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One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.
They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her “Darling, would you give me a blow job?”
Horrified, she replies “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”
Him: “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”
Her: “No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”
Him: “Oh come on, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”
Her: “No way. It’s just too risky!”
Him (horny as hell): “Oh please, please, I love you so much!”
Her: “No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!”
Him: “Oh yes you can. Please?”
Her: “No, no. I just can’t”
Him: “I beg you… ”
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:
“Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..”

lovbob
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A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.
The man says to his wife “Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!”
She ignores the remark.
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky.
The wife calmly responds,
“If you think I’m gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken.”

lovbob
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Bobbi, so glad to hear your a little better, hope you continue to improve. Indio's ribs are getting better, he thinks he wants to try and ride tomorrow. If he is up to it, he gets the older more predictable horse.
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Juju how about a new Podiatrist? This one is NOT doing HIS job. Otherwise buy some strong wire clippers, possibly those they sell for clipping dog nails. Afterwards sand paper them smooth amd allpy anti fungal cream
They do really need professional care regularily. you can do a lot of harm especially if Mom is diabetic. Don't use the same equipment on yourself
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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”
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Oh good news, your feeling better Bobbie!!! Thanks for the chuckles!!!

Thank you everyone for the bday wishes! just an ordinary day but ok, I survived!! I am so excited the BFF is off work for the season and is planning to bring kids and baby "TO US", for a couple days visit soon!! I am really excited and motivated now to finish up this trim so I can get living area furniture back home for the company!
Yesterday mom n I went to town for Dr appt, did some shopping and stopped at the duck pond with some oatmeal. Mom enjoyed watching me feed the ducks! Was thinking of taking off to the coast but did not work out, my arm started really hurting just carrying the crab nets down, so I thought dang, I cant be hauling pots, alone out there, no crab no coast! Town was enough I was exhausted when I got home. Spent some time looking at RV's online before literally passing out on the floor where I plopped down next to Ma!
Mame....so good to hear from you! Good for you for sticking to your guns with the aid! They are so focused/pressure on "their" schedule, they forget how to be flexible! Your mom makes me giggle, yup, she has still got it!!!!

The toes are gross I put them off till I can't anymore and man if moms podiatrist would trim them I would go in for that but he would not tend to them.

Thanks again everyone for all your support, wishing it back at you!!!

Peace,
Juju
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Agree, let the pros handle it, I do enough gross clean up here...

I hope you had a nice B day juju!

seriously funny jokes bobbie.... error too short....
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Susan, podiatrist for nails and dermatologist for lancing boil. I totally refuse to do nails, since my mother's nails are thick with fungus. Yuck, yuck, yuck. A boil wouldn't bother me so bad. But nails? Yuck.
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Ew ew ew...I get to do my least favorite thing in the world tonight....cut Mom's toenails. Going to be especially nerve-wracking tonight, because last time I did it, she got one of her involuntary foot tremors and twitched violently just as I closed the clippers....and cut right into the end of her toe. I've felt bad about it ever since, and now I'm *hating* the idea of cutting her toenails at all. They grossed me out before..now they scare me.

And on top of that...she's got a *HUGE* boil under her arm, full of pus, that needs to be lanced. (shudder)

Gotta love the caregiver life..right? Right?!?
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

Cuz, I hope Mike feels better. I can't imagine how hard that has got to be for all of you and especially Mike.

Love all you guys here and Happy Birthday Juju!

Still sick but not as bad as I was. The fight continues.

lovbob
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Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words.
Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.”
Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”
It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,
"And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
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A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says:
"Error. Not long enough."
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An old one:

A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous and he stammers his way through. Afterwards, he approaches the Monsignor to how he thought it went.
"Well," says the monsignor, "Try a little wine before you do your next mass."
So the next time the priest delivers a real fire and brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, "How did I do this time?"
The fellow clergyman replies, "You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions. First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.'
Next, David slew Goliath; he didn't 'whip the sh!t out of him.'
And last of all we are planning a taffy pulling contest here at St. Peter, not a 'Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.'

lovbob
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Happy Birthday Juju! Glad mom's bday turned out pretty good too! My brother's bday is today and I was walking by the cards in Walmart and said to my hubby-I should get a card for him from mom... and before the hub could say a word- I said-no, nevermind. It is just too much effort when they don't give the same effort to me or our mom... I used to care so much about them and their feelings etc but I can't invest in it anymore... Mom and I will call him from my cell when I go up to the NH home today and he will hear her voice-and she still sings happy birthday-so that will be nice. Anyway...
Cuz-praying for your bro. That is tough. We need to send you some jokes!
MEanwhile-Happy Birthday Indio! How was the cake? I would die without sugar! My mom in law is gluten free and is finding the best recipes-that taste great! I am not sure about no sugar recipes... The cookies you buy-sugar free aren't very good. Did you make your cake from scratch?
Busy here-I have my sister's dog as she went south to her mother in law's funeral. Nice to have a dog in the house again. She is sweet-but young and just wants to go go go!!! I guess it is good for me but tiring me out! HA!
Mom's aid got mad at me the other day cause right after lunch-20 minutes before they put her in bed, I wanted to take her outside-it was a beautiful day. She says, oh no, I have to put her in bed... I said we'd be back in 20-the time you usually put her in bed... What is the problem? Well, she copped an attitude and was like-well, I will just have to put her in bed late...blah blah... I told we wouldn't have many more days like this and we have 20 min and we are going.It was beautiful out and mom loved all the changing colors of the trees! When we got back-the aid was snotty and told me to come earlier (before lunch) and take her out then. I was like-what a great idea! (Except you never know what time she will be up-if her usual aid is not there they don't even get her up until lunch! Whatever) We had a nice time and mom was happy. Big cool down this weekend. Mom has been very lovey lately and telling me she loves me when I am leaving and calls me by name! Makes me weepy but in a happy way-I think! Gotta tell you this story! Mom says at lunch the other day, "Have I told you about the man who flirts with me?" His name is Eddy and he comes every day to visit his sister.... We chatted about how sweet he is etc... and she says, "well, if he was younger, it would be better!" I about died laughing! She's still got it!
Mame
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Happy birthday Juju glad you had a good day. I'm hoping the jokes start to come in pretty quick or else I will have to throw in a few repeats just to get a little laughter flowing. Update on my brother. His heart is doing about 50% and the drs say he is good with that, but his legs are getting worse. They are so numb now that he can't feel that they are starting to roll. Like he is walking on the very outside of his foot, not even on the sole anymore. He trys to keep them flat but he is real worried that the drs are going to say he would be better off losing the and that has him really stressed out. Course it doesn't help that he weighs over 300#. He doesn't hardly eat anything and the pee pills they have him on were starting to mess with the kidneys. He is starting to be negative on everything and everybody. Not good. All we can do is hope for the best. Hugs to all.
luvCuz
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Happy Birthday Juju, It is Indio's birthday today as well. It was pretty quiet. We just grilled some steaks, and I made him a sugar free chocolate cake. It was funny, when he got home, there was a $50 check from his step mother. He went over to her house and tried to give it back, but she insisted. Indio's dad died in May, (his mom died when he was 13 years old). But, Indio and his dad never got along. Even when his dad was dying, Indio went to make peace, and his dad wouldn't talk to him. I guess his step mom is trying to make amends.
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to add....the bday thing is a big thing for me I guess because not only do mom n I share close bday's it is a reminder of the imploding of our family as well....We(brothers) all had bday's close to mom 28th, me 1st, bro's 3rd n 8th along with it being the time when I brought mom home, has tended to become a touchy issue for me! Honestly I am not self centered or wanting of the items or attention but NOT getting any card/gift does make me feel lonely, especially from my momma!!!! Well I got my RedRobin free burger and DelTaco free shake!!!

We had a nice day for momma and on Monday, day got changed around due to the help, but we did get together and sang with mom We had our pizza on Sunday, I cut the center part out n up, crust was moist enough for her to eat!

I have just decided I am starting an RV/trailer fund with that check, I need to have a dream!

Thanks for listening! Juju
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Nuni88....hey there, oh my goodness the things that can irritate us! You are not alone!! I saw your post about loss of her leg. both my parents also faultered in her self care I am sure contributing to her current health issues/condition! Been thru the same emotions....angry they did not take better care etc.....you are not alone!!!
Peace, Juju
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Good morning!
How is everyone doing out there, today?

Got a surprise, some kind of class action settlement on a bank acct feature, received a check yesterday!! Happy Bday to us, woo hoo!
Yup it my bday and not crazy about it, just a reminder how isolated we have become! Spending it alone with Ma as have in past few years!


While back I did have a little fun and got a couple mums purple n fuchsia. Planted them in couple dark grey pots n set them out. They looked so pretty! Went to water them and apparently the Deer had pinky for midnite snack, it is just stems now, hopefully it will come back!!! I enjoy planting and tending to them, something different!!

Mame just FYI....I'm sure the worker did not leave with the meds, Keep peeking around for them....very frustrating!

Well take care gang, gotta go....gonna try to get the trim up today, I am procrastinating again! Thinking and praying for you all!!!
Peace, Juju
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Setting her password.
A friend was able to get onto healthcare.org but she was having difficulties
setting her password.

The interchange went as follows:

"Please create your password below."
roses

"Sorry, too few characters."

pretty roses

"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."

1 pretty rose

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."

1prettyrose

"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."

1friggingprettyrose

"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."

1FRIGGINGprettyrose

"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."

1FriggingPrettyRose

"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."

1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourA_ _IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightNow!

"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."

1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedWhereTheSunDoesNotShineIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNow

"Sorry, that password is already in use".
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I thought I was the only one being grossed out by my mother's eating habits. She's always been a loud eater, and back when I was in my teens, she'd do it deliberately to bother me because she knew I'd gross me out. She's always been difficult, but now she's sick it's completely unbearable
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Juju don't do it being a CNA is a lousy underpaid job. That SW is an idiot. now becoming a Sw that might be different and more suited for someone not so young who does not want to be on their feet all day.
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I do remember reading paper about my new area when I got here. This an outdoorsy area is known to have a high retirement community draw for the gorgeous rivers and territory. They had predicted the need to exceed the supply crisis! it may well be a logical option but I certainly doesn't sound good to me, really!! Like you said...no hurry! I sure would like to do something to make the world better for the elderly and their caregivers!!!
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Juju being a paid caregiver might be worth thinking about-no immediate decision -just to keep in mind and you get to go home after your shift-how great would that be -I think the government pays for the CNA classes and you can usually tailor the hours to your needs and desires and now there are NH IL and AL jobs to choose from-the SW must have seen something about you that she liked to make that suggestion .
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Thanks Jen and everyone! I guess "I AM" alone toooo much, enough said!

Oh dear Bobbie, of course the power of poop was too much I had to do some more googling on your condition.........I did not realize how serious C-Diff can get and how hard to beat! The transplants, however unpleasant sounding, seems very promising. It may be good/best option...oh girl, I just praying you get some relief soon!!!! Pass the poop!!!

Mame good to hear from you. Well also you don't have a son to raise as well as before caregiving. I bet life after caregiving is an "empty nest syndrome". Keep your eyes open for signs of what makes you happy and do what you can do to bring those things back into your life!!!!

Deef, i did wonder i have forgotten exactly how you came to care for Blanche....I think I recall she is not immediate family? I hope you are being paid! No matter, don't fall into a pattern you really don't want to be in!
Mame and Deef both situations apply, makes me think of this-
Mom new SW said on our yearly review,earlier this month "oh boy, you do so much, will be so lost when she gone" agreeing "Yup, i'm sure" she suggests "well you would be excellent as a caregiver for our program" OMG somebody tackle me before I sign up for this again, but here the thought comes "maybe if it was a paid non family member that I can just do my few hours and get on" "Maybe, all this time doing it is given us a special gift insight to the client"....idk sure doesn't sound appealing however experienced we may be!

Had to google "Corregidor" have no clue, WWII-interesting, Not to up on history myself, I really liked the "Dogs of War" program I have seen!
Jen- Keep buying those tickets, it will happen!

I'm explaining to mom it is her bday:
she says "how old am I"
me "87"
her surprised, "wow that is old" then even more concerned and bewildered "I am going to die soon"
me..."oh no your not, If you keep on kickin the way you do, you got another 10-20 ys"
Mom "OK" !!!

Hang in there crew, hang in there!!!!
Peace, Juju
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Reading about nurses on Corregidor. Seriously cool, video from 1985 before they all past on as well. Love history, it may be bunk but it is fascinating bunk

speaking of bunk...plenty o sh*t oozing around here bobbie let me know where to send it...Jen
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Mame yes great weather but we have not had any rain to speak of in so long -the leaves are getting brown and falling like crazy here in the lower Hudson Valley-very little color few reds and pale yellow and brown but weekend activities have gone on as planned.
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Man if I have learned anything from my Deadliest Catch...it should be "back in the Wheelhouse, lol!!! See we need you, Bobbie!!!!
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