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Thanks everyone....ya'll have been talking me down from the ledge all evening. I am seriously considering not going. My sib is getting more hostile and shoots down every plan. Now, I think he wants to keep her there. (??!!)
Ted: they keep throwing around the acronym "AMA" ...I know what AMA is....they keep telling us that we can take her out at any time but it will be against medical advice and Mom would be responsible for the charges....Medicare works to keep this system in place at the hospitals.They give the doctors full authority and to keep you as long as they can trump up medical reasons.
It may well be that Mom is in her final days. But even if that is so (and I am not so sure) I would not want her to be in a hospital.
Maybe I need to take a giant step back and let God be God. I am so worn out....it has been several days of this. Mom's fall and health worry me enough...now we may have to deal with social services because this vindictive social worker is stirring the pot.
I just want to tell them to butt out....this is our mother and they need to respect her wishes.
Lilli, Sorry you're going through this from so far away. Something is very messed up with all this but I don't believe for a minute that the Hospital can keep your mom away from her Facility or from her Hospice care. You may also want to put a call into the facility itself and alert them that this is going down.
Yes, we contacted our "general attorney" ...he isn't in elder care law, but he just advised that we send the POA and that should be the end of it. A nurse in the ER called and told me that the EMTs said her living conditions were "messy" (untrue...they broke the door down to get to her and had stuff strewn around from their work) and it goes on and on.
Mom told them that she wanted to be released. They won't listen to her. The B. from Hell social worker keeps coming into the room and talking past my sib. They are trying to intimidate her and she is getting upset.
The doctor told me that he did not think that she should go home (WTH! not his mom) They were the ones that made her ill in the hospital. She was fine right before she went in.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time I had to "extract" my Mom from a hospital. Another time they kept her 10 days for observation...and when she was to be discharged they just could not find the attending.
Keep me the hell out of the hospital...you lose all rights the minute you walk through those doors and are admitted.
Lilli I wish i knew what to tell you -it sounds like you just need to get there ASAP and find out for yourself - "boots on the ground" as it were.
It seems something has put a bee in the hospitals bonnet, and you need to find out what it is.
Perhaps something happened at that facility - perhaps someone WAS discharged that shouldn't have been - that has everyone on edge?
Perhaps your Mom has some old bruises and this has them nervous? (Mom bruised like a peach - so do I - and so i called the dotors office and had them make a note of it each tim she fell or bumped hard enough to get a bruise -something I learned here.
Maybe Mom said something 'whacky' that is making them anxious? My mother would yell "I'M HUNGRY!" repeatedly right after she'd eaten, and swear she hadn't eaten for days. Imagine if she had done this in front of a health care worker.
Ii took Mom to the ER right after she ame to live with me (didn't have her a doc here yet) as it appeared her cellulitis had come back. The ER doctor GLARED at me like I'd done something horribly wrong - they admitted her for 3 days - and it turned out to be nothing but a case of dermatitis (probably from exposure to a new detergent)
You just need to get to the bottom of it - but right now just stop and take a deep breath. You have done nothing wrong - remember "No good deed goes unpunished" seems to be the mantra more and more lately, and it seems to me lately that the more we sacrifice as caregivers the more someone wants to point a finger and accuse us of doing something wrong! ARRRGGHHH!!!!
Wow, Lilli. I don't know. Do you have a lawyer? You might want to let him/her know what is happening. Sounds like a social worker with an out to get people attitude. How ridiculous!! You should not have to be going through this. Wow!! I hope others have some ideas for you.
That hospital certainly sucks, Lilli! Sorry excuses ~ Ted on phone. Says to surround your mother with any community connections she might have. Local churches, staff at her AL facility - make sure the social worker isn't affiliated with the place she lives. "Soldier up" Ted says. "They call them Social Workers ... They really should be called Sales People".
Rip says ... it is hard & exhausting. Especially from a distance.
I was getting ready to travel tomorrow to be with my Mom. She was supposed to be discharged tomorrow.
I get a call from my brother. The hospital's social worker came in and threatened my brother because she says that my Mom does not want to leave the hospital to go to hospice.
I am POA and am sending the docs to him now.
I had my sib ask for the ombudsman (something I learned here)
Every few minutes someone is coming into Mom's room and asking her if she really understands what she is doing. They are trying to say that she does not understand what she is doing.
Now they are trying to say she isn't getting the care she needs!!!!! The social worker just keeps saying to my bro, "I'm documenting everything."
From the very moment she was admitted, they have been asking questions about her care and quizzing me and my bro.
I am just frazzled....anything else I need to know.
I appreciate it!
Hospitals suck, doctors suck, social workers suck x2
Want a laugh brought on my sheer absurdity? Check out the HowTo Handle Awkward Incontinence Incidences article on this site. And to thinksomeone is being paid to write this nonsense while i sit here in need of a job. . .
Good Evening :) It's been beautiful here all day. Our high was only around 78, I love it when the breezes aren't so warm.
StillStanding, my condolences on your Mothers passing. Like Barb said it is like time is standing still when someone we love dies. I'm glad you have your family around. You have my prayers for comfort and peace.
Lilli, I have your back. Want me to come raise some hell for you? Just say the word. If the Doctor is pressuring you get a second opinion. Maybe see if the Hospital has a Geriatric Doctor available.
Diane, Diane, I'm glad to hear that James is hanging in there. If you end up with another one to care for please find a way to get some help. I can't even imagine trying to care for 2 adult people at the same time. You can have my Angels. Please take care of yourself. *Hugs*
Christina, That's it, I'm coming for dinner! :)
Hi Miz, RIP, Jen, Barb, AnnT, Carolyn, Austin, Rossella, Deef, Kimmie and Linda. Love you all. Chirp Chirp Cricket
I like the crows, too. They and the ravens are good totems. I talk to them When they are around. I am absolutely good for nothing today. Not forcing myself to do anything but clean up the kitchen and make the bed. Watched movies all day and had a bacon, tomato, avocado sandwich on wheat toast with mayo, salt and pepper, and a glass of milk. Wow. It is cold and dark, quiet and rainy, everything is gray. Mother sleeping all day too, so I'll go back mañana. Got out my capes and ponchos and boots and leggings. Omg. I am good for nothing. I am even too lazy to give you guys hugs today. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. Later. Zzzzzzzz
Oh Barb ....We were thinking of you as the downpour hit while in the forest. Little rivers gushing down our dirt trails so fast it wasn't even muddy! Thought of placing a leaves with everyone's trouble to float away. No crows but several eagles & some owls were probably watching.
OMG Diane please don't apologize for anything!!! You have your hands so full! I can only imgine how busy and sad and just wanting to scraam you must be!!!
I have noticed that some folks here are so vey good at addressing each person -Iam not like that - I'd have to go back and read the posts twice and then take notes before i did that - my brain just doesn't work like that!
I think too much emotion, stress, worry has shifted it into low gea for non-essential tasks, and thats Ok with me (for now anyway).
It was a beautiful day at the Potomac. We drove over to the Virginia side and down to Riverbend Park in Fairfax off va 7. The woods were quiet and peaceful, there were some fellas fishing and young couples with their kids. We sat and watched a tiny woodpecker skittle up and down the braches of a tree that hung over the river for a long time.
Nice, peaceful day - and ALL of our worries were sent downriver and should be well into the Chesapeake by now - unless one of those pesky crows got hold of them. (I actually like crows a lot - they seem so uninhibited). So if we still got troubles, I say BLAME THE CROWS.
SS, I'm so sorry for the terrible sadness you and your family are experiencing. Lilli, we will bail you out if need be. Bust in the joint and show'em who's boss! I have spent 4 hours at the hospital with James and I support everyone's decision about a DNR for the elderly that are suffering.
I met the cardiologist in the hall this morning and we had a chance to talk. James is still in a very critical stage and if they can ween him from the dopamine, ween him from the balloon assist pump and finally the ventilator, we will be in good shape. If his heart still can't pump enough on its owm, they will need to transport him the the Medical Univ of SC for a left ventricular assist pump to be implanted. Then from there they can apply to the heart transplant program. This is going to be a long road. So now I will be a caregiver for two.
I have to admit guys I have only glanced over the postings in the last week. I apologize if I don't address everyone. I know we each have our own issues each and everyday. I hope those of you that can get outside in the beautiful fall weather can do so. I'll keep you all in my prayers for an easy night.
Hope you are feeling stronger today SS. That first rush of pain eases as time goes by, but it feels like time is standing still when you are going through it. I hope our love and support will help to comfort you in the days ahead.
Christina, it's 3:30pm and I haven't had lunch yet so reading your post really stirred up my salivary glands. Goodness, just reading about it, I could almost taste it.
Rip, I enjoyed last nite so much. I went right to sleep and got up without a headache this morning. Wine and emailing is a great way to spend an evening!
My stepdaughter is coming over tonite and we're having pizza and a movie. My hub(her dad) and her hub are out of town on a job. So we're having a girls nite in. She watched mama for me this afternoon so I could go grocery shopping. It's a beautiful day here in GA. Temp around 70 and sun shining on the lovely fall leaves. It felt wonderful getting out for a couple of hours.
Speaking of leaves, Barb, yes put all our troubles on leaves and float them down the River of No Return. You can play the Marylin Monroe part.
Love you all. Have a pleasant afternoon if possible.
SS, I am so very sorry. Lilli, I hope that your decision making will flow smoothly and know you will do it with love and compassion. So much sad news right now. Right before the holidays too. Better get offa here before I start crying. Everyone hang in there. Angels to you holding you tight.
Have fun on the Potomac, Barb. Our street could handle a barge of trouble today for West coast. Rain and lots of wind. Hoping all of you have a special weekend; restful, healing, abundance in the important areas. If I were with you, I'd cook a huge platter of penne with caramelized onions, garlic, roasted asparagus, chicken, gorgonzola anc asiago cheeses, lots of perfectly golden garlic toast, and a fresh salad of romaine, arugala, tomatoes, avocado, green onions tossed with olive oil and lemon juice. Open up bottles of Chardonnay and Pinot Noir- and for teetotalers, I'll drink yours, no worries, a nice glass of Pellegrino on ice for you. And for dessert, a special canolli with Espresso. I woke up hungry. Haha. Well, I love to cook for my friends and family. I'm a universal mama. Love you girls. I'm going to put bacon in the oven this morning, a good brekkie for hb before golf. Yes, they are playing in the rain. Last year the group went to Cabo in a motorhome, but not safe with the machine gun toting guys in pick up trucks. Who knows what side they're on. Talk to y'all later. Hugs, Christina xo
Morning all. Looks like a beautiful fall day here in the east. Going to spend it down by the Potomac with my sweetie once it warms up a bit, maybe even a picnic, and will carry all of you there with me right in my heart. Maybe take ALL of our worries and troubles and put them on a big fallen oak leaf and send them down the river? Do you think the river could handle that?
Lilli we got your back we can all put that ol doc in the black hole-we know where it is-make noise until they listen to you and what is best for your Mom-act like a New Yorker
I put Mom's DNR on a whitebard/corkboard on the wall in her room. Having it on the fridge was too much for me. I mean the fridge is supposed to be a happy place right?
still: Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. My heart goes out to you right now. I know you will miss her. But she is whole again and feels no pain. Sending you hugs and prayers....Lilli
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Ted: they keep throwing around the acronym "AMA" ...I know what AMA is....they keep telling us that we can take her out at any time but it will be against medical advice and Mom would be responsible for the charges....Medicare works to keep this system in place at the hospitals.They give the doctors full authority and to keep you as long as they can trump up medical reasons.
It may well be that Mom is in her final days. But even if that is so (and I am not so sure) I would not want her to be in a hospital.
Maybe I need to take a giant step back and let God be God. I am so worn out....it has been several days of this. Mom's fall and health worry me enough...now we may have to deal with social services because this vindictive social worker is stirring the pot.
I just want to tell them to butt out....this is our mother and they need to respect her wishes.
That Cat!
Sorry you're going through this from so far away. Something is very messed up with all this but I don't believe for a minute that the Hospital can keep your mom away from her Facility or from her Hospice care. You may also want to put a call into the facility itself and alert them that this is going down.
Good luck and STAY STRONG!. Ted.
Yes, we contacted our "general attorney" ...he isn't in elder care law, but he just advised that we send the POA and that should be the end of it.
A nurse in the ER called and told me that the EMTs said her living conditions were "messy" (untrue...they broke the door down to get to her and had stuff strewn around from their work) and it goes on and on.
Mom told them that she wanted to be released. They won't listen to her. The B. from Hell social worker keeps coming into the room and talking past my sib. They are trying to intimidate her and she is getting upset.
The doctor told me that he did not think that she should go home (WTH! not his mom) They were the ones that made her ill in the hospital. She was fine right before she went in.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time I had to "extract" my Mom from a hospital. Another time they kept her 10 days for observation...and when she was to be discharged they just could not find the attending.
Keep me the hell out of the hospital...you lose all rights the minute you walk through those doors and are admitted.
It seems something has put a bee in the hospitals bonnet, and you need to find out what it is.
Perhaps something happened at that facility - perhaps someone WAS discharged that shouldn't have been - that has everyone on edge?
Perhaps your Mom has some old bruises and this has them nervous? (Mom bruised like a peach - so do I - and so i called the dotors office and had them make a note of it each tim she fell or bumped hard enough to get a bruise -something I learned here.
Maybe Mom said something 'whacky' that is making them anxious? My mother would yell "I'M HUNGRY!" repeatedly right after she'd eaten, and swear she hadn't eaten for days. Imagine if she had done this in front of a health care worker.
Ii took Mom to the ER right after she ame to live with me (didn't have her a doc here yet) as it appeared her cellulitis had come back. The ER doctor GLARED at me like I'd done something horribly wrong - they admitted her for 3 days - and it turned out to be nothing but a case of dermatitis (probably from exposure to a new detergent)
You just need to get to the bottom of it - but right now just stop and take a deep breath. You have done nothing wrong - remember "No good deed goes unpunished" seems to be the mantra more and more lately, and it seems to me lately that the more we sacrifice as caregivers the more someone wants to point a finger and accuse us of doing something wrong! ARRRGGHHH!!!!
Stay calm. Stay in touch. Be your Moms advocate.
Either the staff at the hospital is
love,
miz
Ted on phone. Says to surround your mother with any community connections she might have. Local churches, staff at her AL facility - make sure the social worker isn't affiliated with the place she lives.
"Soldier up" Ted says. "They call them Social Workers ... They really should be called Sales People".
Rip says ... it is hard & exhausting. Especially from a distance.
I was getting ready to travel tomorrow to be with my Mom. She was supposed to be discharged tomorrow.
I get a call from my brother. The hospital's social worker came in and threatened my brother because she says that my Mom does not want to leave the hospital to go to hospice.
I am POA and am sending the docs to him now.
I had my sib ask for the ombudsman (something I learned here)
Every few minutes someone is coming into Mom's room and asking her if she really understands what she is doing. They are trying to say that she does not understand what she is doing.
Now they are trying to say she isn't getting the care she needs!!!!! The social worker just keeps saying to my bro, "I'm documenting everything."
From the very moment she was admitted, they have been asking questions about her care and quizzing me and my bro.
I am just frazzled....anything else I need to know.
I appreciate it!
Hospitals suck, doctors suck, social workers suck x2
StillStanding, my condolences on your Mothers passing. Like Barb said it is like time is standing still when someone we love dies. I'm glad you have your family around. You have my prayers for comfort and peace.
Lilli, I have your back. Want me to come raise some hell for you? Just say the word. If the Doctor is pressuring you get a second opinion. Maybe see if the Hospital has a Geriatric Doctor available.
Diane, Diane, I'm glad to hear that James is hanging in there. If you end up with another one to care for please find a way to get some help. I can't even imagine trying to care for 2 adult people at the same time. You can have my Angels. Please take care of yourself. *Hugs*
Christina, That's it, I'm coming for dinner! :)
Hi Miz, RIP, Jen, Barb, AnnT, Carolyn, Austin, Rossella, Deef, Kimmie and Linda. Love you all. Chirp Chirp Cricket
No crows but several eagles & some owls were probably watching.
I have noticed that some folks here are so vey good at addressing each person -Iam not like that - I'd have to go back and read the posts twice and then take notes before i did that - my brain just doesn't work like that!
I think too much emotion, stress, worry has shifted it into low gea for non-essential tasks, and thats Ok with me (for now anyway).
It was a beautiful day at the Potomac. We drove over to the Virginia side and down to Riverbend Park in Fairfax off va 7. The woods were quiet and peaceful, there were some fellas fishing and young couples with their kids. We sat and watched a tiny woodpecker skittle up and down the braches of a tree that hung over the river for a long time.
Nice, peaceful day - and ALL of our worries were sent downriver and should be well into the Chesapeake by now - unless one of those pesky crows got hold of them. (I actually like crows a lot - they seem so uninhibited). So if we still got troubles, I say BLAME THE CROWS.
SS, I'm so sorry for the terrible sadness you and your family are experiencing. Lilli, we will bail you out if need be. Bust in the joint and show'em who's boss! I have spent 4 hours at the hospital with James and I support everyone's decision about a DNR for the elderly that are suffering.
I met the cardiologist in the hall this morning and we had a chance to talk. James is still in a very critical stage and if they can ween him from the dopamine, ween him from the balloon assist pump and finally the ventilator, we will be in good shape. If his heart still can't pump enough on its owm, they will need to transport him the the Medical Univ of SC for a left ventricular assist pump to be implanted. Then from there they can apply to the heart transplant program. This is going to be a long road. So now I will be a caregiver for two.
I have to admit guys I have only glanced over the postings in the last week. I apologize if I don't address everyone. I know we each have our own issues each and everyday. I hope those of you that can get outside in the beautiful fall weather can do so. I'll keep you all in my prayers for an easy night.
Love ya,
Diane
Christina, it's 3:30pm and I haven't had lunch yet so reading your post really stirred up my salivary glands. Goodness, just reading about it, I could almost taste it.
Rip, I enjoyed last nite so much. I went right to sleep and got up without a headache this morning. Wine and emailing is a great way to spend an evening!
My stepdaughter is coming over tonite and we're having pizza and a movie. My hub(her dad) and her hub are out of town on a job. So we're having a girls nite in. She watched mama for me this afternoon so I could go grocery shopping. It's a beautiful day here in GA. Temp around 70 and sun shining on the lovely fall leaves. It felt wonderful getting out for a couple of hours.
Speaking of leaves, Barb, yes put all our troubles on leaves and float them down the River of No Return. You can play the Marylin Monroe part.
Love you all. Have a pleasant afternoon if possible.
Ann
love,
miz
HugsCuz
Brenda, may your next few days be peaceful. Don't allow your sister to make things harder.
Be well ~