Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

If you planted hope today
in any hopeless heart,
if someone's burden was lighter
because you did your part,
if you caused a laugh
that chased some tears away,
if tonight your name is named
when someone kneels to pray,
then your day has been well spent.
lovCuz

Yes, I am considering that, Rosella. Since the last nasty email from my brother, I have not sent any messages to be forwarded. I have been pro-active with information regarding our Mother's ongoing status. Probably more info than either cared about. So, I have kept them up to date. I have asked brother to forward, and every so often I simply copy her. Since she is now in So Ca, I will send her a quick note saying " she should be prepared for Mother's drastic decline since she last saw her." Warning her is the least I can do for her pathetic arrogance. She could faint when she sees her.

Christina, I would inform your siblings, instead. I think you have always to protect yourself from future criticisms. If you tell them, and they don't do anything, and they don't come, they are the ones to be blamed. If you don't tell them, and the situation gets worse, you could be blamed for not telling them.

Hey Y'all,

Just stopping in to say hello to you all. We all have our own struggles to deal wtih in the various stages of caregiving. I pray we all have the strength to carry on each day. Yes, caregiving and injustice seem to go hand-in-hand. I was texting with Bobbie this morning and she used the word "incensed" and I thought that was a terrific word to describe my feelings at times. She too is struggling to close this chapter in her life. Well, I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy, my companion for the next hour.

Have a good night and I hope everyone gets some rest.

Love ya,
Diane

christina - find out if they have free van service for elders . i just found out about one here in town . wonderful ! i too dreed gettin dad in the van lift him up and blah blah , end up with stiff neck and sore back dman it all .
was glad the nurse tld me about it . whew .
nah dont even bother sendin pictures to ur siblings , have they ever called and say how s mom ? show any concerned about mom ? if not then fk em . i wouldnt even bother to try .
i send my bro a text picture of dad , breaks his herat that he couldnt be closer here . over thousand miles away . so he would have a picture of himself and some how i get it on my printer and show em to dad . he would smile everytime . i even had one framed and set it on his end table . they have a bond theyre best friend . and i cheerish that ...
if your siblings doesnt talk to u or ask about mom , phhht why even bother ....
gotta go . zoom :-) xoxo

Thanks, Max. Yes, I agree:)

Thanks, Miz. My compassion tells me do NOT send it, and even though my human side is so angry, I think I must do what my spirit tells me is loving. I am tired of the obvious struggle between light and dark. The injustice that Jen has experienced, the cruelty Diane suffers, Selfish Siblings ongoing angst, etc-- I am thinking of each of you, but my heart cannot bear to mention each affront--I pray to God: have mercy. This thread is a reward and a haven of love; the cyber body is refreshed, but the body and mind in real time is damaged.
I will call the imaging place in the morning. I just hope I will have help to get Mother in and out of the car into wheelchair. Her legs are not wanting to move.
Sorry, it was a difficult afternoon.

Ksobhi good post-I bite my tongue when with my mother-I do not want to get a 92 yr. old upset-she is very alert but I am not sure how long I can let her not respond to her anger-I do not live close but when visiting her she drives me crazy.Christina I do not think I would send the photo-as you said you care and would go to see her but siblings often do not get it-I have begged my brother to visit our Mom and might just as well have been talking to a barn-I will not bother asking him again-I even talked to his wife before they were married about how frail she is-it did no good.

Christina, that is a tough one. They might just want to blame it on the nursing home or shrug it off somehow. If they have not taken the trouble to spend time with her up to this point, I say don't send it. But, on the other hand, if you do send it your conscience will be clear and if they choose not to come it's on them. And, Sweetie, don't stress about that 5 lbs. You are in such a stressful situation that you don't need to inflict any more upon yourself. You're in my thoughts. And I know it's so hard to know what to do. I hope this helps.

love,
miz

Close, I meant.

Hey, BoBo: you really need to learn how to express your feelings. HaHa!! Get it out, babe! Whoo Hoo!!!
I'm having a pedicure and just came from seeing Mother. Her head was tilted over to the left and her arms were up clode to her chest. She was drooling a lot. Do you think she had a stroke? She was like that once before a few weeks ago when she got off the other meds. I am drained each time I go to see her and cry the whole tIme. I decided yesterday I am not going to worry about the extra five pounds I just gained eating junk from being frustrated and angry. I have to keep dealing with it and do whatever to comfort myself. I am not sure if I should send photo I took today to siblings so they can see her situation. If I saw it, I would come to see her immediately, but we already know I care! Any advice, ideas, input is appreciated. Hope everyone has a good night. Love you girls:) xo

Confrontation can be very good for the soul! When Dad pulled that crap refusing to go to respite care when Hannah had to go to a competition, I gave it to him good when we got back! Sometimes enough is enough! I felt better and he understood what I was talking about! He would have had great care and we wouldn't have had to worry! Neighbors did the best they could and I am grateful to them, but he needed to be in respite! Sometimes a person just has to draw a line in the sand! I just had to get it out and have no regrets about it. Pleased that it was directed at the person who made the weekend that was supposed to be relaxing into the weekend of anxiety and hell for us! Happy though that Hannah accomplished her goal in spite of it all! I felt bad for her though, cause it had to be bittersweet! Sorry I am ranting again about that! It is still very fresh and very typical behavior for Dad! Never make a situation easier, but complicate things as much as possible for the very people that are his life line! Agh! Thanks, I feel better now! Dad sleeping of course! Not for long, cause I am running the vacuum in a few minutes!

Boat Time Cricket! YAY! for Sadie! What a scare ...!!! You're the cyber confetti artisit or I'd add some.
Chris ~
sending you an email. Place to look forward to next visit here.

John & Kuli with us today ~ monumental

Hey Jen, Have you ever confronted your grandfather for his offenses? Maybe it would be a good thing for both of you, before he is totally out of it for real. Give him the opportunity to make his amends, even if he can't verbalize it, he can do it mentally. Of course, lock mommy in the closet while you talk to him so she can't make excuses for him. Oh, I have had some doozy confrontations with my effed up family over the years--mostly mother and sister. I had one with Mother's last husband about 15 years ago while he was still contentious, and she came to his defense. Just the thought of a good confrontation makes my heart beat a little faster. When your motivation is cleaning the slate and your anger is righteous, I think it is a very healthy thing. Sometimes you don't get the response you hope for, but you have no idea what is going on in his tormented mind. Torment. Torment.
Just a thought, LoveBug. Hugs and Kisses:) Love to ALL...

there u are jen ! we must been typing at the same time . bighugs to you dear .
sometimes when we break down crying it makes us lit stronger . a good cry is what we all needed once a while .
maybe FP is sorry for begin a burden to you . cuz he knows it and he feels it too .
maybe the home health lady will come in and give FP A BATH ?
mine came today and left . pa smelling good .
will meow more later tnite .
meatloaf for supper tnite , yum .. xoxox

hello you all ! been thinkin about jsomebody . where is she ? hope she s not sick .
yep i dug up 4 holes yesterday 3 out front and 1 in the back . was glad that the ground wasnt hard . now i have banana tree outside that needs fully attention . think im gonna force myself to bring it in the garage and give it a fully attention . dead leaves and maybe spiders etc needs to get out !
its going to get colder and i need to do that asap .

yes i am so glad that it s only cyst , thank you lord . kimmy i sure hope u pass yours . it was scary to know i didnt pass the mamogram and it was scary to see pots on ultrasound , i laid there and saw the whole thing , i thought oh shit ! thats not looking good waaaaaaaaa . was so scared when dr came in and redone it , says its cyst , whew i was so glad i could walk out and not look back till next year .
cricket i am so happy that ur sadie mae is back to herself again . hope she learn her lesson about the ugly frog .

mariesmom . i wish you and hubby well . hopin he get the job so you guys wont have to worry about money . it is getting cooler here , gotta keep the house warm for pa . welcome to high electri bill . im just glad i dont have to worry about gas bill or oil , hate them ! changed my old furnace into total electri , love it but dont love the bill .
you guys have a good evening , im gonna be zoomin around , love ya all !!

Things seriously chokey here, care level and needs of grandfather seem to be increasing as is moms lack of sleep and strength that she needs to carry them out, I get the extras, laundry dishes, what ever I can do to help that usually does not involve touching him....And when it does I do it as little as possible. Canceled Adult Day Health as he is too weak and healing from the broken ribs and really bathing the now ripe old man is not gonna happen for a bit as well. just forget it. I hope we did not just lose our SASTA service for pick ups and drop offs but if we did at least there would be no more waiting around for the bus to come get him...save 25 bucks a month, mom'll like that. maybe if we could drop one of his going days that would help too...I don't know I just do what I can to help here. He is crankier and just as stupid and has his stubborn moronic ideas and ENDLESSLY REPETITIVE COMMENTS that have driven mom nuts! The "It's these damn shoes!" for the eighth billion time just set her off..."I know Daddy, I KNOW!!"
He said to me when we were alone in the ER that he was sorry to be so much trouble...I said it wasn't you it was the Dilantin, which was half true....Your trouble that is all there is too it, at sometime or another we all are, we need help, we screw up we get in the way...such is life, want it to end you gotta die, cause at 90 and in a wheel chair you are going to be a burden to some degree. The best help you can give is to not be so crabby, Not do stupid things that put you at risk for greater injury and Make some SMALL effort to maintain a level of hygiene...But you don't do these things, you choose as your attempt at lessening the burden to try to reach too far, take on too much, wear the same under wear for weeks at a time, recycle back washed water (purified) etc. Yes, more burden and no one has had a good night sleep in FIVE ears because there is no rest when care giving is full time, in your home and family. It is what it is and will be till you or we die...

Anyhow the facts are: he fell, he lied that he was hurt, he has two broken ribs and the fall was because of the fucking Dilantin toxicity, and now, that after THREE such episodes, Dr. Woodchuck, (my new name for him) has decided, OK, too little Dilantin is better than too much...Jesus Christ thank you ya jack ass! Now go out golfing you reprobate!
while in the ER on my feet for the whole five hours, when they forget the blood test, and ran the X-rays a story about a kidnapped/murdered bulldog locally, made me so upset I broke down and cried in the room and I didn't care...It was just too much...It has been too much, for a long time. But we go on, I deal I handle it, I keep up my end and reserve the right to complain and view him with contempt as long as I do what is necessary. at least now he is so weak he has no strength to play his God Awful records..."Jimmy Crack Corn And I Don't Care" I kid you NOT! and ..he doesn't leer at me so much....
I read the posts and keep up just can't comment much. not getting into or starting any drama, I am too tired for it, who ever is here, is here... I hope you are all safe and warm and at peace and everyone gets a break here and there so we don't all go Bug-house!!! Hello to all...Jen

I got the backyard cleaned up and strung some color changing lights around the trunk of the oak tree.. it's going to look so pretty at night :) been only doing what has to be done in the house cause the weather is so nice I want to be outside. I'm having my salad now for lunch and wanted to share my wonderful day with you all. It will be time to take dad for another drs appt. soon... oh well the day isn't perfect but it's still great!!

Good Morning all, Barb, I'm not sleeping in! Sadie Mae is back to normal and I am so grateful to still have her! My house is a wreck from not doing anything at all yesterday but it's a beautiful day outside and I'm ready to open all the windows and get busy or like Linda always says "zoom zoom" here and there, LOL
Barb, sooner or later (hopefully sooner) your husband will find the perfect job for him and you will to. I like your belief about staying busy.. I agree.
Kimmie, let me know how the mammo practice sessions go, LOL
Kuli, I am thinking about you this morning and hope you are catching up on some much deserved sleep!
Cuz, omg the jokes have been great!!
Bobbie, I hope you are okay and will soon see the end to the project you're on.
Linda did you get your 3 holes dug up yesterday? I'm amazed at all the zoom zooming you do all the time! Must be the perfect combination of caffeine and beers!
Mary, flex, lilli, miz, jen, diane, ann, rosella, austin, christine, linda, and kimmie, as I go about my day you are all in my thoughts and in my heart. Now on to the business of getting through another day!

OK is everyone sleeping in?
The first freeze warning of the season is posted here in mid-Maryland, it sounds like the roof is leaking (of course), and i just responded to a dear lady who is totally freaked out because she is off to the NH to bring her Mom home to live with her. Sigh . . .some of our journeys are just beginning and others have finished.

Kuli I was thinking of you again when I woke this morning. I was prepared for my mother's death yet I was not. It happens too quickly even when it is expected. The 'new' normal we return to once our parent is laid to rest and all the busy work that accompanies this is accomplished (or at least set in motion), is one in which we find ourselves (at least in my case) a bit lost.

"Its good to be busy" is something I have always said, and I believe it is an easier transistion if we are at work on something. Unable to find a paying job in my circumstance, I have thrown myself into doing the genealogy thing - and am grateful to have it to do. Perhaps karma will smile on my husband and he will be able to get the job he interviews for tomorrow, thus freeing me up to find something. (I haven't even looked as almost certainly it would not be here).

Last night we went to Waffle House for dinner - it was under $20 including tip and we both got pork chops, eggs, grits, biscuits (delicious) and the woman who served us must have been in her 60's. Husband felt badly for her. I chose to think that it was very good for her to be busy and even wondered if they were hiring...

Love you guys.

Linda I am so glad with your results.Cricket great news that Sadie is home and doing well. Kuli I am so sorry-you will always remember that you were there for him-that will give you comfort forever. I hope all of you have a great day.

... after days of following & becoming acquainted with everyone on Grossed, my first tentative post was -
"You all ROCK!" & a little bah-blah-blah! Nothing judgemental I hope.

SO why is it on a super sensitive death day that the Amber Janes are drawn to us? Cripes!!! Read a bit first!


Love the mammo & Women's Poem!

Allow yourself to rest, dear Kuli ~

Gonna practice for my Mammo that is coming up next month. Tomorrow the refrigerator and by next week work up to the stranger with the icy bookends! The training is essential! Already got the Rocky theme song playing!! Hehehehehe

I think the Woman's Poem should be renamed "The Clueless Woman's Poem". LOL

Cricket, happy to hear that Sadie is back at home! Hugs, Kim

Right on Barb with the fairies! Have a sign in our house that reads "Don't Piss Off The Fairies" LOL

One who's handsome, strong and smart
One who'd never sneak a fart

Cuz - you are the man!

Nite all.

A WOMAN'S POEM:


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand..
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.



A MAN'S POEM:


I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big tits who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

kuli your dad is no longer in pain. hugs to you and your family.
luvCuz

Cricket, if the vets sent her home it means she's alright. Otherwise they would have kept her under control. So, try to relax and pet her a lot. If she sleeps it's because of all the medicines she had to take, and for the stress... She just needs you, now!