I am new to this group and being a caregiver. My struggle today is this: How do I find the balance between what I feel and know my Mom needs and yet still have her feel like she hasn't lost her independence? I am getting resistance from her in some decisions I've made, like trying to get her a home care provider. She was insulted and very upset about it, that she wouldn't speak to me. Granted it was more for me then for her. I am simply looking for a way to get some help, from someone anyone. I am afraid to leave her at home alone, so it has gotten to the point that my life has been completely put on hold. I'm afraid to leave to run errands, or spend the day with my son because I don't trust her to be alone for hours at a time. I just want her to trust me. To trust my judgement and to trust my intentions. I do not want to make her feel less than or that her feelings and wants do not matter. I do not want to make her feel insignificant. I feel like I am making her unhappy. I do not know what to do
Has she been worked up for dementia?
I am new to this group and being a caregiver.
You have fond one of the better discussion groups. {My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2009.|}
she has or will lose her independence.
You will be getting resistance from her
She was insulted and very upset about it, that she wouldn't speak to me. Get used to having have tough love and taking charge.
I hope you have already engaged a eleder affairs attourney and have all the DPOA and mirriade of legal stuff in place.
You both must get some help
To trusting your judgement and intentions. Is historyI Forget about rational responses. we can run ourselve ragged trying to rationalize the irrational behaviors "Jolene Brackey, "Creating Moments of Joy"
Why do I choose to join groups. I frequently collect information from various Internet sources, and consolidate it.
Groups are a rich source for self education. As a Linker I associate and mash up information from different sources to generate new information. Reading , dissemination, information search, information organization, networking. This is all voluntary, I am very retired.
Remember your priorities. Who comes first? YOU DO. If you don't remember that, your days as an effective and kind caregiver are numbered.
Always remember that you're doing what you're doing out of love. That you're doing the very best you can. AND that you won't be able to please mom anywhere NEAR 100% of the time.
What I do now is pick my battles and step in when it's a biggie. I don't argue, I just take care of it and move on. I don't listen to protests or complaints. It has to be done, so I handle it. They adjust and get over it. Most of the time, my dad will hug me and tell me thanks. He'll say, I know you are just looking out for me. So, he knows, but sometimes, he won't listen.
We can't let the person who isn't using good judgment be the barometer. My satisfaction is that I know I did the right thing. Even if I don't get the hug and thank you.
Of course our parent(s) aren't going to listen to us, we just the "kid" and what do we know :0 I checked your profile, please add some information so that we have more information to work with.
By the way, my 97 year old Mom didn't want any caregivers in the house to help her or my Dad. I remember when a caregiver called me saying your Mom wants me to leave, I heard in the background my Mom saying "if we need any help we will call you". If only she would have accepted their help she might still be living at home instead being bedridden in hospice due to a serious fall :(
Balancing that with self-protection, your sanity, and techniques will be the hard parts, so listen to caregivers who have been there, as posted above.