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oh rossella ! like christina said raise ur hands and shout enuff !! damn it all ! so ur oven is bad ! am so sorry bet ur house was filled with smoke too , lucky the fire didnt spread like wildfires ! bridge party and solar oven . call me and i ll bring the wine ! yummie . boonefarm ok ? i know christina wants maragritta and austin wants straight tequila :-) lime too ? salt along the rim too ? yummie . we gota bring our parents and set em over by the barrels where they get nice heat from it , ill bring the wood and make sure it doesnt have posion oak on it . :-) there we re all set . we can use bobbie s boat to use the bathroom to shower and run back out under the bridge , on ur way back plz bring bobbie s coffee too . maybe the gator will mossey on over to me and i ll chop his tails ! we could cook that in the solar oven ! high heaven woo woo . windy day out here isnt it kimmy lou ? cold front is a comin when it does arrive i ll fire up that wood stove . oh gosh whats for supper . hubby just ask me . think i ll throw him a bone and maybe he ll be happy guy nawin on it . cricket ! are u still in the kitchen ? hee haw . love ya folks ! meow later xoxo
Christina, in fact I found it quite funny. I am just sorry I have no more ovens now. I hope I can give myself a new oven for Xmas. (as a present to myself). I was starting to cook good things! Barb: 6 months at the time is better than nothing... We have to start somewhere.
Rosella... I would raise my hands up to the Heavens and shout, "Enough, already!!", in my best Yiddish accent. Your kitchen scene goes beyond the ridiculous and tragic to comical and jaded. Oi Vey.
Rosella - the bridge parties sound nice - and I learned a long time ago in survivor training (Navy) how to build a solar oven so we're good. Sorry for the mess in the kitchen but it did make me smile.
A lot of companies these days are getting around paying any benefits by hiring you as an independent contractor aka flex employee. The job at A**P was/is like that. They contract you for 6 months at a time. Pay is good but no benefits. We have a friend who works for Marriot in the corporate office and he has the same deal - and both these organizations can well afford to pay benefits but do not out of choice. Stinks a mightly big stinky smell!
I'd like to say something to all of you but I will say something just to 2 of you. (you all said many beautiful things and I have nothing to add....) Diane: my father had a heart attack too, he survived, and I remember the doctors said that the first 24 hours are the riskiest ones; if you outlive the 24 hours there's good hope.... I think you are already past that crucial 1st day. Barb: yes it is very difficult to find a job after 50 (I am 54) and I have to start finding a new job, too. Otherwise the bridges are waiting for me, too. I have a house, but you can't live in a house if you can't pay the bills... I wish you and your husband the same good luck I wish to myself! Otherwise, we'll organize beautiful bridge-parties. We'll dance and cook good meals under the bridge. I had a minor ordeal tonight and I am going to tell you the story to make you smile. I had decided to bake a chocolate cake. I bought some days ago a silicon mold and I used it tonight. I filled it with the mix eggs-butter-flour and so on, and I put it into the electric oven. After 2 minutes the silicon went on fire, and I was lucky I was there, I switched off the oven immediately, threw the silicon mold and its content in the dish and extinguished the fire. You can imagine what was the kitchen like. Chocolate everywhere, on the floor, the table, everywhere. When the oven was cold I cleaned the oven (1/2 hour of work). Then I cleaned the kitchen (another 1/2 of work) and when everything was clean I put the mac-cheese in the oven for dinner. Fire again! Shoot, it was not the fault of the silicon. It was the fault of the oven! I switched off the oven again, I unplugged it and I said the oven "Bye bye" and I am going to throw it in the garbage tomorrow. I think that two fires in the same evening, and the kitchen which seemed Waterloo, was enough for the night. I cooked the mac-cheese in a pan.... The kitchen tools are rebelling to me, too. I am starting to be fed up by this steady rebellion by everybody.
Christina: So well written....and so much good "stuff" in your post. I am glad that you are able to reconnect with your bff again...tried that myself with no result. (friend bolted at the precise moment I became a caregiver) So sad to lose a friend that you thought of as a sister :o(
Rip: In my college years I had soooo many jobs...liked the variety, though. I just remember coming home from class, changing, going to one job, then another until midnight. Builds character, as they say. Some of my best memories are from the people I met in those years. In tough times, it pays to be versatile and do "whatever it takes." I had a professor who used to tell us that he had to do whatever it took to "keep body and soul" together. I like that.
Rip, Austin: so many good suggestions for Barb....I hope one of them works for her. Even if a temp. job does not cover everything, it will help some....many come with benefits.
Linda: love your "can do" spirit...I think it is a pre-requisite of a family caregiver. Even if Dad does not appreciate your sacrifice, we do!
And to everyone who is "just visiting," wishing you a calm day.
Check with your senior centers that is where many meals on wheels are sent out no weekends or driving in bad weather -they are given emergancy meals-The nursing home my husband was in most of the time of the 16 or so stints at rehab paid the aides 15 an hour about 4 years ago and they were picked up by a bus taken to and from the train.
Don't laugh one of my friends took a job at Home Depot as a temp and was hire and said their benefits were good. My daughter got burned out in social services and trained at a nursing home and is an aides at a good one and is happy.
No, don't do that, Barb, unless you really like owning a bed and breakfast on a daily basis. Here in California, for quite a while the banks are hiring older people due to their dependability, social skills, etc. How about Starbucks? I know what you mean about not making enough to support the basic monthly bills. Not worth it to spin your wheels. Home Depot?
I hear you about minimum not cutting it! I was shocked to see UPS is hiring seasonal workers at $8.50. That's some nasty work! They used to pay a decent wage! - again I drove for them one holiday season back in the dark ages. Too much cut throat corporate crap for this kid. another set of keys awaited my skills with the
hi Rip! I remember the bus drivers from middle school, which was the only time I took the bus. Walked to elementary and high school. I can still see the face of the man named George who was so sweet and pleasant, even through the rotten hoodlums throwing food and causing various problems. His face got very red, however, and sparks flew out of his eyes! I always remembered to Thank him when I got to my stop. Many of us did in those days. I wonder if kids do that anymore? They don't even know to write Thank you notes. My kids still do, even my 31 year old son. Makes me proud. I have often thought it would be a great thing to go into the school district and teach etiquette--but it would have to be a free service, as funding extracurricular has been diminished by state government. If I had some money, this is one thing I would do. When I am old, they will laugh at me anyway, so perhaps I will attempt to teach the lost art of social protocol. Even if one child is interested, it will survive.
You guys are too sweet!!! Thank you all so much. Problem with taking a job making minimum wage - for either husband or myself - is that it won't pay the bills. The mortgage, insurance, cars, utilities, credit cards, food . . . everything is has been down to minimum payments and neccessities a year back. (The only things we splurge on is an occassional meal out, a rented movie or used book).
I am a degreed teacher (secondary, social science), but haven't taught since 98 - and in my area teaching jobs - even as a sub - are primarily given to new graduates. I've been down this road. Civil service (Ft Detrick or federal jobs in DC) also. Been there - tried that. And my work as a cop/investigator was 20 yrs ago (also degreed in CRJ). There was a job 'on call' for cleaning up crime scenes on craigs list a while back . . .no thank you.
Husband has tried to go back to manufacturing - we've basically tried anything and everything that will pay a living wage - and he's had three wonderful, promising interviews for jobs he was absoluitely qualified for - but to no avail. Very likely they hired someone younger.
The only way I can think of in the short term to generate cash is to rent out the three unused bedrooms - but I can't seem to pull the trigger on that. i keep imaging what it would be like to have strangers, and their guests, families, pets, stuff, running amok in my house. Thoughts?
One of my favorite jobs was driving a school bus. Split shift allowed me to start the business. Weekends, holidays & summers off. Most of the kids were fun! Didn't bring home stress. Hung up the keys & was done for the day.
well said ladies ! u said it better than i did . isnt life great ! we are surounded by a very good advice and ideas , you guys are the greatest ! have a happy smiling face that we still have our health and we are somewhat healthy than most and i count my blessing everyday , i always tel myself well it could be worst and be thankful for what we have now . staying home all the time drives me insane but in my heart i rather be at home . where i am safe and protected . when dad goes to a better place i will have to go find a job . i will have to go to workone company and have them find me a job . small or large i ll take anything and learn a new skill . i will even clean motel rooms which i have done that before . it was nasty but hey i needed the money and it was aviable , was happy to see my paycheck , then i worked in hospital cafeteria did dishes etc , then i went to be a school cook and serve food perepared food and did dishes then come home im right back in the kitchen again , hated it , then i worked in a factory that made ball barrings i liked it till they n longer needed me . then went to work for plastic molding and did it for 10 yrs . it tore my body up . for years till dad ask me to quit my job and care for him . lost my 401 k lost my paycheck lost my taxes lost everything but i gain dad s love and safetly . i get to cherrish every moments with dad and i am going to keep on cherrish it . there is jobs out there ya just gotta go into manpower , unemployment office , they will help u find a job . small or large is better than nuthin . a guy used to play colt football . he couldnt play anymore cuz of his injury , he works with my husband in a steel factory . hubby ask him why are u here ure suppose be rich man . he said money s all gone . the more u make the more u spend , less u make we strugle and barely gettin by and we use the money wisely . one day at a time . like christina said YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ! lalala ..... xoxo
Morning all. I did not mean to post what I did last night, but something bigger than I did it. I was trying to make a point that we all know about Beginnings and Endings, and they are similar. Life opening and life closing in again. Self awareness expanding into other awareness and then back again. Anyway, things happen the way they are supposed to, we just need to do what we can and leave the rest to whatever you believe is running things. Diane and MariesMom: When it rains it pours. When things get overwhelming, I can almost feel a giant woodpecker knocking on my head. Whether you believe in God or Karma, this is when faith and belief kicks in. It is an odd dichotomy, feeling as if the world is falling down around one, and on the other hand knowing or hoping it will work out. Sometimes it is at the eleventh hour that the answer comes. Know many of us are praying for you, and God already knows what He's going to do to help you. Yesterday sister came to see Mother and said to the caregivers as she left, 'I might be back next week.' OK. My daughter took off early from work and met me there later. Mother was happy, enjoyed her candy, and I realize she is speaking better, but cannot find the subject of her sentences, makes up an alien word. I cannot even repeat them, I wouldn't know how to spell it. But, I use my intuition to decipher, just as we knew what our two year olds were saying at one time. My girlfriend from high school called last night. We have been BFs since 9th grade. We were estranged for 13 years, but I found her when I was on FB, and faced my fears about contacting her. This was February 2010, so it's almost 2 years. We have not seen each other yet, but we are closer than ever, because we grew up together, we know each others foibles, we share spiritual values. We are going to get together soon, which will be a marathon of every emotion and expression you can think of. Sigh. What a gift:) Cricket: you are pretty aware! haha! If we can remain in a state of heightened awareness for some part of each day, as in prayer or meditation to start the day, that is a good discipline, but our human brain makes it a chore. Random distractions and all that. Bruce Lee illustrated to a student who wanted to 'be like him': "Here are two glasses of water. One holds my knowledge, the other holds your knowledge. If you are to learn what I know, you must first empty your glass to fill it with mine." or something like that. We must empty the garbage: the negative attitudes, memories, excuses, habits, and fill it with good stuff. Ephesians 4:23 Whoa, I was in the black hole for a couple of days, earthquakes and all and the rain, and I guess I jumped on the trampoline. sorry if I sounded preachy or offended anyone:( Well, I have been trying to do healthy things for my mind and body, and maybe it will work. Have not been drinking wine since last week sometime, but have not lost an weight yet. Been walking and eating healthy, but I think I bought a couple of packages of Peeps on sale from Halloween and ate them. But that is the end of it. Really. I am praying for all of you in pain, worried about finances (me too), troubles with relationships (me too) and sending all my Love to all of you dear friends: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! GROUP HUG:) Christina xoxo
Msm: I can feel your frustration. I am the "fixer-upper" to in our entire family, and it is sometimes exhausting...whadda' ya' do when you need a fixer-upper?
Interestingly, when I am hanging by my last thread, something always happens, out of the blue, to help - something that you don't see coming. With me, tough times make me panic at first, then I get mad, then I want to get even so I start thinking outside the box.
Here are a few suggestions (many of which I am sure you have already considered.)
- If you or the hub have an edcuational background or experience in certain areas, you can teach part time at a community college. So many have trade programs where you can offer your expertise. If you feel comfortable teaching online, you can teach for any college in the country.
- take whatever services and help the government programs have to offer. I assume that the hub is on unemployment. Do not be embarassed to ask what other things are available in your community and use them. You and your hub have paid into the system all these years and this economy is not our fault...so it's time for pay back.
- Can you do a reverse mortgage on your home? My cousin did this and it worked well for her. I am hoping that it is a way to save your home. Then I believe that you can start paying the "loans" back when your hub is back at work.
- Can you get a temporary job locally - just to tide you over. As Linda said, I would look at my skills and adapt them into another job area that you may have not considered before.
- Can a friend (or family member?) offer you a temporary loan. If the situation was reversed, I know you would do the same for them in a heartbeat.
I am so sorry that this came along on the heels of losing your Mother. Caregiving makes you feel as if there is a big shoe hanging over your head, waiting to drop at any minute. As you said, if we continue to erode the middle class (who supports the other two classes) we are all going to be in the same boat.
I know that you are not a prayer kinda gal, but I will pray that when the phone rings, it will be your hub with good news. Look at it this way, it is like the law of physics: nothing good can stay up forever but nothing bad can stay down forever either. You are due a break!
cricket - big hugs to you dear , ure doing excatly what im doing ! hi dad ! good morning . nasty rainin outside , i opened the door and wheeled him up ro it . see thrthe glass door leaves all covered the sidewalk and its raining . leaves all over his best blue ford he ever owns . that perke dhim up to see his van . lalala head toward the kitchen . hey pa how about some coffee ? yeah yeah his eyes were so big and watch every move i made . hand him food and sat with him and ate with him . all smiles . oh lalalala . told him today is weds the 8 th of nov , he sat there thinkin a bit . soon thanksgiving pa !! all kinds of yummies comin soon . oh yes good food ! he says ,,, then id wash dishes and he would watch every move i make , he loves that . pep talk and smile and try to be funny , puts everybody in a good mood . dont do any good to be down in the dump cuz ya just draggin em down with ya . then id run in garage to smoke if i needed to get away , lol .. looks like i just want to take a nap and i may do that too cuz pa is sleeping like a baby in recliner chair , he sleeps durin the day and is awake all night , i dont even hear him anymore at night cuz tv keeps him company and so does pasty cline . hope flex got some sleep and james perkin up stronger each day , love you all xoxox
Diane, You and James have my heartfelt prayers. Please try to get some rest before you collapse. I know what it's like not getting sleep. I went through that when I cared for my MIL until her passing and it took me about a year to physically recover from it. I will continue to keep you safe in my thoughts and prayers. Diane, I'm sending you peaceful vibes and love.
All my family here, After much venting and soul searching I've come to the conclusion that I need to just suck it up and keep moving forward. I think I will look for a book on how to deal more effectively with passive aggressive people and make it a project for me. I definitely need to move in this direction. Caregiving is going to help me redefine who I am. I'm going to make sure it makes me a better, stronger, more forgiving and love filled person. I am amazed at how long I've taken and suffered through this with my Dad. This is a huge challenge for me but I realize "the only way through is going through the door".
When I think of how I feel about how my father treats me I remember that my true heavenly Father has always treated me with love and understanding. I do understand that my Dad doesn't fully realize how hurtful his actions are and that it is a learned behavior on his part that is all part of his "survival method" and this helps me to forgive and let go. I know I can only change myself and Ann I to believe that it's not what happens to us, but how we react that counts.
I feel more peace today. This morning when I met Dad in the kitchen I met him with a cheerful "good morning Dad" and a smile. I am continuing to pray for inner peace and calmness but most of all "awareness". Living in awareness is a real challenge. I need to stay focused and aware of Dad's subtle ways when interacting with me so I "can" learn to set my boundaries and uphold them with love, not anger. Please keep me in your prayers to help me do this. I feel the tears coming on the more I talk about this and my hubby is waiting for me to make breakfast so I'm off for now. Love you all, Cricket
mariesmom . maybe that is a sign for u to head for ur moms house and start a new there . you have paid all ur love toward to the needy and helpin out to others and reaching out to help and i say that moms house is a place for who is struggling . pack up what all you have and go stay in ur moms house and start a new . that is prob the route you re suppose to take . if mcdonalds are not hiring then i would go to dad s trailer if i have to . dad has a trailer for us family to go if we ever ned a roof over our head , but when he s gone that trailer will be gone too . your moms house is still there and she did say to share it with family in needed a place to stay ... dont wait till u end up not havin any money for gas to move there . talk to ur girls and let them know what they think about the situations , they ll prob freakout i aint moving ! not leavin my friends behind waa waa . awwww . well hell damn if u do damn if u dont .... if it was me . i would go to my parents home . home is where the heart is ..... i would not want to live under the bridge , as i see many families are at . i hear it all the time in the news . so so sad . they have no place to go , u re lucky u do have a place to go , its ur moms house . love you girl . xoxoxo
Morning all - Linda, you and James are very much in my thoughts today.
Just waiting here for the phone to ring . . .going to have THE conversation end of day if it does not.
It is an ongoing nightmare that so many people like my husband - accomplished, educated, experienced, honest, NICE - are gongthrough. You can't MAKE someone hire you. All you can do is try and try again - but the longer it takes the harder it gets until there is really no where left for one to look.
So a person who has provided for their family (and lets not forget my Mom, whose care cost us tens of thousand out of our own pocket), paid cash to send their kids to college, paid all their bills and taxes on time, given to charity, blood drives, hurricane drives (he once shut down his plant for a full shift so that the workers could load a truck with post-hurricane supplies on the gulf coast) - is now days away from going into foreclosure, has no health insurance, will soon have to start selling possessions just to put gas in the car and food on the table (and we don't have any jewelry or art or anything that would fetch more than a few dollars at a yard sale), and then what?
OMG. I am trying to stay positive but it is what it is and I have run out of ideas what to do about it. Just venting here. I know this is not an unemployment forum. I know it is not the end of the world. But i look around at my little comfortable, warm house and my little old cats and the pictures of my girls and my grandson and I want to scream! But i can't because he's counting on ME to figure it all out - because I always have. Sigh . . .and so when they talk about the 'destruction of the middle class' they are indeed talking about us.
I'll be better later - I'll think of something. Love you guys.
Annt when I realized it was not my JOB to make the husband happy I felt better.Now it is my Mom who is the problem I can talk to her on the phone but when with her in person she has to be so mean to me as she was when I was growing and I have accepted that I just can not be around her by myself-I am going out there before Christmas mostly to see my sister and bil and am not going to stay with Mom -I will stay with my sister and finally realize it is not me that is the problem-maybe all those years with the husband taught me something-I am not accepting other hurting me any more as Dr Phil says I do not deserve to be treated that way. I am so glad we can vent here and other get us.
Oh my goodness.....Cricket, I hear you. I have no advice but I understand and empathize. I'm so glad you are able to vent here. Sometimes in the venting we work out our problems. Just saying it or writing it sometimes brings clarity to the situation. At least it did for me last week. I was really in a funk. I'm seriously working on my own attitude knowing that I can't change hers. They say that it's not what happens to us it's our reation to it. Well I'm working on changing my reaction. Not easy and sucks like a sump pump, but I have to do something. I hope you feel better about the situation soon. It's terrible feeling this way.
Diane, I'm so sorry about your b/f. I hope he gets better soon. One more worry on you. Be strong honey. You will be ok. Hopefully he will too.
Austin, your husband sounded much like my mother. These are difficult people to please. They expect you to make them happy when only they can do that. Like Cricket's dad. They suck you into this vortex of trying to please them and dealing with their passive aggressive behaviors and guilt trips.We keep falling for it because we are caring people and worry about them. And don't think they don't know it on some level. My mom would never ask my brother to do what she expects me to do. I am slowly changing her expectations. She's not happy about it, but it won't kill her to do more for herself. As long as it doesn't put her in danger.
I'll check back with you all tomorrow. Have a good evening. Love you all.
I've been up for nearly 48 hours straight, so forgive me if I'm not making sense. My b/f James is still holding on. He had a really bad heart attack and cardiamic shock and was not expected to live through the heart cath this morning. Thank you for you prayers because at this point he is fighting tough odds and it is completely in God's hands. Every hour that he is alive improves his chances of survival. He is on a ventilator and a balloon assist whatyamacalit. The jury is still out as to whether he has pneumonia or not. Please continue to pray for James as he has a long road ahead of him.
Hello friends, Had a lot of stuff to do last two days and if I get on my laptop I don't get anything done. Kuli, you sound good. You're one of a bunch of strong ladies I know. Cricket in a frying pan: I read your vent . Sounds familiar. Lots of fantastic responses and advice, as usual here. Sincere and heartfelt. Such a slice of heaven, you girls:) Remember the old movies that would end with the camera lens shrinking the scene down to a dot? Similar in my mind to a reverse of "light at the end of tunnel." Also the opposite of what life looks like with macular degeneration. I am leading up to my response about manipulative parent(s). I had many years of hurt and disappointment in the relationship with my Mother. I could never figure it out; why was she so preoccupied with herself, always angry, impatient, disinterested in her children, not encouraging. Took me forever to accept that she was never going to be like what I saw in other people's Mothers. Pretty weird when strangers are kinder and more interested than one's own family. This last year, even 6 months ago, I related to what you are all saying. Now, I have no animosity left for my Mother, as she is no longer able to adequately manipulate. Recently, I have thought, maybe this is what the struggle has been all about, in my view, what God had planned for our relationship. I don't know, it is just a thought. As babies become aware of their toes, when they figure out the attention they receive, repeatedly, from crying, and the terrible twos self-focus, not wanting to share, cooperate with others, etc.---doesn't it remind you of our elders? One good thing I recall-- and it can be corroborated by relatives who like me, my cousins--I was a generous sharer, I comforted my baby brother at age 3, I obeyed willingly. This tells me that as an elder, I will be free from "manipulative cantankerosity." I cannot imagine any one of us will be difficult to take care of, even if one of us gets dementia. I think my Mother must have had early stages of dementia in her 50s. She behaved consistently in a way to benefit herself, make herself look good, and tried to put a guilt trip on anyone who didn't take her seriously. I am at a point, when I see her, between "do-over", and "let it go". I know the right answer.
Cricket, I have seen that the answers are very different.... Maybe mine has been the cruellest from them all! I think it depends on the relationship we had with the parent we have to take care of. And of course some of us are more patient, some are less patient... I think anyway that everyone of us should find the point of "danger", that is the point where your own life is at risk. When you feel you are reaching that point, I think you have to do something for yourself, at least for a period of time, and recharge the batteries. yes Berlusconi is going away!!!!! that's a good new. It doesn't mean we'll become a rich country again! Not in the short run, anyway
Thanks Austin, it really helps to know others really do get it. All the venting I did today, and I did a lot of it, really has helped me. I know that this is something that I must learn to deal with better and that any change can only come from within myself. I am so grateful that I can come here to vent and get support. It is a real comfort. Thank you all for the hugs and comments. It means more than you know.
Cricket my husband was like your Dad only he did not have dementia he just wanted my attention when we had aides he would waste their time and ask me to do what they should have done after they left I had to finally decide to place him but he had another either real or imagined fainting spell and did not come out of it and did die before medicaide was in place-what I had to do is seperate myself as much as possible from him by leaving the room -I also learned to pretend not to hear him and realized when he was real angery he could do things for himself so there were times I used that for my benefit and let him get angery just to get some peace and quiet for a while. I was going to a therapist and kept complaining to her why others could not see what I was going through and she said to me-you expect others to rescue you and that is not going to happen -at first I was real upset with her but realized she was right and one time he was in rehab and we had a family meeting and I just said I can not take care of him any more and the nurses and PT. and social workers all agreed with except my husband and he said no and I said it was not his choice-we started the medicaide paperwork and as I said he died soon after starting the process-I know how you feel and encourage you to vent and the group here will help you cope and you will know when it is time for you to say I can no longer do this and you will get support as I did.
cricket know what you mean it goes on day in day out and it is routine but sometimes it just builds up and that is IT not one more thing..then there you are screamin at the walls...well They Listen...Don't They?....;)
agree with kuli too, keep venting safe braincell mileage....
Hope Diane's boyfriend is doing ok...just one more thing eh hope he is Ok by hols, that is always a hassle... Hi to deef, rip,cricket, bobbie,cuz,msm,Linda,kuli,54, Rosella (under any administration),miz,Christina,whack a mole, Austin, Ted ? Kso, Lilli, annt,cq,Pirate, Peach and everyone else here at Grossed...
what do you mean there isn't a whack a mole I was sure I saw that somewhere...
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bridge party and solar oven . call me and i ll bring the wine ! yummie . boonefarm ok ? i know christina wants maragritta and austin wants straight tequila :-) lime too ? salt along the rim too ? yummie . we gota bring our parents and set em over by the barrels where they get nice heat from it , ill bring the wood and make sure it doesnt have posion oak on it . :-)
there we re all set . we can use bobbie s boat to use the bathroom to shower and run back out under the bridge , on ur way back plz bring bobbie s coffee too . maybe the gator will mossey on over to me and i ll chop his tails ! we could cook that in the solar oven ! high heaven woo woo .
windy day out here isnt it kimmy lou ? cold front is a comin when it does arrive i ll fire up that wood stove .
oh gosh whats for supper . hubby just ask me . think i ll throw him a bone and maybe he ll be happy guy nawin on it . cricket ! are u still in the kitchen ?
hee haw . love ya folks ! meow later xoxo
Barb: 6 months at the time is better than nothing... We have to start somewhere.
A lot of companies these days are getting around paying any benefits by hiring you as an independent contractor aka flex employee. The job at A**P was/is like that. They contract you for 6 months at a time. Pay is good but no benefits. We have a friend who works for Marriot in the corporate office and he has the same deal - and both these organizations can well afford to pay benefits but do not out of choice. Stinks a mightly big stinky smell!
Diane: my father had a heart attack too, he survived, and I remember the doctors said that the first 24 hours are the riskiest ones; if you outlive the 24 hours there's good hope.... I think you are already past that crucial 1st day.
Barb: yes it is very difficult to find a job after 50 (I am 54) and I have to start finding a new job, too. Otherwise the bridges are waiting for me, too. I have a house, but you can't live in a house if you can't pay the bills... I wish you and your husband the same good luck I wish to myself! Otherwise, we'll organize beautiful bridge-parties. We'll dance and cook good meals under the bridge.
I had a minor ordeal tonight and I am going to tell you the story to make you smile. I had decided to bake a chocolate cake. I bought some days ago a silicon mold and I used it tonight. I filled it with the mix eggs-butter-flour and so on, and I put it into the electric oven. After 2 minutes the silicon went on fire, and I was lucky I was there, I switched off the oven immediately, threw the silicon mold and its content in the dish and extinguished the fire. You can imagine what was the kitchen like. Chocolate everywhere, on the floor, the table, everywhere. When the oven was cold I cleaned the oven (1/2 hour of work). Then I cleaned the kitchen (another 1/2 of work) and when everything was clean I put the mac-cheese in the oven for dinner. Fire again! Shoot, it was not the fault of the silicon. It was the fault of the oven! I switched off the oven again, I unplugged it and I said the oven "Bye bye" and I am going to throw it in the garbage tomorrow.
I think that two fires in the same evening, and the kitchen which seemed Waterloo, was enough for the night. I cooked the mac-cheese in a pan....
The kitchen tools are rebelling to me, too. I am starting to be fed up by this steady rebellion by everybody.
Rip: In my college years I had soooo many jobs...liked the variety, though. I just remember coming home from class, changing, going to one job, then another until midnight. Builds character, as they say. Some of my best memories are from the people I met in those years. In tough times, it pays to be versatile and do "whatever it takes." I had a professor who used to tell us that he had to do whatever it took to "keep body and soul" together. I like that.
Rip, Austin: so many good suggestions for Barb....I hope one of them works for her. Even if a temp. job does not cover everything, it will help some....many come with benefits.
Linda: love your "can do" spirit...I think it is a pre-requisite of a family caregiver. Even if Dad does not appreciate your sacrifice, we do!
And to everyone who is "just visiting," wishing you a calm day.
Lilli
$15 something an hour, their vehicle.
Like so many jobs it's "Who you know". She had connections.
I was shocked to see UPS is hiring seasonal workers at $8.50. That's some nasty work! They used to pay a decent wage!
- again I drove for them one holiday season back in the dark ages. Too much cut throat corporate crap for this kid.
another set of keys awaited my skills with the
Problem with taking a job making minimum wage - for either husband or myself - is that it won't pay the bills. The mortgage, insurance, cars, utilities, credit cards, food . . . everything is has been down to minimum payments and neccessities a year back. (The only things we splurge on is an occassional meal out, a rented movie or used book).
I am a degreed teacher (secondary, social science), but haven't taught since 98 - and in my area teaching jobs - even as a sub - are primarily given to new graduates. I've been down this road. Civil service (Ft Detrick or federal jobs in DC) also. Been there - tried that. And my work as a cop/investigator was 20 yrs ago (also degreed in CRJ). There was a job 'on call' for cleaning up crime scenes on craigs list a while back . . .no thank you.
Husband has tried to go back to manufacturing - we've basically tried anything and everything that will pay a living wage - and he's had three wonderful, promising interviews for jobs he was absoluitely qualified for - but to no avail. Very likely they hired someone younger.
The only way I can think of in the short term to generate cash is to rent out the three unused bedrooms - but I can't seem to pull the trigger on that. i keep imaging what it would be like to have strangers, and their guests, families, pets, stuff, running amok in my house. Thoughts?
Didn't bring home stress. Hung up the keys & was done for the day.
It was long ago ....
isnt life great ! we are surounded by a very good advice and ideas , you guys are the greatest !
have a happy smiling face that we still have our health and we are somewhat healthy than most and i count my blessing everyday , i always tel myself well it could be worst and be thankful for what we have now .
staying home all the time drives me insane but in my heart i rather be at home . where i am safe and protected .
when dad goes to a better place i will have to go find a job . i will have to go to workone company and have them find me a job . small or large i ll take anything and learn a new skill . i will even clean motel rooms which i have done that before . it was nasty but hey i needed the money and it was aviable , was happy to see my paycheck ,
then i worked in hospital cafeteria did dishes etc , then i went to be a school cook and serve food perepared food and did dishes then come home im right back in the kitchen again , hated it , then i worked in a factory that made ball barrings i liked it till they n longer needed me . then went to work for plastic molding and did it for 10 yrs . it tore my body up . for years till dad ask me to quit my job and care for him . lost my 401 k lost my paycheck lost my taxes lost everything but i gain dad s love and safetly . i get to cherrish every moments with dad and i am going to keep on cherrish it .
there is jobs out there ya just gotta go into manpower , unemployment office , they will help u find a job . small or large is better than nuthin .
a guy used to play colt football . he couldnt play anymore cuz of his injury , he works with my husband in a steel factory . hubby ask him why are u here ure suppose be rich man . he said money s all gone . the more u make the more u spend , less u make we strugle and barely gettin by and we use the money wisely . one day at a time .
like christina said YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ! lalala ..... xoxo
Diane and MariesMom: When it rains it pours. When things get overwhelming, I can almost feel a giant woodpecker knocking on my head. Whether you believe in God or Karma, this is when faith and belief kicks in. It is an odd dichotomy, feeling as if the world is falling down around one, and on the other hand knowing or hoping it will work out. Sometimes it is at the eleventh hour that the answer comes. Know many of us are praying for you, and God already knows what He's going to do to help you.
Yesterday sister came to see Mother and said to the caregivers as she left, 'I might be back next week.' OK. My daughter took off early from work and met me there later. Mother was happy, enjoyed her candy, and I realize she is speaking better, but cannot find the subject of her sentences, makes up an alien word. I cannot even repeat them, I wouldn't know how to spell it. But, I use my intuition to decipher, just as we knew what our two year olds were saying at one time.
My girlfriend from high school called last night. We have been BFs since 9th grade. We were estranged for 13 years, but I found her when I was on FB, and faced my fears about contacting her. This was February 2010, so it's almost 2 years. We have not seen each other yet, but we are closer than ever, because we grew up together, we know each others foibles, we share spiritual values. We are going to get together soon, which will be a marathon of every emotion and expression you can think of. Sigh. What a gift:)
Cricket: you are pretty aware! haha! If we can remain in a state of heightened awareness for some part of each day, as in prayer or meditation to start the day, that is a good discipline, but our human brain makes it a chore. Random distractions and all that. Bruce Lee illustrated to a student who wanted to 'be like him': "Here are two glasses of water. One holds my knowledge, the other holds your knowledge. If you are to learn what I know, you must first empty your glass to fill it with mine." or something like that. We must empty the garbage: the negative attitudes, memories, excuses, habits, and fill it with good stuff. Ephesians 4:23
Whoa, I was in the black hole for a couple of days, earthquakes and all and the rain, and I guess I jumped on the trampoline. sorry if I sounded preachy or offended anyone:( Well, I have been trying to do healthy things for my mind and body, and maybe it will work. Have not been drinking wine since last week sometime, but have not lost an weight yet. Been walking and eating healthy, but I think I bought a couple of packages of Peeps on sale from Halloween and ate them. But that is the end of it. Really.
I am praying for all of you in pain, worried about finances (me too), troubles with relationships (me too) and sending all my Love to all of you dear friends: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!
GROUP HUG:)
Christina xoxo
Interestingly, when I am hanging by my last thread, something always happens, out of the blue, to help - something that you don't see coming. With me, tough times make me panic at first, then I get mad, then I want to get even so I start thinking outside the box.
Here are a few suggestions (many of which I am sure you have already considered.)
- If you or the hub have an edcuational background or experience in certain areas, you can teach part time at a community college. So many have trade programs where you can offer your expertise. If you feel comfortable teaching online, you can teach for any college in the country.
- take whatever services and help the government programs have to offer. I assume that the hub is on unemployment. Do not be embarassed to ask what other things are available in your community and use them. You and your hub have paid into the system all these years and this economy is not our fault...so it's time for pay back.
- Can you do a reverse mortgage on your home? My cousin did this and it worked well for her. I am hoping that it is a way to save your home. Then I believe that you can start paying the "loans" back when your hub is back at work.
- Can you get a temporary job locally - just to tide you over. As Linda said, I would look at my skills and adapt them into another job area that you may have not considered before.
- Can a friend (or family member?) offer you a temporary loan. If the situation was reversed, I know you would do the same for them in a heartbeat.
I am so sorry that this came along on the heels of losing your Mother. Caregiving makes you feel as if there is a big shoe hanging over your head, waiting to drop at any minute. As you said, if we continue to erode the middle class (who supports the other two classes) we are all going to be in the same boat.
I know that you are not a prayer kinda gal, but I will pray that when the phone rings, it will be your hub with good news. Look at it this way, it is like the law of physics: nothing good can stay up forever but nothing bad can stay down forever either. You are due a break!
-
dont do any good to be down in the dump cuz ya just draggin em down with ya . then id run in garage to smoke if i needed to get away , lol ..
looks like i just want to take a nap and i may do that too cuz pa is sleeping like a baby in recliner chair , he sleeps durin the day and is awake all night , i dont even hear him anymore at night cuz tv keeps him company and so does pasty cline .
hope flex got some sleep and james perkin up stronger each day ,
love you all xoxox
Diane, You and James have my heartfelt prayers. Please try to get some rest before you collapse. I know what it's like not getting sleep. I went through that when I cared for my MIL until her passing and it took me about a year to physically recover from it. I will continue to keep you safe in my thoughts and prayers. Diane, I'm sending you peaceful vibes and love.
All my family here, After much venting and soul searching I've come to the conclusion that I need to just suck it up and keep moving forward. I think I will look for a book on how to deal more effectively with passive aggressive people and make it a project for me. I definitely need to move in this direction. Caregiving is going to help me redefine who I am. I'm going to make sure it makes me a better, stronger, more forgiving and love filled person. I am amazed at how long I've taken and suffered through this with my Dad. This is a huge challenge for me but I realize "the only way through is going through the door".
When I think of how I feel about how my father treats me I remember that my true heavenly Father has always treated me with love and understanding. I do understand that my Dad doesn't fully realize how hurtful his actions are and that it is a learned behavior on his part that is all part of his "survival method" and this helps me to forgive and let go. I know I can only change myself and Ann I to believe that it's not what happens to us, but how we react that counts.
I feel more peace today. This morning when I met Dad in the kitchen I met him with a cheerful "good morning Dad" and a smile. I am continuing to pray for inner peace and calmness but most of all "awareness". Living in awareness is a real challenge. I need to stay focused and aware of Dad's subtle ways when interacting with me so I "can" learn to set my boundaries and uphold them with love, not anger. Please keep me in your prayers to help me do this. I feel the tears coming on the more I talk about this and my hubby is waiting for me to make breakfast so I'm off for now. Love you all, Cricket
that is prob the route you re suppose to take . if mcdonalds are not hiring then i would go to dad s trailer if i have to . dad has a trailer for us family to go if we ever ned a roof over our head , but when he s gone that trailer will be gone too .
your moms house is still there and she did say to share it with family in needed a place to stay ...
dont wait till u end up not havin any money for gas to move there . talk to ur girls and let them know what they think about the situations , they ll prob freakout i aint moving ! not leavin my friends behind waa waa . awwww .
well hell damn if u do damn if u dont .... if it was me . i would go to my parents home . home is where the heart is ..... i would not want to live under the bridge , as i see many families are at . i hear it all the time in the news . so so sad . they have no place to go , u re lucky u do have a place to go , its ur moms house .
love you girl . xoxoxo
Just waiting here for the phone to ring . . .going to have THE conversation end of day if it does not.
It is an ongoing nightmare that so many people like my husband - accomplished, educated, experienced, honest, NICE - are gongthrough. You can't MAKE someone hire you. All you can do is try and try again - but the longer it takes the harder it gets until there is really no where left for one to look.
So a person who has provided for their family (and lets not forget my Mom, whose care cost us tens of thousand out of our own pocket), paid cash to send their kids to college, paid all their bills and taxes on time, given to charity, blood drives, hurricane drives (he once shut down his plant for a full shift so that the workers could load a truck with post-hurricane supplies on the gulf coast) - is now days away from going into foreclosure, has no health insurance, will soon have to start selling possessions just to put gas in the car and food on the table (and we don't have any jewelry or art or anything that would fetch more than a few dollars at a yard sale), and then what?
OMG. I am trying to stay positive but it is what it is and I have run out of ideas what to do about it. Just venting here. I know this is not an unemployment forum. I know it is not the end of the world. But i look around at my little comfortable, warm house and my little old cats and the pictures of my girls and my grandson and I want to scream! But i can't because he's counting on ME to figure it all out - because I always have. Sigh . . .and so when they talk about the 'destruction of the middle class' they are indeed talking about us.
I'll be better later - I'll think of something. Love you guys.
Diane, I'm so sorry about your b/f. I hope he gets better soon. One more worry on you. Be strong honey. You will be ok. Hopefully he will too.
Austin, your husband sounded much like my mother. These are difficult people to please. They expect you to make them happy when only they can do that. Like Cricket's dad. They suck you into this vortex of trying to please them and dealing with their passive aggressive behaviors and guilt trips.We keep falling for it because we are caring people and worry about them. And don't think they don't know it on some level. My mom would never ask my brother to do what she expects me to do. I am slowly changing her expectations. She's not happy about it, but it won't kill her to do more for herself. As long as it doesn't put her in danger.
I'll check back with you all tomorrow. Have a good evening. Love you all.
I've been up for nearly 48 hours straight, so forgive me if I'm not making sense. My b/f James is still holding on. He had a really bad heart attack and cardiamic shock and was not expected to live through the heart cath this morning. Thank you for you prayers because at this point he is fighting tough odds and it is completely in God's hands. Every hour that he is alive improves his chances of survival. He is on a ventilator and a balloon assist whatyamacalit. The jury is still out as to whether he has pneumonia or not. Please continue to pray for James as he has a long road ahead of him.
Love yall,
Diane
Had a lot of stuff to do last two days and if I get on my laptop I don't get anything done. Kuli, you sound good. You're one of a bunch of strong ladies I know. Cricket in a frying pan: I read your vent . Sounds familiar. Lots of fantastic responses and advice, as usual here. Sincere and heartfelt. Such a slice of heaven, you girls:)
Remember the old movies that would end with the camera lens shrinking the scene down to a dot? Similar in my mind to a reverse of "light at the end of tunnel."
Also the opposite of what life looks like with macular degeneration. I am leading up to my response about manipulative parent(s).
I had many years of hurt and disappointment in the relationship with my Mother. I could never figure it out; why was she so preoccupied with herself, always angry, impatient, disinterested in her children, not encouraging. Took me forever to accept that she was never going to be like what I saw in other people's Mothers. Pretty weird when strangers are kinder and more interested than one's own family. This last year, even 6 months ago, I related to what you are all saying. Now, I have no animosity left for my Mother, as she is no longer able to adequately manipulate. Recently, I have thought, maybe this is what the struggle has been all about, in my view, what God had planned for our relationship. I don't know, it is just a thought. As babies become aware of their toes, when they figure out the attention they receive, repeatedly, from crying, and the terrible twos self-focus, not wanting to share, cooperate with others, etc.---doesn't it remind you of our elders? One good thing I recall-- and it can be corroborated by relatives who like me, my cousins--I was a generous sharer, I comforted my baby brother at age 3, I obeyed willingly. This tells me that as an elder, I will be free from "manipulative cantankerosity." I cannot imagine any one of us will be difficult to take care of, even if one of us gets dementia. I think my Mother must have had early stages of dementia in her 50s. She behaved consistently in a way to benefit herself, make herself look good, and tried to put a guilt trip on anyone who didn't take her seriously. I am at a point, when I see her, between "do-over", and "let it go". I know the right answer.
yes Berlusconi is going away!!!!! that's a good new. It doesn't mean we'll become a rich country again! Not in the short run, anyway
agree with kuli too, keep venting safe braincell mileage....
Hope Diane's boyfriend is doing ok...just one more thing eh hope he is Ok by hols, that is always a hassle...
Hi to deef, rip,cricket, bobbie,cuz,msm,Linda,kuli,54, Rosella (under any administration),miz,Christina,whack a mole, Austin, Ted ? Kso, Lilli, annt,cq,Pirate, Peach and everyone else here at Grossed...
what do you mean there isn't a whack a mole I was sure I saw that somewhere...