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So sorry Meanwhile! Went through that so many times with Mom that I lost count. No fun but at least it explains some of the weird behaviors they go through! Juju, go easy on yourself. You would think I could have my apartment all cleaned up and organized by now. Mom will be gone 1 year on July 25 and I am still letting things slide. Just can't bring myself to get going! After 6 years of letting things go, I still don't know where to start. I'm busy from early morning until midnight or later every day, but never seem to get the important things done. My dining room table is covered with mail and I am constantly forgetting to pay bills on time. I used to put them in the same place when they came in so that I always knew when they were due, but now, I can't even find them half the time. As for construction/upkeep on this huge house, I'm at a total loss. There is no $$ to do it. I'm thinking about an equity loan to pay off our debt and have a little extra to pay for plumbing and electrical that needs to be done. I'm pretty sure my daughter and sil would have to co-sign for us to get one. With both of us on SS there is no way we could get what we need. The kids live in the apartment above us and will get the house anyway, so I told them if they want to get things done, they will have to help with the financial end of things. My sister called today and she will be coming up for her 2 week visit on Mom's birthday and I will be flying back to Virginia with her for a week. My brother in law will be driving up here to take care of Blanche while I get a much needed break! They paid my way down last year too and I was very grateful, but this year will be even better as my bil will not be there! Sorry! He's very good to me for watching his mom, but can be very controlling and tends to take over for everyone. He likes to cook the meals, but doesn't use spices or onions, peppers, garlic, etc. What the f? I like all kinds of stuff in my food and lots of flavor, so I plan to cook for everyone while I am there. Also, if we want to sight see, it will be on our terms, not his. In the meantime, I'm having hallucinations at night again! Very scary as that is how mom started with Parkinsons years ago. I'm hoping it's just stress and that my sister's visit and a week away will help that. When that started a couple months before mom died, I wasn't sure what was happening. Anyway, the gardens are doing great and all this heat and humidity is making everything grow fast and huge! Will be picking cherry tomatoes, yellow and zucchini squash and peppers this weekend. Got bags of leaf lettuce in the fridge and the raspberries will need picking by the weekend. Blanche's black raspberry patch is huge and I'm hoping to get a couple batches of jam from them. May even make some ice cream and sauce for ice cream. Took the solar cover off the pool to keep the water from getting too warm or it won't be worth getting into in this heat! One storm filled the water barrels and I have been using that to water daily. Will need a couple storms to refill them by Thursday. I'm hoping for a huge savings on our water bill because of these barrels and the new washer my sil bought. I was hesitant to have to use one of the new high efficiency washers and dryer, but have since come to love them! Washer is done in less than 30 minutes and the clothes are practically dry after the spin cycle so the dryer only runs for 30 minutes too!!! Less water and way less electricity are making me smile! And the clothes are cleaner than ever. Now if we could only find a way to save on heating fuel, it would make life so much easier. Jen, I hear you! Same old crap!!! It seems to never change. Are you getting the heat like Rip? Sharyn, How is your daughter doing? Has she calmed down towards you? It's hard enough to have to worry from a distance, but knowing she is upset with you has to make it worse. Thinking about you bath and hoping things will work out! Bobbie!!!!! All the right words as usual! I'm thinking we all should be able to enjoy what bit of life we have left, especially after all we have done for others! Time for bed! Hoping I sleep peacefully tonight and don't have any unwanted visitors! Love Deef!
Step dad called at 4 am. Mom was on the floor in the kitchen. She is still at the hospital. Dehydrated, and a UTI. Can not get her to drink water. My sister is with her now. Waiting on a call to see if I need to go spell her, or the Dr will send mom home.
Thanks Bobbie n Sharyn!!!! I will get the blood done this week and maybe try to switch the TV for a rake i am physically rested now at least and I think it might be a better option, least i get some vitamin D excersize and release. but i just have to learn to not overdo it now as i still do need to paint and my arms aren't able to take much wear n tear i have discovered, it is an adjustment as well to realize you cant do things you used to. and just pray i can pull off these deadlines....all i can do
Hi Jen...rainbows at 4am, sound lovely!!
Take care everyone and thank you so much for being here!!!
Usual crap here and repaired some stuff, did yard work, pulled out my old prism, I got when I was 13 and always loved, now I have sharp little rainbows in the basement at 4 AM! Hope everyone is doing good where they are....or not worse anyhow...Jen
I know what it feels like to feel absolutely alone. It's one of the reasons I started reading and posting on this site and about 4 months after my first post I started this thread. The people posting here were so supportive of what I was enduring but my damage was already done. I didn't start here until I was 5 years of 24/7 caregiving and construction and was totally burned out and very sick.
I can relate to you because of the living out of boxes, the total lack of any kind of help or support. I had no one who came in, even for a few hours a week. My mom was a bear until the last 2 years or so and by then it was full on bathing, bathroom and dressing duty in addition to the construction and all the crazy that goes with that. I was able to put her in respite care but I was flying coast to coast every week handling her business so I can't really count that as 'respite' for me. It was just a different level of exhaustion and stress.
I hear you Juju and all I can say is that you are not alone in that we are here and we hear you. We can't come and make it better but we can listen and tell you that you're not nuts, you're dealing and coping the best you can given the circumstances.
If you need to veg out in front of the tube, then you do it and you do it without any guilt. Please don't allow what someone else thinks to have any influence on what you need to do for you. And don't over think what needs to be done as well. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to that.
You have endured insanity in your living situation and you are experiencing grief on many levels. You are trying to be superhuman and are trying to do the job of 3 people. Cut yourself a break!
As far as your health is concerned, at least you have insurance and if you could only set one goal, go get your bloodwork and start down the path of recovering your health. Don't be like me and wait too long so it comes back and bites you in the ass!
Set one goal a week and see if you can do that. Take it easy on yourself and maybe when you get your results from your bloodwork you can set another goal.
The stuff you need to get done will get done but maybe not on someone else's schedule.
You are a caregiver so please give care to yourself and the rest of the world will just have to understand. If they don't then screw them. You have enough just in keeping a house and your mom and yourself.
Thank you again for the support.... It started 2 weeks ago. I painted the ceiling before the floors went in and it wiped me out physically. I was so sore in the arms i could not barely get mom taken care of so i took a day off and just was bum, layed around watching TV with mom and 1 day turned into 3-4 and then ever since then I cant seem to do much. I poop out by mid day after the chores! I know i have so much to do but i think it is approaching some painful subjects I have fear of dealing with therefore i am tuning out. I have been just sitting in front of the TV for a good part of 2weeks. i reflected on it and believe it is the only activity that takes me out of my head, stops the negative thoughts but it is also stopping the positive too..I am frustrated with myself, tell myself to get up but i have no physical motivation. Also i got really frustrated to because all the work i am trying to do is so hard on me now with the arm issues...i have been stuck on many projects at times just because i need a second person to assist, so i have to wait till my caregiver comes or ??? I really have no one in this town to call on to assist me, physically or just for emotional sounding board.......which brings up the whole family issue...that i have no family, what a vicsious circle.... anyway i do get so upset about it and feel so disconnected from the world. I do not know anyone who has no family. I mean i have cousins but we are not close were raised in different parts of the country and only met couple of times in childhood. Everyone has someone, their kids, spouse, siblings etc....but I have no one, and the more i am stuck in this house with ma, the worse that feeling is getting....It is the scariest thing in the world to know you are all alone.... Also adding to that frustration is the physical issues….like I said I was so sore for a few days I could barely use my hands. I need them! It hurt so bad to grab moms pad and roll her for diaper changes. That takes a grip and some strength And then the no time off! Not having a day off and away from my workplace is brutal…. It has been five years since I had a full day off and only a handful in 10ys. Like any job people need to get away from it now n then. Its funny I know I should not be hard on me like you all sed but it is not me….it is the situation being hard on me… i get it, the why of the situation why I am burnout but it doesn’t change it. things will not improve on the front of moms needs…it is only going to get harder. Because I get it, I just keep telling myself just do the best you can and what will be will be, but that feeds the procrastination rather than helps me. I justify being flaky with the excuse…it’s ok, your burned out, but the reality is the facts remain and stuff has to get done! The world is not going to understand or accommodate my situation. I already am letting myself go too I have health insurance now and they just need a blood test to check over then they will set me up with a therapist. I have not gone to do it, why….why….why????? It has been four months…. And I am becoming increasing grumpy again as the stress builds... I want to enjoy her again like where I got before her medical and home issues blew up last summer was so fortunate to have some good time with her last may after making some progress here I really had a breakthrough and was so happy for a little while, then the nitemare with the hospital, wanda dies, my local friends n I don’t get along anymore, we get thrown in a hotel, mom goes thru another medical nitemare with the broken leg, I put Romeo my baby down cuz I cant clean up after him anymore, and I turn 50…and living out of boxes for 11 months, here I am grumpy again. I Just want to wake up and enjoy the day not dread the tasks!!! Least I don’t wake up in fear of “is this the day I walk in and she not breathing” thoughts anymore. Anyway, I just cant get ahead all alone and I better start facing that fact, and rethink this whole situation here. I feel like a failure but who could win in my situation…. I want to take care of my momma, she is my whole world but I am only human!!! Thanks for letting me rant.
Blanche is putting on the AC all by herself!!! Will wonders never cease! She is even turning the TV on and off on her own! Maybe it has been the heat getting to her brain all this time? No such luck! I think her heart is working better and the blood flow has improved with the house being so much cooler. She used to keep the heat at 75 in the cooler weather. Meanwhile, when I say I'm driving across town to Blanche's, it's only a couple miles. The small town I live in only has a bit over 10,000 residents and is very small. But with current gas prices, it's not cheap going back and forth 2 times a day. Sure hope your cold is a mild one. Nothing worse than a summer cold. You are lucky to have Indio! Send him out here to teach my husband a thing or two! Sharyn, so hoping everything will be alright with your daughter and the twins. So stressful for all of you! I think you are right to back off for now. Neither of you needs the added stress at this point! Hello Glad! I know what it means to not go anywhere for years! My sibs always had excuses as to why they couldn't stay with Mom so I could get away for a few days. Hope you get to go somewhere soon! Juju, We've all been there and it's good that you popped in. We all do the best we can and we all push ourselves into the black hole. The thing is, you crawled out long enough to tell us what's going on and we are here for you. Write when you feel up to it and go easy on yourself! Jen, every day I turn on the computer I wonder if it will crash. They are both older and probably should be replaced. Bobbie!!! You got me beat by a few lbs. It's amazing how extra weight can cause all kinds of health issues. I just pulled out all my skinny clothes that I fit into 4 years ago. Most of them fit again and that makes me feel so good! Boy, eyes are closing here! Not a lot of sleep last night, so I'm off to feed the cats and then bed!!!
Mom is not handling the heat well. She won't drink enough water, won't turn the cooler on. My sister went up last night to help with dinner and cleaning up the kitchen. My turn tonight. (SIGH). Spent all afternoon putting up new trim, and painting the rental house. Need to get finished with the remodeling over there. Mom is getting so much more needy.
Today is bath day. Run her a nice warm bubble bath, get mom in and settled. Go in a few times to check on her, noticed the water looked a little brown... but she was lying down and there was lots of bubbles.... went back in and the water is darker?? As I'm helping her out I notice a black pair of panties, ones that she soiled a few days ago??? I think she hid them and was trying to wash them out today.... my ever so tender mind just won't let me go there, so I'm telling myself since the panties were black and somewhat new, it was just the dye. Yes, it was just the dye....
Thank you Glad. They are keeping her there to monitor her system. It is a juggling act of giving the babies more time to grow and making sure daughters system does get so toxic it damages her kidneys or harms the babies.
Living the boat life, or the horsey life, or even being watched by a man all sound wonderful to me this morning! A year an a half, plus, since a weekend away. Maybe one coming, and THREE days the end of JULY!
SharynMarie! This man at work.. is he a customer or a co-worker? He said he is watching? what the hey? If he's a co-worker tell him less watching and more helping and if he's not a co-worker call the cops!
Happy you are feeling a little better Meanwhile. I love the low humidity and I love that you have those animals. Meanwhile, I would love to see your animals and you on your horse. That has got to be a beautiful thing. I know what you mean about clothes falling apart. I have a pair of pants that I paint in and they're getting pretty thin but I'm going to wait until I feel that telltale breeze and then they will be cut up for rags. I just can't justify shopping anywhere but Goodwill for work clothes. I love that shorts are under 5 bucks and already broken in and soft.
Jen wants to see the gator and I want to see Jen! C'mon! Hope you are feeling better after your ordeal.
It's 5:15 am here and I am having a cup of joe and waiting for enough light to go down on the dock. We had a transient boat come in yesterday and they are from Canada and speak French. Thankfully they also speak English or there would have been a lot of sign language going on. They are on their way to Stuart, FL and will pull the boat and put her on the hard and then in November (after hurricane season) have her put on a cargo ship and taken to St Thomas where they have a condo. *sigh* They are very nice and when they were up here in the office/apartment the wife ran the socks off of the Cat. I told the wife where the Cat's toys were and she played with her for oven an hour. The husband fell asleep on the couch in the clubhouse. They couldn't believe how nice and comfortable it was. We tiptoed around and he got a good nap then I had one of the restaurants here come and pick them up for dinner. Happy campers. I feel very fortunate that I have found a little spot to be in. I don't know how long it will last because everything in life is temporary but hey, I am going to enjoy it while I can.
Thank you Glad, Jen and meanwhile!! I appreciate the support. My daughter has shut me out because I private messaged her friend that is also pregnant and due in sept. Apparently her friend texted her or phoned her and my daughter hit the roof over that because as she told my husband, it stresses her more having to answer peoples questions and concerns for her. She thought I posted it on f/b, which I didn't and neither did her friend...anyway she communicate with now. I see it as her taking her stress out on me, but I won't communicate that to her because I don't want to add to her stress.
I think I forgot to clock out at work tonight, I will call them in the morning to let them know I won't be at that store until Monday as I am working 2 different stores this week. A man at work asked me if I had a problem working by myself, I no, my only problem is having to close both bakery and deli and how huge the department is...all the walking back and forth to get things done. Then I asked him, why do you ask? He said because I am watching. After he walked away, I thought, is he watching me!!! I plan to ask him next time I see him.
Meanwhile, I am glad you are feeling better. Summer colds can be a nuisance with being congested during the heat.
Take care everyone and hope your Sunday is relaxing!!
Sharyn, know you must be worried, we are all going to worry with you. Hope it all turns out good. Good for you Bobbi, I lost 20 pounds last year, and 2 pounds so far this year. I need to lose more. I keep telling myself I'm not going to buy new clothes until I lose more weight, but at the rate I'm going, my clothes are going to fall apart 1st. Feeling better today. Went for a short ride early before it got too hot. It was 99 degrees here, but low humidity. Spent the afternoon painting a rental house. Then took the dogs for a 2 mile walk.
Sharyn, your family is in my prayers this morning.
Thank you everyone, I am just stressed out as I have some looming deadlines that I don't think I can make for stuff that is so important to me/us..... Have a nice weekend all!
SharynMarie, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is in the hospital with her twins. Glad her care is good and sorry to hear about her husband's grandfather.
Meanwhile! a summer cold. Ugh. A good angel to care for you. Yay! Pretty sweet not being alone to cope with everything. Tell Indio we all want to put in in the Clone Closet so we can have more Indios!
Deef!! good for you and Blanche's AC. Nothing beats not sweltering. Yes, there are some characters here for sure. It's a decent job for an older woman even though it can be physically demanding. That's the part that keeps me going and going and going…. haha The heat index here will be 100 degrees with the humidity set at stupid. All I can do is go on the dock before the sun is up and bang out most of the outside work but then have to go out at whatever time the high tide is and wrestle with the marsh grass that's under the clubhouse.
Juju!! good to see you and everyone is right: don't hammer yourself and this thread is here so you can vent and say anything you want. We just are happy to hear from you and glad for you that you have a functioning kitchen and that the house is getting there. What you are doing is the hardest thing you will ever have to do and all of us can attest to that. Adding major construction to that is insane and I can attest to that because of what I did when I was a caregiver. It about killed me and I am grateful just to be alive now. I didn't think I would make it.
Jen! WooHoo, July is almost here and you get to swim! I wish I could swim but there's a gator in the water here so I am not of a mind to give it an arm or a leg or torso…
Cuz! How is everyone in your neck of the woods? How's your boat? You know that if you guys made it down here you can fish off my dinghy. I have a little 15 horse Evenrude and the dink will get up on plane with only me in it but not if someone is sitting midship or in the bow. I know things are tough all over but just wanted to throw that out there. I remember 4th of July with you guys when I was a kid and they are some of my best childhood memories. Silver Lake!
Austin! What's going on?
Gladimhere! good advice and good to see you.
Mame!! Where are you? Kuli! Thinking about you. If any of our old crew read this, just check in and say: Still Kicking!
I am getting a better grip on my health issues and have lost almost 20 pounds with more to go but will be happy with this for the time being. It's amazing how I just didn't care about myself for so long and it really came back to bite me in the ass. At least there's less ass to take a bite out of now.
I refuse to go to Goodwill and buy more shorts until these I have fall off of me when I stand up. I'm almost there! They used to be tight and come about 4" above my knees and now they are loose and hang just below my knees so I look like an aged rapper. The baggy t-shirt covers the rest haha.
So, what is everyone doing for the 4th? Any plans?
OK, time to check the dryer and get my painting clothes out and finish this thing so the guy can pick it up next week and pay me!
SM, hope all goes well with your daughter and the babies. I know it must be very hard to stay away with all this going on. You are doing the right thing. It is very difficult for young couples to deal with parents when they need time to understand what is going on and support each other. You will be of much more help and support after the babies come and mom and dad are feeling better, and relieved the birthing part is done.
Keep yourself busy to try to keep your stress level down.
Deef~Hope the a/c continues to make Blanche comfortable so she will leave it on. Meanwhile~sounds like a great meal, you are blessed. Hope your cold does not amount to too much. Jen~Great swimming for July, glad you are feeling better. Juju~Don't be so hard on yourself...you have accomplished so much. A social life would be nice for all of us...mine consists for getting it from work with customer service. If you need to come here to vent, that is ok....we all do it and we all have done it for long periods of time until things settled down. Continue to come back as often as you need to.
My daughter was hospitalized today for preeclampsia. They are giving her steroid injections to strengthen the boys lungs as she has a 50/50 chance of delivering this weekend. She is due Sept. 19. The boys currently weigh 2lb 10 oz. I know the medical field has a good handle on how to treat preemies,. but I am still worried for her..no baby shower this weekend. Yes Deef, this is one friend she does not need. My daughter's hubby has been out here in Cali as his grandfather is in final stages of colon cancer. He planned to return home tomorrow, but changed his plans and left today. I am just waiting on updates...not planning on going to Idaho unless it gets more serious...my being there is not going to change things and she is getting excellent care.
I think I'm coming down with a summer cold. So Indio came over and grilled sausage, beer can chicken, and sweet potatoes. I made a salad. It was wonderful. Don't know how I got so lucky.
July at the YMCA pool sounds like a great idea, Jen. Juju, we have all been worried about you. You've gotten so much done this last year. Be proud. You do need some sort of social outlet. No wonder your burnt out. Try and take care of yourself. Goodness Deef, I hope you get paid for gas mileage as many trips as you have to make over to Blanche's house.
And then the computer shut off....have it back now, turned out the monitor died, so got a cheapie replacement, guys had one at the shop...Doing OK here...Will re sign up for July at YMCA. I hope everyone is hanging in there...Jen
So on the upside, all my flooring is done, and kitchen is fully functional! I love the carpet i put in the bedrooms I got some good deals on high end produ ct by searching out remnants but the main living area is a laminate product that i already regret... i did not do my research or shopping on that and i don't think it is of good quality. it has already chipped in several spots. I still am working on the painting it has become a nitemare due to the issues i am having with my hands/arms and all the prepwork and problems have run into.... I hope to get it done within a week. Then just the masterbath is left to complete, drywaller should be here next week then we can finish that up. I am excited to have it all completed soon... and get the other more than half our stuff outta storage. Dads bday was yesterday that always gets to me too.....takes me down memory lane....I did have a good cry yesterday too....good being relative, there was tear flow! So anyway, although i am so burnt out and flat things aren't as bad as they once were a year and a half ago I am sure it is because of you all and knowing you are here....even if i do not actively participate much lately!
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Juju, go easy on yourself. You would think I could have my apartment all cleaned up and organized by now. Mom will be gone 1 year on July 25 and I am still letting things slide. Just can't bring myself to get going! After 6 years of letting things go, I still don't know where to start. I'm busy from early morning until midnight or later every day, but never seem to get the important things done. My dining room table is covered with mail and I am constantly forgetting to pay bills on time. I used to put them in the same place when they came in so that I always knew when they were due, but now, I can't even find them half the time. As for construction/upkeep on this huge house, I'm at a total loss. There is no $$ to do it. I'm thinking about an equity loan to pay off our debt and have a little extra to pay for plumbing and electrical that needs to be done. I'm pretty sure my daughter and sil would have to co-sign for us to get one. With both of us on SS there is no way we could get what we need. The kids live in the apartment above us and will get the house anyway, so I told them if they want to get things done, they will have to help with the financial end of things.
My sister called today and she will be coming up for her 2 week visit on Mom's birthday and I will be flying back to Virginia with her for a week. My brother in law will be driving up here to take care of Blanche while I get a much needed break! They paid my way down last year too and I was very grateful, but this year will be even better as my bil will not be there! Sorry! He's very good to me for watching his mom, but can be very controlling and tends to take over for everyone. He likes to cook the meals, but doesn't use spices or onions, peppers, garlic, etc. What the f? I like all kinds of stuff in my food and lots of flavor, so I plan to cook for everyone while I am there. Also, if we want to sight see, it will be on our terms, not his.
In the meantime, I'm having hallucinations at night again! Very scary as that is how mom started with Parkinsons years ago. I'm hoping it's just stress and that my sister's visit and a week away will help that. When that started a couple months before mom died, I wasn't sure what was happening.
Anyway, the gardens are doing great and all this heat and humidity is making everything grow fast and huge! Will be picking cherry tomatoes, yellow and zucchini squash and peppers this weekend. Got bags of leaf lettuce in the fridge and the raspberries will need picking by the weekend. Blanche's black raspberry patch is huge and I'm hoping to get a couple batches of jam from them. May even make some ice cream and sauce for ice cream.
Took the solar cover off the pool to keep the water from getting too warm or it won't be worth getting into in this heat! One storm filled the water barrels and I have been using that to water daily. Will need a couple storms to refill them by Thursday. I'm hoping for a huge savings on our water bill because of these barrels and the new washer my sil bought. I was hesitant to have to use one of the new high efficiency washers and dryer, but have since come to love them! Washer is done in less than 30 minutes and the clothes are practically dry after the spin cycle so the dryer only runs for 30 minutes too!!! Less water and way less electricity are making me smile! And the clothes are cleaner than ever.
Now if we could only find a way to save on heating fuel, it would make life so much easier.
Jen, I hear you! Same old crap!!! It seems to never change. Are you getting the heat like Rip?
Sharyn, How is your daughter doing? Has she calmed down towards you? It's hard enough to have to worry from a distance, but knowing she is upset with you has to make it worse. Thinking about you bath and hoping things will work out!
Bobbie!!!!! All the right words as usual! I'm thinking we all should be able to enjoy what bit of life we have left, especially after all we have done for others!
Time for bed! Hoping I sleep peacefully tonight and don't have any unwanted visitors!
Love Deef!
I will get the blood done this week and maybe try to switch the TV for a rake i am physically rested now at least and I think it might be a better option, least i get some vitamin D excersize and release. but i just have to learn to not overdo it now as i still do need to paint and my arms aren't able to take much wear n tear i have discovered, it is an adjustment as well to realize you cant do things you used to. and just pray i can pull off these deadlines....all i can do
Hi Jen...rainbows at 4am, sound lovely!!
Take care everyone and thank you so much for being here!!!
Peace,
Juju
I know what it feels like to feel absolutely alone. It's one of the reasons I started reading and posting on this site and about 4 months after my first post I started this thread.
The people posting here were so supportive of what I was enduring but my damage was already done. I didn't start here until I was 5 years of 24/7 caregiving and construction and was totally burned out and very sick.
I can relate to you because of the living out of boxes, the total lack of any kind of help or support. I had no one who came in, even for a few hours a week.
My mom was a bear until the last 2 years or so and by then it was full on bathing, bathroom and dressing duty in addition to the construction and all the crazy that goes with that.
I was able to put her in respite care but I was flying coast to coast every week handling her business so I can't really count that as 'respite' for me. It was just a different level of exhaustion and stress.
I hear you Juju and all I can say is that you are not alone in that we are here and we hear you. We can't come and make it better but we can listen and tell you that you're not nuts, you're dealing and coping the best you can given the circumstances.
If you need to veg out in front of the tube, then you do it and you do it without any guilt. Please don't allow what someone else thinks to have any influence on what you need to do for you. And don't over think what needs to be done as well. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to that.
You have endured insanity in your living situation and you are experiencing grief on many levels. You are trying to be superhuman and are trying to do the job of 3 people. Cut yourself a break!
As far as your health is concerned, at least you have insurance and if you could only set one goal, go get your bloodwork and start down the path of recovering your health. Don't be like me and wait too long so it comes back and bites you in the ass!
Set one goal a week and see if you can do that. Take it easy on yourself and maybe when you get your results from your bloodwork you can set another goal.
The stuff you need to get done will get done but maybe not on someone else's schedule.
You are a caregiver so please give care to yourself and the rest of the world will just have to understand. If they don't then screw them. You have enough just in keeping a house and your mom and yourself.
Keep venting and ranting! It works!
lovbob
Thank you again for the support.... It started 2 weeks ago. I painted the ceiling before the floors went in and it wiped me out physically. I was so sore in the arms i could not barely get mom taken care of so i took a day off and just was bum, layed around watching TV with mom and 1 day turned into 3-4 and then ever since then I cant seem to do much. I poop out by mid day after the chores! I know i have so much to do but i think it is approaching some painful subjects I have fear of dealing with therefore i am tuning out. I have been just sitting in front of the TV for a good part of 2weeks. i reflected on it and believe it is the only activity that takes me out of my head, stops the negative thoughts but it is also stopping the positive too..I am frustrated with myself, tell myself to get up but i have no physical motivation. Also i got really frustrated to because all the work i am trying to do is so hard on me now with the arm issues...i have been stuck on many projects at times just because i need a second person to assist, so i have to wait till my caregiver comes or ??? I really have no one in this town to call on to assist me, physically or just for emotional sounding board.......which brings up the whole family issue...that i have no family, what a vicsious circle.... anyway i do get so upset about it and feel so disconnected from the world. I do not know anyone who has no family. I mean i have cousins but we are not close were raised in different parts of the country and only met couple of times in childhood. Everyone has someone, their kids, spouse, siblings etc....but I have no one, and the more i am stuck in this house with ma, the worse that feeling is getting....It is the scariest thing in the world to know you are all alone....
Also adding to that frustration is the physical issues….like I said I was so sore for a few days I could barely use my hands. I need them! It hurt so bad to grab moms pad and roll her for diaper changes. That takes a grip and some strength
And then the no time off! Not having a day off and away from my workplace is brutal…. It has been five years since I had a full day off and only a handful in 10ys. Like any job people need to get away from it now n then. Its funny I know I should not be hard on me like you all sed but it is not me….it is the situation being hard on me… i get it, the why of the situation why I am burnout but it doesn’t change it. things will not improve on the front of moms needs…it is only going to get harder. Because I get it, I just keep telling myself just do the best you can and what will be will be, but that feeds the procrastination rather than helps me. I justify being flaky with the excuse…it’s ok, your burned out, but the reality is the facts remain and stuff has to get done! The world is not going to understand or accommodate my situation.
I already am letting myself go too I have health insurance now and they just need a blood test to check over then they will set me up with a therapist. I have not gone to do it, why….why….why????? It has been four months…. And I am becoming increasing grumpy again as the stress builds... I want to enjoy her again like where I got before her medical and home issues blew up last summer
was so fortunate to have some good time with her last may after making some progress here I really had a breakthrough and was so happy for a little while, then the nitemare with the hospital, wanda dies, my local friends n I don’t get along anymore, we get thrown in a hotel, mom goes thru another medical nitemare with the broken leg, I put Romeo my baby down cuz I cant clean up after him anymore, and I turn 50…and living out of boxes for 11 months, here I am grumpy again. I Just want to wake up and enjoy the day not dread the tasks!!! Least I don’t wake up in fear of “is this the day I walk in and she not breathing” thoughts anymore.
Anyway, I just cant get ahead all alone and I better start facing that fact, and rethink this whole situation here. I feel like a failure but who could win in my situation…. I want to take care of my momma, she is my whole world but I am only human!!!
Thanks for letting me rant.
Meanwhile, when I say I'm driving across town to Blanche's, it's only a couple miles. The small town I live in only has a bit over 10,000 residents and is very small. But with current gas prices, it's not cheap going back and forth 2 times a day. Sure hope your cold is a mild one. Nothing worse than a summer cold. You are lucky to have Indio! Send him out here to teach my husband a thing or two!
Sharyn, so hoping everything will be alright with your daughter and the twins. So stressful for all of you! I think you are right to back off for now. Neither of you needs the added stress at this point!
Hello Glad! I know what it means to not go anywhere for years! My sibs always had excuses as to why they couldn't stay with Mom so I could get away for a few days. Hope you get to go somewhere soon!
Juju, We've all been there and it's good that you popped in. We all do the best we can and we all push ourselves into the black hole. The thing is, you crawled out long enough to tell us what's going on and we are here for you. Write when you feel up to it and go easy on yourself!
Jen, every day I turn on the computer I wonder if it will crash. They are both older and probably should be replaced.
Bobbie!!! You got me beat by a few lbs. It's amazing how extra weight can cause all kinds of health issues. I just pulled out all my skinny clothes that I fit into 4 years ago. Most of them fit again and that makes me feel so good!
Boy, eyes are closing here! Not a lot of sleep last night, so I'm off to feed the cats and then bed!!!
Good Week all! Jen
This man at work.. is he a customer or a co-worker?
He said he is watching? what the hey?
If he's a co-worker tell him less watching and more helping and if he's not a co-worker call the cops!
Happy you are feeling a little better Meanwhile. I love the low humidity and I love that you have those animals.
Meanwhile, I would love to see your animals and you on your horse. That has got to be a beautiful thing.
I know what you mean about clothes falling apart. I have a pair of pants that I paint in and they're getting pretty thin but I'm going to wait until I feel that telltale breeze and then they will be cut up for rags.
I just can't justify shopping anywhere but Goodwill for work clothes. I love that shorts are under 5 bucks and already broken in and soft.
Jen wants to see the gator and I want to see Jen! C'mon!
Hope you are feeling better after your ordeal.
It's 5:15 am here and I am having a cup of joe and waiting for enough light to go down on the dock.
We had a transient boat come in yesterday and they are from Canada and speak French. Thankfully they also speak English or there would have been a lot of sign language going on.
They are on their way to Stuart, FL and will pull the boat and put her on the hard and then in November (after hurricane season) have her put on a cargo ship and taken to St Thomas where they have a condo. *sigh*
They are very nice and when they were up here in the office/apartment the wife ran the socks off of the Cat. I told the wife where the Cat's toys were and she played with her for oven an hour.
The husband fell asleep on the couch in the clubhouse. They couldn't believe how nice and comfortable it was. We tiptoed around and he got a good nap then I had one of the restaurants here come and pick them up for dinner.
Happy campers.
I feel very fortunate that I have found a little spot to be in. I don't know how long it will last because everything in life is temporary but hey, I am going to enjoy it while I can.
Deef!!
OK, one more cuppa and then down to the dock.
lovbob
I think I forgot to clock out at work tonight, I will call them in the morning to let them know I won't be at that store until Monday as I am working 2 different stores this week. A man at work asked me if I had a problem working by myself, I no, my only problem is having to close both bakery and deli and how huge the department is...all the walking back and forth to get things done. Then I asked him, why do you ask? He said because I am watching. After he walked away, I thought, is he watching me!!! I plan to ask him next time I see him.
Meanwhile, I am glad you are feeling better. Summer colds can be a nuisance with being congested during the heat.
Take care everyone and hope your Sunday is relaxing!!
Good for you Bobbi, I lost 20 pounds last year, and 2 pounds so far this year. I need to lose more. I keep telling myself I'm not going to buy new clothes until I lose more weight, but at the rate I'm going, my clothes are going to fall apart 1st.
Feeling better today. Went for a short ride early before it got too hot. It was 99 degrees here, but low humidity. Spent the afternoon painting a rental house. Then took the dogs for a 2 mile walk.
I wanna see the alligator!
20lbs is great Bobbie, keep it up....maybe you can work the aging rapper into your comedy act, you already have the costume.
Juju- just tackle one thing at a time, see about getting extensions on the deadlines if possible. Hang in there!
Thank you everyone, I am just stressed out as I have some looming deadlines that I don't think I can make for stuff that is so important to me/us.....
Have a nice weekend all!
SharynMarie, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is in the hospital with her twins. Glad her care is good and sorry to hear about her husband's grandfather.
Meanwhile! a summer cold. Ugh. A good angel to care for you. Yay!
Pretty sweet not being alone to cope with everything. Tell Indio we all want to put in in the Clone Closet so we can have more Indios!
Deef!! good for you and Blanche's AC. Nothing beats not sweltering.
Yes, there are some characters here for sure. It's a decent job for an older woman even though it can be physically demanding. That's the part that keeps me going and going and going…. haha
The heat index here will be 100 degrees with the humidity set at stupid. All I can do is go on the dock before the sun is up and bang out most of the outside work but then have to go out at whatever time the high tide is and wrestle with the marsh grass that's under the clubhouse.
Juju!! good to see you and everyone is right: don't hammer yourself and this thread is here so you can vent and say anything you want. We just are happy to hear from you and glad for you that you have a functioning kitchen and that the house is getting there.
What you are doing is the hardest thing you will ever have to do and all of us can attest to that. Adding major construction to that is insane and I can attest to that because of what I did when I was a caregiver. It about killed me and I am grateful just to be alive now. I didn't think I would make it.
Jen! WooHoo, July is almost here and you get to swim! I wish I could swim but there's a gator in the water here so I am not of a mind to give it an arm or a leg or torso…
Cuz! How is everyone in your neck of the woods? How's your boat? You know that if you guys made it down here you can fish off my dinghy. I have a little 15 horse Evenrude and the dink will get up on plane with only me in it but not if someone is sitting midship or in the bow.
I know things are tough all over but just wanted to throw that out there.
I remember 4th of July with you guys when I was a kid and they are some of my best childhood memories. Silver Lake!
Austin! What's going on?
Gladimhere! good advice and good to see you.
Mame!! Where are you?
Kuli! Thinking about you.
If any of our old crew read this, just check in and say: Still Kicking!
I am getting a better grip on my health issues and have lost almost 20 pounds with more to go but will be happy with this for the time being. It's amazing how I just didn't care about myself for so long and it really came back to bite me in the ass. At least there's less ass to take a bite out of now.
I refuse to go to Goodwill and buy more shorts until these I have fall off of me when I stand up. I'm almost there! They used to be tight and come about 4" above my knees and now they are loose and hang just below my knees so I look like an aged rapper. The baggy t-shirt covers the rest haha.
So, what is everyone doing for the 4th? Any plans?
OK, time to check the dryer and get my painting clothes out and finish this thing so the guy can pick it up next week and pay me!
lovbob
Keep yourself busy to try to keep your stress level down.
Meanwhile~sounds like a great meal, you are blessed. Hope your cold does not amount to too much.
Jen~Great swimming for July, glad you are feeling better.
Juju~Don't be so hard on yourself...you have accomplished so much. A social life would be nice for all of us...mine consists for getting it from work with customer service. If you need to come here to vent, that is ok....we all do it and we all have done it for long periods of time until things settled down. Continue to come back as often as you need to.
My daughter was hospitalized today for preeclampsia. They are giving her steroid injections to strengthen the boys lungs as she has a 50/50 chance of delivering this weekend. She is due Sept. 19. The boys currently weigh 2lb 10 oz. I know the medical field has a good handle on how to treat preemies,. but I am still worried for her..no baby shower this weekend. Yes Deef, this is one friend she does not need. My daughter's hubby has been out here in Cali as his grandfather is in final stages of colon cancer. He planned to return home tomorrow, but changed his plans and left today. I am just waiting on updates...not planning on going to Idaho unless it gets more serious...my being there is not going to change things and she is getting excellent care.
Goodness Deef, I hope you get paid for gas mileage as many trips as you have to make over to Blanche's house.
I still am working on the painting it has become a nitemare due to the issues i am having with my hands/arms and all the prepwork and problems have run into.... I hope to get it done within a week. Then just the masterbath is left to complete, drywaller should be here next week then we can finish that up. I am excited to have it all completed soon... and get the other more than half our stuff outta storage.
Dads bday was yesterday that always gets to me too.....takes me down memory lane....I did have a good cry yesterday too....good being relative, there was tear flow! So anyway, although i am so burnt out and flat things aren't as bad as they once were a year and a half ago I am sure it is because of you all and knowing you are here....even if i do not actively participate much lately!