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Hi girls, I am with you all tonight. Something planetary must be causing this depression everyone is feeling. It's a heavy silent waiting for the other shoe to drop kind of feeling and very draining. I wish I had a funny story to tell but nothing seems funny:( Guess it's wallow time. Wallow, wallow, wallow. Maybe we need an earthquake to get the adrenalin surging. Then, the aftermath is just more tired depression. Mother is calling out for me constantly at the home. I am going every other day and when I leave, I am a crying mess. Sister Superior should be arriving soon to grace the desert for the winter. She can kiss...never mind. She is in for a big surprise when she sees how Mother has declined. Brother is still doing nothing and doing it well. Well, I am so happy to be a contributor to this group tonight. Ann, Carly Simon's song, "I haven't got time for the pain", runs through my head when I am walking with you. Rip: I know what you mean about phantom caregiving. It's weird. I haven't stopped because my Mother is not in my home, but it's hard to get other things going to rebuild a life. Like a zombie walk. Ok, well obviously I am no help tonight. I think I ate too much candy corn and it effected my blood sugar. Both hubby and I have not felt that good since getting our flu shots last week. Getting paid would help. Let's sleep on it and hope for a better day mañana. Love you girls. signed, (Barrel Of Laughs) Christina xoxo!!!
Diane, Glad you're keeping busy at work. Are you a travel agent? The Demential seminar is a great idea. I was taking a 12 course on mental illness when I had to drop out to take care of mom. It was very interesting.Well worth the time you spend.
Hey Barb, with mama I don't use the bedrails. She uses them as leverage to pull herself up to get out of bed so I dropped them back down and pushed the bed against one wall. The I use my hubbys bathrobe belt tied on the back wall side of the bed and pulled across her midsection and I tie it to the bedrail on the other side. I do a slip tie so I can just pull the end and it comes undone quickly in case of emergency. That is doing a good job of keeping her in bed. It's during the day that is my problem.
Rip is checking in, thinking of everyone. Frustrated with life after death AKA - Care Giving aftermath. Thought maybe age, experience & wisdom might carry some clout - Jokes on me! I'm still silenting caring - for him - now that my father is gone .... simply because he became my life. Tough struggle working one's way back to life after caring completely. Sacrificing ... When I hear / read about my friends caring for AD parents ... I hope for action. There seems no meaning for any disease,, much less one as devastating as Alz.. I hope for help for everyone coping with a parent who no longer recognises them. "Take care everyone ...." Jen says it best.
Still here too only with sinus infection I can't afford. Hope it just goes away...If I have money I will spend it on Monty (pug) he needs stuff more than I do. Same old crap here only colder weather. FP choked on bread at Adult day Health no he didn't die....but I bet the Dilantin is back doing the BS again! Take Care everyone....
I notified someone about the dog next door. They will hopefully check out the situation. He was tied up outside tonight in the cold and wind and rain with a plastic doghouse that probably does not even have a blanket in it. And, of course if he has food out there it is most likely wet. We will see what happens. I just couldn't take it anymore. I love animals and want to see them get the attention and love and caring they deserve.
I just wanted to stop in and let you know I'm still around. I've been reading everyone's posts and recommendations. I may not need them right now, but everything seems to come in phases. I did sign up for a Dementia Symposium on November 3rd sponsored by the Alzhiemers Association. Maybe they will have some good ideas on how to handle mom's behavior in the evening. At least mom is now in bed for the night (hopefully). Keeping very busy at work. Its supposed to be a slow time for me but I have 4 groups leaving this week. One to Cherokee, NC, two from Chester, SC to Columbia, SC and one to Washington, DC.
I hope you all have a restful night and all the aching backs get some time to heal.
RE TV After going through ALL the stations, turns out the golf channel was the most comforting for my Mom. She used to scream when TWC showed fires, and dissney or Nick would drive anyone crazy - and even the channels like Lifetime or hallmark would have violence of some sort that upset her. Also CSpan will put anyone to sleep . . . -- Thanks fo the WalMart glasses review. We have an appointment for Monday. -- Ann - would it help to 'wrap' the bedrail in something thick and soft?
Ya'll try and have a good night. Hubby has an interview in Philadelphia tomorrow and i've decided to just stay here - I hope something comes of it - he;s had THREE intervirews that nothing has come of so far. And i do hope its a telecommute thing because we just moved back here from the Philadelphia area a year ago Halloween. But hey, mateys, any port in a storm, right?
Barb, mom's room has a bathroom so it's just a matter of going thru the door. We also have a potty next to her bed that she will not use. A hallway of maybe 4ft and then my office that I turned into a sitting room for her that she won't use now. When she split her head it was right in her bedroom, hit it on the bedrail. No room is safe for her. Rossella, maybe I'll try the TV. She says no, but if I put it there and turn it on it will be up to her to turn it off. The nurse was here this afternoon. She caught me us just the right moment. I was cooking and mama had come into the kitchen by herself to see what I was doing. I told the nurse how uncooperative mom has been right in front of mom. Then I left the room. The nurse told me a little while later that mom is not suffering from demential on this...it's just stubborness. She had a long talk with mom and mom told her straight out that she was going to continue doing just what she wants to do. We were in the sitting room then and mom came walking thru fast and angry. She told the nurse she was going to live with my brother in VA. Ha! I'd love to hear that conversation. The nurse told me to let her fall if that's what she wants to do. So......I guess I will. I can't fight her anymore. I can't pick her up either so I guess I'll call 911. The nurse is out of ideas and I am too. Oh well. I will have to train myself not to care so much. If she doesn't care enough to let me help her then I can't do all the caring for both of us. I feel oddly relieved. I guess because it's not something I'm expected to prevent.
Miz, so sorry your husband hurt his back. Tell him to do the heat then ice thing. It really helped me. You know with the inversion table, when I first hang, most of the weight is on my left foot, my right foot barely feels the pressure. After about 10 mins. the pressure is even. My left leg pulls up shorter that's why I limp sometimes and after they're even I walk just fine without pain. It just doesn't hold very long. I'm trying it three times a day to see what happens. At least it's not hurting when I'm upside down. Pressure is off that disc. Anyway hope hubby feels better soon. Think I'll watch Harry's Law now. I like that show. Later
Ann, I don't know what to tell you about the bathroom (my mother, luckily, pees happily in her diapers) but I can tell you about the TV. The TV on is okay for my mother by night (low volume of course). She hears that noise of people talking and it's reassuring for her. She sleeps better. Of course you have to be sure that it's something like "hallmark" channel, with love stories and so on. And the light of the screen is reassuring, too.
Well it's cold and rainy and windy here. I hate Fall & Winter. Why again am I not living in the South?? Hubby's back went out today. He was working in the garage trying to set up more storage space in the attic space out there. I gave him a couple Aleve and it's better but it will take awhile until he's back to 100%. Had flashbacks of Mom helping him out to smoke and to pee. He needs her walker. LOL. My back is hurting and I feel like I might be getting sick. I'm gonna go recline and watch some TV. He will probably need something to eat later. Think I'll go take some Ibuprofen. I didn't read the posts. But I will. Love You All. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Nice to see you Pirate. :)
annt - how is your house laid out? Can you move her room or make another room by the bathroom a sitting room? While I HATE THEM, how about a portapotty (your husband could dump every morning :) We had to use one for mom for a while.
We had mom in our master so she would have the bath right there. I'm sorry - I'm trying to think of something that will help.
Thanks guys. Hubby says ramp not gonna work cause it would be too steep and short. I'm thinking maybe those things you drive a car up on to get under it. what do ya think Linda. You know what I mean? Really tacky for the house, but if I have to wheelchair her it might work. Nah.....just turn the chair backwards and bump it down. Lift the front to get it up. Either way its a pain. Back is getting much better. The heat,ice and inversion is working. I also got my prescription for med for inflamation refilled. Got an appointment with the womens clinic at the health dept for a full check up. They said they could hook me up for a mamogram too. Based on income. Ha! What income? So it should be free. My Psychiatrist is free. Most of my meds are $4 so I should be happy with the medical end. Wish I had dental. Got booted out of the School of Dentistry here for cancelling appts. All I had left to get done was the root canal and crown...oh well...I'll do what Linda said and just tell em to pull it. It's so far in the back it's hard to clean anyway. They were going to have to remove some of the gum to even get to it so it was oral surgery, then root canal then crown. Who has time for all that? Dental school is an all day affair. Students working on you and instructors checking what they do. Aaaaaah!!! Heard from Stillstanding.....so sweet of her to send a hug. I love how we all look after each other here. If mama were bedridden a half door would work great, but she's still up and about. Doesn't like to be in her room much. *sigh* Anyway one good thing today. Hubby didn't work cause of the rain and he said he would take over with mom. By noon he was really tired of her getting up and down. Said he can see why my back is out so bad. I've been sitting on my butt with ice and heat on my back and letting him do it. Of course, I still have to go to the bathroom and wipe her after they get there. Takes 5 mins of baby steps. ha! So far today I've had to change her pull ups three times cause she keeps pooping a little in them. She's had 3 bms so far. I just can't leave a poopy pants on her. Even a little bit. So of course I have to get down on my knees and take her shoes off(she won't walk without them) then take her pants off and then her pullups. Then put it all back on. I have to pull myself up from the floor with the grab bar. Y'all know the drill....you've all been there and done that. Got the Tshirt, threw the damn Tshirt in the trash! Oh Linda, she refuses to pee in her pullups. How do you convince someone to wet their pants?ha! Y'all think if I got my hubby to build a big play pen around the sofa where she sits that would work?lol!
root canal gives me night mare . had em done before and it was pointless cuz later that tooth fell apart . so every time i go to dentist i tell em to pull em out . be done and over with , sucks when i get infection cuz i light up ciggy as soon as i getinthe car lol . numb mouth tryin to take a drag . straw slurp my coke , bam infection ! i never learn my lessons . ah well thats why i get another refill on pain pills lol . ok sis s tellin me i need to go to town . sucks , its rainin ! she said maybe not many people are out in it so u can zoom in and zoom out . well ok fine ! maybe i ll take my sweet time shopping ohh lala . hugs to you all !!! xoxox
Annt, I have had two root canals. The first one was back in the '80s and I remember feeling very dizzy after wards. The last one was several years ago and it was not bad at all. I just hate the shots in my mouth. They hurt me so bad except for when my regular dentist does them. He does it so it doesn't hurt much at all. Root canal is scheduled for Nov. 10th. What hurts is the price. I have dental insurance but I don't know what, if any, they will pay. Ah well, as hubby and I say, "That's our life." Hungry now so I'm gonna eat and then go to work in awhile. Going in early today since other girl is off.
annt - im here to cheer u up now . lalala . well u have to be the boss lady . thats what dad calls me , he often says i have to go to bathroom and i tell him its hard on him and hard on me to get him up , i flip him to the side and told him it is ok to poop or pee , i will clean him up and it be alot easier on both of us . works like a charms , of course pa cant get up anymore , doesnt even try . you ll have to be a mother to ur ma . oh hell no ure not !!! stay in bed so we wont get hurt . sometimes i stay in pa s room so he s happy camper to have someone in there with him . gets pretty lonley in bdrm all alone . i sneakout when he s sleeping . sometimes i tell him im going to go lay on the couch and he would say i can move over and u can lay right next to me . i tell him oh thanks pa but ur bed is small for both of us . ill lay on the couch so hollar ifya need anything . i dont want to lay next to him , i would sit at the foot of the bed , im afraid he s not in his right mind and do something i never dream he would do . not wanting to risk it , damages me for good . so we shall be the boss lady ,. :-) . make mom ride in the wheelchair from now on . shes a high risk of fallin and ure a high risk of hurtin more . wheelchair and strap her down . like chrstina said have hubby build a ramp . its easier for them to do it somewhere eles than at home . why is that i never could figure that one out lol . my hubby is not a carpenter , if its wood he burns em but if its motor he will fix it . weird ... ok i ned to get off here ,. cvs keeps callin and i am out of bread . low on milk and bunch other stuff and its freakin rainin here . i dont feel like going anywhere . just a perfect day to snuggle in bed and be lazy but hell cant do that either . always zoom zoom . meow at ya all later . wheres kimmy ? love ya all . xoxo
Ann. Ask your Carpenter husband to build a ramp from the sunroom up the 2 steps so you can wheel Mom. Is that a possibility? I agree with practical solutions to depression. Any physical work that gets the body moving is a cure.
Morning all. The cold rain is bringing a true fall feel here in Maryland today. Annt - your post re your Moms stubborness could have been written by me a few months ago. And its really Ok you lose your temper, speak your mind - LOUDLY- once in a while. There were times when the only way I could make her 'behave' was by scolding her - and then she wouldn't speak to me for the remaninder of the day. Even with food - I would bring it in and she would turn up her nose and I'd say "OK - you don't have to eat it if you don't want it but its 6 hours until you can eat again" and then I'd come back with it in another 1/2 hr and she would be sweet as sugar. I even threatened her with a nursing home from time to time. I'm not proud of it - but any of us can say and do things when we are hurt, or scared, or angry, or just so boned-tired we wonder if we will ever feel better.
Mom too would do the bathroom walks for no reason - back and forth back a dozen or more times a day. Sometimes without her walker. I reached a point where I just let her go and hoped for the best. You can not watch anyone 24/7. No one can do that.
One thing that worked for us when Mom was still mobile - and upstairs - was making a "Dutch" door to her room. We accomplished this by removing her door, cutting it in the middle, and replacing it - with the lock on the outside. This way i could open and close her door as I wished - always closed when I was on a business call - or check on her without going into her room.
Your situation breaks my heart so much. It is almost exactly the same as mine was a few weeks ago. Now that Mom has passed the burden of caring for her has ended, but without work that pays a living wage, with a house we've owned for 10 yrs that is thousands in negative equity, no health insurance - I don't know where we will be by years end. Somethings got to give.
Good morning ladies and gent, Thanks for the suggestions about mom. I may have to start using the wheelchair again, Kim, but the prob is that there are steps between the sunroom where she likes to sit and look out at the lake and the rest of the house where I have to do the cooking and cleaning etc. I do everything I can in the sunroom. That's where my laptop is(that was one of the first suggestions I got from this thread) and I fold clothes there and do all my paperwork, but the two bathrooms and bedroom and kitchen are up the steps. It's only two steps but pulling a wheelchair up and down is just as painful and walking with her. Right now she can still walk with assistance. I'd like to keep her walking. But the wheelchair days are coming if she keeps this up. You're right Rossella. I will have to restrain her or something while I work. I've just got to figure that one out. And I sent off for a sample of the Nasa diaper. They are great!! They sent me two. I've saved one for a special occaision. When I get the money I will order a case of them for nite time. Right now we're using a pull up and a diaper to keep her from lying in a wet bed. Then sometimes like last night she wakes up (sort of cause she's drugged with a sleeping pill) and thinks she has to go potty. Someone mentioned the glow in the dark stars for the ceiling. I'm going to try that. I'm wondering if a TV in her room just left on quietly would help or would it keep her awake? I have a Teddy Bear in her bed. I've attached the doorbell to the ribbon around his neck so she can't lose it and I have a small flash light attached to his arm so she can see the clock at night. The night lite is not bright enough for her to see. She told me the other day, and I had noticed this myself, that she cuddles the bear. Doesn't that just break your heart? It's sweet, but sad too. Cricket, hope dad does well for you today. I wish we could all say "I hope they get well" but that's not going to happen. Sorry I'm being negative this morning. Need Linda to cheer me up. I believe a bucket of cow manure could fall on her head and she would find a way to make it smell like roses. LOL!! Yes...Linda, I'm talking about you in front of your back...ha!! Miz! A root canal!!OMG my worst nightmare. I know I've got it coming and I dread it. Let me know how it went for you.
Austin, what you said about a mother raising 4 kids and yet 4 grown kids can't take care of 1 mother is so profound. I think that will be my fb status today. That is one of the truest statements I've read in a long time and just pitiful because of it's trueness. Have a good mornig y'all. TTYL
Dentist this morning. Ugh!! I gotta finally get my root canal and crown. This morning is a check up and then I'll make the appt. for the root canal and crown. Couldn't get it sooner cause no money. I hope waiting didn't make it worse. Have a tolerable day, Everyone. Love Yous!!
I have been reading the post-you guys are so good giving pointers to each other-that is so great-Linda your sis is right just put the sample in your fridge until it is time to take to the lab. My Mom now has an infection in her leg she hurt while on vacation-it was looking good when I changed the dressing the last day we were away. From reading your posts over the years I know my brothers will not step up to the plate and there is no sense getting all upset and bothered about it-she mauy have to be placed and they probably will not even care how she feels about it-she thinks they are so great and they never visit and hardly call her and my sister and I get her black moods but I know that is the way it is-a monther can reaise 4 kids but 4 grown kids can not take care of one mother-someone suggested we get together and talk but I know it would get ulgy so why bother-my sister will be busy with a show and if Mom needs to go daily to a hospital for IV.S meds my bil is going to approach my brothers about them helping that is all we can do. I know they both will have excuses but at least from reading your posts I know what to expect. My cat triped me up this morning and I fell and woke up my son and today is such a busy day so have to dust myself off and carry on-hope you all have a better day-we are expecting a big storm again.
By the way I hope that in the situation your husband "wakes up" and tries to do something. By personal experience I can tell you that there is nothing better than practical problems to overcome depression.
Ann, I think your mother doesn' realize (or doesn't remember) you are in pain, so every time she will like going to the bathroom or elsewhere, she will call you, or she will try to go by herself, but she will not stop to think "I can't do it because my daughter is in pain". You can't count on her cooperation anymore. My mother is the same. I hope you find extra-strong diapers (they told me the ones made by NASA are wonderful) and I hope she learns to do everything in the diapers and doesn't ask you to go to the bathroom every 2 minutes. As far as work is concerned, if you need money there is no other solution that take the job and "neutralize" her somehow during the hours that you work. If you will be completely without money you will be forced to put her in a NH anyway. So I think you have to be more "cruel" to her in these circumstances and 1) save your health as much as possible 2) find the time to work. I know you are a very kind soul, but sometimes the practical problems have to come first and when you need, you have to be able to say "no" to your mother. Take care
Ann. Does your Mom have a wheelchair? If she does, they have soft poseys online at reasonable prices. Maybe if she was in a chair and with a posey on, she could still see you and if she attempts to get up, she can't. At least you could move her around different places in the house. It is do so hard! The posey I saw online was twenty-two bucks. It looked comfy and strong. I feel your frustration and pain! Dad refused shower today! I lose my patience with him too! Doc appointment for me on Thursday that was the earliest they could get me in there! I know I have a sinus infection. Still no results for Dad's tests! Probably receive them by Carrier pigeon! Much love and many hugs to you, Kim
Someone mentioned needing eye glasses. There are online sites where you can get really good deals if you already have the prescription. A friend of mine goes to Zenni optical.com the glasses look real good. frames are much much cheaper. But you do have to go have an exam and get the prescription so you can send it to the online people. If it's straight bifocal they can do that but the progressive wouldn't work cause they don't fit the glasses to you face. Just an option tho.
Good evening everyone. It's 10:45 here. I feel guilty tonight. I talked kinda rough to mama today. She keeps trying to get up and walk on her own when I'm not in the room. I've caught her twice today getting up from sofa as I walked into the den. I asked her where you going? She got an attitude and said "that way!" I asked her if she was trying to get put in a nursing home cause that's what's going to happen if she keeps falling and she said "well I guess so". So a little while ago she called me into her room and wanted to go to the bathroom. I had her restrained as I usually do, but she had been trying to get it loose and couldn't. If she had managed it she would have fallen again. I was and still am in a lot of pain, but I had to take her to potty(she didn't pee, nothing), then change her pull ups(they were wet and had poop in them) and add an extra diaper and pick her up and put her back to bed. I was hurting so bad I could not keep it to myself. She said this is hurting you isn't it? I'm like yeah mom it is! I'm hurting as bad as you are. And every time you fall you make it worse for me cause you get weaker. I don't know if she is being stubborn or her mind is just too gone to try to help me out by letting me help her walk. I'm so frustrated. I don't know how much longer I can do this. My husband was home today and he watched her while I tried to take care of some of her business on the phone in the other room. She had to go to the bathroom 4 times while I was doing that. I had to put the phone down and go in with her so I can wipe her. She only peed once of those times. She just wanted to see what I was doing and where I was. I need to take that call center job, but I can't keep her down long enough to work. What do I do? Do I refuse to let her get up every few minutes? Do I tie her to the sofa so I can work and make the money we need to keep the house running? I can't afford day care. We're sinking fast! I lost my life insurance. It lasped. I've cut all the corners I can cut.My husband is not flexible. All he can do is carpentry and the economy is making that very difficult. His depression is also making it very difficult. I'm at the end of my rope. This may just be the pain talking....but I can't see me going on like this much longer. That's my vent for tonight. Sorry it is all about me. You all know I love you and think of you every day. I'll talk to you all later. Ann
HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' 4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
First, I was dying to finish high school and start college And then I was dying to finish college and start working Then I was dying to marry and have children And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough So I could go back to work But then I was dying to retire And so now I am dying... And suddenly I realized I forgot to live
Please don't let this happen to you Appreciate your current situation And enjoy each day
...old friend
To make money we lose our health, and then to restore our health we lose our money... We live as if we are going to die, and we die as if we never lived...
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I am with you all tonight. Something planetary must be causing this depression everyone is feeling. It's a heavy silent waiting for the other shoe to drop kind of feeling and very draining. I wish I had a funny story to tell but nothing seems funny:( Guess it's wallow time. Wallow, wallow, wallow. Maybe we need an earthquake to get the adrenalin surging. Then, the aftermath is just more tired depression. Mother is calling out for me constantly at the home. I am going every other day and when I leave, I am a crying mess. Sister Superior should be arriving soon to grace the desert for the winter. She can kiss...never mind. She is in for a big surprise when she sees how Mother has declined. Brother is still doing nothing and doing it well. Well, I am so happy to be a contributor to this group tonight. Ann, Carly Simon's song, "I haven't got time for the pain", runs through my head when I am walking with you. Rip: I know what you mean about phantom caregiving. It's weird. I haven't stopped because my Mother is not in my home, but it's hard to get other things going to rebuild a life. Like a zombie walk.
Ok, well obviously I am no help tonight. I think I ate too much candy corn and it effected my blood sugar. Both hubby and I have not felt that good since getting our flu shots last week. Getting paid would help. Let's sleep on it and hope for a better day mañana. Love you girls. signed, (Barrel Of Laughs) Christina xoxo!!!
Frustrated with life after death AKA - Care Giving aftermath.
Thought maybe age, experience & wisdom might carry some clout -
Jokes on me!
I'm still silenting caring - for him - now that my father is gone ....
simply because he became my life.
Tough struggle working one's way back to life after caring completely. Sacrificing ...
When I hear / read about my friends caring for AD parents ... I hope for action. There seems no meaning for any disease,, much less one as devastating as Alz..
I hope for help for everyone coping with a parent who no longer recognises them.
"Take care everyone ...."
Jen says it best.
love,
miz
I hope you all have a restful night and all the aching backs get some time to heal.
Love ya,
Diane
--
Thanks fo the WalMart glasses review. We have an appointment for Monday.
--
Ann - would it help to 'wrap' the bedrail in something thick and soft?
Ya'll try and have a good night. Hubby has an interview in Philadelphia tomorrow and i've decided to just stay here - I hope something comes of it - he;s had THREE intervirews that nothing has come of so far. And i do hope its a telecommute thing because we just moved back here from the Philadelphia area a year ago Halloween. But hey, mateys, any port in a storm, right?
Rossella, maybe I'll try the TV. She says no, but if I put it there and turn it on it will be up to her to turn it off.
The nurse was here this afternoon. She caught me us just the right moment. I was cooking and mama had come into the kitchen by herself to see what I was doing. I told the nurse how uncooperative mom has been right in front of mom. Then I left the room. The nurse told me a little while later that mom is not suffering from demential on this...it's just stubborness. She had a long talk with mom and mom told her straight out that she was going to continue doing just what she wants to do. We were in the sitting room then and mom came walking thru fast and angry. She told the nurse she was going to live with my brother in VA. Ha! I'd love to hear that conversation. The nurse told me to let her fall if that's what she wants to do. So......I guess I will. I can't fight her anymore. I can't pick her up either so I guess I'll call 911. The nurse is out of ideas and I am too. Oh well. I will have to train myself not to care so much. If she doesn't care enough to let me help her then I can't do all the caring for both of us. I feel oddly relieved. I guess because it's not something I'm expected to prevent.
Miz, so sorry your husband hurt his back. Tell him to do the heat then ice thing. It really helped me. You know with the inversion table, when I first hang, most of the weight is on my left foot, my right foot barely feels the pressure. After about 10 mins. the pressure is even. My left leg pulls up shorter that's why I limp sometimes and after they're even I walk just fine without pain. It just doesn't hold very long. I'm trying it three times a day to see what happens. At least it's not hurting when I'm upside down. Pressure is off that disc. Anyway hope hubby feels better soon.
Think I'll watch Harry's Law now. I like that show.
Later
love,
miz
We had mom in our master so she would have the bath right there. I'm sorry - I'm trying to think of something that will help.
Back is getting much better. The heat,ice and inversion is working. I also got my prescription for med for inflamation refilled.
Got an appointment with the womens clinic at the health dept for a full check up. They said they could hook me up for a mamogram too. Based on income. Ha! What income? So it should be free. My Psychiatrist is free. Most of my meds are $4 so I should be happy with the medical end. Wish I had dental. Got booted out of the School of Dentistry here for cancelling appts. All I had left to get done was the root canal and crown...oh well...I'll do what Linda said and just tell em to pull it. It's so far in the back it's hard to clean anyway. They were going to have to remove some of the gum to even get to it so it was oral surgery, then root canal then crown. Who has time for all that? Dental school is an all day affair. Students working on you and instructors checking what they do. Aaaaaah!!!
Heard from Stillstanding.....so sweet of her to send a hug. I love how we all look after each other here.
If mama were bedridden a half door would work great, but she's still up and about. Doesn't like to be in her room much. *sigh*
Anyway one good thing today. Hubby didn't work cause of the rain and he said he would take over with mom. By noon he was really tired of her getting up and down. Said he can see why my back is out so bad. I've been sitting on my butt with ice and heat on my back and letting him do it. Of course, I still have to go to the bathroom and wipe her after they get there. Takes 5 mins of baby steps. ha! So far today I've had to change her pull ups three times cause she keeps pooping a little in them. She's had 3 bms so far. I just can't leave a poopy pants on her. Even a little bit. So of course I have to get down on my knees and take her shoes off(she won't walk without them) then take her pants off and then her pullups. Then put it all back on. I have to pull myself up from the floor with the grab bar. Y'all know the drill....you've all been there and done that. Got the Tshirt, threw the damn Tshirt in the trash!
Oh Linda, she refuses to pee in her pullups. How do you convince someone to wet their pants?ha!
Y'all think if I got my hubby to build a big play pen around the sofa where she sits that would work?lol!
ok sis s tellin me i need to go to town . sucks , its rainin ! she said maybe not many people are out in it so u can zoom in and zoom out . well ok fine ! maybe i ll take my sweet time shopping ohh lala .
hugs to you all !!! xoxox
you ll have to be a mother to ur ma . oh hell no ure not !!! stay in bed so we wont get hurt . sometimes i stay in pa s room so he s happy camper to have someone in there with him . gets pretty lonley in bdrm all alone . i sneakout when he s sleeping . sometimes i tell him im going to go lay on the couch and he would say i can move over and u can lay right next to me . i tell him oh thanks pa but ur bed is small for both of us . ill lay on the couch so hollar ifya need anything . i dont want to lay next to him , i would sit at the foot of the bed , im afraid he s not in his right mind and do something i never dream he would do . not wanting to risk it , damages me for good .
so we shall be the boss lady ,. :-) . make mom ride in the wheelchair from now on . shes a high risk of fallin and ure a high risk of hurtin more . wheelchair and strap her down . like chrstina said have hubby build a ramp . its easier for them to do it somewhere eles than at home . why is that i never could figure that one out lol . my hubby is not a carpenter , if its wood he burns em but if its motor he will fix it . weird ...
ok i ned to get off here ,. cvs keeps callin and i am out of bread . low on milk and bunch other stuff and its freakin rainin here . i dont feel like going anywhere . just a perfect day to snuggle in bed and be lazy but hell cant do that either . always zoom zoom .
meow at ya all later . wheres kimmy ?
love ya all . xoxo
Annt - your post re your Moms stubborness could have been written by me a few months ago. And its really Ok you lose your temper, speak your mind - LOUDLY- once in a while. There were times when the only way I could make her 'behave' was by scolding her - and then she wouldn't speak to me for the remaninder of the day. Even with food - I would bring it in and she would turn up her nose and I'd say "OK - you don't have to eat it if you don't want it but its 6 hours until you can eat again" and then I'd come back with it in another 1/2 hr and she would be sweet as sugar. I even threatened her with a nursing home from time to time. I'm not proud of it - but any of us can say and do things when we are hurt, or scared, or angry, or just so boned-tired we wonder if we will ever feel better.
Mom too would do the bathroom walks for no reason - back and forth back a dozen or more times a day. Sometimes without her walker. I reached a point where I just let her go and hoped for the best. You can not watch anyone 24/7. No one can do that.
One thing that worked for us when Mom was still mobile - and upstairs - was making a "Dutch" door to her room. We accomplished this by removing her door, cutting it in the middle, and replacing it - with the lock on the outside. This way i could open and close her door as I wished - always closed when I was on a business call - or check on her without going into her room.
Your situation breaks my heart so much. It is almost exactly the same as mine was a few weeks ago. Now that Mom has passed the burden of caring for her has ended, but without work that pays a living wage, with a house we've owned for 10 yrs that is thousands in negative equity, no health insurance - I don't know where we will be by years end. Somethings got to give.
Thanks for the suggestions about mom. I may have to start using the wheelchair again, Kim, but the prob is that there are steps between the sunroom where she likes to sit and look out at the lake and the rest of the house where I have to do the cooking and cleaning etc. I do everything I can in the sunroom. That's where my laptop is(that was one of the first suggestions I got from this thread) and I fold clothes there and do all my paperwork, but the two bathrooms and bedroom and kitchen are up the steps. It's only two steps but pulling a wheelchair up and down is just as painful and walking with her. Right now she can still walk with assistance. I'd like to keep her walking. But the wheelchair days are coming if she keeps this up.
You're right Rossella. I will have to restrain her or something while I work. I've just got to figure that one out. And I sent off for a sample of the Nasa diaper. They are great!! They sent me two. I've saved one for a special occaision. When I get the money I will order a case of them for nite time. Right now we're using a pull up and a diaper to keep her from lying in a wet bed. Then sometimes like last night she wakes up (sort of cause she's drugged with a sleeping pill) and thinks she has to go potty.
Someone mentioned the glow in the dark stars for the ceiling. I'm going to try that. I'm wondering if a TV in her room just left on quietly would help or would it keep her awake?
I have a Teddy Bear in her bed. I've attached the doorbell to the ribbon around his neck so she can't lose it and I have a small flash light attached to his arm so she can see the clock at night. The night lite is not bright enough for her to see. She told me the other day, and I had noticed this myself, that she cuddles the bear. Doesn't that just break your heart? It's sweet, but sad too.
Cricket, hope dad does well for you today. I wish we could all say "I hope they get well" but that's not going to happen. Sorry I'm being negative this morning. Need Linda to cheer me up. I believe a bucket of cow manure could fall on her head and she would find a way to make it smell like roses. LOL!! Yes...Linda, I'm talking about you in front of your back...ha!!
Miz! A root canal!!OMG my worst nightmare. I know I've got it coming and I dread it. Let me know how it went for you.
Austin, what you said about a mother raising 4 kids and yet 4 grown kids can't take care of 1 mother is so profound. I think that will be my fb status today. That is one of the truest statements I've read in a long time and just pitiful because of it's trueness.
Have a good mornig y'all.
TTYL
miz
I don't know if she is being stubborn or her mind is just too gone to try to help me out by letting me help her walk. I'm so frustrated. I don't know how much longer I can do this. My husband was home today and he watched her while I tried to take care of some of her business on the phone in the other room. She had to go to the bathroom 4 times while I was doing that. I had to put the phone down and go in with her so I can wipe her. She only peed once of those times. She just wanted to see what I was doing and where I was. I need to take that call center job, but I can't keep her down long enough to work. What do I do? Do I refuse to let her get up every few minutes? Do I tie her to the sofa so I can work and make the money we need to keep the house running? I can't afford day care. We're sinking fast! I lost my life insurance. It lasped. I've cut all the corners I can cut.My husband is not flexible. All he can do is carpentry and the economy is making that very difficult. His depression is also making it very difficult. I'm at the end of my rope. This may just be the pain talking....but I can't see me going on like this much longer. That's my vent for tonight. Sorry it is all about me. You all know I love you and think of you every day. I'll talk to you all later.
Ann
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight, and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us
our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music,
plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a
foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.
Share this with someone.
We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
Worry about nothing, pray about everything!!!
And then I was dying to finish college and start working
Then I was dying to marry and have children
And then I was dying for my children
to grow old enough
So I could go back to work
But then I was dying to retire
And so now I am dying...
And suddenly I realized
I forgot to live
Please don't let this happen to you
Appreciate your current situation
And enjoy each day
...old friend
To make money we lose our health,
and then to restore our health we lose our money...
We live as if we are going to die,
and we die as if we never lived...