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Aww, Jen. I hate hospitals, and I worked in them for 25 years. But, your right they are so creepy sometimes. Maybe he is getting close to his last fart.... When I worked at the hospital elderly or terminal patients would start refusing food and water right at the end.
Welcome Itgirl. Sometimes scented candles help with the smell. Can you write a note on her colostomy bag (DON'T TOUCH THIS)? Anyway, this site is for venting all you want.
Itsagirl you are living the dream!!! bobbie glad you are o.k. if it is only a bit ok. I can't imagine fog there, all I see is blue water and the occasional alligator...We had fog same time here but it is also 30 degrees out. We had an uber fun day Friday night...Call form ADH, go up get him, nurse said he is wheezing...to Dr., Dr. said go to ER. Mom takes him to ER, They put him on fast track so it only takes three hours to see a physician...hmmmnn. Mom calls me and says they are on to blood tests urine tests, X rays of chest and then CT of gut.......I decide I AM NOT LEAVING MY MOM UP THERE ON HER OWN! So I grab her diabetic pill and some carrot and celery sticks and wheat thins and get a cab, HE CAN PAY FOR IT! Go in he is getting in to CT scan, Mom and I go and have snack lunch/dinner... tests come back...a few gall stones...BUT...Yes, this is the line. A lot of fecal matter packed in there....
Yes, I have the medical diagnoses finally, my grandfather....Is full of sh*t!
Well, 10 PM rolls around we are sent home with a prescription for Miralax and stool softeners...and yes him... unfortunately. he is told by three differnt people, nurses, doctors and the CT tech who LITERALLY said "the IV drip should help and you need to drink more water..." he turned his head and ignored them... I made sure to emphasize this point to mom so she doesn't make herself nuts thinking he is just ignoring her...When we get home she gets him some soup and her self half a pb sandwich...and she is really wiped out...She actually cried, I got up and hugged her, and she almost hugged me back. I let go when I felt her stiffen in discomfort at my touch as usual... She said, While she was sitting there it occurred to her, "You know what today is?" "Yeah, the day grandma died..." (2007)
Next day, she went and got his prescription...see if it helps...I don't know, I don't care. In the ER, it was creep ville as usual, I sat ON the floor till embarrassed staff brought an extra chair, when he couldn't see me he asked "Where is Jenny?". When I drank out of my water bottle he made some asinine comment about the size of it...Yes old man, least I am not laying in a hospital bed full of a weeks worth of feces! He'd comment on every move I made, every step I took...in his sicko creepy way...I never spoke to him once. My mother ,will probably put the ten dollars I used for cab fare back in his wallet with her own money. I know what I can do, go incognito and look up coffins on line...Granted grandma already had purchased there a decade ago, but it is a distraction... can't sleep, can't eat...funs-ville here...
When do we start baking cookies for the Hols?
Oh here's one. I felt bad for my aunt, she was out of town, seeing the daughter she loves and doing shopping and sightseeing in the big city and then she calls to let mom know they got home O.K. from a four day vacay, and mom hit her with this crap. Not mean, just the fact of it is awful, and my aunt feels like sh*t we do all the work and she can't do anything...That's just the way it is...
I imagine Grandpa is pissed off, but mom put her foot down and will countenance no arguing on his drinking the god damn water! and taking the Miralax (in water). She has had it with the crabbing. He treats having to drink a cup of water like he is being water boarded! The IV drip must have had some effect he managed to pee through the pads into the mattress. Mom has finally come to the conclusion that yes, she should have bought a full mattress cover for water proofing...No, I didn't say I told you so, there was no need to. Going through a lot of Lysol concentrate here...At least, when I do the laundry it blocks out the sounds from upstairs... Other than that, all is good here....pahahahahaaa Jen
Maybe it is time for Mom to go into residential care. Have you considered that? Does she behave for the sitters? In her dementia she may just have found the ultimate way to push your buttons. There is no chance of changing that. Have you talked to her dr about some kind of medication to try and gomodify this behavior? This clearly can't go on. Do you own the house or does she? if you own you are in the clear for medicaid in a N/H if she owns you will have to have lived with her for a certain number of years before Medicaid can't seize it. If you are young she probably is too and could live for many years so don't give up your life. she will only get worse.
I too get grossed out watching mom eat. She has food hanging from her mouth and I want to tell her but it isn't worth her trying to remove it!! I needed a good laugh today!! Thanks!!
I'm new here & I'm thrilled to have found a community of people offering support one another. I am young, single w no children, no sibs, no cousins & my mom w Alzheimer's is a widow. Suffice it to say that I truly am the it girl who is always on hence my screen name. I am her cook, washerwoman, financial manager and hands-on caregiver as she needs prompting (at least) doing EVERYTHING including putting clothes on in the proper order and eating a plate of food w/o it taking an hour. Now for the gross part. I am thrilled that she overcame ovarian cancer however the result was that she now has a colostomy. Daily she becomes fixated & removes the colostomy bag, is flying through expensive healthcare supplies, and for the past week has had fecal matter in my kitchen! I don't care about having to throw some food away but I certainly do not want to be sick from her having transferred traces of fecal matter and throughout my house. I have used Clorox, Lysol, Lysol with hydrogen peroxide, as well as enzyme products from the pet store yet my kitchen table still reeks! I sat down to have some Thanksgiving leftovers and the smell reached from underneath my plate, around the plate and punched me in the nose mid-chew. I'm CONSTANTLY cleaning and totally exhausted and that is when this sort of thing is happening. for her out of sight is out of mind so I always have to stash something in my office and lock the door or toss it in the basement or my bedroom before the sitter comes so there is only order in the common areas and her bed right now however it's maddening for the rest of my house to be a wreck. No good for type A personality! Either it's when I am trying to get control over the mess and reestablish order or in the basement doing the never ending stack of laundry, or in the middle of the night while I'm asleep and she's up wandering the house. Did I mention that there's always a race to find the colostomy bag also because sometimes it could be in the trashcan when she takes it off but other times it could be in the kitchen drawer! Then the question becomes who will find it first - will I get it first and be able to manage it or will the dog get it first and I have himself a snack? Bottom line is that I am all pooped out!
Bobbi, good to hear from you, keeping my fingers crossed that your liver damage is reversible. My friend that had the reaction to the lipitor also has liver damage. He is getting better, but very slowly. Indio decided to quit taking his lipitor, and he is sleeping better, and just feels better over all. The fog sounds really cool. My step dad wanted to take mom out to dinner for their anniversary. Nice thought, but mom barely leaves the house. He would have to take her in the wheelchair. So talked him into picking up take out. Which is what he has had to do for the last several years. He seems to be forgetting stuff more often.
Hi guys and thanks for the support. Emjo, thank you and Jen and Austin and Sharynmarie.
Jen, so far we don't know if it's permanent and I am doing everything I can to heal my poor liver. Blood tests start this Monday and again on the 15th so we can see if I am making any progress.
Austin, I stopped all meds, red meat etc etc. I went with the recommendations of that book, Healthy Healing and got some herbs and spices to put together a program of stuff to make my liver happy instead of sad.
It's so foggy this morning I can't even see the end of the face dock. I love it. You can hear air horns going off in the ICW from boats who started out this morning when it wasn't so bad and are now moving slowly in this pea soup.
I hope everybody is doing ok. I'm reading every day but sometimes just don't have the energy to post… Just like so many of us.
Been thinking about everybody:
Mame, Kuli, Juju, DEEF!, Linda, Meanwhile, CUZ!, Shoutout to Shanda because she told me she reads…. Go ahead and post!
I forgot everybody…Post and chew me out for tired memory.
Bobbie I am so sorry about the liver damage-I was having liver damage and instead of looking into my meds my doc sent me t a specialist and instead of waiting 6 weeks to see him I pitched a fit and got in in 2 days and in talking he asked me -again without checking my meds if I drank quinine water and I said no but one of my meds is has quinine in it -almost added stupid but held off and stopped the med and had blood work done again in two weeks and the levels were down -they wanted to do a liver biopsy saying no big deal-I am a nurse and helped with them and consider them a big deal-my med group joined another and now have 45 facilities in counties-now will have more specialist to send us to instead of helping figure out what is wrong-there are no independent docs around any more.
I am sorry to hear you have permanent damage there bobbie, just one more thing eh? Is it dealable, or an adjust situation forever? Dr.'s nurse called, X rays inconclusive come back in ten days...What ever. Back to AD tomorrow so we can get the shopping done... No I have no idea the day it is...I am that out of it... Stay warm everyone...Jen
Bobbie, I too am sorry about the c diff and the liver damage. I believe they are directly related to the stress of caregiving and agree that placement is the answer for many - more that is happening. People do not realise the negative effect caregiving has on their health. The statistics now that quote that about 40% of caregivers die before their care receivers. I haven't seen figures about how many caregivers end up with their health severely compromised, though they still survive their care receivers, but may well have chronic illness and a shortened life spa. I too have a gut infection that requires meds, one of which could affect my liver. It is a hard choice. I alternate between the "safe" one and the other one. The safe one has some unpleasant side effects sometimes. So far my liver tests are OK. I read earlier that you were contemplating a fecal transplant and have wondered if it helped.
Hopefully your liver will recover. Wishing you all the best
Bobbie-I am sorry to hear you have liver damage. is it something that can get better over time? It just seems so unfair. Please let us know the results. My thoughts are with you.
They are DEMENTED. Therefore what comes out of their mouths is DEMENTED.
To be taken with not even a grain of salt and yes, Austin, you are correct, it is our job to live through it! Not our job to take it to heart and have it kill us.
Jen! F**k it and don't listen to it. He's Demented and just tell him to shut the F**k up.
Yes, I know I don't know the microenvironment inside your situation but trust me, a little tough love on everyone involved is way better than succumbing to the crazy.
You will change when it hurts more to stay the same. Yes, that is tough to be sure. Ow Ow Ow.
Speaking of tough, it turns out I have liver damage from the antibiotic that got rid of the C-Diff. I don't know exactly how bad yet, but am doing everything I can to detox my liver and hope I don't fall victim to Hepititis or worse. I couldn't understand why I didn't feel better and was so tired and shot out. Bad decision making starting about 10 years ago when I began to caregive my mom, who is gone now and I miss her but not the insanity of Dementia.
Sorry, but even after being out of active caregiving for over 4 years I still wouldn't do it again. My health hasn't come back to anywhere near where I was before this stupid sh!t. Time has not softened any of it and I still feel that placement is the answer for many cases. Not all, so don't bother attacking me, but many.
I personally know of cases where the elder pooped themselves ONCE and the caregiver threw in the towel. Smart. Glad to know our pain serves to educate those coming behind us.
Hello to everyone and I hope your holiday season is going to be ok with all you all have to deal with.
He knows still how to be difficult-she is just wasting her breathe-tell her 60% of caregivers die before the ones they take care off-that woke me up -from then on I set out to keep me alive-pretended not to hear his orders.
"Well god d*mn it I can't, I just keeps, it keeps coming out !"
"Well I'm sorry, but you have to drink water to flush out your system, that's why you have got another UTI!"
goes to his room flops down in the LIFT CHAIR...you know the type of chair that lets you gently lower yourself down and up...Considering he just had a chest X ray for pain you think he'd......
"Don't you think it would have been easier to use the lift chair daddy?"
"Well Gid d*mn it, I can't, YOu the one THat tells me! to put it down!!!"
(total lie, he is the one who makes it an ordeal to set it back dpwn perfectly every god damn time he gets out of it...)
"l, Soory daddy, I'm sorry you don't want to drink water I am sorry you have a UTI, That's right just BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING!!!"
Stepdad, plumbed and wired in a new on demand water heater at one of the rental houses. He is so happy, because he feels useful. Mom on the other hand doesn't want to do anything.
Nothing I want matters, if he is dying, he is dying...if not, this all just goes on till my mother kills herself over the endless and increasing chore of care giving...
he had bad back pain and mom took him to Dr. this morning. Dr. sent them over to get X-rays of his chest...I don't know. Probably turn out to be bronchitis...who knows...
Meanwhile at least she agreed it tasted awful also. I took all the meat off the bones and tomorrow will make a large pot pie with much of the turkey and vegies and stuffing and maybe some cranberry sauce winging it -I did it years ago so will give it a try again.
Jen I hope your getting enough protein? It can be hard to do on a vegetarian diet. I know some people that just skip the beef and pork, but eat fish and poultry. I try not to eat beef more than once a week. I have to tell you about the cheese cake. Mom wanted to make a cheesecake for Thanksgiving dinner, I thought fine. She made it last summer with my recipe. It's with splenda instead of sugar, because she and my step dad are diabetic. Well, she must have left the splenda out completely this time. It was terrible. Even mom thought it tasted bad, but she thinks she put too much splenda in it.
Quiet today, hope it stays so...Mom took him over for a hair cut... Have a decent weekend all... I had a turkey sandwich, vegetarian it was not. I was so excited, I shook as I made it! I hate being a vegetarian....
Jen your Thanksgiving was worse than mine. So sorry. We just can't invite anyone else, even Indio made an excuse and left. My mother is just so nasty to everyone.
Oh GOD! bobbie..Living it here!!!!!!!! My God you are right, I am hoping I will be dead before next year! My God it was awful yesterday...My mom just about killed herself getting the dinner ready! It was a pre done from store one but it still was a lot of work and she was hyperventilating and having to sit down by the time it was done! She feeds him, get herself some, I sit in living room upset, terrified she is going to stroke out! After I start cleaning and she is trying to put leftovers away still leaning on counter and breathing hard...GOOD GOD JUST MAKE THIS STOP!!!! Later she says she was "worried the turkey wouldn't get done..."
"That's what YOU were worried about?!"...."I was scared to death you were having a hear attack!!!" " I have had a really shitty life and even though i could figure out how to live on my own use the food bank etc I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT MY MOTHER!!!" "YOU ARE THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT I LOVE!"
She sort of dismissed it, trying to play it down I guess...I don't know.
After she sat down I asked her...: "Do you think we could put Grandpa in respite care for a couple weeks or so, just to give us a break?!"
"I, don't know, I'll have to think about it!".....
I'll bet, and if he did go, he'd just come back and somehow that would be worse. Why does she think killing herself is some how O.K. here? Why won't he just fucking die !?!?!?!?!?!!
God this is awful... Jen hope things get better soon. Hope everyone is O.K. where they are. God bobbie you got that one right on....
a commercial for aging and elder hospice care came on right after we sat down, the tag about just being daughter again and getting help for this hard job....Oh God please!
Bobbie good to hear from you-it is great for you to reach out to another caregiver-my friend and I are trying to get our caregiver group going again at the center-the powers to be need to be reminded how important it is for those in the trenches to have support-cooking dinner today for my honey and son and daughter and grandson-keeping it simple as usual-the snow will hang around for a few more days.
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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PHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAAAA
bobbie glad you are o.k. if it is only a bit ok. I can't imagine fog there, all I see is blue water and the occasional alligator...We had fog same time here but it is also 30 degrees out.
We had an uber fun day Friday night...Call form ADH, go up get him, nurse said he is wheezing...to Dr., Dr. said go to ER. Mom takes him to ER, They put him on fast track so it only takes three hours to see a physician...hmmmnn. Mom calls me and says they are on to blood tests urine tests, X rays of chest and then CT of gut.......I decide I AM NOT LEAVING MY MOM UP THERE ON HER OWN! So I grab her diabetic pill and some carrot and celery sticks and wheat thins and get a cab, HE CAN PAY FOR IT! Go in he is getting in to CT scan, Mom and I go and have snack lunch/dinner... tests come back...a few gall stones...BUT...Yes, this is the line. A lot of fecal matter packed in there....
Yes, I have the medical diagnoses finally, my grandfather....Is full of sh*t!
Well, 10 PM rolls around we are sent home with a prescription for Miralax and stool softeners...and yes him... unfortunately. he is told by three differnt people, nurses, doctors and the CT tech who LITERALLY said "the IV drip should help and you need to drink more water..." he turned his head and ignored them... I made sure to emphasize this point to mom so she doesn't make herself nuts thinking he is just ignoring her...When we get home she gets him some soup and her self half a pb sandwich...and she is really wiped out...She actually cried, I got up and hugged her, and she almost hugged me back. I let go when I felt her stiffen in discomfort at my touch as usual...
She said, While she was sitting there it occurred to her, "You know what today is?" "Yeah, the day grandma died..." (2007)
Next day, she went and got his prescription...see if it helps...I don't know, I don't care. In the ER, it was creep ville as usual, I sat ON the floor till embarrassed staff brought an extra chair, when he couldn't see me he asked "Where is Jenny?". When I drank out of my water bottle he made some asinine comment about the size of it...Yes old man, least I am not laying in a hospital bed full of a weeks worth of feces! He'd comment on every move I made, every step I took...in his sicko creepy way...I never spoke to him once. My mother ,will probably put the ten dollars I used for cab fare back in his wallet with her own money. I know what I can do, go incognito and look up coffins on line...Granted grandma already had purchased there a decade ago, but it is a distraction...
can't sleep, can't eat...funs-ville here...
When do we start baking cookies for the Hols?
Oh here's one. I felt bad for my aunt, she was out of town, seeing the daughter she loves and doing shopping and sightseeing in the big city and then she calls to let mom know they got home O.K. from a four day vacay, and mom hit her with this crap. Not mean, just the fact of it is awful, and my aunt feels like sh*t we do all the work and she can't do anything...That's just the way it is...
I imagine Grandpa is pissed off, but mom put her foot down and will countenance no arguing on his drinking the god damn water! and taking the Miralax (in water). She has had it with the crabbing. He treats having to drink a cup of water like he is being water boarded! The IV drip must have had some effect he managed to pee through the pads into the mattress. Mom has finally come to the conclusion that yes, she should have bought a full mattress cover for water proofing...No, I didn't say I told you so, there was no need to. Going through a lot of Lysol concentrate here...At least, when I do the laundry it blocks out the sounds from upstairs...
Other than that, all is good here....pahahahahaaa Jen
My step dad wanted to take mom out to dinner for their anniversary. Nice thought, but mom barely leaves the house. He would have to take her in the wheelchair. So talked him into picking up take out. Which is what he has had to do for the last several years. He seems to be forgetting stuff more often.
Emjo, thank you and Jen and Austin and Sharynmarie.
Jen, so far we don't know if it's permanent and I am doing everything I can to heal my poor liver. Blood tests start this Monday and again on the 15th so we can see if I am making any progress.
Austin, I stopped all meds, red meat etc etc. I went with the recommendations of that book, Healthy Healing and got some herbs and spices to put together a program of stuff to make my liver happy instead of sad.
It's so foggy this morning I can't even see the end of the face dock. I love it. You can hear air horns going off in the ICW from boats who started out this morning when it wasn't so bad and are now moving slowly in this pea soup.
I hope everybody is doing ok. I'm reading every day but sometimes just don't have the energy to post… Just like so many of us.
Been thinking about everybody:
Mame, Kuli, Juju, DEEF!, Linda, Meanwhile, CUZ!,
Shoutout to Shanda because she told me she reads…. Go ahead and post!
I forgot everybody…Post and chew me out for tired memory.
love you guys,
lovbob
Dr.'s nurse called, X rays inconclusive come back in ten days...What ever.
Back to AD tomorrow so we can get the shopping done...
No I have no idea the day it is...I am that out of it...
Stay warm everyone...Jen
I too have a gut infection that requires meds, one of which could affect my liver. It is a hard choice. I alternate between the "safe" one and the other one. The safe one has some unpleasant side effects sometimes. So far my liver tests are OK. I read earlier that you were contemplating a fecal transplant and have wondered if it helped.
Hopefully your liver will recover. Wishing you all the best
I think we as caregivers forget:
They are DEMENTED. Therefore what comes out of their mouths is DEMENTED.
To be taken with not even a grain of salt and yes, Austin, you are correct, it is our job to live through it!
Not our job to take it to heart and have it kill us.
Jen! F**k it and don't listen to it. He's Demented and just tell him to shut the F**k up.
Yes, I know I don't know the microenvironment inside your situation but trust me, a little tough love on everyone involved is way better than succumbing to the crazy.
You will change when it hurts more to stay the same. Yes, that is tough to be sure.
Ow Ow Ow.
Speaking of tough, it turns out I have liver damage from the antibiotic that got rid of the C-Diff.
I don't know exactly how bad yet, but am doing everything I can to detox my liver and hope I don't fall victim to Hepititis or worse.
I couldn't understand why I didn't feel better and was so tired and shot out.
Bad decision making starting about 10 years ago when I began to caregive my mom, who is gone now and I miss her but not the insanity of Dementia.
Sorry, but even after being out of active caregiving for over 4 years I still wouldn't do it again. My health hasn't come back to anywhere near where I was before this stupid sh!t. Time has not softened any of it and I still feel that placement is the answer for many cases. Not all, so don't bother attacking me, but many.
I personally know of cases where the elder pooped themselves ONCE and the caregiver threw in the towel. Smart. Glad to know our pain serves to educate those coming behind us.
Hello to everyone and I hope your holiday season is going to be ok with all you all have to deal with.
lovbob
"Well god d*mn it I can't, I just keeps, it keeps coming out !"
"Well I'm sorry, but you have to drink water to flush out your system, that's why you have got another UTI!"
goes to his room flops down in the LIFT CHAIR...you know the type of chair that lets you gently lower yourself down and up...Considering he just had a chest X ray for pain you think he'd......
"Don't you think it would have been easier to use the lift chair daddy?"
"Well Gid d*mn it, I can't, YOu the one THat tells me! to put it down!!!"
(total lie, he is the one who makes it an ordeal to set it back dpwn perfectly every god damn time he gets out of it...)
"l, Soory daddy, I'm sorry you don't want to drink water I am sorry you have a UTI, That's right just BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING!!!"
"I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR....."
he's gonna die soon right?...
Well God d*mnit!
Jen
I have to tell you about the cheese cake. Mom wanted to make a cheesecake for Thanksgiving dinner, I thought fine. She made it last summer with my recipe. It's with splenda instead of sugar, because she and my step dad are diabetic. Well, she must have left the splenda out completely this time. It was terrible. Even mom thought it tasted bad, but she thinks she put too much splenda in it.
Have a decent weekend all...
I had a turkey sandwich, vegetarian it was not. I was so excited, I shook as I made it!
I hate being a vegetarian....
luvCuz
Later she says she was "worried the turkey wouldn't get done..."
"That's what YOU were worried about?!"...."I was scared to death you were having a hear attack!!!" " I have had a really shitty life and even though i could figure out how to live on my own use the food bank etc I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT MY MOTHER!!!" "YOU ARE THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT I LOVE!"
She sort of dismissed it, trying to play it down I guess...I don't know.
After she sat down I asked her...: "Do you think we could put Grandpa in respite care for a couple weeks or so, just to give us a break?!"
"I, don't know, I'll have to think about it!".....
I'll bet, and if he did go, he'd just come back and somehow that would be worse. Why does she think killing herself is some how O.K. here? Why won't he just fucking die !?!?!?!?!?!!
God this is awful...
Jen hope things get better soon.
Hope everyone is O.K. where they are.
God bobbie you got that one right on....
a commercial for aging and elder hospice care came on right after we sat down, the tag about just being daughter again and getting help for this hard job....Oh God please!