinks she can take care of ME!
And doesn't want to go. So I'm damned either way
Everyone PLEASE take care of yourself
Don't pay the price like I am. 

Hi, folks. I haven't been posting lately, but I've been reading all the posts. I'll post again when I've processed everything that's going on. But I do want to share this article I just read.

What’s OK and What’s Not OK When You Are a Caregiver

By Cindy Laverty, January 17, 2012

Everywhere I travel and meet caregivers, I see a common theme: Most family caregivers are afraid to ask for help. Somehow people think that they should just miraculously know how to care for an aging loved one.

Why would you know this? You did not receive PhD in Caregiving and your loved one poses challenges that you don't have the answers to. As I'm listening to their challenges, frustrations, fears, sorrows, stress-induced situations and overall feelings of being overwhelmed, I find that many caregivers seem to need permission from a professional to ask for help. So very simply, I reach out and take the person's hand, and give permission. Usually there is an instant look of relief in the person's face. It's incredible that giving someone permission to not be perfect helps relieve the pressure and the stress.

Caregivers frequently suffer from severely stressful emotions that can control and even ruin their lives. Sadly, these are the caregivers who, for whatever reason, have refused to ask for help or seek professional advice either from a medical doctor or a therapist. In order to manage the caregiving journey, you simply must step out of your comfort zone and find alternative methods for dealing with your personal situation.

The only way that family caregivers can sustain all that needs to be done to care for a loved one is to delegate responsibility and ask for help. It's really simple and it changes lives.

Here are some things that I think are okay for caregivers:

It's okay to be scared.
It's okay to be angry, lost, sad and even depressed.
It's okay to lose your patience.
It's okay that you don't want to sacrifice your whole life for someone else. And you shouldn't.
It's okay that your self-esteem feels damaged.
It's okay that you make mistakes.
It's okay that you don't know how to do everything.
It's okay that you don't have the answers.
It's okay that you don't have a cure.
It's okay that you're not there all the time.
It's okay that you sometimes have extreme feelings towards the person for whom you are caring.
It's okay that you lost your temper.
It's okay that you had to apologize.
It's okay that you're afraid.
It's okay that you can't get everything done in a day.
It's okay that you have guilt. All caregivers have guilt.
It's okay that you have compassion fatigue.
It's okay you feel trapped.
It's okay that you took a few days for yourself.
It's okay that you vented to your spouse or friend.

All of these things are absolutely okay. How you manage them is going to make the difference between becoming an Empowered Caregiver or staying in a hopeless situation.

Here are some things that are NOT okay.

It's not okay that you feel like you have to do everything yourself.
It's not okay that you feel like an indentured servant.
It's not okay that you are ignoring your personal needs.
It's not okay that you are ignoring friends and social activities.
It's not okay that asking for help paralyzes you.
It's not okay that you don't have a plan in place.
It's not okay to feel helpless and hopeless for days on end.
It's not okay that you have stopped doing activities you once loved.
It's not okay that you are afraid to say "no" or "not now."
It's not okay that your siblings don't help you.
It's not okay that you don't have boundaries in place.
It's not okay that you feel unappreciated by your family.
It's not okay that you have lost pride in what you are doing for another human being.
It's not okay to sacrifice your financial security.
It's not okay that you do everything your loved one wants, especially when the demands can be outrageous.
It's not okay that you don't sleep or eat properly.
It's not okay that you are constantly exhausted when help is available, if you would only seek it.
It's not okay that you are sacrificing your personal health for another.
It's not okay that you are constantly trying to fix everything that is wrong.
It's not okay that you are living your life in crisis.

If any of the above rings true for you, then decide right now that you will get the help you need. Decide that you will live your life in a better way. Decide that you will take the necessary steps to ask for and get answers to the challenges that you are facing. Decide today that you are worth the time, energy and financial investment to survive, thrive and become an Empowered Caregiver.

It's true that there is much sorrow in the world and at times we feel so wounded by the losses we all share. I myself lost my sister due to a tragic accident, she died 3 months before her 15th Birthday, I was devastated and in shock over her death as I was only 3 months away from my 14th Birthday at the time.. Then a few years later I got married, had a child and lost my husband who was accidentally murdered by a drunk which left me a widow and a 5 month old daughter to raise alone at the age of 17. This was only the beginning and there is no need to pour pain all over everyone here about it that is not my intention. I just want to share with those here that I do know your pain and what you are going through. It is my hope to share with you what my pain and suffering taught me at a very young age. It taught me that life is a precious gift that needs to be treasured. We need to love each other and value each other all we can because none of us have any guarantees as to how long our lives will be. When I think of my sister Jody, and my first husband Steve, sure I miss them and the pain has lessened over time but I don't focus on the pain, I did my grieving and it took me a long time because it hurt so bad, but when I remember them I remember the love we expressed for each other. I remember laying in bed at night and looking out the bedroom window with my sister in the bed next to mine and both of us singing twinkle twinkle little star together, it was a sisterly tradition we started and we did it every night. It always brings back the warm safe feelings and love we had with each other. When I remember Steve I have quite the memories to but those are no one else s' business, LOL but seriously when I look into my daughters face I see her Dad Steve, and when I look into her youngest son's eyes, my grandson Nicholas, I see Steve looking back at me. They were both so young when they died but they gave me love and many cherished memories. We can't control who leaves their life here on earth or even when one's time is up but we can be grateful for what we had with them before they were gone. We can be grateful for the ones who are living today and show them we love them and value them now. After all is said and done throughout our lives the one thing that has real meaning and substance for all of us is love. Just the experience of being loved and loving others makes life beautiful.
Love Cricket

In the last two weeks I have heard such bad news so often my head is spinning-from news from Linda -my firend Winnie getting ready to leave us after such hardships another friend having a stroke two other friends at the center with bad illnesses the husband of a friend having a stroke after having braine surgery to improve his life and another friend having mental changes which may be the start of something-I am really near the black hole its grabing at me-right now I feel empty and may have to stay away from this site for a while-I can not help others right now.

When it rains it pours. We don't know why this is. Maybe things are random, in a big bag and dumped out at once. If we zoom out far enough, maybe we could see the bigger picture puzzle. Where we look from our respective places, all we see is the pin point of the tragedy. Or, we can believe it is a single thread in a tapestry, and thus, it can be expected, or more difficultly, accepted, as part of the picture. If we believe in a Creator and accept all the good things we receive, maybe we must accept that the bad is valid, too. Here we all are on a Boat holding each other up in all times. It is not as if we are on a preschool boat, or a doll making boat. We are on a Care giver Boat, dealing with sick or slowly dying loved ones. On the regular Boat of Life, anything can happen at any time. Look what happened the other day with the Italian cruise! Look at 9/11!
But, also look at each other, look at our kids, look at our husbands and boyfriends, our fun tines and our rest. For Everything, everything-- there is a time and a Season. God Bless You All, dear Friends, and a special prayer for you tonight, LindaHeart. Many Angels surround you. Peace to you All. Love, Christina

Dearest Linda, there is something I would like to say, it is the first time I say it and maybe the last one. We usually talk here about our sick relatives who are quite old/old/ very old. Your father, my mother, everybody's father or mother or grandparent. It is very sad what happens to them, either they are mentally or physically impaired, and it is very sad and stressful what happens in our life. But it is normal and natural that there is a decline, with age. So, I am speaking for myself, we are here on this site to vent and support each other, but what happens to our aged relatives, as sad as it is, it is not a tragedy. While, losing a young relative is definitely a tragedy and it seems so unfair, cruel, impossible to accept. One of my nephews is a mountain climber, in this period of the year he is climbing on ice. I know how dangerous it is and every time he goes to the mountain I am frightened, but I can't do anything else than tell him "Be careful". I know that this life is very frail and nobody gives us any guarantee, but when it strikes a young person you love you really lose all your certainties and stability... And you keep to wonder why. I hope with time you will find some answers. It seems to me you have a very good family and I know you will support each other and help each other. I know you will give help and you will accept help. This is the only way you will be able to get through a period like this...
A big kiss

thanks u guys for ur lovng words , i ben runnin around here with my head a hangin and a swinging . i do not know if im comin or going .
i am at home right now . had to come home to ck on dad , was worried sick about pa . ice storm came and went . north where i am suppose to be at right now got hammered with snow and the rest of down is nuthnin but ice roday . prayers plz that me and my 2 girls and gma will be fine alla round .
rossella - i am too cussing up the storm . jesus knows im not happy with him at this moments and on out . what a sin for us all to be punished but thats life and something we could never understand . and i keep telling myself wow a brandnew year of 2012 realy fkin sucks already . and this is just a begining of a new year 19 days later its all a slap acroos my face and all m y love ones . the lord and i are not speaking to eachother . i have had enuff of this BS . hurtin too much so long and so far . lord knows i still love him but i just cannt speak to him .
my mind is blank ,,,,,,
my sis in law is coming to sit with dad as long as i can . it is my b rothers wife . she took care of her brother for 13 yrs since his accident at work . saddness all atround ,
i love u all and think of you all often and wishin you all happy days . mine wont be happy for a long time . shit keeps slapin my face . i guess i should not smile .
black hole for us all and we will eveneutlay crawl out of it one day .
pa is not doing good .
hospice was worried about him . so whatever , im worried sick 24 - 7 . i love you all . maybe get on back on when i get my shit together ,
viewing is sunday 2-8 m bural is 11 - 2 ... monday ,,,,
i love you guys ,
yes rossella lets cuss up the storm like a sailor !!! OBMAJ !!!!!!!!!!!!
SHITOFRANIC CHEERS ~~~~~~~
XOXOX

Linda, my prayers are with you and the family. I'm so sorry for your loss. Much love, my dear friend!

Linda ~ I am soooo sorry about your niece. So young. Her life was just beginning. You and your family are in my prayers.

GARFIELD ON THE OIL CRISIS
YOU GOTTA LOVE GARFIELD 'S EXPLANATION -- TOO CUTE & ALSO TOO TRUE!!!


A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in:
~~~
ALASKA
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Coastal Alabama
~~~~
Coastal Mississippi
~~~~

North Dakota~~~
Wyoming
~~~
Colorado
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
~~~
And
~~~
Texas~~~
Our dipsticks are located in DC!!!
~~~
Any Questions? NO? Didn't think So.

So it goes

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 2 black and 2 Mexican guys arrive.

St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."

St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.

He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."

"Who, the black and Mexican guys?" asked God.

"No. The Pearly Gates."

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...


"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen.
In length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact
that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part, she composed herself as well as she could.
"I am so sorry," she said.. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise That won't
happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Bob replied.

She ran out of the room.

Linda you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Hugs Cuz

Linda, I feel for you. It is always hard to lose a loved one. My prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong and take things as they come.

Linda, I feel for you. You is always hard to lose a loved one. Stay strong and take each day as it comes. My prayers are with you.

Oh Linda dear heart I am so very sorry for your loss I do not even know what else to say now.

Linda, I'm so sorry about your niece and the awful grief you and your family are going through. You and Pa are always in my prayers and now I will include your other family as well. I will pray for the angels to comfort you all. I am all to familiar with this kind of loss in my own life throughout the years.
Today makes a week since I came down with a terrible cold and I've spent the last week pretty much in bed. Today I am finally feeling better and just finished catching up with everyone's posts tonight. I must say with all the ups and downs of this past week that overall everyone is holding it together pretty well. It's because of all the understanding and support we all give and receive here in this forum. I am so grateful for being a part of this. I am finding that my relationship with my father has improved tremendously since I was willing to look for changes within myself, redefine my boundaries with him and step out of myself and see the big picture of my father, his ways and needs. I was able to see the need for this change within myself because of being allowed to vent here openly and honestly without the fear of being judged. Thank you all so very much for this. Because of your support you have given me fertile soil to grow into a better person. All of you are in my thoughts tonight and I pray for you to have peace and for your loved ones to have comfort.
Love Cricket

Linda, God's peace and comfort be with you and your family. Such a tragedy at such a young age. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Hey, Ro.....Cow Pattie! Congrats!

Oh Linda. I don't know what to say. I am saying a lot of very bad words in italian in my head now, which is my way to grieve for you.

Linda, prayers for you and your family.