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The reason I am saying to ask your aging parents to downsize is to do so while everyone still has the energy to help sort, donate, and move into something more manageable.


My parents were in their mid to late 90's and still glued to their single family house. Once Mom passed a couple of months ago and Dad decided last month it was a good time to move to Independent Living, he now wants to sell the house ASAP.


Dad only took what he needed for his new apartment.... there is still a lot of furniture left in the house, kitchen cabinets with lot of cookware and glassware, not to mention the stuff in the garage, and everything in Dad's workshop in the basement [found a very old computer down there] and more stuff. I already tossed out a lot of clothes that I couldn't donate, and have bags of clothes to donate. I do plan to call an Estate Sale person to sell the items. But I need to throw the junk out first.


Whew, after work I am tired and that only give me maybe an hour each day to tackle one corner of one room. Oh my gosh, all the dust !!! Let's not forget about all the paperwork that ones elders keep. Like warranty booklets for things they no longer have. I dragged home several dozen 3-rings binders with financial info, as I now need to do the finances as Dad doesn't want to bother with it. Oh fun.


And there are things I would like to keep so now my family room at home looks like a flea market :P And there is more to cart home when I get the energy. Oh my gosh, as here I was trying to limit the things I have as I am senior myself, and would like to downsize before too long. It's hard to part with things that were part of my growing up.


So, once your Mom and Dad start to slow down, and you start to notice that they aren't keeping the house up, try to get them to sell and move into something smaller [it can still be a single family house but half the size], that way they would need to either donate, sell or toss out "stuff". I know it won't be easy. I would try to get my Mom to donate items, and to her that was one knick knack each year.... [sigh].



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An idea that I wished my parents would have done is to start gifting family heirlooms and knick knacks NOW!!!! Most seniors are either on a limited budget OR do not get around well enough to enjoy shopping. Instead, why not give golf clubs or a nice piece of crystal to the children and great grand children to mark Easter, graduation, weddings, birthdays or Christmas.

I saw a neat idea somebody had for the 40 days of lent this year. Find a large bag or box. Each day of lent, put a good piece of clothing, household item or whatever to donate to a thrift or charity store at the end of the observance.

GA, I feel your pain...it is overwhelming. I admire your approach of one corner of one room at a time.
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Mincemeat, great idea about passing out heirlooms and knick knacks while the relatives could enjoy them... not wondering now what will I do with this gravy boat that I am trying to downsize :P

I am only child with no children so all those things stops in its tracks. I need to figure out how to pass on these things to my cousins, but they are also senior citizens like myself and most don't have any children, either. Oh well, I will figure out something.
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FF, what about contacting a charity, or a church, to find a family in need that could use the items? You could also call 211 for assistance in finding a charity that could help locate a needy family.

There's also the St. Vincent and Sarah Fisher organization, which I believe even has a thrift shop in the SE Michigan area; I don't know whether it's a national charity though.

Another thought is to contact the closest military base and ask for contact information for the services family support groups. There might be a family in need that could use some assistance.

These suggestions would apply more toward clothing or old toys and such stuff (you did find some of your toys, didn't you?)

As to the old computers, perhaps there's a technological museum in the area that might want the old gems.
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GardenArtist, yes I found some of my childhood old wooden puzzles that I bet have lead paint. Oops.

I will see what an Estate Sale person can do, in fact I plan to add to my Mom's collection with my own dishes/glassware that I rarely, if ever, use. When was the last time any of us had neighbors over for tea and used our Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles? Or china service that has gold rim that sets off sparks if used in a microwave? Or used a silver place setting, beautiful stuff but I remember the folks and spoons had a odd taste.

What doesn't sell in the Estate Sale, I do have a nearby church sponsored place that takes a lot of goods, plus there is also a nearby Goodwill. Today I pulled out about a 100 VHS tapes that my parents had that I will need to go through and take to Goodwill [the only place that will take these old tapes]. For the past 10 years Dad said he was going to transfer the tapes to CD, but that never got done... [sigh].

And what is it with all the contact paper? My gosh, my Dad's desk had some type of contact paper that I can't get out. All the kitchen cabinets and drawers, contact paper. And old large speaker that I thought was wood grain, yep it was contact paper :) And need to figure out how to get all the backing fuzz off the antique wooden kitchen table from a vinyl tablecloth that my Mom had on the table for decades.
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My mother has contact paper on the the kitchen floor.
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I remember that contact paper was very popular years ago. I used to bring home those large Hammermill paper boxes that held about 10 reams of paper, and cover them with contact paper. I still have dozens of them filled with material.

Actually, I liked them as there were some really attractive patterns, and the boxes were free from work.
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I thought this to be the case until I read Kate Atkinson"s novel " A God in Ruins " where the author powerfully describes what it is like for the elderly parent to see their belongings downsized and feel they are being ushered out of this phase of their life. So I guess there is a balance between the practical and the emotional , I was certainly struck by her writing and understood more my parents reluctance to move. For UK readers on this site, there is an equivalent chat forum called agesapce.org which i have found as helpful for an insight into how the care system works in the uk .
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FF I still have nightmares about cleaning out my folks house so I feel for you. first off if you can get a dang roll off dumpster. We were lucky the folks who bought the house had one and we could add to it. They allowed us time after settlement to move more out as they were remodling the place. My advise as to the estate acutioneers is to be very careful. We hired a service with great referals and got taken big time. Antique shop, tons of antiques... diddly squat for parents. It is luck of the drawl... bad weather hurt us too ( december) Mom gave things to each cousin, then some of them bought some of the antiques.. but if they helped us with the clean out they got a lot free...
I love the idea of a service agency that may need stuff for fire victims, etc. I also traded out some of my things for parents much nicer stuff, let my stuff go to sale/goodwill. This is a horrible mess for those of us who get to deal with it.. my local goodwill knows me by name at this point as I am trying to clean out so MY daughter does not have to deal!
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Pam, thanks for the heads up on the Estate Sale people. I just want the big stuff out of the house, as the smaller things I can deal with if not sold.

GardenArtist, would you believe that coming soon we will see those 10 ream copy paper boxes be in decorative designs. I forgot which company will be doing those, I remember taking a survey last year through Quill to see which design boxes I liked. The designs were floral :)
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BTW you motivated me today! Hubs will be making a Goodwill run Monday as we have a new couch coming.. and I got a ton more stuff for him ( I was slowly going through stuff but with Mom away I was able to really get to it today!) Thank you!!
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This aging partent will downsize when I'm good and ready, thank you very much, and if my kids don't approve of and respect my decisions, tough!

(We are ALL aging. What is the alternative? You stop aging when you die.)

If I die tomorrow I truly pity my kids. I'm not ready, and they won't be ready. But anyone could die tomorrow. I'm not living my life based on that possibility.

I've acquired a lot of things that give me enjoyment to own. They won't mean anything to my descendants. So I expect I'll eventually clear them out, as I see my cousins doing gradually with their collections and unnecessary but fun items. And if I guess wrong about how much time I have left to downsize and my kids are stuck with the job, well, hey kids, I've done a whole lot of tasks for you over the years that weren't exactly fun or of my choosing. Suck it up and get it done. And if it really is all meaningless to you, just hire someone to clear stuff out. There ought to be enough value there to pay for the service.

I've got a load of stuff for the thrift store next week. I gave away a golf set last summer. I'm slowly sorting books for the used book store I use. I don't want the clutter around, either. But I'LL DECIDE what goes when. If one (or all) of the kids said, "Let me know if you want any help clearing some stuff out of the basement," I'd be grateful. If one said, "Mom, isn't it time to clear out these 500+ cake pans you've collected -- I don't want to have to deal with them after you die," it would be a good long time before I'd bake a cake for him again!

One person's clutter is another person's fond memories.
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This is a valuable discussion. With all the other issues of careing for elderly parents there's always the issue of the crazy amount of STUFF that has to be dealt with at some point. After my sibs died leaving me as the sole, long distance caregiver I was a year or so just assessing the situation, dealing with finances, meds, crisis and all the rest. I began chipping away at the STUFF a little at a time during each visit.

I use the strike from the shadows approach. This may not work if your folks are aware of every piece of dreck and junk in their universe but in my case with Dads dementia, Moms lack of mobility, and lots of naps I have been able to take a pretty good whack at the STUFF for the past couple of years.

GARAGE: It's an unattached garage so I can really go to town out there. I've gotten all the dangerous power tools out, a little at a time, chainsaws to nephews, electric hedge trimmers to neighbor etc. Also tons of junk hauled to the dump. So far Dad hasn't noticed. I've left just enough tools fo him to piddle around and this seems to work.

KITCHEN: OMG!! Every cabinet full of plastic and paper grocery bags, every microwave container since 1978, vega matics and a hundred other gizmos and appliances that are never used, every empty prescription pill bottle since the beginning of time, and on and on........All gone. Remember those nap times?

CLOSETS: A little trickier. Never know what Mom might go dredging up. Capri pants from 1962 maybe. But have taken huge loads to goodwill and to dump. How many pair of slippers is it possible for two people to accumulate? Amazing...

And so it goes on each trip home. Did I forget to mention the six tons of junk mail that Mom is saving to sort through later? That crap is so gone!

I'll still have a lot to do when the day comes but I've made a huge dent in the pile.
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Windy, I have found 100's of prescription pill bottle caps throughout the house. The bottle is gone but all those caps. Even caps from the milk cartons.

I don't know, maybe those were "trophies" of finally getting the darn bottle/carton opened :)

I know there were times I ready to use a reciprocating saw on a Tylenol bottle !!
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I had to empty out my parents home of thirty years. What I did was make a list of all the furniture and send it to my siblings telling them to check off what they wanted and come get it NOW. I put the names on the furniture and they walked around and filled their cars. Unfortunately, I was stuck doing the rest of the entire hoard of a five bedroom home full of the possessions of past dead relatives, parents wedding gifts, a full basement and attic. No body wanted anything. Just like Windy up there I had to deal with all the crap secretly.
I had to do this three more times with each hoarder parent separately after this till they are now in a NH. NUTS! ....Oh, another hint= if they offer you ANYTHING say thank you and donate or toss it- I even asked to have things saying Ooo! I love this may I have it? Load up the car and say thank you so much! :D
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JG I'll take the cake pans....LOL
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I think my mom didn't downsize out of spite. She always said she didn't care what I had to deal with. One 5 foot tall old lady in a 4 BR home FULL of junk, clothes, shoes, and unopened sheets from 1970. (Save them! I might have company!) Said the woman who detested the idea of other people in her home.

I have a 24" box full of underwear that's not my size, but I haven't been able to get it donated. I did find a merry widow in there from the late 1960s. Complete with stocking clips. Oy.

90% of the crap we moved 1800 miles has been donated and I feel like there's another 90% to get to. I know, it doesn't add up. I could have saved myself a metric truck load of grief and hard work by NOT moving it, but she had to have it all. Even the durn brass spitoon. She could have kept $3,000 in her bank account. But nooooooo.

If I had it to do over again, there are many things I'd do quite differently, but what did I know at the time?

My husband & I will downsize. Probably when the kids are gone & on their own. I have a ton of yarn for knitting and other craft supplies that take up a lot of space. Video games (we're nerds), and the stuff I "inherited" from other relatives that I can't dispose of until some more years pass. My house is where other peoples' things come to die. Uggg.
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FF, reciprocating saw? I'm impressed. AKA Sawzall....

J Gibbs, I'm so glad you're not my Mom. And I say that with affection....
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Pam, I loved your idea of traded out some of my things for parents stuff, thank you ;)

Now I will donate my tin containers that I use to hold paperclips and use some really sweet small but heavy china bowls that my Mom had in the kitchen. Also found my baby shoes that were coated in brass or whatever and made into bookends, will switch those out, too.

You idea is making it more enjoyable then just pawing through stuff.
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Windyridge, you realize that you are not getting your parents to downsize -- you are doing it for them, piece by piece. You are not doing less work than someone who don't do it until the parents die -- you are just spreading the work out at your convenience. Which is perfectly legitimate and may suit you better. But it is not the same as getting your parents to do some of the work while they are able.

I guess I never aspired to be your mom, so I'm not hurt that you wouldn't like that. :)

A thread that talks about downsizing OUR stuff would suit me better than one about getting our parents to do theirs.
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Jeannegibbs, I'm with you, been there, done that, got the plaque! My siblings and I downsized our parents 4 times, and now they are gone, but I am all for downsizing OUR house, and Windy, I have a bunch of old slippers too, now why is that? The second my FIL makes his final exit to wherever, that is the first thing we are doing, but it starts now! We have so much stuff, its incredible! And our four grown kids are all minimalists, I mean, very tidy, neat, a place for everything and everything in its place kind of kids! Where in the heck did they learn that?
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J Gibbs, true. I'm just spreading it out. My parents will never get rid of anything on there own. So the sneaky plan works for me. And you love all your stuff and it's no body's business etc. Well, your not a batty old lady quite yet but you will be. I can can just hear your kids bitching about you and all your stuff on this forum in a few years. But of course by then I probably will have forgotten how to get on line..........
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I have a recurring fantasy of what I'm going to do with the house if and when my mother dies. I see this big bulldozer leveling it in one huge sweep, carting the rubble off to the landfill where old houses rest in peace. The old, cluttered, poorly maintained house has tortured me for years. I cleaned it and repaired it so much, but it has been working with huge resistance and anger. It has also cost me money, since I was the only one who thought something was important enough to do.

I guess that the worst trick I could play on my brothers is dying before my mother does. Then they would have to deal with the albatross sitting on this lot.

Anyone who is not considering downsizing should consider that there will usually be one child who will be strapped with the task. That child will be a senior citizen most likely who is thinking just like we're thinking now. It may take months or a year of that child's life to deal with cleaning up the things that we just can't let go of. People with apartments or small places -- no problem. People with cluttered old houses -- big problem. Big cluttered houses are awful. They get dirty, with all kind of nastiness. I don't know how people live like this.

I have another vision of the demolition of this house. Evil spirits of hoarding coming up out of the ground, screaming "Where will we live now?"
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I begged my parents to downsize from the mansion they are in but my dad told me he'd died there first. Well, this year has started out very rough for my mom health wise, and now the wiring/electrical is failing. It's been getting there for some time but now the power will go out when the circuits get overloaded. Wash clothes and boom power goes out.

Yesterday I had a long time with him and just bluntly told him here's the deal straight up. Hey, you don't want to die in a fire here, right? No I don't he said. To my shock, he agreed it's time to move. Hub and I had already tour a facility 10 minutes away from us that she likes, but didn't want to go by herself. Now that he's on board it will make this easier. We're going back this weekend so he can see it. You all say so often it takes a crisis to force a needed change and you are all right! After they leave, then we'll start the cleanup of the 14 room house, and the hundreds of things that will need to be addressed, nice.....
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LOL - brings back memories! My sister & I drove from Maine to TN 2-3 times a year for 3 years before we got the house cleaned out (and moved my parents to independent living). I think one time we counted 22 trips to the city dump (with 8-10 bags each trip) and at least 8 trips to the thrift store to donate. They took only what they needed or wanted to use for their new place and things like their 20 year old mattress got tossed out. We bought them a new little couch and bed and linens for kitchen & bathroom. We were also finally able to use & enjoy the many embroidered pictures my Mom had made over her lifetime by having them framed and hung in their new, pretty apartment.

My folks were kids/young adults during the depression and WWII. My two favorites were the 40 years worth of aluminum pie pans crammed in one kitchen cabinet and the 7 feet of cardboard boxes stored in the attic (they'd get a box in the mail & throw the empty box in the attic in case they needed it later.

So yeah - I second the emotion - start the cleaning early if you're able to get your folks to do it!
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I opened up a little hall closet a while back and it was full, floor to ceiling, of stuff but mostly hundreds of slender, green plastic bags. Huh? Asked Mom. Oh, those are the slips the newspaper comes in. I was saving them to give back to the delivery guy so he could use them again. It would be such a waste to throw them all away. Bless her heart.......
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Aluminum or any metal, cardboard, plastics -- no problem, recycle container and recycle center. Nice clothes -- local mission. Worn out clothes and trash -- garbage bag. Biggest problem -- books, books, books, and all those other things that are too nice to throw away, but no one wants. They are so hard to dispose of. Biggest problem -- woman getting upset and screaming at me to just leave things alone.

I appreciate electronic books so much now. I have three solid walls plus four bookcases of books to make decisions about. They have ricing, so are not collectible. Why oh why did my mother ever join that book club? There were libraries that she could have visited. And did Dad really need all those sets of Bible commentaries and engineering books? I feel terrible throwing out these old references, but I don't know what to do with them when it comes time.

Maybe I can make an ad for Kindle, standing amongst all the books I'm trying to clean out when it comes time. "Don't do this to your children."
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Some public libraries accept book donations.

What is "ricing?"

Make a quick list of genres and quantity. Some elementary school libraries will accept book donations. If you have a vocational high school nearby you might be able to donate all those engineering books. The Bible commentaries may be of interest to the library of a parochial school. Many independent living and assisted living communities have a reading room and may be interested in popular books like mysteries, histories, science fiction, etc.
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:-D

NYD, I have no idea what ricing is. I meant foxing. Don't ask me where the ricing came from. I don't think I was thinking of rice at the moment.
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So what the hell is foxing?
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With my parents it wasn't just the stuff (they were really pretty good about that but it still adds up) but the house itself. They lived in a big brick farmhouse and my dad refused to do more than the minimum to keep it habitable. Why put in new windows or insulate, he often said it would all last as long as he did and you could buy a heck of a lot of propane for the money you would spend on upgrades. Well, in a way he was right, he died at are 75 and the house lasted as long as he did, but my mother continued to live there until she was over 90 and we were paying dang near $4K to heat the drafty "old barn".
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