I was reading on-line about a new law (December 2012) in China where adult children are now required by law to visit their elderly parents. I think this is great. It's unfortunate that some adult children do not visit their elderly parents by choice, but at least this is a step in the right direction, of having adult children take some responsibility. Any thoughts on this new law?
Oh, but wait. There won't be scads of new jobs enforcing the law, except, perhaps extra judges. The law just enables parents to bring their adult children to court if they feel neglected. And, by the way, the law does not specify how often the visits must be. I guess if a parent wants a daily visit and is only getting a weekly visit, he could sue his daughter.
I'm sure you recall that China also has a law limiting family size to one child per couple. Obviously China has a different attitude toward government involvement in family life than is typical in the US.
It will be very interesting to see if this new law helps solve the problem it is aimed at -- the increasing neglect and outright abuse of older citizens by their families. I don't know enough about Chinese culture to predict how successful it will be. Check back in five years, I guess.
But I do think in the US we have enough laws and agencies in place to protect vulnerable adults from abuse and to prosecute offenders. And a law as open-ended as requiring visiting without specifying how often would simply not be workable here.
I think if the penalty for not visiting (lacking proof of child hood abuse and beleive me, it didn't happen to my brothers), they should be shot by a firing squad of caretakers. But that won't happen cuz most caretakers can't find the time or the resources to get away from their homes!
The ancient Chinese traditions were firm in the reverent manner in which they
were devoted to elders whom were treated with great respect for their wisdom.
Perhaps now that "Americanization" has taken hold world wide, the Chinese government sees a need to enforce the old ways by law, since the modern and "educated" worldly wise new generation in that vast country evidently does not see the value in being constant and with their parents.
I do not espouse Communism, and there would be blood on the walls in this country were such a law to be passed here, but barring the horrid parents, some very kind and lonely parents surely could benefit worldwide.
I have to add that I think the word narcissistic is used in many by your writers as a generic term to indicate all sorts of dynamics displayed by their elders.
This does not serve each individual case in a just manner.
To quote Harry Truman, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!"
If a caregiver is showing signs of overstress and dislike or hatred for the parent is seeping in, a caregiver should not feel guilty for seeking good options for said parent so that the stress is relieved on both sides.
I lost my sweet, dear mother when she was but thirty five years of age and I was nine.
How I wish that I could have grown old with her and I can only hope that I would have been grateful to her for first, giving me life and secondly, for being there through thick and thin while I went through the many difficult periods that the growing child presents to a mother.
We must realize that a lifetime of dynamics between the child and the parent colors the later years, when the parent has now become the child.
Bless us, one and all.
This country has TOO many laws already and I don't want the govt telling me who to visit nor do I want my kids being told to visit me. We can handle it just fine on our own thanks.
However, at present in their major cities, the young there have managed to adopt the American way by admiring free enterprise and in many cases becoming quite wealthy. They choose modern fashions and all the gadgets and music which we enjoy.
I am no supporter of their Communism and all that entails, (abortion et al.)
Also, I want to express to the good lady, treated so badly by her parents that she should not have to turn the other cheek to such cruelty and she should try to find a way to move forward if that is possible. As a child, my stepmother treated me cruelly and hated me while my father was an absentee father emotionally, I too am one of the walking wounded.
My answer to the Chinese law was prompted by a lot of emotion since I am presently in counseling to try and understand my childhood and the actions of only one of my daughter (there were four girls & four sons, one of my sons deceased,) and this one girl hurts me in many ways. She has mental issues as well as alcoholism so her siblings have given up any connection with her.) She blames me for this and everything else that has befallen her in her life. Then after days and months of going to extremes to wound me, she will leave me a phone message saying that she loves me more than life. It is heartbeaking , because I love her dearly. She used to be the apple of my eye. I am dealing with declining health for both my husband and myself as we are quite aged, he 94, myself 87. The Chinese law, as I said aroused great emotion for me, but as I say, in no way do I espouse Communism with their non belief in a Deity nor do I as a Roman Catholic ( this also embraces all Christians and those of the Jewish faith) believe in destroying another helpless human being.
I hope that all souls suffering in their lives through abuse by their parents or children find the peace that I seek as well. God bless you all.
I'm a huge fan of seeing all sides to a situation/story. Maybe because I'm an American with the freedom to do so. I kinda see the purpose of the Chinese law but I don't like that the govt would tell me to visit my parents. I'm thankful I live in America.
I don't dwell on the life I had with my mother. I share and vent on AC in hopes others with narcissistic moms know they're not alone. I grew up thinking I was horrible for not liking the things my mother did but believing I was supposed to take it and I deserved it. This in part made me the person I am today. I work really hard to never be like mom but that requires thinking about her so its a struggle.
I guess you could say I've moved on but only so far. It'd be easier if she hadn't died and left me with a legal mess involving an entanglement with my only sib. It's hard to move on when you're reminded every month when you send the payment to the lawyer :-)
I wish all parents were good to their children. I wish all children had good parents.
I recently saw something on tv (can't remember the show) that because of the Chinese limit, alot of pregnancies are terminated, if they are female babies. This has caused a significant imbalance of males in the Chinese population, and in the future, there will not be enough females for the men to marry. This in turn will cause their population to drop dramaticly, i.e. no marriage, no babies, AND there will not be enough of a younger generation to take care of the current large population as they get older. This tv show said this will cause catastrophic consequences to their economy, basicly it will collapse.
Also, many young Chinese move far from home to cities for work, and their work week can be 12 hourse per day and 7 days a week. There has been pressure from some large American companies for their Chinese subcontractors to limit their workweek and pay more, so they don't have to work super long hours. Until that changes, the Chinese may have a law that it is impossible to comply with.