I have been working for a wonderful family, and have been caring for a 98 year old gentleman! I am stunned that I just lost my job.
I started in November 2019, and it was a perfect match.
As time went on the other woman that was a care partner (another care giver that lived on premise, was fired, as she had some previous issues, and I am not sure, other than she was completely hostile to me)
In January of 2020, Client remembered a woman and the woman/caregiver told me that she knew client was "in love with her" and she repeats that to me every time I see her. She goes out of her way to never show her face.
I am a person that is an advanced care professional, and with this family, I was greeted with very warm arms. Things were stressed with the first woman, and the 2nd woman, in my personal observation, I knew nothing about her other than the client was clearly obsessed with her. She quit last year because she did not want to have a relationship with him. She then decided to come back. Since January, 2020, every time I am on shift it is caregiver this, caregiver that, she is wonderful, and we had a talk and worked everything out. This client is 98 years old, with moments of delusions, as well as dementia, and at times, is completely lucid.
I was allowed to meet her, but I was not given a questions of what do you think? The reason I state this, is because, based on her communication, her lack of professionalism, and the reality that this family knew things and would not disclose to me, the important reason would be so that I do not walk right into a situation,
Meaning, caregiver had no issues up until 4/10/2020 saying "client loves me" I just give him a big hug.
Then on her watch he fell. Caregiver always darts downstairs to her room, and never comes upstairs where she is to be with client, unless it is necessary.
She is not absent, but in my eyes, I have realized very quickly that anything I said that was of concern regarding Clients health, or ADL, or anything of that nature, the daughter would always side with the Caregiver. I was a daughter of an Alzheimer's mom, and honestly there was so much peace, that this was very confusing.
I thought that I had a fabulous relationship with the Daughter and Son. The son made it clear he wanted nothing to do with this. They both said "we love you both like family".
In fact last Thursday, the daughter emailed me regarding the vacuum, as I said that there really needs to be a lighter vacuum but I want to be conscious of finances. She told me fabulous Idea, thank you and what did I think of this particular one. I said great.
I have never missed one day or one hour at this job.
In the beginning, it was very different. There is no care plan in writing. The POLST form just went up 2 months ago and I just found out the client had Kidney failure and Heart issues!!! I thought about it and thought, well it is clear that this family does not have the best communication with the caregivers, but as a family in home care provider, I am not there to tell them things they are doing wrong.
When I start, the first day, I ask them, I know that walking into each family, everyone has their differences as far as communication. What is the best way that I can assist you and your family. I was talking to the daughter. She said "we love the information that you send us, and you are very caring and really know what you are doing".
So I have been showing up Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Remember Caregiver 1 spends the night and is paid for that, as well as paid for 1 hour in the morning. The daughter did not want me to show up until 11:00.
I was always there before 11:00am, and the other caregiver would scoot as fast as she could before I could ever talk to her about the reality of the night and day! (seemed strange, but the family does not need two squabbling caregivers).
The client fell on an Iron table stand when it was on Client number 1's time. He was in the ER with a horrible bruise. To this day there are several variations of how he fell, but for me as an experienced caregiver it does not take
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I do like Caregiver #1, but it is apparent that there is some sort of closeness above and beyond what is appropriate, as she mentions it all the time, and says "then I give him a hug".
Today on April 14th, I was to show up tomorrow at 11:00 - 8:30. I received an email stating that I had been doing really well in certain areas, however there are two areas that she believes show my time management is not good.
I might add before this that the Daughter, said about 4 months ago that she sided with me, as before Caregiver 1 started, there was a routine to allow client more time that was autonomous, not so rigid. She said "i will back you", on the next Monday, she reversed that, and the hours were then 12:00 - 8:00. I stated this really sounds like you are not supporting me as you stated. I said, that is fine, but client, the easiest way to work with a group 1 or 2 is to be consistent, and this just totally confuses me. The Client was always telling me to stay, and that he did not want to go to bed at 8:00pm. I very quickly put that to bed, as a professional, I do believe that a client's safety, his fall issues, which again on caregiver number 1's shift, he had a small Tia, and she was very traumatized and said, this is a bit too much, and when he cannot walk, I am out of here. I said, oh, well what is it that you want to do? She said I don't know but I just keep on loving Client. He was obviously very obsessed with her because every other word was her name, and where is #1, and I would make something up. Again, it sure would have been nice to have been informed.
Today, I received an email from the daughter with no notice, nothing, and I felt things were going very well but I guess I am the fool, as she wrote me a lovely review stating I am paving the way, and education new care givers, the realities of being a caregiver, and the trust, faith, compassion, and belief's in yourself is so important. She stated how much she trusted me, and she said she treats me like I am part of the family.
She Terminated me today. I had never heard a word over it.
There were 2 incidences about 2 months ago. Instead of allowing her dad to make decisions for himself, because he is very lucid at times, I was to be out of there by 8:30, (for the caregiver's convenience)? A 5,000 square foot house. I said, ok, I did say a while back the fabulous part about Jim living at home is the spontaneity. Client loves to talk, about building, and things like that, he really enjoyed my husband alot, and at first that was wonderful for all. My husband was a volunteer.
One night and the exact day is
Feb. March. April: My husband was and want to volunteer to be the person during covid and before to do the grocery store shopper. Daughter thanked me as this was a blessing for her.
3/12/2020 Daughter has apartments with her husband, i purchased something to assist this woman, and she sent me a thank you note.
3/14/2020 left me a 5 star review on care.com
3/15/2020 A tia, she refused treatment at the hospital and sent him home.
3/26/2020 her father was frustrated for some reason. I had ribs cooking on low, and he did not want them, and was a bit angry, which is not a side of him that I ever see. I immediately asked him what he would rather have than ribs, and gave him soup that was home made, He felt much better.
I have a routine when I leave, and I absolutely failed to turn the oven that was low off. I immediately called the paid caregiver number 1, she answered and hung up. I called again and texted her, and she ignored me. I told her to please go upstairs and check on the oven. I heard nothing from Caregiver one other than "she sleeps with
3:27pm I again texted daughter, as she was wondering where her messages went, she was at the house, and I said that I did not know, and the only message I got was that you checked it. I apologized profusely, as I was staring at my phone waiting for her call and direction. Then daughter told me that Caregiver 1 always checks the doors and the appliances before she goes to bed. That was the first communication, other than from the Caregiver stating, "I do not answer the phone at night and have earplugs in"heard that from Caregiver 1. I sent her the Verizon picture of poor issues with networks, and she wrote on text, do not worry about it, the three of us were not able to communicate. All is well.
4/1/2020 I set up my computer that I keep there for client to listen to his favorite issues, shows, prayer and bible groups, he had a telemedicine appt, and I offered rather than she bring her desktop computer, she thanked me and things were great, just like I always thought they were.
4/7/2020 I walked in that day and every window was open and it was 64 degrees. I had not received any messages, and I did text her, she told me to not clean the carpet spots with soap and water, and she said she would clean the furnace filter. I guess caregiver one was with many needs, and the furnace filter was very dirty,
4/8/2020 Client developed alot of clear (spit), and I had him spit it in a plastic cup. He then had no fever but it was rising, and had a very dry cough. Remember, I have known this man for 6 months. The daughter responded, It is probably just a cold, so it was clear, she was not worried about COVID. He is 98, and I was clearly doing everything everyday to make sure his safety, and meals, and cleanliness was done to a excellent manner, as well as clean his bathroom, make his bed, make sure that all his meals were healthy always on time, etc. I went above and beyond, and I know that because not once did the Caregiver 1 use the vacuum, she just always said "client and I have a relationship"???I did not respond other than, I have a professional Caregiver Relationship with him"
Last thursday he was choking on eggs due to that dry cough, and I emailed her as she asked.
Yesterday at 7:02pm I had requested the day off a long time ago, and she took care of her dad. I said "thank you for caring for your dad today!"
Then I got a letter, because of the Hearing aid, that was misplaced on my watch, and I said I would come over last friday to look for it, and obviously I will pay for it, as that is my responsibility. She said "no big deal, we can look for it Wednesday.
As well as the oven on, which I absolutely reported asap, and was shocked to know that she was ok with a caregiver 1 putting ear plugs in etc.
Alot of other things that clearly showed a very improper relationship with caregiver 1, that caregiver 1 admitted to me, and I don't know if daughter knows, regardless she used the words "Client Loves me, and I had to quit before, but I came back and allow him to love me and I just give him a hug"
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You are concerned that one of your client's other caregivers has developed an inappropriate relationship with him, but you find it difficult to communicate your concerns to the family who employs you. Is that about it?
What do you want to do?
There could be so many reasons for your client's ending your job contract, but the obvious one is that they have one caregiver who lives in, one who comes in, and if you're going to keep one of them only for your elderly father, which would you pick?
She does owe you an explanation. Have you asked?
Well "I have decided to terminate your contract which is effective immediately. The grounds for immediate termination fall under "allowing the safety of the senior to be compromised". I am stunned. I am actually ok, because I am a professional and realize that she is and was never a manager, and possibly because when I called in home health, and she knew nothing about anything called in home health, my husband feels, she felt jealous. Regardless, here I am, and I did apply for unemployment because I had my hours lowered when this other woman came in and "we would switch and trade shifts, like with Cynthia before" never happened?
So my fellow friends, caregivers, professionals, families, We are in Washington State, and their family has a beach house near ours. The client really enjoyed me, as he said I was like his daughter, and he rolled his eyes about client number 1. I don't know what is going on, but at this point, I am asking, anyone that has the courage, love, patience to read this, and I have written from my text and the letter. The last part says,
PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME THIS EVENING BUT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO RESPON THAT YOU RECEIVED MY EMAIL.
I don't know about any of you, but I take pride in the clients that I am given the opportunity to care for.
I have brought in a N95 Mask and all of the wipes Oxyir the Covid Cleaning solution in. It is not about money so much, but I made sure above and beyond that Client probably had the most fun in the last 6 months, as before that, he was obsessed with Caregiver 1.
Thank you, may you be blessed, and I would really love it if someone had some advice.
I am saddened of course, but after 17 years, blood is thicker than water, and I have never in my life been treated so oddly. I was as she said my time management, and focus on task at hand. We all know, there is minimal time management, I do fabulous, she gave me a 5 star review, and I am just dumfounded. I do know that I am open for business, and I look forward to helping the next family, as I know without a doubt that I will be once again in memory of my mother and father who just passed from 2 horrible dementia's the daughter that as my dad knew.
"Step by Step, in every way, make a difference in a loved ones, or person's day"
God Bless All of you
You have worked for this family for nearly six months.
Until now the family has been as far as anyone can see more than happy with the care you provide for the elderly father.
Your contract is terminated with immediate effect on the grounds that you have compromised the safety of your client.
You have no option but to demand clarification of what is alleged. Obviously loss of a hearing aid would not constitute compromising your client's safety.
With respect, nobody gets to make an allegation like that in an email, require acknowledgement of the email, and at the same time refuse to discuss it.
You need a lawyer. Grounds like that could terminate your entire professional career. GET ADVICE.
"I have decided to terminate your contract which is effective immediately. The grounds for immediate termination fall under "allowing the safety of the senior to be compromised".
If that gets about, the OP's reputation - not to mention her LPN application - is sunk; and at least, surely, it warrants getting to the bottom of. Would you let someone level that at you without justification?
Sounds like it was easier to let one of you go than to keep walking around on eggshells around both of you.
If the client feels that you've compromised the old man's safety, they should probably tell you exactly HOW you did so in an effort for you to have some closure here. Good luck getting them to give you that info, as it seems like they want to close the book on the entire matter. I'm not sure how you'd be able to use them as a reference, however, if they feel that you were responsible for this man's trip to the ER.
I'm sure you can find another family to work for where you will be appreciated for your experience, and where there will be much less drama to deal with. Wishing you the best of luck finding such a position.
I also found that people who left (quit or dismissed) were more than likely the next time I met them, to say something like ‘Leaving was the best thing I ever did, I can’t believe I put up with it all so long’. Unless the worker had been struck off a qualification or lost a registration, taking it to court was often not in their best interests. Their reputation was then settled as being a ‘difficult employee’, whether they won or lost. If they dropped it, most people simply didn’t want to know the details of what had actually happened and it got forgotten.
It sounds as though you have not been treated well. These people's lives are not your responsibility, thank heavens. Look after your own happiness, which may mean doing your best to forget it and move on. Yours very sincerely, Margaret
employer to give a detailed explanation. So no, I don’t think it’s wise to spend hundreds to a thousand dollars on an attorney to sort this out. It’s not necessary in this country.
if her former employer starts slandering her, then she can seek legal counsel.
Let it go. As someone said usually after a termination & the dust settles, you may see this as a blessing in disguise.
You are hurt and disappointed. But it’s time to pick yourself up and move forward.
You worked there less than 6 months. It didn’t work out. You tried your best, that’s all anyone can do.
I don’t think this termination will cause you to not be able to apply for your LPN. I am a RN and have never been asked on my renewal application about being terminated- the application asks if you are a felon and if you ever had disciplinary action against you while working (meaning someone brought you to court and a judge/jury found you guilty) and if I worked a certain # of hours as an active RN.
I also know that when you get another position (and you will) all a potential employer can verify is dates of employment and perhaps ask if the terminated employee is eligible for rehire. Gone are the days when you can actually share an employee information candidly. If this last position gives you a bad reference then *maybe* think of slander, but that’s way down the road.
Worried in CA explained “at will” employment perfectly. Employers don’t really need to prove much in an At Will state. The only way you can sue the employer is if they discriminated against you for race, creed, disability, religion discrimination, etc. (this is not an inclusive list).
Hold your head up and move forward. You have experience and the skills to find another and better position.
Realize too as a caregiver that you can’t fix everything. Know your limitations, learn from this experience and move on.
Client was having a horrible night. I had something on Warm, and failed to turn it off. I immediately called the other caregiver, she hung up on me, and texted that she does not take calls at night. I texted her about the oven. No response. I immediately called the daughter, as I did not know if me showing up would scare the you know what out of both of them. I get off at 10 and it was 11:30.
The daughter did not answer, and I was staring at my phone and it did not ring nor there were no texts. I recalled and got an answer again. Then all of the sudden 30 minutes later, oven was off, I drove there. Not a problem, said the daughter.
I said, wow I DID NOT GET YOUR CALLS AND SENT A SCREEN SHOT, and then even went to the verizon web site to prove there was something going on. Again she said not to worry. So, of course I worried as client was being extremely difficult and was wanting other caregiver, and his moods were getting worse, and it was obvious that three of us could not be in this. (two caregivers), one professional and one that made it known, this is the first and last time I am every doing this, and if he goes to a wheel chair forget it.
So the reality is, I have had the weekend to think about it. The next day I went to collect my stuff, and I brought my husband, client was looking confused, but said how good I was to him, and daughter would not explain anything.
It is obvious to me, that other caregiver was wanting this job all to herself, which now she has, and she just did not want another care provider in the house. That was well known, as well as whatever went on was obviously just flirty stuff which of course aps was called, but the reality is, i was in the corporate world for years, and I have never seen families treat good people so bad. But this is a new week and a new beginning, and I thank all of you for your wonderful support. I know she said she will reverse it to being lack of work, but I have not seen anything professionally signed by her. I will find out, and I did talk to the lpn. people and they have 30 5 star reviews, including this woman, who left a review that was on top of this world, saying I was a leading star in the in home agency.
I do know one thing, I gave above and beyond, and I did my best. I never sat down for a break in 9 hours, and I know the special little happy mad sad glad games, and the discussions I had with a wonderful 98 year old, and will never lose those memories, because I would treat him with nothing but kindness and respect which is what he deserved. He also deserved to pick out his lunch and dinner. Not just put it on a plate and have him eat alone. The daughter I believe just wanted the easy way out which was to give her father who was hallucinating half of the time his way.
The fall was on her time, and almost killed him. I was a very very careful care provider.
Note to families: Caregivers are human, please let them know how you truly feel about them every once in a while, as we are very good at noticing when things don't feel right, and when we ask and you say "everything is great", that was a lie, and it is hard for us to stay somewhere 9.5 hours when the reality is, you really do not want us there. Thank you though for giving me the chance to show your father what professional care is about.