Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Ow Meanwhile, 32 years is a lifetime to be with someone, man or beast and then have that taken away.
Mame! Susan! sorry to you guys as well for your animals. sux.

I was overcome with a sobbing spell yesterday. Anniversary of my dad's death and I came across a picture while I was poking around in iPhoto. It was of me, crying, laying on my parent's graves and in the background you can see a U-Haul truck with my car on the trailer. It was all I had left after all of the estate and yard sales and I was leaving that part of the world probably never to return.
It just about killed me and I'm still kind of in a daze.
Life goes on and I am trying my best to keep focused on today and tomorrow instead of yesterday and last year. It's hard sometimes but I know it can be done.

lovbob

Sorry about Monty, Jen. I haven't posted this last week, because I've been bummed out about losing my sister's old horse on Easter Sunday. He was 32 years, and I know it was his time, but still miss the old guy.

Soooooo sorry Jen. Know what it is like-lost my dog-suddenly, about two weeks after mom went to hosp and then to NH. Such a shock. We so love our furry friends. Hugs to you! Mame

Jen, I'm SO sorry to hear about Monty. It's horrible to lose our furry friends. I had to let one of mine go over 7 years ago, and the hurt is still just as fresh. It's one thing to watch them grow old and pass naturally...it's completely different to know you have to let them go prematurely. :-( I feel for you and you'll be in my thoughts.

Babygirl...

Thank you bobbie...just wiped out here...

Oh Jen!
I am so sorry to hear about Monty!
Oh girl, you are dealing with too much and now Monty is gone. Oh Jen I wish we could get you out of there!
Love you Jen and hope you know how much you mean to us.
lovbob

I had to put my Pug Monty to sleep yesterday morning, he was having mini heart attacks. Could not watch him suffer. Suffering here now really bad...
Another stinko and back grandpa is going to shitty himself and NOT changing his depends, mom's in there trying to clean him up and he is trying to make excuses that the bathroom was occupied...yeah from 6 AM to 11 AM just couldn't get in there...God when does this end...? "Do you want to go back to the nursing home?" She asked him..."No!" Just can't see cause and effect anymore...Jen

Ohhh my. Today is going to be one of those days.

Mom sat in her chair for a few hours this morning, tooting away, as usual. Normally, those "toots" are fairly innocuous - no major odor or mess, just noisy. Well....today is a little different. Apparently the strain of tooting also released a wee bit of poo, plus more than a wee bit of pee. We have a family party to go to today (bidding farewell to a nosy, annoying relative who is moving to another state - yay), so I asked her to please shower - a request she resisted, as usual, and said she was going to lay down for a bit first. (She sleeps only about an hour or two at a time, has done so for years, docs can't find any medical or psychological reason for it.)

Sooo...in the process of getting out of her chair and over to her bed - a distance of about 10 feet - she left a large poo stain on her chair pad (thank God for those pads), a large wet spot on the chair pad, and a trail of dribbles across the floor. When she went to get into her bed, I noticed a stream running down her leg and tried to stop her so we could get her to the bathroom to clean up before she laid down. No success there - she flopped into bed and stayed there. So now, she's laying there, snoring away, marinating in it. Her incontinence pad must be saturated through or shifted away from the "target zone"...so I can only imagine the mess I'm going to have when she gets up.

So now I have to get all of my day's work done for my clients before noon, get Mom up in the next 10 minutes so she can shower, change her sheets, see if her mattress pad has sustained any damage/wetness and take care of that, make sure she showers and gets ready for the party, and then try to pick up a dish to pass, greeting card and gift for the party - all before noon or 12:30-ish.

We did receive free samples from one of the incontinence product websites yesterday, so I've insisted that she try one of those out today, because the pads just aren't cutting it anymore. So hopefully those will help - but if she had listened to me and put one on last night, we wouldn't be in this situation today....

Someone is going to have to buy me a new desk...I have a rather large, head-sized dent in mine.....

Ok, rant over. Back to work.

Headbanger!!
Hey there and so good to see you!

It will be 21 years in the next day for my dad's death and 4 years for mom in May.

It gets easier I think but everyone goes their own speed.

We have shared the pooh chronicles and raised a glass to Headbanger more than once.
We love you girl, good to see you and hope you check in again real soon!

lovbob

I must have heard Bobbie mention pooh and voilà here I am. Magic I tell you!

I wanted to stop in and give you ladies a big hug. Your days are hard and your nights are harder. I'm still in remission from caregiving. I say that because while Grandma has been ringing her cowbell in heaven coming up on three years..... both my parents are now starting to plan for the inevitable.

I see some old topics never go away. I found the pooh chronicles and laughed at my rage. Looking back at some of my blogs I find it hard to believe that I could write so much on such a "crappy" subject. This thread and the people in it saved my life by allowing me to blow off my steam. I will always be grateful.

Salutes to Bobbie! I'll stop in again soon.

Hugs to all!
Headbanger

one day at a time..and broken down into hours when you have to eh...

ypiffani.... YOU POOR THING!! LOL!!! Sorry to tell you this but... your days from poop h**l was MY bright/funny/seriously belly laughed bright point :D if it wasn't so darn tragic, your dad would be FUNNY!! I fell of the couch laughing when I read the "Eat his poopy shorts".... HAHAHAHA!!!!! I caught my dog doing that once... trust me, she will never eat another pair of undies again!!!

I'm just going to pray my mom doesn't get that bad... so far its only hiding of the toilet tissue she consumes by the handfuls (I'm starting to think she actually goes in the tissues) but then I see big piles in the toilet which she forgot flushes ..

Im not sure I can change a diaper.... OH NO!

ypiffani -

Oh my...that sounds like the day from h**l. I'll be keeping your story in mind as I yet again clean up the dribbles from Mom, and reminding myself that at least she's not smearing it on the walls. Could be so much worse.

Keep us posted on your situation with the VA. I hope they can help you find a place for Dad.

Ypiff, I know it's against the law, but as long as someone is at home with him, double locking deadbolts keep them from walking away. The last 2 years mom was in a wheelchair and it made things much easier. Although there is little paint left on the doorways and some chunks of wood missing from when she actually could get herself around. Eventually she lost the know how to even do that. Best you find a facility that has a special unit for someone like your dad. That's not going to be easy. Do you live in an area where there are lots of elder services? Usually your local senior center has people on staff that will know all the ins and outs of senior services. Check with them first. And good luck with your dad!

Jen, radishes are a favorite of mine and I always have some in the house. Very easy to grow. They like the cooler months and now is a great time to plant them. When they start to grow, you have to thin them out so that they have space to grow. Other than that, just keep them watered. Leaf lettuce is much the same and will keep producing the more you pick.
My raspberry plants are sprouting green leaves and lots of new shoots are coming up from the ground. Hoping for a bigger crop than last year. They too are very easy to grow and like the cooler weather in the fall. The kids put in 1 plant 3 years ago and now we have an 8'x10' patch!!! They do spread like wildfire!!!
Sorry about Monty! Got to make a decision about Tut, but I need to have some $$ first.
I just got back from a trip to Walmart because Blanche called me and said she was hiding things so "they" couldn't find them. "They" are the people on TV that she thinks are talking to her and are in her house. From what I can decipher, she is not sleeping at night because she keeps going into the living room to see if "they" are in there!!! So I started to think like any good demented person would and bought a magnetic curtain rod and a black curtain that I will cut and sew into 2 short curtains. I'm going to stick the rod across the top of her TV and hang the curtains from it. When she turns the TV off, she can cover it with the black curtains. She had a similar problem with her bedroom mirror and I haven't heard a word about that since I covered it with towels. Keeping my fingers crossed because if that doesn't work, my BIL will have to fly up from Virginia and figure out what to do with his mom.
On a good note, I drove to Northampton today to Webs, the yarn store. I needed to get the h**l out of here for awhile and the 40 minute drive alone was heaven!!! Even though I am broke, I did buy some yarn and needles that were on sale. I recently taught myself the Continental method of knitting because my bad shoulder gives out when I knit the way I learned as a kid. The "speed" knitting method is much easier on my shoulder and arm. Of course I also had to teach myself Norwegian purling and that was a bit trickier, but I've been practicing and it's getting easier. It's hard to break 57 year old habits!
Sharyn, There has been a sink full of dishes here all day. Do you think my husband would have gotten off the couch long enough to do them? Hah!!! Guess what? I'm not doing them this time! I want to play with my new yarn and sew those TV curtains!
Bobbie!!!! I sure could use some of that there BOAT TIME!!!!!

beh, hear ya...back on poop patrol here as well...last night at 4AM mom heard him rooting around and went in, he was TRYING ON A SUIT!!! it means he got up stood in closet leaning over grabbing at it pulled it out put it on in half light.."Just to see if it fit..." What for the coffin you mean?... is my thought...She said she'd take it out and he snapped to "just leave it where it is!!!" and when he was up later at 5AM she went in and he snapped "What do you want?!" God this just keeps getting better...
oh tests back, nothing is wrong with his liver...
Monty, our 14 year old Pug, had a mini stroke just as mom was taking fp to the doctor (for the third time this week...God just give us a break sometime soon...
Deef I got my tomatoes and strawberries in radish sounds cool... a lot of work?

Hope the rest of the week goes well for us all...Jen

Deefer... he has been wandering, he imagines he's helping some neighbor find their cat( had the police helping us on that one).He imagines there are wasps attacking him and he tries to escape the house, found him in the alley with his pants down around his ankles booking it around the corner of the block. He wandered outside in 10 degree weather and couldn't remember why... heard him knocking at the door at 2am wanting in... LUCKILY because I never heard him leave even with the alarms on all of the doors.
He has been in pull ups for years, since he got out of the hospital 5years ago.
wow... Blanche sounds fun!! maybe she and Dad should date... though he'd have to tell his other girlfriend... she's invisible to everyone but him. I caught them doing IT and now she's too embarrassed to let me see her!!! hehe
Thanks for the comment, blessed be you and yours!

Deef !! Boat Time!!

Welcome ypiffani! If he's smearing poop down the walls, just do what you have to do to get him placed. Whatever you do he's going to be pissed.
It's Dementia. Just is.

Keep venting!!

lovbob

Ypiffani, wow! The worst of the worst! Mom had dementia and Parkinsons. She was incontinent but never played with her poo. Can you at least get him to wear pullups? Good luck placing him because he sounds like a real handful for you. It will be much worse when he starts to wander. I was glad when mom had to be in a wheelchair. It was better for her own safety and it was easier to keep her out of trouble.
Just got back from a doctor visit with Blanche and she is doing well. She wanted to leave the house at 10:30, but I made her eat some eggs and sausage and stalled her a bit. We left a half hour early factoring her slow walking, the rain and trying to find a parking space at the hospital. We were still 15 minutes early and never saw the doctor until after noon! I was waiting for Blanche to start a ruckus and throw in a few choice words on the matter, but she behaved for a change!!! Got her home and fed her lunch and now I'm off to find something I can cover her TV with at night. Already had to put towels over her bedroom mirror last month. Thinks people are watching her in bed. She believes the people on the TV are really in her house and are talking even when it's off. Talk about reliving moments with my mom!! So I need to get a shade or rig something she can pull down to cover the TV screen at night so she will stop talking about those people in the "black thing"!
Hope you all have a good day!
Deef

Grossed out, completely! My Dad as Dementia ... its getting worse. He has been pooping himself everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. He will "clean" it up by hiding it under the bath mat or clumping it into his pants, his dogs eat his briefs after that... yummy! I walked into the bathroom the other day and found him smearing it down the wall... seriously. I KNOW he is acting out because I'm working with the VA to get him into a facility. I almost regret keeping him in the loop about it but I won't stoop that low to making life decisions for him with out his knowledge. I mean anymore than the minor crap like changing any soda he drinks to caffine free because he goes BAT $%^& when he gets caffine. wish my brother knew this trick. He has totally stopped brushing his teeth too...and whoopee! that's a great experience. He will poop himself and then when I ask? Dad, didja poop? he says NO like a three year old. He peed on my head again when I was helping him in the shower, I am bonkers... I drove to the convenience store for a cup of ice and thought it was an actual vacation... I honestly became giddy! It was dark, I was outside. There was air and music and no poo anywhere!!

Yep! You got that right Sharyn. The breaks get longer and OUR work is never done!!

Deef~I had to chuckle at your response about your husband always relaxing. That sounds so similar to my hubby. When he does do work in the yard or house, he takes long breaks so it drags the whole thing out to hours since his breaks are longer than the time he spends working, LOL!!

Where, Hang in there! Mom accused me of all kinds of things in the beginning. Try changing the subject. Redirect her focus onto something else. Arguing with her will only make things worse.
Celtic, Hilarious! Have many of those type stories myself.
SusanA, Been there, done that! Many times over... The worst was not the poo or pee, but cleaning up the washer and redoing the clothes after trying to shake all those beads off! But even better was the fact that it happened more than once due to being overtired and oblivious from constant caregiving. Have you tried pullup? Have your mom put them on then put her regular undies over them. She may forget she has them on and you will have less messes! I always had a "ditty" bag packed for ER visits, doctor appointments, etc. I used to pack extra meds, diapers, snacks, water, and my knitting or e-reader, especially for those long ER visits.
Cuz, sorry to hear about your MIL.
Mame, So glad you could spring your mom for the holiday! And yes, getting outside at the NH is always a good thing!
Sharyn, I used to shave Mom's "whiskers" with an electric razor. She always laughed when I said " men lose their hair when they get older, we women grow it in places we don't want it." As for husbands, mine is always relaxing. I told him yesterday that if relaxed as much as him, I would be dead!!! I do all the yard work and housework with some help from my daughter and son in law when they have time off. I already pruned the raspberry patch and cleaned it out and pulled weeds out of the vegetable garden patches today. Tomorrow I'm going to plant some radishes and leaf lettuce. I'll be getting my tomato plants soon and some herbs to grow in pots. we'll plant the cukes, tomatoes, squash, peppers and beans at the end of May.
Jen, My daughter planted all kinds of flowers last year and then got a promotion and didn't have time to weed and water them. I was still busy with mom and then she died at the end of July and things got crazy for me. I told her to get less flowers because I had enough work keeping up the vegetable gardens. Then the canning and then the salsa and jam making season hits and I'm busy until late October.
Bobbie, I hear you about the wind! It's been awful here! Lots of branches and trees down last week after heavy rains and very high winds for a couple days. It's finally warming up here. The grass is growing and the daffodils are here a month later than usual.
Been busy with Blanche as she is very needy after her 2 week bout with a bad cold. She tires easily after a bit of exertion but is much better. I have to take her to a doctor appointment on Wednesday.
Had to take my big cat "Tut" to the Vet. He has an ongoing problem with an ear infection. Turns out he has a huge polyp blocking his ear canal and causing mouth issues too. Cost me $340 I didn't have to spend and now I need to take him to see a surgeon to get the ear treated. $150 just for a consultation!!! Hoping for an easy fix.
My 2nd floor tenants are moving out at the end of the month, so one side of the house will be empty for now. That means no more rent money to help with the bills! Just can't bring myself to rent Mom's apartment out yet. Will shut down everything on that side of the house for the winter to conserve on fuel and see how things go. Got lots of druggies in this neighborhood right now. One is being evicted soon and the others are on the way out too! D**n absentee landlords are killing us! Call the cops several times a week with plate #'s etc. to help them put these a'holes away!!! This neighborhood was never like this and I'll do what I have to, to get it cleaned up.
Off to bed soon. Have to feed the cats and give Tut his meds first.
Hope everyone is coping as best they can. It does get better eventually, but it takes a lot of work and time.
Deef

i ran out of space in the yard waste can. Will call tomorrow about getting a second can for our address even if we have to pay more as they only pick up every other week.

I have been doing a lot of yard work-at least the weather has been good-real spring temps as long as it does not get hot too fast-they predict a hot summer this year-I will have to go out earlier in the day if that happens'

Well I started weed eating tonight be aide I knew if I ran out of thrash hubby. Would stall. So yes a third of the way through I ran out of thread. Lol!! He went out and bought more for me cud he knows when I am on a mission ..nothing is going to stop me..unless I run out of beerlil!

Jen~You are right,,,we end up doing it because He/She isnt. It just adds to our plate that is already full. Hugs to you!!

Hear ya sharyn...it just has to get done and more and more it is me doing it...though my mom I know wants certain things done her way she knows she has no say...SHE isn't doing it!

My backyard especially is a disaster area. Tomorrow I am going weed eat it down because the fox tails are really bad and I don't want the cat or dog getting issues from fox tails in their ears or elsewhere. Hubby just wont take care of the backyard for some reason and I am no about to go head to head with him because it is a result of both of us not doing the work and I am not going to hear his issues about me since I have plenty to say about him as well, LOL!! I am just not wanting to split hairs over who is not doing this or that. Hubby is the one who mows while I am the one who weeds, prunes, waters. etc. Because I am having to maintain my mom's gardens, I have ignored my own. I love gardening , but our city gives one yard waste can and they pick up yard waste every other week. I noticed that some homes have 2 yard waste cans, I am going to call the city about getting 2 cans to handle our pruning needs so that our yard is better kept. If it costs more, then so what...hubby doesn't want to do the work while I am willing but need the the extra can for 8 months out of the year.

Perks me up too, just did another five hours in the yard. It's coming along....
G had the ultra sound...the supposed "Liver Ultrasound" turned into all internal organ view...??? Wonder when results come in...
Good week everyone....Jen