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Rosella, what a great uncle.
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ss We had the in-laws put in an assisted living arrangement cause the father-in-law had dementia and it really worked out great. They lived togather for about two years before the father-in-law passed. He was 91 at the time. My mother-in-law now lives at another assisted living and she 93 and just loves it. They have scheduled games and events to keep them moving etc. We just took the bull by the horns and did what needed to be done.
Hugs to ya gal
LovCuz
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Thanks for the support everyone. I hope your weeks go OK where ever you are...or best you can hope for. We're gonna be hammered with snow here this week...one more thing eh? Take care....
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SS I don't know what to tell you. I know those are difficult decisions to make. Have you considered other options? A caregiver who can sleep in your parent's house in the living room? There are people who want to work so much that they accept to sleep on a sofa bed, too. You can assess how much it would cost you, versus the NH. It is another option... I mean, take some time to evaluate all the possible solutions...
Linda a big hug, You know that walking with dogs helps me, too.
Meanwhile, when you go horse riding it is like your husband went with you. You are making something for him, too.
When I bathe, I "dedicate" my bathes to my uncle who loved the sea as much as I do, more than I do - I have seen him kissing the sea water! He was my father's brother, he was a very nice man, when we went to the beach together he took all the children available, nephews and nieces and his own children, and the friends of his children, and we bathed all together and we stayed hours in the sea and he made us laugh so much. He was our favorite uncle, he was always happy and optimistic. And so when I bathe I think I am bathing for him, too! It is one of the best ways we remember people we have lost - to do something that they liked.
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SS - From experience, if you don't go the route of having guardianship given to you or the state to step in, no one will help you, they say it is the decsion of the patient. They all know what you know he will fall again but they won't step in. Had to do this for a friend of the family, he was so incapable of making good decisions but his family was too @$*% and selfish to do anything. It took me and the Visiting Nurse months to get guardianship but we did, he went into a NH and lived he next 4 years there, safe and relatively happy. Perservere, you know best!

Been a heck of a week with me and the in-laws. I range from crying to being angry with the situation (not sure which is best or which is most destructive). In order to help the mother-in-law with eating I bought her the silverware with larger handles and bendable to make life easy. She loved it for three days, could not say enough good things about it until the secret was let out that it was my idea and I ordered it. She then refused to use them, refused to eat and sat at the dinner table pushing the food on her plate off onto the table and the floor. thank God for dogs, they cleaned up the floor! If only I could teach them to do the laundry my life would be better. Had long talk with my significant other than he cannot tell his mother anything I do as it will react badly, he said he finally got it. Men! they can be slow to learn sometimes.
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SS ~ You can talk to the social worker at the NH to see if your parents can be deemed incompetent. If their doctors agree they are, they will sign off on the documents necessary to get guardianship. I recall a similar situation with my friend's neighbors. They were both declining physically, no longer capable of caring for each other, and the state stepped in and mandated they go for placement. Good luck, sweetie.
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selfishsiblin , are you the poa ? you could tell the nh that there is no one that takes care of ur parents at home and for ur dad s safety he should stay where he is at the rehab , find out if ur mom could stay too ? speak up and talk to the social workers and put ur feet down . let them know u can not take care ofthem u have ur own life to deal with .
i quit my job to take care of pa and i did it cuz he ask me to . i could never say no to pa . one look in his eyes is like lookin at a homeless puppy . heart touching . he was alone and lonely .
now when he goes to a better place i will have to start all over again to find a job . wish me luck .
meawhile- youre a very speical person . hearing ur hubbys voice telling u to go ride ur horse . i love that ! . ride one for me too . bet it clears ur head while ure riding too . i walk my dogs and wow clears my head too ,
ok hubbys meowin at me to come outside . i shall go .
have a happy sunday loooo lala . xoxo
flex- dementia oh my gosh . think theyre dying but realy on the inside theyre havin a party , have a happy nappin . xoxo
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Linda, I can't think of anything that helps, when you have to watch someone get weaker. But, you have done everything and then some, to make your Dad as comfortable as possible. That goes for everyone on this site.
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Austin, Meanwhile and Diane,
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate it. Yes I have made up my mind but my mother has not. Neither one is able to make the right decision here. He can't get up out of a chair by himself and my 84 year old mother is going to take care of him? I don't think so. It's insane. Can't the social workers stop this??? Both Mom and Dad are incapable of making the right decision. I get that, but I won't be party to it. I told them I will not help with anything if he comes home. So then, they'll call and I'll say, no, I don't have time. Then he'll fall again, and he will, then what?
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SS you are right to put your foot down. Stick to your guns.
Diane sorry to hear your Mom is doing worse, Let the hospital and your brother take care of her, and get some rest. Cats are so snuggly aren't they.
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Hey Y'all,

Sorry I haven't been posting. Friday I had to rush mom to the hospital because I thought she was having a stroke. The doctors admitted her to the hospital and have been running test. She appears to be back to her "normal" self, but no info yet from the doctors. Last night was quite a doosie with her sundowning. She was convinced someone had been murdered in her room. She was up all night. I am home for a few hours to eat, rest & shower before heading back for another fun slumber party :) The good news is my brother has been staying at the hospital with mom to allow me to get home to rest a little.

Let me throw some clothes in the washer and crawl into my bed with a cat or all three to get some rest.

Love ya,
Diane
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SSI think you are going to have to lay down the law to Mom-she is of course being very unrealistic or maybe just unable to tell him that he can not go home-ask the social worker to also tell this to your Mon and make sure they realize that you will not pick him up or be a slave to her wants and they will be on their own-Mom will probably yell and scream but let her. You know in your heart the answer-there comes a time when you can no longer put out all the fires for them-you Mom needs to grow up and stand on her own and not depend on you for everything-have him stay there-it is a good place for the care he needs-let us know how things go.
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SelfishSibs ~ It kinda sounds like you've made your decision and are asking for support. You've got mine. It sounds like a no-brainer. In fact, have you considered having Mom join him. Does the NH he's in have couple accommodations? Some do.
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Peeps - I need ur help. Dad is in a rehab after a nasty fall before Christmas, and we have to make a decision as to if he stays in the long term care unit or comes home. There really is no such place as "home" because my parents rent a condo and the lease is up in the fall. He has fallen many times, now can barely walk, has mild dementia, and cannot toilet himself. Mom goes in for hip surgery end of February herself!! Of course he WANTS to come home (that's natural), and my stupid a$$ 84 year old mother who can't decide what to have for dinner, says, "Oh, I can take care him...." But she cannot. He weighs 150 lbs, she's 4'10" and walks with a cane. He would need around the clock care and where would this caregiver stay? They live a one-bedroom apartment. I am ok with him staying in this home. It is very nice and close to where I am and I can take Mom to see him all the time. It's just too much to deal with. I told them that IF he comes home, I'm not picking him up, I'm not doing anything, anymore. No more runs to CVS for meds, the bank, the hairdresser, groceries, the multitude of doctor appointments, laundry, church, nothing. They are on their own because I can't take it anymore..... they keep making bad decisions. If he leaves this place, we'll never "get a bed" there again when he falls the next time and he will fall again. What should I do?

-SS
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Meanwhile you are not just hanging around this group needs the formers to help the one in the trenches-plus the people here are our real friends. My friend Winnie was sitting in her w/c beeing fed in the dining room yesterday and was talking-I fed her some of her lunch to free up one of the nurses. First I went to her room and her bed was empty and the sheets were off and I was upset but found her in the dinning. Her daughter says when she wakes up I am the first one she asks for. We are finally having winter here in the lower Hudson Vally in NY-no snow yet.
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meanwhile . i am glad u find this addictive , yes it is so true ,
it is nice to get on and read whos venting , laughin , crying or givin out the best advice here , we worry when one of us goes a missing ,
where is mariesmom at ? has anyne heard from her ?
stillstanding ?? and many more . ssk ?? deefer , flex , mmm i know there s many others , my mind is trying to remmy whooooo .

bobbie ~~~~ big hugs to u girl . ure always in my mind . i could never forget you captian ...

pa s sleeping and sleeping and sleeping . sleeps while i feed him , sleeps while he s takin a drink . sleeps while i change him . sleep sleep sleeeep . clap my hands come on pa open ur eyes , wake up pa clap clap . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz he is . :-(

jsomebody , im glad ur mom is learning how to do things for fp whithout hollarin for ya . let her do it all . stay on gross out and u get hugs and smiles and u have all of us to meow at . big hugs jsomebody . xoxoxo
austin ~~ are u stayin warm ? i know i am , i have the good ole woodstove a blarring , for a while i didnt use the woodstove , used the furnace and gott the bill today 461 dollars whoa !!!! gotta keep that woodstove a going . dont want another high bill . eeek
ok you all im going to ck on pa then go snuggle onthe couch and find me a good movie to watch ,
nighty night xoxox
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Beautiful day here, 60 and sunny. Saddled up the young horse, and went for a short ride. He is forgetting his training. Or maybe I'm the one forgetting my training. But, had a nice ride, let him gallop a bit to get a few kinks worked out. Works some of my kinks out too. Better than a chiropractor. I suppose I should feel guilty. I have time to do stuff now that my husband is gone. But, I know he would want me to be out riding. Before he got real bad, but I felt like I had stay by his side, He would tell me "go ride your horse!".he he, guess I was hovering. I can still hear him saying that. Mentally he was with it until the last week or so. Sheila, your situation is so much more difficult. Thanks for letting me hang around, even though I'm not care giving anymore. I found all these great friends, all this support while my husband was sick. This group is addictive.
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Sheila, I am so sorry for you.
Jen, I am so sorry for your mother. And for you too, but you can escape in your basement if things get difficult...
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195austin ~ I've got POA, both health and financial. One of Alan's doctors just told me I should get guardianship also, so I will be following through with that. No financial gain, but it may make things easier. I never really thought about divorce as a financial solution, but it would make things far worse for me. I'd be giving up his pension, SS, health insurance through his work and, of course, life insurance. I tell you, they sure don't make it easy to get old, and they make it nigh on impossible to get senile. I just hope that they've enacted assisted suicide if my mind and body betray me, because I can't bear the thought of putting my children through this.
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hey dee ho...usual here..

"Daddy will you just spit into a napkin..?"

"I was trying for the garbage can..."

"Well you miss it a lot so just spit into a napkin..."

"Well, I usually get it..."

The convo I hear from the basement, same things over and over and over....
I must say, now that mom has figured out to get him up and do his crap BEFORE she calls me, things go much nicer. I don't have to look at him, he doesn't get to say that smarmy "G'mornin Jenny..." to me in his sicky sick way...much better.

Good weekend all. what ever that may be...
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Shila have you thought about seeing an elder lawyer and looking into medicaide or getting guardianship for your husband and I hate to say this but some in your position might consider divorce so he could get medicaid and not leave you broke-I know I had to decide on medicaide even though I would be poor as a church mouse and had started the paper work when God intervened-at that time I did not know about spousal refusual which would have let me keep some of his pensions-which is legal but kept very quiet. I so hope someone can help you-I feel what you are going through because I was in a very bad place myself 3 yrs ago.
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Amen, meanwhile2. Caring, beyond hard working, witty, funny, super intelligent. Thank goodness for our ilk. Whoo Hoo!
Lilli/KimBo/Sheila/Rossella, every wonderful soul here, my little Cricketina and LindaHeart, Cuz, Captain, Diane, GolfSuzie, Enough, BJ, SelfishSibs, Jen, Rip, Austin, caregivers not here but in our hearts and we in theirs: Miz, Kuli, Barb, Pirate, BonnieO, Ted. My heart is full of all of you.
Have a good night. Xo Christina
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Lots of hugs and huts to everyone. Your Dad is so lucky to have you LInda, Your husband is lucky to have you Sheila. I guess that is why all of us are here. We care, and try to do what is right.
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Linda, everybody was worried, not just me! You know you are very dear to all of us. Give a big hug to your great pa! I am happy the people of the hospice are behaving well. I think they hug you because they see what a wonderful work you are doing with your dad!
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meooowww .
thought i better ck in and say hi to you all . saw rossella was worried about me , i am so sorry.. i felt bad for meowin at kimberly for not ckin in too . throw me off the plank ! heeeeeee haww lalala .
pa is doing ok . still holding air , his throat gurggling coughin gagging and all is getting worst , today he s feelin lit better , hospices is wonderful . norma rove back in town to get him diapers cuz i was afraid id run out and tld her i m going to town anyways i ll get some , she said nooooooooo dont do that , save ur money we get em for ur dad its no cost to us . so she made a speical trip to town and back . bless her heart , i love all my new people , theyre so wonderful , always want to hug me and i hug em back hard . i feel like theyre families to me too .
my puter is in the other family room , i stay in the living room most of the time now to watch dad . its closer to his bdrm and im with him most ofthe time to give him breathing treatemnt and meds and guess what im feeding him too . he doesnt eat himself much anymore , he just stares at his food and hes too tired and worn out to pick up a spoon , breaks my heart so i feed him when he cant do it .
so this is one hellva journey here ,
i ask my sister if i shall keep dad s bed when he s no longer here ? she said well maybe someone may need it , i thought man i prob would keep on griefing if i walk in the bdrm and see the bed but no dad . ahhh i told her everything goes to the needy , i dont want it ,
ok friends i love you all and i tried to read some but then my eyes jumps around and skips alot of lines . i caught rossella was worried about me so i wanna say meow i am fine .
i will post again soon and keep u all update , shelia big hugs to u and ure right what u said about hospices , i had a hard time getting dad one and now finaly the dr up at the hopsital signed up one ,
many many hugs to u all and have a hut n shitofranic n pissinapplesauce , margaritta wooooo that be one big fun partayyy . xoxo gators too !! purrr arf arf meowww
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Good evening everyone,

Just stopping in briefly to poke my head in and say hello....HELLO :)
off to cook dinner now. Hang in there Sheila. BBL XOXO

Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´
♥«´¨`•°Cricket.°•´¨`»♥
¸.•*(¸.•*´♥`*•.¸)`*•
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Well Sheila, you know we are here for you and hope that will help to buffer your stress. This is the Place to Vent. Big Hut, hug, whatever. You need Em, we gottem. {{{{{{{{Sheila and other Boat People}}}}}} haha!!
Love you girls xoxo
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The film with Kathy Bates and Jack Nicholsen is called "About Schmidt." It was just okay, but Kathy Bates was great. It is too bad that some of the best "character" actors get such little notice...maybe because they are so good that they become the character. They are more interesting than the main actors....and probably make less!
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Lilliput ~ I'm not going to stop looking for help. Something. Anything. Even having an aide give him his shower three times a week helped. The psychologist suggested that I talk to the SW at the NH. Also I was supposed to meet with someone from the Department of Aging, but Alan's last stroke superceded it.
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Shelia-Here is a big hut to you! Heart goes out to you! Much love being sent your way! Kim
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