Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Diane, I did not take anything you said as bossy. Don't worry about things like that. I'm your friend:) not a relative. Haha! WhooHoo! TG, huh? Ok: where is Miz? SelfishSiblings? Rip, LindaHeart, ANN?! Hello? Maybe Ann ran away from home. Check in, Sistas! Love you! Christina xo
Morning Friends, I have been up since 3:15 am. I'm watching "The Relic" and it is pretty gory. Good go see you, Kuli:) it is interesting how energy changes forms and we know who or what we are experiencing. When I was little, a lady in along white gown would pace back and forth in my room from the bed to the door and back. She was illuminated. Sometimes in my sleep I would sense her and reach my arm up to her, but I never felt anything. I asked my sister--8 1/2 years older--why she was standing on the side of my bed, looking at me the night before. She gave me a look and said it wasn't her. I was frightened and worse, no one to talk to, so I blocked it from then on. In my 30s I met a woman who told me this spirit was sent to comfort me since I was so isolated from my family. When Mother says she 'sees someone, I am pretty sure it is random snapshots firing off in her brain. But perhaps one day those images will be giving her comfort as she transitions. I pray about that for her, because she is SO afraid of death. I guess that is another reason I am in this family. When my girl cousin passed 2 years ago, one morning I woke up and there was a bird flitting around outside the window. It was looking at me and immediately I knew it was a message from Jeannie. You just know, right? Sometimes it's just a bird, but this time it was her. I found dimes after my brother passed. First time, a handful of them on the floor on my car behind the drivers seat. Since 2003, I find them at opportune times, when I have been contemplating a decision. Almost immediately a dime appears wherever I may be, and I know what I must do. I do not go around looking for dimes, and never has it been explained any other way. Oh boy, I'm glad we can say anything here and there is interest and no judgment. I believe the appearances are a message to us that yes, they are different now, but they are with us. At least it comforts us as we cannot yet comprehend life fully without physical proof. Sorry this is so long. It is freezing this morning. Well, relatively speaking. Have a good day. I'm ready to go back to sleep now. What is it about waking up at 3:15? Hugs, xo
Kuli, I think that is wonderful dad was checking in to make sure everything was ok. There are so many theories & faith based beliefs about the afterlife that I've come to think maybe there's a little truth in them all. I do feel there is some "connection" between the present and the afterlife. My dad has been gone 20 years and I still think of him daily in one way or another.
Christina, I didn't mean to come off as preaching but rather sharing the info I had just heard. I hope you can find that "balance" that you feel comfortable with. Some people deal with bad situations by denial and can go about life and forget the person in the NH. But like me, you are a person with a sense of responsibility that won't allow us to just disappear.
Carolyn, stick with us and we will help you stay sane or we will all go crazy togehter!
Mom is doing a slight bit better today. I'm pushing liquids like crazy. That is until she gets pissed off and says no more. If she will let me leavbe her today I will run some errands while the caregiver is here.
Cricket, I have a recipe to post but I have to find it first! It's actually a vegetarian recipe that is soooo yummy.
Christina the lady at the care center might have been wanting to help you she may have been where you are now-most of the time I was able to leave my husband for a little while and just getting an ice cream seemed like haven. I try not to let people know I live alone when someone calls and asks to speak to my husband I say he can't come to the phone-he died over 2 yrs ago.
Ok, ladies. I'm in on the boat ride. Hawii sounds good. I didn't notice, did anyone think about music? I can't plan an instument any more, but I can still hold a note. How about a quartet?
16 posts to 20.000... A milestone. Who's gonna get it? Not me because I am posting again tonight. I am always happy to hear your stories and see that sense of humor and smartness don't get lost in this every-day ordeal! I hope you are reasonably well in all this mess and you keep safe. I know that when this will be over, in one year, 3 years, 10 years I will do "pfff" like a baloon which has been inflated for a too long time! Tks for your hints for Criminal Minds... Very creepy episode. Have a nice wake up and day!
It was a good month before my brain caught up with the new normal - I kept thinking I needed to see about Mom - my husband did too. They say it takes 3 weeks to form or break a habit.
Do be careful about letting strangers know you live alone. (thats the cop/mom in me worrying). When I was a single Mom I always told workers and such that came to the house that my brother was a cop and he often stayed over.
My turn. I haven't seen Mom, but husband and I both believe we have heard her twice in the past two weeks.
Strangest thing I ever heard was a few years back when husband and I were separated (we lived apart for three yrs til he got his head straight). Both my youngest daughters, and their 3 dearest friends who were always here, had gone away to different colleges a few days before. I was sleeping downstairs then - the room that would be Moms - lying in bed late one night reading when I heard the girls clearly laughing (as a group) upstairs. I FLEW into the hall and up the stairs but as I rounded the landing it stopped. I phoned each and every one to tell them what had happened and my Jess said she believed it was a "retained energy" thing or some such I must have experienced - don't remember the particulars now - but it happened.
My oldest daughter swears she saw her grandfather walking up the road on the day of his wake - even down to the clothes he had on when he died.
Hi Lilli, I've had lots of those types of experiences also and it's funny you brought up Halloween because when I was talking about that experience I was thinking.. we should have been having this conversation last week! LOL
Cricket: several years ago when we were getting ready to move from West to East, I was so stressed out from work, trying to find a house out here, and arranging for the move. This may sound funny, but I went to a Rite Aid and a man was in front of me. Suddenly, he lets out a huge sneeze without covering his mouth. It was too late for me to go in the other direction (which I usually do). The next day I woke up feeling buzzy. The next five days I just got worse. Finally, I gave in and went to the immediate care. I had a 105 temp that would not go down. I would go to bed and wake up worse. I really did think I was going to die. And you are right...it is all about a compromised immune system. I was not at all healthy and the "bug" just took over. I am still mad at myself for letting that happen! Now, at the first sign of a scratchy throat, I am popping Echinacea.
Kuli and Cricket: there are so many "post death" experiences that we have had in our family. People returning in dreams to tell someone that they are okay, etc. I have photos of my cousin's son's baptism. In each photo I took, where he was in the picture holding his son, there is a nebulous black cloud over his head. This happened both inside and outdoors. I still have the photos.
ooooohhh....should have saved these stories for next Halloween :o)
Hugs Kuli! Yes, after my FIL Charlie died we went outside to take a picture of the snow falling and when the picture was uploaded to the computer it showed an outline of Charlie sitting on the front porch in his favorite rocker where he always sat. At the time we were living in our old farmhouse in PA and he loved it there and always talked about how he was born on a farm and he would die on one. We all got chills when we saw the picture. It's been years now and we all still miss him so much. He was one in a billion type of guy, he never complained about anything and was always apologizing when he needed help and always said thank you for the smallest thing. He was a joy to care for until the end. One thing Charlie said to me one day about life and his illness was...
"sometimes life serves up a shit pie and all we can do is take a slice" loved his wisdom and sense of humor.
Good evening to all! My dad had extreme agitation the last 2 weeks he was alive. Hospice nurse called it "terminal agitation". I think he was having some sundowning too since it seemed to get worse late afternoon, early evening. But after hospice nurse used that term, I looked it up and it was exactly what was happening in an intensivised form. We tried ativan, haldol and respiradol with not alot of relief. Was telling RIP earlier that last night the cleaning ladies came - different ones than before because I had to change the time since dad's not there to let them in in the afternoon. They went about their business and did a great job. It was so nice to have the house smell clean and different. As I was paying one of the ladies, she asked if it was just myself and my daughter living in the house. I said my daughter doesn't live here anymore, it's just me. Then she asked what about the man in the window? I said my dad used to live here but he died about a week ago. At that point her and our eyes got as big as saucers. Thinking the man she saw in the window was dad visiting or checking up on me. Creepy and yet comforting at the same time. I feel bad today because just the thought led to a HUGE meltdown last night on my part. I keep thinking he's in the hospital or a rehab center and will be coming home soon. It's so hard to believe he's gone. Anyone else had "visits" after the one they cared for passed away?
Jen, you Sweetheart! "Beh", as you like to say. {{{{{Big PNW Hug:)}}}}}} pass it on to Rip, Meow ow ow!!! Diane, very interesting info. I do not know why she is irritable. That is my first memory of her, being irritable and angry, indignant and unavailable. I am used to it, of course, I wanted something else--um, like maybe a loving, adoring Mother? It could have been worse. I never got beaten with wire hangers or went hungry:) Serene? If I were a nun, I might be serene. Sounds good; the older I get, a small room with a single bed, a chair, one spoon and a bowl, with a view to the garden and my Bible is quite appealing. Oh, and access to Communion wine would be nice. How many think they were a nun in a past life? Haha! WhooHoo!! Supposed to be 60 and sunny tomorrow. I really do not like the idea of past lives, unless this is the last one I have to do. That's enough. I might miss the flowers and the ocean when my soul goes home, to stay. That's ok. I will be singing with the Rat Pack then. Have a good evening, Dear Friends. Christina xoxo
Christina, one of the things that was presented in that seminar yesterday about dementia was that the agitation and irritability is a result of not being able to communicate a need. According to the woman making the presentation it could be from an old routine of memory if it is at a specific time of the day. She said one patient became agitated around 4-5pm each day. They learned he had been a farmer and this was the time for milking the cows. They would tell him his brother was taking care of the cows and he would settle down. That may be over simplifying things, but I don't know if this could help you with your mom. Did your mom work outside the home? Is she maybe thinking she has to go to work? Get the kids ready for school? Cook breakfast? I'm just taking some guesses. It did help me to realize why my mom has to pull out fabric and yarn all the time since sewing, crocheting, knitting and needle work in general has been an integral part of my mom's life. Even if she can't do the tasks anymore she still loves the comfort these things give her.
Mom got out of bed for the first time today at 7pm. She is still having the generalized weakness and feeling bad. Like you said Linda, it's just one of the phases I guess. I hope she will feel better soon.
Christina, when you figure out how to find a balance, share it with me. I haven't figured out how to be this serene, patient and smiling caregiver 24/7.
While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."
The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too soooo…… I listened as the lady told her story.
"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Clear?" I'm thinking, Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science. Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!Complete darkness, the power was off!
Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway." "OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed".
OMG! Linda you had me in stitches!! I hate to admit it but back when I was suffering the fallout from a childhood trauma I did the exact same thing! Cut yourself some slack (and i know you will, hehe) you've been sick... not the mental reference time hah! but the bladder time! You and your Pa's wrist! lmao again!
Christina, You are the kind of daughter any of us hope to have someday. Don't let what that person said to you hurt you so because it wasn't a very considerate comment and certainly not one that should have come out of the mouth of a person working at a care center!
Welcome CQ I really enjoyed reading your posts.
Lilli, I also hate doctors waiting rooms and refuse to linger in them. I get Dad to where he needs to be and if I have to wait and am able to I sit in my car. I learned my lesson a couple of years ago when I got the flu so bad that my husband couldn't even get me out of bed to take me to the hospital. As the Ambulance guys were taking me out on a table I was so humiliated that I pulled the sheet up over my head and said "if the neighbors are going to talk, I will give them something to talk about"! The next year I went and got the flu shot and wouldn't you know it but I was the one in ten billion or whatever who gets the flu from it! So I just quit the flu shots and work on keeping my immune system up the best I can and Avoid waiting rooms as much as possible! If I have to be in a waiting room I take my own reading materials and never touch anything in the office.
Hehe Diane, Love the story!!
Now I'm blab blab blabbering on, lol Love you all. Hugs all around! Cricket
Two little old ladies, Dorace & Jackie were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The short one, Jackie, leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!'
'You're on!' said Dorace, holding up a $10.00 bill.
So Jackie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and,completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling Jackie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won $1,000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement!'
I like the "no wait" ER idea. Even if they take you back to a room and check you in, it's worth it. I am a germaphobe as it is. I cannot stand being in a crowded doctor's office or ER with everyone sneezing at the same time. The cloud it creates floats over to me, then, BAM - I have the flu! (I wish I were exaggerating.) The last time I had to go to the ER was because of some weird thing I ate at a restaurant. First my lip swelled, then I got these patches on my arms. By the time I got to the ER my body looked liked one of those raised maps of the world. They knocked me out with who knows what. But everything went back to normal (well, at least MY normal.)
Christina - so sorry to hear about the trials. It is so hard to watch decline in someone we love so much. Had many elderly relatives that I was close to and it has gotten no easier. And you are oh so correct...long distance is no easier (and in some ways it is more difficult.) I spent literally hours this week unraveling all kinds of "goodies" that either Mom created or the staff did. If you are the caregiver who "steps up" you are "it" forever. I, too, do not know how others can look away when someone needs help. My sib's latest thing is screening calls (can you say passive aggressive?) I also know what you mean about not being able to enjoy things. I am always waiting for the other "shoe to drop." And it drops on my head, at least once a week. The worse part is knowing that there a some things that you just cannot fix...that's life in general! I am glad you finally chose an ALF for your Mom. If you remember back when your Mom was living with you, it was very stressful. I am hoping that being able to return to being the caring daughter who visits is helping you cope.
Kim: hate when I have to wait for Mom's docs to get back to me. Even the best ones take forever. I liked your quip about pinning the results to "the back of a turtle." Heh, heh...that's it for sure!
Really hate to throw down a "neener, neener" but we had a gorgeous day today. Had a conference out of town for work. High 50s and sunny. So pretty. Saw a white deer standing majestically on the hill among all the colorful leaves...it was like a landscape painting. I do not know if I can take all of this flora and fauna, I grew up in the high desert.
Good night to all and may you find a little moment of peace before the end of this day.
First, LINDA:YOU ARE SOOOOOFUNNYYYY AND I LOVE YOU SOOOOMUCH!heehee. Thank you, MsM, and I was following your rambling so easily, because you put things so well. "I'm a Ramblin' Guy". Ramblin' R A M BL I N, a Ramblin". I used to love Steve Martin and then he got nasty as he got old. Good thing we do not have to be his caregiver someday:) so, who doesn't ramble here, hmmm? I guess I was also very attentive to my Mother, too, Barb. After we moved back to CA from WA in '97, I drove up the coast 4--6 hours from LA to SLO--every few months, and every year I cooked her a special birthday dinner, sometimes had a party and invited her wicked step-children. On those weekends I drove up every month to see my brother in prison, I stayed at their place; I would arrive on Friday morning, inspect and clean out the refrigerator, shop for fresh and frozen things they could fix easily, take Mother and her husband to Dr. appts, do some yard work, etc, spend the night, get up early next morning to drive another 2 hours, stay with him as long as I could, then enjoy my drive home down the coast, fix them dinner again, then leave Sunday morning. I was still working in retail then, and gave up my one weekend off a month for them. It's all relative. My sister visited once or twice a year, while she was on her way somewhere else! Unfrick-ingbelievable, as I like to exclaim. On top of that, I left my perfectly good husband and kids to fend for themselves, and they gave their blessings. Wow. Yes, CRY CRY CRY. Ramble, ramble ramble. We're girls and we're caregivers. Gotta go run some errands and I am totally not motivated to even leave the house. LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL. xoxo
Kim - surely they won't make you wait too long as it was their fault? Oh I am sorry. We get all psyched up to go to the doctor and then they drop the ball! Crying is a great stress reliever. I truly believe that is why women tend to outlive men - because we are not afraid to cry.
kimmy - isnt that bullshit ! yes two weeks is awful long time to get the result ! shit man ! when dad has his test done i usualy hear about it the next day , not no 2 weeks . geeze ! hope u find u a new doc . isnt that funny how we have to call ins co to see if its ok to ride a 911 ambulance , one time i had to call the ins co to see if it was ok for hubby to have an open heart ! who has time to make the calls ! barely makin 911 calls and stayin on the line is all the time we have , i d be tellin em i dont have any phone and theres no pay phone out anywhere anymore . crazy !!! system , yes ar dad s dr s office its all in the lap top . ask me if dad takes this kind meds , i said ugh let me see , phht never heard of em and there was quite few that he has never taken before . where did that come from i ask ? she doesnt know either . well mark it out cuz he never took them before . pretty scary that things pops in and u have no idea . kinda makes me afraid to go have any operation if the laptop says to cut my leg off or something ohh geeze ! went to walmart weds evening and wrote out a check and couldnt remmy what year it is ! i ask the lady umm what year is it ? she said 2011 , ok thanks i thought gawd !! what the hells wrong with me ! that lady looked at me funny . i told her my mind is in a wreck and all tangled up . she prob thought yeah go smoke some weed ! lalala . ah well , have a good day my crews ! xoxox christina - i remmy dad said why was i sleepin so much and takin painpill for ? i said well u were takin painpills cuz of ur wrist . he looked at his wrist and scream bloody murder ohhh my wrist hurts waaaaaaaaaa waaaaaa . i was floored ! yep its dementia ... :-( and he lived like that for 4 yrs . my side hurts ,my hand hurts , i have headache bad , etc . gotta give him something or eles i wont hear the end of it , . xoxo
christina You so totally spoke for me in that last post. Moms gone now, but when she lived and was in my care I never found the balance you (so eloquently) speak of.
Being so close to the caregiving - so close to her - that when I did get away thoughts of her, and the ever-present, nagging worry - kept coming to the forefront of my mind. Kind of like wondering if you left the iron or the stove on.
The only time I felt completely comfortable leaving Mom was when my only grandchild was born (another daughter stayed with Mom) and I knew I was in an 'irreplaceable' position there as well. But then again - that was before Mom became very ill. Once she did, I couldn't take a shower without feeling nervous. It was a perpetual, hopeless, sadness that the end could come any time and the only thing I could do about it was to be present. And MY siblings had no emotional reaction to the news their Mom was so extremely ill. And they couldn't be bothered to call or come - and I did everything I could do by myself to make up for their (6 yr) absence. . .
Now I'm rambling. But I don't think you are missing anything here. I think your attitude is just as it should be - and its difficult to 'have a life' while you are grieving - or pre-grieving. I think the best we can do in this situation is to try. Maybe watch a funny movie next time, or read books you can lose yourself in - I just did the whole Harry Potter series and have ordered Game of Thrones.
As for the long distance caregiving - I have done both. Schlepping up and down the east coast for more than 3 yrs before Mom came here, always on the phone, always ordering things, taking off long weekends, taking family leave for a month, going nuts when no one answered the phone, etc. Its crazy hard to do it - and it is more difficult in a lot of ways - that having Mom under your roof.
Got Dad's test results today after two weeks. Husband has his physical today and asked in person for the results. Dad's potassium is high and they want to take more blood. Think he might need a change in medications. Husband has to have a stress test! He also asked about my appointment and they couldn't find it in the books! I'm pissed! Probably will get next results for Dad by Christmas! Agh I always schedule my physical a year ahead of time and then Mammogram! They went to a completely computerized system that links to the hospital so I was wiped out! Who knows when I can get in?? I am going doc hunting! This seemingly little thing has me crying! On my last nerve today and it has now been stepped on! Doesn't take much anymore at all!
Austin, they need to have all ER's set up the way it is in your area! We have to go to MedChek because employees of the hospital aren't allowed to go to their own ER. If we do, insurance won't pay! If we had to go there by ambulance from home I think it would be ok, but we have to call insurance company first so they can determine by phone if it is necessary! What a joke! Love to you all! Kim
Morning. It's pouring rain in Orange County, CA. I went to bed early-8 pm- last night feeling achy--I thought flu shots were supposed to prevent that. Must have been my joints reacting to the weather. Woke up at 1 am and finally saw "ET" from the very beginning and recorded it. When I met my hubby in '83 he told me about a girl who asked him to take her to a movie on their first date. He took her to see ET and she told him it was the TWENTY-THIRD times she had seen it. LOL!!! I told him I had not seen it yet because I rebel against bandwagons, so he married me. Boy, is he sorry sometimes. Rosella, I suggest checking the "Urban Dictionary" online. It gives current slang definitions, and some you will find amazing. "The Hotch" can also mean a place people go to smoke weed, what a man calls a woman who annoys him, etc. Wow-taking your Mom out all day--good for her but a field trip for you. I cannot take my Mother out anymore, as she will not move her legs when you stand her up. She is like a soft statue. I called the care owner's assistant yesterday, and something she asked me resurfaced as I left Mother in the late afternoon: she asked me if I am having any fun, if I am able to enjoy my life at all, because I seem to get stressed over my Mother's condition. How am I supposed to react to it--laugh it off, ignore it? I know there must be a healthier way than what I am doing now to live with my responsibility and still enjoy life. I am trying to achieve that balance, let my feet heal, lose the weight I gained, find my compass. Of course I have moments of enjoyment, but life is not that fun right now, anyway. I know I am not alone in saying the grieving process begins while they are still with us. I am not going to preach to my choir here. I am not the type of person who can go away for months and not think about my Mother who cannot do anything for herself anymore and is a prisoner in her body. I am a very busy person, but I spend time with her every other day--I am the only person, family or not, that does on a regular basis. I have deep emotions, but I use my head to make important decisions for her, and I want her to be cared for properly, not ignored, not left in pain. What it is that I am missing about my attitude toward the situation? I sent an email to my siblings preparing them for Mother's decline and current mien, about the ct scan and why we were doing it, and I sent them the results via email. First, I called the owner to ask if either had called for the results. No, she had not spoken to my sister in over 2 months. OK. So, I tend to treat others the way I like to be treated, and maybe that is wrong when people have a different attitude and reaction to things they have no control over. I am sure it is all too much for my brother, and my sister must not be distracted yet again from her weakly, I mean weekly, schedule. I will check out Coach Boyle's Playbook, Diane, but my Mother is now in an advanced stage. Discussed with doctor getting Mother back on lower dose Exelon patch with Depakote, as they still have to giver her Ativan in the mornings for her agitation/irritability. Some of the behavior is her personality, some is dementia. I was a bit disheartened yesterday when the asst. told me "they can go on like your Mom for a couple of years." I cannot imagine it. As long as she is not aware of it, we will deal with it. I think "long-distance" care giving must be more difficult than hands on in some ways--right, Lilli? But long-distance "out of sight out of mind" is another thing: siblings. It has stopped raining and clearing up. I cried a lot watching ET. I still ache. Thanks for letting me vent. I let things build up and then I let them out. Kind of how condensation leads to rain. HAHA another metaphor;) Good window story, St. Harv:D Hugs and Love to the Captain and All her Magnificant CREW. WhooHoo!
Hey Y'all, Have any of you read Coach Boyle's Playbook? I just learned about it yesterday and you can dowload it free from the Alzheimer Association. Very informative.
Still home with mom today feeling crappy. Her BP was high this morning but is back to normal now.
Cuz, thanks for the window story! Rosella, I can only imagine how heavy your heart must feel being unable to relieve your Mom's discomfort.
We are dealing with a reverse situation here. I remember once long ago my son fell and we had to take him to Children's Hospital. A bike handle punctured his throat. I was cradling him (age 7) and he looked up with tears in his eyes. "Mommy, am I going to die?", he asked.
I think our parents look to us for this same assurance and we know things are not going to improve much. What we can do is hope for good moments, hours, days and try understand them in their own reality.
Having said that, we also have to realize that life is a journey. We come into this wiorld surrounded by those who love us (hopefully) and the only guarantee we have is that some day, we will leave this world as we know it. Hopefully, we will be surrounded by those who love us.
As caretakers, we need to come to grips with this reality and allow ourselves to remain in our own lives even while helping our loved one complete their journey here with us. Easier said than done, but it is a good thought to hang onto.
Trying to stay on topic, I want to say this whole idea grosses me out on many levels. I haven't had to deal with hygiene issues yet with Mom, but I know those days may be ahead. I dealt with my Dad's incision hemorraging before he died, his staff infection and many other equally unpleasant acts of love performed for his comfort.
So to those of you who are dealing with these gross situations posted here, remember you are performing acts of love and kindness. You may not hear words of thanks or praise anywhere else, but here, you are heroes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Ok: where is Miz? SelfishSiblings? Rip, LindaHeart, ANN?! Hello? Maybe Ann ran away from home. Check in, Sistas! Love you! Christina xo
I have been up since 3:15 am. I'm watching "The Relic" and it is pretty gory.
Good go see you, Kuli:) it is interesting how energy changes forms and we know who or what we are experiencing. When I was little, a lady in along white gown
would pace back and forth in my room from the bed to the door and back. She
was illuminated. Sometimes in my sleep I would sense her and reach my arm up
to her, but I never felt anything. I asked my sister--8 1/2 years older--why she
was standing on the side of my bed, looking at me the night before. She gave me a look and said it wasn't her. I was frightened and worse, no one to talk to, so I blocked it from then on. In my 30s I met a woman who told me this spirit was sent to comfort me since I was so isolated from my family. When Mother says she 'sees someone, I am pretty sure it is random snapshots firing off in her brain. But perhaps one day those images will be giving her comfort as she transitions. I pray about that for her, because she is SO afraid of death. I guess that is another reason I am in this family. When my girl cousin passed 2 years ago, one morning I woke up and there was a bird flitting around outside the window. It was looking at me and immediately I knew it was a message from Jeannie. You just know, right? Sometimes it's just a bird, but this time it was her. I found dimes after my brother passed. First time, a handful of them on the floor on my car behind the drivers seat. Since 2003, I find them at opportune times, when I have been contemplating a decision. Almost immediately a dime appears wherever I may be, and I know what I must do. I do not go around looking for dimes, and never has it been explained any other way. Oh boy, I'm glad we can say anything here and there is interest and no judgment. I believe the appearances are a message to us that yes, they are different now, but they are with us. At least it comforts us as we cannot yet comprehend life fully without physical proof. Sorry this is so long. It is freezing this morning. Well, relatively speaking. Have a good day. I'm ready to go back to sleep now. What is it about waking up at 3:15? Hugs, xo
Kuli, I think that is wonderful dad was checking in to make sure everything was ok. There are so many theories & faith based beliefs about the afterlife that I've come to think maybe there's a little truth in them all. I do feel there is some "connection" between the present and the afterlife. My dad has been gone 20 years and I still think of him daily in one way or another.
Christina, I didn't mean to come off as preaching but rather sharing the info I had just heard. I hope you can find that "balance" that you feel comfortable with. Some people deal with bad situations by denial and can go about life and forget the person in the NH. But like me, you are a person with a sense of responsibility that won't allow us to just disappear.
Carolyn, stick with us and we will help you stay sane or we will all go crazy togehter!
Mom is doing a slight bit better today. I'm pushing liquids like crazy. That is until she gets pissed off and says no more. If she will let me leavbe her today I will run some errands while the caregiver is here.
Cricket, I have a recipe to post but I have to find it first! It's actually a vegetarian recipe that is soooo yummy.
Gotta go, mom is calling. Have a good day!
I could bring my hubbie - he's a great navigator.
You are all a hoot! Thanks for the fun!
Carolyn
I am always happy to hear your stories and see that sense of humor and smartness don't get lost in this every-day ordeal!
I hope you are reasonably well in all this mess and you keep safe. I know that when this will be over, in one year, 3 years, 10 years I will do "pfff" like a baloon which has been inflated for a too long time!
Tks for your hints for Criminal Minds... Very creepy episode.
Have a nice wake up and day!
It was a good month before my brain caught up with the new normal - I kept thinking I needed to see about Mom - my husband did too. They say it takes 3 weeks to form or break a habit.
Do be careful about letting strangers know you live alone. (thats the cop/mom in me worrying). When I was a single Mom I always told workers and such that came to the house that my brother was a cop and he often stayed over.
Strangest thing I ever heard was a few years back when husband and I were separated (we lived apart for three yrs til he got his head straight). Both my youngest daughters, and their 3 dearest friends who were always here, had gone away to different colleges a few days before. I was sleeping downstairs then - the room that would be Moms - lying in bed late one night reading when I heard the girls clearly laughing (as a group) upstairs. I FLEW into the hall and up the stairs but as I rounded the landing it stopped. I phoned each and every one to tell them what had happened and my Jess said she believed it was a "retained energy" thing or some such I must have experienced - don't remember the particulars now - but it happened.
My oldest daughter swears she saw her grandfather walking up the road on the day of his wake - even down to the clothes he had on when he died.
Kuli and Cricket: there are so many "post death" experiences that we have had in our family. People returning in dreams to tell someone that they are okay, etc. I have photos of my cousin's son's baptism. In each photo I took, where he was in the picture holding his son, there is a nebulous black cloud over his head. This happened both inside and outdoors. I still have the photos.
ooooohhh....should have saved these stories for next Halloween :o)
"sometimes life serves up a shit pie and all we can do is take a slice" loved his wisdom and sense of humor.
LovCuz
pass it on to Rip, Meow ow ow!!!
Diane, very interesting info. I do not know why she is irritable. That is my first memory of her, being irritable and angry, indignant and unavailable. I am used to it, of course, I wanted something else--um, like maybe a loving, adoring Mother?
It could have been worse. I never got beaten with wire hangers or went hungry:)
Serene? If I were a nun, I might be serene. Sounds good; the older I get, a small room with a single bed, a chair, one spoon and a bowl, with a view to the garden and my Bible is quite appealing. Oh, and access to Communion wine would be nice. How many think they were a nun in a past life? Haha! WhooHoo!!
Supposed to be 60 and sunny tomorrow. I really do not like the idea of past lives, unless this is the last one I have to do. That's enough. I might miss the flowers and the ocean when my soul goes home, to stay. That's ok. I will be singing with the Rat Pack then. Have a good evening, Dear Friends. Christina xoxo
Mom got out of bed for the first time today at 7pm. She is still having the generalized weakness and feeling bad. Like you said Linda, it's just one of the phases I guess. I hope she will feel better soon.
Christina, when you figure out how to find a balance, share it with me. I haven't figured out how to be this serene, patient and smiling caregiver 24/7.
Love to you all,
Diane
The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too soooo…… I listened as the lady told her story.
"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Clear?" I'm thinking, Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science. Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!Complete darkness, the power was off!
Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."
"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed".
Christina, You are the kind of daughter any of us hope to have someday. Don't let what that person said to you hurt you so because it wasn't a very considerate comment and certainly not one that should have come out of the mouth of a person working at a care center!
Welcome CQ I really enjoyed reading your posts.
Lilli, I also hate doctors waiting rooms and refuse to linger in them. I get Dad to where he needs to be and if I have to wait and am able to I sit in my car. I learned my lesson a couple of years ago when I got the flu so bad that my husband couldn't even get me out of bed to take me to the hospital. As the Ambulance guys were taking me out on a table I was so humiliated that I pulled the sheet up over my head and said "if the neighbors are going to talk, I will give them something to talk about"! The next year I went and got the flu shot and wouldn't you know it but I was the one in ten billion or whatever who gets the flu from it! So I just quit the flu shots and work on keeping my immune system up the best I can and Avoid waiting rooms as much as possible! If I have to be in a waiting room I take my own reading materials and never touch anything in the office.
Hehe Diane, Love the story!!
Now I'm blab blab blabbering on, lol Love you all. Hugs all around! Cricket
'You're on!' said Dorace, holding up a $10.00 bill.
So Jackie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and,completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling Jackie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won $1,000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement!'
Christina - so sorry to hear about the trials. It is so hard to watch decline in someone we love so much. Had many elderly relatives that I was close to and it has gotten no easier. And you are oh so correct...long distance is no easier (and in some ways it is more difficult.) I spent literally hours this week unraveling all kinds of "goodies" that either Mom created or the staff did. If you are the caregiver who "steps up" you are "it" forever. I, too, do not know how others can look away when someone needs help. My sib's latest thing is screening calls (can you say passive aggressive?) I also know what you mean about not being able to enjoy things. I am always waiting for the other "shoe to drop." And it drops on my head, at least once a week. The worse part is knowing that there a some things that you just cannot fix...that's life in general! I am glad you finally chose an ALF for your Mom. If you remember back when your Mom was living with you, it was very stressful. I am hoping that being able to return to being the caring daughter who visits is helping you cope.
Kim: hate when I have to wait for Mom's docs to get back to me. Even the best ones take forever. I liked your quip about pinning the results to "the back of a turtle." Heh, heh...that's it for sure!
Really hate to throw down a "neener, neener" but we had a gorgeous day today. Had a conference out of town for work. High 50s and sunny. So pretty. Saw a white deer standing majestically on the hill among all the colorful leaves...it was like a landscape painting. I do not know if I can take all of this flora and fauna, I grew up in the high desert.
Good night to all and may you find a little moment of peace before the end of this day.
Lilli
Thank you, MsM, and I was following your rambling so easily, because you put things so well. "I'm a Ramblin' Guy". Ramblin' R A M BL I N, a Ramblin".
I used to love Steve Martin and then he got nasty as he got old. Good thing we do not have to be his caregiver someday:) so, who doesn't ramble here, hmmm?
I guess I was also very attentive to my Mother, too, Barb. After we moved back to CA from WA in '97, I drove up the coast 4--6 hours from LA to SLO--every few months, and every year I cooked her a special birthday dinner, sometimes had a party and invited her wicked step-children. On those weekends I drove up every month to see my brother in prison, I stayed at their place; I would arrive on Friday morning, inspect and clean out the refrigerator, shop for fresh and frozen things they could fix easily, take Mother and her husband to Dr. appts, do some yard work, etc, spend the night, get up early next morning to drive another 2 hours, stay with him as long as I could, then enjoy my drive home down the coast, fix them dinner again, then leave Sunday morning. I was still working in retail then, and gave up my one weekend off a month for them. It's all relative. My sister visited once or twice a year, while she was on her way somewhere else! Unfrick-ingbelievable, as I like to exclaim. On top of that, I left my perfectly good husband and kids to fend for themselves, and they gave their blessings. Wow.
Yes, CRY CRY CRY. Ramble, ramble ramble. We're girls and we're caregivers.
Gotta go run some errands and I am totally not motivated to even leave the house.
LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL. xoxo
hope u find u a new doc . isnt that funny how we have to call ins co to see if its ok to ride a 911 ambulance , one time i had to call the ins co to see if it was ok for hubby to have an open heart ! who has time to make the calls ! barely makin 911 calls and stayin on the line is all the time we have , i d be tellin em i dont have any phone and theres no pay phone out anywhere anymore .
crazy !!! system ,
yes ar dad s dr s office its all in the lap top . ask me if dad takes this kind meds , i said ugh let me see , phht never heard of em and there was quite few that he has never taken before . where did that come from i ask ? she doesnt know either . well mark it out cuz he never took them before . pretty scary that things pops in and u have no idea . kinda makes me afraid to go have any operation if the laptop says to cut my leg off or something ohh geeze !
went to walmart weds evening and wrote out a check and couldnt remmy what year it is ! i ask the lady umm what year is it ? she said 2011 , ok thanks i thought gawd !! what the hells wrong with me ! that lady looked at me funny . i told her my mind is in a wreck and all tangled up . she prob thought yeah go smoke some weed ! lalala . ah well ,
have a good day my crews ! xoxox
christina - i remmy dad said why was i sleepin so much and takin painpill for ? i said well u were takin painpills cuz of ur wrist . he looked at his wrist and scream bloody murder ohhh my wrist hurts waaaaaaaaaa waaaaaa . i was floored ! yep its dementia ... :-( and he lived like that for 4 yrs . my side hurts ,my hand hurts , i have headache bad , etc . gotta give him something or eles i wont hear the end of it , . xoxo
You so totally spoke for me in that last post. Moms gone now, but when she lived and was in my care I never found the balance you (so eloquently) speak of.
Being so close to the caregiving - so close to her - that when I did get away thoughts of her, and the ever-present, nagging worry - kept coming to the forefront of my mind. Kind of like wondering if you left the iron or the stove on.
The only time I felt completely comfortable leaving Mom was when my only grandchild was born (another daughter stayed with Mom) and I knew I was in an 'irreplaceable' position there as well. But then again - that was before Mom became very ill. Once she did, I couldn't take a shower without feeling nervous. It was a perpetual, hopeless, sadness that the end could come any time and the only thing I could do about it was to be present. And MY siblings had no emotional reaction to the news their Mom was so extremely ill. And they couldn't be bothered to call or come - and I did everything I could do by myself to make up for their (6 yr) absence. . .
Now I'm rambling. But I don't think you are missing anything here. I think your attitude is just as it should be - and its difficult to 'have a life' while you are grieving - or pre-grieving. I think the best we can do in this situation is to try. Maybe watch a funny movie next time, or read books you can lose yourself in - I just did the whole Harry Potter series and have ordered Game of Thrones.
As for the long distance caregiving - I have done both. Schlepping up and down the east coast for more than 3 yrs before Mom came here, always on the phone, always ordering things, taking off long weekends, taking family leave for a month, going nuts when no one answered the phone, etc. Its crazy hard to do it - and it is more difficult in a lot of ways - that having Mom under your roof.
Austin, they need to have all ER's set up the way it is in your area! We have to go to MedChek because employees of the hospital aren't allowed to go to their own ER. If we do, insurance won't pay! If we had to go there by ambulance from home I think it would be ok, but we have to call insurance company first so they can determine by phone if it is necessary! What a joke! Love to you all! Kim
Rosella, I suggest checking the "Urban Dictionary" online. It gives current slang definitions, and some you will find amazing. "The Hotch" can also mean a place people go to smoke weed, what a man calls a woman who annoys him, etc. Wow-taking your Mom out all day--good for her but a field trip for you. I cannot take my Mother out anymore, as she will not move her legs when you stand her up. She is like a soft statue.
I called the care owner's assistant yesterday, and something she asked me resurfaced as I left Mother in the late afternoon: she asked me if I am having any fun, if I am able to enjoy my life at all, because I seem to get stressed over my Mother's condition. How am I supposed to react to it--laugh it off, ignore it? I know there must be a healthier way than what I am doing now to live with my responsibility and still enjoy life. I am trying to achieve that balance, let my feet heal, lose the weight I gained, find my compass. Of course I have moments of enjoyment, but life is not that fun right now, anyway. I know I am not alone in saying the grieving process begins while they are still with us. I am not going to preach to my choir here. I am not the type of person who can go away for months and not think about my Mother who cannot do anything for herself anymore and is a prisoner in her body. I am a very busy person, but I spend time with her every other day--I am the only person, family or not, that does on a regular basis. I have deep emotions, but I use my head to make important decisions for her, and I want her to be cared for properly, not ignored, not left in pain. What it is that I am missing about my attitude toward the situation? I sent an email to my siblings preparing them for Mother's decline and current mien, about the ct scan and why we were doing it, and I sent them the results via email. First, I called the owner to ask if either had called for the results. No, she had not spoken to my sister in over 2 months. OK. So, I tend to treat others the way I like to be treated, and maybe that is wrong when people have a different attitude and reaction to things they have no control over. I am sure it is all too much for my brother, and my sister must not be distracted yet again from her weakly, I mean weekly, schedule.
I will check out Coach Boyle's Playbook, Diane, but my Mother is now in an advanced stage. Discussed with doctor getting Mother back on lower dose Exelon patch with Depakote, as they still have to giver her Ativan in the mornings for her agitation/irritability. Some of the behavior is her personality, some is dementia.
I was a bit disheartened yesterday when the asst. told me "they can go on like your Mom for a couple of years." I cannot imagine it. As long as she is not aware of it, we will deal with it. I think "long-distance" care giving must be more difficult than hands on in some ways--right, Lilli? But long-distance "out of sight out of mind" is another thing: siblings.
It has stopped raining and clearing up. I cried a lot watching ET. I still ache. Thanks for letting me vent. I let things build up and then I let them out. Kind of how condensation leads to rain. HAHA another metaphor;) Good window story, St. Harv:D Hugs and Love to the Captain and All her Magnificant CREW. WhooHoo!
Have any of you read Coach Boyle's Playbook? I just learned about it yesterday and you can dowload it free from the Alzheimer Association. Very informative.
Still home with mom today feeling crappy. Her BP was high this morning but is back to normal now.
Have a good day my dear friends!
Love ya,
Diane
Rosella, I can only imagine how heavy your heart must feel being unable to relieve your Mom's discomfort.
We are dealing with a reverse situation here. I remember once long ago my son fell and we had to take him to Children's Hospital. A bike handle punctured his throat. I was cradling him (age 7) and he looked up with tears in his eyes. "Mommy, am I going to die?", he asked.
I think our parents look to us for this same assurance and we know things are not going to improve much. What we can do is hope for good moments, hours, days and try understand them in their own reality.
Having said that, we also have to realize that life is a journey. We come into this wiorld surrounded by those who love us (hopefully) and the only guarantee we have is that some day, we will leave this world as we know it. Hopefully, we will be surrounded by those who love us.
As caretakers, we need to come to grips with this reality and allow ourselves to remain in our own lives even while helping our loved one complete their journey here with us. Easier said than done, but it is a good thought to hang onto.
Trying to stay on topic, I want to say this whole idea grosses me out on many levels. I haven't had to deal with hygiene issues yet with Mom, but I know those days may be ahead. I dealt with my Dad's incision hemorraging before he died, his staff infection and many other equally unpleasant acts of love performed for his comfort.
So to those of you who are dealing with these gross situations posted here, remember you are performing acts of love and kindness. You may not hear words of thanks or praise anywhere else, but here, you are heroes.