I have another update on my mom

Golden, that is what my mother needs, placement with mental health issues. Gosh, I am really sorry for everything you went through but you also gave me HOPE because all of this happened when she was 100 years old!!!

OMG golden23!! I am crying!! Thank you for sharing your journey about your mother!!! OMG she was going to fly across the country at 100 years old without telling you?? Wow, that is unreal!!! I am so sorry you went through all of this. I really am. Thank you for your heartfelt answer. Wow, unbelievable!!! But so glad you found the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. I looked it up when Barbbrooklyn mentioned it to me before and my mother has these symptoms and characteristics of borderline personality disorder.

(((((((elaine))))))) I want to share that the journey with my mother that finally got her the right evaluation and care was not smooth nor short. In her 100th year she decided to fly across the country to start a new life there, without telling me or my sister. Fortunately they caught her at the airport as she didn't have the proper ID to purchase a ticket. I was on vacation and got a phone call from my dd who had been contacted by my niece who was told to call us by my sister who lives overseas. Niece demanded to know what I was doing about it. I said not much yet as I only just heard. Fortunately the airport personnel got mother's "number" quickly, got a social worker involved and mother agreed to be taken to a hospital. She had $2000 cash in her purse, and called a cousin that she was coming east though no other plans had been made, Incidentally the city she was to arrive in was at that that time flooded.

In hospital mother was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and prescribed some meds. I believe they suspected the start of dementia as well. She was also interviewed as to her future choices (I declined to be that that interview). I visited her, brought her batteries for her hearing aid aids and so on but never stayed long. I couldn't. She was at the time living in an AL, had developed some paranoia and delusions, accused some staff (hospital and AL) of poisoning her, also of stealing the $2000 which I found from her bank records she had deposited back into her account and more. In the hospital they did get her to agree to visits from a community psych nurse and psychiatrist. Of course in all of this she was deemed competent. I returned home and got crazy phone calls three times a day in the evenings which eventually I let go to voice mail. They were accusatory and very upsetting to me. I worked with the staff in the AL who were excellent, towards getting her evaluated by their house physician as being incompetent, They documented her "episodes". At the same time I was working with her case worker and the community psychiatrist. and after a few months made a trip to her city. Mother had totally snowed the psych nurse but not the others. Mother had stopped taking her meds and the psych asked to to try to get her to take them. I checked with the pharmacy she used as I was pretty sure mother would give me a story about the meds and then spoke to mother several times. She was nasty as expected, refused to take the meds and also spoke about suicide. I reported back to the psych. who said she wanted to place mother into a geripsych hospital willingly or not. I agreed and fortunately for all of us mother went voluntarily. There she got the assessments and meds that she needed and placement in an AL for seniors with mental health issues at about age 103. Not that that all went smoothly during her time in the hospital, but at least she was looked after by professionals which took a load off my mind.

Take heart - it often takes a crisis or two for professional care to kick in properly. You are doing the right things. Looking after yourself is of primary importance. Being up front is important and you are doing that. Pat yourself on the back. You are doing very well in very difficult circumstances.

Riverdale, thank you for your comment. Doctors, nurses, social workers can talk till their blue in the face and my mother will stay say NO!!! Since she’s competent and can stand upright, there is nothing anyone can do until a crises happens, fall or stroke etc.

Thinking about you Elaine. Perhaps no news is good or better news. I would hope with all these recent 911 calls and trips to ER that hospital staff or doctor could make it better known that your mother is really no longer capable of living alone not to mention the state her house is in. As I mentioned before when my mother was hospitalized after a fall a young doctor in ICU told me my mother should not continue to live alone after the first battery of tests came through. Hope you are coping as well as possible.

Lealonnie sending you a big hug and prayer for strength with your mom. Avoiding her is the best thing. Big hugs to you!!

Yes I am at work now commiserating with my best friend since 2nd grade!! Yup, we work together too!!

Thank you Plymouth!!! You and everyone here gives me strength to carry on!!! Pretty sure that’s a lyric to a song but I can’t think which song.

Lealonnie yes, she calls 911 and goes by ambulance to ER and they already told her they don’t make round trips!!

I will. Thank you Barbbrooklyn!!!

(((((Hugs)))))), Elaine! Keep working and stand strong. And hug that DH of yours!

Does she call 911 to get to the ER by ambulance?

I told her you brought her home on Monday. You can bring her home tonight. I was livid. Already she was whining she didn’t want the ER food that she wanted the HOSPITAL CAFETERIA food!!! So we aren’t getting her. She has nobody to pick her up

Wow, playing the guilt card on you at the hospital??? GOOD FOR YOU yelling at her! They have some nerve saying you're willing to send her home in a CAB, yet they're sending her HOME, to a hoarding den which is unsafe, and that's okay. Pure BS.
I think the only way to get through to her and to everyone is to stick to your guns and refuse to help her in any way. If she wants 'independence', this is what it looks and feels like, mother.

I just got home because I pulled into a parking lot to write to you. Now I’m home and my mother called my husband to come pick her up. He said no, you need to be in assisted living, the house is too much upkeep, you can’t take care of yourself and he finally had to hang up on her. Then someone from the hospital just called my cell phone telling me to pick her up. I said no call a cab. She said your willing to send a 95 year old woman in a cab by herself??? I went ballistic!! I said your willing to send a 95 year old woman home alone knowing it is an unsafe discharge and a failure to thrive???? I was screaming at her!!! I just hung up on her!!!!

My mothers primary doctor told me to go to the hospital face to face, show her the pictures of the house, unsafe discharge AND failure to thrive!!! I went up there to talk to the case manager. Same bullsh*t. Nothing they can do she is competent. I shouldn’t have gone in to see my mother (forgive me Barbbrooklyn for going in to see her). I SHOULD’NT have gone in. She is so thin and frail and she was fine until the case manager came in. She refuses assisted living. The doctor came in and tried to talk to her. She refuses to go anywhere and they CANT keep her. I told my mom and the doctor I can’t bring her home because I have to go eat dinner and go to work. She’s pissed at me. First time I did something she didn’t want me to do. I left her there!!! I said I’m going to work and left. The only thing I regret, was going in to see her. Barbbrooklyn has been right all along about her!!

Well, I'd like to say I'm surprised but I'm not. This is the new norm for your mom now; going back & forth to the ER. Sigh. Glad you are going to work and not jumping into the circus with her. That's what I'm doing with my mother too.......avoiding her so I don't have to deal with more of the same nonsense. It really is hard, I know, but it's the only way to save OURSELVES along this dreadful road they're on.

Sending you a great big hug and a prayer for strength

I’m sorry, Elaine. This has been such a roller coaster ride for you. I hope it goes well and will look for further updates. Sending you strength.