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Christina: I'd take either one...both gorgeous and great actresses...oye vey. I see you cast in the Kathleen Turner roles either in Body Heat or Prizzi's Honor...both deadly chics. And you are an exceptional cruise director...the only job on the boat that looks fun!!
I just watched the movie "Network" the other night. My favorite line: "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Heh, heh, my battle cry.
Good to hear that Linda and Diane are well...I guess we worry when we do not hear from people.
Kim: love Kathy Bates in everything too....she just elevates anything she is in. She was in the quirky film with Jack Nicholsen...can't remember the name
Sheila: whew...looks like you did your homework and figured it out all on your own..congrats. Too bad there is nothing for the two of you...
I need a group hut, ladies. I just got off the phone with the psychologist, and I'm in a major blue funk. She's completed scoring Alan's psych eval. Diagnosis; severe dementia. I was hoping against hope that his cognitive issues would improve as his brain heals, but, because of the quad whammy of his craniotomy and three strokes, she doesn't see much improvement. I don't know whether I feel worse for him or me. It's so sad. It's not like 69 is a spring chicken, but it's just the beginning of his "golden years". We should be reaping the benefits of retirement. Travel. Active adult activities. He should be fishing and working on his model boat. I should be crafting and going to yoga and aqua aerobics. Not trapped in this hell. The upside, if there is one, is that she says he's probably unaware of his predicament and contentedly living his life in the 70's or 80's in his younger working days. Right now I gotta go. Hard typing through the sobs.
Christina-Love Kathy Bates! Have you seen Misery and Delores Cliaborne? She was in Fried Green Tomatoes! Love all her movies! Great actress! Fried Green Tomatoes has to be my favorite of all of them! Thanks for info on Diane! XXOO Kimbo
Ok, girls. I figured Dukakis, being the older one in the movie would be a wise (cracking) old reliable. Full of it, but there when you need her. I can relate. TY. Lilli, you want the Julia Roberts part or the dingbat Darryl Hannah character? Either one, dead or dumb. Wha ha ha. I get that movie confused with Frien Green Tomatoes. Are they both written by Fannie Flagg? No wonder. Is there a woman who gets her parking place swiped by a rude B at the market? You can tell I paid attention. I usually like action movies with hunky guys like Jean Claude or psychological thrillers, no gore. I don't mean Al, but you can keep him too. Besides math, I don't comprehend insurance or any of those legal type documents. I am challenged in that area and it gives me a literal headache if I try to figure it out. If I push it, then I start crying from frustration. So, please, no one rock the Boat. I wish I could help more. Jeannegibbs I am NOT. Additionally, I think I am a good cruise director, but could never steer like the Captain or get us where we are going. Nope, cause all I want to do is make sure everyone is OK, has a margarita, and likes my cooking. BTW: heard from Diane. She is doing very well, working more and checking into things for Mom. No shitofrantics this week. It is only January 13th so we have plenty of time for that activity on the good ol' BOAT! BOAT!!! Whoo Hoo!! I like any character Kathy Bates plays, too. She was in one if those movies, right? Anyone else you girls want to know about?
Christina ~ Another Steel Magnolias requisite--a box of kleenex. Two of Ouiser's (Dukakis' character's name) lines that I've plagerized as my own: "Don't try to get on my good side. I no longer have one!" and "You are evil, and you must be destroyed."
Olympia Dukakis! Wow!! I would be flattered to be compared to her character in Steel Magnolias! One of my favorite films! Christina-If you haven't seen it yet you should get out the popcorn and be ready for a wonderful movie experience! Laughter through tears! I think we can all relate to that experience! XXOO
I have been thinking about Diane! Hope she OK! Happy to hear Linda is OK! Thanks for checking on her for us Christina. You are one top notch cruise director! Hope my hut went straight to you and didn't hit the prof in the head causing Shitofrantic chaos in class!
Lilliput and other sweeties that have responded re hospice for my husband ~ First of all, thanks for your input and concern. I've researched online info on hospice relative to Medicare's coverage. Here's the basics:
Medicare covers: physicians’ services, nursing care (intermittent with 24-hour on call), medical appliances and supplies related to the terminal illness, outpatient drugs for symptom management and pain relief, short-term acute inpatient care, including respite care, home health aide and homemaker services, physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech/language pathology services, medical social services, and counseling, including dietary and spiritual counseling.
Who is eligible? Hospice care is available under Medicare only if:
The patient is eligible for Medicare Hospital Insurance (Part A); The patient’s doctor and the hospice medical director certify that the patient is terminally ill with six months or less to live if the disease runs its expected course. The patient signs a statement choosing hospice care instead of standard Medicare benefits for the terminal illness; The patient receives care from a Medicare-approved hospice program.
At this point, hospice isn't appropriate for my husband. He's nowhere near death--except of course by my hand when I'm ready to kill him! Physically he's somewhat mobile and improving, but his mind is somewhere in la-la land. But a for instance about not being allowed curative care under hospice is that he has an appointment with a cardiac surgeon about opening up one of his clogged carotid arteries, which is not something that would be possible under hospice.
Christina ~ Home health care and hospice are different programs. Read what I wrote the Lilliput about hospice. Home health care is provided for your mom because of the wound care. My husband wouldn't be eligible for long-term home health care, because he has no medical issue. He did, however, have physical, occupational and speech therapy, along with a visiting nurse and aide for personal grooming (baths) when he was released from rehab. Patients can take advantage of that benefit as long as they are making progress. My husband had reached a plateau, so that benefit was about to end when he had this last stroke.
As long as there is no medical issue, such as broken hip or wound, the journey goes;
*Taken to ER because of stroke. *Admitted to ICU *Moved to regular unit for a few days *Moved to NH rehab for max of 100 days *If patient can be taken care of at home, discharged to home with home health care as described above until max recovery reached. *If family can't take care of patient at home, NH placement, paid by Medicare or self-pay *If family can't meet Medicare eligibility or doesn't have money for self-pay, patient/family is shit out of luck.
Now...that topic depresses me. Moving on.
Christina ~ I think Dukakis was about 60 when the movie was made, but anyway you notice I amended my comment by noting that she's too old. In the movie, she's feisty and quick-witted like you. Never mind. It was a bad idea. She was also cantankerous, which certainly isn't you.
Lilliput ~ You also asked if Alan is a vet. He is, but, there again, we don't meet the income eligibility. We're certainly not rolling in dough, but Medicare and the VA set the bar pretty low. They aren't programs for the middle class.
Hi gals I read with interest all your solutions to Sheila's problem... I am sorry I can't say anything because the reality is very different here in Italy. Does anyone have news about Lindaheart? I am worried...
Sheila: The one thing I learned long ago about caregiving is to never take "no" for an answer. When I started looking into ALFs for Mom, I started on the Internet...you can tell a lot about a company by their website. I narrowed the list down to 5. Then I made a list of all the care Mom would need. I called the ALFs and asked to speak with the directors - not the sales staff. You can glean a lot of information by the tone of voice and how willing they are to work with you. I narrowed the list to 3 and had family and friends make a visit. We all settled on the same place. This ALF charges by the room. If is spouse is joining the resident, there is a slight increase. They set aside rooms for Medicaid as well. They worked with me in regard to Mom's income and their yearly increases are very reasonable. The director was very "hands on" which helped because she visited all the residents and knew what was going on in the entire facility. My friend's Mom is planning on living at the same ALF. I was surprised that they worked with her because she has no assets and very little income. But, as I said before, if the directors are good at what they do, they want to fill rooms and will work with you. Same with hospice. Another friend told me that his Gma had been in hospice for two years before she passed. If you go online you will find a list of "qualifying" illnesses. As 195Austin mentioned, hospice rules are more inclusive now and are just not for end of life issues. Again, ask around and get a referral to a good hospice then call the director. (Doctors know very little about this process, or they will send you to the one associated with the hospital...not always the best choice.) The director will let you know if your hub would qualify. If he/she thinks he will, they will send him to their doctor who knows more about qualifying. You are right about palliative care...but that includes a lot: personal care aides, PTs (for mobility), RXs, medical supplies, etc. They will bring all the equipment that is needed for care to your home. I think the reasoning is: why place someone in the hospital or in a NH if they can be taken care of at home with a little help. Makes sense to me. My grandfather used to say, "it doesn't hurt to ask." If you do not get the answers you need at one place, try the next. So much of caregiving is "foot work" and tracking down services. Write to me on my wall if you need more info. (also, is you hub a veteran?) Good luck, Lilli
Hi girls and Cuz, Is home health nurse the same as hospice? One comes to see my Mother twice a week for wound care. That is one requirement. Yesterday I noticed that my Mother's legs have no more muscle tone. I can't believe it. The last PT came twice a week for a month, got her standing, but she cannot move her feet anymore. She says, OK, then message is not getting from brain to legs:( but, she is enjoying our daily walks and songfest. Difficult to get info back to me from caregivers-- I have to call nurse who gives me report. I think she is efficient. I notice the caregivers are a little jumpy when I come over now, as the other day they wanted to show me fungus on her foot. I said, where is the bottle of cider vinegar I brought over here with her? I took care of her so well. They are not that busy over there, but as with some, guess they don't want to work as hard as we do. Wish I had the money I pay them every month, and wish they understood when I ask them to do a couple of simple things for her. I am there every day. Once in a while they have a hectic moment, but not very often. Well, I feel I am doing the best I can with everything that we have gone through. No regrets. Hey Sheila! Geeze, how old do you think I am?! Olympia Dukakis? Please, I'm a Conservative, and a very young 60, which I believe we call "40" now. I will have to watch the movie, as I am not familiar with her character. Maybe it was a compliment? It was one of those hyped cult classics that I avoid until the glamor wears off. Guess that would be now, since mine has worn off, too. I didn't see ET until 1996. Haha. I'm a rebel. Love you all. Construction still going on and it is a mess. Lovely day outside, however, and no school today, so I'm off to the bridle trail. Ttyl. Xo
SHEIL I have heard that most hospics companies do not require a person to be end of life to get help-my friend got help while her Mom was in a NH because of her age -it might stop after 6 months but can be restarted again usually as often as needed and they will send aides for ADL's like bathing helping with meals. There are great Hospices and not so great ones but usually more than one company in an area so check around and let us know how it goes so you will help others who have the same problems.
Lilli ~ Is the info about ALFs directed to me, or is there a member with the name Btw? If it's for me, it's easier for a single person to find ALFs and NHs, because they are the only ones depending on their income. For couples, total income is considered, and the remaining spouse is usually left with an insufficient amount to live on. As far as hospice, it's my understanding that the patient and doctors have to sign off that the patient is expected to not live past six months and will receive palliative care only, and that's not the case with Alan.
Sheila: I have seen it all with the docs. My favorite was wanting my Mom, who is 84 and can barely walk, to come for weekly visits...or the lovely front office staff who would not refill her Rx for a UTI because the "doctor had to see her." When I told one young woman about Mom's challenges of getting to a doctor's office, she told me to "call an ambulance" to transport her. We moved on. It isn't that there are no compassionate medical professionals out there, it is just that we have to wade through all the jerks before we find them...then, they are usually booked up. Btw, have you spoken with directors at your local ALFs? I ask this because my friend's Mom, whose income could not cover the fees, qualified for Medicaid. They set aside so many rooms. Or sometimes they accept the income the resident has as payment. Bottom line, is that they want to fill rooms. If you haven't already, it may be worth speaking with the ALF and see if they have any such programs. Speak with the director, NOT the sales person who will promise you anything. Good luck. Also, if your husband is in severe enough physical and mental condition, he may qualify for hospice. You do not have to be in the end stages of life to receive care. There are 7 or so ailments that qualify. Again, call a good hospice and speak with the director. You need a big ol break. good luck
Bee: glad that coming here has lowered your BP...we'll send you the bill... :o) It just takes a little humor once and awhile (dark humor too)...and knowing that you are not alone.
Thanks, guys. I needed the laughs today, too. And thanks for the affirmation. You are ALL responsible for my calmer demeanor today.
Oh.... and there has been a real physical difference in me since starting here. Today, my blood pressure was normal for the first time in a looooonnnngggg time. Okay, we've made some dietary adjustment (I lost 3 lbs because I'm eating better). But I'm really sure this crew is helping me manage my stress level. So, my heart thanks you in so many ways!
Today I began looking into Assisted Living facilities for Mom. It's just for the information at this point as I have a whole lot more to do - including make an agenda for my silbling meeting. This is going to take a while. I'm grateful for the insights I find here. Thanks everyone! Big Shitofrantic huts to everyone! - rofl - Love you all! Bee
Bee ~ I think the TV series or a stage play is great. Look how well Steel Magnolias did. We should give some thought to which actress should play each of us. I'd say Olivia Dukakis should play Christina, except it's redundant from Steel Magnolias, and she's too old. Right off the top of my head I want Valerie Bertinelli to play me, but more realistically, maybe Kathy Bates.
Lilliput ~ Do I ever know you you mean about clueless professionals. Alan had a speech therapist that was focused on Alan's making a calendar and having a reality of the day of the week "so he can make his own appointments and help pay bills". He didn't even know how to dial a phone, didn't know his doctors' names, sometimes didn't even believe he was in his own house...well, you get the picture.
Gotta get going to an appointment with the chiropracter. I've been going since Alan was hospitalized the day before Thanksgiving. My back, arms and shoulders were so tense and out of whack from fistycuffs with Alan that there's still a long way to go before I'm "fixed". I've gotta get better before Alan's discharged.
ps. Bee, before you meet with the sibs, make out a list to itemize the tasks then leave a space for a name to be written next to it. go over your list then after explaining simply ask okay who will do this? go down the list and make sure everyone is doing something... maybe this will help. :)
It's very annoying when the so called professionals have to be told how to do their jobs! Bee, see if you can hire someone different, perhaps you can convince your siblings to all join forces to bully/make your Mom accept help, that way it's not all your doing... BEEcareful not to take it all on yourself because they are hesitant, if you can throw a fit and tell them you demand them to share the responsibility, you can do it! Whatever happens you know we are here for you.
Cricket -good for you learning new stuff keeps us young I sit near ladies in their 90's at our senior center and am amazed at what they do-once at a celebration the oldest person at each table was going to get a prize and a lady at my table waved her hand and I though the nerve of her so I asked her how old she was and almost fained when she said 92 and the man next to her was 91. Bee did you know case managers are not social workers at my hospital they are RN's who choose not to get degrees and instead of letting them go they reward them with the job a social workers should be hired to do but are cheaper-my old care monster I mean manager refused to go back to school so they gave her a job of case manager-I would tell that company you want to talk to a social worker not a nurse or as suggested go to another company-at least now you have knowledge of how things are not suppose to be done.
Hut one, hut two, fall in line, Lilli. Give me 20 push ups. Oops. Have to put my iPhone away or get points off. Heehee. Oh, I'm doing research, Professor.
Carolyn, you already knew that your mother needs help. The problem is to convince her to accept it. But the most important thing is that someone started to stay with her.... It's the first step. Bit by bit, she will accept more hours of company. It's a very good idea to talk with your siblings. Every important decision has to be made together with them, so that in the future they won't blame you for anything that they had not approved... Christina, people who take pictures of their relatives when they are dead, they are not uncommon. I think it's awful and I am lucky I always manage to forget the image of my loved ones, dead. I always remember them alive! Selective memory.
I noticed several folks asking about how to go about creating POAs. It really is not that difficult.
You can see an attorney and have them do it. The cost can be anywhere from a few hundred dollars and up. If you choose this route, find an attorney who specializes in edler law.
I just went online and found a great site that allows you to download the forms (this is what your attorney does too....they are all standardized.) The site I used was called, Legacy Writers. What I liked about this site is that they have updated forms, by state. You can make as many copies as you like and they store your info. for later use or if you need to make changes. It took me just a few minutes and was MUCH less expensive.
You will need two different forms: a medical POA and a financial POA. Either way, make several "official" copies. Some doctor's offices or hospitals want originals.
Also, each state has it's own "filing" requirements, some have none. This information is on the website too.
I carried a copy of Mom's Medical POA just in case of emergencies.
POAs give you no legal power to make any decisions outside of what you and your parent have agreed upon. They are enacted when the parent is incapacitated in anyway. There are two kinds: one with an unlimited time frame and another that says that the POA cannot be used until the parent is incapable of making sound decisions.
Hang in there Bee...those "administrative" types gall me sometimes...they really are not there to help, they just want to "school" you about the things they think you should be doing. btw, ALL seniors are "difficult"....if they were easy, you wouldn't need their help. Gawd!!! (THEY would never take on this responsibiity themselves...in fact, I have never met a doctor or med. person who was a caregiver...no empathy.) If you think your Mom needs more care, contact her doctor and have him/her extend her care. If you do not like the care this company provides, find another. Really! who does that case manager think she is? I had one awful Medicare in-home group who sent the most under-trained staff, then asked how often I was there to look in on my Mom. I told them that was none of their business and that they needed to provide all the care that Medicare offers...it is a benefit, not a gift! I fired them. The next group was great...I learned quickly that not all in-home care or hospice groups are created equally. The family meeting is an excellent idea. Do not take on any of this responsibility before you are satisfied with the results. Remember, that everyone makes promises at first...follow through is another matter. good luck Lilli "huts" to you too.... "o)
Good morning from gloomy western PA. We've had rain for 24 hours and expect snow later in the day and over night. yuk.
Cuz, thanks for the egg, carrot and coffee story. Cricket and Christina, you are both so inspiring here.
The final arrangement line has been fun, thought provoking and inspiriing. You guys are one heck of a group. Someone should write a screen play: the community with all of the underlying stories and bylines would make a great relevant made for tv movie, don't you think?
In fact, it could be a tv series. There's enough material here for years of air time filled with life lessons, laughter, drama and real raw emotion. Not reality tv, mind you. More like Hallmark stories. Any writers onboard?
The VN's will stop seeing Mom next week I was told last night. Do you believe this: at 10:20 last night Mom's case manager from the medical in home service called. "No emergency", she said, "I just wanted to talk with you."
The gist of the conversation "Your Mom is a difficult case. One minute she's right on target and the next she's saying she has to get dinner made for her husband and kids". (Like I haven't told her this before?) Then she proceeded to tell me she hates to close Mom's case because she doesn't want to leave her alone and I should move her in with me. The rest of the lecture was intended to invoke guilt.
Well, that was a wasted hour of my life and her breath. I don't feel guilty and I want to thank all of your for giving me the gifts of your experience, insights, comfort and support. Without you I would likely have had a sleepless night and be feeling really crappy right now.
Instead, I slept well with a resolve to have a family conference call with my siblings after I've firmed up some information and ideas. It will take me some time to get there, I'm sure.
To all of our new friends, this is the power and strenght you can draw from the venting, sharing and support you will find here. A few months ago, I might have folded in tears after last night's phone conversation. I know I have some difficult discussions with my siblings ahead of me, but, heck, I have you to vent with!
Love the lyrics, Christina! You are a hoot! Love and (((huts))) to all of you! Bee
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I just watched the movie "Network" the other night. My favorite line: "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Heh, heh, my battle cry.
Good to hear that Linda and Diane are well...I guess we worry when we do not hear from people.
Kim: love Kathy Bates in everything too....she just elevates anything she is in. She was in the quirky film with Jack Nicholsen...can't remember the name
Sheila: whew...looks like you did your homework and figured it out all on your own..congrats. Too bad there is nothing for the two of you...
Besides math, I don't comprehend insurance or any of those legal type documents. I am challenged in that area and it gives me a literal headache if I try to figure it out. If I push it, then I start crying from frustration. So, please, no one rock the Boat. I wish I could help more. Jeannegibbs I am NOT. Additionally, I think I am a good cruise director, but could never steer like the Captain or get us where we are going. Nope, cause all I want to do is make sure everyone is OK, has a margarita, and likes my cooking. BTW: heard from Diane. She is doing very well, working more and checking into things for Mom. No shitofrantics this week. It is only January 13th so we have plenty of time for that activity on the good ol' BOAT! BOAT!!! Whoo Hoo!! I like any character Kathy Bates plays, too. She was in one if those movies, right? Anyone else you girls want to know about?
"Don't try to get on my good side. I no longer have one!" and
"You are evil, and you must be destroyed."
I have been thinking about Diane! Hope she OK! Happy to hear Linda is OK! Thanks for checking on her for us Christina. You are one top notch cruise director! Hope my hut went straight to you and didn't hit the prof in the head causing Shitofrantic chaos in class!
Medicare covers:
physicians’ services,
nursing care (intermittent with 24-hour on call),
medical appliances and supplies related to the terminal illness,
outpatient drugs for symptom management and pain relief,
short-term acute inpatient care, including respite care,
home health aide and homemaker services,
physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech/language pathology services,
medical social services, and
counseling, including dietary and spiritual counseling.
Who is eligible?
Hospice care is available under Medicare only if:
The patient is eligible for Medicare Hospital Insurance (Part A);
The patient’s doctor and the hospice medical director certify that the patient is terminally ill with six months or less to live if the disease runs its expected course.
The patient signs a statement choosing hospice care instead of standard Medicare benefits for the terminal illness;
The patient receives care from a Medicare-approved hospice program.
At this point, hospice isn't appropriate for my husband. He's nowhere near death--except of course by my hand when I'm ready to kill him! Physically he's somewhat mobile and improving, but his mind is somewhere in la-la land. But a for instance about not being allowed curative care under hospice is that he has an appointment with a cardiac surgeon about opening up one of his clogged carotid arteries, which is not something that would be possible under hospice.
Christina ~ Home health care and hospice are different programs. Read what I wrote the Lilliput about hospice. Home health care is provided for your mom because of the wound care. My husband wouldn't be eligible for long-term home health care, because he has no medical issue. He did, however, have physical, occupational and speech therapy, along with a visiting nurse and aide for personal grooming (baths) when he was released from rehab. Patients can take advantage of that benefit as long as they are making progress. My husband had reached a plateau, so that benefit was about to end when he had this last stroke.
As long as there is no medical issue, such as broken hip or wound, the journey goes;
*Taken to ER because of stroke.
*Admitted to ICU
*Moved to regular unit for a few days
*Moved to NH rehab for max of 100 days
*If patient can be taken care of at home, discharged to home with home health care as described above until max recovery reached.
*If family can't take care of patient at home, NH placement, paid by Medicare or self-pay
*If family can't meet Medicare eligibility or doesn't have money for self-pay, patient/family is shit out of luck.
Now...that topic depresses me. Moving on.
Christina ~ I think Dukakis was about 60 when the movie was made, but anyway you notice I amended my comment by noting that she's too old. In the movie, she's feisty and quick-witted like you. Never mind. It was a bad idea. She was also cantankerous, which certainly isn't you.
Lilliput ~ You also asked if Alan is a vet. He is, but, there again, we don't meet the income eligibility. We're certainly not rolling in dough, but Medicare and the VA set the bar pretty low. They aren't programs for the middle class.
As cruise director, I take my job seriously.
Does anyone have news about Lindaheart? I am worried...
This ALF charges by the room. If is spouse is joining the resident, there is a slight increase. They set aside rooms for Medicaid as well. They worked with me in regard to Mom's income and their yearly increases are very reasonable. The director was very "hands on" which helped because she visited all the residents and knew what was going on in the entire facility. My friend's Mom is planning on living at the same ALF. I was surprised that they worked with her because she has no assets and very little income. But, as I said before, if the directors are good at what they do, they want to fill rooms and will work with you.
Same with hospice. Another friend told me that his Gma had been in hospice for two years before she passed. If you go online you will find a list of "qualifying" illnesses. As 195Austin mentioned, hospice rules are more inclusive now and are just not for end of life issues. Again, ask around and get a referral to a good hospice then call the director. (Doctors know very little about this process, or they will send you to the one associated with the hospital...not always the best choice.) The director will let you know if your hub would qualify. If he/she thinks he will, they will send him to their doctor who knows more about qualifying.
You are right about palliative care...but that includes a lot: personal care aides, PTs (for mobility), RXs, medical supplies, etc. They will bring all the equipment that is needed for care to your home. I think the reasoning is: why place someone in the hospital or in a NH if they can be taken care of at home with a little help. Makes sense to me.
My grandfather used to say, "it doesn't hurt to ask." If you do not get the answers you need at one place, try the next. So much of caregiving is "foot work" and tracking down services.
Write to me on my wall if you need more info. (also, is you hub a veteran?)
Good luck,
Lilli
Is home health nurse the same as hospice? One comes to see my Mother twice a week for wound care. That is one requirement. Yesterday I noticed that my Mother's legs have no more muscle tone. I can't believe it. The last PT came twice a week for a month, got her standing, but she cannot move her feet anymore. She says, OK, then message is not getting from brain to legs:( but, she is enjoying our daily walks and songfest. Difficult to get info back to me from caregivers-- I have to call nurse who gives me report. I think she is efficient. I notice the caregivers are a little jumpy when I come over now, as the other day they wanted to show me fungus on her foot. I said, where is the bottle of cider vinegar I brought over here with her? I took care of her so well. They are not that busy over there, but as with some, guess they don't want to work as hard as we do. Wish I had the money I pay them every month, and wish they understood when I ask them to do a couple of simple things for her. I am there every day. Once in a while they have a hectic moment, but not very often. Well, I feel I am doing the best I can with everything that we have gone through. No regrets.
Hey Sheila! Geeze, how old do you think I am?! Olympia Dukakis? Please, I'm a Conservative, and a very young 60, which I believe we call "40" now. I will have to watch the movie, as I am not familiar with her character. Maybe it was a compliment? It was one of those hyped cult classics that I avoid until the glamor wears off. Guess that would be now, since mine has worn off, too. I didn't see
ET until 1996. Haha. I'm a rebel.
Love you all. Construction still going on and it is a mess. Lovely day outside, however, and no school today, so I'm off to the bridle trail. Ttyl. Xo
Huts and kisses to y'll and prayers for y'll.
Sheila: I have seen it all with the docs. My favorite was wanting my Mom, who is 84 and can barely walk, to come for weekly visits...or the lovely front office staff who would not refill her Rx for a UTI because the "doctor had to see her." When I told one young woman about Mom's challenges of getting to a doctor's office, she told me to "call an ambulance" to transport her. We moved on. It isn't that there are no compassionate medical professionals out there, it is just that we have to wade through all the jerks before we find them...then, they are usually booked up.
Btw, have you spoken with directors at your local ALFs? I ask this because my friend's Mom, whose income could not cover the fees, qualified for Medicaid. They set aside so many rooms. Or sometimes they accept the income the resident has as payment. Bottom line, is that they want to fill rooms. If you haven't already, it may be worth speaking with the ALF and see if they have any such programs. Speak with the director, NOT the sales person who will promise you anything. Good luck. Also, if your husband is in severe enough physical and mental condition, he may qualify for hospice. You do not have to be in the end stages of life to receive care. There are 7 or so ailments that qualify. Again, call a good hospice and speak with the director. You need a big ol break. good luck
Bee: glad that coming here has lowered your BP...we'll send you the bill... :o) It just takes a little humor once and awhile (dark humor too)...and knowing that you are not alone.
Lilli
Oh.... and there has been a real physical difference in me since starting here. Today, my blood pressure was normal for the first time in a looooonnnngggg time. Okay, we've made some dietary adjustment (I lost 3 lbs because I'm eating better). But I'm really sure this crew is helping me manage my stress level. So, my heart thanks you in so many ways!
Today I began looking into Assisted Living facilities for Mom. It's just for the information at this point as I have a whole lot more to do - including make an agenda for my silbling meeting. This is going to take a while. I'm grateful for the insights I find here.
Thanks everyone! Big Shitofrantic huts to everyone! - rofl - Love you all! Bee
Lilliput ~ Do I ever know you you mean about clueless professionals. Alan had a speech therapist that was focused on Alan's making a calendar and having a reality of the day of the week "so he can make his own appointments and help pay bills". He didn't even know how to dial a phone, didn't know his doctors' names, sometimes didn't even believe he was in his own house...well, you get the picture.
Gotta get going to an appointment with the chiropracter. I've been going since Alan was hospitalized the day before Thanksgiving. My back, arms and shoulders were so tense and out of whack from fistycuffs with Alan that there's still a long way to go before I'm "fixed". I've gotta get better before Alan's discharged.
Huts and kisses to y'all.
It's very annoying when the so called professionals have to be told how to do their jobs! Bee, see if you can hire someone different, perhaps you can convince your siblings to all join forces to bully/make your Mom accept help, that way it's not all your doing... BEEcareful not to take it all on yourself because they are hesitant, if you can throw a fit and tell them you demand them to share the responsibility, you can do it! Whatever happens you know we are here for you.
Kimmy, what's going on today? talk to us :)
Christina, people who take pictures of their relatives when they are dead, they are not uncommon. I think it's awful and I am lucky I always manage to forget the image of my loved ones, dead. I always remember them alive! Selective memory.
I noticed several folks asking about how to go about creating POAs. It really is not that difficult.
You can see an attorney and have them do it. The cost can be anywhere from a few hundred dollars and up. If you choose this route, find an attorney who specializes in edler law.
I just went online and found a great site that allows you to download the forms (this is what your attorney does too....they are all standardized.) The site I used was called, Legacy Writers. What I liked about this site is that they have updated forms, by state. You can make as many copies as you like and they store your info. for later use or if you need to make changes. It took me just a few minutes and was MUCH less expensive.
You will need two different forms: a medical POA and a financial POA. Either way, make several "official" copies. Some doctor's offices or hospitals want originals.
Also, each state has it's own "filing" requirements, some have none. This information is on the website too.
I carried a copy of Mom's Medical POA just in case of emergencies.
POAs give you no legal power to make any decisions outside of what you and your parent have agreed upon. They are enacted when the parent is incapacitated in anyway. There are two kinds: one with an unlimited time frame and another that says that the POA cannot be used until the parent is incapable of making sound decisions.
And that's about it....nothing scary.
The family meeting is an excellent idea. Do not take on any of this responsibility before you are satisfied with the results. Remember, that everyone makes promises at first...follow through is another matter.
good luck
Lilli
"huts" to you too.... "o)
Cuz, thanks for the egg, carrot and coffee story. Cricket and Christina, you are both so inspiring here.
The final arrangement line has been fun, thought provoking and inspiriing. You guys are one heck of a group. Someone should write a screen play: the community with all of the underlying stories and bylines would make a great relevant made for tv movie, don't you think?
In fact, it could be a tv series. There's enough material here for years of air time filled with life lessons, laughter, drama and real raw emotion. Not reality tv, mind you. More like Hallmark stories. Any writers onboard?
The VN's will stop seeing Mom next week I was told last night. Do you believe this: at 10:20 last night Mom's case manager from the medical in home service called. "No emergency", she said, "I just wanted to talk with you."
The gist of the conversation "Your Mom is a difficult case. One minute she's right on target and the next she's saying she has to get dinner made for her husband and kids". (Like I haven't told her this before?) Then she proceeded to tell me she hates to close Mom's case because she doesn't want to leave her alone and I should move her in with me. The rest of the lecture was intended to invoke guilt.
Well, that was a wasted hour of my life and her breath. I don't feel guilty and I want to thank all of your for giving me the gifts of your experience, insights, comfort and support. Without you I would likely have had a sleepless night and be feeling really crappy right now.
Instead, I slept well with a resolve to have a family conference call with my siblings after I've firmed up some information and ideas. It will take me some time to get there, I'm sure.
To all of our new friends, this is the power and strenght you can draw from the venting, sharing and support you will find here. A few months ago, I might have folded in tears after last night's phone conversation. I know I have some difficult discussions with my siblings ahead of me, but, heck, I have you to vent with!
Love the lyrics, Christina! You are a hoot!
Love and (((huts))) to all of you! Bee