Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

cricket - i waited for u to come by and pick me up ., :-) nice drive around the block is nice ,
had a bonfire goung now i smell like smoke , akk akk ahhhk , i just realize something i havent realy ate anything for 2 days , mmm anybody wanna feed me ?
yes i know i feel like everything i say on this post is me me me . ah well thats life isnt it ? it is about me me me or its about pa pa pa . isnt it great . ?
pa s eating bfast it is the only thing he will eat , i made him chcken saldad sanwhiches for supper nope didnt touch it , gave him banana bread nope didnt touch it m gave him v8 juice , slurp is all he took , mmm so while ago he said is bfast ready oh yes it is ready and now he s eating happy camper . he loves his sasuage gravy ! eat that anytime .... better than nuthing .
jsomebody - thinkin of u while i had good bonfire going ., glad ur neighbors a mobin out , hope the next one that moves in will be ur best friend ....
louie is attackin me he s wanting to go outside :-) . damn whore cat !
cricket ! u got laid ! well hell now im jeaouse ! i dont remmy whens the lasttime i got laid . its beenforever , hubbys got heart pblms so im errie about getting laid , i cant pictrre myself at funeral home how did it happen oh i got laid and cause him to have heart attack . shit that be terrible ! :-) . ah its all good , lovey dovey suits me just fine . kisses hugs is good enuff . he is a good man and i dont wanna lose him . he was teling to me about the roadtrip comin up , said if sis in law doesnt make it he will go with me cuz he doesnt want me to travel alone . bless hisheart . i love my hubby so much . yesterday he was a dick head and he told me today he thought long and hard about it and he realized he was a dickhead . see he is a sweetie .
ok need to go see if pa ate his food all gone , i may just go take a shower gosh i smell like stinky bonfire .
later folks xoxoxo

Well I'm back and feel much better, got laid, Oh my, did i say that? LOL
Omg Kim your Dad was streaking! Did he realize he was nekid? Any hide nor hair of the squirly coming back?
Thank for the hugs Lilli and Jsom.. I really needed those.
As for the bidet's those things are expensive! Looks like Ass wipes here I come! At least he not running around dangling his jewels, yet.. gee now I know what I have to look forward to. o.O

Barbara, You have been through a traumatic experience. You have every right to talk about you. Vent and talk away dear.

Thanks everyone for the support for my little pissy fit there. It really is unreal but I don't know anything else.Gotta get validation somewhere it was never here...

Gah reading about diarrhea down the hall and hygiene and stubbornness...
Any one who says thinks or even imagines elder care is like child care is off their BLOCK!!! Not even just in reverse stages is this akin to child care! Not even close! Arguing about basic hygiene with a parent that is about your size and used to tell you what to do, and has behaviors beyond that of even Developmentally Delayed Children, in regards to confusing and unusual actions and thoughts, is nothing like raising a child! Throw in, that the end of this journey is death not college and you get an whole different way of life...And it ain't Amber Jane's crafts and window shopping!


Got my re-certification from basic Health after it got miss mailed to the wrong house so I have lost 10 days of my time to re apply..and the woman was very snotty to me on the phone about it two weeks ago..well lady it wasn't my fault! so called IRS for form that says I didn't file tax return as I am indigent, and when that comes these forms go to Basic Health and the form has changed, I am gonna be in a bind here if this goes the wrong. It is a form the likes of which Basic Health has never used, it looks like a Public Assistance form very detailed. The note on the letter says they are going to see who is eligible for Basic Health and who is eligible for Medicaid..If I get kicked out of Basic Health I can't get Medicaid becasue of grandpa's assets connected to this household...Lets just NOT go that way!!! Please....

And JOY of joys...it looks and sounds as if the neighbors next door, the loud, mean, bullying, stupid, littering, morons on our east are MOVING!!! Now That is a God Send if it is true. U-Haul out back....stuff going OUT!!! Let it be Please....

MsM you could put M and M's on the salad to keep it from being too healthy?...

Ksobie, cricket, Linda Thanks for the family support, Yeah "I don't want to talk about it" and " I don't want to hear about it" are my mother's life mantras, literally, she said it all my life, before I realized just to NOT say anything to her, that and "That makes me REAL nervous..." have kept me shut down all my life. Anyhow, Thanks for the sympathetic ears and kind words everyone, it helps to have outside input...

Hope the weekend goes well for everyone, minus the diarrhea, yelling, biting, grousing, soaked sheets, pee'd on flooring..you know the usual...Jen

thanks kim, i had the hubby drive me to sonic and got a humongous cheeseburger! i guess my blood sugar was to low earlier. I am feeling more like myself now. My Dad is the same as yours.. passive aggressive to and it is maddening... I'm going to see how expensive it would be to get a Bidet, maybe that will solve the problem. God Bless all of you who are wiping butts! I guess I'm just not ready for the third time around yet. I know, I know, neither were any of you.
MsM the Akins Day Break Oatmeal Squares have 10 grams of fiber in them and they taste great if your looking for an alternative snack to help you feel full. They are the only ones with only 1 gm of sugar in them to.
Love you all.

I have GOOD NEWS! Daughter (dear, darling wonderful youngest daughter who is married to the bum) appears to have turned the corner. The Canadian told her if she wanted him to return to the US, she would have to 'terminate' her relationship with us, because we don't 'like' him. She told him he was completely insane she would never stop loving her parents and hung up on him - then told me all about it! Major change. Of course he called back in 20 minutes and apolgized - but the point is she is now seeing past the 'fog of love' to who he really is.- so yea!!!
---
The people picked up Moms bed, and bed table, even her night stand and all the linens this morning. They were very nice, even saying how pretty Mom was, as her pic is on the wall in her room.

From there daughter and I took my little cat Rosie to the vet to get her nails clipped (her nails had grown into her pads) and she weighed in at 20 pounds. Gained 4 pounds since her last visit 2 yrs ago - so she has been stress eating too. Later we went to the grocery and bought lots of fresh fruit and veggies - a big Cobb Salad to be made for dinner. I've been eating junk for so long I will probably go into shock.

At the store I could not/would not buy any of the things we always got for Mom - yougurt, bananas and such - and I find myself telling everyone who will listen that my Mom just died.

Still no word on death cert - still no job offers, as another week comes to an end. I was able to buy groceries, pay all the first of the month bills except the mortgage, but its not late til the 15th. Thats more than 2 weeks so no stress on that yet . . .

I realize that most of my posting has been ME ME ME and I apologize. I will get with the program. I do care very much about the ongoing drama and trauma you all are going through. Kind of like I finished the final exam first and you guys are still figuring out the answers. Hugs. Kisses. Perhaps October will be better.

Kuli. Just keep calling your sis every time Dad gets up. Be relentless!! She'll get the point quickly when she becomes sleep deprived! Love and hugs, Kim

Cricket, you are not terrible! Just frustrated. Go on that drive. Look at what I did when Dad pulled his stunt! I feel for ya! Dad started walking around with no pants on today! Ugh t-shirt and no pants! Never know what is next! His hygiene is horrible too! Dementia plus passive-aggressive stubborn streak is frustrating and maddening at the same time. Be easy on yourself, cause they don't make it easy for us! Love and hugs, Kim

uggg! I'm so disgusted right now... Dad's Nurse just left from helping him shower and he is still not getting himself clean enough.... both the nurse and I tried talking with him and again his reply is...lets not talk about, will you stop talking about it. bla bla bla... 4 weeks in a row now and he tells me he is doing it and he's still not.. I had to be very forceful today and tell him that if he isn't able to clean himself properly after another week then he's going to have to let me help him.. his reply after looking at the nurse was... i didn't know you were coming today, next time i will know and it will be right... Gah....Bla.....ack .. *%@)*^! I was reviewing his medical records online today and discovered that in the last 9 months I've had to take him to one doctor or another, 51 friggin' times! Today I told him that I am tired of constantly running him to the Drs for one infection or another, etc. and most of it can be avoided if he would just let me help him clean up...feel so consumed with caregiving right now. Like Linda always says waaaaa waaa! I think I'm going to lock him in his room and go for a drive... i know I'm being terrible right now cause I need respite, and I don't even have it half as bad as most of you.

Good afternoon all,
Jsom, my family's way of dealing with things is to say" stop talking about it, i don't want to talk about it" I totally get your anger and know it's hard enough to try to let go of the past but when you have to live with it in your face everyday is even worse. Just know that you have a sister here in me. xxoo
Welcome Bellegi... one day my dad walked up to me and held up the remote and asked me "what is this for?" we have our good days and bad ones to.
Lilli, I loved the letter you wrote in another thread....just awesome!
Rossella, Thank you for reminding me to focus on the positive by some of your posts.
Diane, I wish I could come help you out but we all know how it is impossible. Keep climbing outta that black hole, you're not Dark Alice! Hugs to you!
Hi Miz, Kuli, MsM, Bobbie, CUZ,
Anne, any improvements with your Mom? Are you surviving? My heart goes out to you.
Kim, I hope your lil' squirrel finds it's way back to. Try to find some Macaroon's when you go to the store. Many times a couple of those will stop Diarrhea. I have rescued animals before to. When I was a kid I used to catch everything and bring it home. Once a skunk, lol another time I caught a Roadrunner! Told you guys I was ADHD, LOL
Linda, Sorry your down with the yuckies, don't do anything you don't have to do, take another nap and lock the door, LOL ROADTRIP SOUNDS AWESOME! Count me in!! Or anytime anyone wants to drive down my way Come on down! Time for me to go now.. gotta call and hagle with Insurance Company and Docs... ack! Love you all..XXXOOO

good morning !
bellegi - u had me smiling ! big hugs to u ...
sorry i was a fly on a wall for a while . wasnt in mood to say anything but read . i was sick . wasnt feeling good . today im a lit ok .
pa is smiling and feeling better , notice he cant stand up anymore . stroke has done the damages . he wants to get out of bed to go eat inkitchen , mumble jumble and started to get more confuse when he thought he wa sgoing to get out of bed . i said uhh how about u just stay in bed and eat bfast in bed . oh ok he says . whew . my neck and my back cant handle the pressure of liftin and stiffin me up hangin on to him . screw it ! my body is just falling apart and not feeling too well . had an aurgemnt with hubby yesterday , i was sleeping and he came in turned the light on and had a smirk remark about me begin in bed , hell hit the ceiling off i blabb off to him .
he should have never done that . wake me up with coffee and ciggy i be nice but wake me up while im sound asleep and throw that smirk remark at me oh lord watch out ! all hell broke lose and the black hole did swallowed me up . gawd i was so mad at him . i felt bad later on and went crawlin in bed with him and he hug me so i know we re ok . slept like a baby .
mariesmom - we all need u here cuz we need to know what to expect when our love ones pass . before and after . i know it isnt pretty , it is down right sad and we would be lost without you , would like to know how u keep going . ROADTRIP !! woo woo . honestly i think that would be a best therapy to do . give u time to heal .
when i lost my mom due to cancer it took me a long time to get over it . i kept going cuz i had lit childerns to raise , now all my kids are grown up and out of my nest , i dont know how im going react . prob take a ROADTRIP ! lalala ....
ksobhie - im in love with ur squirrl . i hope she come sback . maybe bring u tons of more piney babies . so ur dad has the craps . damn just what u need to deal with . batecrial , uti ? he is sick . crappin all the infections out . i hope he gets better soon and yes he needs to go to the dr . i wish i had taken dad earlier but well es ok now . whew thank u lord ...
jsomebody - youre a true speical person to me . shame on ur mom makin that remark . it is down right rude and no respects . somebodys gotta come and get u outta that house and take u out for a roadtrip . deefer u shall kidnap her and i promise i wont tell a soul where she is . jsomebody u know u are loved by all of us and keep that in ur mind theres somebody out there that does love you . i would just stay afar away from fp and mom . they have no respect at all .
i need to get up and start movin around . sittin here in this chair makes my back tighten up in a ball . cricket i need u here , massages my back plz .
love you all and have a happy day ok . heres gloomey and lit windy . barf . have a good weekend ....
bobbie ! big hugs xoxoxox

I can relate...just caught my dad trying to turn off the alarm clock with the TV remote! UGGGHHH!!!

Geez, I wrote Lilli earlier in my post and part of it is at the end! Strange! Oh well I probably confused the computer! LOL

Kim: "I will make different little collars for her and carry her in my purse!" HAH, HAH, You're a hoot!....that image in my head is a good way to end the evening....getting a little squirrely, are we??? I'm right there with ya'....

Amen, cricket.
Kuli: Leave your sister a message that you are going to contact an agency for live-in care because it has been prescribed by your Dad's hospice nurse. Ask her where she would like the bill to be sent: to her or the financial advisor. Either that, or she can transfer the POA to you. Her choice.
If the nurse called her directly, would that have any impact? Can you call the financial advisor directly and let them know that this is urgent?
Wow....this passive/aggressive hoohaw is just what you needed right now...

Hi everybody. Today not so good! Dad has diarrhea. Evidently started early this morning. When husband came in it was all over the bed,hall, you name it! Maybe the boost is too rich for him! I don't know? Cleaning most of the day! Lysol, bleach, you name it we used it. Trying to keep Dad on bland foods. Mashed potatoes, rice, toast. Gave him Milk of Mag. He did manage to sneak a glass of milk. Not good for the runs!
Cricket. Come any time and bring the dogs! We would have a blast! Sadie Mae is doing her job. I think over the years mine have just gotten used to me looking after other creatures and have become conditioned to it. I have found wounded animals and will bring them in and locate a rehabilitator and took them to the rehabs house! I just can't help myself! LOL If the squirrel should come back I think I will let her stay! I will make different little collars for her and carry her in my purse! Can't you imagine going through airport security with a squirrel in your purse! LOL
Jen, if she does return I will probably wake up and she will be curled up in bed with me! :) What your Mom said to you....inexcusable. She doesn't want to face the reality so she chooses to live in denial at your expense! My Dad has done the same and it always made me feel invisible. We know our own reality, but it sucks not to get validation, especially from a parent! We shall validate one another.

Deef have you tried the bubble gum for rls when Meds don't work? I swear even though it doesn't take all the symptoms away, it seems to calm it a bit. I use Hubba Bubba! LOL Think it just redirects the attention away from arms,legs,and body. I think it sucks that the over 50 crowd doesn't get a fair chance in the job market. Over 50 group has life experience, wisdom. Don't realize what they are missing! There are lots of us baby boomers out there! Oh, I guess it comes down to the almighty dollar. Less experience less pay, but also less quality! Big corps don't care! They need to though!

Lilli, I hope I am not repeating myself, but put underwear on over depends and it seems to be working! :) He hasn't removed them today! Husband is home and he seems to listen to him more than me! Dad is now sitting with us watching Alice in Wonderland with sweat pants on too! LOL Love that movie! I think we are all in Wonderland and some day we will all come out of the hole!

Kuli. Don't let the hole suck you in! I feel like I am half way out and will be looking for you to help you out! Dad wouldn't even give me POA so now we are having to pay for Meds, hospital bills insuance won't pay, etc... He has been here for 11 years and has yet to even pay a utility bill. He has a retirement account with Wells-Fargo, but stick market has plunged and we put his social security in his bank account every month. He can barely sign his name anymore. Rock and a hard space. I will probably have to resort to gaining guardianship! He has always been this way and it really makes me sad because I am his only child. Keep looking and you will find me.

Diane, keep climbing. You will get there. Keep saying to yourself. " Nobody can hurt me without my permission". Have you ever watched the movie Hanging Up with Meg Ryan? If you haven't try to find it and watch it. Good crys help me too! Seems like they cleanse the body and soul!

TheirDaughter. That was a funny story about your uncle, husband and the dog! You had me laughing! Thanks! I am glad you are here.

Linda, where are you? Hope Pa is ok! Check in. Miss you even if you aren't on a day! Go toward the white hole! Hope you are OK and Pa is OK.

Ann, you are right. One day with a squirrel or whatever is a great diversion. Won't forget that scream of husband's anytime soon. Hannah thinks it is hysterical? Memories Yes! Good one. Glad your Mom is having a good time now. That is great! I love goodwill and resale shops. Never buy anything new. I say recycle. Got Hannah a really nice North Face pullover at a resale store a while back for five bucks! I go past the mall and think.....You suckers! LOL

Miz, thinking about you always and hoping you get more hours. xxoo

Rosella, think that is so cool that you and the little girl can communicate so well without knowing each other's language. Sometimes all it takes is the heart to communicate. I don't speak Farsi well and my sister in law and MIL don't speak English well, but we communicate. I love both of them dearly and wish they were here! My sister in law came over shortly after my mom died just for me and she gave me such comfort. No language required! Just love. MIL called today. She is still stuck in Iran. Ugh! Wish she wad here. She is Dad's age, but has bad back problems and can't travel to us anymore! Mind is as sharp as a tack. She used to come and stay with us and I loved it. No US embassy there, so we won't chance it. I would probably say something wrong right off the bat with my big mouth and be detained in prison. Hoping for change there! A Theocracy isn't for me!! No way! Scared for family over there!

Anniegirl, how are you? Bobbi, hope things are getting easier for you at the house. Cuz loved that piece you posted about from Ireland. Please keep jokes coming our way. We all need to laugh!

Msm, glad Mom's room was peaceful and you had a sweet dream. My Mom and Grandmother come to me in dreams often. That is a good sign! No regrets! Just look at the road ahead. It will take you where you need to be! Hugs to all of your family. Your Daughter's are beautiful! Inside and out just like their mother!

I am going to sign out now. Welcome all newbies and please forgive me if I left anyone out. I love every single one of you! You guys are my life line! Kim







Lili, we put the underwear over depends and it seems to be working! Yay! Now if the diarrhea will go away.

Oh Kuli, What an ordeal. I hear ya about being so tired! Another night of this and every time you have to get up in the middle of the night I suggest you telephone your sister and let her know that you are sorry to inconvenience her but you thought she should know Dad is having a problem again, do it every time! Tell her every detail to disrupt her sleep as much as you can. Even if she doesn't pick up her phone leave the message. Make her aware that you have to go to work now with 0 sleep and if she doesn't get the financial stuff in order you will be expecting her to arrive for the next night so you can get some sleep! Or something like that anyway. Remember "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" or just bug the shit outta her until it becomes more convenient for her to get off her lazy butt and get it taken care of. I'm so sorry your being treated like that. You deserve better. (((Hug)))

Another rough night last night. Dad went to bed at 7:45pm, up at 9:30 and thought someone was in his bed. Convinced him it was only me, him and the dog sleeping in this house, went back to bed, up at 12, 2, 3:30 - changed his catheter bag to the day bag at 3:30 then wanted to change it back to the night bag at 8:00am. Talked to the hospice nurse today - we will decrease his Fentanyl again and see if it makes a difference. She also discussed meds for dementia but said sometimes doctor questions expensive drugs with no proof of help for hospice patients. I told her rather than add meds, I have been thinking we need to decrease meds but need to discuss with sibs cuz I won't make this decision alone. Also told her I have been pushing sis - POA for financial stuff - to make appt with dad's financial planner so I can start live in care for him. She agrees that he is not safe alone and since I can't quit my job, we need to hire someone. Sis, however, is "training a new person" at her job so it's a little inconvenient for her. WTF - I'm the one up most if not all of the night with him, continuing to work full time and it's "inconvenient"???? God I am so tired of all of this! Black hole - here I come!!!

Hi all, welcome "theirdaughter". I just finished cleaning up from dinner. What a day I've had. Caught one of dad's doctors office trying to over charge dad for his co-pay and had to go raise hell with them. I hate how this one office tries to take advantage of the elderly with Dementia! The girl doing the billing didn't know I was with Dad but she found out soon enough. I've done medical billing before so they can't pull that crap and get away with it. I would change the doctor but it's the pain clinic that monitors Dads pain meds so we have to go there. errrrr.
Okay I'm done venting for the night. How's everyone doing tonight? Any energy left to tap on the keyboard? LOL Dad sat at the table tonight with me Hubby and son and it was actually a nice time for a change.
MsM, now you get to focus on caring for yourself. Be kind to yourself and allow plenty of time and care for you to aid you in your recovery from Mom care.
Kim I wanna come to your house to... fun stuff there with the critters. Your dogs sound so sweet, If that were my dogs the poor little squirrel would have died of a heart attack from fright as Sadie Mae would have gone for the kill. I don't know why she is such a hunter, she's never been trained to hunt. She will sit up on the top of a sofa and scan the entire yard just waiting for anything to move.. She loves people though. How's everyones parents tonight?

First, I just read about the squirrel, Dad and his Depends! Very funny. It reminded of the time my husband and I took our dog to visit my uncle in assisted living. We knocked and no answer, but the nurse in the hallway said she had just been in to give him some medicine so go on in. My husband opened the door a crack and called to my uncle who said, "I'm in the bathroom" (always a warning in sign in my book). Sure enough, I caught a glimpse of him starting to come out and my husband said, "don't look."

We weren't' sure what to do because it was obvious he had made a mess in the bathroom so I asked my husband to go back out and find a staff person to help, which he quickly did. I just remember him leaning over and saying to me quietly, "whatever you do, don't let the dog loose."

Jen, I'm so sorry. And what your mom said and did is horrendous and so very sad. You are okay. I care about you. And thanks for the "Hello". It means a lot to me.

Hey D I did that with brother who abused me..I am an only child now...If I can work on being adopted next I should be OK....

Glad you got the squirrel K hope she doesn't..."home"....and you wake up and she is in yur shoes or something...

MSM you belong here, most look toward the loss with trepidation and hope and you are on the other side so to speak but you KNOW what it is like the day to day of it don't ever feel you don't belong here....

We have to add car trouble to all the rest now...just what we need...hope it is minor, mom will pay for it herself, at some point she wont' have any bank accounts herself....

Fart pants is coming in from sunning himself...in other words not dead yet...whatever..gonna look up jokes on line here a bit...Get my hundred dollars tomorrow, once I pay for flu shot and health care insurance and pet meds I will be broke again...what ever...

Watched the new SUV last night and was reminded whuy we don't issues of molestation made mom stiff and me uncomfortable...the scene where the little boy lays his head on his moms breast and cries made me see another angle...when I told my mom about my EX brother molesting me, not only did she say "I am glad it happened with David and not someone outside the family we don't know..." but she stood in her room with her door half closed and then shut the door....I think that is rather symbolic, she just shut the door...what more do I need to know...

And for the "Reason Theorists" among us yes I choose this life, these parents, this family, this experience to grow my soul and I have chosen to be bitter and unhappy about it....For the religious ones, you forgive for me...it never helped here...Sorry I am so angry but well I am angry...why the hell shouldn't I be and when do I grow a spine and GET OUT!?

Today she snapped at him for washing his dentures in the kitchen sink..."Whats the difference he yelled?" ah a look into the mind of the elderly...How about, we would like to keep your filth limited to as few a places as possible and least of all a place where food is prepared old man....

I hope everyone has an OK sane safe weekend, or as close to good as we can get....

Hello to miz and bobbie and Christina and annt and MSM and rip and deef and Dlex and cricket and Kso and lilli and rossella and Linda and everyone else here at the Grossed thread...

Good news! My hands are at the top of the black hole and I may dig myself out! I had a big time cry lastnight and had a good night's rest so I'm feeling much better. I've decided I no longer have siblings. They are simply my mothers other children. Thanks everyone for cheering me on to get out the black hole and tell the "sibs" F*** OFF!

I have to go cook some dinner so I'll try check in later.

Love ya,
DIane

Wow - you all are awesome. Between picturing Kims husband screaming and dad running around in his depends and a shirt I was rolling . . .and the cat in the diaper. Annt I LOVE Helen, GA. Been a half dozen times and my favorite part is the Chattahoochee River starting there and how beautiful and cool it is. And of curse the beer gardens and chocolate and german food and the Christmas Shop!

Today i went into Moms room for the first time. Husband had already disassembled Moms bed, and Tori and I cleaned it and the wheelchair and the bed table we are donating this weekend. There was so much stuff.

Her music, the monitors, 6 bags of premium diapers, a case of wipes not even open, shampoo caps, new hospital gowns, bathing cloths, bed pads, the linens and blankets for the bed. I have 6 big boxes for the man I found on Craigs list who is caring for his wife with cancer (and no insurance). We will drive up to York PA and deliver this Saturday and anything he doesn't need he will give to his church.

The people are coming here for the hospital bed and table tomorrow. All of Moms nice clothes and gowns and hats - she loved hats - are going to Goodwill. Tori kept a few things. I am keeping Molly (her favorite doll who was with us when she died), and one of the hats, and her luggage. We did throw the walker out - that got to me the most - and all the toilet helping things. I will also remove the grab bars before I finish painting the bathroom.

There is no negative energy in there - the room is very peaceful. Last night I dreamed of my Mom's Mom, my granny, for probably the 1st time ever in my life, and that made me happy.

Did I mention I began dieting Tuesday when we got home? I am big as a house just now and am hoping to at lest reduce to condo size . . .

There has been discussion on getting into Hospice. All I did was call them and they ame out, and with my permision they contacted Moms doctor and we were in. There was never any prior talk or diagnosis of her being 'terminal'. perhap being 89 wih Alzheimer's it was assumed . . .

Love you guys.

Hi ladies... I have spent 3 hours this afternoon with a 5 years old Rumenian girl. She speaks 5 words of Italian and I speak 5 words of rumanian, and they are not the same words. Nevertheless we managed to talk all the time. I am exhausted!
See you tomorrow

Kim, you had me cracking up this morning with the squirrel story and your Dad up with shirt and depends. I say if the critter gets back in just give him his little corner, you know you are fond of him and of course you will have plenty of distractions laughing at the Hubby! Just think of the cute little collar you can make him, LOL
Deef, OMG you have to care for a Cat in diapers? I didn't think there was anyone else doing the convalescing pet thing like me. Non of my siblings ever call to complain to me because they know that if they did I would tell them that unless they quit their jobs, take Dad and move him in with them and take care of him in the way they would see fit to keep their damn mouths shut. But that never happens here because Dad has only got 6 calls in the last 4 yrs! So much for my being ladylike, LOL
Anne, I'm glad you're Mom is having a great week and showing interest in her appearance.. maybe she is back in her teen years? Either way enjoy the positive things when we get them, right?
I don't know what the coconut oil discussion was all about and don't need to know but it reminded me that the coconut oil can be used to stop diarrhea and if you can't get the oil down a couple of macaroons will do the trick to. (in most cases). I thought I would share that with everyone since we all have poop issues, LOL.
Linda, you are a Champion with your Pa, whenever I feel the negative feelings coming on toward Dad I think of you and how you care for your Pa and it makes me want to change my thinking to be a better daughter. Thank you for that!
Lilli, you and your Duck family sounds fun. How cute is that!
Love you all. This forum is a lifeline to sanity. I love staying connected to you all. Being forced to stay home most of the time taking care of Dad keeps me so isolated from community and because of you all here I still have a sense of being a part of the whole vs. being alone.

MsM, I'm so glad you are back and you vented! We all need you here and want you to vent as much and as often as you need to. Change can be hard, especially after you were Caregiving for so long.. it's like being in shock on an emotional level. It's normal to feel the way you do. All the other troubles were in the background before because your Ma was in the forefront, everything is going to be okay. Do yourself a huge favor and stop the "what ifs" in your mind. I used to do that to myself and it can get to the point where it's like terrorizing ourselves and that makes everything harder because it zaps our energies. When we find ourselves worrying over and over it helps to cancel the worry thoughts and replace them with thoughts that supports us. I find for me this helps me to reduce my stress, it decreases my anxiety tremendously. I just repeat to myself that everything will work out and I will find the solution to each problem as I need to and you will also. You will love the road trip. Enjoy the time with your daughter. The trip back will give you some quiet time with your thoughts and it will help you find clarity. If you have any personal growth tapes or CD's take them with you for the ride back. Sometimes they can direct your thoughts into areas you need to focus on for that clarity. One of my personal favorite teachers is Louise L. Hay and her book "you can heal your life" if you aren't familiar with her you can check her out at youtube. She teaches people how to retrain their thought patterns so they can stay focused and have peace of mind no matter what their life's circumstances are. Much love to you!

Kim, cute critter...haven't seen a squirrel that closely. I was wondering, the other day, why you do not see baby squirrels running around? Do they stay in the nest until they are older? I have a whole family of ducks who walk up to my slider and peck at the window until I feed them...or until the pup scares the beejeebers out of 'em.
annt: good to hear that your Mom is stylin'. It is always so much easier when Mom's spirits are up.
deef: I went ahead and ordered the coconut oil for Mom and one for myself too...can't hurt to give it a try... The infrared camera in your Mom's room is such a great idea. Mom had the big pockets of fluid collect under one eye. Heat packs worked to take it down.
Msm: glad to hear that the daughter is seeing the light. It must have been hard to wait until she came to that conclusion. Hope she follows her dreams and gets rid of the dead weight.
Diane: I have a huge extended family and EVERYONE has an opinion, but no one steps up to help. I used to take all their comments to heart, now I just change the subject. I figure, walk in my shoes before you open your mouth....
Rip, Rosella, Linda, and all, I hope your day is getting off to a good start...

Good morning everybody. Been reading all the posts for the last few days. There's never a dull moment with this group. I've never know a busier bunch of people. Some good experiences some funny and some sad. Some good funny and sad all at the same time. You all are great.

Took mom out yesterday. We ran errands and got lunch and went to Goodwill. She was all into looking at clothes and picking out what she liked. We found a sweat shirt that said.."Whew! I made it to old age!" She insisted on getting that one. We spent a big $21 and got two pairs of flannel pjs, an L.L. Bean jacket, apair of shoes, a sweater set and two sweat shirts. Not a bad haul for the money. I think they gave her a 50% discount for being so old. She has really surprised me lately by being interested in how she looks. I took all the clothes that I've bought her this year out of her closet one by one and showed her what she has to wear. All was bought either at walmart or goodwill. She kept saying...that's pretty, I like that... she hasn't cared about her looks in years. She even asked me about her dentures! She hasn't worn them in at least 6 years. They look funny on her now. I told her not to bother. They don't fit now and it looks like those dogs in the commercial that wear the dentures and smile real big. She has mentioned her hair a couple of times so I need to cut it today. To make it even better, she painted (with stensils) a bag for the hospice girl who comes every day. It has flowers on it and the name JOYCE on the bottom. Joyce was thrilled this morning. This has been a good week for mom. Of course every week comes with its own problems as we all know.
Kim, the piney really brought a lot of fun into your house. These are good memories you will enjoy telling for years. And if it took your mind off the every day grind of taking care of Dad, then yaaaaaa. Sometimes a squirrel, or mouse or kitten or whatever is just what we need to get us thru the ugly awfuls in life. I'm glad he came for a visit and I would have loved to see your hubby's reaction and hear him scream. lol!!!
Msm, it's good to hear from you. A road trip is a wonderful idea. I would love to be able to do that with my sons. So much alone time to talk and talk. You have many blessings right now. Mama is at rest, daughter is out of Canada other daughters are supportive and love is flowing in your family. Your conscience is clear. You took wonderful care of mom now go live the best life you can on whatever funds are available. I would love to go on a road trip like that!!
Had planned a trip to VA next week, but brother had to postpone it. Not a good time to visit them. Mama was looking forward to it this time. By the time it suits my brother, my mom will probably be in a reclusive mood again. Maybe we will just take a day trip to the north GA mountains. Go get some fudge. Helen GA is only a few hrs away. Leaves haven't turned yet tho, probably wait a couple of weeks.
Linda, hope things get better with Pa. Sounds like he maybe did have a stroke. I hope some dr somewhere will order hospice for you. My mom's primary care dr is the directing dr for the hospice we use. The hospice nurse and I arranged it that way. I changed from mom's old dr to this one. It's true that most drs think the patient has to be dying to order hospice. they need to be educated on hospice care and what it's really for.
Diane, I feel your pain with your siblings and in laws. I think hanging up on them is a good idea. Whoops....battery is dying.....clink! Dr Phil says you teach people how to treat you. I believe it. I've taught my dils to treat me badly and now I'm paying for it. I'm going to start taking my own advice on that.

Gotta go for now. Love you all and big hugs to you.
ttyl

Sorry I miss all the night conversations! My Rls makes me too antsy to sit still at the computer very late. Haven't had much sleep this past month and it's catching up to me. Mostly it's mt legs and yes, Cricket, that darn restless mind that won't go to sleep. I'm luckier than most in the fact that Mom sleeps all night. She was always a good sleeper. I guess having 7 kids wore her out at the end of every day. Now she is in bed by 7:30 and doesn't get up until after 9 most mornings. But, she does hols her breath a lot during the night. For some reason she clamps her mouth shut and struggles for breath, puffing her cheeks full of air until her mouth just explodes with a huge mouth fart. Very annoying now, but was scary when she first started doing this. So my alarm is set to go off around 7 every morning so that I can go and roll her onto her side. She will breath normally this way. I can't put her to bed on her side because she ends up with fluid settled on her left side if she stays on it too long. Her left arm swells and her face gets pockets of fluid under the eye. I do have an infrared camera in her bedroom and check on her when I am up during the night. Beats having to put on a light and go into her room.
Lex and Chris are heading out for upstate New York today. Just an overnight trip back to where he spent summers with his paternal grandparents when he was a kid. So I am in charge of their 5 cats until tomorrow night. That means diapering Shivers 3 or 4 times a day. She's their "handicat".
Linda, Hope all the meds help your Pa feel better. Don't feel bad about the stroke. Nothing you can do at this point except keep him happy and comfortable. And we all know how good you are at that! Hope he sleeps a lot and you can get some rest too.
Lilli, Good advice to Linda about hospice! Checking into the coconut oil thing you wrote me about. Thanks!!
Diane, they are so right! Hang up on the b!tch. You don't need anymore crap from them. Cut yourself a break and don't let them get to you!
Kuli, Hoping you can get some help soon!
Annt, How are you doing?
Cricket, I can't do alcohol either! Gets my legs moving big time!
Kim, Mom was taking her pullups off too!!! try putting a pair of his undies over them. When he goes to take them off, he might think twice if he sees them instead of the diaper. mom was picking at the plastic on her Wellness diapers and shredding the stuffing all over, so I took Barb's advice and put a pair of her cotton undies over the plastic and now she feels that instead and leaves the diaper alone. Noting worse than a bed full of shredded diaper filling!
Barb, Rossella, Worries about paying for fuel here this winter. It cost almost $7000 to heat this place last year. The 2 rents coming in just won't cut it, so they will have to chip in more $$ this winter. I just ordered one of those electric stoves with the fake logs. Should be here tomorrow. It is reported as the best on the market for the $100 price tag and supposedly heats a larger area more efficiently than most, without adding too much to the electric bill. We'll see! If we like it we will get 2 more and use theses instead of burning oil and gas.
I just turned 60 and my husband will be 63 in a few weeks. he is already out of work and collecting unemployment since February. He is having a hard time finding anything because of his age and the fact that so many people are looking for work. As long as I am caring for Mom, I can't get a job either. We're struggling with so many bills and health issues, but we also realize how lucky we are compared to so many others right now. I guess we all have to count our blessings while we can. Even when things are at their blackest, we just have to look over our shoulders to see someone who is worse off than us. It breaks my heart to see soo many struggling in this "great" country of ours.
Okay, done with my sermon for the day. I hope we all get some peace soon. God knows we have paid our dues! Got to get Mom up for the day. Many errands to run when Merry gets here at 11.