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So, what is the answer for Diane?! It seems some people only deal in black or white, all or nothing. I think you need a mediator, Diane, to find the best compromise for your well-being, and for your Mom's care, with brother accepting his dose of reality. You may not be able to have everything the way you think is best for your Mom, but you must give yourself equal consideration.
Very nice story, Sheila! Diane, I am sorry but I expected something like this. "They" can't stand for 1 (one) night what we stand 365 days out of 365. If I were you I would say to your brother: "As the doctor told me I need to rest for a few days, and you can't keep our mother at your place, please pay a person who stays at my house for a few days, 24/7, so I can rest and you won't have any trouble". I bet he would say "No" to this solution, too....
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.
To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.
My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'
'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut.
'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.
'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health..
Diane, maybe that would be the best thing. Sometimes you have to cut your losses, or lose it all. There are worse things. Sit down with them and open your mind to other options. You will survive it and carry on with dignity. I wish you the best and pray for your peace. Love, Christina xo
My rest period has been shot to hell already! What a surprise. Mom has kept my brother and SIL up all night and is completely disoriented. He called at 9am saying we need to bring mum back home. He has asked me to find a sitter for tonight and tomorrow night so I can get rest, but she needs to come home. Now he is ready to sell my mothers house and put mom in a NH. I'm not sure what I am feeling right now. Confused, dazed and bewildered. Maybe I should take a xanax and go back to bed.
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently a funeral director asked me to play at the gravesite service for a homeless man with no family. It was to be held at a paupers' cemetery way out in the country. Not familiar with the backroads, I got lost. An hour late, I finally arrived and saw that evedently the funeral guy had gone. The hearse was nowhere in sight. Only the diggers and the crew were left, and they were eating their lunch. I felt bad and called out an apology to the men for being late. I walked over to the graveside, looked down, and saw the vault lid already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches. I played heart and soul for that man with no family or friends. As I played "Amazing Grace," the workers started to weep. In fact, we all wept togather. Finally I packed up my bagpipes and headed for my car with a full heart. As I opened the car door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothing like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Golf ~ Offended by your comment? Never. Alan's antics weren't so funny at the time, but eventually you've gotta laugh--or go crazy!
Bee ~ My kitchen looks like yours does now all the time. Before my role as caregiver, it would have driven me nuts. Now I'm too tired to care.
Christina ~ Why would I want to stop you for your eating junk and watching rubbish. I'd rather invite myself over and keep you company. I'll bring the libations. Partay!
January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...Box said ' 2-4 years!'
April Trapped on escalator for hours ... Power went out!!!
May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions..8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June Tried to go water skiing..... Couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms!!!
August Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.
September The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel.
November Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days...Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December Couldn't call 911. 'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and Stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?' To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
Prejean and Boudreaux were fishing in the Bayou when Prejean pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Boudreaux for a light.
'Ya, ma fren, I tink I haff a lighter,' Boudreaux replied with a Cajun accent, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
'Holy shit, man!' exclaimed Prejean, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. 'Where'd yew git dat monster?'
'Well,' replied Boudreaux, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a Genie?' Prejean asked.
'Ya, ma fren. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Boudreaux.
'Could I see him?'
Boudreaux opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, Prejean says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good buddy of your master. Will you grant me one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Prejean asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Prejean sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the Louisiana sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks Prejean yells at Boudreaux, 'What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Boudreaux answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'
Christine, you are definitely the best cruise director, but I am in the running for most clumsy. I cut a big chunk out of my thumb trying to slice sweet potatoes for Christmas dinner. And, my husband bought me a pistal, last fall, for a Christmas present.(What was he thinking) I'm afraid to load it. I think he thought I would need some sort of protection after he was gone? But, really, I have 2 of the ugliest dogs you ever saw. Between them, they would lick an intruder to death, and then sit on them. The 2 together weigh over 150 pounds. I think I will get rid of the gun. Dorothy is adorable. Puppies are a lot of work sometimes, but worth it. Hope everyone is getting some well deserved rest.
Sheila, yes, ask the doctors to help you find the right medicine and the right dosage for your husband. You really need your life a little bit less complicated. There is always that balancement, where the person you take care of is not asleep or numb, but he is not crazy either... It took months for me to find out which was the right dosage for my mother, so that she could still enjoy life and we didn't become nuts. Linda, no, I don't have Heathcliff (Bandit2) anymore. He killed one of my cats 2 days ago, and after 2 hours he was already in a dog shelter. The young people who run the shelter are good people, they are taking good care of him (it is a private structure and you have to pay to keep the dog inside) and they are already looking for a new family for him. I couldn't allow him to kill my cats. Cats for me are as important as dogs. In the same shelter I adopted Dorothy, the same day. She is a very mixed breed, Golf. She is not a puppy, she is more or less 3 years old. She leaves my cats alone and this is the only thing I need... Diane I am curious. Will your brother actually help you or he will find some excuses? "I am sorry, these days I really can't, I have a lot of work, maybe in a few weeks..." Carolyn as you know my story with my mother was very similar to yours. My mother was in control of her money until some years ago. She took money from the ATM. But one day she called my brother and she said: "The ATM doesn't give me money anymore" and my brother checked and saw she had spent all her monthly salary/pension in one week. Later we found out that she gave 50 euros to every person she knew, as a little present (my mother has always been very generous) so she money finished very soon! When my brother understood what was going on, he had no other choice than take control of my mother's money. At first, he gave her a small quantity of money every 2-3 days, so that she could go shopping, but after a little while he realized that she couldn't even handle small sums of money, and she was literally starving because she had no money to go to the grocery... And that was the end, from that moment on my brother had to take total control of my mother's finances. And she managed to get in trouble anyway, because she threw away the bills so my brother couldn't pay them... Long long story. It is sad to take their things away from their hands, but sooner or later you have to do it!
Hi all, Oh it's been such a long day and I'm beat. It's so good to read everyone's posts. I'm to tired to respond to them tonight so I will say nighty night and see you in the morning.... now to go find my heat pack. Love and prayers for all of you... pass those around :)
Way to go, Diane's Mom's Doctor. Prayer works:) good you were able to walk in and not be carried in, Diane! If I were there I'd make you a big batch of chicken noodle soup. Make some! In regard to everyone wishing Jen would write more: we can encourage people to do many things, but if a creative person is empty, there is not much to create. Must fill up the vessel until it overflows. Sending a deluge of wishes to you, Jen. You are so talented, and I would love to see/read your play. It is a treasure we will have to wait for. Home alone tonight cause hubby's in Vegas having a meeting. I'm going to " eat junk and watch rubbish" and somebody's gonna have to come stop me! Eha ha ha! Love you, I'm reading a new book called, "My Abandonment", by Peter Rock. Kind of scary. MBBL. Love, Christina xo
Took mom to the doctor today and the doc saw I was physically and mentally worn out between mom and the flu. She called my brother and told him he had to take care of mom for a few days and let me get some rest. Thank you Lord!!!!!! When I finish typing this message I am going to have a shower and go to bed.
Christina-I would also nominate you as most intuitive! I did sleep hard when I fell asleep Wednesday night! Thursday morning! Hannah is doing well with driving as long as she doesn't have PMS! When she has PMS and driving, she is the Wicked Witch of the Mid-West! I try to tell her she is too close to the edge and she gets this look on her face says nothing and starts driving faster! When I think about it it's hilarious, but there in the car........Terrifying!! Last night could not sleep even though Ron was home! Up and down watching I Love Lucy! Finally around 7am fell asleep! Ron just let me sleep! Noon when I got up! Yes Christina you should be nominated for director!
Cricket-I will take that nomination for most difficult Dad! Last night he was refusing to sign his Social Security check! I would ask him and he would give me the look and shake his head no and throw the pen down on the counter! Later he signed. Ron and I told him we can't afford to pay for his Meds and other needs out of pocket! He refused to give me power of attorney a long time ago! Now I think I am going to try to get guardianship, because he is developing a tremor in his right hand! Driving me crazy! For the past 11 years has not contributed anything to running of the household! Went through a spell when he refused to write checks for his medical bills from rehab and hospital! Control issues always!........I nominate you for most creative! Most positive too cause you are always lifting us up!
Linda-Sounds like Pa is happy again now that he is back home! Hospitals are scary and docs should never say negative things in front of patients! When Mom was in the hospital, they would start that shit and I would make them leave and talk to me in the conference room! Some of those idiots need a kick in the ass!! A big old Shitofrantic kick in the ass! Thanks for your kind words the other day when I was losing my mind!
Sheila-When Dad first moved in I bought a new couch. Had not had a new couch for years! I was so excited when they delivered it! Anyway 10 minutes later something looked weird on one of the arms! It was scotch tape that was colored in blue! Dad had come down with a cigarette and made a hole in the couch! He had my daughter who was six at the time I think color the tape blue! I was so mad! I was so mad that I couldn't say anything! I just went up to my room and screamed! Hannah of course was proud of herself because she "helped" Poppy fix it! LOL I can so relate to your table being destroyed!
Rosella-Love Dorothy's picture! She has sweetness in her eyes! Hope life starts getting easier for you! You have had a really bad patch! It will get better! Tide needs to change for you now!
Lilli-I agree that Western Medicine isn't what it's cracked up to be! It is really screwed up! Top 1% get the best care and the rest of us sitting ducks! It is a shame!
Ann and Diane- hope you are feeling better!
Jenn- Thanks for the laugh!
Brain is foggy! Just know I love and appreciate every single one of you! Will probably be off and on for a bit cause we are laying floor in the apartment! Wish me luck today! So far so good! I nominate myself for most accident prone! Big pronie! XXOO Kimbo,Kimmy,Kimmie,Kim
Speaking of Happiness: Henry David Thoreau said: "Happiness is like a butterfly, The more you chase it, the more it eludes you; but if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder." I did not know it was he who coined that particular phrase, but I remembered a similar verse from the 70s. It is an form of psychology that seems to work for many things in life, and I think I used that example a while back, writing about something. Does that make me a plagiarist? Now I am feeling guilty. What you don't know can't hurt you. Like if you don't know something is wrong, then are you innocent? Ah Ha!!! got you thinking . You thought I was going to be serious. Nope. I found a good quote about boats and optimism this morning: Zig Ziglar, one of my most favorite motivational speakers said: "I'm so optimistic, I'd go after Moby Dick in a row boat and take the tartar sauce with me." All I could think was , EWwww!!! Ewwwwww! No tuna for me today!!! But I eat it plain, no mayo or anything but a little lemon juice and romaine. I should weigh 120 by now, but I don't, so another day of trying, another day of doing my best, waiting for school to start Monday. Cricket, I am practicing my affirmations everyday, all day: "The fat is melting away. I am fit, I am beautiful." Well, my mirror was laughing, but I did not let it get me down or run for the potato chips. haha I don't have any chips in the house:) It's another Unbelievable day on the southern left coast! Not as warm as yesterday--it was 78 at 4 pm. I've already been for my walk and taken Mother her Metamucil and prescriptions, but will visit her in afternoon, cause she sleeps every day after breakfast until after lunch! After the 2 rounds of antibiotics, it is weird how she is so much better?! I am grateful. Caroly, my house is torn up too, but now as much as yours. Next week we have the hot water rerouted through the walls, new floor in family room, and dry wall and painting to be done. It's OK, because Hubby is a contractor and gets the best guys to do the work. so much dust. I'll run my air purifier and be at school, go to the library and read. Cute puppy, Rosella. Precious. I appreciate the love you all have for your puppies, as my cat and I run the other way. haha. My brother has a fantastic dog, but that's all he has. As children, we were not allowed to have dogs, so just as I was always alone, I learned to be more comfortable and learned to prefer no dogs, being alone. At this time, it is not something I want to embrace, but maybe someday. woof. Have a great day everyone! Oh no-- Cruise director? That is a lot of responsibility! Ok, let's get moving with some activities!! Let's head to the bar! Whoo Hoo! Love you girls, and a great Cuz. Hugs, Christina xo
Good morning. What a cute puppy Rosella. My mom's name is Dorothy! What breed is she? Linda, I'm sorry you are going through all this. I'm new here but I see you have a powerful support system. Prayers to you and Pa. I'm sorry everyones going through this. Sheila, I hope I didn't offend you with my post last night....your story just hit my tickle bone and I needed a good laugh. But I know it is not funny. BYW, I just saw a movie or show where they made grilled cheese with an iron instead of a stove.
G'morning all. We have sun today! Yeah!! Linda, Ro, Cricket, Chris, Cuz, JS, Bobbie, Lilli, Mis, SS, et al....you guys are quite the mates! I cast my vote for Christina as the Cruise Director. I think, Chris, you have to have a "Mike Night" regularly so that cuz can exercise his funny bone for all of us.
So much going on this week. Mom is really upset about the IH caregiver and say she wants her own home back to herself. But she did say she won't "kick her out" so I guess that's a good sign.
One of the VN's, an occupational therapist, told Mom they are concerned about her memory. I wish she hadn't said that. It's one of Mom's buttons - she now feels more paranoid that we are ALL watching all the "mistakes" she's making. It makes me feel very sad. I wish I could give her a hug but instead all I can do is try to cheer her up and eventually have to hang up the phone.
Finances are becoming an issue with Mom. She is paranoid about the checkbook - and she can't do the math very well. Mom was always math challenged so you can imagine how bad it is now. Unfortunately, I have to help her balance the checkbook on the phone. We use the speaker phone so she can have her hands free - and then she thinks I'm nearby so she points at things for me to "see". Sometimes, she holds things up to the window because she thinks I'm outside. It's so sad and horribly frustrating. By the time I hang up I'm ready for a stiff drink.
Oh, Chris, to answer your question, my lens is pretty good. I go back to the specialist on Tuesday for a "new and improved" version of the lens. I can actually see snowflakes again! With a little luck, she'll sign the form for the state so I can eventually start driving again. It may be a restricted license (no night driving) but I can live with that.
I'm seething this mornning. The contractor called and won't get here today. The contents of the cabinets are all over the dining room side boards and whatever flat surfaces I found. It's going to be this way until the job is finished "sometime next week". URRRRGGGG
This day just keeps getting better. I have to go over the bank statement with Mom over the phone. I'll procrastinate for an hour or so and then have to bite the bullet and make the call. I'll check back here later today for a dose of reality and some laughs. xoxoxox Love you all! Bee
good mornin u all . stinks in here , dog smell , barf . i shall scrub and clean . waiting for hospices to get back here . pa s lookin good , perky perky . rossella - love ur new doggie . do u still have the other one that likes to destory ur house ? BANDIT #2 ? you al are so funny . manages to smile thru out all this . love you tons !! xoxo
Yes, Roselle, the last neurologist (I keep switching trying to find one I like) put him on Seroquel, but it didn't seem to make much difference. I asked her for something else or different, and she said I had to take him to a psychiatrist. I was in the process of finding a psychiatrist that specializes in Alzheimer's/dementia when he had his 3rd stroke. I didn't want to give him something that would make him less alert, but it's moot now, because he pretty much talks nonsense now. All of the people he talks about are those that he worked with 20 years ago as if they are currently in his life. Tonight most of the conversation was about our getting a new Chrysler, and whether several of those people are getting new Chryslers. I'll be following up with the psychiatrist from the NH he's in currently.
Oh my Sheila... I guess you have to be very tired and always with the fire extinguisher in one hand. They are so creative... I think I already told that my mother found 2 syringes in my car (we had to use them to give her antibiotics) and she put them in the boots I use to walk the dogs. And when I put on the boots, I found the syringes... I am lucky they were still in the packaging. She makes huge messes when we go to a café (she puts ketchup in the coffee, 22 bags of sugar in her tea.... things like this, if you don't stop her). I know it is an obvious question, but did the doctors gave you a medicine to calm him down - a little bit? I know we couldn't live without the good old Seroquel. My mother is awake during the day but she is manageable... Let me know how you handle things!
A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'? The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'? The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine. Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And her, what is she doing'? The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails. Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane ... And nothing obscene is happening! The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man'? The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir'. The trooper asks: 'And her, .... what's her age'? The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 10 minutes..
Hi again, the movie was boring. Christine would be a great cruise director! fun fun fun!! Christine how about getting Antonio Banderas to sing to us? hell just get him for eye candy! Or Johnny Depp!! Meow!!!
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Diane, I am sorry but I expected something like this. "They" can't stand for 1 (one) night what we stand 365 days out of 365. If I were you I would say to your brother: "As the doctor told me I need to rest for a few days, and you can't keep our mother at your place, please pay a person who stays at my house for a few days, 24/7, so I can rest and you won't have any trouble". I bet he would say "No" to this solution, too....
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.
To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.
My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'
'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut.
'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.
'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health..
I can't wait until next Christmas.
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently a funeral director
asked me to play at the gravesite service for a homeless man
with no family. It was to be held at a paupers' cemetery way
out in the country. Not familiar with the backroads, I got lost.
An hour late, I finally arrived and saw that evedently the
funeral guy had gone. The hearse was nowhere in sight.
Only the diggers and the crew were left, and they were eating their
lunch.
I felt bad and called out an apology to the men for being late.
I walked over to the graveside, looked down, and saw the vault
lid already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started
to play.
The workers put down their lunches. I played heart and soul for
that man with no family or friends. As I played "Amazing Grace,"
the workers started to weep. In fact, we all wept togather.
Finally I packed up my bagpipes and headed for my car
with a full heart.
As I opened the car door, I heard one of the workers say,
"I never seen nothing like that before, and I've been
putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Bee ~ My kitchen looks like yours does now all the time. Before my role as caregiver, it would have driven me nuts. Now I'm too tired to care.
Christina ~ Why would I want to stop you for your eating junk and watching rubbish. I'd rather invite myself over and keep you company. I'll bring the libations. Partay!
luvCuz
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...Box said ' 2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions..8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.....
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel.
November
Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days...Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and Stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)
'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
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Prejean and Boudreaux were fishing in the
Bayou when Prejean pulled out a cigar. Finding he had
no matches, he asked Boudreaux for a light.
'Ya, ma fren, I tink I haff a lighter,'
Boudreaux replied with a Cajun
accent, and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
'Holy shit, man!' exclaimed Prejean, taking
the huge Bic Lighter in his hands.
'Where'd yew git dat monster?'
'Well,' replied Boudreaux,
'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a Genie?' Prejean asked.
'Ya, ma fren. It's right here in my tackle
box,' says Boudreaux.
'Could I see him?'
Boudreaux opens his tackle box and
sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, Prejean says,
'Hey dere! I'm a good buddy of
your master. Will you grant me
one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Prejean asks the Genie for a
million bucks. The Genie disappears
back into the tackle box leaving
Prejean sitting there waiting for his million
bucks.
Shortly, the Louisiana sky
darkens and is filled with the sound of
a million ducks....flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks
Prejean yells at Boudreaux,
'What the hell? I asked for a million
bucks, not a million ducks!'
Boudreaux answers,
'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie
is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink
I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'
Dorothy is adorable. Puppies are a lot of work sometimes, but worth it. Hope everyone is getting some well deserved rest.
Linda, no, I don't have Heathcliff (Bandit2) anymore. He killed one of my cats 2 days ago, and after 2 hours he was already in a dog shelter. The young people who run the shelter are good people, they are taking good care of him (it is a private structure and you have to pay to keep the dog inside) and they are already looking for a new family for him. I couldn't allow him to kill my cats. Cats for me are as important as dogs. In the same shelter I adopted Dorothy, the same day. She is a very mixed breed, Golf. She is not a puppy, she is more or less 3 years old. She leaves my cats alone and this is the only thing I need...
Diane I am curious. Will your brother actually help you or he will find some excuses? "I am sorry, these days I really can't, I have a lot of work, maybe in a few weeks..."
Carolyn as you know my story with my mother was very similar to yours. My mother was in control of her money until some years ago. She took money from the ATM. But one day she called my brother and she said: "The ATM doesn't give me money anymore" and my brother checked and saw she had spent all her monthly salary/pension in one week. Later we found out that she gave 50 euros to every person she knew, as a little present (my mother has always been very generous) so she money finished very soon! When my brother understood what was going on, he had no other choice than take control of my mother's money. At first, he gave her a small quantity of money every 2-3 days, so that she could go shopping, but after a little while he realized that she couldn't even handle small sums of money, and she was literally starving because she had no money to go to the grocery... And that was the end, from that moment on my brother had to take total control of my mother's finances. And she managed to get in trouble anyway, because she threw away the bills so my brother couldn't pay them...
Long long story. It is sad to take their things away from their hands, but sooner or later you have to do it!
In regard to everyone wishing Jen would write more: we can encourage people
to do many things, but if a creative person is empty, there is not much to create.
Must fill up the vessel until it overflows. Sending a deluge of wishes to you, Jen.
You are so talented, and I would love to see/read your play. It is a treasure we will have to wait for.
Home alone tonight cause hubby's in Vegas having a meeting. I'm going to " eat junk and watch rubbish" and somebody's gonna have to come stop me! Eha ha ha! Love you, I'm reading a new book called, "My Abandonment", by Peter Rock.
Kind of scary. MBBL. Love, Christina xo
Have a good night my dear friends.
Love ya,
Diane
Cricket-I will take that nomination for most difficult Dad! Last night he was refusing to sign his Social Security check! I would ask him and he would give me the look and shake his head no and throw the pen down on the counter! Later he signed. Ron and I told him we can't afford to pay for his Meds and other needs out of pocket! He refused to give me power of attorney a long time ago! Now I think I am going to try to get guardianship, because he is developing a tremor in his right hand! Driving me crazy! For the past 11 years has not contributed anything to running of the household! Went through a spell when he refused to write checks for his medical bills from rehab and hospital! Control issues always!........I nominate you for most creative! Most positive too cause you are always lifting us up!
Linda-Sounds like Pa is happy again now that he is back home! Hospitals are scary and docs should never say negative things in front of patients! When Mom was in the hospital, they would start that shit and I would make them leave and talk to me in the conference room! Some of those idiots need a kick in the ass!! A big old Shitofrantic kick in the ass! Thanks for your kind words the other day when I was losing my mind!
Sheila-When Dad first moved in I bought a new couch. Had not had a new couch for years! I was so excited when they delivered it! Anyway 10 minutes later something looked weird on one of the arms! It was scotch tape that was colored in blue! Dad had come down with a cigarette and made a hole in the couch! He had my daughter who was six at the time I think color the tape blue! I was so mad! I was so mad that I couldn't say anything! I just went up to my room and screamed! Hannah of course was proud of herself because she "helped" Poppy fix it! LOL I can so relate to your table being destroyed!
Rosella-Love Dorothy's picture! She has sweetness in her eyes! Hope life starts getting easier for you! You have had a really bad patch! It will get better! Tide needs to change for you now!
Lilli-I agree that Western Medicine isn't what it's cracked up to be! It is really screwed up! Top 1% get the best care and the rest of us sitting ducks! It is a shame!
Ann and Diane- hope you are feeling better!
Jenn- Thanks for the laugh!
Brain is foggy! Just know I love and appreciate every single one of you! Will probably be off and on for a bit cause we are laying floor in the apartment! Wish me luck today! So far so good! I nominate myself for most accident prone! Big pronie! XXOO Kimbo,Kimmy,Kimmie,Kim
I did not know it was he who coined that particular phrase, but I remembered a similar verse from the 70s. It is an form of psychology that seems to work for many things in life, and I think I used that example a while back, writing about something. Does that make me a plagiarist? Now I am feeling guilty. What you don't know can't hurt you. Like if you don't know something is wrong, then are you innocent?
Ah Ha!!! got you thinking . You thought I was going to be serious. Nope. I found a good quote about boats and optimism this morning: Zig Ziglar, one of my most favorite motivational speakers said: "I'm so optimistic, I'd go after Moby Dick in a row boat and take the tartar sauce with me."
All I could think was , EWwww!!! Ewwwwww! No tuna for me today!!! But I eat it plain, no mayo or anything but a little lemon juice and romaine. I should weigh 120 by now, but I don't, so another day of trying, another day of doing my best, waiting for school to start Monday.
Cricket, I am practicing my affirmations everyday, all day: "The fat is melting away. I am fit, I am beautiful." Well, my mirror was laughing, but I did not let it get me down or run for the potato chips. haha I don't have any chips in the house:)
It's another Unbelievable day on the southern left coast! Not as warm as yesterday--it was 78 at 4 pm. I've already been for my walk and taken Mother her Metamucil and prescriptions, but will visit her in afternoon, cause she sleeps every day after breakfast until after lunch! After the 2 rounds of antibiotics, it is weird how she is so much better?! I am grateful.
Caroly, my house is torn up too, but now as much as yours. Next week we have the hot water rerouted through the walls, new floor in family room, and dry wall and painting to be done. It's OK, because Hubby is a contractor and gets the best guys to do the work. so much dust. I'll run my air purifier and be at school, go to the library and read.
Cute puppy, Rosella. Precious. I appreciate the love you all have for your puppies, as my cat and I run the other way. haha. My brother has a fantastic dog, but that's all he has. As children, we were not allowed to have dogs, so just as I was always alone, I learned to be more comfortable and learned to prefer no dogs, being alone. At this time, it is not something I want to embrace, but maybe someday. woof.
Have a great day everyone! Oh no-- Cruise director? That is a lot of responsibility! Ok, let's get moving with some activities!! Let's head to the bar! Whoo Hoo!
Love you girls, and a great Cuz. Hugs, Christina xo
What breed is she? Linda, I'm sorry you are going through all this. I'm new here but I see you have a powerful support system. Prayers to you and Pa.
I'm sorry everyones going through this. Sheila, I hope I didn't offend you with my post last night....your story just hit my tickle bone and I needed a good laugh. But I know it is not funny.
BYW, I just saw a movie or show where they made grilled cheese with an iron instead of a stove.
Linda, Ro, Cricket, Chris, Cuz, JS, Bobbie, Lilli, Mis, SS, et al....you guys are quite the mates! I cast my vote for Christina as the Cruise Director. I think, Chris, you have to have a "Mike Night" regularly so that cuz can exercise his funny bone for all of us.
So much going on this week. Mom is really upset about the IH caregiver and say she wants her own home back to herself. But she did say she won't "kick her out" so I guess that's a good sign.
One of the VN's, an occupational therapist, told Mom they are concerned about her memory. I wish she hadn't said that. It's one of Mom's buttons - she now feels more paranoid that we are ALL watching all the "mistakes" she's making. It makes me feel very sad. I wish I could give her a hug but instead all I can do is try to cheer her up and eventually have to hang up the phone.
Finances are becoming an issue with Mom. She is paranoid about the checkbook - and she can't do the math very well. Mom was always math challenged so you can imagine how bad it is now. Unfortunately, I have to help her balance the checkbook on the phone. We use the speaker phone so she can have her hands free - and then she thinks I'm nearby so she points at things for me to "see". Sometimes, she holds things up to the window because she thinks I'm outside. It's so sad and horribly frustrating. By the time I hang up I'm ready for a stiff drink.
Oh, Chris, to answer your question, my lens is pretty good. I go back to the specialist on Tuesday for a "new and improved" version of the lens. I can actually see snowflakes again! With a little luck, she'll sign the form for the state so I can eventually start driving again. It may be a restricted license (no night driving) but I can live with that.
I'm seething this mornning. The contractor called and won't get here today. The contents of the cabinets are all over the dining room side boards and whatever flat surfaces I found. It's going to be this way until the job is finished "sometime next week". URRRRGGGG
This day just keeps getting better. I have to go over the bank statement with Mom over the phone. I'll procrastinate for an hour or so and then have to bite the bullet and make the call. I'll check back here later today for a dose of reality and some laughs. xoxoxox Love you all! Bee
stinks in here , dog smell , barf . i shall scrub and clean .
waiting for hospices to get back here .
pa s lookin good , perky perky .
rossella - love ur new doggie . do u still have the other one that likes to destory ur house ? BANDIT #2 ?
you al are so funny . manages to smile thru out all this . love you tons !! xoxo
A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a
young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately
notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and
gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'?
The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'?
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says:
'And her, what is she doing'?
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.
Now, the trooper is totally confused.
A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane ...
And nothing obscene is happening!
The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man'?
The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir'.
The trooper asks: 'And her, .... what's her age'?
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 10 minutes..
Two rednecks are sitting on the front porch.
One says, "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!