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... and thank gawd for those fantasy stories, huh? I'm long over my childhood trauma and spend a lot of my free time in a 3D Fantasy world. Works for me. Hang in there, Jen. The work you're talking about is a lifetime's worth, in my experience. There's no need to rush ................. I will add: one day, some day down the road, you'll face it. When you're strong enough. Love yourself until then. *hugs*
This is coming from an abuse survivor .. and with a lot of retrospective perspective. Here's a line that might work with the therapist, "Unless you'd like to join the ranks of my abusers, we need to back off. I am NOT in a safe space. I need to breathe. Right now I need coping skills, not a backhoe lesson."
Jen, You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Tell the therapist that you are at Critical Mass and it's not open for discussion.
It's been awhile since mom died and I can still get overwhelmed at the drop of a hat but am so much better than I was. It took doing other stuff and getting excited about other stuff as opposed to only suffering with what is hurting us. But that's me and everyone is different.
Jen, you are still in the trenches and I can only imagine how hard it is to be in your shoes and coping with what you're coping with past and present. No one has the right to load any more on you. It's just a symptom that your therapist doesn't understand fully what you are dealing with. *sigh*
Remember that we have to empower ourselves to tune up a professional when they lose sight of what we really need.
Jen you are not a drag you have been through so much and you do not see a light at the end of the tunnel-wished I lived closer to you so could give you a hug in person and get you away from all that you have to deal with all the time.
Agreed, my mom says when she gets to that point she'd just assume be in a care center herself...
Really hard time here just now, my therapist after 8 visits and an opening of "Do you want to do more cognitive behavioral work or do processing of your past abuse type work" has now said all of the sudden, she wants us to consider doing trauma work...She is opening with all these exercises to help deal with the stress and pain of bringing up the abuse in my life....saying it is all up to me what we do...what the pace is etc...GOOD, cause we are not gonna do it...!!!
Guess what!? I AM NOT IN A SAFE PLACE NOW!!!! From what I have read doing abuse healing really takes a lot of hard painful work and you need to be a a place where you are stable to tackle it...WELL GUESS WHAT?! I AM NOT IN A STABLE PLACE RIGHT NOW, I HAVE BEEN HOSPITALIZED TWICE THIS YEAR AND AFTER FIVE YEARS OF CARE-GIVING FOR MY PERVERTED GRANDFATHER AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED IA M STILL IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION!!!!
I really have enough on my plate right now, to choke a horse and I do not feel remotely able to re start doing my "Inner Child Work" trust issues, forgiveness, intensive regression and what ever hair brained idea she has decided on...I also note, she has "Mentioned me to a few colleagues" (she is in her last year of Master is Psychology) No names of course...but I am getting the feeling, I am sort of a Guinea pig here...That is not going to work. My life, my pace, my choice. I want to work on the here and now...It is making me suicidal just to think about this now...I have ALL I CAN HANDLE RIGHT NOW!!!! I do not see why this has come up all of the sudden. Though she has to do paper work and for this you need legitimate diagnoses and she has found out I do indeed have PTSD along with anxiety, clinical depression and a dependent personality disorder...Doesn't that sound like enough to deal with, without adding the dredging up of incest, emotional and physical abuse of my blighted childhood...? God I feel sick! When is it enough? I have had enough just leave me alone! I am so stressed, I have taken to reading fantasy stories to get as far away for HERE and NOW as I possibly can..
God I am Thankful for the Grossed Thread, I know I am a drag and annoying but I can't imagine not having it here. Anyone who doesn't get it...IS LUCKY!!!!
Deeramsey is correct that we will all have to face our elder years and the illnesses associated with it. I do have children, but don't want them changing my diaper. Since I have such a strong family history of Alzheimer's on both sides...I took out a long term health policy on myself. Hubby didn't want one for himself.
On September 26th, my husband suffered a mild stroke after he got to work. He had two pin point size blood clots on both sides of the brain that affected the speech center. He has been back to work for a week and half now, is having speech therapy once a week. He is doing great....I am making sure our diet is low sodium. We both like spicy food so I use cayenne pepper/lemon juice a lot and can reduce the salt on our food by spicing it up. I am not cooking as much beef, more chicken, fish, turkey and lots and lots of veggies. Mushrooms are a great protein substitute too. Hubby is doing fairly well on the smoking issue...but I need the patch and my paychecks have been small so I haven't been able to start using it....I know...I'm bad. I will get there though.
Same, here, bob .. no kids, no siblings likely to take it on (two dead-beat brothers and a disabled sis) .. I just hope that when it's my turn P.A.C.E has a room for me.
Wow Mame! Hard to believe that it's been 2 years, right? I hear what you're saying as far as our kids caring for us when and if we get to that place. I don't have any kids so I will have to take the trawler out into the middle of the ocean and try to care for myself. Who knows what will happen then but I know one thing for sure: We have to live the best we can now no matter what circumstance we are in.
Glad you are here Mame and Austin! All of you guys, each and every one, I am grateful to you all.
Mame I also was saved by this site more than 5 yrs. ago-I will never forget how fearful I was and to my friends I was invisible-the husband got all their attention and prayers how the hell did they think he was doing so well-it was all me-I looked like something a cat dragged in but he looked great-and besides he abused me. The folks here are the best in the world-thank God I came out alive-didn't think that would happen.
One thing that Deeramsey said, no one has commented on, and I think it is very important. She said one day our kids would have to care for us. I have had many discussions with my boys about this. I do not want them to care for me. My oldest asked-"what if we want to?" Precious young man. I advised my sons that unless they are making tons of money and have a "wing" in their house for me and a full time caregiver or nurse, that I do not want to be in their home for them or their wives to have to care for. Being on call 24/7/365 with monitors and video cameras and wiping my butt is not what I want for them-period. So, it is long term care insurance for me and the hubby or Thelma and Louiseing it off a cliff for us! I love my mom. I never dreamed she would live this long-she was so bad when she moved in. I did it out of love and continue to do it out of love-but it I so hard, lonely, frustrating, lonely... There are moments that I will cherish forever. But no, my children will not care for me when I am old and infirm. This has just made me-(even tho for 9 years now I have not been able to work for money and retirement) try to plan for that time of our life all the more so we won't be a burden to anyone. Come visit me...take me home for a meal on a Sunday-whatever...or like some of my siblings have done with our mom, forget about me altogether or just don't visit-whatever. I will have no expectations because I have seen how disappointing it can be. I have learned things about my sibs that I wish I never had. This is not an easy job. Mentally or physically. One cousin said to me once the she "knows she could not take her mom in and care for her." I will someday ask her how she knew. I went into this all starry eyed-thinking with six sibs that this would not be a problem-and besides, how long could she last? And each time she goes through one of her 9 lives which is more like 29 now-she says-"Fooled ya!" Thank God for her sense of humor. And her good nature. I also know that it is because of my taking her in that she has had these 9 years cause I have taken good care of her. She has been happy. Safe. Loved. And that makes me feel good and proud of myself. But it has taken it's toll on me. Anyway, we who have been through this need a plan, and a health care proxy-very detailed! Some of us have no children to care for us in our old age...so...what will be done? While I am in my right mind, I am making decisions for my future as well as my children. I don't want this for them. Now I will step off my soap box. Thanks for reading. Love you all for saving me when I was so lonely 2 yrs ago and found this thread! Don't know where I would be without you all! Praying for all of you out there! Mame
deer...yeah we all have issue in our lives. I can understand what you said very well. Most of us hope to be either dead earlier, or fade out gracefully or have professional nursing care and NOT be the incredibly stressful, for some sometime rewarding burden on loved ones that care giving is for so many. Another back ground of NO care here...If I was really dishing out what I got when I was a needy vulnerable child...I'd be in prison now...I"m the better person, my grandfather is the pervert who I have the task of looking after and he can't die soon enough for me, and it's his own fault! I AM DOING WHAT IS RIGHT, So is my mom and it is killing her all out of love for a parent (she hated her mother). We have the lives we have and do our best. I live in a constant feeling of fear, contempt and hope. Hope he dies in his sleep BEFORE he takes my mother from me from sheer stress... If that's wrong, so be it. I am ugly in the eyes of god, but I am doing what has to be done! Every Single Day for five years now. When I pray, I pray the most selfish, hurtful prayers imaginable...Please God let me wake up and him be gone so I can be with my mom and be safe...Yes, send me to HELL! It'd be a vacation! Jen
Whether you are for or against Obama Care....the following is clever and funny:
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the ### holes in Washington.
Dee~I apologize as well. This thread gets attacked by newcomers more than any other thread and really...we all are doing the best we can taking care of our loved ones, watching them decline is the hardest thing I have had to do as well as everyone else. If you come here, get to know people, you will see how much love everyone has for each other and their loved ones too. God Bless!!
What we need now is for Cuz to show up and post a joke. Deer! page back a few pages and catch some of Cuz's jokes. He's a good guy and my cousin for real. Probably feels like crud because he had some skin abbienormals cut off a few days ago and they went in deep. How you feeling Cuz?
Once again, welcome to the home of vent and live and thanks for posting again and once again, it means a lot to us.
Thanks Deeramsey, We appreciate that more than you know.
Every now and again we get judgemental folks who get on us for dealing with someone else's Dementia in our own way and dealing with it the best we can.
You had a tough row to hoe caring for both of your parents like you did and I know the pain of having your mom and dad die right by your side. So many of us have lost our parents and we miss them like crazy but we don't miss that insane disease that robbed us of our parents long before their physical selves stopped.
Like I said three and a half years ago: So sick of being disgusted. I love her but oh man.
It was just hard as we now know that you know and I figured that venting and cracking jokes about it was way better than taking it out on my mom. With over 500 different people posting on this thread and chiming in with their own goofiness we have all learned that we are not alone and we have had some laughs in the process.
Welcome to the home of Vent and Live. This thread has been supporting exhausted and heartbroken caregivers past and present since February of 2010. This site has been at it way longer. You are in good company.
just so everyone knows,,i know God,,also i am not judging anyone,it is not my place to,also yes i helped care for my mother when she had alzheimers,,i was holding her hand when she passed.i also helped care for my dad when he was dying of cancer.i never said it was easy and yes it can be frustrating.i went through alot growing up as well..but we let all that go.our parents didn't ask to be sick as we will not ask to be sick.i never meant to offend anyone and maybe i worded things wrong.i guess maybe i looked at it as caring for a child,i apologize if i offended anyone.i have been there and know how hard it can be.
bbobbie-i don't get angry often and I know these people are probably hurting too, but they really need to look through the thread more. I am not a 24/7caregiver but it is still stressful and if I didn't find the humorous or read what others post as humorous I would be so depressed. My moms newest thing is she is worried about getting a job. She could probably get a job but she wont remember where she works,lol! I could be sad about this...but hey...I am lucky if I remember the right time I have to be at work since I work different shifts from one day to the next, lol!
You're right LadeeC about not needing to be a 24/7/etc to see when the sun is up..... The reality show it wouldn't be depressing if we concentrated on the humor we rely on to get through the day.
lildeb! Yup that's me: good for nothing jerk! Glad you figured that out! They finally got the Internet worked out over here and hopefully it will stay worked out for awhile. I haven't relied on someone else wi-fi before and it can be iffy.
Mame: I think about moving the boat up to Maine one summer and of course when we started this adventure I had visions of taking her through the St Lawrence Seaway and down into the Great Lakes but she would have to be de-masted to get through Chicago to go down the rest of the Loop. Sure would love to see Maine from the coast though.
Took my fat butt walking this morning and now I have a blister on my toes where my sandals rubbed. I don't have any other shoes believe it or not. I am just now starting to care about myself again and it's been 3 and a half years since mom died. Going to have to go and get some sneakers or something.
Kuli! write if you can and try and stay out of the dark zone! We're here and we get it.
Jen! what's up at the Stalag today?
OK, the dockmaster is gone again and we have the dock so off to see about dock stuff. Will check in later.
Just gotta pop in and say that we don't all have to be 24/7/365 (I'm 24/4/52 weeks) caregivers to recognize a self-important pompous twit, when we see them. Seems to me, sometimes, that the most cold-hearted and judgmental people are the "god-fearin' " ones (and I'm not limiting that comment to the christian ones, either). Anyone who thinks THEIR way is the only way, hasn't walked down more than one path in life and they were probably wearing blinders while they did it.
I know!! We'll start a new reality TV show: "Caregiver Blues .. Walk in MY Shoes!" Meh .. it'd be too depressing and no one would watch. *deflates* Oh, well.
Mame. Count me in! I have trouble with ragweed. I hope your allergy mess goes away real soon. Bobbie, u no good for nothing, jk. Glad u was able to get on n the internet stuff can be a mess sometimes n a challenge. It’s nice to know u r doing okay. As for Word, I type mine up for I was getting tired of my post zapping away. It was very frustration. U know there is never getting away from the poo n for the cat, that is one smart cat! lol Kuli, so sorry n sending u hugs. Cuz, omg! He should have that discussion with you on how intense n the amount of stitches it would take. I would be pist off with him. I would let him know u like to be a little bit more informed about the procedures. Not too much u can do about the bro., but offer the suggestion about how the exercise can only help him n that’s probable about it for they have to make up their own mind to help them. Well, I hope the swelling has went down n those stitches heal soon. Do they have to pull them out as well or r those the type that dissolve in time? That was something about the Id10 n it took my ole but a few times n not until u had it spelled out. Cute. I hope u r able to get some rest. Jen, I hope all is doing okay with you n your situation. I have no clue of what the SSI n that lady wanted u to do. I would see if u could ask her. Austin, glad u r enjoying yourself n the lobsters. Deeramsey, U can take your opinion somewhere else! U need to remember that he does see n hear everything n those who go making judgments on people u don’t have the slightest clue. I will be the better person n say a prayer for your ignorance! Sharyn, I am so tired of folks coming on here n bla… before they even know the person n their situation. I am .Not even wasting my breath n time. They need to go practice what they preach. I sometimes wonder if there is someone that does that to stir up hate n discontent. Anyway, I hope everyone has a good weekend.
Sharynmarie! Good to see from you and never ever worry about taking advantage of a OBMAJ moment.... You are a lot more tolerant that I am about to be.
Hey deeramsey:
Bite Me and go to church today and ask God to forgive you for being a judgemental, sanctimonious a$$.
I looked up your profile and Yup! You posted the same tripe to 2 different threads and these are the only posts you have. So my guess is that you are probably not a 24/7/365 caregiver and that you have no clue what's coming down the road if you are.
There's plently of place to preace about god but this ain't one of them because WE don't like ugly and we don't like cold hearted 'ppl' like you: always the first to judge and then tell you about their god. stuff it.
Deeramsey~I am so happy that you have a close loving relationship with parents who love, respect and admire you. However, many of us did not get that from our parents. An example is when I had to fend off a molest attempt by my sister in laws older brother when I was 14. My parents told me it was my fault because i wanted to leave my brothers wedding reception to go to a football game with my friends. My brother's new brother in law said he would take me home to change and then take me to the high school. My mother was hesitant in letting me go...she worked with this man and knew he was a womanizer but everyone pressured her to let me go.Then later my parents used this info to hurt my brother and his wife (the sister of the man who attempted to molest me). Yes sweetie...if I want to make fun of my mother or father while I am taking care of them in their older years because it relieves the stress...I will do it...because I can. There is humor in everything and if you are soooo serious that you can't find humor...then don't judge those of us who do.
Sorry everyone on this thread but I had to let it out in a non humorous way!!
some of you really amaze me..just remember you would be old one day too and your kids will have to take care of you just like your having to take care of your parents. Yes things get frustrating but just as well as your getting frustrated with them they got just as frustrating with you as you where growing up. This is the time where you should be HELPING them instead of talking crap about them. It shows that there is still cold hearted ppl in this world and even worse when its the one who took care of you when you were in need.. REMEMBER GOD sees everything and hears everything (even the words not said out loud) He dont like ugly... You wouldnt want your kids doing the same thing yall are doing to your parents..WOW..
195austin I watch "murder she wrote!" I just love where she lives is this near maine I want to go there and eat lobsters so jealous i wanna go now! "cabot cove"
Bobbie thanks for asking about me-just got back from Maine with my sister-missed my honey like crazy but the lobsters we ate were great -they may not have that craft show anymore but we will still go up to Maine -we love it so much. I will get caught up with all you guys soon-the weather here in the NE is perfect this weekend-got my winter clothes all ready-won't be long till I need them. Trying a new recipe tonight-I just look cooking for my honey-I thank God every day for this chance for happiness in my life after all the shitty years gone by with the husband and my horrible childhood-I do not take anything for granted.
Good hearing from you Bobbi. Don't give up Jen. Something has to come around eventually. Juju, hope your getting your house put back together. What a job.
Glad your bits are getting seen too cuz hope they are the last of them!
bobmiester! Wish i could be there and smell the water and sea the ocean forever...
Wish I could understand what the hell the legal aid lady wanted me to get from SSI. Even SSI didn' t get it...You know, If I could DOo this on my own, I wouldn't NEED the damn SSI!Jen
Cuz! Jeeze! Sorry your are sliced and diced but at least they got the stuff off of you. Cuz you got boat time again! I know that you are a good heart and that you share your boat time and Jen has a bunch of boat time racked up between hers and a few of yours. Sweet guy. I'll tell you one thing Cuz, you are a good writer!
Hope you are feeling better Mame. I know you're probably not yet but hope you are coming along.
Hey there LadeeC!
Oh Kuli, you know we think of you all the time. I know that your dad's passing anniversary is coming and you just think of yourself like the beach being washed clean with the tides. The grief and the memories overcome us and then recede. Love you Kuli.
Jen! check in again and let us know what's up at FP's House of Pain. Jen I am not leaving this boat! Frustrating not being able to stay online for more than a few minutes... They are changing out the cable provider here and the work orders got messed up and it has been going on for over a month. Comcast got into a pissing match with AT&T and then they both ended up committing an ID10T error and of course we were able to enjoy the results. Kind of like Congress.
Comcast doodled with it late this afternoon and I think it may be going ok but am paranoid that it will all go to pieces and I will lose the post. I know I should put it together in Word and then bang it in here but am not that organized haha.
It is the middle of the night here in the low country and there are giant birds on the dock. The Cat is sitting beside me and is alerting to the outside but has no desire to go out there because these things are HUGE. Great Blue Heron and egrets and other teradactyl looking things that only show up at night and leave large pools of evidence all over the docks that we hose off in the morning.
What's with it that I am still cleaning up poop? I heard that birds have no spincters and the poop just flies out. Gee whiz and there you have it. Now the black birds are everywhere. They have their own program and I guess the wierd noises we hear outside are the big birds and their turf wars with the black birds and the morning comes and you're walking the gauntlet up the dock. Of course we are at the very end...
Not kidding about the noises. If the wind is coming out of the NorthEast, the boat gets pushed against the dock and rubs on her big fenders and they squeak and complain. The boat is real heavy so while she is pushing against the dock the dock moves (floating dock on cement pilings) and the rollers on the pilings squeak and complain especially when the tide is out and the rollers are rubbing against the barnacles and oysters on the pilings. So between the squeaking and the rubbing and the squawking and the snoring (boat angel) and the wind howling through the rigging it is a real concerto haha.
At least with the wind going you don't get chewed up by the No See Ums. They will carry you away. You can stand on the dock or on the big deck and be minding your own business and there will be a cloud around your head like that kid Pig Pen in the Peanuts comics. They bite and can raise a welt on you and of course I am a scratcher so I had to get stuff to put on to kill the itching because I wore a hole in myself trying to get it to quit. Ok, that's a bit of boat life for the moment. Not complaining at all, just telling the tale.
I wish for all of you guys to be at peace and to find some laughs somewhere and I know that it isn't going to happen because of the circumstances of your individual situations. Please try and do the best you can to take care of yourselves.
There's a life after caregiving and there are those of us who have survived so far. It's been almost 3 and a half years since my mom died and I still can get overwhelmed by the grief but I try so hard to stay sane.
We watch Jon Stewart and the Daily Show and the Colbert Report in the morning on Hulu on the computer and that starts the day with some laughs. Sure beats starting the day with regular news!
Thanks for posting the jokes cuz! I tell them to the folks here and they get a charge out of them. Tell Mike and everyone I am thinking of them.
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You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Tell the therapist that you are at Critical Mass and it's not open for discussion.
It's been awhile since mom died and I can still get overwhelmed at the drop of a hat but am so much better than I was. It took doing other stuff and getting excited about other stuff as opposed to only suffering with what is hurting us.
But that's me and everyone is different.
Jen, you are still in the trenches and I can only imagine how hard it is to be in your shoes and coping with what you're coping with past and present. No one has the right to load any more on you. It's just a symptom that your therapist doesn't understand fully what you are dealing with. *sigh*
Remember that we have to empower ourselves to tune up a professional when they lose sight of what we really need.
Love you Jen and thinkoftheboathtinkoftheboat.
lovbob
Really hard time here just now, my therapist after 8 visits and an opening of "Do you want to do more cognitive behavioral work or do processing of your past abuse type work" has now said all of the sudden, she wants us to consider doing trauma work...She is opening with all these exercises to help deal with the stress and pain of bringing up the abuse in my life....saying it is all up to me what we do...what the pace is etc...GOOD, cause we are not gonna do it...!!!
Guess what!? I AM NOT IN A SAFE PLACE NOW!!!! From what I have read doing abuse healing really takes a lot of hard painful work and you need to be a a place where you are stable to tackle it...WELL GUESS WHAT?! I AM NOT IN A STABLE PLACE RIGHT NOW, I HAVE BEEN HOSPITALIZED TWICE THIS YEAR AND AFTER FIVE YEARS OF CARE-GIVING FOR MY PERVERTED GRANDFATHER AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED IA M STILL IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION!!!!
I really have enough on my plate right now, to choke a horse and I do not feel remotely able to re start doing my "Inner Child Work" trust issues, forgiveness, intensive regression and what ever hair brained idea she has decided on...I also note, she has "Mentioned me to a few colleagues" (she is in her last year of Master is Psychology) No names of course...but I am getting the feeling, I am sort of a Guinea pig here...That is not going to work. My life, my pace, my choice. I want to work on the here and now...It is making me suicidal just to think about this now...I have ALL I CAN HANDLE RIGHT NOW!!!! I do not see why this has come up all of the sudden. Though she has to do paper work and for this you need legitimate diagnoses and she has found out I do indeed have PTSD along with anxiety, clinical depression and a dependent personality disorder...Doesn't that sound like enough to deal with, without adding the dredging up of incest, emotional and physical abuse of my blighted childhood...? God I feel sick! When is it enough? I have had enough just leave me alone! I am so stressed, I have taken to reading fantasy stories to get as far away for HERE and NOW as I possibly can..
God I am Thankful for the Grossed Thread, I know I am a drag and annoying but I can't imagine not having it here. Anyone who doesn't get it...IS LUCKY!!!!
beh Jen
On September 26th, my husband suffered a mild stroke after he got to work. He had two pin point size blood clots on both sides of the brain that affected the speech center. He has been back to work for a week and half now, is having speech therapy once a week. He is doing great....I am making sure our diet is low sodium. We both like spicy food so I use cayenne pepper/lemon juice a lot and can reduce the salt on our food by spicing it up. I am not cooking as much beef, more chicken, fish, turkey and lots and lots of veggies. Mushrooms are a great protein substitute too. Hubby is doing fairly well on the smoking issue...but I need the patch and my paychecks have been small so I haven't been able to start using it....I know...I'm bad. I will get there though.
Hard to believe that it's been 2 years, right?
I hear what you're saying as far as our kids caring for us when and if we get to that place.
I don't have any kids so I will have to take the trawler out into the middle of the ocean and try to care for myself.
Who knows what will happen then but I know one thing for sure:
We have to live the best we can now no matter what circumstance we are in.
Glad you are here Mame and Austin! All of you guys, each and every one, I am grateful to you all.
lovbob
Now I will step off my soap box. Thanks for reading.
Love you all for saving me when I was so lonely 2 yrs ago and found this thread! Don't know where I would be without you all!
Praying for all of you out there! Mame
deer...yeah we all have issue in our lives. I can understand what you said very well. Most of us hope to be either dead earlier, or fade out gracefully or have professional nursing care and NOT be the incredibly stressful, for some sometime rewarding burden on loved ones that care giving is for so many. Another back ground of NO care here...If I was really dishing out what I got when I was a needy vulnerable child...I'd be in prison now...I"m the better person, my grandfather is the pervert who I have the task of looking after and he can't die soon enough for me, and it's his own fault!
I AM DOING WHAT IS RIGHT, So is my mom and it is killing her all out of love for a parent (she hated her mother). We have the lives we have and do our best. I live in a constant feeling of fear, contempt and hope. Hope he dies in his sleep BEFORE he takes my mother from me from sheer stress...
If that's wrong, so be it. I am ugly in the eyes of god, but I am doing what has to be done! Every Single Day for five years now. When I pray, I pray the most selfish, hurtful prayers imaginable...Please God let me wake up and him be gone so I can be with my mom and be safe...Yes, send me to HELL! It'd be a vacation! Jen
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the ### holes in Washington.
What we need now is for Cuz to show up and post a joke.
Deer! page back a few pages and catch some of Cuz's jokes. He's a good guy and my cousin for real.
Probably feels like crud because he had some skin abbienormals cut off a few days ago and they went in deep. How you feeling Cuz?
Once again, welcome to the home of vent and live and thanks for posting again and once again, it means a lot to us.
lovbob
We appreciate that more than you know.
Every now and again we get judgemental folks who get on us for dealing with someone else's Dementia in our own way and dealing with it the best we can.
You had a tough row to hoe caring for both of your parents like you did and I know the pain of having your mom and dad die right by your side. So many of us have lost our parents and we miss them like crazy but we don't miss that insane disease that robbed us of our parents long before their physical selves stopped.
Like I said three and a half years ago:
So sick of being disgusted. I love her but oh man.
It was just hard as we now know that you know and I figured that venting and cracking jokes about it was way better than taking it out on my mom.
With over 500 different people posting on this thread and chiming in with their own goofiness we have all learned that we are not alone and we have had some laughs in the process.
Welcome to the home of Vent and Live. This thread has been supporting exhausted and heartbroken caregivers past and present since February of 2010. This site has been at it way longer.
You are in good company.
lovbob
The reality show it wouldn't be depressing if we concentrated on the humor we rely on to get through the day.
lildeb! Yup that's me: good for nothing jerk! Glad you figured that out! They finally got the Internet worked out over here and hopefully it will stay worked out for awhile. I haven't relied on someone else wi-fi before and it can be iffy.
Mame: I think about moving the boat up to Maine one summer and of course when we started this adventure I had visions of taking her through the St Lawrence Seaway and down into the Great Lakes but she would have to be de-masted to get through Chicago to go down the rest of the Loop.
Sure would love to see Maine from the coast though.
Took my fat butt walking this morning and now I have a blister on my toes where my sandals rubbed. I don't have any other shoes believe it or not. I am just now starting to care about myself again and it's been 3 and a half years since mom died. Going to have to go and get some sneakers or something.
Kuli! write if you can and try and stay out of the dark zone! We're here and we get it.
Jen! what's up at the Stalag today?
OK, the dockmaster is gone again and we have the dock so off to see about dock stuff. Will check in later.
lovbob
I know!! We'll start a new reality TV show: "Caregiver Blues .. Walk in MY Shoes!" Meh .. it'd be too depressing and no one would watch. *deflates* Oh, well.
Bobbie, u no good for nothing, jk. Glad u was able to get on n the internet stuff can be a mess sometimes n a challenge. It’s nice to know u r doing okay. As for Word, I type mine up for I was getting tired of my post zapping away. It was very frustration. U know there is never getting away from the poo n for the cat, that is one smart cat! lol
Kuli, so sorry n sending u hugs.
Cuz, omg! He should have that discussion with you on how intense n the amount of stitches it would take. I would be pist off with him. I would let him know u like to be a little bit more informed about the procedures. Not too much u can do about the bro., but offer the suggestion about how the exercise can only help him n that’s probable about it for they have to make up their own mind to help them. Well, I hope the swelling has went down n those stitches heal soon. Do they have to pull them out as well or r those the type that dissolve in time?
That was something about the Id10 n it took my ole but a few times n not until u had it spelled out. Cute. I hope u r able to get some rest.
Jen, I hope all is doing okay with you n your situation. I have no clue of what the SSI n that lady wanted u to do. I would see if u could ask her.
Austin, glad u r enjoying yourself n the lobsters.
Deeramsey, U can take your opinion somewhere else! U need to remember that he does see n hear everything n those who go making judgments on people u don’t have the slightest clue. I will be the better person n say a prayer for your ignorance!
Sharyn, I am so tired of folks coming on here n bla… before they even know the person n their situation. I am .Not even wasting my breath n time. They need to go practice what they preach. I sometimes wonder if there is someone that does that to stir up hate n discontent.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a good weekend.
Hey deeramsey:
Bite Me and go to church today and ask God to forgive you for being a judgemental, sanctimonious a$$.
I looked up your profile and Yup! You posted the same tripe to 2 different threads and these are the only posts you have.
So my guess is that you are probably not a 24/7/365 caregiver and that you have no clue what's coming down the road if you are.
There's plently of place to preace about god but this ain't one of them because WE don't like ugly and we don't like cold hearted 'ppl' like you: always the first to judge and then tell you about their god.
stuff it.
captainbob
Sorry everyone on this thread but I had to let it out in a non humorous way!!
Juju, hope your getting your house put back together. What a job.
bobmiester! Wish i could be there and smell the water and sea the ocean forever...
Wish I could understand what the hell the legal aid lady wanted me to get from SSI. Even SSI didn' t get it...You know, If I could DOo this on my own, I wouldn't NEED the damn SSI!Jen
Sorry your are sliced and diced but at least they got the stuff off of you.
Cuz you got boat time again! I know that you are a good heart and that you share your boat time and Jen has a bunch of boat time racked up between hers and a few of yours. Sweet guy.
I'll tell you one thing Cuz, you are a good writer!
Hope you are feeling better Mame. I know you're probably not yet but hope you are coming along.
Hey there LadeeC!
Oh Kuli, you know we think of you all the time. I know that your dad's passing anniversary is coming and you just think of yourself like the beach being washed clean with the tides. The grief and the memories overcome us and then recede. Love you Kuli.
Jen! check in again and let us know what's up at FP's House of Pain.
Jen I am not leaving this boat! Frustrating not being able to stay online for more than a few minutes... They are changing out the cable provider here and the work orders got messed up and it has been going on for over a month.
Comcast got into a pissing match with AT&T and then they both ended up committing an ID10T error and of course we were able to enjoy the results.
Kind of like Congress.
Comcast doodled with it late this afternoon and I think it may be going ok but am paranoid that it will all go to pieces and I will lose the post. I know I should put it together in Word and then bang it in here but am not that organized haha.
It is the middle of the night here in the low country and there are giant birds on the dock. The Cat is sitting beside me and is alerting to the outside but has no desire to go out there because these things are HUGE. Great Blue Heron and egrets and other teradactyl looking things that only show up at night and leave large pools of evidence all over the docks that we hose off in the morning.
What's with it that I am still cleaning up poop? I heard that birds have no spincters and the poop just flies out. Gee whiz and there you have it.
Now the black birds are everywhere. They have their own program and I guess the wierd noises we hear outside are the big birds and their turf wars with the black birds and the morning comes and you're walking the gauntlet up the dock.
Of course we are at the very end...
Not kidding about the noises.
If the wind is coming out of the NorthEast, the boat gets pushed against the dock and rubs on her big fenders and they squeak and complain. The boat is real heavy so while she is pushing against the dock the dock moves (floating dock on cement pilings) and the rollers on the pilings squeak and complain especially when the tide is out and the rollers are rubbing against the barnacles and oysters on the pilings.
So between the squeaking and the rubbing and the squawking and the snoring (boat angel) and the wind howling through the rigging it is a real concerto haha.
At least with the wind going you don't get chewed up by the No See Ums. They will carry you away. You can stand on the dock or on the big deck and be minding your own business and there will be a cloud around your head like that kid Pig Pen in the Peanuts comics. They bite and can raise a welt on you and of course I am a scratcher so I had to get stuff to put on to kill the itching because I wore a hole in myself trying to get it to quit.
Ok, that's a bit of boat life for the moment. Not complaining at all, just telling the tale.
I wish for all of you guys to be at peace and to find some laughs somewhere and I know that it isn't going to happen because of the circumstances of your individual situations. Please try and do the best you can to take care of yourselves.
There's a life after caregiving and there are those of us who have survived so far. It's been almost 3 and a half years since my mom died and I still can get overwhelmed by the grief but I try so hard to stay sane.
We watch Jon Stewart and the Daily Show and the Colbert Report in the morning on Hulu on the computer and that starts the day with some laughs. Sure beats starting the day with regular news!
Thanks for posting the jokes cuz! I tell them to the folks here and they get a charge out of them.
Tell Mike and everyone I am thinking of them.
love you guys more than you know,
lovbob