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StillStanding-I am so sorry about your Mom! Bless your heart! Just remember that even though she is not there physically, she will always be close to you in spirit! She will never be far away from you! Sending you much love and hugs!! Always here for you! Kim
I have a DNR on my fridge, and every time I look at it it just freaks me out, but I know it's what is best for mom. She is still too frail to have someone pumping on her chest. It would break her up inside. When the time comes tho it's going to be so hard not to try to save her in every way I can. I hate to even think about it.
So sad with Brenda's mom passing and Lilli's so ill. These end of life decisions are especially difficult if our loves ones haven't told us explicitly and repeatedly and hopefully even written down what it is they want. I have long ago done all of these things so my children won't be left with these issues.
With Mom my heart, my brain, my eyes told me their was no point in trying to prolong the inevitable with modern medecine. And as Kuli said, those last few days with my mom, as hard as they were,will always be some of the most precious moments of my life.
oh my lord , this is a sad night for us all , lili i am so sorry and hope you are surounded with bunch of angels , sending some of mine at your way . stillstanding - my heart is broken , sending some of my angels at your way and your mom is now in peace with her love ones up above . keep in touch and plz do come back . ure always a caregiver . love you ladies tons , xoxox
Hi everyone. I was thinking about you today as I was bouncing from phone call to phone call. I wanted to take a moment to update:
Mom went in for "observation"...now, not 2 days later, doctors are talking to me about "end of life" issues.
They gave us 3 options: 1) Angioplasty...to correct a "suspected" heart blockage...has many risks 2) Keep her in the hospital on IVs and meds 3) Hospice
In my heart, I know she is better off in her home with lots of TLC. If this is her time, then whatever she has left will be all about quality, not quantity.
I asked the doctor today, if he thought it was logical that the Mom I spoke and joked with, just a few days ago, did not complain of any ailments but, now, could now be on death's door? He didn't answer.
I don't blame them, they come from one hard-line mindset. They go to extreme measures to "fix" things. But, I have a holisitic approach and do NOT believe that we are just the sum of our parts.
So that is where it stands right now. Need to call my sib and figure a few things out. (The doc was pressuring to do the angio tonight!!!!) I think we all need to take a deep breath and think with our heads and hearts.
I will fly west tomorrow - am feeling the need to be there and to help make decisions...or to break into the hospital and kidnap my Mom (you will bail me out, won't you?)
But you, my friends, rock and have helped me through so many crazy times. So much of what I know about caregiving has come from this forum and from other caregivers who can scarcely spare the time...but continue to share.
I wish you a good evening...and I will update you when I return.
Brenda, you're in our hearts tonight. Good advice, Kuli. I know you still miss your dad. Jen, I'm glad you enjoyed something. You deserve a break mentally. Kim, I hope your pup recovers nicely with the antibiotic and can get that bad tooth pulled. Miz, thinking of you tonight. Hope you are ok. Diane, sounds like really good news about James. So glad. Linda, a special good nite to Pa. Hope he's dryer in the morning.
Hey Linda, Kimmy still here! Had to take one of the little dogs to the vet. Face was swollen and she has an infected tooth! On antibiotics and after ten days tooth will be pulled! Maisy likes to see Dr. Painter! Wish he was our doc! He is right in the middle of Wanamaker. She liked the car ride too! Others were jealous when we got back home!
Lilli, hope your Mom gets back home safe and sound! What an ordeal! So sorry you are having to endure all the BS!
Miz, I get down in the dumps every year when Mom's anniversary rolls around! It is very difficult to say the least! Hope that cloud lifts soon! Many hugs to you!
StillStanding- Thinking of you! Lots of hugs being sent your way! Will light a candle for your Mom, you and your family here also!
I am going to watch Harry Potter with Hannah! Husband off so hopefully we can watch the entire movie without interruption! We will see how it goes!
SS - So sorry to hear about your mom. Just be there and tell her everything you've every wanted to say to her. Tell her how much you love her, what a wonderful mom she's been, anything and everything you would want to hear at a time like this - even if some are not the entire truth. And pay attention to what she says, if she is talking at all. I was almost as amazed at being a part of the dying process as I was the first time I was involved in a birth in nursing school. And don't be afraid to call hospice when she doesn't seem right to you - that's what they are there for. You don't have to wait until you are convinced she's getting worse. The hospice nurse that took care of my dad at the end walked in that day and said now it's my turn to be the nurse and you can just be the daughter. It was such a relief for me to let someone else take that caregiver/nurse role over, administer the meds to keep him comfortable and just let me be there for dad. Hang in there. It's so very hard, I know, but what you're doing is such a wonderful thing for your mom. I don't think there's a more loving, caring, blessed thing we can do for our loved ones than to be there when they need us most. Will keep you all in my prayers ~ Kuli
stillstandin - im going to light the candle here in a bit for ur mom and for u too . it will stay burning till i go to bed and will relite it again tmr . big hugs to u dear and am sorry to hear that she be going anytime soon . heartbreakin times . big hugs ! xoxo lilli - i think that hospital may be using ur mom as a rat lab ? did went there cuz she fell ? now her bp is way too low ? is there a another hospital u can transfer her to ? that hospital is makin u upset and not likin whats going on , i would just have hertransfered over to another hospital and by law she can not be held hostage there . she can get up andleave anytime , they will run to u and say ins wont pay ifu leave blah blah , dont believe them cuz my dad has walked out of the hospital so many times and yep ins did pay for it . in fact i think ins is happy to save extra bucks . that went for nursing home too , they threaten me that ins will not pay for his month stay if i take him now , i laugh said i didnt care cuz im not payin the bill anyways , never got a bill anyways . you all stay out of the black hole ! i ll have to come and drag u out of it , kimmy - where are you ? tmr my ex sis in law is comin over to help me clean the house and move things around . shes good at it , i can do it but geeze all these plants i brought inside just sat there in a wrong place and seems i have no room for it ! so with her here she can say that needs to go there etc , that will; help me out alot ... you guys have a happy friday and be thankful that someone loves you ... xoxo
Just stopping in to say thank you for your prayers. James continues to improve with each day. The docs have decreased his oxygen and the balloon assist pump is now assisting every other breath instead of every breath. I plan to head over to the hospital shortly.
It looks like everyone is having their own trials it seems. I'll be thinking of you all. Have a good night.
BJ, I am praying for your Mom's peaceful release and transition. Strength and Peace to you, Dear Friend. Check in with us, we are here for you. love, christina xo
Regarding Jen's comments: HEAR, HEAR! Whoo Hoo, JenGirl!! About talking to doctors, caregivers in care home, nurses: while annoying Mother's doctor a couple of weeks ago on the phone, I asked him if I was one of the most dreaded 'responsible party' of his elderly patients. He said, "No, you are persistent, but you are no way close to my worst contact." I thought that was pretty nice, actually. Let's me know I have a little room before I am considered a bitch or unreasonable. Maybe I'll try it out this afternoon. Well, if we don't do it, who will? Continuing Healing Hugs to Kuli, Ann, 54--can't remember where the "j" goes--how are you and your husband doing?:) Also, huggy hugs to Miz--glad to see you, and U R always in my heart; LINDAHEART, speaking of hearts xoxo; MsM: Ms Gratitude Attitude Girl, the famous Austin/Maxine with a New York to the point state of mind; Diane the flexible one; Cricket and try not to fry it it's healthier that way--whoo hoo! Jen who is Somebody who is write on; Rip, cairn about her pets and friends; Lilliput the wise; Rosella Bella, Regina del Fuoco ( no, I am not being nasty) Cuz, the patron Saint of Laughter and other thoughts; cg, be here, too; and many we are missing... Captain, Ted, Pirate, Annie, CareShare, and many one hit wonders. Btw: my family has not found an oil yet to keep me from squeaking. heehee Love you all. Later, Christina xo
Sorry I've been MIA lately. I'm working on my attitude too like Christina. Also working on my health so I will feel up to caring for mama. I can't afford to let my self get this down. I've always been a glass half full kind of person until lately. So I've got some work to do.
I've been trying to keep up with you all.
Diane, I'm glad James is some better. Hope he continues improving. My heart goes out to you. Lilli, old folks don't do well in hospitals. Every time my mom goes for any reason, she loses ground physically and mentally. If at all possible I agree with the others that you need to get her home. Does she have hospice? If not try to get it. In the meantime, look for a patient advocate and when the Dr comes in lock the door til he really explains things to you. Barb, I'm thinking of you often. Hope job comes thru for your hubby. If it has and I've missed that post....congrats. Rip, love you girl!! Loving the pictures. Linda, you make me smile. Love you too. Cricket, hope things are looking up there too. Love you lots. Austin, how are you? How's your gentleman friend? Jen, you are so right about us being veterans of our own situations. You are very wise. Bee, hello! SS, I feel for you too.
So many of us are just overwhelmed lately and can barely do what is necessary for our charges, and we are finding it hard to keep up with the comments and post anything. Just know that like myself we love you guys who are so diligent about posting and it's comforting to know you are there even if we don't feel like writing ourselves.
The hospice medical team has just left and informed us that mother could pass at any time now. Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. I love you all!
Lilli, You have every right to demand that the Doctors, Hospital and Staff know that they are accountable to you for everything related to your Mom. Raise Hell if you have to and don't be shy about it. Keep your focus on being in charge of what your Mother is subjected to. The Hospital, staff and Doctors are hired by you and you have every right to fire them if you think it best. You can demand to be informed and require that they get authorization from you for any treatment can be administered. Ask questions and make informed decisions. Don't accept them giving you vague answers to blow you off. There is a lot of wisdom in the old saying Linda referred to "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", the more annoying the squeak the faster it is greased. Sending you and your Mom my support and love. Cricket
So much going on today with everyone. My heart is with you all.
Lilli OMG it seems your mom is being held hostage - is the hospital not busy enough? Make a racket - see the social worker, ask to see the head nurse, ask to see the patient bill of rights. All good suggestions. Steel your nerves.
YOU know what is best for Mom. I mean no disrespect to health care workers - but sometimes the policies put in place that govern their actions MUST be questioned. Squeaky wheel and all that. And now the weekend coming up and not much happens then . . .which might be a good thing.
An elderly neighbor friend fell and was taken to the ER about 5 yrs ago. Lovely independent lady who retired from the Smithsonian. I don't know what exactly was wrong with her - but they were going to transfer her post haste to a nursing home. She told her kids she would much rather die before going there - and she did. Died that night.
Especially since Mom's death I have more reason to believe in the power of the mind to control the 'when' of our death. I believe some people DO manage to wait for that last visitor, that last phone call, that last goodbye - that the will to continue to live - within reason - can keep someone alive a bit longer. Or, in the case of my elderly neighbor, perhaps allow them to check out a bit sooner.
Christina - you are so sweet! Like everyone else I bounce back and forth between positive and negative - but tend to stay on the positive side. Despite everything wrong in our personal lives and in the big wide world, I have love in my life. Kids love me. Cats love me. Husband loves me. I have a handful of dear friends and a sister and BIL who love me. These are things I am sooooooo grateful for. And the people who don't - like my STUPID, SHALLOW brothers who think cash/stuff/trips/etc are everyting? I like that stuff too and wouldn't mind having some of it - but I wouldn't trade places with those egocentric, selfish jerks for any amount of money.
Glad James is ? On the mend? or is it to early to know but if he is doing ok after first 24 hours that is a good sign... over medicating the elderly is like a theme unfortunately we can't do it at home so much...there is probably a reason they do it, and as for just trying to medicalize old age and dying good grief, I agree...They are OLD old means everything is...O L D ..you know then death, that is a part of life even Forrest figured that out.....You can not medicalize death away....Doctors I swear! beh... so we are NOT changing the rug....I just don't know..what ever, gonna go get library book fp meds and a lotto ticket eh 11 11 11 for what it's worth...Have a good vets day all, we are veterans of our own situations here...Keep Calm and Carry On....
Morning Dearest Friends, MsM: your first post this morning is an example of the message I was hearing this morning from Joyce Meyer, about Attitude. "Your Problem is not your problem; your attitude about your problem is your problem." YOU have a good attitude. At least, you project a good, positive attitude, and how else can we accomplish anything if we have a bad attitude? I am very guilty of a bad attitude this last year, off and on, and lately I have been intent on "Cleaning up my act". It is not easy with the resentment I have toward my sister, but that is not hurting her, it is only hurting me--well, and everyone in my wake. If I have been given the strength to be the sole caregiver in the family, while the weak ones stand by the wayside, then I must also muster the strength to have a good attitude. Maybe then I will lose weight. Maybe I will feel like singing and playing the piano again. Maybe I will look for the possibilities instead of what is wrong in my life. Whether you know it or not, God used you this morning to 'second the motion' of the lesson He was trying to get in my consciousness. :D Lilli: so sorry about your Mom. I was not here all day yesterday. I accidently let go and fell into the black hole and when I do that, I isolate from everything and everygroup. I'm praying, and yes, get her the heck out of there. Maybe some rice pudding or mashed potatoes, or even a banana to ease the pills on empty stomach. IDIOTS. Hubby left his hearing aids on island this morning, so I need to drive up right NOW and get them to him before his 6 meetings! I think he does not want to hear something, but I am not going to say anything. I need to support him intensely right now. He is starting up 3 separate projects/businesses all at once, and he is stressed. When it rains, you know. which it is about to do here, and hubby has not got his last 2 tires replaced because he has not been paid for 3 months. Today is the day, I think. More later. Gotta run. I like Sweet Tooth, btw on Pogo:)))Chris
Lilli what I would do is see the social worker assigned to her and let her know sheIS being taken weel cared for at home. Sometimes the PIC line is better than a regular IV some meds are very strong and hurt when flowing in but who signed for the PIC line-does the hospital have the paper-I can not think of it right with her wishes known. You might want to talk to the head nurse or what ever they are called now days I called mine care monsters. Ask her doc to write that she can have comfort food that way you can bring in what she likes-most doc if they have a heart will do that. Patients have bill og rights now. My Mom was tricked into signing a DNR and my sister would not leave the hospital until it was removed from her chart-my husband was also at one of the nursing home even though his health care directive was on his chart. Good luck with the hospital personall -just speak up as you need to and make sure no tests or proceedures are done without you being notified.
Good Morning, Everyone. Diane, I am so glad your boyfriend is doing better. Lilli, maybe your Mom does belong at home. Older people just seem to go down hill at the hospital so often. Would she be happier at home? It might be worth it. Especially since she has aides to help her.
Everyone, I am sorry I have been absent for so long. I have been so tired and so down. It's coming up on a year since Mom passed and the holidays are coming and I hate the Fall & Winter. I just have not had the energy or inclination to do much. I am not going to try to catch up on the posts. Just know that I love you and think about you. Christina, thank you so much for checking on me yesterday. :)
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These end of life decisions are especially difficult if our loves ones haven't told us explicitly and repeatedly and hopefully even written down what it is they want. I have long ago done all of these things so my children won't be left with these issues.
With Mom my heart, my brain, my eyes told me their was no point in trying to prolong the inevitable with modern medecine. And as Kuli said, those last few days with my mom, as hard as they were,will always be some of the most precious moments of my life.
stillstanding - my heart is broken , sending some of my angels at your way and your mom is now in peace with her love ones up above .
keep in touch and plz do come back . ure always a caregiver . love you ladies tons , xoxox
Mom went in for "observation"...now, not 2 days later, doctors are talking to me about "end of life" issues.
They gave us 3 options:
1) Angioplasty...to correct a "suspected" heart blockage...has many risks
2) Keep her in the hospital on IVs and meds
3) Hospice
In my heart, I know she is better off in her home with lots of TLC. If this is her time, then whatever she has left will be all about quality, not quantity.
I asked the doctor today, if he thought it was logical that the Mom I spoke and joked with, just a few days ago, did not complain of any ailments but, now, could now be on death's door? He didn't answer.
I don't blame them, they come from one hard-line mindset. They go to extreme measures to "fix" things. But, I have a holisitic approach and do NOT believe that we are just the sum of our parts.
So that is where it stands right now. Need to call my sib and figure a few things out. (The doc was pressuring to do the angio tonight!!!!) I think we all need to take a deep breath and think with our heads and hearts.
I will fly west tomorrow - am feeling the need to be there and to help make decisions...or to break into the hospital and kidnap my Mom (you will bail me out, won't you?)
But you, my friends, rock and have helped me through so many crazy times. So much of what I know about caregiving has come from this forum and from other caregivers who can scarcely spare the time...but continue to share.
I wish you a good evening...and I will update you when I return.
Lilli
Miz, thinking of you tonight. Hope you are ok.
Diane, sounds like really good news about James. So glad.
Linda, a special good nite to Pa. Hope he's dryer in the morning.
Thinking of you all tonight with love.
Hope little pup is doing OK.
Lilli, hope your Mom gets back home safe and sound! What an ordeal! So sorry you are having to endure all the BS!
Miz, I get down in the dumps every year when Mom's anniversary rolls around! It is very difficult to say the least! Hope that cloud lifts soon! Many hugs to you!
StillStanding- Thinking of you! Lots of hugs being sent your way! Will light a candle for your Mom, you and your family here also!
I am going to watch Harry Potter with Hannah! Husband off so hopefully we can watch the entire movie without interruption! We will see how it goes!
Love you all! XXOO Kim
lilli - i think that hospital may be using ur mom as a rat lab ? did went there cuz she fell ? now her bp is way too low ? is there a another hospital u can transfer her to ? that hospital is makin u upset and not likin whats going on , i would just have hertransfered over to another hospital and by law she can not be held hostage there . she can get up andleave anytime , they will run to u and say ins wont pay ifu leave blah blah , dont believe them cuz my dad has walked out of the hospital so many times and yep ins did pay for it . in fact i think ins is happy to save extra bucks . that went for nursing home too , they threaten me that ins will not pay for his month stay if i take him now , i laugh said i didnt care cuz im not payin the bill anyways , never got a bill anyways .
you all stay out of the black hole ! i ll have to come and drag u out of it , kimmy - where are you ?
tmr my ex sis in law is comin over to help me clean the house and move things around . shes good at it , i can do it but geeze all these plants i brought inside just sat there in a wrong place and seems i have no room for it ! so with her here she can say that needs to go there etc , that will; help me out alot ...
you guys have a happy friday and be thankful that someone loves you ... xoxo
Just stopping in to say thank you for your prayers. James continues to improve with each day. The docs have decreased his oxygen and the balloon assist pump is now assisting every other breath instead of every breath. I plan to head over to the hospital shortly.
It looks like everyone is having their own trials it seems. I'll be thinking of you all. Have a good night.
Love ya,
Diane
About talking to doctors, caregivers in care home, nurses: while annoying Mother's doctor a couple of weeks ago on the phone, I asked him if I was one of the most dreaded 'responsible party' of his elderly patients. He said, "No, you are persistent, but you are no way close to my worst contact." I thought that was pretty nice, actually. Let's me know I have a little room before I am considered a bitch or unreasonable. Maybe I'll try it out this afternoon. Well, if we don't do it, who will?
Continuing Healing Hugs to Kuli, Ann, 54--can't remember where the "j" goes--how are you and your husband doing?:)
Also, huggy hugs to Miz--glad to see you, and U R always in my heart; LINDAHEART, speaking of hearts xoxo; MsM: Ms Gratitude Attitude Girl, the famous Austin/Maxine with a New York to the point state of mind; Diane the flexible one; Cricket and try not to fry it it's healthier that way--whoo hoo! Jen who is Somebody who is write on; Rip, cairn about her pets and friends; Lilliput the wise; Rosella Bella, Regina del Fuoco ( no, I am not being nasty) Cuz, the patron Saint of Laughter and other thoughts; cg, be here, too; and many we are missing...
Captain, Ted, Pirate, Annie, CareShare, and many one hit wonders. Btw: my family has not found an oil yet to keep me from squeaking. heehee
Love you all. Later, Christina xo
I've been trying to keep up with you all.
Diane, I'm glad James is some better. Hope he continues improving. My heart goes out to you.
Lilli, old folks don't do well in hospitals. Every time my mom goes for any reason, she loses ground physically and mentally. If at all possible I agree with the others that you need to get her home. Does she have hospice? If not try to get it. In the meantime, look for a patient advocate and when the Dr comes in lock the door til he really explains things to you.
Barb, I'm thinking of you often. Hope job comes thru for your hubby. If it has and I've missed that post....congrats.
Rip, love you girl!! Loving the pictures.
Linda, you make me smile. Love you too.
Cricket, hope things are looking up there too. Love you lots.
Austin, how are you? How's your gentleman friend?
Jen, you are so right about us being veterans of our own situations. You are very wise.
Bee, hello!
SS, I feel for you too.
So many of us are just overwhelmed lately and can barely do what is necessary for our charges, and we are finding it hard to keep up with the comments and post anything. Just know that like myself we love you guys who are so diligent about posting and it's comforting to know you are there even if we don't feel like writing ourselves.
Love and Hugs to you all,
Ann
Lilli OMG it seems your mom is being held hostage - is the hospital not busy enough? Make a racket - see the social worker, ask to see the head nurse, ask to see the patient bill of rights. All good suggestions. Steel your nerves.
YOU know what is best for Mom. I mean no disrespect to health care workers - but sometimes the policies put in place that govern their actions MUST be questioned. Squeaky wheel and all that. And now the weekend coming up and not much happens then . . .which might be a good thing.
An elderly neighbor friend fell and was taken to the ER about 5 yrs ago. Lovely independent lady who retired from the Smithsonian. I don't know what exactly was wrong with her - but they were going to transfer her post haste to a nursing home. She told her kids she would much rather die before going there - and she did. Died that night.
Especially since Mom's death I have more reason to believe in the power of the mind to control the 'when' of our death. I believe some people DO manage to wait for that last visitor, that last phone call, that last goodbye - that the will to continue to live - within reason - can keep someone alive a bit longer. Or, in the case of my elderly neighbor, perhaps allow them to check out a bit sooner.
Christina - you are so sweet! Like everyone else I bounce back and forth between positive and negative - but tend to stay on the positive side. Despite everything wrong in our personal lives and in the big wide world, I have love in my life. Kids love me. Cats love me. Husband loves me. I have a handful of dear friends and a sister and BIL who love me. These are things I am sooooooo grateful for. And the people who don't - like my STUPID, SHALLOW brothers who think cash/stuff/trips/etc are everyting? I like that stuff too and wouldn't mind having some of it - but I wouldn't trade places with those egocentric, selfish jerks for any amount of money.
over medicating the elderly is like a theme unfortunately we can't do it at home so much...there is probably a reason they do it, and as for just trying to medicalize old age and dying good grief, I agree...They are OLD old means everything is...O L D ..you know then death, that is a part of life even Forrest figured that out.....You can not medicalize death away....Doctors I swear! beh...
so we are NOT changing the rug....I just don't know..what ever, gonna go get library book fp meds and a lotto ticket eh 11 11 11 for what it's worth...Have a good vets day all, we are veterans of our own situations here...Keep Calm and Carry On....
MsM: your first post this morning is an example of the message I was hearing this morning from Joyce Meyer, about Attitude. "Your Problem is not your problem; your attitude about your problem is your problem." YOU have a good attitude. At least, you project a good, positive attitude, and how else can we accomplish anything if we have a bad attitude?
I am very guilty of a bad attitude this last year, off and on, and lately I have been intent on "Cleaning up my act". It is not easy with the resentment I have toward my sister, but that is not hurting her, it is only hurting me--well, and everyone in my wake. If I have been given the strength to be the sole caregiver in the family, while the weak ones stand by the wayside, then I must also muster the strength to have a good attitude. Maybe then I will lose weight. Maybe I will feel like singing and playing the piano again. Maybe I will look for the possibilities instead of what is wrong in my life. Whether you know it or not, God used you this morning to 'second the motion' of the lesson He was trying to get in my consciousness. :D
Lilli: so sorry about your Mom. I was not here all day yesterday. I accidently let go and fell into the black hole and when I do that, I isolate from everything and everygroup. I'm praying, and yes, get her the heck out of there. Maybe some rice pudding or mashed potatoes, or even a banana to ease the pills on empty stomach. IDIOTS.
Hubby left his hearing aids on island this morning, so I need to drive up right NOW and get them to him before his 6 meetings! I think he does not want to hear something, but I am not going to say anything. I need to support him intensely right now. He is starting up 3 separate projects/businesses all at once, and he is stressed. When it rains, you know. which it is about to do here, and hubby has not got his last 2 tires replaced because he has not been paid for 3 months. Today is the day, I think. More later. Gotta run. I like Sweet Tooth, btw on Pogo:)))Chris
Everyone, I am sorry I have been absent for so long. I have been so tired and so down. It's coming up on a year since Mom passed and the holidays are coming and I hate the Fall & Winter. I just have not had the energy or inclination to do much. I am not going to try to catch up on the posts. Just know that I love you and think about you. Christina, thank you so much for checking on me yesterday. :)
love,
miz