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Barbara, So sorry your brothers are such asses, but you did your mom proud! Set up that ping pong table and have some fun! Got off to a bad start today. Forgot to give the driver Mom's pills for daycare, so now I have to make a half hour trip to drop them off! This daycare does not keep a days worth on hand when they send the bottles home for more. Kind of stupid as it is so easy to forget. At least they would have had a day for backup! Then I was supposed to put out my donation for Big Brothers, clothes, shoes, household items, I forgot and the truck pulled up right after I got back from dropping Mom off at the van pickup site. I feel bad that they drove by here for nothing. Diane, Don't let your family get to you! Don't communicate with them unless you absolutely have to. They are not worth the the added stress! Kim and Rossella, got to love those animals! I have 4 cats and my daughter is adopting her 6th in a couple weeks. They are the best company and love us no matter what. I don't know how many times a day their antics make us giggle!!! They can be very frustrating and obnoxious at times, but I don't know what I would do without them. Jen, How are you doing? Kuli, Any luck on finding help? Bobbie!!!!! Okay, need to get going so I can drop off Mom's meds before noon! Maybe I'll get some lunch at Panera. Think I can afford that!
Rosella, your post had me rolling wit laughter. Hannah and I were talking about why are dogs and cats don't kill anything. Hannah said it was because they grew up seeing me trying to save everything and now they just think that is the way to go! LOL I can't even kill a bug! I once washed an ant down the sink and apologized to it and felt horrible the entire day! I have been this way since I was a child. Hannah is this way too! Poor little mouse. Either depressed or directionally challenged! LOL These little Piney Squirrels are so cute! Of course I will let it go......just saying...No it will go. I think you are right though, it wants to live here! Hugs to you! Kim
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. ---To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried face down.'
Hello again my dear friends. We arrived back here late last night and I slept a full night in my bed for the first time in weeks. This is very sad, venting stuff. Don't read it if you are sad. Move on to the jokes. Jokes are good. ------- Mom died Saturday early afternoon. Daughter Tori and I were turning Mom to her side when she took her last breath. I was making a joke about turning her left and how she wasn't going to be liking it because she was an uber-conservative Republican. I don't know why the Hospice nurse, who arrived about 40 minutes after Mom passed, insisted she had a slight pulse for the next hour and refused to make the call. Her heart had stopped. There was no breathing. None of us had felt a pulse. Mom was clearly gone. It was during this uncomfortable interval that I remarked how difficult Mom was with me her whole life and there was no reason her dying should be any different. Daughter and I both swear we saw a slight smile on her pale, still face when I said this. I sent daughter out while the nurse and I bathed Mom and made her ready to leave. I made my calls. I had a spread sheet list ready so there was no fumbling and fretting. About 4 hours later the very nice man came and took her away. I didn't watch. I want to forever remember that smile. He shrouded her in the pink sheet that was her favorite, the one my husband had pulled over her face, and he walked with her to the van. A friend came over with a pie. We put Moms favorite coverlet - one my children had used, in the wash, and cleaned up her room. We left driving for Georgia early Sunday. It's 12 hours. We stopped at the funeral home en-route and finalized arrangements. Gave them the beautiful ice pink gown and shoes and lingerie Mom wanted to be buried in. The FH people were kind and gracious and exceedingly Southern. My other daughters and their men and my grandson were waiting with food, strong drink and hugs when we arrived. Neither daughter Tori nor I had slept much Saturday night nor could we Sunday. Disturbing images re Mom's final morning I won't detail here. Monday morning I called everyone else on my list. Social Security said we did not have to refund her September check. I made her repeat this 3 times. They will contact Medicare so I didn't have to do that. They do not require a death certificate. Moms two other government pensions - civil service and military -do require the death cert, as does her Blue Cross. I also called her banks. It wasn't until Monday late afternoon that we got the word Mom was finally on a flight to Atlanta. her doctor - that she had seen only once - wouldn't sign the death certificate so there was a delay. I still don't know who signed it. Went over to the cemetery to pay and let my dad know Mom was coming. On Tuesday I took my daughters and grandson shopping for proper funeral clothes and shoes. I have gained an enormous amount of weight in the last few months and really needed something decent as well. Daughters found me an A-line Calvin Klein dress that fit perfectly. We'd learned Wednesday was not only Moms funeral but also Alzheimer's Awareness day, and folks were to wear purple. I got a purple sweater jacket. Grandsons suit had a purple striped shirt. Tori wore purple feather earrings, Bianca a purple necklace, and Jess a purple hair clip. Flowers arrived from my friend in Switzerland. I called my BIL the medical school anatomy professor, my nurse friend in California and my nurse friend in Virginia and all agreed Mom actually passed when we said she did and the Hospice nurse must have been feeling her own pulse. There were other physical indications that she was dead as well. I had been working on her Eulogy since before Mom died. I loved my Mom, perhaps never a much as I did in those final days, but she was not as easy person to like in the 55 years we spent together, and I try never to speak falsely, so it was important to me to not be all kittens and unicorns, but yet to accentuate the positive aspects of her and her life. I was and am very proud of the Eulogy as it turned out, and I believe she would have enjoyed it. Composing it for 'public' consumption was one of the hardest tasks in all of this. Also, my brothers were expected - the Eulogy was important as I didn't want my youngest brother to hijack the service. My youngest brother hijacked the service. He came to Moms house that morning - a place he had avoided since January 2006, and was affable enough. He had by all reports the strong odor of alcohol about him. I didn't notice but others did. Grandson in the small living room running wild kept our attention focused. I led the procession to the cemetery. Some old friends came having seen the obit so we had 25 in all. Heavy rainstorms were forecast so I'd moved the graveside to a mausoleum chapel on the grounds. My brothers and their wives formed a receiving line while I put Moms picture on her casket. The casket and flowers I'd chosen - yet not seen - were perfect. (The funeral home honored the Memorial Society price - though they didn't have to as Mom's membership was not yet 30 days. They also sold me the casket vault for half the price the cemetery wanted. all told saving us nearly $3000. Lovely family owned business). My older brother looked grim - and very old. He hugged my neck as I went through their receiving line and never said a kind word to me, nor to my daughters. He was merely polite. When time came for the service and I called everyone to sit my younger brother came up and showed me the "program" he'd dashed off on hotel stationary. I was not surprised, yet I was. "I'll be opening with a prayer and a few words, and then you can do your eulogy, and then I'll close with a hymn," he instructed. "Really?" I asked incredulously. "Really," the very self-important former Navy commander who had not so much as phoned his mother in more than 5 years replied sternly. For a half second I considered a Jerry Springer type scene, wherein I thrashed him with the casket spray and the daughters joined in with their lovely folding chairs being bashed over his head. But then I took my seat, because Mom would have wanted it that way and I was too exhausted to fight. He opened with an attempt at a joke that no one laughed at. Seriously. And a bit of scripture I'm not sure what and a unison version of the Lord's Prayer no one but he seemed to know. but at least it was all very brief. When he finished I did my Eulogy, about 10 minutes, and then I sat and he led us in Amazing Grace - if he'd known Mom at all he would have known she'd preferred How Great Thou Art. I announced some of us were going to the burial but no one was expected to go down. Most all did anyway as the sun had come out and it was blazing hot. First time I'd ever been to a graveside in which they didn't have the elevator 'thingie' set up, but instead Moms casket was roped to a backhoe, and 4 men were guiding it in. It was quite a show, and I believe the backhoe operator was new. Mom swung here and there and back and forth for quite a few minutes before they got it right. I like to think she had something to do with them having such a hard time. Daughters and I each threw a flower in before they began filling, and then my precious SIL decided Mom needed a key to her house as well, and worked frantically to get his key off his chain, and did so just in time. We left then and went back to Moms house. No brothers came. One of my girlfriends told me she'd offered my youngest brother's wife her condolences, and inquired if they'd been able to visit Mom much. She said they'd wanted to but the pressures of brothers new job didn't allow it. She asked how long he'd had the new job and was told 3 years. This is the same brother who flies to Florida once a month, and 2 years ago spent 10 days in Hawaii. Husband took me to the beach next day. We stopped at three family cemeteries en route down in south Alabama and I took many pictures. The hotel my daughter had recommended and booked online was a horrible, depressing, suicidal basement hole, and I went to the manager, burst into tears, and they booked us into another property nearby in a flash that was an excellent, upscale place. We drank beer on the beach and played in the waves and looked across the ocean from our 12th floor balcony stayed 2 nights and the weather was perfect. Back home we checked on Mom a final time and it didn't hurt me overly much to leave her there, as Daddy and Granddaddy and Granny were right there with her, and her siblings nearby. Moms wedding band fits my finger as if it were made for me, its 7 small diamonds representing to me those family members I love most. I don't plan to take it off until it one day passes to my eldest, whom Mom loved the most. I found a man on craigslist whose wife has cancer and who doesn't have health insurance. We don't have health insurance. We are driving up Saturday to take them the hospital bed, the wheelchair, all of the supplies that were Mom's. I haven't gone back in her room. Eldest daughter gave me sage to burn to purify and renew the space, and I will do that too on Saturday - and if it'll fit, set up the ping pong table for some much needed laughter and exercise. I truly believe Mom would like that.
As soon as I posted, the posts appeared. Justme: my mother does the some performances with her poop as your mother. She does it at early morning, when I sleep, because of course we try to stop her before she does it. As far as your brother is concerned, welcome to the club! My brother is one of the "best" ones. He comes every 3 weeks, he stays 2 hours and then he disappears in the Nothingness, He never calls. At least, he doesn't piss me off explaining me how I have to take care of our mother. Did your mother pee in a tea cup? She has a good aim! Let her try with a coffee cup. She could win a championship! Cricket, my dogs and cats are very very very spoiled, too. Everyone of them has his preferences and I try to make all of them happy. I have just 2 dogs who eat whatever I give them and I am very thankful for that. What made me laugh is that Linda's cat bit her because she wasn't ready to give him the tuna. My cats use the strategy of screaming, calling, complaining, but they don't bite! Do you want to know what I would do in your Marvel Palace? I would give every sick relative a sleeping pill, and when everyone is KO, I would drink (alcoholic) and eat as much as I can and I would go to sleep on one of these beds. Kim, your house seems so wonderful with all these pacifist pets. I think the squirrel has choosen to live with you. Why wouldn't he? Try to train him to the cat litter... and he could be a nice new pet in your house. I am kidding but I feel very jealous... I am a pacifist too and I dream of a situation like this... You don't know how many birds and mice and lizards and little snakes I have tried to save from my cats. If I am here, I manage to save 90% of them. I saved a suicidal mouse, once. I found him surrounded by 4 or 5 cats, he was cornered and he was so scared! I gave him a cardboard box, he went in, I closed the box and took it outside, in the garden. I opened the box and what do you think he did? Instead of running away as far as he could, he came back into my house!!!!!! I blessed him and I told him: "I am sorry for you, brother!" Linda, if your dog digs holes, tolerate! Dogs dig holes. Kisses everybody else!
Diane. I got the stupid error message! Ghandi said "Nobody can hurt me without my permission" Don't give them the satisfaction! You know who you are. Even though they are related to you they don't know you! They see what they want to see and live in their narrow delusional little worlds. Stay strong! We need you here! Holding your hand and hugging you. Much love to you! Kim
If I knew my mother would be taken care off, I would blow my brains out tonight and get this over with. I am so tired of being hurt by my family. It's not even caring for mom that's pushing me over the edge. It's my family treating my like a thief and a million other horrible things.
Deef-with the squirrel running around the house, I really feel like it's Grey Gardens! LOL Dad's insurance is different than ours so the ER thing with him might work. That is if he will go. He is just so damn stubborn. Probably have to call an ambulance to get him! I just wish he could realize that everything we do is for his own good. He makes me feel like we are the enemy! Ugh Hope things are better with you! Feels like movie Ground Hog Day too! I felt like that when I was pregnant with my daughter and that movie was on all the time when I was pregnant. Guess what day she was born on? Drumroll....Ground Hog Day! LOL hugs :) Kim
Cricket, while you're dreamin dream me up a bunch of money. That cabin sounds wonderful. You find it and let me know and I'll meet you there. Kuli, I've used a lady that's a CNA and she only chgd $8-10 an hr. Only had the money to use her once, but that tells me there are ones out there that would love to do it. Some are retired RNs still young enough to work and need the money.I've talked to a few. Just can't afford it right now. Still haven't paid my property taxes. Cuz, I got the email about the ipad. Funny picture! Thanks.
Gonna watch Dancing with the Stars now. Back later.
Cricket-that is a beautiful place that you described. It would be great if we could make it happen! Ideal. You write and describe so beautifully!
Dad is doing a little better today. Last night he came and sat in the family room for a bit. He ate a half sandwich and drank more Boost. He took off dirty depends and put it in the washer! Slept again most of the day. He is on flomax and I think that is making him go to the bathroom more than ever. Glad I caught the depends in the dryer before I put the wash in. What a mess that would have been.
Linda, how is your Pa. Didn't sound good this morning. You can keep the urine in the fridge for a few days and it will be ok. Let us know how he is doing.
Lilli-the staff at the doc's office act like they are protctecting their King or something! So bizarre! Doc Brown was our doc too. I have a feeling we will have to find a new one soon. This change in the staff's attitude is just BS. We have known most of them for years and this is how we get treated? We cannot even go to the ER unless we call our insurance company first. How bizarre is that? My husband is a Respiratory Therapist at Community Hospital for 27 years and I worked there 12 years doing Neuropsych testing and worked on the adolescent psych unit for three years there. I am vested there, do I can draw retirement in three years. This is how the employees are treated. What a crock! Any doc we go to has to be within the Community system. We have a flex account, and that is money we put in ourselves, but whenever we get prescriptions, go to the doc, whatever, they send us a form so we have to provide proof to them. Crazy!
Got the squirrel trap today! Drove up to Feed and Seed. Some woman came running out saying they weren't open. There was a fire there on July 29. They are working on the building to get back in business by December. One of the owners walked out and asked me what I was looking for and they had some stored in their flower store "The Back Porch". He found one and sold it to me. The woman was being really pissy and he just ignored her! Ha Ha Hannah saw the squirrel this morning drinking out of the dog's water dish! Evidently the dogs just stared at it with no reaction. This little squirrel is probably a friend of theirs! I am just waiting for the trap to go off! Then I will let it go some place far away. Never ends!
Kuli I will come join you in the hole! At least we will be together. Anybody else we will find you! Maybe with all our energies joined, we will be able to lift each other out.
Thought I would choose a happy image for a change. Hope you all enjoy! Cricket, Where did you live in New England? I'm in central Mass. just east of Quabbin Reservoir. Love the peaceful winters here. Not one for the heat of summer. Although I must admit, my trip to Seattle to visit Rip in June, Makes me want to go back for more!! Your dad's craving for sweets is natural in the elderly. Did you know that it is the last sense of taste to go? Been to Florida 5 times and didn't like the heat or the landscape. Love my N.E. Linda, Mom leans back like Pa. She goes back on her heels with her toes up and just falls back! The rigidity is starting to show up more because of her PD. You should see me trying to get her to bend and sit in the car sometimes! Not fun at all! Kuli, Do they have a message board at the hospital where you work? Put up a notice for home health aid. There are always CNA's looking for extra income and they really love working in a private home as opposed to NHs. They may even know some out of work CNA's looking for some hours. Usually you can get away with paying them a lot less than a service, and they are much nicer. When Merry first started helping Mom, I paid her $8/hour under the table. It was all I could afford and she needed the $$. The services want at least $20/hour and they don't do too much. Kim, If you can't get your dad an appointment, take him to the ER. Jazz up his symptoms a bit and let them do a workup on him. Grey Gardens, wow, loved the movie! Justme, we are all orphans here, or wish we were. I have 6 sibs and never see them! Doggie, Mom rarely pees on the toilet anymore. She will be sitting on it and I will tell her to go pee, and she gets up to go in the bedroom. Has no clue! M'smom, Long ride for you. Hope all went well and you can get some rest. Cricket, I like your get-away! But with all that good food, you had better add a gym and a nice lake with trails for walking. Oh yeah! How about hot air balloon rides in the early morning to watch the sun rise!
I'm picturing a big room that is like a lodge made out of logs with an open Hearth for a fireplace in the middle with recliner massage chairs all around the fireplace. There are really nice Hospital beds made up like cozy warm beds at home in the corners of the room, each corner has 4 beds, two for patients and two for their caregivers. Off to each side of every corner adjacent to the beds there is a nice large handicapped bathroom with a shower and sauna area. It's all decorated in warm tiles from the ceiling to the floor. It's stocked with nice thick towels and personal care items of every kind. Down the long side of one wall between the two sauna rooms is a beautiful open kitchen with hot apple cidar brewing on the cooktop stove and fresh brewed coffee always ready with all the different kinds of creams and sweetners. The counters are lined with baskets with fresh baked breads and pastries of every kind. Napkins and utinsils are wrapped and ready for use with any kind of dish one might require. On both sides of the counters there are Refrigerators with glass doors displaying tubs filled with beautiful fresh fruits cut up in bite sizes, homemade jello's and puddings, many different kinds of fresh salads. In the middle of the kitchen there is the grill and ovens. Beef roasts, pork and chicken are slow cooking in the ovens, also there are potatoes and casseroles baking. On the grill there are fresh veggies, grilled cheese sandwiches, BLT's, cooking. Cook on duty 24/7. Between the ovens and grill there is a full bar where you can get cappuccinos, lattes, hot chocolate all topped with whipped creams and sprinkled with spices. All other non-alcohol drinks are ready made and in the bar cooler just waiting to be picked up. Across the room on the other side there is a large open bar where every kind of Alcoholic drink is available. Bartender 24/7. There are nice cozy sitting tables and chairs for everyone to sit and chat. Now the rest of this story is up to you guys. What are we doing?
Black hole is awful enticing these days! Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we were all there together. Need to make some major changes but don't have the time to do it. Just want to pull the covers over my head and hide for awhile. Kuli
Rain and T-storms here too...pup is vocalizing his complaints. Yucky, dark, autumn weather brings black holes with it I think....
msm: good to see you peeking in...hope all is settling down for you.
cricket: Pallaitive care means comfort care. In other words, there is no possibility of a "cure" for a condition so they treat the symptoms and keep the patient comfortable. For example, if your parent broke his or her leg, they could go to the hospital and have it set, etc. and still be on hospice. However, if your parent has cancer and seeks chemo or radiation as treatment, then they would no longer qualify because it is "curative" care. They also include "failure to thrive" as a condition. If the parent is no longer eating, drinking, and is losing weight this is a qualifying condition. Hospice care can take place anywhere, including your home. Btw, if your parent qualifies, they also have a pharmacy deliver the meds which is covered by hospice too. There are websites that list the types of ailments that qualify. They mainly look at "decline" over the last 12 months and quality of life activities that they can no longer do. That is why it is important to document all the things that you see on a daily basis.
Kim: the new doc sounds like a pill....so sad when you lose a good doc...may be time for a new one. I know it's hard to change over, but well worth it in the long run. Your dad's symptoms sound serious. I hope you get to the bottom of it. That's why I kept the UTI strips at home. At least you can rule out a UTI and move on to the real cause. I noticed, too, that not all docs are elderly oriented. Mom had a doc who was knowledgeable, but her front office made it clear that they did not want to deal with "icky old people." One time the snotty recep. told me to take Mom to the ER for a minor ailment. I switched to a new doc the next day. Maybe you can get a referral from the head nurse at your hospital. I have had good luck doing that. It is hard enough being a caregiver without being treated disrespectfully by these little toads.
Everyone take two steps back from the black hole and look for the disco ball I'm sending your way.
Morning turned into Afternoon here, It's been raining all day. Linda the RMS only gets worse when I drink Alcohol.. I'm ADHD and seditives make me surper hyper. It's a lifelong issue with me and I just do the best I can. So Sorry your Pa is having such a hard time. About storing the urine, you might want to call your local lab or any lab around and ask them, that way you know for sure. I wasn't aware of the UTI strips until Lili mentioned them. I would be pissed to if Dad's doctor acted like that, you are right in dumping his ass. Linda stay away from that Black Hole.... where is Jen? It's been lingering around me as well but I'm not gonna give in. Lilli you are a GOLD MINE of information!! Could you explain what "Palliative" means a little more? I need to tap into your knowledge! Kim, how's your Dad doing today? How are you coping? Any news on the little critters? My Lucky bug is freaking out today because of the Thunderstorms, as usual. I'm going to throw all the dogs in with Dad and tell the Hubby I'm off to another Pharmacy/Store run and get a breather while doing that. I used to hate the Pharmacy runs 3 times a week but now I look forward to them, well the ones that Dad doesn't insist on going with.. bbl, love you all. xxxxxoooooo
thanks lili ! got pa s samples . allblood mix with pee :( so so sad . he ate all his bfast but wouldnt drink so i got him a straw and held the cup for him , i had him drink ice water alot yesterday with straw . seems he can drink it better . geeze im seeing black hole over there . kept turnin my head away . weathers gloomey and sprinkled on and off . windy out ... blah . hope the doc calls me soon to say he order a lab . i use his old doc cuz i couldnt find my new doc s ph number ! she hasnt seen him yet , suppose see him monday but i couldnt put it off any longer so used his hitler doc to order a lab . i would just shit my pant if he says no . then i ll find my new doc s number . hey does anybody know anything about keepin piss fresh till its time to tak eit to the lab ? my oldest sis said i can store it in ref ?
Hi all....so sorry to hear about all the serious parent health issues...been through most of them...Linda, good for you for switching docs....like anything else, if you are not getting good service, move on!
Re UTIs: Mom was getting them all the time. She has PD and the nurse just hands her a cup and points to the bathroom. Poor Mom could not catch a sample because of her shaking. I asked the nurse to give her a "hat" that fits on the toilet to catch the sample, she starts bickering with me. I gathered Mom up and left. Doc calls me later in the day to ask what happened. Told him, politely, that his nurse should not be working with the elderly. At least he called and listened. Now, I insist on a "hat" when they need a sample. (Another doc wanted to catheterize her just to get a sample!! OMG) Now, I am all about prevention. UTIs are caused by a lack of fluids, bacteria, and too much sugar. Mom was worried about the expense of pads (!) I told her to change them as often as needed. Also washing the "nether regions" with a mild solution of vinegar water kills bacteria. I tried to get more fluids into her and get her to go to the bathroom as often as she could. As a preventative, pure cranberry juice works really well, spiked with a little apple juice. You want to avoid the brands that add sugar. I bought the UTI test strips at the drugstore to make sure she had an UTI. Also, check on the visiting nurses program in your area. They can do a lot of things and it saves you unnecessary trips to the doc.
Hospice: Check into the hospice programs in your state. They all interpret the benefit differently, but your parent does not need to be near death to have hospice care. The way it was explained to me (by a hospice co.) is that if a person is not seeking a curative treatment, and has one of the 13 or so ailments (Alz. is one of them) they can qualify for palliative (ie: comfort) care. "Another common hospice diagnosis is ‘Adult Failure to Thrive’. This is diagnosed when a patient experiences symptoms such as weight loss and weakness. Your disease doesn’t have to be terminal for you to qualify for palliative care and, in the U.S., many palliative treatments are covered by Medicare." A good friend told me about this. He cared for his grandmother. She was on hospice for the last year of her life. There are 6mo. intervals, wherein the patient is evaluated, but the care can go on indefinitely. In our state, you can have an aide for up to 3 times a week, and a nurse comes as needed. It really helps cut down on trips to the doc, because the nurse can relay symptoms to the doc and the doc can prescribe over the phone. They even have mobile xray machines. Also, they pay for any equipment related to comfort care, including incont. pads, chair cushions, hospital beds, etc. Also, they can arrange for home visits by PTs, podiatrists, etc. As I said, each state interprets this benefit differently. My absolute best advice is to get a reliable recommendation to a good hospice co. and then talk to the director. They will tell you if your parent can qualify. They will also direct you to a doctor who understands the process and how to correctly assess their conditions. This is very important! Also, write a letter outlining your parent's day-to-day limitations, issues with mobility, and anything he/she needs assistance with. Mention any devices they need such as a wheelchair, lift chair, walker, etc. The main thing that they are looking for is a "decline" in health over the last 12 months, so document everything. This helps the doc because he/she does not see your parent every day as you do. If the doc perscribes treatment, that is all you need. The only way they would be taken off, is if there is improvement in their condition and mobility.
good morning you all . changed pa a bit ago . watery pink blod filled up his diapers so is #2 . whiney as ever . cleaned him up and put urninal up there so i can catch some of it and take it to the lab , he is going to see a new dr monday (my doc) she done said bring him in and i ll order hospices . dad s doc says no . screw him ! he s not a friendly doc . looks like he is the son of hitler . dont like him at all . i ask for tramadol he got inmy face and said why ! i said well old age pains and aches , said to give him tyneol . what the hell ! no respect at all . prob think i want it for my self . hell i rather have something stronger than tramadol u bastard ! gawd he makes me sick . alrighty i need to get bfast a going . cricket i am so sorry u have RMS . i hate it when my mind just all the time run run run . did u have some beer to make it slow down and be on cloud nine ? mariesmom - hope ure all settled down and getting back into a normal routine . i hope ure good . big hugs to u dear . alrighty gotta play chef . love ya and have a happy day . xoxox
Can't sleep, I have RMS (restless mind syndrome), Kim your new icon is great. I loved your stories about your animals. The rescue one of the little kitten is amazing. You are doing good getting the protein drinks down your dad. I feel bad for both you and Linda with what you girls are going through with your dad's. When I was taking care of my friend Wilma out in Cali and it was really hard to get her to drink water and she needed to badly I got her to suck on ice chips, it was rather sneaky but I was desperate and it worked. I know that the UTI's are very common but sometimes it can be a bladder infection, whatever the case no one should have to go through that kind of treatment from the Drs. office! If at all possible try to get a new doctor. If you can't get your Dad into the Drs office maybe you can get the Doctor to authorize the Hospice Doctor to come to your home? I had to do that with my MIL years ago and it was a Godsend. I know you and Linda both are really worried about your Dads and my heart goes out to you both. I won't say "don't worry" cause I know you both will, but keep in mind that excessive worry doesn't fix the problem and it leaves you feeling exhausted. Linda I can tell you are beat tonight. (((HUGs))) Like AnnT says.. Tomorrow is another day", yeah I know Scarlet said it first.. I loved Mame the best in the movie. Nighty night all. xxoo
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Got off to a bad start today. Forgot to give the driver Mom's pills for daycare, so now I have to make a half hour trip to drop them off! This daycare does not keep a days worth on hand when they send the bottles home for more. Kind of stupid as it is so easy to forget. At least they would have had a day for backup! Then I was supposed to put out my donation for Big Brothers, clothes, shoes, household items, I forgot and the truck pulled up right after I got back from dropping Mom off at the van pickup site. I feel bad that they drove by here for nothing.
Diane, Don't let your family get to you! Don't communicate with them unless you absolutely have to. They are not worth the the added stress!
Kim and Rossella, got to love those animals! I have 4 cats and my daughter is adopting her 6th in a couple weeks. They are the best company and love us no matter what. I don't know how many times a day their antics make us giggle!!! They can be very frustrating and obnoxious at times, but I don't know what I would do without them.
Jen, How are you doing?
Kuli, Any luck on finding help?
Bobbie!!!!!
Okay, need to get going so I can drop off Mom's meds before noon!
Maybe I'll get some lunch at Panera. Think I can afford that!
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist
got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he
embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. ---To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried face down.'
And you know men won't ask for directions...
This is very sad, venting stuff. Don't read it if you are sad. Move on to the jokes. Jokes are good.
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Mom died Saturday early afternoon.
Daughter Tori and I were turning Mom to her side when she took her last breath. I was making a joke about turning her left and how she wasn't going to be liking it because she was an uber-conservative Republican. I don't know why the Hospice nurse, who arrived about 40 minutes after Mom passed, insisted she had a slight pulse for the next hour and refused to make the call. Her heart had stopped. There was no breathing. None of us had felt a pulse. Mom was clearly gone. It was during this uncomfortable interval that I remarked how difficult Mom was with me her whole life and there was no reason her dying should be any different. Daughter and I both swear we saw a slight smile on her pale, still face when I said this.
I sent daughter out while the nurse and I bathed Mom and made her ready to leave.
I made my calls. I had a spread sheet list ready so there was no fumbling and fretting.
About 4 hours later the very nice man came and took her away. I didn't watch. I want to forever remember that smile. He shrouded her in the pink sheet that was her favorite, the one my husband had pulled over her face, and he walked with her to the van.
A friend came over with a pie. We put Moms favorite coverlet - one my children had used, in the wash, and cleaned up her room.
We left driving for Georgia early Sunday. It's 12 hours. We stopped at the funeral home en-route and finalized arrangements. Gave them the beautiful ice pink gown and shoes and lingerie Mom wanted to be buried in. The FH people were kind and gracious and exceedingly Southern. My other daughters and their men and my grandson were waiting with food, strong drink and hugs when we arrived. Neither daughter Tori nor I had slept much Saturday night nor could we Sunday. Disturbing images re Mom's final morning I won't detail here.
Monday morning I called everyone else on my list. Social Security said we did not have to refund her September check. I made her repeat this 3 times. They will contact Medicare so I didn't have to do that. They do not require a death certificate. Moms two other government pensions - civil service and military -do require the death cert, as does her Blue Cross. I also called her banks.
It wasn't until Monday late afternoon that we got the word Mom was finally on a flight to Atlanta. her doctor - that she had seen only once - wouldn't sign the death certificate so there was a delay. I still don't know who signed it. Went over to the cemetery to pay and let my dad know Mom was coming.
On Tuesday I took my daughters and grandson shopping for proper funeral clothes and shoes. I have gained an enormous amount of weight in the last few months and really needed something decent as well. Daughters found me an A-line Calvin Klein dress that fit perfectly. We'd learned Wednesday was not only Moms funeral but also Alzheimer's Awareness day, and folks were to wear purple. I got a purple sweater jacket. Grandsons suit had a purple striped shirt. Tori wore purple feather earrings, Bianca a purple necklace, and Jess a purple hair clip.
Flowers arrived from my friend in Switzerland. I called my BIL the medical school anatomy professor, my nurse friend in California and my nurse friend in Virginia and all agreed Mom actually passed when we said she did and the Hospice nurse must have been feeling her own pulse. There were other physical indications that she was dead as well.
I had been working on her Eulogy since before Mom died. I loved my Mom, perhaps never a much as I did in those final days, but she was not as easy person to like in the 55 years we spent together, and I try never to speak falsely, so it was important to me to not be all kittens and unicorns, but yet to accentuate the positive aspects of her and her life. I was and am very proud of the Eulogy as it turned out, and I believe she would have enjoyed it. Composing it for 'public' consumption was one of the hardest tasks in all of this. Also, my brothers were expected - the Eulogy was important as I didn't want my youngest brother to hijack the service.
My youngest brother hijacked the service.
He came to Moms house that morning - a place he had avoided since January 2006, and was affable enough. He had by all reports the strong odor of alcohol about him. I didn't notice but others did. Grandson in the small living room running wild kept our attention focused.
I led the procession to the cemetery. Some old friends came having seen the obit so we had 25 in all. Heavy rainstorms were forecast so I'd moved the graveside to a mausoleum chapel on the grounds. My brothers and their wives formed a receiving line while I put Moms picture on her casket. The casket and flowers I'd chosen - yet not seen - were perfect. (The funeral home honored the Memorial Society price - though they didn't have to as Mom's membership was not yet 30 days. They also sold me the casket vault for half the price the cemetery wanted. all told saving us nearly $3000. Lovely family owned business).
My older brother looked grim - and very old. He hugged my neck as I went through their receiving line and never said a kind word to me, nor to my daughters. He was merely polite. When time came for the service and I called everyone to sit my younger brother came up and showed me the "program" he'd dashed off on hotel stationary. I was not surprised, yet I was.
"I'll be opening with a prayer and a few words, and then you can do your eulogy, and then I'll close with a hymn," he instructed.
"Really?" I asked incredulously.
"Really," the very self-important former Navy commander who had not so much as phoned his mother in more than 5 years replied sternly. For a half second I considered a Jerry Springer type scene, wherein I thrashed him with the casket spray and the daughters joined in with their lovely folding chairs being bashed over his head. But then I took my seat, because Mom would have wanted it that way and I was too exhausted to fight.
He opened with an attempt at a joke that no one laughed at. Seriously. And a bit of scripture I'm not sure what and a unison version of the Lord's Prayer no one but he seemed to know. but at least it was all very brief. When he finished I did my Eulogy, about 10 minutes, and then I sat and he led us in Amazing Grace - if he'd known Mom at all he would have known she'd preferred How Great Thou Art.
I announced some of us were going to the burial but no one was expected to go down. Most all did anyway as the sun had come out and it was blazing hot. First time I'd ever been to a graveside in which they didn't have the elevator 'thingie' set up, but instead Moms casket was roped to a backhoe, and 4 men were guiding it in. It was quite a show, and I believe the backhoe operator was new. Mom swung here and there and back and forth for quite a few minutes before they got it right. I like to think she had something to do with them having such a hard time. Daughters and I each threw a flower in before they began filling, and then my precious SIL decided Mom needed a key to her house as well, and worked frantically to get his key off his chain, and did so just in time.
We left then and went back to Moms house. No brothers came. One of my girlfriends told me she'd offered my youngest brother's wife her condolences, and inquired if they'd been able to visit Mom much. She said they'd wanted to but the pressures of brothers new job didn't allow it. She asked how long he'd had the new job and was told 3 years. This is the same brother who flies to Florida once a month, and 2 years ago spent 10 days in Hawaii.
Husband took me to the beach next day. We stopped at three family cemeteries en route down in south Alabama and I took many pictures. The hotel my daughter had recommended and booked online was a horrible, depressing, suicidal basement hole, and I went to the manager, burst into tears, and they booked us into another property nearby in a flash that was an excellent, upscale place. We drank beer on the beach and played in the waves and looked across the ocean from our 12th floor balcony stayed 2 nights and the weather was perfect. Back home we checked on Mom a final time and it didn't hurt me overly much to leave her there, as Daddy and Granddaddy and Granny were right there with her, and her siblings nearby.
Moms wedding band fits my finger as if it were made for me, its 7 small diamonds representing to me those family members I love most. I don't plan to take it off until it one day passes to my eldest, whom Mom loved the most.
I found a man on craigslist whose wife has cancer and who doesn't have health insurance. We don't have health insurance. We are driving up Saturday to take them the hospital bed, the wheelchair, all of the supplies that were Mom's. I haven't gone back in her room. Eldest daughter gave me sage to burn to purify and renew the space, and I will do that too on Saturday - and if it'll fit, set up the ping pong table for some much needed laughter and exercise. I truly believe Mom would like that.
Justme: my mother does the some performances with her poop as your mother. She does it at early morning, when I sleep, because of course we try to stop her before she does it. As far as your brother is concerned, welcome to the club! My brother is one of the "best" ones. He comes every 3 weeks, he stays 2 hours and then he disappears in the Nothingness, He never calls. At least, he doesn't piss me off explaining me how I have to take care of our mother. Did your mother pee in a tea cup? She has a good aim! Let her try with a coffee cup. She could win a championship!
Cricket, my dogs and cats are very very very spoiled, too. Everyone of them has his preferences and I try to make all of them happy. I have just 2 dogs who eat whatever I give them and I am very thankful for that. What made me laugh is that Linda's cat bit her because she wasn't ready to give him the tuna. My cats use the strategy of screaming, calling, complaining, but they don't bite!
Do you want to know what I would do in your Marvel Palace? I would give every sick relative a sleeping pill, and when everyone is KO, I would drink (alcoholic) and eat as much as I can and I would go to sleep on one of these beds.
Kim, your house seems so wonderful with all these pacifist pets. I think the squirrel has choosen to live with you. Why wouldn't he? Try to train him to the cat litter... and he could be a nice new pet in your house. I am kidding but I feel very jealous... I am a pacifist too and I dream of a situation like this... You don't know how many birds and mice and lizards and little snakes I have tried to save from my cats. If I am here, I manage to save 90% of them. I saved a suicidal mouse, once. I found him surrounded by 4 or 5 cats, he was cornered and he was so scared! I gave him a cardboard box, he went in, I closed the box and took it outside, in the garden. I opened the box and what do you think he did? Instead of running away as far as he could, he came back into my house!!!!!! I blessed him and I told him: "I am sorry for you, brother!"
Linda, if your dog digs holes, tolerate! Dogs dig holes.
Kisses everybody else!
Hope things are better with you! Feels like movie Ground Hog Day too! I felt like that when I was pregnant with my daughter and that movie was on all the time when I was pregnant. Guess what day she was born on? Drumroll....Ground Hog Day! LOL hugs :) Kim
Kuli, I've used a lady that's a CNA and she only chgd $8-10 an hr. Only had the money to use her once, but that tells me there are ones out there that would love to do it. Some are retired RNs still young enough to work and need the money.I've talked to a few. Just can't afford it right now. Still haven't paid my property taxes.
Cuz, I got the email about the ipad. Funny picture! Thanks.
Gonna watch Dancing with the Stars now. Back later.
Love you all.
Dad is doing a little better today. Last night he came and sat in the family room for a bit. He ate a half sandwich and drank more Boost. He took off dirty depends and put it in the washer! Slept again most of the day. He is on flomax and I think that is making him go to the bathroom more than ever. Glad I caught the depends in the dryer before I put the wash in. What a mess that would have been.
Linda, how is your Pa. Didn't sound good this morning. You can keep the urine in the fridge for a few days and it will be ok. Let us know how he is doing.
Lilli-the staff at the doc's office act like they are protctecting their King or something! So bizarre! Doc Brown was our doc too. I have a feeling we will have to find a new one soon. This change in the staff's attitude is just BS. We have known most of them for years and this is how we get treated? We cannot even go to the ER unless we call our insurance company first. How bizarre is that? My husband is a Respiratory Therapist at Community Hospital for 27 years and I worked there 12 years doing Neuropsych testing and worked on the adolescent psych unit for three years there. I am vested there, do I can draw retirement in three years. This is how the employees are treated. What a crock! Any doc we go to has to be within the Community system. We have a flex account, and that is money we put in ourselves, but whenever we get prescriptions, go to the doc, whatever, they send us a form so we have to provide proof to them. Crazy!
Got the squirrel trap today! Drove up to Feed and Seed. Some woman came running out saying they weren't open. There was a fire there on July 29. They are working on the building to get back in business by December. One of the owners walked out and asked me what I was looking for and they had some stored in their flower store "The Back Porch". He found one and sold it to me. The woman was being really pissy and he just ignored her! Ha Ha
Hannah saw the squirrel this morning drinking out of the dog's water dish! Evidently the dogs just stared at it with no reaction. This little squirrel is probably a friend of theirs! I am just waiting for the trap to go off! Then I will let it go some place far away. Never ends!
Kuli I will come join you in the hole! At least we will be together. Anybody else we will find you! Maybe with all our energies joined, we will be able to lift each other out.
Love you all! Kim
Cricket, Where did you live in New England? I'm in central Mass. just east of Quabbin Reservoir. Love the peaceful winters here. Not one for the heat of summer. Although I must admit, my trip to Seattle to visit Rip in June, Makes me want to go back for more!! Your dad's craving for sweets is natural in the elderly. Did you know that it is the last sense of taste to go? Been to Florida 5 times and didn't like the heat or the landscape. Love my N.E.
Linda, Mom leans back like Pa. She goes back on her heels with her toes up and just falls back! The rigidity is starting to show up more because of her PD. You should see me trying to get her to bend and sit in the car sometimes! Not fun at all!
Kuli, Do they have a message board at the hospital where you work? Put up a notice for home health aid. There are always CNA's looking for extra income and they really love working in a private home as opposed to NHs. They may even know some out of work CNA's looking for some hours. Usually you can get away with paying them a lot less than a service, and they are much nicer. When Merry first started helping Mom, I paid her $8/hour under the table. It was all I could afford and she needed the $$. The services want at least $20/hour and they don't do too much.
Kim, If you can't get your dad an appointment, take him to the ER. Jazz up his symptoms a bit and let them do a workup on him. Grey Gardens, wow, loved the movie!
Justme, we are all orphans here, or wish we were. I have 6 sibs and never see them!
Doggie, Mom rarely pees on the toilet anymore. She will be sitting on it and I will tell her to go pee, and she gets up to go in the bedroom. Has no clue!
M'smom, Long ride for you. Hope all went well and you can get some rest.
Cricket, I like your get-away! But with all that good food, you had better add a gym and a nice lake with trails for walking. Oh yeah! How about hot air balloon rides in the early morning to watch the sun rise!
The fish is to represent a nickname an old friend had for me "big mouth bass". Unknowingly it's appropriate again :0
msm: good to see you peeking in...hope all is settling down for you.
cricket: Pallaitive care means comfort care. In other words, there is no possibility of a "cure" for a condition so they treat the symptoms and keep the patient comfortable. For example, if your parent broke his or her leg, they could go to the hospital and have it set, etc. and still be on hospice. However, if your parent has cancer and seeks chemo or radiation as treatment, then they would no longer qualify because it is "curative" care. They also include "failure to thrive" as a condition. If the parent is no longer eating, drinking, and is losing weight this is a qualifying condition.
Hospice care can take place anywhere, including your home. Btw, if your parent qualifies, they also have a pharmacy deliver the meds which is covered by hospice too.
There are websites that list the types of ailments that qualify. They mainly look at "decline" over the last 12 months and quality of life activities that they can no longer do. That is why it is important to document all the things that you see on a daily basis.
Kim: the new doc sounds like a pill....so sad when you lose a good doc...may be time for a new one. I know it's hard to change over, but well worth it in the long run. Your dad's symptoms sound serious. I hope you get to the bottom of it. That's why I kept the UTI strips at home. At least you can rule out a UTI and move on to the real cause. I noticed, too, that not all docs are elderly oriented. Mom had a doc who was knowledgeable, but her front office made it clear that they did not want to deal with "icky old people." One time the snotty recep. told me to take Mom to the ER for a minor ailment. I switched to a new doc the next day. Maybe you can get a referral from the head nurse at your hospital. I have had good luck doing that. It is hard enough being a caregiver without being treated disrespectfully by these little toads.
Everyone take two steps back from the black hole and look for the disco ball I'm sending your way.
Lilli you are a GOLD MINE of information!! Could you explain what "Palliative" means a little more? I need to tap into your knowledge!
Kim, how's your Dad doing today? How are you coping? Any news on the little critters? My Lucky bug is freaking out today because of the Thunderstorms, as usual. I'm going to throw all the dogs in with Dad and tell the Hubby I'm off to another Pharmacy/Store run and get a breather while doing that. I used to hate the Pharmacy runs 3 times a week but now I look forward to them, well the ones that Dad doesn't insist on going with.. bbl, love you all. xxxxxoooooo
got pa s samples . allblood mix with pee :( so so sad . he ate all his bfast but wouldnt drink so i got him a straw and held the cup for him , i had him drink ice water alot yesterday with straw . seems he can drink it better .
geeze im seeing black hole over there . kept turnin my head away . weathers gloomey and sprinkled on and off . windy out ... blah . hope the doc calls me soon to say he order a lab . i use his old doc cuz i couldnt find my new doc s ph number ! she hasnt seen him yet , suppose see him monday but i couldnt put it off any longer so used his hitler doc to order a lab . i would just shit my pant if he says no . then i ll find my new doc s number .
hey does anybody know anything about keepin piss fresh till its time to tak eit to the lab ? my oldest sis said i can store it in ref ?
Re UTIs: Mom was getting them all the time. She has PD and the nurse just hands her a cup and points to the bathroom. Poor Mom could not catch a sample because of her shaking. I asked the nurse to give her a "hat" that fits on the toilet to catch the sample, she starts bickering with me. I gathered Mom up and left. Doc calls me later in the day to ask what happened. Told him, politely, that his nurse should not be working with the elderly. At least he called and listened. Now, I insist on a "hat" when they need a sample. (Another doc wanted to catheterize her just to get a sample!! OMG)
Now, I am all about prevention. UTIs are caused by a lack of fluids, bacteria, and too much sugar. Mom was worried about the expense of pads (!) I told her to change them as often as needed. Also washing the "nether regions" with a mild solution of vinegar water kills bacteria. I tried to get more fluids into her and get her to go to the bathroom as often as she could. As a preventative, pure cranberry juice works really well, spiked with a little apple juice. You want to avoid the brands that add sugar. I bought the UTI test strips at the drugstore to make sure she had an UTI. Also, check on the visiting nurses program in your area. They can do a lot of things and it saves you unnecessary trips to the doc.
Hospice: Check into the hospice programs in your state. They all interpret the benefit differently, but your parent does not need to be near death to have hospice care. The way it was explained to me (by a hospice co.) is that if a person is not seeking a curative treatment, and has one of the 13 or so ailments (Alz. is one of them) they can qualify for palliative (ie: comfort) care. "Another common hospice diagnosis is ‘Adult Failure to Thrive’. This is diagnosed when a patient experiences symptoms such as weight loss and weakness. Your disease doesn’t have to be terminal for you to qualify for palliative care and, in the U.S., many palliative treatments are covered by Medicare." A good friend told me about this. He cared for his grandmother. She was on hospice for the last year of her life. There are 6mo. intervals, wherein the patient is evaluated, but the care can go on indefinitely. In our state, you can have an aide for up to 3 times a week, and a nurse comes as needed. It really helps cut down on trips to the doc, because the nurse can relay symptoms to the doc and the doc can prescribe over the phone. They even have mobile xray machines. Also, they pay for any equipment related to comfort care, including incont. pads, chair cushions, hospital beds, etc. Also, they can arrange for home visits by PTs, podiatrists, etc. As I said, each state interprets this benefit differently.
My absolute best advice is to get a reliable recommendation to a good hospice co. and then talk to the director. They will tell you if your parent can qualify. They will also direct you to a doctor who understands the process and how to correctly assess their conditions. This is very important!
Also, write a letter outlining your parent's day-to-day limitations, issues with mobility, and anything he/she needs assistance with. Mention any devices they need such as a wheelchair, lift chair, walker, etc. The main thing that they are looking for is a "decline" in health over the last 12 months, so document everything. This helps the doc because he/she does not see your parent every day as you do. If the doc perscribes treatment, that is all you need. The only way they would be taken off, is if there is improvement in their condition and mobility.
alrighty i need to get bfast a going .
cricket i am so sorry u have RMS . i hate it when my mind just all the time run run run . did u have some beer to make it slow down and be on cloud nine ?
mariesmom - hope ure all settled down and getting back into a normal routine . i hope ure good . big hugs to u dear .
alrighty gotta play chef . love ya and have a happy day . xoxox
LovCuz
LovCuz
1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this
time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about
alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human
body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that
lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."