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Bobbie: couldn't agree more. None of these pictures reflect the median age of most caregivers which is around 50. Are we now trying to make the sometimes ugly job of caregiving sexy?? I also posted a comment on the AC discussion topic: "At-Home Exercise: Turn Housework Into a Workout" - in other words, let's turn caregiving into a fun workout. Only the "experts" who have been direct caregivers, and know the challenges that come with the job, should be addressing these topics. We need useful information. I can always tell when I read an article by someone who is writing from a looonnng distance and telling us what we "should" be doing...BLECH.... Only when you have walked in our shoes do you realize how isolating, exhausting, and multi-faceted this thankless job is. And why do we do it? It is because it is the humane, decent, and kind thing to do for another human being. But knowing that does not make it easier.
well what are yall talking about the first thing i do in the morning is get up shower pluck my "brows" put on my make up. make sure my eye liner will go with my outfit I have picked out for the day and then get dressed. I wear only the best because you never know in a day what or who you will see or do. I sure dont want to go to the potty to change poop with one little hair out of place or my liner not the right shade. now woulnt that be so stupid. I know people say do it for yourself it will make you feel better. No what would make me feel better is a little less stress and a little more sleep. who cares about the clothes or makeup shoot some days I only get a spot wash. I wash up as far as possible down as far as possible and then i wash possible and thats it!! Have a great day love you all!!
Yep, I think those ads are offensive/stupid also. This is definitely not the site for shit like that. Good grief, AC. Please don't buy into the looks and youth are important mentality. I for one feel bad enough about myself as it is. I was surprised to see those topics on here. We come here to feel better. If we wanted that kind of material we would buy a fashion magazine. It's definitely out of place here.
Oh... and I just wanted to make a comment about the 'ads' on the right side of the screen... Make up tips to look younger? 10 minute Ab workout? Belly flattening routine? etc? Thanks for using stock fashion magazine pictures. Not. You guys are clueless if you think that this is making us feel better or these are 'tips' we can use. Not only is it offensive, it's hack. Embarrassingly hack. We appreciate this forum and if we look just above the Add Your Comment box you will notice: Please stay on topic.......
Looking at the midriff of a 20 something and some chickie applying mascara while we write about in the trenches caregiving is somewhat obscene. We understand that you are selling screen space for revenue but there is a lot of stuff out there to solicit as opposed to this tripe.
Rather see ads for escapist entertainment like netflix or any movie rentals and while I am on the subject.. why don't you guys link with bkbooks dot com because of the importance of that subject matter.
Welcome Dollie. you are amongst friends and ya, you can vent and cry right here. Your Dad is ready to be placed for sure because believe it or not the behavior only gets worse. Especially the toilet behavior because it all becomes about the toilet and the pee and the poop and the fact that it gets everywhere and into everything.
Our collective hearts go out to you and we have experienced much of the same and some of us are on the other side and healing from caregiving and some are still deep in the trenches. Place him. there are facilities out there that will be able to help and it is not the worst thing in the world for a demented parent or spouse to be placed. The destruction of physical and mental health of the caregiver is a fact and I am only one of a large statistic, being on the other side of caregiving and still trying to recover myself while cleaning out my mom's house.
Use the resources of this site to find a home for your dad so you can start your healing. They are professionals in memory care and the sooner you start the process the quicker your dad can be in a new environment that is designed for memory care with people trained to cope with all of the associated issues. We wish you good luck and will be here for you as you proceed. It takes guts to do but if you listen to your instincts you realize that you have known for a long time that this is the only way you are going to move forward and live through this.
Barb! glad to see that your body is responding to the reduction in stress. I went through the same thing! My BP was so high and it went down just weeks after mom passed. We all feel better when we understand that it is their time to go and our time to remain. It is the law of nature. We can't keep them alive forever and what is the point when they are suffering so? Thanks Barb for the offer and don't think I am not joyous! I know that I am not that far from you because we used to have friends in your town. Rip has my email and maybe she will hook the both of us up. You are by no means committed to coming to my crazy house but it would be nice to have each other's emails.
Linda! you are only feeling the stress both physically and mentally of being a full time caregiver. I know how much you love your Pa and you are a true angel on earth. Hope you get to take that road trip and your ankles don't swell up while you're driving!
Cuz! I laughed out loud all the way through that one! You are one sick so and so and it's not that much of a stretch to understand that we are related.
Flex! I understood that post entirely and am impressed that you were able to find MinuteMan launch codes from the 70s!
I have to admit that I am somewhat stuck today in this pile of stuff and can't seem to move forward. Having a time of it and the sell date is approaching rapidly. I have the scrap guy coming over in a few hours and he is the one who helped me clear out the big building (with a large crew) and I think he understands that I am just overwhelmed and doing what I can.
I have to toss stuff and what I have to toss is hard core. Things like the guest books from my parents funerals.... Where the hay am I going to keep that stuff on a boat and there isn't anyone else who wants them and I don't know any of those people anyway because of the 30 year period of insanity where I wasn't welcome here until it was to do the hard job of cleaning it all up and being the caregiver to my mom. So needless to say, this is a bitch and I am doing the best that I can which is not very good at all. I move it forward a little every day but not fast enough in the grand scheme of things. oh well.... I will get it done. I met all of the other deadlines imposed on me and I will meet this one and then go back to my boat and sleep like a box of rocks and try not to feel as stupid as a bag of hammers.
For all of you guys fighting the black hole, please keep venting. Vent and Live! And Remember to Breathe!
love you guys way more than you'll ever know, lovbob
hello dollie - this is the place where you belong (you must hate that but I couldn't help myself being a fan of musical theater). Welcome!
This site and the people on the grossed out thread helped me keep my sanity in dealing with my demented Mom. Nothing - and I repeat - nothing - your dad has or will do has not been faced by one or another of us at some time in our caregiving.
Many of us have selfish siblings. Some of them - like mine - are just flat out mean. We understand - and may one day form a gang of many to go round the country and overseas to kick their asses! or at least TP their houses - with used, poopy TP of course!
As to your dad's violent outbursts - assaulting and threatening his family - unless he is in a 'contained' situation wherein he can not seriously injure you or himself (as my Mom was confined to one room and withoutr access to things that could be used as weapons) you have a very serious problem that needs to be addressed immediately.
Mom hit me more than once - and she packed a powerful punch - just two weeks before she died it took 3 of us to restrain her to keep her from kneeing the nurse in the face - and she was 89 on her back in bed!
--What is his diagnosis? Is he taking meds? Are you in US? Is he is a veteran? With more info we can be of more help.
I know it's time to put Dad in a nursing home,but am not sure that we can afford it.I have been his caregiver for 5yrs.Absolutely no help from any of my siblings.Dad has gotten combattive.He hit my sister across her shoulder with his grabber,and the next day pulled a steak knife on her.He wears depends,but he goes to the bathroom and pulls the stuffing out and throws it in the toilet or around it.He pulls the toilet paper off of the roll so he can use the roll to guild his urain into the toilet.Never successfully.My sister and I mop the bathroom floor at least 6 times a day.I have to literally bodily put him in the shower.I'm 56 and have health issues of my own.Last week I took him to his Great Granddaughters 7th birthday party,and sure enough,he went to the bathroom and urinated all over the seat and the floor and down the front of his pants.Needless to say I was totally embarrashed.I cleaned her bathroom and took him home.I have had to put deadbolt locks on all of the exterior doors.Locks on the fridge and freeze.And put a gate with a lock on the kitchen door.This is only a few of the things I have to deal with.I could really gross you all out,but,I'll keep it to myself for now,lol.Thanks for letting me vent.
DO you fart in bed? IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING...... SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL . SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT . THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.. SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED. BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN
linda - I hope it is nothing serious. I hope you get to feeling better. I do know that drinking a sufficent amount of water each day helps with everything from headaches to muscle cramps, and I take a multi-vitamin and D-3 supplements every day as I can tell the difference when I don't.
Linda, are you going through menopause? Doc told me my muscle and joint pain was probably due to menopause.......Ugh I just wish it would go ahead and pause! Good luck with blood tests tomorrow!
Sweet dreams all! Helping Hannah with her math! Love you all! Kim
hi jsomebody ! good to see u . just a quickie here . went to dr had pap and cked my pee and its clear , no uti , going for blood work in the morning , i have to fasting , when doc came in she ask me how r u feeling , i tld her its worst ! i just hurt all over waaaa . she said when women gets older and all the wear and tear on thier body causes alot of flamitorty on ur body . she prescribe me some antiflamitorty meds and a mild antidepression , wants to see me in 2 weeks to see if it is helpin me any , in few weeks i ll go and have mamorgram and bone desinsty test , one thing at a time . a lady i talked to she said she has fibomai how ya spell that , she said the way i describe my pain she honeslty think that is what i have . cuz that is what she has . one day at a time ,,,, msm - i surte hope u get that death certi straighten out , thought it was funeral or hospital s job to give u plenty of copies ? now what the hell ! yep i honestly believe stress makes us swell up and ache like hell . plus u did alot of driving it would causes u to swell up too , i remmy i drive 18 hrs straight non stop when i finaly arrived home i couldnt get out of the car . both my ankles were swelled up so damn bad , when i got in the house i started my period and man i cramp like hell . . it was hurtin bad to get out to get gas and go pee , couldnt wait to get home and wheni did my body just went limp and hubby had to help me walk in the house . make sure u stop at the rest area plenty time to strech out and walk hahaha . i learned that quick but hell iwanna get home waaaaa . ok goodnight you all and wove ya bunchies ,,, xoxox
Evening all. We took daughter out for Lido Pizza - it still seems so odd to leave the house altogether without omeone there for Mom. I still have not heard word from anyone re Moms deth certifcate - tomorrow I will call Maryland Vital Records and rive up ther and fetch it if they have it. Why don't people call back??? Infuriating!
Also still have not heard anything from my brothers - today I scanned in photos of all of them - old recently discovered ones - and would like to send them the originals but know it would be misconstrued as a bribe of some sort so I will hold onto them for a while.
I wanted to share a couple of health things. My heart had been pounding, racing routinely the last 6 months or so - and has not done so since Mom passed. Also, my feet were so swollen they looked like Petunia Pig - a friend of Biancas at Moms funeral even pulled me aside and commented on it. I couldn't zip my boots. The swelling is gone now. My boots zipped right up and my feet have returned to their normal size. My stress is way down I guess, and my body is responding favorably. On the other hand my tinnitus has never been as loud - ever- as it's been the last few days - So - take the good with the bad right? Love you guys.
Hi all, yes kim i took dad out in the wheelchair yesterday and put punkin on her leash and handed it to him so he could walk her.. that lasted about 5 minutes then i had to put her up on his lap cause he kept dropping the leash. We walked for about 20-30 minutes so i got a workout that i needed also. Linda I'm sorry your still sick!! you gotta let us know what the doc says. I'm kinda outta it myself right now so i will write more later. love you all xxxxxooooo
good morning ! great to hear from you bobbie . am glad u have a dearfriend in atlanta that is going to help you out in any way he can . it is no picnic to do things on ur own , not when u have tons of stuff . yes i remmy u had a heatstroke an djumped in the pool with a phone in ur pocket . yep i sure remmy that . hopefuly all that will be done and over soon and let you get on with ur life and enjoy ur life . maybe u should keep the house for one more winter and stay warm this winter , park ur boat for the winter , that way u can heal all winter long and do one thing at a time all winter . ? just a thought ... u did say one time that ure not sure if u want to keep the house or sell it . maybe u shall kep it this winter . i dont know my friend you do what you think is best . i wish you the best and hope to see you soon . i need to go soak my smelly ass in the tub and soak in it for a while . ease up my achin muscles and then go see my doc at one . meow at all of u later . kuli- ure not in the black hole are you ? annt ?? kim u sound bubbly happy go girl . wonderful ! big hugs to u , miz- good food and winters comin u ll need ur fat to keep ya warm . i wish i could gain some weigh . seems imlosin it all times . lost my appitize , dont care to eat much anymore . i am sick and something is wrong with me ... hope to find out today ... love u all xoxox
bobbie -OMG I had no idea - being relatively new here - of the magnitude of what you are dealing with. I would come and lend a hand if not off to GA again for probate as soon as I get my hands on Moms death certificate - and no seems to know who has it. If you will message me your number or email, I will call you if I'm not going this week, and drive up to help for a day or two.
Dear Crew, sorry I haven't posted but have my own hole to deal with. Not black hole but Sh!t Hole!! I am somewhat depressed but it is situational depression and I just try to keep my eye on the prize and not let it get me. the only way you can eat an elephant is a bite at a time. House actually very nice but am still working my tail off to sell/donate this stuff.
Went to see a movie last night and am considering an AM 6 buck movie this morning. Can't take being in here hours and hours and days and days.
Wish I could answer everyone individually but i just don't have the juice. There are still so many books and so much furniture to go but it is happening a little at a time. I have a well meaning friend in Atlanta who is going to help me in the near future and last night he was telling me what I 'have' to do, etc etc as far as getting max value and I finally told him that I'll light a match to it all before I get sick again. He didn't understand that I have been cleaning up my mom and dad's mess since Sept of 2004. This has been a continuing problem with the possible only comparison of Hercules and the Stable. I see the hoarders shows on tv and just laugh. gross but a piece of cake. Those that were posting/reading summer of 2010 may remember when I almost died from heat stroke while cleaning out the 13,000sq ft building that had never been cleaned out since it was built 110 years ago. If only this task was as easy as throwing it all away. It's books and people need to read in order to understand the world around them. this is the NE corridor and there are schools without books and now there is a library in my mom's name for one school and books for kids that never had any in urban centers in a 150 mile radius. Trust me when I tell you that when you are finding homes for 125,000 books all you care about is moving books out the door and not into a Dumpster. Thank God for the Quakers. we have 100+ cartons still to go.... then the furniture and then maybe an estate sale this weekend if I can tolerate the people. the weather is supposed to be nice but the estate/yard sales always make me sick because I can't stand the people. and no there isn't anyone else to run it. I have tried EVERY avenue available in this area and those people are way more difficult to tolerate than the ones that show up for the yard sales. Aside from the fact that they all want cash up front. No kidding. then what's the incentive to sell? Welcome to NJ.
OK, that's the update for me. Don't need any pep talks but I thank you all and I just wish I had more energy to devote to giving you guys pep talks but I don't.
The only thing that I can tell you all about black holes is that they will eat you if you let them. Don't let them. Take it from the AA program and use it a minute at a time and say ok, for this minute I am going to CHOOSE to not acknowledge the black hole. Happiness is indeed a choice and not always or even sometimes an easy choice but it is a choice. you have to force yourself because if you don't the alternative is unacceptable. If you are trying and it is still not working please get talk therapy. It is a proven treatment and just taking meds without talk therapy just means that you are only treating half the problem. For those who are broke, there are programs that can help you in your state. Please look into them and get yourself out of the hole.
I love you guys way more than you'll ever know and I hope for the best for all of you. So remember: Screw the Hole......
Kim, that makes me sad too. Those kids and their parents should have been dealt with harshly. If I had a kid and knew he/she did that they would have been in so much trouble. And you're right about the gun. Why did the kids have access. How sad.
Cricket. Did you get your Dad out with the dog? Dad has a wheel chair! Good idea. Thinking about doing the same, just hope he will keep clothes on! LOL Love ya, Kim
Linda! Happy Birthday to your little grandson! Next time you see him, give him a big birthday hug for me! Happy depend in the dryer with no clothes! I was thinking I would find it in the oven or fridge! LOL He took another one off and put it on top of the dryer! Missing depend worse than squirrel in the house! I scream when I see a depend where it shouldn't be and husband screams when he sees a squirrel! LOL Never a dull moment for any of us! Happy you are ok and Pa ok! :)
Miz, same with me. Pants won't fit! Trying to lose, but hard. I have a couple pairs of jeans that fit! I call jeans and t-shirt my uniform!! Menopause in full force here too! Just want it over with cause it is either hot flash or mood swing all the time! Sorry about the dog! That is sad! Is there sn ASPCA where you live? We don't have one here in Indy which is why I have to take wounded animals to rehabilitator when I find one. Can't imagine being chained up all day! Makes me mad. Our neighbors used to have two beautiful horses, Lady and Niki. One night some kids got hold of parents shot gun and shot Niki in the stomach eight times. She didn't recover. Vet had to put her down. Lady was so nervous and missed Niki so much that she had a nervous break down and had to be kept elsewhere. I would go outside and see her just pacing and sometimes she would run herself into the fence. Made me cry to see her so upset and scared. Kids were dealt with, but not harshly! All pointed finger at one another! I loved going out and seeing those horses run and play. So beautiful and calming to watch! Parents weren't home when this happened of course and made excuses for the kids! No excuse for parents who tolerate inexcusable behavior out of their kids! Guns should have been secured in a safe or something anyway! I still get sad about that incident! I will get off my soapbox now!
Msm, Sounds like you did a great job with your Mom's house! We are trying to do as much as we can ourselves with garage apartment. Almost done with it and Dad will be moving in. If he won't, I will be moving there! LOL
Diane, hope you guys had a great evening! Birthdays are special!
Rossella, good luck with work! I love you pictures! I am going to have to put more up on my wall.
Kuli, are you still in the hole? I hope things are getting better! xxoo
Jen, Anniegirl, Cuz, Lilli, Bobbi, Ann, rip, new comers, Hope I didn't leave anybody out! I love you all! Kim
Oh, Cuz loved the labor thing! When I was in labor, husband kept going into the bathroom eating Almond Joys! I got obsessed with them when I got home and ate them non- stop for a while! LOL
New clothes? I have been housebound for so long, and gained so much weight that nothing fits save one pair of good black pants - I do have the 'little black dress' (ha) I bought for Moms funeral, but other than that I will just have to make do until I lose some weight to get back into my jeans. I would love to wear jeans again! I have deciced that tomorrow morning I will schlep over to the county health department and see if I can get copies of Moms death certificate. I only need 2 for my probate matters in GA, and if they have them daughter and I can head south again on Tuesday morning and lt the others come from the funeral home whenever - the others can be mailed in to the places that need them. Further, I have decided that driving daughter to dallas is something I should not do. She and I will road trip to Georgia, see the other daughters and take care of Probate, and then I will drive her back to Atlanta and fly her out to Dallas. I don't think I am physcially up to a 22 hour road trip from Texas to Maryland all by myself, it would cost more than I can afford to spend, and I don't want to leave my husband alone any longer than necessary - we need to work together to make some tough decisons and very soon re our unemployment, the house and such. Also, as my SIL is supposedly arriving in Dallas on Thursday of this week, I have -0- interest in seeing him. So shorter road trip of 24 hours as opposed to 46. Love you guys. Goodnight and all hopes for a better tomorrow.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I also posted a comment on the AC discussion topic: "At-Home Exercise: Turn Housework Into a Workout" - in other words, let's turn caregiving into a fun workout.
Only the "experts" who have been direct caregivers, and know the challenges that come with the job, should be addressing these topics. We need useful information. I can always tell when I read an article by someone who is writing from a looonnng distance and telling us what we "should" be doing...BLECH....
Only when you have walked in our shoes do you realize how isolating, exhausting, and multi-faceted this thankless job is. And why do we do it? It is because it is the humane, decent, and kind thing to do for another human being. But knowing that does not make it easier.
Make up tips to look younger?
10 minute Ab workout?
Belly flattening routine?
etc?
Thanks for using stock fashion magazine pictures. Not. You guys are clueless if you think that this is making us feel better or these are 'tips' we can use.
Not only is it offensive, it's hack. Embarrassingly hack.
We appreciate this forum and if we look just above the Add Your Comment box you will notice:
Please stay on topic.......
Looking at the midriff of a 20 something and some chickie applying mascara while we write about in the trenches caregiving is somewhat obscene. We understand that you are selling screen space for revenue but there is a lot of stuff out there to solicit as opposed to this tripe.
Rather see ads for escapist entertainment like netflix or any movie rentals and while I am on the subject.. why don't you guys link with bkbooks dot com because of the importance of that subject matter.
Belly flattening routine my ass.
lovbob
Welcome Dollie.
you are amongst friends and ya, you can vent and cry right here.
Your Dad is ready to be placed for sure because believe it or not the behavior only gets worse. Especially the toilet behavior because it all becomes about the toilet and the pee and the poop and the fact that it gets everywhere and into everything.
Our collective hearts go out to you and we have experienced much of the same and some of us are on the other side and healing from caregiving and some are still deep in the trenches.
Place him. there are facilities out there that will be able to help and it is not the worst thing in the world for a demented parent or spouse to be placed. The destruction of physical and mental health of the caregiver is a fact and I am only one of a large statistic, being on the other side of caregiving and still trying to recover myself while cleaning out my mom's house.
Use the resources of this site to find a home for your dad so you can start your healing. They are professionals in memory care and the sooner you start the process the quicker your dad can be in a new environment that is designed for memory care with people trained to cope with all of the associated issues.
We wish you good luck and will be here for you as you proceed. It takes guts to do but if you listen to your instincts you realize that you have known for a long time that this is the only way you are going to move forward and live through this.
Barb! glad to see that your body is responding to the reduction in stress. I went through the same thing! My BP was so high and it went down just weeks after mom passed. We all feel better when we understand that it is their time to go and our time to remain. It is the law of nature. We can't keep them alive forever and what is the point when they are suffering so?
Thanks Barb for the offer and don't think I am not joyous! I know that I am not that far from you because we used to have friends in your town. Rip has my email and maybe she will hook the both of us up. You are by no means committed to coming to my crazy house but it would be nice to have each other's emails.
Linda! you are only feeling the stress both physically and mentally of being a full time caregiver. I know how much you love your Pa and you are a true angel on earth. Hope you get to take that road trip and your ankles don't swell up while you're driving!
Cuz! I laughed out loud all the way through that one! You are one sick so and so and it's not that much of a stretch to understand that we are related.
Flex! I understood that post entirely and am impressed that you were able to find MinuteMan launch codes from the 70s!
I have to admit that I am somewhat stuck today in this pile of stuff and can't seem to move forward. Having a time of it and the sell date is approaching rapidly. I have the scrap guy coming over in a few hours and he is the one who helped me clear out the big building (with a large crew) and I think he understands that I am just overwhelmed and doing what I can.
I have to toss stuff and what I have to toss is hard core. Things like the guest books from my parents funerals.... Where the hay am I going to keep that stuff on a boat and there isn't anyone else who wants them and I don't know any of those people anyway because of the 30 year period of insanity where I wasn't welcome here until it was to do the hard job of cleaning it all up and being the caregiver to my mom.
So needless to say, this is a bitch and I am doing the best that I can which is not very good at all. I move it forward a little every day but not fast enough in the grand scheme of things. oh well.... I will get it done. I met all of the other deadlines imposed on me and I will meet this one and then go back to my boat and sleep like a box of rocks and try not to feel as stupid as a bag of hammers.
For all of you guys fighting the black hole, please keep venting. Vent and Live!
And Remember to Breathe!
love you guys way more than you'll ever know,
lovbob
This site and the people on the grossed out thread helped me keep my sanity in dealing with my demented Mom. Nothing - and I repeat - nothing - your dad has or will do has not been faced by one or another of us at some time in our caregiving.
Many of us have selfish siblings. Some of them - like mine - are just flat out mean.
We understand - and may one day form a gang of many to go round the country and overseas to kick their asses! or at least TP their houses - with used, poopy TP of course!
As to your dad's violent outbursts - assaulting and threatening his family - unless he is in a 'contained' situation wherein he can not seriously injure you or himself (as my Mom was confined to one room and withoutr access to things that could be used as weapons) you have a very serious problem that needs to be addressed immediately.
Mom hit me more than once - and she packed a powerful punch - just two weeks before she died it took 3 of us to restrain her to keep her from kneeing the nurse in the face - and she was 89 on her back in bed!
--What is his diagnosis? Is he taking meds? Are you in US? Is he is a veteran? With more info we can be of more help.
If you can read this you have a strong mind:
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE.
THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING...... SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.
HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL
. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT
. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS..
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.
THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE.
SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED. BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN
Sweet dreams all! Helping Hannah with her math! Love you all! Kim
just a quickie here .
went to dr had pap and cked my pee and its clear , no uti , going for blood work in the morning , i have to fasting ,
when doc came in she ask me how r u feeling , i tld her its worst ! i just hurt all over waaaa . she said when women gets older and all the wear and tear on thier body causes alot of flamitorty on ur body . she prescribe me some antiflamitorty meds and a mild antidepression , wants to see me in 2 weeks to see if it is helpin me any , in few weeks i ll go and have mamorgram and bone desinsty test ,
one thing at a time . a lady i talked to she said she has fibomai how ya spell that , she said the way i describe my pain she honeslty think that is what i have . cuz that is what she has .
one day at a time ,,,,
msm - i surte hope u get that death certi straighten out , thought it was funeral or hospital s job to give u plenty of copies ? now what the hell !
yep i honestly believe stress makes us swell up and ache like hell . plus u did alot of driving it would causes u to swell up too ,
i remmy i drive 18 hrs straight non stop when i finaly arrived home i couldnt get out of the car . both my ankles were swelled up so damn bad , when i got in the house i started my period and man i cramp like hell . . it was hurtin bad to get out to get gas and go pee , couldnt wait to get home and wheni did my body just went limp and hubby had to help me walk in the house .
make sure u stop at the rest area plenty time to strech out and walk hahaha . i learned that quick but hell iwanna get home waaaaa .
ok goodnight you all and wove ya bunchies ,,, xoxox
Also still have not heard anything from my brothers - today I scanned in photos of all of them - old recently discovered ones - and would like to send them the originals but know it would be misconstrued as a bribe of some sort so I will hold onto them for a while.
I wanted to share a couple of health things. My heart had been pounding, racing routinely the last 6 months or so - and has not done so since Mom passed. Also, my feet were so swollen they looked like Petunia Pig - a friend of Biancas at Moms funeral even pulled me aside and commented on it. I couldn't zip my boots. The swelling is gone now. My boots zipped right up and my feet have returned to their normal size. My stress is way down I guess, and my body is responding favorably. On the other hand my tinnitus has never been as loud - ever- as it's been the last few days - So - take the good with the bad right? Love you guys.
xoxo
great to hear from you bobbie . am glad u have a dearfriend in atlanta that is going to help you out in any way he can . it is no picnic to do things on ur own , not when u have tons of stuff . yes i remmy u had a heatstroke an djumped in the pool with a phone in ur pocket . yep i sure remmy that . hopefuly all that will be done and over soon and let you get on with ur life and enjoy ur life .
maybe u should keep the house for one more winter and stay warm this winter , park ur boat for the winter , that way u can heal all winter long and do one thing at a time all winter . ? just a thought ... u did say one time that ure not sure if u want to keep the house or sell it . maybe u shall kep it this winter . i dont know my friend you do what you think is best . i wish you the best and hope to see you soon .
i need to go soak my smelly ass in the tub and soak in it for a while . ease up my achin muscles and then go see my doc at one . meow at all of u later .
kuli- ure not in the black hole are you ?
annt ??
kim u sound bubbly happy go girl . wonderful ! big hugs to u ,
miz- good food and winters comin u ll need ur fat to keep ya warm . i wish i could gain some weigh . seems imlosin it all times . lost my appitize , dont care to eat much anymore .
i am sick and something is wrong with me ... hope to find out today ...
love u all xoxox
sorry I haven't posted but have my own hole to deal with. Not black hole but Sh!t Hole!! I am somewhat depressed but it is situational depression and I just try to keep my eye on the prize and not let it get me. the only way you can eat an elephant is a bite at a time.
House actually very nice but am still working my tail off to sell/donate this stuff.
Went to see a movie last night and am considering an AM 6 buck movie this morning. Can't take being in here hours and hours and days and days.
Wish I could answer everyone individually but i just don't have the juice.
There are still so many books and so much furniture to go but it is happening a little at a time.
I have a well meaning friend in Atlanta who is going to help me in the near future and last night he was telling me what I 'have' to do, etc etc as far as getting max value and I finally told him that I'll light a match to it all before I get sick again. He didn't understand that I have been cleaning up my mom and dad's mess since Sept of 2004. This has been a continuing problem with the possible only comparison of Hercules and the Stable.
I see the hoarders shows on tv and just laugh. gross but a piece of cake.
Those that were posting/reading summer of 2010 may remember when I almost died from heat stroke while cleaning out the 13,000sq ft building that had never been cleaned out since it was built 110 years ago.
If only this task was as easy as throwing it all away. It's books and people need to read in order to understand the world around them. this is the NE corridor and there are schools without books and now there is a library in my mom's name for one school and books for kids that never had any in urban centers in a 150 mile radius.
Trust me when I tell you that when you are finding homes for 125,000 books all you care about is moving books out the door and not into a Dumpster. Thank God for the Quakers.
we have 100+ cartons still to go.... then the furniture and then maybe an estate sale this weekend if I can tolerate the people. the weather is supposed to be nice but the estate/yard sales always make me sick because I can't stand the people. and no there isn't anyone else to run it.
I have tried EVERY avenue available in this area and those people are way more difficult to tolerate than the ones that show up for the yard sales. Aside from the fact that they all want cash up front. No kidding. then what's the incentive to sell? Welcome to NJ.
OK, that's the update for me. Don't need any pep talks but I thank you all and I just wish I had more energy to devote to giving you guys pep talks but I don't.
The only thing that I can tell you all about black holes is that they will eat you if you let them. Don't let them.
Take it from the AA program and use it a minute at a time and say ok, for this minute I am going to CHOOSE to not acknowledge the black hole.
Happiness is indeed a choice and not always or even sometimes an easy choice but it is a choice.
you have to force yourself because if you don't the alternative is unacceptable. If you are trying and it is still not working please get talk therapy. It is a proven treatment and just taking meds without talk therapy just means that you are only treating half the problem.
For those who are broke, there are programs that can help you in your state. Please look into them and get yourself out of the hole.
I love you guys way more than you'll ever know and I hope for the best for all of you.
So remember:
Screw the Hole......
lovbob
Miz, same with me. Pants won't fit! Trying to lose, but hard. I have a couple pairs of jeans that fit! I call jeans and t-shirt my uniform!! Menopause in full force here too! Just want it over with cause it is either hot flash or mood swing all the time! Sorry about the dog! That is sad! Is there sn ASPCA where you live? We don't have one here in Indy which is why I have to take wounded animals to rehabilitator when I find one. Can't imagine being chained up all day! Makes me mad. Our neighbors used to have two beautiful horses, Lady and Niki. One night some kids got hold of parents shot gun and shot Niki in the stomach eight times. She didn't recover. Vet had to put her down. Lady was so nervous and missed Niki so much that she had a nervous break down and had to be kept elsewhere. I would go outside and see her just pacing and sometimes she would run herself into the fence. Made me cry to see her so upset and scared. Kids were dealt with, but not harshly! All pointed finger at one another! I loved going out and seeing those horses run and play. So beautiful and calming to watch! Parents weren't home when this happened of course and made excuses for the kids! No excuse for parents who tolerate inexcusable behavior out of their kids! Guns should have been secured in a safe or something anyway! I still get sad about that incident! I will get off my soapbox now!
Msm, Sounds like you did a great job with your Mom's house! We are trying to do as much as we can ourselves with garage apartment. Almost done with it and Dad will be moving in. If he won't, I will be moving there! LOL
Diane, hope you guys had a great evening! Birthdays are special!
Rossella, good luck with work! I love you pictures! I am going to have to put more up on my wall.
Kuli, are you still in the hole? I hope things are getting better! xxoo
Jen, Anniegirl, Cuz, Lilli, Bobbi, Ann, rip, new comers, Hope I didn't leave anybody out! I love you all! Kim
Oh, Cuz loved the labor thing! When I was in labor, husband kept going into the bathroom eating Almond Joys! I got obsessed with them when I got home and ate them non- stop for a while! LOL
Talk to you all later!
Further, I have decided that driving daughter to dallas is something I should not do. She and I will road trip to Georgia, see the other daughters and take care of Probate, and then I will drive her back to Atlanta and fly her out to Dallas. I don't think I am physcially up to a 22 hour road trip from Texas to Maryland all by myself, it would cost more than I can afford to spend, and I don't want to leave my husband alone any longer than necessary - we need to work together to make some tough decisons and very soon re our unemployment, the house and such. Also, as my SIL is supposedly arriving in Dallas on Thursday of this week, I have -0- interest in seeing him. So shorter road trip of 24 hours as opposed to 46.
Love you guys. Goodnight and all hopes for a better tomorrow.
-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
-- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?
-- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.
-- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.
-- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
-- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.
-- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.
-- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.
-- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
-- Stop your swearing and just breathe.
-- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.
-- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.