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There's no getting me outa the house.... I am doomed doomed doomed...He is in the bathroom.... CHILI last night....we will all be dead in five four three two.......
LindaHeart, xoxoxoxo Tell the doctor to order a home blood test. They will send tech to the house. Pa has Tricare, I hope? They pay for everything. That's right, Linda, tell those bastards to "come and get it". Leave Pa alone and let him rest. Tickle tickle. Man, I can't remember the last time I got tickled, but I can live without it. Thanks anyway:D Just think if Lilli and I were traveling all over the continent and making agencies tow the line. I have my machine gun, she has her calculator, our brazen attitudes. This country would run a whole lot better. We'll take Jen with us and she can argue while we um, calculate. Get her out of the house. Huh, Jen?
Linda, I would absolutely refuse to take your poor pa out in this cold in his condition to see a doctor. That is just absurd!! They need to come take care of him. They can send someone to draw blood. Now is the time to make his and your lives as easy and pain free as possible. I wish I was there. I would tell them in no uncertain terms!! Man that pisses me off so much. Love You, Girlfriend. And, I love your new word (new to me anyways). shitofranic :))
Linda, the trick with all these services is to never take anything at face value if it doesn't feel right. They depend on you just nodding your head then doing everything yourself.
Hospice is a benefit for which your Dad and all of has worked for all of our lives. It isn't a "gift" so don't let the docs treat it that way. Docs no nothing of home care or what it takes to qualify for hospice. If they can't prescribe pills or surgery they haven't a clue.
You really have to fight for this for your Dad. It will give you respite to and let you concentrate on making him comfortable and happy. That is your job right now...let hospice do the rest. If you get the right company, they are great. They will bring all that he needs right to your home.
Good luck..let me know if you need any thing else....
Linda, you are so right. If they give you grief, about not bringing your Dad in, get an advocate with the dept of aging. That is who got the Doctor here to get off their butts and make a house call for my husband.
Hey Lilli! I saw that too! I figured I did NOT need Russel Stover marshmallow Santas or red and green peanut butter M&Ms. Ja wohl, Liebchen? Sheila: you are pretty normal, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm an expert. We are better than normal here, so get ready to be off the charts. Whoo Hoo! You know what? I have a "normal" sister. BORRRRINGGGG!!! We have depth, experience, and a strong survival instinct. We are a little like Angelina Jolie in Salt and Bruce Willis in Die Hard. With a pony in the room. Be proud, you are set apart. Remember the battle cry, "Fight! Fight! Never surrender"!! Whoo Hoo!
Linda, call one of the hospice companies directly and speak with the director. He or she will help you get all this "paperwork" done to get your Dad in hospice. They usually have their own doctor on staff who will qualify him. Your Dad may have to go to one more appt. unless the doctor will visit him at the hospital or home.
Blood tests???? Hasn't he had enough in the hospital???? Bleepity-bleep, these guys have ice water in their veins. Ask him how are you supposed to get your dad to all these things. Major A$$.
Linda, please see if you can get a referral to the best hospice co. in your area and call them tomorrow. They also have social workers on staff who can help you cut through the B.S. with the docs. Don't try to do it yourself and do not drag your Dad to all these tests until you find out.
Welcome Sheila. This group saved me. My stint as care giver, was fairly short, and I still went through all the emotions you are having. God didn't smite me (at least not yet).
Linda definitely put your foot down, your dad does not need to be drug all over town for their convenience!! You tell them that! Glad he is settled and you can be with him...
welcome shelia . we all blubber alot too . this is a place to open ur feelings out , dream , vent and go shitofranic . wooo !! you fit right in girlfriend :-) dad s perked up a lit this morning , reach over and tickled me . that made me giggle , oh pa u want me to tickle u too . hee hee , smiles ,,, he was in good mood and often says he doesnt feel good , whiney voice waaaaaaaa . awww pa i so sorry . my sis in law came and spent a day here , i was glad she came . i was blubbering at her , i showed her an angel with her holdin her heart . she said oh linda this is you ! :-) i said yep christina calls me linda hearts , :) well get this , doc at the hospital says dad has heart failer and he wont get any better , ok so he wants dad to go to the lab on weds to get blood work done . then go to see his family dr in 2 weeks and get family dr to order the hospices ! no fkin way that just burns my ass ! i am going to call the dr tmr and tell him if they want blood come and get it , if they want to see him then send hospices out , i am not draggin my pa out an about ! thier systems sucks ! i askmy sis in law if i can get trouble for not takin dad . she said no u have a good reason right there . the system is abusing my father , jesus christ he served war ! for our country ,, screw em all ! ah there now i said it . whats more its freakin cold out 20 degrees ! drag a ill man out an about , phhhhhhhhht i best get off here lol . feeling my blood pressure flarin up . meow at you all later xoxoox
Wait, I am still putting the Christmas stuff away here...gimme a week!
Go to you-tube watch all the Mayhem ALLSTATE commercials...It'll make ya feel better!
Yeah learned THAT one too... Do NOT discuss care giving with relatives who DON'T do any...Between their pathetic "advice" and discomfort you get to watch their eyes glaze over as they wait to switch back to them and their life issues... What missed a good parking spot at the mall Earline? So sorry, you know if you had granddad you could use all the handicapped spaces right up in front...but of course, you'd have to get him in and out of the car, into the wheel chair, wheel him all over the Mall, listen to him gripe about traffic, prices, people, his bowels...and hope that the bowels at Least are just talk and you don't have to change him in a rest room...You know, I doubt they considered an elderly man needing his diaper changed when they made the Family Restrooms one sees now a days...Yes happy holidays and tell me how hard it was for you to get your flight to Mexico...Whatever...
Welcome to the nadir of care giving, do it with love, do it out of fear do it at all and you will see how isolating and and "normal life removing" it becomes...
Sheila, all of those feelings and thoughts you are having are for lack of a better word, NORMAL. Enjoy your break. You are human, Girlfriend. I am glad we have this thread to be here for you.
I'm so glad I've found your site. I feel like I should be breaking out in the theme song from Cheers. Ifeel like I've been tossed by a tornado and dropped in this foreign land. No fire and brimstone, but I'm sure it's hell. Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. I'm a stranger amongst my girlfriends. They're talking about their lives in Normalland, and I've got nothing to add. If I talk about what's going on in my life, they can't relate, and I sound like I'm whining, when it's simply relating the day's events. They tell me what a saint I am. If they only knew the horrible thoughts I've had about this man that I love. How can I love someone so much and wish he'd stroke out before he gives me one? I'm waiting for God to smite me. God? Is there one? There. In one paragraph. The two most horrible things I could ever think of saying.
But wait. I'm sitting here blubbering, when I should be avoiding thinking about everything right now. The day before Thanksgiving, I was about a hair's breadth from totally losing it from the strain of taking care of Alan, when I had to take him to the ER because he'd suffered his third stroke. He's in rehab now and will be for a little while yet. I feel horrible saying this, but it's been a little slice of heaven to be free of the burden know that he's being well cared for--AND IT'S NOT ME DOING THE CAREGIVING!
So, what I think I'm going to do is get my mind off caregiving and immerse myself in my short-term freedom and come back here when I have to resume the new normal.
Morning All, Linda, continuing prayers for Pa and love being sent your way. Cricket, I'm always looking for that pony in the room full of manure. I know a lot of you are smelling it and remember your Blessings are greater than finding a pony. Hang in there Suzie, Diane, Takingcare,--Enough, where are you? Happy New Year to all you beautiful Caregivers and Awesome Crew of this BOAT. Love and Hugs to our Captain Bobbie. Everyone, have a great day! Love, Christina xo
Good morning all, it's a beautiful day here in south Florida. I have a lot of work to do to clean up from the Holidays (like most of you if you haven't already done so). I took a day off from everything and the dishes and laundry are piled up, grocery shopping needs to be done and like Linda says waaaaaaaa! Welcome to those of you who are new here, glad to have you. Linda I hope you and Pa are doing okay today. Christina, thank you for being so positive! Everyone have a good day today. Love you all.
Cindy, is it the smell or the look of the diapers. I have some really far fetched ideas. Since my dad shits everywhere it seems I have a lot of experience with it. O M G am I saying this? Yes I am. Man I used to complain about dogs when they crapped in the house. That was NOTHING! Happy Poopy New Year!!! Kat (and yes nothing is off limits for me to talk about - 7 years of this so far and my dad is ONLY 78....long way to go still...EEEEEEEEEEEEK.
My thoughts with Linda, ending times really put you in a different place from others, know you have been a good daughter and been there all along when you were needed. I hope you all have peace there...
Yes, wash a lot of sheets and know the house must reek of piss, when he is gone here, a lot of stuff will be throw away, there is nothing else for it. God don't let me live long enough to be a 200 pound infant, why bother...
Another year...another year to hope this ends.
Neighbors outdid themselves with fire works this year, all around us for blocks several people had the "Conflagration Deluxe Box" was very cool. Rang bells and 2012 has arrived. best Wishes all....
I have communicated with MariesMom, and she is fine. Just busy with family and hubby interviews. Back soon. No Worries, she wishes "Happy New Year" to all. Kids want to open a restaurant. omg. I get to be "in charge of kitchen and training the servers." I bet I get to be in charge of cleaning up, too. You wanna bet? Hope everyone made it through the first day of year fairly well. One day at a time. Love you all. Football STILL on. Too dark to escape. heehee Hugs, Christina xo
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind!!!! I don't know if it's just because I've been sick since Thursday or what, but mom is pushing me over the edge. I just lost it getting her to bed and said some mean things. I know logically she can't help it, but I can't take this insanity much longer. Just about everything she says is some mixed up bs from her "reality". She thinks its flooded and its bone dry. She insists its cold and it is 71 degrees. She is constantly searching for non existent stuff. Half the time she can't tell you what she is looking for, she's just searching endlessly. I feel like I live in a freakin nut house!!! I dress her in decent clothes she insists I'm dressing her in rags. It is constant and never ending! God, I don't want my mother to hurry up and die, but I hate this demanding selfish monster her disease has made her. My "real" mom was my friend and I miss her.
Sounds like great fun Christina. Thanks for the invite. Played frisbee with the pup this afternoon (she is a 2 year old pup). She can't catch it even when it bounces off her nose. Don't worry, it is one of those cloth padded frisbees. But, seemed a good way to start the New Year. Linda, don't know what advice would help, nothing really helps.. But, you are an incredible strong lady. I had to deal with the diapers with my husband at the end. The candles really helped. Those disposible pads were worthless, he always wadded them up and pushed them off the bed. Always had sheets in the washing machine. Getting worried about Marie's Mom too. Hope no news is good news.
I didn't know it was bad luck to do laundry on New Year's Day. Hmmm. I think I'll pretend I didn't read the part about New Year's Day and just tell people doing laundry is bad luck...period. And I certainly can't afford any more bad luck. Double bonus--I'll still need clean clothes, so I'll just have to shop. Luvs my shopping.
Miz!!! You are so FUNNY today!!! Yesterday, too.!!! Just hitting me, everything you are saying. Miz, you get "Comedienne of the Year" award so far this year:) LINDA OF MY HEART!!!!! I don't know anyone who LOVES like you do, and All of us here, LOVE BIG TIME!!! You just spend every minute watching over Pa and don't do anything else. Tell hubby 'get your ass to work and bring home the bacon and the tequila' heehee. Listen, Some day..... I'll make us bacon and tomato sandwiches while we are driving out to California. ( I'll fly back, rent a car one way, drive you back here), we will go to Disneyland and California Adventure; go to all the best Mexican restaurants, go to the beach; maybe Bobbie comes out to Pacific Ocean on the southern coast and we do Western Boat. Head on down to Cabo, avoid the drug cartel (I'll bring my 'pretend' machine gun, just in case) we spend a week at our time share and go to Cabo Wabo and have, um... oh yeah, more margaritas. And a VIRGIN for Miz. She and cubby can fly down. We have room. Everybody, come on down. Cricket, Bee, Austin, Deefer, Kuli, Selfish, BJ, Diane, KIMBO, Barb, JEN, RIP, Golf, Meanwhile, FAM, Rossella Bella helicopter in--we'll get Harrison Ford to pick you up and drop you off-- Ann, Annie from Ireland. My cousin from Ireland gets to come, too. I'll cook. OK, I'll do breakfast, and dinner, but someone else can do lunch. Does that sound like something to dream on? Nothing compares to the love we hold for our parents, but WE have to LIVE. LIFE is for the LIVING. Someday we will be there, waiting for those who have gone before us, to start preparing us, in our rooms, as we sit, helpless in our recliners. God, help me to keep moving and taking my walks on the bridle trail. Once, I heard a story of a 93 year old woman who went to a party, forgot to wear her slip, and died in her sleep that night. That is how my Uncle went. He was 80, still jumping over the fence at his farm in Seattle. One morning, as he was making his Postem and cooking his sausages EVER so SLOWLY, he felt cold, laid down on the sofa, covered himself up with a blanket, and simply transitioned to his farm in Heaven--with my Dad and their Brother. It can be simple. It can be gracious. The love we have for them is of God's Grace. Every day I see my Mother, I cry, I grieve. I told you this already. With my Dad and my brother, I had no forewarning, I had no good byes, 'You've been a good DAD', 'I'm glad you're my brother'. Take each precious moment and SAVOR it. Life is such a mystery. Let's hope for the best, creating our personal Heaven, and perhaps, it shall be just as we want it to be. I Love you all, very much. Christina xo
My first post of 2012 - Happy New Year ahead to all you wonderful caregivers. I wonder how we get through year after year but we do. Bought my dad a new computer for xmas in one day he broke it (that's normal) so I was in his room New Years Eve making back up system dvds and had to spend a few hours in close proximity to my dad's stuff. I'm getting off track for a second, I'm thinking of posting up some insanely crazy pics if that can be done on our profiles? Imagine we could all share some of the crazy shit (literally) we deal with at times! Back to my story, so I don't want to sit in his chairs, so I bring my folding chair to his room. I'm looking around and there they are....little containers with pee, now with lids on them...about five in a row a shelf above the computer that I'm working on. So I say to myself...another year of this O M G ! Just gotta laugh at this stuff or go nuts!! I'm glad to be a part of this site because I certainly need it! Thank you all for your shares, I'm not feeling so alone now! Kat
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Duck and cover....
Lilli
Just think if Lilli and I were traveling all over the continent and making agencies tow the line. I have my machine gun, she has her calculator, our brazen attitudes. This country would run a whole lot better. We'll take Jen with us and she can argue while we um, calculate. Get her out of the house. Huh, Jen?
Hospice is a benefit for which your Dad and all of has worked for all of our lives. It isn't a "gift" so don't let the docs treat it that way. Docs no nothing of home care or what it takes to qualify for hospice. If they can't prescribe pills or surgery they haven't a clue.
You really have to fight for this for your Dad. It will give you respite to and let you concentrate on making him comfortable and happy. That is your job right now...let hospice do the rest. If you get the right company, they are great. They will bring all that he needs right to your home.
Good luck..let me know if you need any thing else....
Lilli
Sheila: you are pretty normal, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm an expert. We are better than normal here, so get ready to be off the charts. Whoo Hoo!
You know what? I have a "normal" sister. BORRRRINGGGG!!!
We have depth, experience, and a strong survival instinct. We are a little like Angelina Jolie in Salt and Bruce Willis in Die Hard. With a pony in the room. Be proud, you are set apart.
Remember the battle cry, "Fight! Fight! Never surrender"!! Whoo Hoo!
Blood tests???? Hasn't he had enough in the hospital???? Bleepity-bleep, these guys have ice water in their veins. Ask him how are you supposed to get your dad to all these things. Major A$$.
Linda, please see if you can get a referral to the best hospice co. in your area and call them tomorrow. They also have social workers on staff who can help you cut through the B.S. with the docs. Don't try to do it yourself and do not drag your Dad to all these tests until you find out.
Like you need more to do!!!
dad s perked up a lit this morning , reach over and tickled me . that made me giggle , oh pa u want me to tickle u too . hee hee , smiles ,,, he was in good mood and often says he doesnt feel good , whiney voice waaaaaaaa . awww pa i so sorry .
my sis in law came and spent a day here , i was glad she came . i was blubbering at her , i showed her an angel with her holdin her heart . she said oh linda this is you ! :-) i said yep christina calls me linda hearts , :)
well get this , doc at the hospital says dad has heart failer and he wont get any better , ok so he wants dad to go to the lab on weds to get blood work done . then go to see his family dr in 2 weeks and get family dr to order the hospices ! no fkin way that just burns my ass !
i am going to call the dr tmr and tell him if they want blood come and get it , if they want to see him then send hospices out , i am not draggin my pa out an about ! thier systems sucks ! i askmy sis in law if i can get trouble for not takin dad . she said no u have a good reason right there . the system is abusing my father , jesus christ he served war ! for our country ,, screw em all !
ah there now i said it .
whats more its freakin cold out 20 degrees ! drag a ill man out an about , phhhhhhhhht
i best get off here lol . feeling my blood pressure flarin up .
meow at you all later xoxoox
Wait, I am still putting the Christmas stuff away here...gimme a week!
Go to you-tube watch all the Mayhem ALLSTATE commercials...It'll make ya feel better!
Yeah learned THAT one too... Do NOT discuss care giving with relatives who DON'T do any...Between their pathetic "advice" and discomfort you get to watch their eyes glaze over as they wait to switch back to them and their life issues... What missed a good parking spot at the mall Earline? So sorry, you know if you had granddad you could use all the handicapped spaces right up in front...but of course, you'd have to get him in and out of the car, into the wheel chair, wheel him all over the Mall, listen to him gripe about traffic, prices, people, his bowels...and hope that the bowels at Least are just talk and you don't have to change him in a rest room...You know, I doubt they considered an elderly man needing his diaper changed when they made the Family Restrooms one sees now a days...Yes happy holidays and tell me how hard it was for you to get your flight to Mexico...Whatever...
Welcome to the nadir of care giving, do it with love, do it out of fear do it at all and you will see how isolating and and "normal life removing" it becomes...
love,
miz
But wait. I'm sitting here blubbering, when I should be avoiding thinking about everything right now. The day before Thanksgiving, I was about a hair's breadth from totally losing it from the strain of taking care of Alan, when I had to take him to the ER because he'd suffered his third stroke. He's in rehab now and will be for a little while yet. I feel horrible saying this, but it's been a little slice of heaven to be free of the burden know that he's being well cared for--AND IT'S NOT ME DOING THE CAREGIVING!
So, what I think I'm going to do is get my mind off caregiving and immerse myself in my short-term freedom and come back here when I have to resume the new normal.
Linda, continuing prayers for Pa and love being sent your way. Cricket, I'm always looking for that pony in the room full of manure. I know a lot of you are smelling it and remember your Blessings are greater than finding a pony. Hang in there Suzie, Diane, Takingcare,--Enough, where are you? Happy New Year to all you beautiful Caregivers and Awesome Crew of this BOAT. Love and Hugs to our Captain Bobbie. Everyone, have a great day! Love, Christina xo
Everyone have a good day today. Love you all.
Cricket
Kat (and yes nothing is off limits for me to talk about - 7 years of this so far and my dad is ONLY 78....long way to go still...EEEEEEEEEEEEK.
Yes, wash a lot of sheets and know the house must reek of piss, when he is gone here, a lot of stuff will be throw away, there is nothing else for it. God don't let me live long enough to be a 200 pound infant, why bother...
Another year...another year to hope this ends.
Neighbors outdid themselves with fire works this year, all around us for blocks several people had the "Conflagration Deluxe Box" was very cool. Rang bells and 2012 has arrived. best Wishes all....
Kids want to open a restaurant. omg. I get to be "in charge of kitchen and training the servers." I bet I get to be in charge of cleaning up, too. You wanna bet?
Hope everyone made it through the first day of year fairly well. One day at a time.
Love you all. Football STILL on. Too dark to escape. heehee Hugs, Christina xo
I had to deal with the diapers with my husband at the end. The candles really helped. Those disposible pads were worthless, he always wadded them up and pushed them off the bed. Always had sheets in the washing machine.
Getting worried about Marie's Mom too. Hope no news is good news.
Get in the car. Hold on. Callate.
LINDA OF MY HEART!!!!! I don't know anyone who LOVES like you do, and All of us here, LOVE BIG TIME!!! You just spend every minute watching over Pa and don't do anything else. Tell hubby 'get your ass to work and bring home the bacon and the tequila' heehee. Listen, Some day.....
I'll make us bacon and tomato sandwiches while we are driving out to California.
( I'll fly back, rent a car one way, drive you back here), we will go to Disneyland and California Adventure; go to all the best Mexican restaurants, go to the beach; maybe Bobbie comes out to Pacific Ocean on the southern coast and we do Western Boat. Head on down to Cabo, avoid the drug cartel (I'll bring my 'pretend' machine gun, just in case) we spend a week at our time share and go to Cabo Wabo and have, um... oh yeah, more margaritas. And a VIRGIN for Miz. She and cubby can fly down. We have room. Everybody, come on down. Cricket, Bee, Austin, Deefer, Kuli, Selfish, BJ, Diane, KIMBO, Barb, JEN, RIP, Golf, Meanwhile, FAM, Rossella Bella helicopter in--we'll get Harrison Ford to pick you up and drop you off-- Ann, Annie from Ireland. My cousin from Ireland gets to come, too. I'll cook. OK, I'll do breakfast, and dinner, but someone else can do lunch.
Does that sound like something to dream on? Nothing compares to the love we hold for our parents, but WE have to LIVE. LIFE is for the LIVING. Someday we will be there, waiting for those who have gone before us, to start preparing us, in our rooms, as we sit, helpless in our recliners. God, help me to keep moving and taking my walks on the bridle trail. Once, I heard a story of a 93 year old woman who went to a party, forgot to wear her slip, and died in her sleep that night. That is how my Uncle went. He was 80, still jumping over the fence at his farm in Seattle. One morning, as he was making his Postem and cooking his sausages EVER so SLOWLY, he felt cold, laid down on the sofa, covered himself up with a blanket, and simply transitioned to his farm in Heaven--with my Dad and their Brother.
It can be simple. It can be gracious. The love we have for them is of God's Grace.
Every day I see my Mother, I cry, I grieve. I told you this already. With my Dad and my brother, I had no forewarning, I had no good byes, 'You've been a good DAD', 'I'm glad you're my brother'. Take each precious moment and SAVOR it.
Life is such a mystery. Let's hope for the best, creating our personal Heaven, and perhaps, it shall be just as we want it to be. I Love you all, very much. Christina xo