Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Barb, and I would add a raspberry to it. Not the fruit.
This is the deed. (RASPBERRY)

My grandmother constantly has her hand in her pants, when I ask her not to do this in the living room around my children she tells me to "shut up!" Argh! Glad I found this site, I am losing my mind!

oh I found the pic of me and Mom Halloween 2009. Wasn't she cute?

Thanks Rip - sorry to be ranting so- its just that I am a good person - the people I've come to know on this thread are good people - and it just awesome when one of us gets a break for a change - right?

Happy dancin' in Washington! WooHoo, BarbBear!!!

YA HA HA HA HA (evil laugh) I have WONDERFUL news!

Lawyer says we DO NOT have to sell Moms house.

Mom's will stipulates only 'share and share alike' which means atty can draw a deed to put me and my two no good brothers names on the house as equal co-owners. Period.

Now if either or both decide they want to live there with me I can't tell them no - but those guys? One in Texas and the other in Colorado - and I can tell you they would never go 'low rent'; enough to stay at Momma's long - plus neither of them has any ties to to their home town anymore - not for 30+ yrs.

So I will send attorney the DEED, he will change the ownership - and I won't say anything until and unless they ask me, and its long been DONE and filed at the courthouse.

Now, they could try to make a stink but it would cost them thousands of dollars and according to atty they don't really have a leg to stand on - and with this house being of so little value, its simply not worth it.

I know all the lawyer jokes and the bad rep many get because of 'legal manuvering' like this. (My sister is a lawyer in Michigan - no help with GA stuff).

But what's great about this is ITS WHAT MOM WANTED. She wanted us to share the house - keep the house. So doing this acomplishes the letter of the law as well as the spirit of the law and makes me very happy. And if Mom is looking down at me now (Hi Mom!) I know she is happy about it - although trying NOT to look like she is.

Woo-hoo! So if husband doesn't get the job at AA** then now at least we will have a warm little house in which to spend the winter.

Doing the happy dance!
I just might wet my pants
Laughing and smiling so
Brothers know where to go!
They can jump in the lake!
I mean, for goodness sake!
Look who they're messing with,
Marie's Mom - the grizzly Bear kid!

he he la la la

Kuli, Hugs to you. You are in what I call the silent inner sadness phase or grieving your loss. It's normal to feel more than the usual sadness of losing ones parent when you were also the primary caregiver. When our "Charlie" my FIL passed I had a really hard time and it seemed to me that my sadness was as bad and at times worse than his own kids, then I realized it was because I was his caregiver. We develop a bond with them that others just don't have. I pray for you Kuli. Cry as often as you need to. It will get easier in time.

Hi my Sisters, I like that Christine! It so true. Christine I would be thrilled if I only had put on 5 pounds during all this Caregiving. If you want to lose it easy though drink those 8 glasses of water a day and add some mineral drops to it. Back to your Blister and Bother, gawd! makes ya wanna smack em upside the head at times. I have a Bother also and I make life easier by ignoring his existence. He calls Dad about twice a year and never offers to help or ask me how he's doing. So be it "bother" is my take on him. I don't even think about him changing because I know it's hard enough dealing with my own issues and I let it go about weather he cares or not. Of course I am cordial and polite when I need be but other than that he has no impact on my life. Bother is to much negative energy that I refuse to let into my well being. That reminds me of BARB; if you can take what is left of your mothers estate, do it. Do it for your family and don't feel guilty about it either. Send your siblings a sentimental keepsake and tell them that is all they deserve for being such assholes. Just because we are good hearted, self-sacrificing for our parents doesn't mean we have to be doormats for our siblings. Besides, who cares what they might think or say? It doesn't really matter. What matters is your self respect and self worth. Teach them to not treat you with disrespect but cutting them off.
Linda, Sorry your Pa and daughter are having such a hard time. I wish we all had Pa's like yours. I would take the flashdance any day over the self absorbed critical father.
Kimmie, I swear your father and mine are both the devils spawn to us at times and here we are still loving them. There have been times when my hubby and I are watching a movie and my dad comes into the room and moves a chair out to join us and he sits right in front of me blocking my whole view of the TV, he doesn't even think he is doing anything to me.. waaaaa! Then the other night a friend came by and was talking about having to wait a long time for something and my dad told him he should have called me to come get him! I said WTH dad! what am I your personal slave? Okay I'm venting today to.. it's time for me to go re-read my affirmations.. but then again I think about Jen and FP and it makes me appreciate that I don't have it nearly as bad. Jen, I know you have a ton of justifiable anger but I want you to know that you are a living affirmation because of the good you continue to do for your family that has been so damaging to you. God love you Jen, we all do! I would say take FP's outside and hose his ass down but then he would turn into a snowFP'sman and you would have to look at him all winter long. LOL

Oh my!
Let's put all our siblings in a closed room with lots of weapons and let's see if they don't kill each other.
When they say that we get all the money of our parents, let's save dirty diapers for one week and let's leave the bag full of dirty diapers in front of their door, With a note: "Do you want to inherit something? Start to inherit these".

Kuli I am so sorry for your grief. We have to try to think that when our parents live in constant pain, their life is not happy anymore and we must try to think that it is better for them to have abandoned their old and tired body. Because they have not disappeared! Just their body has.

mariesmom- yes i had that done when i had my tube tied , oh gosh the gas just realy dig in ur shoulder blade . ow ow ow . no pleasure outta that one .
how is ur daughter doing in texas ? hope all is well . her hubby flie in yet to be with her ? hope she tells him to hit the road jack and dont ya come back no more no more lalalala .
gosh i havent done anything yet today ! i best get going . purr at ya all later gator . xoxo

makes me wanna carry one sharp key and walk along by her car . maybe make a rainbow style on it .

Christina I am wondering if your blister is my bother in drag? It could be. Back in the day whenever I saw a wrecked car I'd always think they must have met my ex-husband.
i took photos of Mom all the time - as a matter of fact I think I'll change my photo tpothe halloween pic we took last year - its a hoot - Anyway when Mom began her downward spiral I took some pics but after looking at them decided they were too 'precious' to share with my brothers - you know my daughter was only gone 6 weeks and when she left Mom was 'same old' and when she returned when I told her Mom was dying she was shocked at her appearance.

Linda I remember the pain I had from the gas they used to inflate your abdomen for those surgeries (exploratory and tubal) oh how my shoulders hurt for days and they said it was the gas 'trapped' there. Please give your daughter our best.

Geez, Christina .... kind of makes you want to launch an ambush of cranky caregivers armed with fistfulls of jagged gravel. Good thing for her we're not in the area.

This just in: after a seven month long absence by neglectful oldest daughter of 94 year old woman with advanced dementia, she was given a detailed report of her Mother's condition by younger caregiving sister, warning her of drastic changes to her condition, including notification of pending Cat scan to determine if major stroke may occur. Said neglectful ( various unmentionable adjectives deleted) daughter replied: "Barring a windstorm (which is not predicted) I will visit Mom tomorrow, Sat., the 29th."
I am not kidding. Remember, Grossed oldsters, she is always afraid the PAINT on her CAR will be Damaged in a windstorm. I can assure you-- and I sent her proof-- that today's upper end vehicles are not effected by sand windstorms, and how much can a frickin new windshield cost anyway?!?!
That is her husband, the car salesman and champion of hidden assets giving her
a BS excuse to pass on to her smarter, do the work, no BS sister.
I am not responding to her. SHE has declared how she values her Mother.
I'm so glad I have you, my friends and real sisters.

You GO Grizzly Barb! Love that inner bear!
Deef has snow ~

I wish idiot siblings could comprehend the day by day of anxiety with an ailing one ... all those deep breaths in anticipation of every movement or mood ...

J54? You OK? Lilliput? Nance? You others aren't missing & acknowlegded.

Special glow for our dear Kuli & Sarah.

thank you for letting me know not to forget pa s underwear . socks too . !

kuli - thinking of you so much , hope things go smoothly for you .

christina - love ur post .. glad u sent email to ur siblings and hope they will reply back , if not then u know they disown mom and you . they just care about themself only . screw em ... it hurts to see they behave like that , sad sad . we caregivers are the ones with big heart and the most carin angel we are . god created us to be one .

mariesmom - dont u be hoggin up all the snow now ya hear . u send some over this way ok how about cmas morning u send it this way . heeheee . hope ur lawyer be callin u with good news . hope u do get the house after all ure the one that is kinded heart to care for mom and her needs . u deserve to have the house along with ur daughter , best wishes for u girl ....

theres so many i wana say but not havin the time to meow it all out .
daughter is healin slowly , says tummy hurts and bloated , tld her they must have put alotta gas in there .

gotta go to the store and stock up ciggy for the weekend . going to have a halloween party tmr .
pa s stil not eating much , not drinkin enuff either , still whiney cryin , cant get his pee either ! suppose to get em today and take it to the lab . see if antibodi cured it or not . worryin about my pa . he just sleeps so much and when he s awake he whines . :-( ..
love you all and have a good day . angels all around us all . xoxoxo

Morning All,
Kimbo so sorry about the treatment you have received from your Dad. There must be something to the dynamic of mean parents getting excellent loving care by their emotionally abused but strong daughters. Bless you. I sent an email last night to my blister, I mean sister, explaining Mother's current state, how she should prepare herself to see the decline, no opportunity for conversation, and that she may not recognize her. I copied my bother, I mean brother. I will not get a reply from either, but I set that up by booting blister with a little shove last April.
Ann, dearheart: this time of year is famous for increased sadness. You are not alone. I woke up at 5 when hubby's alarm goes off, and it is just now getting light at 7 am. Cold, too. I think we have hyper-awareness due to being "on" constantly. I hope you are getting relief for your pain, and that your husband is feeling stronger. Did you find a solution for getting hour Mom from one level to another? Big Hug.
Miss you, Captain, and think of you every day:) sending much love and hugs to you.
Austin, did you get the big snow where you are?!?! WhooHoo! Be careful out there. I could not live where there is ice-- I would be on my butt all the time. Good thing I got plunked in SoCA:)
LindaHeart: I hope your daughter is feeling good again. Hugs and tickles to Pa, big gator hugs to you:)
Cricket, love your daily affirmations and appreciate your consistency. You are a great example of the power of positive thinking. I am making time to read my
Bible again, trying to build up my strength. So quickly I forget. My consistency needs work.
Kuli, I hope this day brings you more Peace. Hugs.
MSM, SS, Rosella, the Miz, Anniegirl in Ireland, Diane, the Jenster, the Ripster, big Deef, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera: Love you girls, sending prayers of hope,
health, endurance, prosperity, and all things your Hearts Desire. Have a good one. Xoxo

Morning all

Kuli - I forgot Moms undies too. I had gone online and ordered her burial clothing a week before she passed - found just exactly what she had told me she always wanted to be buried in. Then it arrived (and was perfect) and i realized she had no decent underthings so I order those overnight delivery and they too were perfect and arrived the day before she passed. Guess it would seem pretty silly to some as we had a closed casket - but it was a promise kept.

I couldn't sleep at all last night and found myself inventing acronymns at 4am for the arrogant, greedy, totally uninvolved family members many of us have in our lives.
GRIM (Greedy Relatives Inheritance Motivated)
SAMM (Siblings After Moms Money)

I am incensed over my oldest brothers email insinuation that I 'enriched' myself while caring for Mom and that there should have been more money left! Had daughter and I not cared for Mom at home beginning in 2006 there would have been nothing left - no money - no house - NOTHING! What an A**hole!

I have bent over backwards to hold my tongue with him throughout the last 6 yrs. He never came to see his mom - he never called - he only emailed responses occassionally to mine - when I told him his mom was actively dying he did nothing - not even as much as say "kiss her for me", or "tell her I love her" - nothing at all that showed any evidence of humanity. And now he wants me to sell her house so he can have the money? The last thing she ever said to him - and I was there in 2005 when this happened because I had INSISTED he come with me to check on our mother - was that the only thing she wanted was for us to keep the house in the family. But does he care? NO! He never cared apparently.
So now I think the gloves are off. He has poked the sleeping bear (that would be me) with a stick, and I am angry. All I have to do is pick up the phone, and in about 10 minutes ALL the money sitting in the joint account could be wired to my bank here. It is not probatable. It is not a part of Moms estate. I could take it all (insert evil laugh) and there is nothing he could do about it.

If he will not honor Moms last request to him to keep her little old house in the family - then why should I give him anything at all? Actually there was about 3K in probatable funds (the reason I had to go to probate court), so I could send him his 3rd of that - maybe in pennies! HA! HA!

Ok I have vented . . .I keep asking myself what Mom would want me to do in this situation - and I keep coming back to her desire to keep the house (she wanted my oldest daughter to have it) no matter what. Of course she should have put this in her will. I asked her to put it in her will many years before she became ill - and she said she couldn't - she said if she left the house to one grandchild in her will it would look as though she didn't care for her other grandchildren (she didn't). She said she was sure that when the time came, her children would abide by her 'stated' wishes.
OK I'm sorry. Still venting. Waiting on the call back from the lawyer and I won't do anything until I hear from him and am acting on more than a few hours sleep.

Please forgive the tirade.
--
Some potentially good news - my husbands phone interview with **RP went well and he has a real interview Thursday in DC. A glimmer of hope therefore, in these financially troubled times.

Love you guys. Snow predicted here tomorrow.

Kuli, you will make it through. You are strong. I am pretty weak and I made it through. And tears are good. It's all a part of it.

love,
miz

Ann- Didn't mean to make you cry. It's all just so surreal. I have gotten up the past two mornings expecting him in his usual kitchen chair, eating his bowl of cereal. When I would ask him how he was, he'd say "Still kickin" or "Not bad" even if he felt like crap. I miss him so much already, how am I ever going to get through the next weeks, months, years??? There will be lots of tears today. Gotta get out and buy some waterproof mascara. Hugs and peace to all, Kuli

It's 10am and I'm crying already. But it's Kuli's fault. That was such a lovely post, Kuli. It just breaks my heart. My mother has a teddy bear that she cuddles at night. She told me the other day that she would feel lost without him at night and she thought she ought to name him. I had to get out of her room fast. Broke into tears. Seems I cry easily now a days. This morning I am crying for you, Kuli. But they are tears of love and sympathy. You did get the best and so did he. Be proud of yourself. I will of course, keep the teddy bear.

Hope you all have a good day today. Love and many hugs to each one of you.
Ann

Christina-ask someone at the imaging place to help you get her out and into the car they will if you ask but probably will not offer on their own Flex -thank you for the update on Bobbie. Christina you are right I will have to answer Mom back at some point-and if I was with her more I would-she was so mean to me growing up-my gentleman friend is very supportive to me-he calls me each night and he listens to what I say.

Well that was weird! I knew I signed off, but couldn't find it and repeated the good night message again! Oh well! LOL

Christina, good luck with your Mom tomorrow, or should I say today! I would let siblings know about her condition. If the sibling prone to fainting faints when she sees your Mom, so be it! I know It sounds harsh, but she should have gotten off her duff a long time ago to see her! You have been the one constant in your Mom's life! I think if they bother to get up close and personal to your Mom, "They get what they get, and don't need to throw a fit"! Just my opinion! Hang in there sweetheart! Ah Paul Lynd, laugh just thinking about him. I loved watching him on Bewitched as Uncle Arthur! LOL I still watch that show in re-runs when I get a chance! Wish I could twitch my nose and make everybody's problems disappear!

Hey Austin! I think the reason I could confront my Dad is because he has lived here for 11 years, and has not been very kind to me through the years! Very self absorbed and he does not consider anybody's feelings! He has always reminded me of how unworthy I am of anything good in this life! I love him, but I don't like him. My Mom was just the opposite! I had a break down after she passed and to this day see a doc for depression and anxiety issues. After about a year of therapy, my Dad made a rude comment to me and I just went off! He was totally with it at the time and physically fine! He didn't know what to do! I felt empowered for the first time in years! Those feelings we keep bottled up can destroy us! After he broke his hip in April, there was dementia, but it got worse and when he came home, he didn't want to play by our rules! My daughter had an important Irish Dance competition in Michigan. We had to leave on Friday for Michigan. Found a great respite and he went Thursday with us to check it out! We even had lunch there! Friday he refused to go! Six hour drive to Michigan! He refused and refused. I called our neighbors and they came in and checked on him! At one point neighbor rang the bell and no answer! She looked through the window and saw him on the couch eyes open and dogs jumping on him! She called me in Michigan and thought she should call 911! I told her not to call because he just didn't want to get up and answer the door! They used their key and sure enough, he was fine! I was so angry when we got home, I let him have it! Building an apartment for him in the garage, and that will be the next hurdle! Have already told him that if he won't move in the apartment, he will go elsewhere! No more complications! Sorry I wrote a book, but just wanted to fill you in on the circumstances! Hugs and wish you good luck with your Mom. It is so very hard and every family has it's own unique circumstances!

I am going off to bed now. Sweet dreams to all! Love you all! Kim







Going off to bed now! Love you all! Sweet dreams to each of you! Kim

Kuli, take good care of yourself! Rest when you can! You are in my thoughts heavily right now! Sending much love and hugs your way! Kim

Cuz, omg-Hollywood Squares. I remember that show and the celebs very well. Another show with Gene Rayburn was The Match Game. Same risqué Improv. My stomach is sore from laughing; I envisioned Rose Marie and the stupid bow she wore in her hair-/ I had the same kind in sixth grade and tossed them pretty
fast. Marty Allen's Afro-comb-over, Paul Lynd's flamboyancy before it was mainstream. Wow. Nothing is that funny anymore. Thanks for the guffaws. Nite:)

Kuli. Bless your heart. You got the best, and so did your Dad. Blessings to you and your family. Hugs:)

Made all the funeral arrangements today - so weird. Realized after we were at the funeral home that we didn't bring any underwear for dad so went back later with that. Again - so weird. Hospice nurse came by to see how I was doing. I was going through stuff to put out at the visitation and was telling her how dad had very specific things he wanted to give my sis and bro as far as belongings. I told her when he would talk about that with me I would try to think what I would want - what property would I want to remember dad. I told her I couldn't think of anything and she said that's because you got the best - you got time with him. She's so right. So that's why we do what we do - we get the best. Peace to all tonite ~ Kuli

Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course…

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency...

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty...

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps...One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures…

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should finish things we started & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.
luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvvvvvvvv CUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZ