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Christina, that story about the dog named Sex reminds me of the old Abbott and Costello skit about baseball.....Whose on first, Whats on second and I don't know is on third. Very old and funny stuff.
Hope you all are doing well tonight. Mama finally came out of her room today and is acting fine. Social worker came to see us and is going to try to get me a 5 day respite in Nov.
My brother in VA sent me $600 today and said to put mom in day care or whatever I needed. Bless his heart. He wishes he could do more to help, but that is just a blessing. He really cares and I feel so fortunate to have him.
Gotta take mom to get staple out tomorrow. The social worker got us an appt with the hospice Dr. Should go ok.
Linda, how did your tests turn out? How's your daughter? And Pa?
I wrote a long post today and hit submit and zap it was gone into cyber space. What's up with that? I have a love hate relationship with this website.
Christina, those who really need to be forgiven usually never ask for it and don't care if it's given or not. Forgiveness is something we need to do for our own peace of mind. Holding a grudge is like holding acid. It only hurts the grudge holder. That being said, It's been very hard for me to let go of a hurt that goes to the bone. Even when I think I have forgiven, it often comes back to haunt me from time to time and I wonder did I really forgive? I guess we just have to keep trying every day and hope for the best.
Good one, Cricket. I know you're right about forgiveness and reconciliation. I have a girlfriend since we were in 9th grade. We were BFs until 1998 after 30 years. We were estranged until last year in February. I found her on FB and emailed her. She is an awesome spiritual woman, and we took it from there. She could not remember what it was about (so she said. haha), but our relationship is so much more important than the issue at the time. I know things have healed with my Mother, and now anything left over I must deal with, within myself. The crap with my sister, well, if she thinks her s--t doesn't stink, then who can convince her that it does? I think she will come around in the same way our Mother did--at the last minute when she has nothing better to do or something to buy, or someone to impress. Will I be there? Right now, I don't want to think about it, but when one knows better, how can one turn away? She is almost 10 years older than I with much less going for her in all departments, so I must be merciful, I suppose. But if one of her sons ask me to take care of her, I will know I am doomed. haha A wiener dog? I don't know that much about dogs. Maybe Rip will answer, or Kuli:)
That's it, my next dog is going to be named Sex!! To much fun to be had to pass that up, ha!
Christina, Here's my take on forgiveness/reconciliation. If I am willing to hold out the olive branch and forgive or ask for forgiveness and it is received and I am forgiven then the relationship is blessed. If it is not accepted and I am not forgiven then I am still blessed for doing my part and the pain of the situation can be released from me because I tried, I am then blessed because it's a burden I no longer share and it holds no power over me. Now as far as the others go, well we can only control what we choose to do, can we forgive them when they are the ones who wronged us? we don't have to, we can refuse because we are in the right and they are in the wrong but then the pain of what they did is always buried deep inside us. If we choose to forgive (not condone) we can let the pain of what they did go in the sense that we no longer have to let it matter to us and let it continue to hurt us..thus we benefit. Anyway, you asked and that's what I believe.
Now I'm wondering what breed of dog would carry the name Sex best? LOL
Thanks Chris. Mary Rip has put a stone as a memorial for Nicky and for one of her dogs who died recently. The place is called "Paradise valley" or something like this! I understand very well your wish of putting things straight, but if the other people don't want to cooperate, I am afraid there is not much you can do.... It is very good that you keep trying. (It's you who posted the story of the stone and PUSH!) But don't feel disappointed if you face people who like to live their life in numbness.... It's easier for them. LOL (lots of love)
Yes, I think you are right, Rosella. I have a hard time knowing when to cut my losses. But, being a caregiver has sped up my lesson learning, and I feel like I am starting to let go of some things more easily. My husband tells me to just move on. I am very stubborn about certain principles and that is my ego weakness. Years ago someone asked me if I want to be loved or want to be right. I thought about it for a second and answered that I want to be loved for being right. haha Just kidding. Not really. If I'm right about something--facts, principles, whatever--I want it to be acknowledged. That is my hang up, I know, and I'm sorry. Comes from years of fighting my invisibility. Before I die, I promise I will give it up:D
"Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Spot. I made the mistake of calling mine "Sex". Now, Sex has been very embarrassing for me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too!" Then I said, "But this is for a dog." He said, "I don't care what she looks like." Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have been quite a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. Not wanting the dog to bother us, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me, too." One day I entered Sex in a dog show. Before the competition began, another contestant asked me what I was doing. I told him I planned to have Sex in the show. He said I should have sold my own tickets. When I asked if the show was televised, he called me a pervert. I left my dog at the Veterinarian one day; when I went back to pick him up, I said, "I've come for my dog." She asked, "Which one? Spot or Rover?" I said, "What about Sex?" she slapped me. After I straightened out the misunderstanding, I asked if Sex was good for her. She slapped me again. Sex ran away one afternoon. I went to the dog pound. As I was looking in all the cages the operator came up to me. I said I was looking for Sex. He said I was looking in all the wrong places. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." He asked, What's your point? So did I." I said, "But my wife wants to take Sex away." He said, "That's what happens in a divorce." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking for him all over town. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.'
(I almost pee in my pants every time I read this. It cracks me up. I hope you all enjoyed it. OK--I'm done now:) Love and Hugs, Christina xoxoxoxo
Christina, as far as I am concerned, I try to speak to people who are willing to speak. If I feel I am wrong, I say I am sorry, if I think they are wrong, I tell them and they answer. My friends and some of my cousins belong to this cathegory. And then there is another cathegory of people to whom I don't even try to speak anymore: people who don't want to talk and don't want to listen (my brother for example; most of my relatives). I have no time nor energy to waste in battles which are already lost. (I tried in the past and I was always defeated)
I misspoke. I meant the others need to Be forgiven, or ask for forgiveness, but they never make that move, or even think they should. Or have the guts to do it.
"Take Steps Toward Reconciliation"--Ann Landers from the L A Times, 1989
"Dear Ann: I have suddenly become aware that the years are flying by. Time somehow seems more precious. My parents suddenly seem old. My aunts and uncles are sick, and I fear they don't have many years left. I haven't seen some of my cousins for several years. I really love my family, Ann, but we have grown apart. I am also thinking of my friends, some I've known since childhood. Those friendships become more precious as the years pass. Nothing warms the heart like sharing a laugh with someone you've know for a long time. Then my thoughts turn to the dark side. I remember the feelings I've hurt, and I recall my own hurt feelings--the misunderstandings and unmended fences that separated us and set up barriers. I have a close friend in New York I haven't spoken to in three years. Another 28-year old relationship in Seattle is on the rocks. We're both 41 now, and time is marching on. I think of my Mother and her sister who haven't spoken to each other in five years. As a result of that argument, my cousin and I haven't spoken either. I don't know if she has children. Neither of us has met the other's husband. What a waste of precious time. I'm sure there are millions of people in your reading audience who could tell similar stories. Wouldn't it be terrific if a special day could be set aside to reach out and make amends? We could call it "Reconciliation Day" Everyone would vow to write a letter or make a phone call and mend a strained or broken relationship. It could also be the day on which we would all agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend. This day could be the starting place. We could go from there to heal the wounds in our hearts and rejoice in a new beginning." Signed, Van Nuys
"Dear Van Nuys: What a beautiful idea. In the absence of a national holiday, it would be wonderful if every person who sees your letter picked up the phone and called someone with whom he has had a falling out. Are you game, folks? I'll guarantee some heartwarming results. Go ahead and do it. and please write and tell me about it. Dear Readers: After printing that column, I heard from thousands of readers who called people with whom they had not spoken to for a long time. To be able to forgive can be enormously healing. It is the best example of casting bread upon the waters and getting back caviar sandwiches. Do it today."
(I thought this was a good idea. Then, I realized that most of the people that have been hurt on OUR end, are the type that would most likely extend the olive branch. Those of us who "get it" are still suffering, and the people who need to do the forgiving are not budging!!! Maybe not in all cases, but I'm thinking of Diane, SS, Miz, and all the other caregivers whose siblings are always making US the bad guys. Am I wrong in my interpretation? Can I get some feedback? My thought is if those who are doing all the work reach out to the people who have been assholes, then it looks like we need them and then they get away with all the crappy things they have done, and all the HELP they have NOT GIVEN! Hey, I'm taking the risk here of looking like an idiot, but I don't care. Is there an answer that will serve "us" as well as "them"? Thinking of all of you, and all you do for others. Love, Christina ps; now for the sex thing. heehee
I found the sex article online. But first, here is another one that many will relate to in a thoughtful way:
The Cast
I lost the starring part in Our Town To Linda, a girl not half as good as me, Who kept her eyes down for the whole tryout, and even stuttered.
When the cast was posted and the high school drama coach saw me reading it through my tears He put his arm around me and said, "Now look--things are not always as they appear. This is not Broadway. It's an educational institution. We're here for two reasons--to put on a show, and, more important, to help people grow. Someday you'll see."
So Linda played Emily, and she didn't even stutter. And I was Third Woman at the Wedding. Watching and wondering how he knew What she could really do if she had the chance.
Since then I have guessed that God Being a whole lot smarter than my high school drama coach Might be offstage sometimes With an arm around a questioning cast. "Now, don't try to outguess me. Sometimes the first shall be last And the last shall be first, and I've got My own reasons. I need some strong ones to star And some strong ones to stand back. I'm going to put out front some you might not choose, But you'll see what they can really do When they have the chance. Mortality is an educational institution. We've got to put on the show, and too, we've got to help people grow."
As I watch through the scenes, Watch the costumes move, And listen to the lines Of the powerful, the weak, The rich, the poor, I look at the leads with less awe than most, And look at the spear-carriers with more.
I have been looking for the article, but we have rearranged so many things since we brought Mother to our house, changed guest rooms, offices, and now I have a headache from trying to figure out where the article is. I can see the box, but it cannot see me. Yelled at hubby. He puts things away so well you cant get to anything in the garage. Daughter moving next weekend into a bigger apt with fiance, so she will have to take ALL the Barbies and American girl crappola and store it at their place. AHHHHHH, SIGH......I am beginning a new chapter and passing the baton feels so good. Still have Mother's things, however, and I am not sentimental about that stuff, either. Thank goodness some things skip a generation, but I am not chopped liver in the middle of rye bread. Get my drift? Lol OK. I will play Cuz and post some other things I found. Not as funny as his stuff, but maybe will hit a nerve. Maybe I will Google the sex thing and if it's there, I will post it later. Hope everyone is dressed (ahem) and having a good day. So far, I have been a good girl. But it is barely past noon. Hugs
hi you all ! . just a quickie here . daughter came out ok , dr took half of her ovary out , never heard of that before but she did it . so hopefuly she do good with one and half ovaries , she came home and went straight to bed , soon i ll be zoomin to town to get her drugs doc prescribe and sprite for her to drink and burp all the gasses out . annt- i know what ure sayin those ramps for cars to go up so repairman can get under it . great idea i think that shall work . wont hurt to try em out . sounds like ur moms begin so stubborn . well if she falls she can goto rehab and give u time to heal . all up to her . ask her that . oh heres ur walker mom and if she blah blah just say ok u fall u going to rehab . lalala . cant argue with old folks they ve been around for a longtime and theyre always right lol . big hugs xoxo . ok need to zoom around some . pa s happy to see me back home and he s all smiles to know his grandbaby s going to be alright , love ya all and meow at ya later . p.s. i had pblms last night on puter i think facebooks all fked up . made this puter frozed up too many damn time i had to shut er down . screw em ! . xoxox
Hmmm - so my husband makes an 8 hr RT to talk about a job only to find out they want him to sell banners for semi trucks? Why why why???
So I MADE myself get off ancestry and down to Moms old room. Rehung the screens after husband painted. Put the curtains back up - I HATE hanging curtains. Gathered the box with Mom's "babies" especially Molly, and couldn't resist smelling her before they all went into the washer. Molly smelled of Mom - but of Mom as she lay dying. Clean - yet not. Its hard to explain.
I believescent memories are among our strongest. From time to time I will detect the same scent that was in a small pink bottle of cologne my Dad sent me from Korea when I was very young. Takes me right back to my dresser and that bottle.Oh, dad also sent me a child's Korean 'costume' kind of like what the Geisha wore. It was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. Mom let me look at it but I was not allowed to touch it - much less wear it. She said it had germs, and she took it out to trash can. That was my Mom.
Ooops - that wasn't the least but humorous let me see . . . A trial is taking place in Mississippi. The defendant is a sweet grandmotherly type.
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: What happened?
Little Old Woman: That's when he yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!
HI Golf- you're back:) My husband's avatar could be "golfb$$$", or golfb taking up the whole weekend except for when football be taking up the weekend. I do understand. It's nice to meet you. I play every few years since it is not a priority with me, especially when money is tight. I would rather drink wine and have garden sex. I'll find the article about sex that I cut out of the newspaper 30 years ago. It is hysterical and will combine our love of humor and our love of dogs. It's not nasty, don't worry. Hey, maybe today we will laugh instead of cry, get dressed and eat healthy. We shall fill the black hole from the bottom up with laughter and hope. OK--I know where it is. BBL
Morning girls, Thank you for your comment about weight. Cricket. I'll take the advice. too, every day I wake up, put on my walking/workout clothes and eat a healthy hi protein low carb breakfast and get my huge bottle of water. Somewhere within the day my overly sensitive psyche gets hurt, worried, or discouraged and I eat for comfort. I should have mastered it by now, but I haven't. Many distractions and disappointments, and the metabolism. But, I will try again today. Sigh. Qaddafi gone bye-bye. Maybe that was the next shoe I was feeling. Good enuf. Now that I am not immersed round the clock with Mother and her behaviors, it is easier to see the personality traits mixed with dementia. The burned out wires in her brain-- or whatever the dynamic is that causes random outbursts and particular details to present--seem to point to attempts at survival, hanging onto ownership of certain ingrained habits. It's pretty remarkable, after practically having to drag Mother from the damned recliner in the care home to get her in the wheelchair so I can take her to her room to visit and play music, away from the annoying stares of caregivers and other guests; to hear her strong will coming through in her voice that she is so happy I am there, that I am a blessing to her, shows the strength that got her to 94 and other than dementia now effecting her motor skills, a strong body. Her appetite is still good, she enjoys chocolate and her music, and getting out, if I can physically get her there. When the will starts to weaken, then that will be a different day. Maybe it never will. I can be amused at her orneryness now, but I wasn't when she was here. I think we know the difference between personality and how dementia is changing the personality. The frustration is the proximity-- as hand on care givers, there is not much objectiveness. We become part of the dynamic. Hard to put into words. You know what I mean. I better go get my coffee and relax. Haha see you all later. Love you all. Hugs, Christina xo
Barb, I agree with docjgirl about the picture frame, that is funny!
I am thinking that you would be a wonderful sight to many employers, a woman with your knowledge, experience, and the part about taking years off from the work place to care for your elderly Mother just shows you have loyalty, dedication, know how to set your priorities and plain old stick-to-it-ness. Don't cut yourself short!!
As to being overweight, who isn't these days? You are still the same person you used to be when you were at your right weight, you just put on a comfort blanket to protect you from all the pain and hardship of the last few years, you are respectable and loveable just the way you are...so no more beating yourself up about it. Just love yourself and as your wounds heal you will naturally make better diet and exercise choices and the weight will come off. Thin or heavy it only changes on a physical level, you are still you the person on the inside where it counts most. XXOO I'm off to do errands and get groceries now. tty'all later. :))
Mariesmom....That is funny about the photo album yelling "This is my house!!" Mom does the same thing to me. Alot of times you know in the afternoon she keeps saying i want to go home i want to go home....when i try to calm her down after walking around and around in circles in the living room she will tell me to sit down and to stop telling her what to do because "This is MY house and i can do what i want and when i want." LOL and i think ok now maybe you will sit down. LOL Huggs for you as you get out in the work force. I haven't had a job since 2003, except for working about 3 hours at claires doing inventory. wow...i made like $30 and actually paid in about $2.00 taxes i think. Anyone who can care for an elderly alzheimers at home 24/7 should be able to get a job, you would think. It is you know a little harder than flipping burgers.
Goodluck to you!! Time for me to lay back down. Mom is out snoring again. Sleep when ya can.
Morning all. Husband off for the job interview - actually he is stuck in traffic rying to get out of town for the job interview.
I was up til 2am adding the headstone pics I took at the old country cemetery to ancestry. I was thrilled (I am a real history nerd) to be able to add the headstone photos of MY family ancestors to the family tree I've been working on/off for many years. Makes me think someone somewhere is smiling to know that they re remembered.
All this talk about depression and I thought I was Ok but then yesterday I never got dressed or even brushed my hair AND I took a nap in the afternoon. I think more than depression though its a lack of motivation. Mom's gone - I'm free! So wouldn't it be nice to get a job? I look at the jobs on craigslist and my local paper and there are some there I know I could do with my eyes closed in accounting, bookkeeping, office management, etc - but i also know they are not looking for a soon to be 56 year old overweight woman who has been out of the workforce since 2008! About the only thing I could likely get a job doing would be caring for someone else's mom or dad - and I don't even want to think about that. OK - thats my pity party forthe morning . . . --- I have begun my christmas shopping - you heard me right - my budget is about $100 this year and if i start now I can shop carefully. I bought two wonderful books for my toddler grandson (the animal pictures MOVE like on an LED screen) at the Smithsonian last week, and I have renewed Bianca's subscript to Oprah and jess's to Writer's Digest. So all I have left is husband (who will be happy with a beer cozy) and youngest daughter and SIL's - one of which gets a renewal to Rolling Stone. They know our financial situation and I have accepted it so I need not stress about what I will get for whom. --- Eldest Daughter Bianca went to Moms grave on Monday (1 mo) where they had the date of death scroll done - it was very very hard for her. I guess since I am alaone here today i should go down and put away the last of the blankets, pillows, etc that still sit awaiting disposition in Moms old room. Also Ms Molly - Moms doll, who needs some washing machine time and then a place on the bookshelf perhaps next to a pic of Mom? That sounds nice. I should get one of those talking picture frames and have it yell "This is MY HOUSE!" in Momma's southern drawl whenever you touch it.
Miz I am happy you called someone for the dog. I had a similar situation here with the neighbour's dog. My friend and I kidnapped him. Then we took him to a private kennel to have him adopted, and one month ago he found a good family and he is very happy now. He is not the same dog anymore. He was scared, sad, now he has a happy smile and he has taken some weight. Cricket, Christina, Diane, Jen, Mary, kiss to all of you. I know it is a bad period (a particularly bad period) for everyone.
pss. Linda, does your Pa have a family pet to cuddle? I know that my horde of Boston Terriers keep Dad entertained and provide him with cuddles and companionship. If it weren't for the Dogs I'm sure Dad would really drive me crazy... well more crazy. o.O
I went to sleep last night at midnight and woke up at 3am, stayed in bed til 5:45 trying to get back to sleep.. nada! so I just decided to get up for the day. Not the best way to start the day but it is what it is. LOL Christina, When I had the flu shot last year it made me get sick to. This year I decided to just skip it. Oh course I made sure Dad had his because of his COPD. Miz, I'll trade places with you for a month, If we're lucky the temp will drop down below 80 this week. I love the cooler climate. I even like the cold winters for about 2 months but then I'm ready to head south too! Ann, has your Mom been diagnosed with AD? If so, It makes me wonder why the nurse told you your Mom's actions were not AD but rather stubbornness. I'm just curious. AD is so subtle that for me it was hard to recognize at first and I was thinking it was just because Dad was being an asshole, lol It helped me tremendously to understand and cope once I knew it was the disease. I hope for you and your Mom's sake that she doesn't have AD, I would take my Dad being an ass any day over AD. At least you can tell an AH to go F* himself, LOL By the way, I'm glad to hear your back is better after the ice/heat inversion table Jen, sorry FP disappointed you once again and lived through the bread ordeal. RIP, thanks for checking in, it's always a pleasure to see your posts. Like you, I to am disappointed in how the wisdom of age lacks clout. I went through a similar experience as you and Barb after my FIL passed. It took me quite awhile to recover from taking care of both my MIL then FIL and just about the time I was getting back to normal I got Dad...go figure! Kim BOOboo I'm thinking about you. I bet when your remodeling is done you will be the one to move out to the Apartment! Can I come move in with you? LOL I could bring my Boston Horde and fit right in with all your critters! Now that would be amusing. Linda, yesterday when I read your post about when your Pa said "you could come lay down next to me" it really touched my heart (okay lets just assume it was innocent) however with AD I certainly understand your caution! When I was a little girl I used to lay on the couch and cuddle with my Dad while watching TV or we would lay down on the floor in front of the stereo and listen to music together. Those are memories I cherish, then I hit puberty and everything changed. Well, enough reminiscing. Everyone have a GOOD day. XXXOOO
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Hope you all are doing well tonight. Mama finally came out of her room today and is acting fine. Social worker came to see us and is going to try to get me a 5 day respite in Nov.
My brother in VA sent me $600 today and said to put mom in day care or whatever I needed. Bless his heart. He wishes he could do more to help, but that is just a blessing. He really cares and I feel so fortunate to have him.
Gotta take mom to get staple out tomorrow. The social worker got us an appt with the hospice Dr. Should go ok.
Linda, how did your tests turn out? How's your daughter? And Pa?
I wrote a long post today and hit submit and zap it was gone into cyber space. What's up with that? I have a love hate relationship with this website.
Christina, those who really need to be forgiven usually never ask for it and don't care if it's given or not. Forgiveness is something we need to do for our own peace of mind. Holding a grudge is like holding acid. It only hurts the grudge holder. That being said, It's been very hard for me to let go of a hurt that goes to the bone. Even when I think I have forgiven, it often comes back to haunt me from time to time and I wonder did I really forgive? I guess we just have to keep trying every day and hope for the best.
More later, gotta put mama to bed.
A wiener dog? I don't know that much about dogs. Maybe Rip will answer, or Kuli:)
Christina, Here's my take on forgiveness/reconciliation. If I am willing to hold out the olive branch and forgive or ask for forgiveness and it is received and I am forgiven then the relationship is blessed. If it is not accepted and I am not forgiven then I am still blessed for doing my part and the pain of the situation can be released from me because I tried, I am then blessed because it's a burden I no longer share and it holds no power over me. Now as far as the others go, well we can only control what we choose to do, can we forgive them when they are the ones who wronged us? we don't have to, we can refuse because we are in the right and they are in the wrong but then the pain of what they did is always buried deep inside us. If we choose to forgive (not condone) we can let the pain of what they did go in the sense that we no longer have to let it matter to us and let it continue to hurt us..thus we benefit. Anyway, you asked and that's what I believe.
Now I'm wondering what breed of dog would carry the name Sex best? LOL
I understand very well your wish of putting things straight, but if the other people don't want to cooperate, I am afraid there is not much you can do.... It is very good that you keep trying. (It's you who posted the story of the stone and PUSH!) But don't feel disappointed if you face people who like to live their life in numbness.... It's easier for them.
LOL (lots of love)
Just kidding. Not really. If I'm right about something--facts, principles, whatever--I want it to be acknowledged. That is my hang up, I know, and I'm sorry. Comes from years of fighting my invisibility. Before I die, I promise I will give it up:D
"Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Spot. I made the mistake of calling mine "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing for me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too!" Then I said, "But this is for a dog." He said, "I don't care what she looks like." Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. Not wanting the dog to bother us, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me, too."
One day I entered Sex in a dog show. Before the competition began, another contestant asked me what I was doing. I told him I planned to have Sex in the show. He said I should have sold my own tickets. When I asked if the show was televised, he called me a pervert.
I left my dog at the Veterinarian one day; when I went back to pick him up, I said, "I've come for my dog." She asked, "Which one? Spot or Rover?" I said, "What about Sex?" she slapped me. After I straightened out the misunderstanding, I asked if Sex was good for her. She slapped me again.
Sex ran away one afternoon. I went to the dog pound. As I was looking in all the cages the operator came up to me. I said I was looking for Sex. He said I was looking in all the wrong places.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." He asked, What's your point? So did I." I said, "But my wife wants to take Sex away." He said, "That's what happens in a divorce."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking for him all over town. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said I was looking for Sex.
My case comes up Friday.'
(I almost pee in my pants every time I read this. It cracks me up. I hope you all enjoyed it. OK--I'm done now:)
Love and Hugs, Christina xoxoxoxo
And then there is another cathegory of people to whom I don't even try to speak anymore: people who don't want to talk and don't want to listen (my brother for example; most of my relatives). I have no time nor energy to waste in battles which are already lost. (I tried in the past and I was always defeated)
The poem about death was beautiful.
"Dear Ann: I have suddenly become aware that the years are flying by. Time somehow seems more precious.
My parents suddenly seem old. My aunts and uncles are sick, and I fear they don't have many years left. I haven't seen some of my cousins for several years. I really love my family, Ann, but we have grown apart.
I am also thinking of my friends, some I've known since childhood. Those friendships become more precious as the years pass.
Nothing warms the heart like sharing a laugh with someone you've know for a long time.
Then my thoughts turn to the dark side. I remember the feelings I've hurt, and I recall my own hurt feelings--the misunderstandings and unmended fences that separated us and set up barriers.
I have a close friend in New York I haven't spoken to in three years. Another 28-year old relationship in Seattle is on the rocks. We're both 41 now, and time is marching on.
I think of my Mother and her sister who haven't spoken to each other in five years. As a result of that argument, my cousin and I haven't spoken either. I don't know if she has children. Neither of us has met the other's husband.
What a waste of precious time. I'm sure there are millions of people in your reading audience who could tell similar stories.
Wouldn't it be terrific if a special day could be set aside to reach out and make amends? We could call it "Reconciliation Day" Everyone would vow to write a letter or make a phone call and mend a strained or broken relationship.
It could also be the day on which we would all agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend. This day could be the starting place. We could go from there to heal the wounds in our hearts and rejoice in a new beginning."
Signed, Van Nuys
"Dear Van Nuys: What a beautiful idea. In the absence of a national holiday, it would be wonderful if every person who sees your letter picked up the phone and called someone with whom he has had a falling out. Are you game, folks? I'll guarantee some heartwarming results. Go ahead and do it. and please write and tell me about it.
Dear Readers: After printing that column, I heard from thousands of readers who called people with whom they had not spoken to for a long time.
To be able to forgive can be enormously healing. It is the best example of casting bread upon the waters and getting back caviar sandwiches. Do it today."
(I thought this was a good idea. Then, I realized that most of the people that have been hurt on OUR end, are the type that would most likely extend the olive branch.
Those of us who "get it" are still suffering, and the people who need to do the forgiving are not budging!!! Maybe not in all cases, but I'm thinking of Diane, SS, Miz, and all the other caregivers whose siblings are always making US the bad guys. Am I wrong in my interpretation? Can I get some feedback? My thought is if those who are doing all the work reach out to the people who have been assholes, then it looks like we need them and then they get away with all the crappy things they have done, and all the HELP they have NOT GIVEN!
Hey, I'm taking the risk here of looking like an idiot, but I don't care. Is there an answer that will serve "us" as well as "them"?
Thinking of all of you, and all you do for others. Love, Christina
ps; now for the sex thing. heehee
Death is ugly?
Oh, my children,
No.
If you knew
the beauty
That begins where
Your sight fails,
You would run,
Run, run,
And Leap
with open arms
Into eternity.
But sad
Is a harvest
of green wheat.
And,
So you would
Feverishly
Cling to earth
And finish
Your mortal task,
I merely gave
Death
An ugly mask.
The Cast
I lost the starring part in Our Town
To Linda, a girl not half as good as me,
Who kept her eyes down for the whole tryout, and even stuttered.
When the cast was posted
and the high school drama coach saw me reading it through my tears
He put his arm around me and said,
"Now look--things are not always as they appear.
This is not Broadway. It's an educational institution.
We're here for two reasons--to put on a show,
and, more important, to help people grow.
Someday you'll see."
So Linda played Emily, and she didn't even stutter.
And I was Third Woman at the Wedding.
Watching and wondering how he knew
What she could really do if she had the chance.
Since then I have guessed that God
Being a whole lot smarter
than my high school drama coach
Might be offstage sometimes
With an arm around a questioning cast.
"Now, don't try to outguess me.
Sometimes the first shall be last
And the last shall be first, and I've got My own reasons.
I need some strong ones to star
And some strong ones to stand back.
I'm going to put out front some you might not choose,
But you'll see what they can really do
When they have the chance.
Mortality is an educational institution.
We've got to put on the show, and too, we've got to help people grow."
As I watch through the scenes,
Watch the costumes move,
And listen to the lines
Of the powerful, the weak,
The rich, the poor,
I look at the leads with less awe than most,
And look at the spear-carriers with more.
OK. I will play Cuz and post some other things I found. Not as funny as his stuff, but maybe will hit a nerve. Maybe I will Google the sex thing and if it's there, I will post it later. Hope everyone is dressed (ahem) and having a good day. So far, I have been a good girl. But it is barely past noon. Hugs
daughter came out ok , dr took half of her ovary out , never heard of that before but she did it . so hopefuly she do good with one and half ovaries , she came home and went straight to bed ,
soon i ll be zoomin to town to get her drugs doc prescribe and sprite for her to drink and burp all the gasses out .
annt- i know what ure sayin those ramps for cars to go up so repairman can get under it . great idea i think that shall work . wont hurt to try em out . sounds like ur moms begin so stubborn . well if she falls she can goto rehab and give u time to heal . all up to her . ask her that . oh heres ur walker mom and if she blah blah just say ok u fall u going to rehab . lalala . cant argue with old folks they ve been around for a longtime and theyre always right lol . big hugs xoxo .
ok need to zoom around some . pa s happy to see me back home and he s all smiles to know his grandbaby s going to be alright ,
love ya all and meow at ya later .
p.s. i had pblms last night on puter i think facebooks all fked up . made this puter frozed up too many damn time i had to shut er down . screw em ! . xoxox
So I MADE myself get off ancestry and down to Moms old room. Rehung the screens after husband painted. Put the curtains back up - I HATE hanging curtains. Gathered the box with Mom's "babies" especially Molly, and couldn't resist smelling her before they all went into the washer. Molly smelled of Mom - but of Mom as she lay dying. Clean - yet not. Its hard to explain.
I believescent memories are among our strongest. From time to time I will detect the same scent that was in a small pink bottle of cologne my Dad sent me from Korea when I was very young. Takes me right back to my dresser and that bottle.Oh, dad also sent me a child's Korean 'costume' kind of like what the Geisha wore. It was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. Mom let me look at it but I was not allowed to touch it - much less wear it. She said it had germs, and she took it out to trash can. That was my Mom.
Ooops - that wasn't the least but humorous let me see . . .
A trial is taking place in Mississippi. The defendant is a sweet grandmotherly type.
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: What happened?
Little Old Woman: That's when he yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!
OK - now that was funny.
OK--I know where it is. BBL
Thank you for your comment about weight. Cricket. I'll take the advice. too, every day I wake up, put on my walking/workout clothes and eat a healthy hi protein low carb breakfast and get my huge bottle of water. Somewhere within the day my overly sensitive psyche gets hurt, worried, or discouraged and I eat for comfort. I should have mastered it by now, but I haven't. Many distractions and disappointments, and the metabolism. But, I will try again today. Sigh.
Qaddafi gone bye-bye. Maybe that was the next shoe I was feeling. Good enuf.
Now that I am not immersed round the clock with Mother and her behaviors, it is easier to see the personality traits mixed with dementia. The burned out wires in her brain-- or whatever the dynamic is that causes random outbursts and particular details to present--seem to point to attempts at survival, hanging onto ownership of certain ingrained habits. It's pretty remarkable, after practically having to drag Mother from the damned recliner in the care home to get her in the wheelchair so I can take her to her room to visit and play music, away from the annoying stares of caregivers and other guests; to hear her strong will coming through in her voice that she is so happy I am there, that I am a blessing to her, shows the strength that got her to 94 and other than dementia now effecting her motor skills, a strong body. Her appetite is still good, she enjoys chocolate and her music, and getting out, if I can physically get her there. When the will starts to weaken, then that will be a different day. Maybe it never will. I can be amused at her orneryness now, but I wasn't when she was here. I think we know the difference between personality and how dementia is changing the personality. The frustration is the proximity-- as hand on care givers, there is not much objectiveness. We become part of the dynamic. Hard to put into words. You know what I mean. I better go get my coffee and relax. Haha see you all later. Love you all. Hugs, Christina xo
I am thinking that you would be a wonderful sight to many employers, a woman with your knowledge, experience, and the part about taking years off from the work place to care for your elderly Mother just shows you have loyalty, dedication, know how to set your priorities and plain old stick-to-it-ness. Don't cut yourself short!!
As to being overweight, who isn't these days? You are still the same person you used to be when you were at your right weight, you just put on a comfort blanket to protect you from all the pain and hardship of the last few years, you are respectable and loveable just the way you are...so no more beating yourself up about it. Just love yourself and as your wounds heal you will naturally make better diet and exercise choices and the weight will come off. Thin or heavy it only changes on a physical level, you are still you the person on the inside where it counts most. XXOO
I'm off to do errands and get groceries now. tty'all later. :))
Mom does the same thing to me. Alot of times you know in the afternoon she keeps saying i want to go home i want to go home....when i try to calm her down after walking around and around in circles in the living room she will tell me to sit down and to stop telling her what to do because "This is MY house and i can do what i want and when i want." LOL and i think ok now maybe you will sit down. LOL Huggs for you as you get out in the work force. I haven't had a job since 2003, except for working about 3 hours at claires doing inventory. wow...i made like $30 and actually paid in about $2.00 taxes i think. Anyone who can care for an elderly alzheimers at home 24/7 should be able to get a job, you would think. It is you know a little harder than flipping burgers.
Goodluck to you!! Time for me to lay back down. Mom is out snoring again. Sleep when ya can.
myra
Husband off for the job interview - actually he is stuck in traffic rying to get out of town for the job interview.
I was up til 2am adding the headstone pics I took at the old country cemetery to ancestry. I was thrilled (I am a real history nerd) to be able to add the headstone photos of MY family ancestors to the family tree I've been working on/off for many years. Makes me think someone somewhere is smiling to know that they re remembered.
All this talk about depression and I thought I was Ok but then yesterday I never got dressed or even brushed my hair AND I took a nap in the afternoon. I think more than depression though its a lack of motivation. Mom's gone - I'm free! So wouldn't it be nice to get a job? I look at the jobs on craigslist and my local paper and there are some there I know I could do with my eyes closed in accounting, bookkeeping, office management, etc - but i also know they are not looking for a soon to be 56 year old overweight woman who has been out of the workforce since 2008! About the only thing I could likely get a job doing would be caring for someone else's mom or dad - and I don't even want to think about that. OK - thats my pity party forthe morning . . .
---
I have begun my christmas shopping - you heard me right - my budget is about $100 this year and if i start now I can shop carefully. I bought two wonderful books for my toddler grandson (the animal pictures MOVE like on an LED screen) at the Smithsonian last week, and I have renewed Bianca's subscript to Oprah and jess's to Writer's Digest. So all I have left is husband (who will be happy with a beer cozy) and youngest daughter and SIL's - one of which gets a renewal to Rolling Stone. They know our financial situation and I have accepted it so I need not stress about what I will get for whom.
---
Eldest Daughter Bianca went to Moms grave on Monday (1 mo) where they had the date of death scroll done - it was very very hard for her. I guess since I am alaone here today i should go down and put away the last of the blankets, pillows, etc that still sit awaiting disposition in Moms old room. Also Ms Molly - Moms doll, who needs some washing machine time and then a place on the bookshelf perhaps next to a pic of Mom? That sounds nice. I should get one of those talking picture frames and have it yell "This is MY HOUSE!" in Momma's southern drawl whenever you touch it.
Have a good day all. Love you guys.
Cricket, Christina, Diane, Jen, Mary, kiss to all of you. I know it is a bad period (a particularly bad period) for everyone.
I went to sleep last night at midnight and woke up at 3am, stayed in bed til 5:45 trying to get back to sleep.. nada! so I just decided to get up for the day. Not the best way to start the day but it is what it is. LOL
Christina, When I had the flu shot last year it made me get sick to. This year I decided to just skip it. Oh course I made sure Dad had his because of his COPD.
Miz, I'll trade places with you for a month, If we're lucky the temp will drop down below 80 this week. I love the cooler climate. I even like the cold winters for about 2 months but then I'm ready to head south too!
Ann, has your Mom been diagnosed with AD? If so, It makes me wonder why the nurse told you your Mom's actions were not AD but rather stubbornness. I'm just curious. AD is so subtle that for me it was hard to recognize at first and I was thinking it was just because Dad was being an asshole, lol It helped me tremendously to understand and cope once I knew it was the disease. I hope for you and your Mom's sake that she doesn't have AD, I would take my Dad being an ass any day over AD. At least you can tell an AH to go F* himself, LOL By the way, I'm glad to hear your back is better after the ice/heat inversion table
Jen, sorry FP disappointed you once again and lived through the bread ordeal.
RIP, thanks for checking in, it's always a pleasure to see your posts. Like you, I to am disappointed in how the wisdom of age lacks clout. I went through a similar experience as you and Barb after my FIL passed. It took me quite awhile to recover from taking care of both my MIL then FIL and just about the time I was getting back to normal I got Dad...go figure!
Kim BOOboo I'm thinking about you. I bet when your remodeling is done you will be the one to move out to the Apartment! Can I come move in with you? LOL I could bring my Boston Horde and fit right in with all your critters! Now that would be amusing.
Linda, yesterday when I read your post about when your Pa said "you could come lay down next to me" it really touched my heart (okay lets just assume it was innocent) however with AD I certainly understand your caution! When I was a little girl I used to lay on the couch and cuddle with my Dad while watching TV or we would lay down on the floor in front of the stereo and listen to music together. Those are memories I cherish, then I hit puberty and everything changed. Well, enough reminiscing. Everyone have a GOOD day. XXXOOO