My mother was diagnosed in Feb 2021 with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She passed in May. After her diagnosis I immediately stopped work and became her full time caregiver. Which I thought I would do a great job because I have a background in medical, although I've never cared for a person full time. It was my mother , me the only child so I was honored to be her caregiver. I recall one morning waking up to she her sitting up at the edge if the bed. I ask her " Ma, you ok"? She replies "Something is not right, I have not urinated all day, and I go all the time." Which is true she did. I immediately thought ER, but she wanted to try and drink glasses of water and peppermint tea to she if she could go. Welp, she was still unable and I immediately drove her to the hospital. Well they kept her for a few days and while she was admitted she was able to urinate on her own for few times but then it stopped again. So they inserted a catheter and discharged her into my care. The only thing her nurse explained to me was how to change her catheter to a portable one if she has to go to the doctor. She didn't tell me that it required cleaning at least 2 times a day. So I would naturally clean it when she took a bath. Well long story short, the Monday after her 68th birthday I noticed my mother acting not of her self. She stop being able to walk and she called out all night long, not in her right mind, so I immediately thought sepsis, so I called 911 they took her to the hospital and she was diagnosed with septic shock, these whole 4 months I thought she had passed from complication from the cancer but I just pulled her death certificate out for the first time in months and read the causes of death and this klebsiella urinary tract infection was letter B she actually passed from a bacteria that was introduced to her by a person that entered into her catheter and it entered into her blood stream causing her to die. I love my mother so very much and this has really been killing me because I wanted my mother here with me a lot longer. I miss her so much and I'm hating myself for the thought that she could of lived if I had been more cautious. I should of researched the care of a catheter @ home. Lord help me!!! I hate myself right now
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so clear that you loved your mom soooo much. I think sometimes in these situations, we WANT to find some way in which we were at fault so as to relieve ourselves from the total unfairness of the whole "dying at 68 from pancreatic cancer after 2 months from diagnosis"
So, your mom had terminal cancer but died first from an infection. Did the nurses at the hospital give you instructions, both written and oral, in catheter care? Did they suggest and arrange for in home visiting nursing care, or hospice?
How were you supposed to know this stuff? You aren't a nurse, or doctor, are you?
I would be angry, but not at myself; rather at the hospital system that failed you.
Please, don't beat yourself up about this. Your was terminally ill; all of the P cancer patients I've know personally died within 6 weeks of diagnosis.
Again, ((((hugs)))))).
Edited to add: it sounds much more likely that your mom picked up the Klebisella infection IN the hospital than at home. Just did some reading.
My mom also went to the hospital with a uti 1/21 was treated and came home with 2 very different hospital driven bacteria’s including klebisella (to which I am still fighting to clear).
You did an amazing job advocating and caring for your mom. I also understand your grief (I often think had I just treated at home mom would not be fighting the ones the hospital gave her). But we cannot look back - you are not at fault. There is only one person in charge of when it is our time.
Know your mom is watching over you and grateful for loving her the way you did.
You did nothing intentionally wrong to your dear mother. You are a wonderful daughter and one your mother was very proud of.
Please don't torture yourself over something you had no control over. Your beautiful mother is at peace now, suffering no pain at all, just happiness and light. Wishing you the very best life has to offer you, and the healing energy you deserve.
You were an incredible, loving, caring and selfless daughter - you even stopped working to put your mom first. The best way to honor your mom and celebrate her life is to only focus on the wonderful memories the two of you shared. You went to get lengths to help your mom and I hope you can soon release yourself of any negative thoughts and find peace and solace in all that you did do. It's so easy to ruminate and think of "what if's", but that is terribly damaging to you and you do not deserve that. Please be kind to yourself.
Secondly, I was also my mom’s caregiver who had fallen and broken her hip. She had a catheter as well because after surgery her urinary function did not return—- sleepy bladder. Well, I took her home with care givers as it was the height of covid last year and the nursing homes were on lock down. She developed ongoing infections due to the catheter and each one was more resistant to antibiotics than the previous one. Mom died sooner than I imagined she would. The antibiotics were so strong the final round that I don’t know if the infection or antibiotics contributed to her death but her body could not take any more. They listed heart failure as a cause of death. I have spent many moments second guessing decisions I made along the way in her care but I have come to a place of peace and acceptance knowing that I did the best I could and she died at home surrounded by her family. I treasure those final months caring for my Mom.
Grief is a journey. I pray that you will find peace and acceptance that you did your best and that your Mom was lucky to have you as her caregiver. The second guessing will sneak up on you from time to time but eventually I hope you are able to see that some things are out of our control. Your Mom had a tough diagnosis with the Pancreatic Cancer—-her journey was not going to be an easy one regardless of an infection.
Again, I relate on many levels and I pray you go easy on yourself. Sending supportive thoughts and hugs your way.