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Thanks for the birthday wishes you guys and I had a pretty good birthday with the boat angel. After a lot of drama and craziness we have settled into a bittersweet relationship in the face that he has Cancer and is not expected to last the year.
I have offered to take him anywhere he wants to go since this boat is an Ocean Going PassageMaker. We talk about the Caribbean and S America and just floating to wherever looks good. Who knows if it will happen but whatever happens in your life starts with a dream and a plan. Even if it is your last dream and plan it still counts.
I have had many adventures since posting on a regular basis. They have been exhausting and I am feeling my years.
I am so moved and inspired by you women and Cuz on this thread. I am inspired also by Ted and caregiving live because of the comfort that I know will come to everyone in this insane situation.
I read all posts all the time and those of you that check your notifications will know that. I know all of your stories, even the new people, Welcome to you all, and am grateful that this thread has become self aware and doesn't need me like in the first year or so. Know that the Captain is always on the boat but has an amazing crew with more and more brilliant caregivers joining the brilliant voices already here. What we all can accomplish now as opposed to when I was caregiving my mom and Austin was caregiving her husband is astonishing. People will know weeks and maybe a few months into the game that they are not alone as opposed to the 5 years of operating in a vacuum for me and many others who still post here.
I do want ALL of you caregivers (including new folks; once you post twice you are part of the crew!) to understand that the boat is here and available to those who can get away and get to wherever the boat is, including the Caribbean and S America!
I am worried for LindaH and her Pa. Linda and her SIL Deb came to the boat and I was very happy to meet them and we had a great time. Linda, if you're reading, come back any time! And that also goes for Miz! Miz and I had a great time also and for the long time caregivers on the thread we remember that the first boat visitor was a bust but we all didn't stop trying now did we?
Well, I had typed a huge amount and the Ship's Cat, Clawshank the Decimator, stepped on the keyboard and we all know what happened next. *poof* gone.
I am still not 100% and am back in the stages of grief with this current situation but what can you do? The heart does what it wants.
I have quit fighting it and have accepted that I am still a Caregiver.
Hi Ms Miz:) always in my prayers. Enough, what if the IDIOTS were in charge instead of US? That would be a tragedy. For our loved ones!!! SelfishSibs, the response is a form of denial. Too much info about a subject they cannot deal with because of weakness. Lack of compassion for others, passivity. Pity him, really. Weather holding here, so is my weight, better get moving this morning. Happy Trails to You, until we meet again! WhooHoo! Have a good one! Love, Christina xo
Good Morning, Everyone. I am not gonna try and catch up on the posts. Doing okay here. Wish I could find a full time job but there is just nothing out there or maybe I'm overqualified or too old or something. I am in the running a job with the City. If you pray, please pray for me. I am grateful for my part time job but it doesn't make much of a dent in our bills. I am sorry I have been absent for so long. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOBBIE!! I leave Wednesday for Las Vegas. I am going for a conference on hearing aids and it's free to me. I'll be back Sunday. Hubby can't go and I feel bad but it would have been too expensive and he needs to work. I'm getting through one day at a time. Have as good a day as you can. Love Yous!!
Siblings - what is up with them. When my mom first went into the nursing home, the family gathered (4 out of 6), the other 3 siblings decided that I had to be the one to make the decisions, okay that is what my role was. When they transferred my mom (broken hip and collarbone) to the nursing home, the first thing my wonderful brother said "She did it Mom I didn't want to" (IDIOT my name for him). After six months she finally died of so many complications it was funny and at the funeral, in front of friends and family, priests and nuns, IDIOT cried aloud that he didn't know his Mom was that sick and I kept the information from him. Okay so the weekly phone calls, the emails whenever her situation changed, the meetings with the monthly meetings with the nursing home which he did not bother to attend but knew about were not enough for his pea-brain to comprehend but you would have thought the 9 days she spent on life support may have awoken this IDIOT.
Anyways 5 years after that I got my first phone call from him saying he forgave me for everything and could we be friends. I send him birthday cards, holiday cards see his kids as much as possible but still call him IDIOT. Siblings can be fun!
More stories about the other 4 but IDIOT was the worse.
Good morning all, Rossella - I love the ocean too, having gone to the beach every day in the summer as a kid; it is a most soothing and I miss it too. I think just knowing I can get there if I really had to, is enough for me for now!
Christina - what I can say about that post? I never, ever, thought I'd be doing it all on my own either, but here we are, and we're still breathing, sot that's a good thing! Today I find out if Dad is ready to be transferred to short rehab. He can't walk, even with a walker because he is so weak, so I'm not so sure how "short term" it will be. This guy has more lives than my 21 year old cat had!!! Geez....! His spirits are good and Mom has a nasty sinus infection so she can't go see him. . So I go from the hospital, over to their apartment make her chicken soup and make her eat. She's not eating. Then, I order out casue I'm too tired to cook for my own family. I'm so grateful my husband hasn't kicked my ass out. All we do is talk about my parent's situation. Not much fun.....When I texted my brother to say that Dad was in ICU and he had a stomach bleed etc....this was his response, "Thanks." Not kidding you, that was it. Pa-lease...! I guess I should be happy he responded at all. What's wrong with these people?? I don't get it, but I'm not crazy angry at my useless siblings anymore. You all told me it would pass, and for now, it has.
Taking -no you are not alone and by comming here you will never be alone-this place is open 24/7 and you will meet the greatest people in the world and Cuz keeps us laughing-sometimes I laugh so hard I almost fall off my chair.
Oh wow, I am so glad I'm not alone, reading these posts. I have some real issues with my dad that started way before I "inherited" ha him. He poops in trash cans and pees in bottles, cups, you name it. Holy Lord! And, he thinks it is okay because my mother did not let him use the household toilet (sick but true - she would tell my dad to "go to the bathroom at work", so my father was really abused for 48 years before my mother passed. It is so sad, yet so sickening......
Ditto, Cuz. Infection can make one ornery:( Poor thing. Saying prayers for her tonight. Captain is the Birthday Girl!! Whoo Hoo!! Love And Birthday Hugs, Bobbie. Night Night everyone... ZZzzzzz
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, but this one is real, and it is important. So, please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list: If someone comes to you front door saying the are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT! IT IS A SCAM. They only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this imformation yesturday. I feel so stupid now.
A pretty girl stepped up to the fabric counter and said, "I'd like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the young male clerk. "Fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." Smirking, the clerk measured out the cloth and wrapped it. Then he held it out teasingly. The girl smiled, took the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, and said, "Grandpa, pay the man."
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting togather in church. Joel giggeled, sang and talked out load. Finally his big sister had had enough and gave him the elbow. "You're not supposed to talk out load in church!" "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel answered. Angie pointed to the back of the church. "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers!"
A little boy opened up the family Bible with fasination,looking at the old pages, one after another. As he turned them, something fell out. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages. "Mom, look what I found!" he called out. "What do you have there, dear?" his mother asked. With excitement the boy exclaimed, "It's Adam's suit!"
Thought I would share some news about the wife's aunt. They put her in the hospital yesturday with what one of the nurses said was one of the worst bladder infections she has ever seen. Add to this that the dementia is at the stage of mean ornery and not wanting to eat or take pills. The family wanted to put her on a feeding tube but the aunt basically told them hell no. So the last I heard they were calling hospice in and go from there. I truely think that her aunt knows she has a very weak heart and just wants to give up. All we can hope for is that the transition happens fast. I'll let you know tommorro if there is any change. lovCuz
Oh my goodness, Meanwhile! Just wanted to let you know you were missed. No pressure, ever, here! Some of us just can't keep our mouthes shut. blah blah blah. I was stuck at home waiting for the plumber all day, and calls from the insurance company, etc. I walk on the bridle trail and can imagine the communion you experience with your horse on the trail. I'm sure you feel your husband with you. Each time I am up above the streets on the trail, it is a different world, and I listen for insight. Sometimes I can feel my brother with me; sometimes I look for rocks or other treasures after a hard rain. I usually pray and say Blessings over my friends. Only God hears me and I know He listens and answers. My cat likes cashews. Shame on me for giving them to her. Probably not good for her intestinal tract, but she will knock the can out of my hand if I don't give her a couple. heehee. She is an illusive feline, breaks a few things, but does not get close enough to be on my laptop. Or to let me pick her up:( WE are all part of a whole on the Boat. Like little pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Love and Healing Blessings to you, Dear One. xo
Shoot shoot shoot! I had written a long post, pressed the wrong key, everything disappeared poof! I am going to say the some things but shorter... Christina I agree about what you say about Jen. There must be a way so that she is paid for the work she has already done and she continues to do. She should get much, much more than she gets, because it is a real job she is making. Nothingisenough: I feel exacly what you feel, about the sea... This is exactly the reason why I go there every time I can. I am seriously thinking to sell this house (if I find someone who buys it) and go with my mother and my pets to live in a smaller house closer to the sea. We'll see if it is possible. Diane, it is far too cold to bathe now! Though, there are some brave people who bathe every month of the year. Just walk along the beach would be good for me... But the trip is too long and it is difficult with the dogs I have now. Heathcliff, the new dog, can't stay in the car for more than 10 minutes and unfortunately if he starts to get crazy in the car, the other ones get crazy too. If I left him home alone, he would destroy the room... I can only hope he gets calmer in the future. If I really need it, I'll go alone without dogs! Carolyn, I think I had already told you about the difficulties I had when my mother had to accept the first caregivers (when she was still living by herself). And I know everyone has the same difficulties. It is what Cricket says, they don't want to lose control on their life. Who could blame them for that? My mother fired her first caregivers, she kept her key inside of the keyhole so they could not enter with their own key, she did everything she could to keep them away... It took months for her to accept she would have a stranger in her house. I hope it will be less difficult for you.. okay I post this before losing it again!
Hi Meanwhile ~ You're the inspiration! Maintaining so well ... Do you have facebook? I have photos of my small dogs & I, riding Skye the Paint under a rocky waterfall. Big dogs deep in the pool. Common in the Pacific NW,
I have been reading everyone's posts, but didn't feel like writing. Just trying to keep myself busy, so I won't miss my husband so much. Thank you for the hug, Christine. It was 65 degrees here in south Texas today. I did saddle up my old horse and go for a short ride. That is like going to the beach for me. I read about your Mother, Christine, and it reminds me of mine. I try to excuse my Mother her faults, because her Father was completely nuts. He lived with us off on a on until he died of cancer, when my sister and I were 13. He was a pathetic miserable old man. Tried to commit suicide half a dozen times. Wasn't very good at it. Was tempted to try the rum cake recipe, but made pumpkin empanadas instead. Know what you mean about the cat trying to sleep on the computer, my sisters cat sneeks up behind me then jumps into the middle of the key board. He is in trouble with sis tonight though. He dumped over a potted plant in the dining room, the dog had to come see what went bang, and tracked dirt all over the floor. Oh well the floor needed to be mopped anyway. Love you guys, you are all such an inspiration for me.
Diane, is that "same shit, different day"? I love that saying. I remember the first time I saw it on a guy's tee shirt down on the beach. Yep, kind of jaded. Like I am about slab leaks. Same slab, different hole. WTF. Stupid builder puts the water pipes into the concrete slab, ruined my hardwood floor. Now we have to get a repipe in the walls. Jen, someday, somewhere, when you least expect it--kaboom! I say, if you have access to frickin fart pants' frickin wallet, take the frickin ATM/credit card and go to the frickin bank machine. Write him an invoice, charge him frickin interest, for his frickin sordid existence and get frickin back pay for all the frickin years you were the main (frickin) caregiver. Do you want a frickin attorney to serve him with the frickin papers? I'll get you one. Let me frickin know, ok? I do not seem to be as frickin patient as you frickin are. So, BJ's frickin wingnut sister--frickin charge me, and I'll donate the frickin money to Jen. Pass me the frickin JAR. Oh, I think I'll have a glass of wine now. That was cathartic.
Good luck with the lotto Jen. I'm sneezing and blowing my nose. Mom wouldn't stay up any longer, so I can bet she will be up by about 3am. F#&@! (Pass the jar). I'm just being cranky since I feel like crap. Ros, run to the sea and bask in the sun! Listen to the waves and the birds and feel the sunshine soak into your skin. Calgon, take me away....Sorry, got too into that thought. Really, nothing new, SSDD (pass the jar).
Gah slab leak, WHAT the heck is that! It sounds expensive....hope it gets fixed... Really pissed here just took $2.00 out of shit pants grocery wallet, to get me to a lotto ticket, to get me to January for my monthly 100 dollar stipend gift, whatever... Today we had to run errands with him in the car. I prayed God would let a truck crash into his side of the van and kill him...It didn't happen...yet...Mom insisted we take him to a store where a cousin works so she could see him....Good God I can't imagine what would be more irritating than standing there listening to someone gush over a person you wish death on on a regular basis...If she said "Howard, you're my Christmas Present!" One -more- time- I think I would have ran out of the place crying.... It was painful...yes your beloved uncle, so few of his generation left wish he'd drop dead tonight and end my having to clean up his feces and piss and make him meals and push him around all the while being careful to wear aprons to cover my chest, skirts long enough I don't have to worry when I bend over to pick something up and remember to back out of the room so he doesn't stare at me in that sicko leering way he SAVES just for ME apparently... It's a rotten one for me here tonight. but when is it ever good. I had dreams with my dead father in them last night, like he was still alive and dying of AIDS alone in Seattle. Do I need that.... Gonna go for a walk and play two dollars on that money I stole now... Have way better lives people, stay positive. Get help when ever you can!!!
Christina.....you are an angel sent from above. Thanks for posting that, I'm newish her and am trying to wrap my head around everyones story, which involves a lot of reading past posts...which by the way are great - but I may go blind first. God Bless you and all on this thread for the journey we are one together. I hope to catch up with you all. Happiest New Year to you all!! Suzie ps you are a very good writer.....
Morning everyone, Carolyn, I remember September 2008 after my Mother's husband passed. First, I conferred with my sister and suggested we pick a care home halfway between her place in the desert and my place in Orange county. She said, "Oh NO, get a place near you, because I cannot be here 6 months of every year. I have to live in both our houses." Of course you do. I did not want to believe at the time that I was going to do this all by myself. I really thought she was interested in our Mother, but, she is more interested in a smooth, uninterrupted life. I immediately started looking in my area, and found a place sometime in October, consulting with a free online service that helps find a place for Mom. I was very nervous about telling my Mother about moving her here. She did not want to live with us, and her dementia was evident, but her lack of autonomy was the most obvious thing: Macular degeneration and a general lack of physical strength and coordination. My plan was to move her right after the holidays. I lived 5 hours drive time away, but I went up every other weekend and started packing and throwing out stuff, sorting other things to give away. My sister did help me one weekend with that, and like so many selfish siblings, she selectively took an ancestor's wedding ring set, because she always wanted it and Mother promised it to her, and it's OK, don't you think? Bitch. And a few books from a 2 centuries old collection, and a few framed photos, and Chris, you take the rest. Yes, and store it at my house and I'll gradually toss things and "SAVE" things that have been saved for 90 years already.( I do not want to put coins in the jar.) When we drove up on the final weekend to move all her furniture, I dreaded what I thought would be a confrontation. I had gone over it in my mind, the possible arguments countered by the matter of fact attitude I would have, "Oh, it's going to be great, Mom, and I will see you all the time, you'll be over at out house", etc. And I had nervous butterflies, or normal butterflies. But, I am brave. I face every fear I have, (except sky diving, and I faced skiing, and now I don't have to do that anymore). When I looked at Mother, it was as if an Angel had taken over her body, and she was her most Gracious and yielding. She said, "I thought about it, and I know it's the best thing." Wow. I was shocked and waited for the other shoe to drop, (as we do around here) maybe a tantrum out of the blue, or something to screw things up. I had prayed about this, and I needed to trust if I was going to ask. Three years later, no sky diving, but roller coasters and many worn out yo-yo strings. I cannot imagine what else would have worked. I am assuming it has worked the best it can with dementia and the history of our family. I am very hands on with my Mother's care. I have learned so much about forgiveness, about processing a lifetime of craziness. I have realized how very sane and healthy I am. It has to do with personality, character, and the soul's commitment. That is my take on it. There were many months when I was a crazy person, when I thought I would die myself, when I hated everyone, especially myself. It took working through all those things and talking to my husband, and coming here, praying and meditating, to get to where I am now. I still cry almost every time I am with my Mother, for many different reasons; for the way she is now, for the years I tried to have a relationship with her and she was not interested, for my childhood and my brothers childhoods and how very lonely and confused we were. For wanting her to be something she could never be, and for me wanting to be a daughter encouraged by her Mother, believed in by her, adored by her. It didn't happen until it didn't matter to me anymore. "Oh Well". We all do the best we can, even the siblings who don't help, who advise but don't do because they "can't", or those who do evil things. I'm not sure about the evil thing. Best to stay calm, be objective and slightly detached, do not over-react to anything, keep communication open and get as many people to help in whatever way they can. I suppose I should not have gotten angry with my sister last spring and kicked her out of my house for saying her responsibilities are more important than mine. That really changed things--no more at my house after that for visits with Mother. That wasn't all that occurred, but through my extreme anger, I saw her true character, and it wasn't pretty: cowardice, shallow selfishness. Unfortunately, a trait my own Mother was famous for. I will say no more. This is a rehash for some of you, and I apologize. Maybe someone new will get some insight from it. To me, it is like rereading a novel I was not especially fond of the first time I read it, and now I remember why. Let's move on, look to the future. I signed up for classes last night. Looking for a math tutor, or maybe math-lobe-activator. I'm so excited to be one of the oldest kids in my college classes:) We may have another slab leak, or the slab has a crack due to unmaintained Association retaining wall and the water is seeping in from below. It has only been 10 months since my floor was torn up, and now we have to deal with it anew. At least Mother is safe in another location. We had to move her upstairs for 2 weeks last February. She thought she was at a hotel. Hope you all have a very Happy New Year. Love and Hugs to you all. Special prayers and Blessings for Ann's Mom, Linda's Pa, Kimbo's Dad, Diane's Mom and James, Captain's Charge, Selfish Sibling's Dad and Mom:), Enough's crazy mil, (NO OFFENSE) Golf and your entire course, including putting greens and sand traps, Cricket and your houseful, Austin and your needles, Deefer and Company, rip and dogs, Jen and Jen, Bj and dogs, wingnut sister, Rossella and your Lamborghini driving the Grand Prix to the Sea, Cuz, our late night comedian; Carolyn and your Mother, who inspired me to write this post in the first place. Memories, light the corners of my mind... But my brains are so big, there are very few corners to light up. Takes up all the space in my big German head. Ja wohl. Love, Christina xo
Rossella, a cd of the ocean sounds might be a good alternative for you to use for the times you are unable to go to the beach. I myself am not much of a beach person but I love garden sounds and years ago I bought a cd that has soft piano playing in the background and yard birds chirping and singing. I love to play it because it relaxes me the same way the ocean relaxes you. It's great for the days where I am just stuck at home.
Bee, a couple months back when I was having a really tough time dealing with Dad's manipulations and stubbornness I listened to a book about how to deal with difficult people and the book touched on the subject of stubbornness and explained how it is a form of desperation for control of ones life. Your Mom is probably in this phase. I think the more independent a person is throughout their lives the harder it is for them to let go and trust others. The anger is directed at the others for taking control away but it's really because of their frustrations with themselves because they don't know how to let go. You are doing the right thing for your Mother and eventually she will come to see it. "She needs reassurance on EVERYTHING! God forbid you need a moment to gather your own thoughts to be able to deal with her" I can totally relate! What helped me to disrupt the same pattern of behavior with Dad was I bought an ipod and earphone plugs and clipped it to my shirt and turned the volume up while listening to books. It slowed down his demands and started do more to figure things out for himself. It was better for both of us.
It has actually cooled down here in South Florida, down to the 50's haha don't hate me :) Today is a great day to make some homemade chicken soup.. now to put on my birds cd and get busy.
Bee I hope your Mom is finally accepting that she needs help and I am real glad your brother is finally seeing it-my brother stayed with my Mom but for the 2 whole days he was there I am sure she hid how frail she is so I do not even mention it anymore to either brother-it is just a waste of words. with the VNS seeing her that should reassure you somewhat-we just got VNS in our county so I do not know how much help they are to people yet. I so hope your burdens get lighter soon. You are doing everything you can be dueing and that I hope makes you feel better-I hope that clergyman does not upset things-he should not over-ride the family's plan's.
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Thanks for the birthday wishes you guys and I had a pretty good birthday with the boat angel. After a lot of drama and craziness we have settled into a bittersweet relationship in the face that he has Cancer and is not expected to last the year.
I have offered to take him anywhere he wants to go since this boat is an Ocean Going PassageMaker.
We talk about the Caribbean and S America and just floating to wherever looks good. Who knows if it will happen but whatever happens in your life starts with a dream and a plan. Even if it is your last dream and plan it still counts.
I have had many adventures since posting on a regular basis. They have been exhausting and I am feeling my years.
I am so moved and inspired by you women and Cuz on this thread. I am inspired also by Ted and caregiving live because of the comfort that I know will come to everyone in this insane situation.
I read all posts all the time and those of you that check your notifications will know that. I know all of your stories, even the new people, Welcome to you all, and am grateful that this thread has become self aware and doesn't need me like in the first year or so. Know that the Captain is always on the boat but has an amazing crew with more and more brilliant caregivers joining the brilliant voices already here. What we all can accomplish now as opposed to when I was caregiving my mom and Austin was caregiving her husband is astonishing. People will know weeks and maybe a few months into the game that they are not alone as opposed to the 5 years of operating in a vacuum for me and many others who still post here.
I do want ALL of you caregivers (including new folks; once you post twice you are part of the crew!) to understand that the boat is here and available to those who can get away and get to wherever the boat is, including the Caribbean and S America!
I am worried for LindaH and her Pa. Linda and her SIL Deb came to the boat and I was very happy to meet them and we had a great time. Linda, if you're reading, come back any time! And that also goes for Miz! Miz and I had a great time also and for the long time caregivers on the thread we remember that the first boat visitor was a bust but we all didn't stop trying now did we?
Well, I had typed a huge amount and the Ship's Cat, Clawshank the Decimator, stepped on the keyboard and we all know what happened next. *poof* gone.
I am still not 100% and am back in the stages of grief with this current situation but what can you do? The heart does what it wants.
I have quit fighting it and have accepted that I am still a Caregiver.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
Weather holding here, so is my weight, better get moving this morning. Happy Trails to You, until we meet again! WhooHoo! Have a good one! Love, Christina xo
miz
Anyways 5 years after that I got my first phone call from him saying he forgave me for everything and could we be friends. I send him birthday cards, holiday cards see his kids as much as possible but still call him IDIOT. Siblings can be fun!
More stories about the other 4 but IDIOT was the worse.
Rossella - I love the ocean too, having gone to the beach every day in the summer as a kid; it is a most soothing and I miss it too. I think just knowing I can get there if I really had to, is enough for me for now!
Christina - what I can say about that post? I never, ever, thought I'd be doing it all on my own either, but here we are, and we're still breathing, sot that's a good thing!
Today I find out if Dad is ready to be transferred to short rehab. He can't walk, even with a walker because he is so weak, so I'm not so sure how "short term" it will be. This guy has more lives than my 21 year old cat had!!! Geez....! His spirits are good and Mom has a nasty sinus infection so she can't go see him. . So I go from the hospital, over to their apartment make her chicken soup and make her eat. She's not eating. Then, I order out casue I'm too tired to cook for my own family. I'm so grateful my husband hasn't kicked my ass out. All we do is talk about my parent's situation. Not much fun.....When I texted my brother to say that Dad was in ICU and he had a stomach bleed etc....this was his response, "Thanks." Not kidding you, that was it. Pa-lease...! I guess I should be happy he responded at all. What's wrong with these people?? I don't get it, but I'm not crazy angry at my useless siblings anymore. You all told me it would pass, and for now, it has.
Have a good day everyone.
- SS
Love And Birthday Hugs, Bobbie.
Night Night everyone... ZZzzzzz
Happy birthday Bobbie!
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, but this one is real, and it is important. So, please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:
If someone comes to you front door saying the are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT! IT IS A SCAM. They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this imformation yesturday. I feel so stupid now.
A pretty girl stepped up to the fabric counter and said, "I'd like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the young male clerk.
"Fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
Smirking, the clerk measured out the cloth and wrapped it. Then he held it out teasingly.
The girl smiled, took the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, and said, "Grandpa, pay the man."
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting togather in church. Joel giggeled, sang and talked out load.
Finally his big sister had had enough and gave him the elbow. "You're not supposed to talk out load in church!"
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel answered.
Angie pointed to the back of the church. "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers!"
A little boy opened up the family Bible with fasination,looking at the old pages, one after another. As he turned them, something fell out. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages.
"Mom, look what I found!" he called out.
"What do you have there, dear?" his mother asked.
With excitement the boy exclaimed, "It's Adam's suit!"
lovCuz
I was stuck at home waiting for the plumber all day, and calls from the insurance company, etc. I walk on the bridle trail and can imagine the communion you experience with your horse on the trail. I'm sure you feel your husband with you. Each time I am up above the streets on the trail, it is a different world, and I listen for insight. Sometimes I can feel my brother with me; sometimes I look for rocks or other treasures after a hard rain. I usually pray and say Blessings over my friends. Only God hears me and I know He listens and answers.
My cat likes cashews. Shame on me for giving them to her. Probably not good for her intestinal tract, but she will knock the can out of my hand if I don't give her a couple. heehee. She is an illusive feline, breaks a few things, but does not get close enough to be on my laptop. Or to let me pick her up:(
WE are all part of a whole on the Boat. Like little pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Love and Healing Blessings to you, Dear One. xo
Hope I snuck this in before midnight your other coast time.
I am going to say the some things but shorter...
Christina I agree about what you say about Jen. There must be a way so that she is paid for the work she has already done and she continues to do. She should get much, much more than she gets, because it is a real job she is making.
Nothingisenough: I feel exacly what you feel, about the sea... This is exactly the reason why I go there every time I can. I am seriously thinking to sell this house (if I find someone who buys it) and go with my mother and my pets to live in a smaller house closer to the sea. We'll see if it is possible. Diane, it is far too cold to bathe now! Though, there are some brave people who bathe every month of the year. Just walk along the beach would be good for me... But the trip is too long and it is difficult with the dogs I have now. Heathcliff, the new dog, can't stay in the car for more than 10 minutes and unfortunately if he starts to get crazy in the car, the other ones get crazy too. If I left him home alone, he would destroy the room... I can only hope he gets calmer in the future.
If I really need it, I'll go alone without dogs!
Carolyn, I think I had already told you about the difficulties I had when my mother had to accept the first caregivers (when she was still living by herself). And I know everyone has the same difficulties. It is what Cricket says, they don't want to lose control on their life. Who could blame them for that? My mother fired her first caregivers, she kept her key inside of the keyhole so they could not enter with their own key, she did everything she could to keep them away... It took months for her to accept she would have a stranger in her house. I hope it will be less difficult for you..
okay I post this before losing it again!
You're the inspiration! Maintaining so well ...
Do you have facebook? I have photos of my small dogs & I, riding Skye the Paint under a rocky waterfall. Big dogs deep in the pool. Common in the Pacific NW,
I read about your Mother, Christine, and it reminds me of mine. I try to excuse my Mother her faults, because her Father was completely nuts. He lived with us off on a on until he died of cancer, when my sister and I were 13. He was a pathetic miserable old man. Tried to commit suicide half a dozen times. Wasn't very good at it.
Was tempted to try the rum cake recipe, but made pumpkin empanadas instead.
Know what you mean about the cat trying to sleep on the computer, my sisters cat sneeks up behind me then jumps into the middle of the key board. He is in trouble with sis tonight though. He dumped over a potted plant in the dining room, the dog had to come see what went bang, and tracked dirt all over the floor. Oh well the floor needed to be mopped anyway. Love you guys, you are all such an inspiration for me.
Jen, someday, somewhere, when you least expect it--kaboom! I say, if you have access to frickin fart pants' frickin wallet, take the frickin ATM/credit card and go to the frickin bank machine. Write him an invoice, charge him frickin interest, for his frickin sordid existence and get frickin back pay for all the frickin years you were the main (frickin) caregiver. Do you want a frickin attorney to serve him with the frickin papers? I'll get you one. Let me frickin know, ok? I do not seem to be as frickin patient as you frickin are.
So, BJ's frickin wingnut sister--frickin charge me, and I'll donate the frickin money to Jen. Pass me the frickin JAR.
Oh, I think I'll have a glass of wine now. That was cathartic.
Good night dear ones.
Love ya,
Diane
Really pissed here just took $2.00 out of shit pants grocery wallet, to get me to a lotto ticket, to get me to January for my monthly 100 dollar stipend gift, whatever...
Today we had to run errands with him in the car. I prayed God would let a truck crash into his side of the van and kill him...It didn't happen...yet...Mom insisted we take him to a store where a cousin works so she could see him....Good God I can't imagine what would be more irritating than standing there listening to someone gush over a person you wish death on on a regular basis...If she said "Howard, you're my Christmas Present!" One -more- time- I think I would have ran out of the place crying.... It was painful...yes your beloved uncle, so few of his generation left wish he'd drop dead tonight and end my having to clean up his feces and piss and make him meals and push him around all the while being careful to wear aprons to cover my chest, skirts long enough I don't have to worry when I bend over to pick something up and remember to back out of the room so he doesn't stare at me in that sicko leering way he SAVES just for ME apparently...
It's a rotten one for me here tonight. but when is it ever good. I had dreams with my dead father in them last night, like he was still alive and dying of AIDS alone in Seattle. Do I need that....
Gonna go for a walk and play two dollars on that money I stole now...
Have way better lives people, stay positive. Get help when ever you can!!!
God Bless you and all on this thread for the journey we are one together. I hope to catch up with you all. Happiest New Year to you all!! Suzie
ps you are a very good writer.....
Carolyn, I remember September 2008 after my Mother's husband passed.
First, I conferred with my sister and suggested we pick a care home halfway between her place in the desert and my place in Orange county. She said, "Oh NO, get a place near you, because I cannot be here 6 months of every year. I have to live in both our houses." Of course you do. I did not want to believe at the time that I was going to do this all by myself. I really thought she was interested in our Mother, but, she is more interested in a smooth, uninterrupted life.
I immediately started looking in my area, and found a place sometime in October, consulting with a free online service that helps find a place for Mom.
I was very nervous about telling my Mother about moving her here. She did not want to live with us, and her dementia was evident, but her lack of autonomy was the most obvious thing: Macular degeneration and a general lack of physical strength and coordination. My plan was to move her right after the holidays. I lived 5 hours drive time away, but I went up every other weekend and started packing and throwing out stuff, sorting other things to give away. My sister did help me one weekend with that, and like so many selfish siblings, she selectively took an ancestor's wedding ring set, because she always wanted it and Mother promised it to her, and it's OK, don't you think? Bitch. And a few books from a 2 centuries old collection, and a few framed photos, and Chris, you take the rest. Yes, and store it at my house and I'll gradually toss things and "SAVE" things that have been saved for 90 years already.( I do not want to put coins in the jar.)
When we drove up on the final weekend to move all her furniture, I dreaded what I thought would be a confrontation. I had gone over it in my mind, the possible arguments countered by the matter of fact attitude I would have, "Oh, it's going to be great, Mom, and I will see you all the time, you'll be over at out house", etc. And I had nervous butterflies, or normal butterflies. But, I am brave. I face every fear I have, (except sky diving, and I faced skiing, and now I don't have to do that anymore). When I looked at Mother, it was as if an Angel had taken over her body, and she was her most Gracious and yielding. She said, "I thought about it, and I know it's the best thing." Wow. I was shocked and waited for the other shoe to drop, (as we do around here) maybe a tantrum out of the blue, or something to screw things up.
I had prayed about this, and I needed to trust if I was going to ask.
Three years later, no sky diving, but roller coasters and many worn out yo-yo strings. I cannot imagine what else would have worked. I am assuming it has worked the best it can with dementia and the history of our family. I am very hands on with my Mother's care. I have learned so much about forgiveness, about processing a lifetime of craziness. I have realized how very sane and healthy I am. It has to do with personality, character, and the soul's commitment. That is my take on it.
There were many months when I was a crazy person, when I thought I would die myself, when I hated everyone, especially myself. It took working through all those things and talking to my husband, and coming here, praying and meditating, to get to where I am now.
I still cry almost every time I am with my Mother, for many different reasons; for the way she is now, for the years I tried to have a relationship with her and she was not interested, for my childhood and my brothers childhoods and how very lonely and confused we were. For wanting her to be something she could never be, and for me wanting to be a daughter encouraged by her Mother, believed in by her, adored by her. It didn't happen until it didn't matter to me anymore. "Oh Well".
We all do the best we can, even the siblings who don't help, who advise but don't do because they "can't", or those who do evil things. I'm not sure about the evil thing.
Best to stay calm, be objective and slightly detached, do not over-react to anything, keep communication open and get as many people to help in whatever way they can.
I suppose I should not have gotten angry with my sister last spring and kicked her out of my house for saying her responsibilities are more important than mine. That really changed things--no more at my house after that for visits with Mother. That wasn't all that occurred, but through my extreme anger, I saw her true character, and it wasn't pretty: cowardice, shallow selfishness. Unfortunately, a trait my own Mother was famous for. I will say no more.
This is a rehash for some of you, and I apologize. Maybe someone new will get some insight from it. To me, it is like rereading a novel I was not especially fond of the first time I read it, and now I remember why. Let's move on, look to the future.
I signed up for classes last night. Looking for a math tutor, or maybe math-lobe-activator. I'm so excited to be one of the oldest kids in my college classes:)
We may have another slab leak, or the slab has a crack due to unmaintained Association retaining wall and the water is seeping in from below. It has only been 10 months since my floor was torn up, and now we have to deal with it anew. At least Mother is safe in another location. We had to move her upstairs for 2 weeks last February. She thought she was at a hotel.
Hope you all have a very Happy New Year. Love and Hugs to you all. Special prayers and Blessings for Ann's Mom, Linda's Pa, Kimbo's Dad, Diane's Mom and James, Captain's Charge, Selfish Sibling's Dad and Mom:), Enough's crazy mil, (NO OFFENSE) Golf and your entire course, including putting greens and sand traps, Cricket and your houseful, Austin and your needles, Deefer and Company, rip and dogs, Jen and Jen, Bj and dogs, wingnut sister, Rossella and your Lamborghini driving the Grand Prix to the Sea, Cuz, our late night comedian; Carolyn and your Mother, who inspired me to write this post in the first place. Memories, light the corners of my mind... But my brains are so big, there are very few corners to light up. Takes up all the space in my big German head. Ja wohl.
Love,
Christina xo
Rossella, a cd of the ocean sounds might be a good alternative for you to use for the times you are unable to go to the beach. I myself am not much of a beach person but I love garden sounds and years ago I bought a cd that has soft piano playing in the background and yard birds chirping and singing. I love to play it because it relaxes me the same way the ocean relaxes you. It's great for the days where I am just stuck at home.
Bee, a couple months back when I was having a really tough time dealing with Dad's manipulations and stubbornness I listened to a book about how to deal with difficult people and the book touched on the subject of stubbornness and explained how it is a form of desperation for control of ones life. Your Mom is probably in this phase. I think the more independent a person is throughout their lives the harder it is for them to let go and trust others. The anger is directed at the others for taking control away but it's really because of their frustrations with themselves because they don't know how to let go. You are doing the right thing for your Mother and eventually she will come to see it. "She needs reassurance on EVERYTHING! God forbid you need a moment to gather your own thoughts to be able to deal with her" I can totally relate! What helped me to disrupt the same pattern of behavior with Dad was I bought an ipod and earphone plugs and clipped it to my shirt and turned the volume up while listening to books. It slowed down his demands and started do more to figure things out for himself. It was better for both of us.
It has actually cooled down here in South Florida, down to the 50's haha don't hate me :) Today is a great day to make some homemade chicken soup.. now to put on my birds cd and get busy.
Love you all, Chirp Chirp Cricket